The Journal of Bashir Khatara

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 27th, IY 7788

I helped Selwyn get an interview with the Astronomers! Oh, Selwyn's this newcomer, a fellow halfling who's really quick on their feet, and with their brain... Although, despite that newness, they already seem to have a ton of friends... Which isn't surprising, because they're really nice, and really pretty! Not as pretty as me, of course, but nobody else can manage such, because there's only so much beauty to be had in the world!

Anyhow, you'd think that the Astronomers would be excited to have new Nadiri, but instead, they were all being real lazy, and were all telling Selwyn to wait, and to come back later... But due to my help, Azimi told these two lazy layabout Nadiri to interview Selwyn, and now, they're on the fast track to Nadirihood! I should've probably warned them that the Astronomers are a real weird bunch, but I guess it's better to allow folk to follow their dreams...

After that, Nibb led an expedition to the Ashways, because he was looking to get married, or something, well, I think he wanted some old wizard to be in debt to him somehow, anyhow, the details don't matter, because it was a grand journey! Well, it was at first, because the mysteries we uncovered started as pleasant, but then they got really, really, really unpleasant! I much prefer mysteries related to shopping, than mysteries interwoven with death and squalor!

Also, Eclair kept running ahead, constantly... She's far too brave for her own good! She might've ran into a colossal sand shark! She didn't, but she might have!

Anyhow, unless someone solves the shopping mystery, I don't think I'm going back to the Ashways, anytime soon! It's far too spooky in there! I can only tolerate spookiness if there's at least some fun involved, and shopping certainly qualifies for that!

I really want one of those carpets!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 28th, IY 7788

Some Kulamet want a garden around the temple! Oh, not Marcellus' combination memorial library and Temple of Agaslakku... and not the old abandoned Temple of Agaslakku... nor the the tiny temple that all the chore mice go to... but the Temple of B'aara!

I think it's a grand idea! It's just that you need a lot of healthy soil, and a lot of water, and resilient plants, and probably a bunch of other stuffs and things that I don't know about, because I'm not a natural philosopher! Natural philosophers know a lot about nature, because they sit on rocks all day, going "hmm" while rubbing their chin... and that gives them the wisdom to know their poppies from their petunias! I just know by taking a glance!

If they can actually manage it, then they should make it the most colorful garden on the entire Disc! Such a dazzling display of color that nobody could walk by without taking a gander! But... since it's the Well... It'll probably just be a mizzar field, and everyone'll smoke it all up, and it won't have a rustic charm to it, either, it'll just have a bunch of lazy layabouts hanging around, and they'll greet you really slowly as you pass by, like "heeeeeeeey" because they'll be so doped out, and they'll try tell you that they want everyone to dance naked not because they're creepy perverts, but because it's actually really liberating, and it'll all be really embarassing and pathetic...

If I had a Lot of Money, I'd donate some of it to ensure that we'd have a grand garden, instead of such a horrid embarassment!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 29th, IY 7788

I haven't had much luck with Royal Dragon, lately... I must switch up my strategy! My lucky strategy!

Anyhow, it was mostly a real quiet day, full of real boring stuff... Like Carrot and Elara asking me about numbers. They're so bad with them! Even worse than me! I had to repeat them so many times, that the repetitions probably reached the same count as those big ol' numbers, and they were big! There's some things about this work that you have to repeat to folk many, many, many times, so that they form even the faintest of understandings...

Maybe I should start charging for that...? Like, at the very start of one of these questionnaires, I tell them that they should be listening real careful, because each repetition costs a certain sum! Oh, how many good deeds could I do with such a scheme... With certain folk, it'd fund yet another district! And you could have a placard on the buildings, that'd say "repetition built this house"!

Also, Selwyn's been saying "sup the mist" a lot, as a greeting... It makes them sound like a drug dealer! Who'd want to sup the mist, anyhow...? I mean, mist is really pretty, and I like walks on a misty day, but I wouldn't sup it... In fact, I don't really talk about supping, ever. I have supper, but I don't say that I sup it? "Supping" is kind of a dumb word, really... Anyhow, Zol Nur banned Selwyn from saying it, ever again! Good!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 30th, IY 7788

Jamileh had a big ol' hankering for some spelunking... So we went down below! Well, I mostly went just because Zol Nur was placing a big ol' burden on Selwyn, by inviting them to come along... Even though a tiny little snake had put Selwyn into a coma, shortly before! Should've had a pungi to distract it... I also find it horribly distracting, but simply because I can't stand that awful sound! Anyhow, I wanted to make sure that Selwyn would make it back to the Well safely.

Going under layer and layer of soil never feels good, unless you're a dwarf, or a gnome, and they do it for completely different reasons... I also hate rickety elevators! I keep thinking that they're going to just give and fall down... Thankfully this one didn't! Gupp was nowhere to be seen, but he's a ghost, so, even when you see him, you kind of don't... What we did find, however, was truly astonishing!

DQWR! DQWR! DQWR! DQWR!

Oh, we didn't find that, I just like saying it out loud. Well, I said it out loud while writing, anyhow!

DQWR!

Anyhow, someone had done a real bad job of cleaning up after themselves, so, there were a bunch of horrid critters running amok, and it was terrible! They came up the stairs and everything! A true spelunker doesn't leave things like that... Even if they're real selfish, because it makes things worse for everyone, including themselves! It's just completely unprofessional!

So, we just left some falafels for Gupp and hurried to the surface! Which was the right thing to do, I'm pretty sure Selwyn and me would've been the supper of some horrid beast if we'd gone even a few more steps ahead!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 31st, IY 7788

Carrot's big party was a grand affair! Everyone was there... Even Shum! Everyone danced to the rambunctious rhythms of Narwen and Jaecop's tunes! There was a lot of tempo, which is good, because I need an abundance of it, due to having a lot to shake... I'm not petite everywhere!

Jaecop did perform his Snail Song, though... I just completely ignored his singing, and made up my own lyrics! I think the lyrics went something like this:

  Ya ya ya ya
  Ya ya ya ya
  Ya ya ya ya
  Shut up, Jaecop

Anyhow, the most surprising thing was how sharply dressed everyone was! Well... most folk were rather stylish... Then there was Marcellus' leprechaun suit! It's horrible! I'm pretty sure it absorbs the green from anything surrounding it... It should be illegalized! Also, Jamileh was dressed like someone's divorced aunt, out on the prowl like a drunken dunecat!

The second most surprising thing was the explosive skeleton that the necromancer sent in as a party gift! Someone thought that it'd be a good idea to punch the explosive skeleton, which caused it to do what explosive skeletons do... Explode! That was such a dumb idea! So, it blew up, while I was hiding in Carrot's bedroom with Selwyn... It smelled of scorch, because Angelique took a nap there! We were unharmed, while everyone else had a bunch of ash and blood on them, because they just stood there... for some reason!

Anyhow, we played darts after that... It was nice! Even though the board was obviously rigged!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 1st, IY 7788

A lot of folk want to talk to me about the election! I'd rather talk about... cabbage rolls! So many cultures have their own version of the humble cabbage roll! Doesn't anyone else find that interesting...? Because I do... I'd try them all out, if I could! But most of the cultures blew up, or something like that! So I can only try so many, now...

And a lot of folk make promises! They ask me what I'd like... I'd like to be left alone to do my labor in peace! But I can't say that, because they'd get real mad, even though it's the truth... And I'd like a bunch of stuff that's not even for me, and things that you can't even give... There's always a thousand promises, and they're all incompatible with each other! I guess promises are like cabbage rolls, in truth, there's only so many to be had.

At least the promises I have to give are realistic... A promotion here, new stationery there, shared lunch hours... Still have to say "no" occasionally, but so far, everyone seems to understand why. Have to operate under a very limited budget... And still, the assholes have the gall to say that Scribes are paid too much, all the while they themselves earn at least four times as much, for doing barely anything! Screw the Accord! If I have to listen to another obnoxious question about what we do, while a Scribe lifts barrels of the Blessed Waters onto a cart right next to them, I'll just walk away!

Labor goes unappreciated here! One day, that sort of attitude will blow up right in their face, and they'll all be dumbfounded! What jerks!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 2nd, IY 7788

Eclair has a rusty bucket of a helm! It's so rusty, that it really sits around the house! Wait, that's the wrong punchline... Oh well! Now, I know a lot about removing rust, but Eclair simply rejected my suggestions to douse it in vinegar, or citric acid. Instead, she wants some dwarves to reforge it with a "proper forge"... My suggestion's much easier, because it doesn't involve traipsing all the way to Kulkund. Unless only the dwarves know the secret of the Sublime Vinegar...

Anyhow, there's a bunch of Modini around, lately, and some of them talk a lot about "molten beans". I think it might be a bean dish with a lot of chillies, which sounds my kind of meal! I didn't know that they like beans, though... I just figured that they make everything out of eel, even dough! You just have to really wallop that fish goop up into a powderous form! They call it fishmeal... Usually they feed it to cows and pigs, but I'm pretty sure the Modini love it too, as a quick snack.

Also, Narwen and Cypress brought some flowers from the Spring! They're so pretty, but quite tiny. I hope they grow to a massive size! So gigantic that someone of my petite size could use them for a bed... Yeah! But I wouldn't actually sleep on them, of course, I just really want some really big flowers. Well, if someone gifted me a big ol' flower, then I'd probably try sleeping on it, but since it's a public garden, that's kind of rude!

It's just that whenever folk talk of flower beds, I get kind of hopeful...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 3rd, IY 7788

Political rallies are weird! Some guy yells a bunch of fancy words, and occasionally, folk clap, and then it ends, and everybody goes home, except for folk like Jamileh, who're really drunk and start yelling about rioting... I don't get it! It's like watching a bard, except there's no music, and I understand even less of the verbal... content... Also, there was no snacks, like those salted pea pods that I really like. I was so hungry! I simply left and took a long nap!

Anyhow.. The Fashion Show is soon! I have two designs, but only one of them is really finished... Well, I have a bunch of old designs, too, of course, but I think it''d be kind of weak to show off something that you just have laying around! I want to astonish folk with my latest ideas! Anyhow, some folk keep complaining about the sash on the finished one... But it absolutely needs it, and a red sash is simply the most suitable. Now, if I knew magick, I'd absolutely make it change color according to your hair color, or your hat, but since I'm not a magick man, they'll just have to acquiesce to my genius!

I do wonder if I should do something completely different for the show after this one, though... That dolly is so popular. Now, I normally don't really care whether my designs are popular or not, because most folk here have simply dreadful taste, but I still have bills to pay. So, I'm considering something like that... Maybe a doll of Tonka. That would sell like grumblecakes! But Tonka's still so young, and a young lady shouldn't be overburdened with fame... Maybe it should be an anonymized depiction of her.

Oh, maybe a dolly of a black cat with a witch's hat, for witches who are still too young for the responsibility, or allergic...? By cornering the witch demographic, I'd never run out of money. Everyone knows that witches get riches!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 4th, IY 7788

Richo's back! I'm happy as a bee... in a flower field... that just sprung forth into existence... so it's full of pollen! Somewhat questionable pollen, but then again I have a bunch of questions about Richo's return, too!

Turns out that Richo, Massoud, Hashima and Rock were stuck in some underground cave all this time! And they only had bison, honey and milk to dine on! That's horrible! Wait, that actually sounds really pleasant... In fact, it sounds like a far nicer diet than most folk around here have! Maybe cave bison's really stringy, though? I'm not a bison expert! I do know that they're really cute, though... I wish I had a bison for a friend, but someone'd probably try to eat them. That's why I never let Magnifica outside!

Delightful diets aside, Rock dug a way out of there, and now they're all back! We immediately had some coffee, which was great! Richo downed about twenty mugs in one go! Is coffee the blessed beverage of Warad...? Probably! Thankfully it's reasonably priced, because Richo's vow of poverty would otherwise get in the way of... sacred consumption.

And that's not all, he even has yet another tale ready! I like Richo's stories, though they tend to be really long. It's why during storytime, I usually try to have a chair nearby, or a couch, or a bed. You might as well make yourself comfy!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 5th, IY 7788

Carrot is such a messy person! Whenever he's tinkering, he just throws junk everywhere, which would simply be embarassing, if it were just paint and stuff like that, but he also threw razor-sharp paper shreddings all across the laboratory! You couldn't walk anywhere without stepping on some. It was awful! My feet hurt so much! I'm never observing his work, ever again!

And he's so bad with his tools, too... I thought that the bucket would be just an one-off issue, but he also leaves his wheelbarrow behind! There's so many cart thieves around, and even if you're so rich that you can afford to just buy a new one, you should still respect your tools of labor! The only reason for why I might leave mine behind, is because I forget... I do that a lot, but at least I care!

He made a lot of those paint bombs, too... I hate those things, because they ruin your outfit! Simply dreadful! Pranks should make everyone involved have a hearty guffaw... I can't do that if my ascot no longer complements my shirt! Thankfully, he didn't leave any of the bombs laying around. Instead, he gave them to poor Selwyn, and tried to shift the blame of painting the laboratory on them! What a jackass!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 6th, IY 7788

I was really sleepy, all day! There's just so much work, and it involved a lot of numbers... Those alone would tire me out, really.

It's not that bad, because I can take a lot of naps, anyhow, unless there's an emergency. It's just that doing that really skews my sense of reality...? Like, I have a lot of dreams about this "Moon Store"... or maybe it's the "Moon Shoppe"...? It's probably "Shoppe", because my dreams tend to be real fancy, and that certainly qualifies!

Anyhow, it's this shop that sells a lot of moon merchandise. There's miniature moons, moon dollies, moon wands, slippers shaped like a crescent moon... Also, the vendor is a moon! Just as a person... They have legs and hands, and even wear glasses! They sound real wise, and sometimes, they sound like Zol Nur, which is real weird, and whenever I realize that, the dream ends and I wake up!

Now, I have this dream a lot, so, occasionally, when I'm tired, I kind of make the mistake of thinking that it's a real place...? It's real embarassing. There's already been a few times where folk have looked at me in utter confusion, because I started talking about it. But can you really blame me? Moons are really neat! I'd certainly shop at such a store... I think a lot of folk would, really.

I also have dreams where I'm married to the Fey King! They're great dreams! But I don't have the same issue regarding those, because everyone knows that there's just a Fey Queen, so, it's highly unrealistic, even for a dream.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 7th, IY 7788

I thought that it'd just be highly questionable... I was going to write entertainment, but I mostly just attend these affairs because I kind of have to, as an official? I don't really get much enjoyment from such... Still feel like rooting for the chumps that risk their lives. I guess. Still wish they'd just wrestle, because there'd be no blood involved! But since it's Kha'esh, there'd still be something skeevy going on...

Anyhow, turns out that imprisoning some of the fiercest orcan warriors, gathering them all in one place, and then letting them do whatever under shoddy security, is a bundle of bad ideas! They freed themselves with the help of the Seekers! And so, the crowd was soon surrounded by Kulamet extremists, and illusionary orcs, and it was simply horrifying! So many folk were cut down... I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.

I think I'd be dead if Yataghan hadn't told us to get on the caravan... Oh, "us" being Argent, Mirielle, and... some guy. I still don't know who that was! Maybe they said their name, but I was highly distracted for perfectly understandable reasons! Escaping Kha'esh felt simply strange... and there certainly was a tinge of guilt to it, too. But what could have I done? I'm just a paper-pusher...

Now, there's a bunch of Titans walking about the dunes, supposedly awakened by the Thousand Clans. Just one of them killed a bunch of people, before it fell... That's horrible! I don't even know what a Titan is! Is it a step between Colossi and Latent...? I'll leave that for the eggheads... I don't understand any of it! I hope that they can figure out some kind of secret weapon against them, though. Or maybe we can just talk to them. I won't name them, because I don't like getting stabbed! Then again, I don't know if they are who I think they are, because everyone always stares at me like I'm crazy when I present my theory!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 8th, IY 7788

The Fashion Show was kind of slow, this time around... Not too many contestants. I did like the flair of Manta's showing... Well, kind of, I couldn't see for a while due to all the flashing lights. I don't do that sort of stuff for my showings, because I want the attire to speak for itself! Also, I don't know any magick, besides a couple pirate spells... Well, fine, I did summon a salty sea breeze to glam up Kate's hair!

Even Selwyn took part... But I'm not certain if it was their work, or Manta's, because Selwyn was so unconfident, and seemed to be just improvising a whole lot. I didn't say anything about it, though... But they really should've submitted something of their own making, if it wasn't. And if it was... They should've prepared far more! I guess performing in front of so many people doesn't come as easy to most as it comes to me...

Oh, and folk kept walking on and past the show carpet as if nothing was going on! What jerks! That should be a crime! Call it "Impeding Fashion", or something like that... It should carry a hefty fine! And the money from the fines should be used to educate the children in tailoring, and fashion! Yeah! Considering how utterly uncouth so many here are, we'd have the most talented tailors anywhere, in the span of a few years!

Anyhow... My latest design is called "Glimmer"! I was inspired a lot by Alkab, Banafsi, Il Modo... Not by Qadira, though, because they wear flea-ridden animal hides. Anyhow, I guess it's a bit silly to have such coastal attire here, in the Well, but maybe it'll remind some folk of their home? Getting the pearls for the dye was a major hassle... But it was worth it! The shirt looks simply wondrous, with how it sparkles! One thing I'm starting to wonder about, though... These pieces seem to take on peculiar qualities after they're finished! Is it some form of myth magick...? It must be... In all labor, there's some sort of tale!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 9th, IY 7788

Birds! Herons, to be specific! Yeah, that's the ticket... It'll be my best design yet! I also want to do the "Fruit" line, but right now, I'm simply obsessed with this one... And it's much easier to focus on one outfit, rather than three, or more! And they would've featured a lot of stripes... I can already hear it... "What's stripes got to do with fruit?" EVERYTHING, YOU TASTELESS SHMUCK! TAKE YOUR SOOTY SCHMATTES AND LEAVE! Then again... if I name this one "Heron"... and even if it features herons to such an extent that even the blind can see them... someone will ask why it's called that!

Richo fought some sort of Qa'immi contraption, and found a muffin...? I don't know if it had the muffin, or if it was simply an unrelated find... But I think I'll stash my muffins somewhere real safe, just to be sure! My weekly treats aren't meant for mechanical blasphemers! They're for me, and Tonka, and my friends. I don't give Tonka muffins, though. They make her fart a lot! She likes chicky liver better, anyhow. I bought her some with my Royal Dragon winnings! Well, I didn't spend all of it, because I won a lot.

Also, a certain former Legate is simply such an infuriating sack of trash, that it is no surprise at all that folk call him Ballstain behind his back! I hope that one of his brooking students curses his beard to fall off!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tesrin Hray 10th, IY 7788

Some folk want to meet with the Sibilant Emperor! They're crazy! I'd rather meet... well, I'd rather meet a lot of folk. Like the model for these illustrations in my favorite novelettes... His pecs are as big as my head! They don't credit him, though... I'd want him for my own books, too, so, it's simply awful, not having a clue of who he is! I'd also ask about his diet and exercise routine... Maybe ask him out on a date, too, if there's a hint of chemistry!

I wouldn't ask the Sibilant Emperor anything like that, though! I wouldn't ask him anything at all, because I don't want to meet him, ever!

Another crazy thing... The amount of money folk are dropping into this election! They're taking loans, left and right, to Voice anyone that they can find. I'm pretty sure that most of these loans will never be paid back! It's good for the treasury, though... Come to think of it, a lot of the money in there is due to folk being weird! Like just having to get the last word on the bellows... I hope all this money goes to good causes. Like helping the blind weavers of the Well! Those carpets don't make themselves!

Also... a lot of folk don't seem to know where the Palm Heights is...? Are...? Anyhow, that's really weird. When I first came here, I got a good look at everything! But some folk just know the Pyramid, and the Krak, maybe the Souk, and that's it. I think that's really sad. They'd love Manny's coffee, Angelica's fashions, Mro Po's tasty dishes... and banking services...? Wait, are folk not using the Coinchangers at all?! Where do they keep their money?