The Journal of Bashir Khatara

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 13th, IY 7788

Today, I went dancing! And simply that! Just dancing! Definitely, absolutely, just dancing!

There's a lot of different dance crazes... my favorites are:

1. The Shum Sheroy Shuffle! The movements mimic that of a most talented goatherd... but don't forget to adjust your glasses! That's a dance move. Don't actually adjust them... They might fall off, because the Shum Sheroy Shuffle is so frantic! I don't need spectacles, because my vision is perfect! I don't get why this is named after him, I've never seen him dance...

2. The Sassy Molassy! Well, this isn't really a craze, nor do I like doing it myself... But the old folk seem to like it! It's from Domergue's and Marcellus' generation... They used to do it all the time when they were young, and now they keep doing it, still. It's heartwarming to see geezers get down with their bad self... but they really should do it far, far away from us young people!

3. The Sandworm! I don't like doing this myself, either... But basically, you mime the movements of a sandworm. The reason I like it, is because this ends up with a lot of folk just smacking their heads against the floor! It's so funny! And folk are so drunk, that they just keep trying it, over and over again, and it never gets old, seeing their face smack right into the floor... I've never laughed so much!

Of course, these aren't the only dances in town, but they're the ones I can remember after engaging in countless hours of the Shum Sheroy Shuffle! If only every day could be as grand as this! Well, eve... I went dancing in the evening... Anyhow, some day, I hope that I can inspire such a craze! They'll probably call it... Doing the Bash... or something like that!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 14th, IY 7788

Mr. Yeti was having some sort of vision quest... He was just standing there, atop the Mound of Sand, on fire, sweating, probably because he was set ablaze, and he just kept staring directly at nothing in particular! Folk kept bringing their garbage to him... I'm not sure if it was out of reverence, or because they thought that he's the garbage man! Some folk gave him their pocket change, too, which might've been due to him looking so down on his luck... Angelique took the money to buy some scorch!

Some kid brought in a big ol' garland, too! I want a garland... just not one that stinks of burned Yeti!

Anyhow, I don't know what to think about vision quests... They kind of just seem like an excuse to do a lot of funny mushrooms and get high as a cloud! Folk should just admit it... You like eating funny mushrooms and having weird ol' visions! Personally, I've matured past drugs, and just use my imagination instead! That way, you get far less horrifying visions, too, and there's no risk of vomiting, and you don't have to talk to weird smelly guys to get some imagination, and also, you can't go crazy due to some metallic gnomes whispering secrets to you, which I saw once, because some guy asked me if I wanted coffee and sure, it was technically coffee because it was a cousin plant and there was a bunch of other shit too, and it was horrible...

And when I imagine, I can choose what I envision, too! Like being the prince of Fairyland, and all the elven princes come to me, to bid for my hand in marriage! It's pretty sweet...
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 15th, IY 7788

If it were anyone else, I would've said no... And I did... And even to him, I said no, multiple times. But even in death, he's stubborn... Didn't use to have these kind of problems with guilt. Had it, but the result was just nights of lost sleep... Would rather have that than this.

It is what it is. Probably's going to be as terrible of a decision as being Vizier was. Probably worse. Definitely worse.

Good news is that if I lose horribly, they'll finally stop asking. Hopefully... Yet they're so fucking stubborn that they probably still will.

I hate the act... Makes folk see things in me that aren't there. I do care... That's not part of the act. It used to be. Then I got too good at acting and couldn't lose it... Wish I could, on days like this.

They won't get a fucking politician, though, no matter how much they ask.

They'll get Big Bash. If they regret it, that's their own fucking fault.
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 16th, IY 7788

First contract... I hope that it's the last one! I don't like contracts, there's a lot of terms, which means a lot of reading, and I only like reading about fun things, like hot guys, or intriguing places, or fashion, or food or just about anything else than vague terms that I'm probably going to regret at some point! I don't have time for that, either... I'd rather spend my time efficiently...

Contracts cost a lot of money, too! Well, not the paper and stuff, unless it's like, really fancy paper and ink... But you have to pay a Lot of Money to get everyone to sign...

Now I can afford far less good deeds and good foods! It's awful!

Anyhow, I feel like I've forgotten about something... I hope it isn't anything important! Sometimes, I forget to hang up my socks to dry, and they get so soggy, and one time, I forgot them there for so long, that the tub was a medley of colors, and Inky was absolutely fascinated by it... Apparently they had been there for the entire day!

INCREDIBLE IRIDESCENCE, GLORIOUS CHROMA. SUCH SPECTACULAR BEAUTY IS RARE, INDEED. WHAT POSSIBLE REASON IS THERE FOR YOU NOT BRINGING FORTH THE VESSEL OF CHROMATISM FOR MORE TEMPORAL LENGTHS? A GRAVE INJUSTICE!

Inky, that was just... sock... pigment... residue... or something! Admittedly, it was really pretty!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 17th, IY 7788

It was a real boring day down at the office... So boring, that I got to thinking... Things could be so much easier if I knew telepathy! I could just lift stuffs and things with the power of my mind...

TELEKINESIS.

Fine, telekinesis, whatever, it doesn't even matter, because I understood what I meant... Anyhow, I thought about it more, and I realized that it would make things so easy, that I'd get lazy! And I'd probably get muscular dystrophy, because the only muscle I'd be using would be my brain... Also, judging by Narwen, you'd get a lot of psionic hunters come after you. So, in the end, it wouldn't be easier at all... Having psionic powers stinks! I'm glad that I don't have them!

Also, I had a prospective customer... This ol' granny... She came over to the studio, looked over all of my possessions, and yelled "aiyoh, where'd you find this" in front of everything, and I do mean everything... Even Tonka! She was so impressed with everything, that she completely forgot what it was that she was there for. And I forgot to ask... all that grandmotherly energy was highly distracting. Oh well, at least folk are still buying socks...

Prismwork, on the other hand, is much less in vogue, now! I think the hobgobs have begun guarding the secret of Mount Prism far more closely... Which is understandable, but it's really eating into my income!

 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 18th, IY 7788

I saved the Well, again! Well... kind of... I was there...? I mean, I don't know how to stop word bombs, when there's no Efuddy board anywhere to be seen! The words were really gross, as ever... But the grossest thing...? Kreame likes his kebab mild! MILD! Sometimes, folk from the colder regions have absolutely embarrassing diets... Who eats mild kebab, really? Kreame, obviously, and even he's so embarrassed about it, that he had to come up with an excuse about his reactionary grandma!

I used to think that "reactionary" means that you have really good reflexes... But some Lilies gave me a lesson on semantics... And then they called me a reactionary and flipped me the bird!

Which is another term to give me trouble in the past... I thought that folk were just really good at catching birds, all for the sake of disrespect! I mean, you could probably pick up a pigeon real easy... Maybe that's one of the reasons why they're so easily trained.

Anyhow... Is there a coralation between preferring your kebab mild, and villainy? Some of these academic types should look into that! Maybe with proper dietary recommendations, at least some wickedness could be stopped before it even starts! Maybe, due to a lack of spice in their lives, these foul mountebanks start looking for it elsewhere... Like through magickal bombs based around the very concept of grody words, that hurt more than sticks and stones!

I have so many nemeses these days, that I had to look up how to spell the plural... Even in my writing, they vex me so! I keep all my word books on the highest shelf, so, it takes a lot of time to reach for them, with the ladder, and all... I wish I had a tall husband!

 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 19th, IY 7788

I loved him.

There are no other words. Whether it is a lack of cunning on my part, or the language itself, matters very little.

I wish that it never came to this. Yet if you truly love someone, you must be able to let go.

What love clutches onto someone so fiercely that it merely perpetuates their suffering...? A love twisted, debased... No love at all, mere selfish obsession.

If I join him tomorrow, it shall be enough. More than enough.

 

A withdrawn letter, now adhered to the journal's pages.

Zain,

This is one of the hardest letters that I've ever had to write. Thinking of you fills me with such a storm of emotions, that I am not sure what to say, or even to think.

I love you.

Perhaps not in the way that I once hoped to, but in a way that I, over time, understood as the path that we were given. You are a genuine friend, one who possesses such absolute honesty that I could never, ever, hope to achieve it myself.

That having been said... I wish that you loved yourself as much as I, or others close to you, do. Sometimes I feel like you do not care about yourself very much at all. You care about your beliefs, your labor, but when it comes to your own well-being, it simply doesn't seem to be a part of the equation.

I cannot claim to understand the inner workings of your mind. But I know that if you wish to be happy, you must start loving yourself as well. Not your labor, not your logic, but you. Zain. Zain al-Saiba.

I couldn't help you, most of the time. Perhaps I brought you some comfort, still. Yet all the same, I enjoyed our time together, and I would not change a single moment. Not a single one. When I was with you, I knew true happiness. A concept that was quite foreign to me, until recently.

And for that, I thank you. Thank you for comforting me. I hope that I was able to comfort you.

Please take care of Tonka. Not that I have to tell you that... I know that you will.

Bashir

[close]

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 20th, IY 7788

Victory.

A curious word, because none of its romanticized connotations have ever actually occurred anywhere at all.

Paint a picture of valiant knights, deep in the bonds of camaraderie, if you wish. It's just that in truth you're dealing with a haphazard disarray of wanton violence.

Survival, for some. Greed, for others.

And for the truly deranged, the act itself is enough of a reason.

I do not enjoy it. I never will. I might be uncertain of a great deal of things, but this I know. People will have their assumptions as to why I did it, as usual. As if there was a reason to begin with. A sole, whole reason, anyhow...

It won't bring Martin back. It won't ease any of his suffering. But... I hated her. That doesn't excuse it... It's not even a reason. It's just a jumble of emotions... Which is all I have, occasionally.

It is a sin... And many have called me a sinner. They were most likely right, but... I wish they weren't. I wish I wasn't.

Anyhow...

Not tonight, Zain. Not tonight.


 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 21st, IY 7788

A lot of folk wanted to talk to me today... Some of them far more easy to figure out than the others... Well, it's easier to figure out who actually cares than before. Maybe. I don't know if I deserve much sympathy for it... I probably don't. I just don't know what to think. She was killing civilians, so were the rest of them... Yet she was still a prisoner. And my mind wanders to excuses, such that she was going to die anyhow, by someone else's hand... But it's not like that changes the fact that I did it.

I can't apologize for it, nor can I carry such deeds with pride... Just carry it. I don't know why I did it. It's just... a flash... I can't even remember some of it. Maybe that's for better...

But I suppose it's pointless to ruminate.

Horton has a hog now... It's called Boris. He's adorable...

I also collected some signatures... Still feels like a mistake. But I promised...

Is it a good or a bad thing that it isn't easy...?

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 22nd, IY 7788

Being called honest feels strange... Obviously because I'm not...? Maybe I'm more so, these days... But I used to go through my clients' purses when they were sleeping, and there were so many times that I pretended to join some monastery just to get a free meal, and then there's the countless other scams... Just couldn't hold a job, always got too paranoid, or just plain bored. This would probably be the longest running scheme, if it weren't for the fact that anyone can be a Scribe here...? It's not like anyone gives a shit.

And telling the truth... I don't know if it's just that the guilt from lying hurts now, or that you can't really lie about certain things when you're stuck in one place for an elongated period of time, or if I just don't care if certain truths come out. It's all a big mess...

Anyhow, being complimented is obviously better than getting yelled at all the time, but it still feels like a responsibility, because I don't know if I can actually be what folk see me as... Do I want to...?

Anyhow... At least there's a lot of distractions at home. I think enjoy cleaning, dishwashing and laundry more than any of this. Oh, and lately, Tonka's started to climb on top of the bookcase, the one that's too tall, and then she gets scared, and I have to be there to catch her as she jumps down, otherwise she'll just keep meowing. Inky's reading academic journals from the Sandstone... I don't know much... okay, anything... about academia, but a lot of those just seem like nonsense! But they enjoy it, so who am I to judge...?

Oh, and Magnifica's... adjusting... to her new home. She doesn't really let Tonka or Inky get anywhere near her, but at least she leaves them alone if they do the same. Tonka's just curious about her. Inky hates her. She eats way too much... I'd put her on a diet if I wasn't afraid of her pecking my eyes out!

THIS AVIAN FIEND SHOULD SUP ON VENIN! HER PRESENCE IS AN ANATHEMA! HER PLUMAGE SHOULD MAINTAIN A MODEST SPATIO-TEMPORAL DISTANCE FROM MY ATHENAEUM, IF SHE DOES NOT WISH TO DISPOSSESS HERSELF OF IT UTTERLY!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 23rd, IY 7788

We don't do the Shum Sheroy Shuffle anymore! It's cursed, and causes head explosions! Well... it caused one head explosion... and it might've been Martin's ghost... but Martin was so kind, so I kind of doubt that, so, it's probably the dance itself! I don't know how a dance becomes cursed, but I'm not taking any chances! Besides, a dance craze lasts about a month or so, before it becomes passé... For me, anyhow!

Donny's back in town, too, but he isn't shirtless, anymore, so, it's not as big of a deal as I was hoping for... Well, it's still a big deal, but it could be bigger. Lots of folk know him, and his legendary martial arts! I wish I was as famous... But with fame, comes a lot of trouble! But he has those martial arts, so... He can deal with it. I think I'm too petite to learn martial arts, myself! So, I just dance... I guess I could dance out of such situations... Just not by doing the Shuffle!

Oh, and Narwen did the Sandworm, and it was so funny, but I didn't giggle, because she's my friend, and that would've been rude... But her flops and squirms were surprisingly springy!

Wait, I guess that isn't surprising at all...

Anyhow, now I'm looking for the next dance craze! I hope that it isn't cursed! There's too many curses around here, already!

Oh, and there was the Divan meeting... There was a reporter! I got so excited, that I babbled too much, like usual... I wish I could collect my thoughts in a most succinct fashion! But it's too hard... I kind of want to be Legate even less after that meeting! And not just because I saw Marcellus' horrible burgerface... Or because of all the terrible scheming... Or because Angelique almost overdosed, again... Or because I'm going to have nightmares about the reporter's and Secretary's disgusting tryst...

It's because of all of it! It's horrible!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 24th, IY 7788

I think Narwen's sister might be a cannibal...? At first, I thought she was speaking in metaphors, but no, she really did carry Grandpa Danebluff's... remains... to the Plaza...? Now, I'm not sure if any flesh eating actually took place, but since she likes giant bones, which is weird since she isn't a dog or an archaeologist, I'm kind of jumping to conclusions here, but it's a logical jump, so, it's not just assumptions... Well, it might be, but they're sound assumptions, which are better. Slightly.

I'm not sure how she was able to do all that without being arrested...? I didn't see this horrific show of gore, so I don't know... If I had, I'd have been screaming and running in the opposite direction! And, well... it kind of makes me want to stick to veggies, bean and fruit, for a while... which is just fine... I like healthy foods!

The really awkward thing, though, is that Narwen seems so happy to be with her, so, I'm not sure what to do... They were dancing, and singing, and it was fun, but with a macabre undertone due to her sister's probable cannibalistic tendencies... I kind of just went along with it, because I don't want to make Narwen unhappy, and she kind of tends to just ignore such things as hearsay...? But her sister actually is crazy... I don't know what to do! At some point, I'm just going to scream at Narwen... "Your sister is a crazy cannibal!"

────────────────────

Anyhow... I went off on a trek to Nusrum, with Narwen, Kellyn, Niccolad and Shane... There was an eerie quiet! Not an orc in sight! Just a bunch of gnolls, harpies and crazy folk! Well, there was one orc... but he's kind of a weird one, so... He'll always be there, I guess. Kellyn and Narwen had some minor drama... It's never good, seeing sisters fight, so, that makes me anxious about that Sagelin thing, even more... but... I have to tell her...? But she probably knows already... I don't want to think about that!

Where could've the orcs gone...? What possible hiding place could there be...? If we knew, we could just seal them in there, forever... They can have a nice, possibly underground society, and leave everyone else alone! Yeah! That sounds pretty sweet, actually... There's a lot of problems with not knowing where they are! Like, you could just randomly wander into the place on your travels, and then you'd die in a most painful fashion... That's horrible! We should find it immediately, to protect the wanderers and drifters of our land... and to stop the war from continuing, too, of course!

Anyhow... What decides whether a scrawl is merely an amusing graffiti, or an intriguing morsel of historical importance...? My name used to be scrawled on the wall of many a lavatory, and sometimes I wonder if any of it remains, and some archaeologist will mistake those for something historically important, and not just, you know, gossip... I wonder about a lot of silly stuff, but I kind of have to let my mind wander, or I'll go crazy in this place!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 25th, IY 7788

I keep finding decks of these Tarot cards, but they only have a bunch of the same card, so, they're completely useless for Patience... also known as Solitaire... I think the latter name is more accurate, because usually when I play Solitaire, it's more because I'm solitary, and there's nothing to do, because there's nobody else to talk to, and I don't have any patience for that, in fact, I always play the game when I have little patience for whatever is going on... Maybe it's supposed to be a source of patience...? Who knows!

Anyhow, I don't know why they keep making decks like this! Maybe they only have print... thingys... for one type of card...? But that doesn't seem like a good way to run a card business... Not that I'm an expert, I just really like card games!

Some card decks are magickal, too, which seems completely useless to me, because if you use magickal cards instead of regular ones, you're either going to get kicked out of the gambling den, or they're going to bury you alive, and nobody wants either of those things... Maybe there's wizardly gambling dens where that's all okay...? Which would be just silly, but I guess magick is silly.

Oh, I also won a race against Mirkka! I'm pretty proud of myself, because she's so fast! But I have really strong legs... Which results in stunning speed! She's looking for the Meet-a-Brew... which I think is a brew that's perfect for social occasions...? I'm not sure. The name's weird!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 26th, IY 7788

Apparently, there was a giant cat in the Pyramid, but I missed it, because I was taking a nap... I wish I had seen them! Taking care of a giant cat is probably a lot of work... Money, too! I don't know what you'd feed them... Camels...? So, I prefer Tonka being a tiny lady, and not just because of that... Tiny things are cuter than giant things! Though... If I had a giant cat, I could just climb atop its head, and have glorious adventures in perfect safety, because nobody messes with a giant cat! I could discover Fairyland... I'm pretty sure that it's in some valley, between some mountains, and that's why nobody's found it before... A giant cat could just leap to such a place!

I wonder if the Colossi had giant cats...? They did have giant books, and giant carpets... We found some of those carpets, again, on the archaeological expedition I went on with the Torchbearers, Jamileh, Zol Nur and Jaecop... Oh, and Celebunny was there, too. There's a lot of these carpet shops... carpet warehouses... carpet closets... My theory is that the Colossi really liked carpets, and that's why there's so many of them laying about! Many carpets, not Colossi! Well, kind of a lot of both... and not just because laying down on a carpet is much comfier than the bare floor...

I've learned that lesson so many times in the past... Falling asleep on the floor of whatever place you're squatting at seems like a perfectly fine idea when you're drunk, but then you roll over, and a splinter wakes you up and then you panic and roll around more and then you have multiple splinters stuck in you and it's horrible and you panic even more and the alcohol hasn't left you yet so that makes it even worse so you don't know what to do really and you kind of just roll up into a ball in the corner and hope that you vomit soon so that it will give you enough clarity to get the splinters out but it just kind of makes another mess and you wait for the morning and by that point you kind of realize that the splinters are the least of your troubles because how the fuck did you get into this mess anyhow

BREATHE!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 27th, IY 7788

Mr. Kreame struck again! Well, he's not really worthy of being called "mister"... Just Kreame... Anyhow, he raided the Souk with treacherous trench coats, and animated chairs, and then he hid word bombs everywhere... Some of them blew up! It was because some folk that weren't smart about words tried to disarm them... I should probably get a sign with a warning about that... Probably. Why do I have to fund all of these signs myself, anyhow...?

One of the bombs was hidden in the Well's Well, which was not well. Well, all was well in the end, I guess, because nobody died, but they were hurt real bad, so, they could've died. The weirdest bomb was in Marcellus' library! It was in Martin's old hidey hole... and we couldn't stop it from blowing up! Not only did Marcellus lose another door, which keeps happening very often, by the way, but there was also a bunch of magickal shrapnel! Marcellus' couch grew a couple of sizes, the Hand of Izdu flipped me off, there was a free lightshow, one of the braziers shrunk to the size of a mouse, there were floating chairs and tables... I got a rainbow ring, too, but then this dumb Nadiri dispelled it off of me, which was rude, you really should ask for consent before you do something like that!

I miss that rainbow ring so much... I wish I could've had it forever and forever! It truly was a fashion accessory like no other!