The Book of Big Bash

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 15th IY 7789

I wish I could stop fucking up... or just have a job where that doesn't really matter as much. So much stuff is always piled upon my plate, and then folk act all surprised when just one person can't handle all of it. I wish they'd fire me, really, but I don't know how much aftershocks that would have. Probably a plethora. Always some bundle of trouble waiting around the corner...

Don't think I'd have anywhere else to go, if they did, though. Folk all around the Disc wear my designs, but that doesn't really matter much. I still get paid less than the average lunatic around here, and I don't think that reputation's enough for a passport. Still love doing it, but I'd rather it actually... I don't know. Got me out of here? Maybe that's the only obsession I have regarding it.

Not really.

Thankfully I wasn't deciding... At least I don't think so. I don't know what I would've done. Probably had a panic attack and puked in the corner. Maybe pulled off a Marcellus and prayed to the Wheel for answers, well knowing that there wouldn't be any. It's all too much, too big of a responsibility for so few. Why's history not decided by the many? Well, sometimes it is, I guess, but it's all so chaotic then... Not that this differs, really.

I can only hope that those kids have better days ahead of them.

I can only hope, in general...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 16th IY 7789

How does someone get as brave as Katya? My colleagues are simply enamored by her deeds. Every report's lavished with praise... Some of it's not really professional at all. More of a bard's tale, really. I don't mind? I prefer that, actually, but I kind of dread that Frederica's going to complain about how I'm not keeping them in check or something. I don't get the point of boring reports that nobody actually reads, when you can have a riveting tale, instead!

Anyhow, I don't know much about her... Katya, that is, I know an unpleasant amount about Frederica, which I wish I didn't, because then I could be strictly professional and avoid a lot of worry... I guess that's shitty of me to say, but again, I have enough to worry about, already. Anyhow, I don't know much about Katya, so, I don't know if she's as brave regarding other stuffs and things. I don't really know if most brave folk are like that. Like, you might have some lionhearted hero be a complete wuss in the kitchen, as in, they just completely lock up when faced with new cooking prospects? So, they're scared of like... cardamom. Not like, gets the shakes kind of scared, or in general, just, like, afraid to experiment with it?

I guess that's a different sort of bravery, really, but I really do wonder how these folk are like in their private lives? They simply must be completely different... Nobody can be a hero all the time! Well, brave... I don't know if there's much heroism in slaughtering a ton of orcs. Especially when you know, you know, what you know, you know?

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 17th IY 7789

A real fancy letter came in... I didn't get to read it! But maybe that's for the better, I really don't want to know more about anything, really... Well, anything related to the work. You eventually learn that the more you know, the less you know, but that doesn't matter, because if people think that you know more than you know, then they'll keep you under real tight watch, and I don't like that!

I kind of was hoping that it'd be my passport... I guess that's how desperate I am to get away from here. I don't know what a Baz'eeli passport looks, anyhow, so, it could be ostentatious to such an extent? Maybe they're laced with gold, or something, and the finest artists upon the Disc have painted a tiny portrait of you inside! I'd love that!

Instead, I'm just stuck with more and more work, and it never ends. I want a vacation! It should last about, oh, ten years or so. And then I'd retire right after that!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 18th IY 7789

I've searched out and about, looking for a spicy dip that somehow manages to beat muhammara... Yet nothing comes even close! The peppers, the walnuts, the pomegranate, garlic, lemon... It all comes together in a way that can only be described as pure perfection! Whomever invented it was an absolute genius, truly blessed by the gods... Like, all of the gods, each and every single one that's ever existed, or will exist? That's just how good muhammara is!

I'm like, so stressed, that I can only think about eating, and writing about eating, because there's like, absolutely no stress involved in eating? Except there is, because I'm stress eating... But the great thing about muhammara? It's just simply so full of flavor, that even just a little goes a long way! So, I use my tiny little spoon, that I custom ordered because they didn't have anything small enough readily made, so, I have my very own diet spoon. It really helps!

Granted, I also instructed Tonka to swat my hand whenever I go beyond five spoonfuls... She's a real shrewd lady, so, she understood my instructions perfectly! If I only could give her some muhammara as a reward... But peppers are too spicy for a kitty's tummy!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 19th IY 7789

I really wish I had someone to talk to... I mean, about big stuffs and things. I can talk about anything to Tonka and Inky, but they don't really fully understand, right? Especially not Inky, because they kind of don't understand anything that comes with personhood? Which I don't get myself... I mean, I don't get Inky's proclamation, because they obviously have a personality? So, they're a person?

NAY, SUCH IS NOT MINE FORM'S ESSENCE!

Oh, whatever... It's real weird, is what it is. Anyhow, right, I can't talk about big things to these two, but I also can't talk about them to strangers, because you shouldn't trust them, especially not on the Disc, because nothing good comes from that. And even I had someone that I could trust, then some of the stuff is like, big ol' secrets, that nobody really should know of, and that's why it's so painful to keep them inside? I wish I could just eat like, a magickal herb, that'd make me forget all about it, but just the specific things, because I don't want to get the full-blown amnesia, because I actually have some good memories now, just partial amnesia, where I forget about all the bad stuff...

I can't even talk about it to my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, because that'd probably place her under great danger! I wish I could've just stayed a florist... But even that was just a front for illicit business! When will I catch a break...?

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 20th IY 7789

I have a lot of henna... So much, that I might as well use it for something else than fine haberdashery! Yet my hair is already perfect, and if I have mehndi on my hands, folk will start asking what holiday it is, or who's getting wed, and then they'll get real mad when it's just an ordinary day, and I just wanted to look pretty? What a conundrum!

Oh, I'll try it out, anyhow, screw them! I'll decorate my well-manicured hands with the most dashing of floral patterns, and damn anyone whom is offended! Yeah!

It's nice to think about such things, instead of work... I've just been kind of, I don't know, skulking about the office? Like, make it evident that I'm there, but like, if I hear the Legate's door creak, I'm bolting off somewhere, like, preferably under a desk, because I'm tired of them and their stupid fucking assignments, and I'd rather do anything else? So, yeah, the art of mehndi is far more preferable.

Maybe if I'm good at it, I can make it my 21st job! Does it pay well? Because I need the money to get the fuck away from here!