Interrupted Meditations - Bai Fang

[IKeepForgettingMyUserName]

A shelter is found, though it is full of people from elsewhere with poor manners and outlandish temperament. The exercise of patience and forbearance is yet one more weight to bear.

I sense the doom they prophesied coming. The jittering hands, the electric taste, the humming drone, the sludge when I wake. The wild and uncontrolled trances. It squeezes and twists at me, wanting to burst out and take all that I am. The Fourth Realm, the Fourth Rise, the Fourth Descent. Doom and Hope.

The tranquility mantras are failing. I can't stop thinking of it. It swirls around me, taunts me. Spiraling spiraling - I cannot find a center. Should not writing exorcise this? Do I empower it?

I want them to do as they say. With the stable array I've designed and the other's contributions, it will work. There is no other way, no other path but this. I will break destiny's malignant grip. Cast aside heaven's mandate and carve a way forward. I have already paid my price a thousandfold.

[IKeepForgettingMyUserName]

What has happened I have yet to fully comprehend. I have escaped my Doom and claimed something left to me of my ancestor. It is far, far stronger than the others have shown and I find myself marked and elevated. Were I not outcast to this sun ravaged land I would celebrate my apotheosis. Instead, I sit beneath the earth and ponder, knowing the dread and retribution that would befall me were I to rise above. I am haunted by their superstitions and now struggle to find an honourable path forward that doesn't lead to an unjust death.

What is asked? Where does my duty lie? I will shut out the screeching noises of the world above and find my answer.