The Journal of Bashir Khatara

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 28th, IY 7788

I'm finally finished with these damn uniforms! These damned, gorgeous uniforms, with the highly flattering leggings! Anyhow, it's the summer... I think it's the summer, anyhow... And this is how I'm spending it! Mending and washing uniforms in the basement! It's not even my basement, or my collection of uniforms... Not that I would collect uniforms, because only a real weirdo would do something like that... I collect coconuts, instead!

Oh, I wonder if I could have a basement in my home...? Probably not... It's probably against regulations or something. "The Well can only have so many basements..." And there's probably a risk of some creepy weirdos digging into your basement from the gutters, probably because they're looking to steal uniforms for their creepo uniform collection... Again, coconuts win, because nobody steals coconuts!

Anyhow... Summer! It's nothing like I'd like it to be... There's no shirtless guys, showing off their muscles, instead if somebody has no shirt on it's because they can't afford one and they're highly emancipated... I mean emaciated... I guess they're emancipated from their musculature due to a lack of nutrition, in a way... Anyhow! They're too skinny, and it's horrible, because not only is it really sad, it's also a terrible waste of the masculine form, which makes me curse foul Pra'raj even more!

Oh yeah... I can come out of the basement, now! I kind of got used to this place, though... I'll rise very slowly! I hope that I didn't get light blindness!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 29th, IY 7788

What a busy day! Everyone seemed to have business with me... I think I even forgot a few matters, in midst of all that hustle and bustle... I hope nobody was offended! It's just that I was obviously so busy with the fashion show! I wish folk had better sense of timing! But everyone always brings something up at the very last moment!

Anyhow, the show was absolutely fabulous! I love seeing people put in so much hard work... It's really endearing! But I do wish that Cogsworth had asked for help with his design much earlier... I was almost late! And not the fashionable kind of late! Now, judging the contestants was surprisingly difficult, because I didn't want to be too mean, but you kind of have to be mean so that there's room for growth! I think I had given a six there if I had been brutally honest...

My favorite design was Zain's! Who insists that he's dead, now. I don't really get it, because he's obviously alive! He looks, sounds and behaves just like Zain, so... Maybe he's just bored of being called Zain...? Which I don't get at all, if you have a name starting with a "Z", then that's pretty neat, and you should be thankful for it! I think it's my favorite letter... Anyhow, Zain's design has so much storage space, that it's pretty much a warehouse in clothing form! I'm considering buying it, myself! I have lots of stuff that needs carrying... like my makeup, which I leave at home, except for my kohl, because it's not that heavy, unlike my whole makeup kit, which has probably like a hundred different parts!

I don't count that high, so I can never be too sure, but it's a lot!

And I thought I was out of the council business, but they pulled me back in! Well, Zain did... I'm in his cabinet now. I need to make parayshoot papaya parachont parachutes! It's really important... I have never made parachutes before so I'm kind of nervous... I hope that I can do a good job! I wonder if the parachutes are allowed to have a little bit of flair to them...? Maybe some inspiring message for the recipients? Like, "hang in there", with an embroidering of Tonka above it!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 30th, IY 7788

Argent tried to trial Nesilhan for treason, for some reason! Having an actual treason reason wasn't in season! And for some reason, some folk wanted me to save her! I don't know how, exactly, but I was going to talk to some of my contacts... But as I was getting ready to do that, it was suddenly announced that there wasn't going to be any trial at all! So... Thankfully I didn't have to really do much at all...? It was so weird!

Oh, and we worked on the parachutes, too... Turns out that making parachutes is a lot of work! You need a ton of fabric, and string, and rope, and wires, and a bunch of other stuff, like magickal runes, and Cogsworth wanted to make the parachute partially sentient, or something, but I don't think that's very safe, because you risk getting another Scrollo! Some things shouldn't have any semblance of sentience... Especially not parachutes! I don't want a parachute going "hi, I'm a parachute" constantly as it plummets down! I don't think anyone wants that...

And we need more silk! There can never be enough silk... I hope I don't have to pay that from my own pocket... But I kind of expect some people to want just that, and they'll call it patriotism, or something, despite never using their own money for anything like that... It isn't fair! Folk are such hypocrites around here!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 1st, IY 7788

It's Illul, and I haven't got any harvest, so I'm kind of lukewarm on the prospect... Then again, the stalls will have plenty of tasty food on sale, so, I win anyhow! Hooray! I guess...?

Anyhow, turns out that the finest of Baz'eeli silk is really expensive... But the flamewing silk isn't too bad...? I think it'd be enough for many a parachute! I think. I kind of don't know anything about the mathematicks, the physicks, the geometricks or the parachuticks, but I think that things will be just fine if we get funding!

But funding is usually the the hardest part, if you're doing something actually useful, around here, so... I hope we have good fortune on our side!

The atmosphere in the office is kind of weird... Celebunny is a diligent laborer, but even he is drawing the ire of Argent! I don't really know why... He seems real grumpy. Maybe he couldn't get the hair dye that he really likes...? I would never dye my hair, that's just so embarassing. I'll go gray with dignity... Except I won't ever go gray, because I'm so healthy, and desert halflings age really, really, really well. This also means that I don't have to completely overhaul my entire wardrobe, because a change of hair color would demand it!

I do sometimes wonder how I'd look with red hair... Absolutely fabulous, no doubt, but one should not tamper with what is already perfect!

Oh, and it's kind of weird that he's dyeing his hair silver, because that just makes humans look older! Why would anyone want to do that...?

Anyhow... Are avocados in season...? I need some for my pita, and my face!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 2nd, IY 7788

Yet another strange day... For a moment, I had to consider if it wasn't all a dream, caused by me eating spoiled kuku! I have weird dreams when I do that... Not that I do that on purpose! It only happened once!

Well, twice... But it still looked so tasty! How could've I known...?

Anyhow... Marcellus wandered off to do some boardwork, and he nearly died, twice, I think, first to some hobgobs, I think, and then to some elderly snatchers from Arslan...? I think. It's all so strange! With all this wandering that he does, you'd think that he'd be more wary of danger! And you'd also think that he was a fellow Waradim!

Then, I saw Narwen's magickal bucket... It's full of fruit. That's not the magickal part! The fruit grows back! And not on a tree. It grows back inside the bucket, because it's a magickal bucket. It's really slow, though, so you can't use it to feed the Disc. Which stinks... I guess you could get a bunch of magickal buckets, though.

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And then, one of the dwarves from Got Valdhazr dragged me to the Divan, because Princess Shaimela wanted to see me and my latest designs! Unfortunately, I only had some dupion on me, nothing finished, beyond my uniform, and as stylish as it is, it's a uniform, so... I was kind of in a sticky situation, but she didn't mind, thankfully. Instead, not only did she enlist me as kind of a personal reporter for the Divan, she also wants me to make a scarf for her!

And she paid me a Lot of Money for it! Now, it's so much money that it's going to invite in trouble if I keep it, so, I'm going to put most of it towards the parachute project... and her scarf. I think I'm going to save the rest for taxes... It's an awful boring use of money, but I don't want to get shanked again!

I might use some of it for charity, too... Maybe buy a bunch of magickal buckets for the refugees! But those do sound really expensive, so I don't know how many I could afford with the leftover money! And there is a risk that folk would start calling me "Ol' Bucket Bashir", instead of "Big Bash", and that's just way worse, because I'm not an old geezer, and that kind of nickname only works respectfully for old fogeys, and I'm not becoming one anytime soon...

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And then... There was a trial for Ashley! She tried to kill Arymathry... or Nadirix, whatever. The wait for it was so long, it was one of the longest waits ever for a trial... I kind of just hanged around with Atticus, and then Miro, and it was so much waiting, that by the time it finally started, I had sketched about a hundred different scarves, already! The trial was really long, too, and spooky, because they summoned some horrid shadow monster as evidence, and folk were acting as if that's just a regular thing that happens...

Somebody also started an illegal bakery in the Pyramid's basement, again...? Or there was a haunted baker...? Something like that, I don't really get it. Also, Nonon was raking the Hall of Jurisprudence, for some reason. She said that it was a relic, but even a relic rake is meant for raking, so, I'm onto her, and her raking schemes...

Anyhow, Argent sentenced Ashley to be tossed off the Eagle's Mount! I'm not sure what happened. I mean, she fell off, sure, but I'm kind of wondering if she ended up like Scrollo, which would be really horrific, but she's probably not as light as Scrollo, so maybe that didn't happen...? It's such an awful way to die, whichever way it went... I'm not sure what to think about all of this, Ashley was mostly nice to me, even though she yelled at me once, I'm pretty sure... But she did also help me turn into a fairy, that one time, so, she was kind of a complex person, at least to me...

It's going to be so weird not seeing her around! And we don't really have that many physicians, to begin with... Losing even one is a dire blow! Was she really crazy...? Or was it the other Astronomers...? Or are they all crazy? I'm kind of betting on the latter!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 3rd, IY 7788

Making a scarf for royalty is so much responsibility! Even if I have realistic expectations... She probably already has like a thousand scarves, and she'll either wear this once a year, or she'll wear it once and then completely forget about it! I'll still do my best with it... And I mean, maybe there's a chance that she'll really like it, and she'll commission other stuff, too, and I can get enough money for Baz'eeli citizenship, or she'll just give it to me, or I'll just keep getting enough money to fund the war effort...?

I swear, if I save the Disc just because I'm really good at making scarves, well... Then I'll deserve a vacation!

Now, I hope that we can continue work on the parachutes, soon... Zain says that the ideal shape for a parachute is a square. He knows the geometricks and physicks better than me, so I'll trust him, but squares are so... square! You'd think that they'd be the shape that falls the hardest. I mean, boxes do... You don't want to be under a box, when it falls, and boxes are... six squares! Maybe it just compounds... Then again, pianos fall in a most deadly fashion, and they're not really any established shape, other than piano... shape...

I just mention this because this one time, in this one town I was staying in, I think it might've been Yartar, well, anyhow, I saw a man die to a piano fall! Well, I didn't actually see it... I just heard about it... And it happened two months before I arrived in town... And it was a highly dubious tale, actually, so, maybe it didn't happen at all!

There was a man-shaped hole in the ground, next to a tower, though! But it could've been something else...

I wonder if the Princess likes zebra patterns?

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 4th, IY 7788

There's 365 days in a year, and I spend most of those working! I'd rather spend them at the beach, a beauty parlor, or in bed! These are the three preferable b's... There's probably a bunch of more... I'd also prefer men-only bars, but those only partially start with a b, which upsets the balance... which also starts with a "b"!

Anyhow, as long as a year can be, the list of eligible bachelors still remains quite short... A tenth of the amount of days, really! It can be so disappointing, most of the time... I either find out that the guy I'm enamored by is completely and utterly heterodoxical... I mean heterosexual! Anyhow, I either find that out, or something else that's a complete dealbreaker! Like this guy that was flirting with me for a couple of weeks, well, turns out that he's a dad! With three kids!

I'm not raising your rugrats! I don't want to be a stepdad! They can't call me "uncle", either! I only accept the role of parent to cats... dogs... unicorns... and stepnephews or stepnieces, but only in a strictly distant capacity, like I'll visit them for their birthday, and that's about it. I'm a highly busy person! I have no time for kids! I have all the time in the world for cute critters, though...

Children are adorable, too, but they're also far too much responsibility, so, because I can absolutely avoid said responsibility, I'll choose to do just that! Yeah!

Anyhow, why's it so hard to find a guy who's single, handsome and handy, muscular but not overly so, isn't a dad, has a steady job, isn't secretly crazy, preferably has at least some elven ancestry though I also accept other lineages that give you a really cute type of androgyny because I'm not too picky...? Also, they should be a ginger, or have silver hair, but only if they're not a human, because humans with silver hair look simply ancient.

Someone gorgeous should woo me in a most immediate fashion! And I don't mean that some guy should just yell "WOO" at me repeatedly, I've had guys who've completely misunderstood the concept of wooing and it's simply embarassing and most annoying... It really hurts my ears when they do that!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 5th, IY 7788

They held a debate at the Tower! It was all about charity... I was thinking of taking part, but then there was a bunch of really smart people, and I would've just looked silly, and it would've been so embarassing. These academic folk have all sorts of complicated reasoning...s and I'd just prefer to keep it simple!

My favorite arguments came from Atticus and Elara! I wish they'd have won... Instead, Balstan won, because he told some parable about monks and wives or something. I don't really like monks, despite a lot of monks being very handsome, actually, that's the reason I don't like them, they're so handsome and muscular but they also insist that they're celibate? Which I don't believe for a second... What a waste of hot looks! Anyhow, I didn't really get the point of the parable, and I think merchants should stop taking stuff from the charity box, because selling stuff isn't charity!

Anyhow, if I had taken part, I would've just told the simple truth... Charity is all about helping folk, and bringing a smile to their faces, which, in turn, will make you smile as well! That's why the best kind of charity, in a lot of cases, is sweet charity! If you bring someone candy, they're sure to smile! Unless their face is paralyzed, then you should bring something else... Like pretty flowers, or medicine for their paralyzed face, or a kitten if your cat had kittens, because every kitten deserves a good home, so it's mutual charity for both the kitten and the new kitten haver...

Oh, Tonka didn't have kittens, she's far too young for that! And I have to approve of the tomcat that's courting her...

Anyhow, tomorrow's the Assembly, and the best kind of charity for me would be a vacation to get away from it!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 6th, IY 7788

The Assembly... Well, at least the Princess was entertained! Yeti Onion, or Onion Yeti, whatever his name is, kept barging into the Chamber and throwing stinky stinkbombs around, and I had to help the custodians with getting the stench off, later... It was a lot of work! I had to try every single perfume and incense and aromatic and potpourri and other stuffs and things that I had...

The guy from the insurance company, yeah, that guy, well, he visited too, and brought some papers that explained that the insurance for one ashsail is a hundred thousand dinar! Just for one! Those things are real expensive... Well, it seemed like we should just give up, because nobody in the Well has that kind of money, except for the Princesses, and they kind of don't live here, because they're up above, but anyhow...

Marcellus called for Pook Ulbo! And Pook Ulbo put up his sons as collateral to cover for the insurance... Apparently each son was worth a hundred thousand...? Look, this is all awful, and if there actually is slavery involved, which sounds very likely, then all these slaving bastards should be slaughtered in a most rapid fashion, but I'm still questioning what exactly makes his sons worth so much... I mean, if these are adult sons, maybe they're really handsome, like really handsome, and that's the reason, but I doubt it, because the father is definitely not a looker!

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Anyhow, Marcellus and Pook can be spared, because they're both obviously insane, and incapable of morality, so, they should just be sent off to an mental asylum, somewhere, where they can sit on the garden bench while yellowed leaves fall upon their addled heads... I read that scene in a book, once! It was really sad... but I don't know if autumn exists anywhere here! So, it'd probably just be a bunch of scrawny branches falling on their heads... which is more painful than sad!

Then there was the Battle at Lover's Gap! The Thrust into the Lover's Gap...? I don't know... I wanted to fund some of the combatants, but only the dwarven Prince and his bodyguard were around, so, I could only give them a Lot of Money... I hoped it helped enough. People are always off in such a hurry, that I can't give them money... Well, people that'd actually need it, anyhow, the scam artists are slow in more ways than one...

Anyhow, I heard a lot of folk died... People are saying that Samton died, but I don't believe that for a moment! He is far too brave, and fierce in battle, for that to happen... Also, I think all blows bounce off his belly! So, yeah, he's probably just really hungry after all that fighting, and we'll seen him soon, after he finishes going through a few restaurants, and then everything will be back to normal! Wait, I don't want that... Everything will be better than ever before! Hooray!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 7th, IY 7788

Why are all of the trials around here so weird...? Yeti Onion wanted to be the advocate for a brooking case, and his genius strategy was to proclaim that he was so inept at his job that there should be a call for a mistrial... Which isn't a thing in the Well! Well, I don't think so, anyhow, based on people's reactions... I don't really get the law.

So, because he didn't even try, really, his client was sentenced to death! And then, because he broke the law by being so inept, he was on trial, later, himself! And he was made a ward of the Priory...? I don't know if that'll work at all, the Sisters take such long naps down in the basement, and they don't take men down there... I think Yeti Onion will just die after he tries eating a dozen rocks in a row, or something!

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Anyhow, he also won the Grand Raffle... Which is a thing, now. I don't know who's funding it, or where the money came from, but Jessica gave a Lot of Money to Yeti during his trial, but Yeti immediately tried bribing Stern with it, and then folk told me to drop all that money into the treasury, which I did... The treasury really needed that money, so it was nice!

Also... Maddicus told me that Jessica's a shapeshifter, a couple days ago, and told me to solve the Mystery of Jessica, but I can't even find out who hired her, and then I told Aaisha about it, and she called me a speciest! Or speciesist. I don't know how that's spelled... but I do know that I'm not one! I just think it's weird, hiring a shapeshifter, who can barely control her powers... People are starting to ask too many uncomfortable questions!

She doesn't even use her strange powers for work... She just keeps changing her style! She should transform into an ogre, and help us with carrying the heavy stuffs and things... It's what I'd do... but I wouldn't transform into an ogre, I'd transform into something far cuter! Like a giant tressym!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 8th, IY 7788

I was praying at the shrine, when a booming voice came from the board, claiming itself to be Warad! It said that it would give me the latest cologne if I gave a donation of a thousand dinar...

In hindsight, it's kind of obvious that Warad wouldn't waste their time on such things, but... These things are a spur of the moment sort of thing! I really wanted that cologne! It takes so long to order stuff here! If a god could just drop it for me from the heavens, that would be much faster...

Anyhow, turns out it was actually a gnome, who was really good at throwing his voice, and he took my money and ran! Prince Never-Crown was there, too, and he chased after the gnome, all over the Well! And somewhere along that chase, Vesryn, the elf with the tight pants and whom I hear has connections to the Glaziers, stole my money from the gnome! Also, they killed the gnome! I didn't want him dead... I just wanted my money back... and my cologne... and maybe some kind of ironic payback, like, a ventriloquist dummy falling on him, and giving him a headache...

I didn't get my money back... I was saving it for the war effort! Now I have to work more to get it back...

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And later, a Soldier was looking for Grandpa Danebluff! He asked for help with a case, so we all went over to the Palm Heights... And there was a murder most foul, there! Apparently, Grandpa Danebluff has some kind of nemesis, who's blowing up really shitty bombs and doing really clumsy murders, and it's all kind of weird... I feel so sorry for the victim, to get caught up in all this drama, like that! Nobody deserves to get murdered, especially over confusing drama!

I hope they catch the bastard, soon, because if they don't, he'll keep making terrible bombs, which will either explode in his face in some granny's basement, or blow up while he's en route to his target, and innocent bystanders will get caught in the blast! Well, I guess the target is probably innocent, too... Unless it's Grandpa Danebluff, whose list of sins is probably so long that it doesn't fit into any regular drawer, so, whomever's in charge of accounting sins probably had to order a custom-made one, just for Grandpa Danebluff's medley of sins...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 9th, IY 7788

What a stressful day... First, I thought that this lady was a tiny skeleton, because she was wearing a giant skull on her head, which was really weird, but she still didn't deserve to be horribly beaten up by Narwen's sister, which was just what she did, because she's kind of crazy...? Anyhow, I paid for her physician's bill, because I felt so guilty for drawing attention to her... I kind of should keep my mouth shut, but then again, what if it really had been a tiny skeleton, or a crazy person using the skull for dark magicks...?

And then, I tried to get my money back from Vesryn, but he refused, so, Horton had to arrest him, and he refused that too, so, Horton had to beat him up, and I felt guilty about that, too, because I just wanted the money back, so I could use it for good deeds... Which I did, afterwards, but I didn't pay for Vesryn's physician, because he was really rude, and called me a parasite, or something like that, anyhow... I gave all the money to the Rose orphans! It's a much better use of the money than easing his pain, because he's a real jerk, and he deserved at least most of it!

And as if that wasn't enough, Jessica disappeared, though, according to Maddicus, she never really existed in the first place. I don't really get it... Supposedly she wasn't a shapeshifter, but multiple people? Were they identical twins, but only identical in voice...? Because she sounded the exact same, every day... I really, really, really don't get any of this. I'd ignore all of this normally, since Maddicus is utterly insane, but Jessica was acting real weird before she disappeared, and well, there is the fact that she keeps looking completely different each and every day!

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And then, for some reason, folk wanted me to do a bunch of stuff... Like, investigating Jessica, which I am already doing, but they want me to talk to Yiti, and I really don't want to do that, because he's even crazier than Maddicus, somehow... But I am going to do that, because maybe there really is something weird going on. Weirder.

What I don't get at all though, is that some folk apparently think that I could sway the tide of the war...? As in have a meaningful impact on whether we march to Arslan or Got Valdhazr...? I really, really, really don't get why folk think that I of all people could do that... Folk only listen to me when it comes to more day-to-day stuff, like fashion, or perfume, or food, but nobody's ever really heeded what I have to say on politics, and that's probably for the better, anyhow... I don't get any of it.

I really want to help the refugees of Got Valdhazr, but I also know that if we do, that'll mean that Kha'esh will probably leave the union, or just punish us in some horrible way... And then the further battles will be much more difficult. I'll probably advise the Legates to help them, anyhow, but I also know that it won't mean anything at all... I actually know how much I can do, in reality, even if some don't. Maybe that's depressing, but it is what it is...

It also doesn't help that Colmes wants me on the battlefield, wherever we decide to go... Not in the midst of it, hopefully, but... to keep records, or as a messenger. If it's the latter, I know that I'll die. There's no chance that I'll survive... and even if it's just taking notes, the chances of survival are abysmal. So... I have to look at my will, again. I'm not sure whom to trust Tonka to... I wish I didn't have to think about such things, at all.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 10th, IY 7788

The die was cast... Well, there were only two options, so it's not really a die, more like a sheet with something scrawled on both sides, and after it landed, those tossing it got a ton of moral baggage and a curse thrown at them! Yeah, a curse, and a real one... It was so scary! Even though those dwarves talked a lot about doom, I still didn't expect that!

I feel so sorry for the refugees... I really wanted to make those parachutes to help, but... I don't have much say in these things. In fact, I don't have any! Now the flamewing silk's going to be used for something else... I guess that they might need supply drops for other missions...? But I don't know...

It'll probably end up being used for fireproof uniforms, or something like that. Which is fine, at least some of our soldiers will look representable on the battlefield... Even if the final battle takes place atop a volcano! I don't read a whole lot of these historical war novels, but the ones I read, they all end at the top of a volcano! Which is a very showy ending... But I don't think there are that many volcanoes around here...? Well, it's historical, so, maybe there used to be more.

Anyhow, all this cursery is way too spooky for my tastes... The Legates really should look into anti-cursery. I'm sure that some Nadiri's specialized into that, but can't get a promotion, because some Apothar or Zenithar's specialized into curses, instead, and it's a real awkward mess...

Oh! I got a letter from Grandpa Danebluff!

Oh no!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 11th, IY 7788

The labors of a Scribe are so varied, and even with how long I've been working, I still haven't gotten used to going to their office... I hate it there! I'd rather go anywhere else! Like... a beach vacation! Yeah, that'd be pretty sweet, actually...

Anyhow, at least my part of the work is pleasant enough, though I do wish folk would make their decisions faster! Everyone's always so last minute... I can't work under such time constraints! Well, I can, but it's not great. Details are important, and you can't have many details with so little time! Now, without time, things would be far less stressful... I'd ask Cogsworth if he can do some kind of ritual to get rid of time, if even for a little moment, but he loves time, whereas I hate it, so, it's just not going to work...

Oh, and he wanted Golden Cog dye! I don't have any left! It's such a niche product, to begin with... I mean, its rhyming counterpart, Golden Cock, is also very niche, because it's only useful for very particular activities!

Which is cockfights and cock shows... Which I wish were called roosterfights and rooster shows, instead...

I mean, the names hint at something far more grand than animal cruelty!

Anyhow, being a messenger boy is such tough work, because you have to find so many people, and they all have different schedules, and you can't go around waking them up, because then they'll be real grumpy and they won't listen to the message... This time, I found everyone right on time! It was real surprising! But even then, it was stressful... There's eyes and ears everywhere! Even in the broom closet!

Oh! A memo to myself... Don't hold hands with the Princesses! The Sultan doesn't know... even though it's so obvious!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 12th, IY 7788

The Oldblooms kidnapped me! It was horrible! There were so many Oldblooms, at least a baker's dozen, and they were going to stab me, and they hissed in unison... I still think the Oldblooms are snake ladies, no matter what the Astronomers say! Nothing that isn't a snake hisses... well, except for cats... and geese... I guess they could be cat ladies, too? Goose ladies is just way too out there, though!

Anyhow, they thankfully let me go... But I feel so stupid for trying to help... I should've just left the job to the professionals, like Horton! I shouldn't be looking for crazy catsnake ladies, they'll just end up kidnapping me... The good thing is that the Oldblooms seemed kind of shitty at their job! They were kind of terrible spies! Or maybe it's all a feint...? Maybe they're really good, and were just acting like that...? Espionage is such a fine craft...

But, if they truly were terrible, then it makes it all the more embarassing that I was caught! Oh no!

Oh... also... I saw Martin's ghost! I feel so sorry for him, even in death, he can't rest properly... But I'm not sure what to do to help him...? The Preparator heard about it, maybe he can do some kind of ritual to help him pass to the nether, or there-after, or whatever the afterlife is. I'm kind of worried that folk will think that I'm crazy, though, because Martin's ghost is really shy, and selective about whom he shows himself to! But, if enough folk see him, then maybe it'll be fine... I don't want a lunatic's reputation! Enough folk have that here, already!

Why's he listing so many numbers, though...? Ones and zeroes! I don't get it! I hate numbers... I bet a bunch of folk are going to ask me to list the numbers... Well, too bad, because I don't write boring stuff down! Yeah!