Lengthy Report Sent to the Legates, Scribes, and Janissaries of Ephia's Well

[thegn]

[A perfumed letter smelling of oud and other such luxurious perfumes arrives at the offices of the Palatial Pyramid and the Barracks of the Fourth Legion]

Adar 16th, IY 7787

Legates and other assorted officials,

I shall include in this lengthy letter the full report of the most recent diplomatic mission, as ordered by the now-gone Legate Marcellus Saenus:

To begin with, the company as assembled by the Legate Marcellus Saenus, not myself:

• Vizier Hamdan al-Hamdan
• Janissary-Soldier Kirgan
• Scribe Bashir
• Recluta Vico
• Recluta Morgnanna (joined later)
• College-Student Azaghal
• Dwarf Thungrim son of... (etc.)

I was given the responsibility of heading the mission, and so we soon set foot to Tlonsiyya from the Gate of Sands. Along the way, a certain Recluta Morganna chanced upon us, and Recluta Vico Rasca insisted she remain. I acquiesced to this minor demand, adding only that her conduct remain the full and whole responsibility of Recluta Vico during the remainder of the mission. He agreed. Along the way, a certain invisible Nadiri stalked us, and beginning to feel rather perturbed at this onslaught of sudden arrivals, I ordered them to leave unless they wished to be flogged— I can only imagine they scurried off hastily.

We carried on to Tlonsiyya. The way was arduous and amuck with the various filth of the Wastes, but we made it safely, thanks be to Warad. The Janissary-Soldier announced my presence but the lowly and base denizens of that backwater did not seem to acknowledge neither our fine city of Ephia's Well nor its prior presence in their ramshackle abode. It took some gifts, out of my own pocket, to have the gates be open. I should like you to know my willingness to sacrifice in the line of duty.

Upon passing through the gates we had further troubles to enter the Silver Madrassa, but I quickly put them at rest and soon we were standing all before the Vice-Chancellor Pakas Oruko. With my eminent brilliance, I thrust forth the épée of my wit into the heart of the Vice-Chancellor and quickly won him over to our side. I prepared, before the journey had began, a most suitable gift for the Vice-Chancellor (a platter of Mro Po's finest), which pleased him to no end.

With that, negotiations began. I spoke clearly and aloud to all in the room, and soon enough panicked advisors flanked the Vice-Chancellor side by side, attempting to develop stratagems of their own— doubtlessly no match to my own. Soon enough, we had what the Legate Marcellus Saenus desired, with little to no cost whatosever: the use of their barge to sail into the River Edutu and the depths of Bel-Ishün's verdant belly. There, we came across the Hisar Korumak, which we found to be a grisly sight indeed. It bore a crimson visage, the skies stained with the ichor-smoke of Qa'immi engines. Two massive chains held the two gates of Korumak shut, and dotting the skyline where herons would soar was a swarm of drones. We were almost caught during our scouting of the place, but we managed to blend into the cliffside like a sleeping stone lizard.

Then we saw it: a massive structure like no other. A giant of a ship, forged with blackened steel began to levitate and fly away. The sound was as a stab to the heart of the sky herself, a blood-curdling roar of death and decay. It was a ship of steel that flew, I must stress, with a course chartered seemingly due north of Bel-Ishün and the River Edutu. A ship that carried in its belly many of Qa'im's abhorrent soldiery.

We tried, perhaps foolhardily, to find out more, but we quickly realized that we had no choice but to retreat. The drones in all this confusion seemed to have noticed us, and our scouting-expert, the Recluta Vico, remarked that it was likely we were seen from the very beginning.

That sums up the full report of what transpired there.

There only is one thing you must know: the price we paid to use Tlonsiyya's barge.

The Vice-Chancellor desires to visit Ephia's Well very soon with a congregation of his own. He expects it will cause quite the stir, yet asks of us that we make sure they are treated with the proper respect and reverence a guest of their status requires. In other words: there should be no outrage nor public displays of disrespect as was the case with the late Exile-Captain Ast Ironbanner. I suspect there may be a minotaur as well in their envoy. Make sure to inform the Janissaries to not be obstinate.

- Grand Strategist, Poet-Extraordinaire, Swashbuckling Bravo, Known Philanthropist, Baz'eeli Debonair, News Mogul, Tourism Magnate, Purple League Patriot, Vizier of Ephia's Well,
   The Most Esteemed Hamdan al-Hamdan

[Erudiche]

Hamdan al-Hamdan, Vizier and Sundry,

My thanks for your excellent work. We will labor together to give the Vice-Chancellor a warm welcome.

Yours,
Domhnall