[A sealed letter to Fiordelise]

[cmenden]

Dear Fiordelise,

I am writing to whatever piece of you remains that is surely troubled by the path you walk.

The Dog Nadiri is a wretched villain and clinging so closely to him will not go the way you wish.

If one lays with dogs, they wake up with fleas. Every vile thing he do will reflect upon you poorly and you will be unable to remain aloof of such no matter what you may think.

What terrible thing must have occurred for you to sacrifice your ideals?

It is one thing to sacrifice our life to prevent the Disaster but another thing entirely to give up our soul.

Regards,
Estellise Azimi

[NeedForGreed]

Dear Estellise,

At the end, I will address the matter of the Disaster if you want to skip my long-winded response. I do have a question about what you mean; I am curious and hope to learn how the dying world might be healed. I presume you speak of this. 

If I can sit down and speak with a Wheel zealot who would see me purged, to try and bridge the gulf with understanding - what is stopping you from speaking with me, too? I am always open to building mutual understanding through talk. I am not the kind of person you think I am, though I am becoming used to presumptions of menace based on my faith alone.

As for your questions, I have not sacrificed my ideals. Instead, I hope my recent choices hold more promise for the many refugees than the alternatives.

I will try to explain who I am and what I believe. It will be a very long letter, toss it away if you wish. 

I care no less for the Voiceless. Instead, I am asking Dante to improve the current situation and to keep it better. I made this choice knowing that some would hate me for it, that mud would be slung my way, but if there is some chance that the people I work to care for may benefit, I would take it. I am no great influential Apothar, no bender of Time or Fate, but I can urge the person who loves me to consider those who do not have voices themselves. 

You agree that love is powerful. Dante loves me, whatever you think of him. I met him when he was trapped as a dog. I promised him my help - I understood what it is like to be trapped in a body, for it was the Mercystar who once saved myself from such a state. I took him to Il Modo and pleaded for the aid of the Sages. He was remade. And when the time came that I needed kindness after I had seen terrible things - showed me kindness in return. So our friendship was born, and it has strengthened my beliefs.

I believe in universal compassion wherever we might extend that hand. Often easier said than done, but to try. That in giving compassion, we rouse it in others. That people can change. Whoever you believe Dante is, whoever he was before to you - he is not the same man. Not physically, not in spirit. Do not stifle change, do not smother it. Please give it a chance to grow.

This is my soul. I do not want rage and fire and riots. I want to see people grow. I believe that humanizing each other, not demonizing, is the key to our survival in this fading world. This is how we survive this. We plant seeds of kindness; we hope they grow. Every soul will shine brighter for it, and hate will only dim our light.

This is not some lazy sentiment: the core of my faith is that our souls must grow in harmony with the world, with each other. Harmony in this life is an impossible dream, in perfection, but it must yet be something we strive towards.

As for my ideals:

Since I arrived in the Well I have held the same beliefs and ideals. I spoke of them publicly in White League meetings, on sendings, and to my friends. But when you are a quiet person who prefers not to shout, people have a way of tuning you out. I continue to uphold the ideals I've voiced publicly: compassion, compromise, and the pursuit of common ground. My experiences working in the Humbles have reinforced my belief that practical, incremental improvements are vital, even if they fall short of ideal solutions.

So what do I believe? What are my ideals that I insist I have not sacrificed?

I believe in compromise, common ground, and finding understanding with one's fellows. I believe in compassion. I believe in peace. I believe in the power of dialogue and openness to bridge differences. And in this, I have failed: I have missed opportunities to understand you as I ask you to understand me. I believe, too, in enabling self-determination. I believe we are in this life to learn and grow so we may one day join the Stars. I believe each mortal spirit is redeemable and capable of healing and change.

From the beginning I have advocated for reaching across the aisle in many forms. In finding common ground to work towards and seeing the "other side" as human. In terms of politics, religion, culture, and even values. How many times in White League meetings did I urge compromise and broadly agreeable solutions to be found so that we could win improvements in the lives of the needy, even though those improvements were not as grand as we might hope? The idea of compromise was often scorned. I have watched the purest White of politicians reject broad improvements when they had the chance to guarantee better lives. 

They held it against Peryn that she campaigned for a 5,000 dinar Voice 'because a true White Leaguer should demand Voices for free.' Are we so attached to a vision of ourselves as pure and virtuous that we would sabotage a real gain for those we claim to care about? A 5,000 dinar Voice would have still left out many, but it would have helped many too. 

More still the eagerness for violence, riots, barging down doors, disrupting lives - this I oppose.

These beliefs are shaped by my upbringing and work in Il Modo's slums, dealing with plague, malnutrition, and poverty. There are no quick and easy solutions in that world. Only rolling up our sleeves with direct action. 

I have said all of this since the beginning. 

So why did I leave the White League?

Many knew it was a long time coming, and I will not waste much of your time explaining. Hostility from within the League for being a priestess of the Dome. Unwillingness to compromise, sabotaging our own ability to make meaningful progress. Wariness of the favored candidate. 

I mentioned it to you in person, but my reason for accepting a Gold badge was simple. To ensure that there would be personal accountability and agreements to improve the rights of the Voiceless in the case of a Gold victory by Dante. To advocate for the Voiceless, for the common people. To be an internal voice towards something good rather than merely giving in to the binary of elections. Dante offered real improvements for the rights of the Voiceless, and I will hold him to his word. I will continue to advocate for better, within and without the Gold League. Whether I will stay in the Gold League will depend on how successful this is.

I do not expect you to agree with me, or even to change your mind that I am some insidious being. But I hope you will at least try to understand why I have made my choices. Perhaps they are the choices of a naïve girl, but they are made with measured hope.

As for stars and Disasters, I encountered a strange golden star upon my arrival here in the Well. I will not pretend to be able to tell whether it is genuinely of the stars or simply crystal. Whether by chance or perhaps fate, there it simply was for me. I have been meaning to bring it by the Tower for study as so far no scholar of the stars has been able to answer its nature to me. 

I wondered, too, what you wrote of Disaster. I understand that our world is dying, and I know there must be more to healing it than we know. My faith is one of the stars, and I suspect the answers are somewhere out there in that great unknown.

May the Mercystar shine gently on you,

[cmenden]

Dear Fiordelise,

I imagine writing this letter must have amused you greatly. So be it.

You know as well as I do, and for precisely the same reasons, that you cannot change an organization from within. I was unable to prevent the Disaster in world lines where I attempted to plead with those most responsible.

I do not buy for a moment that you believe the Gold League can be changed.

And "trapped in a body"? You have taken our entire existence and twisted it into some new form. But I get it. The best lies always contain a grain of truth.

Your monster is an arrogant creature. I wouldn't be surprised at all if you do not control him as well as you think you do.

What line will he cross that will force you to intervene? What will he do that will cause you to shift approaches lest it ruin everything you have built here?

I look forward to finding out, especially if I am able to see the expression on your face.

Regards,
Estellise Azimi

[NeedForGreed]

Estellise,

I meant that I was in a wheelchair as a girl, signora.

I wish the best for you, and hope that you find peace from what seems to trouble you.

Fiordelise

[cmenden]

Dear Fiordelise,

Despite your power and experience, you would do well to remember that this is my world line.

It will take more power than even you possess to best me here.

Regards,
Estellise Azimi

[NeedForGreed]

[Estellise's note is folded up into a star shape and returned without comment.]