Little Book of Limericks

[Runic]

[Tucked neatly away in the drawer of the ever chaotic Scribe Offices, is a small weathered notebook. On the back of the front cover are the words 'Made in Clercq.' These words are starting to fade.]



On the first page is written the following: 

Hello,

This is the notebook of Jaecop, of the township of Clercq. If you're not me, or haven't been given permission to read this, can you just put it back? Thank you. - J

[Runic]

Today, I finally made it to Ephia's Well. They won a big battle yesterday and the whole place is abuzz.
I thought it'd be hard to find a community like Clercq, but I've already met a bunch've nice people.
My new friend Carrot was really hungry. You must build quite the appetite being a Soldier. I'll need to make sure to bring him extra rations for when he's on patrol.

The Chief Scribe had said to keep an eye on Legate Saenus as he likes to go for walkabouts, but he seems rather nice to speak to. We had a long conversation about what people have been saying, and he even enjoyed my limerick I wrote about him.

I also sold a license. The first time doing so, but administrative duties are nothing new. It's one of the first things you learn in Clercq ... After reading and writing. Anyway, the limerick!

There once was a Legate called Saenus!
Whose hair was all laden with greyness!
But to War he did ride!
To combat Orcan tide!
To return the Well back to everydayness!

I've been thinking about writing a limerick for Carrot, but there's really not much that rhymes with it. I'll have to start brainstorming.

[Runic]

Clercq had its quirks. Every child learned reading an' writing from the age of four. Basic administration was taught at eight. We were a very practical people, once. Clercq is gone. Dead. But the lessons live on in me.
 
I've already begun to get a lay of the administrative landscape ahead of me. Three Leagues. Purple are royalists; an' the best to fall in with initially until I have become more settled. The Golds are unionists; and seek to carve a merchantile union an' establish better trade connections. White are separatists; wanting complete control wrested away from the powers that be. Nothin' wrong with wanting to be free I suppose, but I have more to learn on that front. Stains shine brighter on the lighter page.

An interesting evening. Doing nothing, and being nowhere. But a limerick sprung to mind none-the-less. As one for Saenus was done, only fair to do one for Argyris.

There once were a Dragon in Gold!
Whose roar were as Fierce as it Bold!
With the sting of his tongue!
His partnerships strung!
A sight resplendent to Behold!

Carrot's limerick still eludes me. We have settled on parrot, though in what context is not quite clear. I suggested garrotte but he said it was too violent. Back to the drawing board.

[Runic]

They were not wrong when they called Marcellus the 'Purple Wanderer'. Always out doing boardwork that one. Managed to tag along on one of them. Can't have the Chief Scribe think I'm not doing my part to keep him alive.

Met a fellow called Domenico. He's one of those Recluta in the Banda Rossa. We went down into the gutters to help the Office of Minor Nuisances, and when we were coming back some fetid necromancer set a bunch've ghouls on us. Like ... at least be original. Ghouls are so cliché. Anyway, it means my list of useful friends is growing, Niccolad, Domenico, Apothar Zol Nur. He invited me to join the Tower, but I'm no true mage.

Zina is an excellent businesswoman. We became rather quick business partners in a small venture. A massive discount for some of her delightful wares, for a two month stint doing advertisements. Quite the steal really. Oh, and then that woman who was just ogling Maddicus. Claimed she kept seeing 'djomes' or something. Think she'd hit the mizzar pipe a bit too hard if you ask me.

Anyway, I'd been brainstorming a little limerick about Zina Zizzo either as part of the advertising campaign, or just for rhyming practise.

There was a famed merchant called Zina,
Spinning deals like a dancing Ballerina,
Her stores filled to the Rafters,
With wares by expert Crafters,
A maestro of the mercantile Concertina!

Not my best. will probably need tweaking later. Not much rhymes with Zina. Less so with Zizzo. This is the Carrot rhyme all over again ...

[Runic]

I finally managed to make a limerick for Carrot that didn't just fall apart. Best way I found was just not to put Carrot at the end of a rhyming couplet. Should've thought of it earlier to be honest.

There once were a Soldier whose hair,
T'was as red as the morning sun's glare,
Carrot was his name,
Winning Wars was his fame,
Such a talented guy, I declare!

Anyway the Chief Scribe finally sent someone with my Archival Key, so I can get some proper writing done. I see that no-one has been writing prominent figures into the history books. That's no good. Guess I'll have to do it myself.

The Legate Qari said that usually a thousand dinar should be offered as a bribe. Such an ugly word. Bribe. Back in Clercq it was simply paid work, no need to call it anything other.

Did some work to buy a merchantile license and alchemical license myself. If Marcellus is going to be running off and putting himself in harms way ... Best I learned how to make blurrings so he doesn't get his head lopped off.

[Runic]

The work of administration is, as ever, two parts actual administration and eight parts juggling the masks. Who you are to any given person at any given time, and never being seen to be as competent as you actually are. But! Some interesting things are now afoot.

I'm writing Bashir's profile for the prominent peoples listing. I was paid a handsome stipend of the fee too, but then I spent it all on a portrait for the listing. A high price on art, but who know, perhaps Narwen will offer a discounted rate for continued work if others want their own articles written. There was a prominent journalist at the Divan looking to interview the Warmaster ... Might be that Ephia's Well could use a little news rag in between writing the prominent peoples lists.

I'm not sure how you can fail to eat a burger. Think that dwarf curse I'd heard about must still linger on Marcellus because the guy just cannot catch a break. The Divan was an interesting scene. Lots of power plays, and power players. The Secretary seemed generally impressed by my conduct, and they'd be a useful ally to know. Maybe he can see through the masks at play. One to watch. The other one to watch would be Sagelin, not because she's a useful political ally or anything, but because she brought a bunch of human meat into the Plaza and had a fistfight with Citizen Yiti ... I mean really now.

Anyway! The main part came afterwards, or I guess, some set-up for during. She came to ask the Warmaster if he wanted to buy combat drugs. Thought I'd try and keep it professional, but I seemed to have fumbled our initial interaction because then when I was in the Krak later that day, she tried to punch me in the face ... A spark! Albeit in the heat of passionate violence, but a spark. So to her, I dedicate this limerick.

There once was an angel in red,
Who I swear might have wanted me dead,
Even hopped up on drugs,
My heart did a-thud,
When she took that right hook to my head.

While it's no Clercq, I think I'm starting to like Ephia's Well.

[Runic]

First Nico begins teaching me Modini, and now Legate Balstan and I are breaking down Binarian. Soon I shall be a master linguist!

Bashir's Prominent Persons listing is now published, and I'm hoping this inspires others to come forward seeking to put their names in the history book. Time will tell I suppose.

Other than that, I have met with Asherias Myl and her troupe, a fledgling guild of adventuring. A novel ambition, if a little cliche. I wonder what they'll do to differentiate themselves from other guilds of that kind. I wrote a little sonnet while sorting through the blackmail material Galen stole, since it was with the guilds help that it was recovered.

There was a young woman call Myl,
Who could carve through a horde with her skill,
A Guild is her design,
With a catchy tagline,
Where adventurers can go get their fill!

I really must talk to her about advertising opportunities. Zina seems most impressed by hers, and a small stipend of dinar wouldn't exactly hurt.

[Runic]

The main benefit of the Prominent Persons article thus-far seems to be that Bashir is now far more willing to pay for my services. He has commissioned me to write a jingle for his campaign, and to broadcast it. In my heart of hearts I'm not too fussed who wins the election overall. I'm still weighing up the options presented, but, Bashir is at least paying me so for now that is where my thought on the matter is.

Dear Mirkka has completed the first step of her Meta-Brew quest. To see someone drink one hundred blurring vials in such a short span of time and not become violently ill was ... astounding. Surely this will be have to be chronicled somewhere. A tale for children perhaps. It does have all the whimsical elements of one.

In  dedication to her feat, I have composed a limerick to her.

There once was a Dwarf seeking brew,
The Meta kind, she aimed to stew,
Be it blur or barkskin,
She'd imbibe it within,
And with each drink her wisdom grew!

Three songs I purchased from the Sha'ir. Of course one must have her song of the desert winds, a given, a must ... but she was also selling songs of rats and toads. Who can turn down a little critter following you? I know I can't. The Professor says squirrels are good luck apparently, some sign of an old friend. So clearly critters are good.

[Runic]

So much paid work recently. Truly, not a place like Clercq at all. Apprenticing under the Meisters would earn youy recognition from them, but otherwise little income. Not only am I paid an actual wage, but people who want their paperwork completed sooner are far more likely to contribute a few additional dinar into the equation. What fun.

Zina approached about a Prominent Persons listing. The draft has already been written and filed, and an advancement sent for her to review. I will have to chase Legate Argent for his part of the fee. She did however have an interesting idea for a poetry night in Elossi's. It would let the wordsmiths of the Well show their flair, but it will involve finding the right prize. I'll start working towards finding that.

I attended my first allotment today and I have to say, if an 'assembly' is anything like that then I'm very excited. Bashir was quite surprised to learn that the Conclaves of Clercq would last two weeks on average! What can I say? We were a very prudent and scholarly peoples, and the Meisters wouldn't give up a chance to debate for anything. His campaign seems to be off to a decent start. The Whites seem to think Fairdrake is the major contender to Argent ... but I've asked like twelve people if they have even met the woman and it's like she's a ghost. She has virtually no presence in the Well. Bashir really needs to start convincing the Whites to just fold and vote for him if he wants to win, otherwise it's all just wasted effort. Anyway, my little limerick for today is about him since I have to go and perform his jingle soon.

There once was a man called Bashir,
Who was more than what he did appear,
Beneath that fez, small and red,
A statesman whose said,
That on the downtrodden he won't sneer.

Anyway, in my less than a week here I've already sold eleven licenses ... I hope this qualifies for some form of 'Scribe of the Month' award. I guess I'll have to sell more to find out.

[Runic]

Doppelcoolers. Those fiends. They were a blight upon Clercq once, and now it seems they have found their way here. We should outlaw smoking to more easily find them, dastardly little cigarette fiends that they are.

Poor Student Nibb was caught up in their rampage, and was punished despite a doppelcooler of Bashir being seen. It even did the Shum Shuffle, a highly outlawed dance! Something a creature like that would do. Trying to look cool by breaking the law.

Regardless. I can't get bogged down in my hatred for those skinshifting wastrels. I must turn instead to bigger and brighter days ahead. A small limerick now, for Student Nibb, who should have his justice done.

There was a young man called Nibb,
A boy, barely out of the crib,
In the Sandstone he hones,
Mathematics over bones,
With an attitude entirely glib.

A brighter future at least. Elara seems interested in a political jingle if she runs for the White League in the next election. Exciting times.

[Runic]

I'd warned them of the doppelcooler menace, and those concerns were brushed aside. Then 'Zul Nor' comes crawling from the woodwork. A cousin Bashir said, but he was wearing a leather coat, and smoking, and started bullying people. Three of the coolest things a doppelcooler can think of! How can they refute these facts now? Beetroot told me and Bashir about the secret order within the Scribes. I'm going to have to learn how to wield a katana ... and start a training regiment for all Scribes to learn how to wield one. Then we can end this doppelcooler threat once and for all.

Kebbel took me out on a jaunt around the desert, performing various heroics. It also meant I got to meet Acolyte Kellyn for the first time which was nice. I'd been warned not to trust 'the Nuns' but she's big into frogs and loves the frog song so clearly can't they all can't be bad. Todays limerick will be dedicated to her, since she very almost kissed a frog.

There once was a woman in black,
Whose robes were akin to a sack,
A frog on her lips,
May lead to all sorts've quips,
So let's all just cut her some slack.

Oh yeah. I helped the Sergeant compile all his lists for Voicing the Veterans! Then cross referenced them against the Voiced Citizen Registry, and the League books. Then we ran them through the registries of known organisations. The whole thing took like an hour, but that list was made. Then once the Legates had the list they voiced loads of people. Still eight names left on the list, but we'll have to find out if they're even still in the Well to secure them.

[Runic]

Well, the conference was fund. The Binding of Legal Documents is was called. Bingham and Cha-Cha really do know how to entice with a good name. My own fault for not reading the fine print. It wasn't on making contracts, but rather on letter glue to actually bind them in envelopes. Alas. Anyway my return has seen many a strange turn.

Carrot's house is coming along nicely, although his doppelcooler has made it harder for him to take board contracts. These damn doppelcoolers will truly be a menace if left unchecked. Mirkka managed to drink all her barkskins, and has to drink one hundred Seeing potions. She's lucky I can brew them at cost for her, so 83 of her collection were ones I brewed. She's a good friend.

Ever since Carrot and Peaceful Phor were unable to convict that necromancer due to the holes in the legal system I think Phor has resented me for having to actually represent that man. I was told to do it by the Magistrate, so really it's their fault for not being able to make a good case that would've saved everyone a lot of bother. Anyway he tried to sell stuff in the Krak, and Hal wasn't having it. I said I'd sell him a license, all polite like, and he starts going off about 'Institutional Licenses' which are not covered anywhere in the law and the Astronomers use as a tax loophole to avoid actually having people pay for their licenses. Anyway, after I got him his license he was real incensed and tried to search me. I mean, fair enough. Kept saying I was a Gellemede because of my cloak.

When he gets me an Izdur cloak that provides similar benefits to this stupid Gellemede one I'll happily burn that cloak in the street. Each day I put it on is an endurance. Anyway, to honour salty Phor, a limerick for him.

There once was a Soldier called Phor,
Who claims violence a thing to abhor,
Yet he will act like a snake,
Beat, borrow, and take,
But a license? Oh no. He's too poor.

Bashir has kindly offered to make me a new cloak. Honestly, I only wear this thing to differentiate from Nicco. I haven't seen Nicco is a while, so I need to see if he's doing alright.

[Runic]

Each day another thrill.

An ashfolk was wanting us to look into an old fort that'd been taken over by brigands. He failed to mention those brigands were hobgoblins and ogres! This guy Thorne took several beatings. I'm surprised he didn't drown the amount of water that was thrown on him. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, although the big ogre chief got away. Maybe he'll return. At least the ogres had some honour. One of them even said he wouldn't attack while another ogre attacked to give us a chance. How very chivalrous.

Mirkka did her third ritual. She was chased in her vision and now needs a hundred hastes. Time to start brewing I guess. On the way back we saw a lizard covered in crystal. When we were investigating a bunch of lizards and gnolls came by and started fighting each other. The lizards must've carried the crystal one away. They're up to something. When we got back I went to the Sha'ir, for she has a song about crystals by some guy called Phillip. Hopefully next time we see something like this I can resonate with the crystals to learn more.

Carrot wants me to sing at his party. Fair enough. Should be fun. Of course not sure any've the Rose will want to show up given the current tumult between them and the Legion. Doesn't help that 'Peaceful' Phor is again at the helm of another violent crusade. Seems even I'm caught up in it. He really doesn't like that I named my store the Golden Goblin and that the Golden Fertility idol is my iconography. Well, too bad. It's fun.

Then I went to get blood sausage for Argent, and Angelique attacked me again. This time she actually hit. The first time was exciting, the second time a thrill, but the Future Pain she cast on me afterwards for sure soured the mood. I think maybe she's a bit too unhinged for me, and I've dated unhinged partners before. Anyway, after she tried to assail on me, the Legion wanted me to press charges. According to the letter of the law, I couldn't, and I explained as much. Need to start actually focusing on getting the coin to become Voiced, if only to stave off greedy peaceful Phor and his greedy peaceful eyes.

Anyway, Fiordelise and I had a wonderful chat. Niccolad is lucky to have her as a cousin, for she is truly a bright soul in a dark world. Were she not engaged, I might even make a move. But Dante seems the jealous type, and I'd sooner not die to spurious charges so I will keep my relations with her familial. She shall be a cousin to me as she is to Niccolad, even if no blood links us. To her, I shall dedicate this limerick.

There was an angel named Fiordelise,
Who sought to cure every wound and disease,
With her miraculous skills,
She brings joy and thrills,
And she means it when she say she wants peace.

Well, another night of paperwork ahead. Best get started.

[Runic]

A day of small wonders. Bashir finally wants to declare peace between us on the Great Slug Debate. Songs about butterflies and flowers are so cliche. Slugs are a vital part of the ecosystem and they deserve some love. While I compose a song about slugs, I've decided to design an outfit for the next fashion show to go alongside my one from last months show that I wasn't able to attend. Two designs to showcase, each at least fun in its design, if not exactly fashionable.

We saw the necromancer on the road. He was fully cloaked in vanishing, and had a legion of deadly looking skeletons that he was working on. I spotted it quite luckily and told everyone to run. Good thing too. I'm not risking our lives against a bunch of ratty bonebags.

Ash got really upset when Naerale took a spill in the mirage. Luckily her duplicate was there to take the brunt or I fear she may have slapped Boni upside the head. Boni who I'm certain doesn't have an alchemical or trade license and so should really come and see me about those. At least Carrot's house party sounds like it might be fun. Carrot has assured me that no uniform is to be worn and no work brought so I hope I can escape from the clutches of Phor who spent his afternoon beating a dwarf from that hold that got sacked.

Fortunately for that dwarf, Hal and the Balladeer d'Lyon were there, and they all pooled together to get him a Voice. Which was very refreshing to see. I'll have to see if Hal can buy my Voice next. I had ten thousand dinar, and then my eyes lingered a little too long on the selection of the Sha'ir. This jaunty whistling tune is very good however. The perfect song to sing to escape a dread ambush. Anyway, for his valiant deed, my limerick today shall be to Hal.

There once was a Scholar called Hal,
Who is naught but an excellent pal,
He likes to dig in the dunes,
For rare trinkets and runes,
An inspiration for flailing morale!

[Runic]

Legate Balstan and a bunch've people went down into the Assaru. They asked if I wanted to come but frankly, sounds way outside my pay grade. I'm all for finding new knowledge, but sometimes you get a bad feeling and you stay away. I think they all made it back safely. I only heard the Balladeer and the saw the Legate later on. Honestly, I hope Mirkka is okay. She gave me a really nice pipe-flute for making her more hasting vials. She's such a sweet bean.

Caught some thug beating on a poor old Modini man in the Plaza. Told him to knock it off and he charged me. Thank the Wheel Ash was close by because she put him into the dirt in like ... a single second. Made me realise that carrying around close to 15,000 dinar in my pockets probably wasn't a good idea, so Hal, bless his soul, lent me the rest to finally get Voiced. I'll pay him back as soon as I can. But it means I've finally got a bunch've legal protections. Maybe one day I'll try for office. Probably not in this election.

Hopefully now that I'm Voiced I can actually start having a little bit've a say in how some of my friends have been treated. Ash, bless her, is always saving me from harm and yet she's just as likely to be assaulted as I was for not being Voiced. Things around here need to change. I think the League needs to recognise the inadequacies the Voiceless face, and act on the tenet on Strength and Compassion. Only by empowering the people, can we claim to be compassionate to their cause.

Carrot has hired me and Narwen to perform at his party. Four songs each, and a joint finale. I've only worked with Narwen on some job boards and in commissioning her to paint Bashir's portrait. She, like me, is fascinated with animal songs even thought Carrot has banned both the frog and the rat song from his party. I'm hoping I can draft up the concept of the Slug Song for the party. Slugs deserve some recognition. To celebrate our partnership, I'll write a limerick about Narwen.

There once was an elf from the Spring,
Who knew how to play songs on a string,
With her lute in her hand,
She'd sing through the land,
And what laughter and joy she did bring.