The Journal of Bashir Khatara

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 13th, IY 7788

Yet another meeting of the Purple, today... I wonder what it'll be like? Usually, there's a lot of yelling, and some folk from other Leagues are there, at the start, for some reason, as if everyone isn't aware of what League they belong to... Well, I am, anyhow, because I have my compendiums! I wish Remelle would cook up something tasty for these meetings, but that never happens, he just kind of hangs around... But I guess I'm not knitting snocks for every attendee, either!

None of the caravaneers want my socks! They must be sliding their nasty feet into their disgusting boots, that they stole from some goblin, completely bare! GROSS!

Anyhow... I really need to finish this green and gold outfit, somehow... Yet I want it to feature a tabard, but not just any tabard, a really special one, but finding the right fabrics to match it is so difficult, because I want it to be perfect! I have plenty of other ideas, but I kind of don't want to just leap into another design without finishing this one...

Also, I think the Scribes from the Office of Announcements are playing pranks on everybody else! Some recent files have bellows from someone named "Chocola Parfait"! That's such an obviously fake name! No such person exists! Then again... Maybe it isn't a prank at all, and it's secret wartime correspondence! Maybe "Chocola Parfait" is a secret agent...
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 14th, IY 7788

What a strange meeting! It was just me and Marcellus... Well, Zamia and Remelle were there... Hanging out... And no, Remelle did not cook anything for the occasion! So, it was mostly just us two, sitting around, trying to find something to talk about... We just decided to end it after a while, because it became obvious that nobody else was coming! Well, the door did open at one point, but there was nobody there! It was either the wind, or a creepy pervert! Oh, and Itziyal dropped by, too, but right when we were finished!

It was kind of awkward, because I only drop by to these meetings to avoid being rude, and I don't want to be the one doing all the talking... Now, if it was a perfume club, or a tea party, or a meeting of cat lovers, or well, the topic being anything that I'm actually interested in, I'd talk until the sunset, and the sunrise... I mean that I'd talk for an entire day! That's what I mean.

I do wish there were tea parties... I could host my own, but lately, it's been so quiet, probably because of the war stressing everyone out, so, I don't know if anyone would show up! So, at least for now, I just have to settle for drinking tea with Tonka and Inky. Tonka gets drowsy while I make tea... and Inky hates steam! So, they're not the best tea party attendees... But at least Tonka's cute while she's sleeping!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 15th, IY 7788

So busy! So much work! I wish I could get a vacation,  but no such luck... I mean, there's a war and all... Maybe I could get a vacation on the moon...? I'm pretty sure there's no war on the moon... But then again, maybe there's war everywhere! War stinks! I hate war!

But how'd I get to the moon, if it happened to be the exception...? I think witches can go there, I've seen plenty of fine art of witchy silhouettes set against lavish lunar backgrounds... But you have to know magick in order to fly with a broom! And I don't! Maybe there's a correspondence course...? Maybe not, it seems something that you really need a teacher for, otherwise you're going to try leaping off a roof atop a broom, and you'll hurt yourself, and everyone will think that you're nuts, even though you're just trying to learn how to fly...

I don't know why I'm so fixated on the moon! Maybe it's just conveniently far away from all this... And if there truly are moonfolk, I want to meet them, unless they're all crazy, like the folk from Arslan! But I don't think they are like that, because if they were, they'd probably have invaded ages ago, because folk say that the moon gives rise to strange powers, and because they live on the moon, they must surely have such strange powers in abundance!

THIS IS UTTERLY INANE, EVEN FOR YOU.

No...? It makes perfect sense!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 16th, IY 7788

Horton's back! And he really was kidnapped! And he was immediately made Prelate... That's some compensation for being kidnapped! I was held hostage, and the only thing I got out of it was trauma that will never heal! Not that I want to be Prelate, myself... If someone offered me the position, I'd start running the other way! In fact, I'd leap into the ceiling, first, and then run away, because nobody expects a ceiling runner.

I can't actually do that, but I would, if I could... There was this monk, atop the Spine of the World, that kept doing it, obviously to impress me so that he could get in my pants! I don't believe even for a moment that monks are actually celibate... Maybe the really ugly ones, because they can't get any, anyhow!

Maybe I should've asked him to teach me that trick... But all that monastic stuff gives me a headache, and not the kind that has good memories behind it... Just the boring kind, that I also get from the mathematics. But at least monks don't do the mathematics... Instead, they just kind of meditate a lot below waterfalls, or on top of hot coals, or atop a partially solid cloud that they created with their mind!

That last part sounds pretty sweet, actually... But the monastic life is not for me! Unless it's one of those monasteries where they actually cook surprisingly tasty cuisine... Then I might consider it. Living with a bunch of buff guys that also happen to be great chefs seems pretty great to me!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 17th, IY 7788

I thought that the manufacture of fabulous pigments was the strangest use for bugs, but this is far stranger! I don't really get any of this... It's all so weird... Folk have such crazy ideas around here! It better work!

Oh, and I really need to buy more carmine... Just in case a client wants it, none of my current designs have need of it! Every monthly line must be different, I can't be like one of those hack frauds that spend the entirety of their métier smearing charred remains over the finest of fabrics, hiding their elaborate textures under a void of luminosity... And why? Because some folk are so utterly dull that the idea of some actual color frightens them to their very core! 

CURSE THE LAMPBLACK!

Sure, Inky... Anyhow, it's not like I'm completely opposed to wearing black, it's just that if it's the only color that you welcome into your wardrobe, then you're an absolute bore, and you're probably making a bunch of other questionable life decisions, too! Like buying a bunch of oysters from the market just because they're on sale, and then immediately devouring them raw, like a disgusting pig! I couldn't look at that guy without thinking of food poisoning, so, dumping him was really easy...

Anyhow, I've got two finished designs for next month. Then again, with me, "finished" doesn't really mean that they're actually finished, I'll be making adjustments and readjustments and rereadjustments until I'm perfectly satisfied! Unless I get distracted with a third design... and its adjustments...
   

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 18th, IY 7788

Occasionally, folk ask me where I get my refreshing mango drinks from... I make them myself!  But I don't really want to tell them that, because then everyone would want some, and I'd have even more work! I'll gladly share them with friends and my handsome husband! Who I'll find... any day now...

And I don't want to risk giving my tasty drinks to someone, only for them to turn out to be a pulp hater! "No, thank you, I don't like pulp!" Well, I don't like you! The pulp is where all the healthiness is contained! No wonder all pulp haters suffer from a plethora of diseases! Such as scurvy... Steve's disease... and ugliness!

The fruit stalls don't ever seem to have long lines to them... Granted, I do my grocery shopping early in the morning, but still, it makes me worried for the health of the average Welldweller... You can't survive on a diet composed solely of falafel and nothing else! Even though chickpeas and fava beans are full of healthy goodness, they don't have all of the important nutrients, such as citric acid!

And don't get me started on the weirdo caravaneers who only eat hardtack and nothing else! No wonder they're crazy! They're not getting any brain nutrients at all!

Maybe Mro Po is the real reason why the Well hasn't fallen, yet... His delectable and healthy meals might be the true safeguard from things getting too crazy!
   

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 19th, IY 7788

Today, I've been in this hellhole for a whole year! It's probably the longest I've spent in one place, after leaving Calimport... Again, probably, I kind of don't remember, that, or a whole bunch of other stuff... Like my birthday! Which means that I get no birthday parties, and absolutely no birthday presents, whatsoever! It's horrible!

Anyhow, there's a whole bunch of memories tied to this place, most of them just plain weird, which is just fitting for such a strange and crazy place!

Like that time when I thought a dwarf was a brooker, but he wasn't, well, not at first, but he became a brooker after the Fourth interrogated him, and then he exploded... Then again, maybe he technically was a brooker, all along, because he had some weirdo brooker stuff on him, and he was ready to become one, in the end! Why'd he explode, though...?

────────────────────

What about that one time when Martin managed to set fire to some water... That made no sense at all! How'd he do that...? I'm glad that I haven't ran into anyone else that can do that, because I really like water, and I don't like drinking fire... I miss Martin so much... Oh! And I miss Kroggnought, too, I wish I could've taught him how to read and write, properly, he was showing so much promise, but then he had to die a hero's death... Which is better than most deaths, but I still miss him so much!

Oh yeah... Then there was that time when Martin lost the charity money, because the Big Heron stole it, and me, Aaisha and Horton had to solve the case, and we had to go all the way to the Glaziers' offices, because the Big Heron dropped it off there, and Akna made a deal with them, a deal that I'm not sure about the legitimacy of in the present state of things...? How does any of this work? Democracy is so weird.

How about that time when Bana, the most questionable hire to the Scribes ever, tried to eat Maddicus' face, and assaulted him, which caused Maddicus to fall over and hit his head, which gave him brain damage, and caused to him go completely crazy, which he remains to this very day...? Does Bana's ghost really speak to him, or is it just the voices inside his head?

────────────────────

Oh yeah, and then there was one of the many times where I almost got fired... When I dressed up Domhnall as a Scribe, so that he could have a secret tryst with Alejandro! Aaisha was so mad about it... Oh, wait, was it the first time that we did that that angered her, or the second...? Was there a third time? I can't remember! What a disaster their relationship turned out to be, in the end... I can't help but feel a little bit of blame, myself! If Aaisha fired me now, would she face treason charges, or are those just there for me...?

Or how about that time Domhnall tried to jump off the official Legatine Landing Platform... also known as the LLP... in order to kill himself, but Khalid saved him, even though Domhnall killed his wife, because Khalid's a real forgiving guy, like that! Or maybe Mari was still alive at that point, I can't remember, a whole bunch of stuff happened!

Also, that fall wouldn't have killed Domhnall, anyhow, it'd just have crippled him, for life, which probably would have stopped him from doing a bunch of crazy shit, so, maybe Khalid should've just let go...

────────────────────

How about that time when Narwen got brain spiders or worms, or spiderworms, and they told her to do a bunch of weird stuff, and gave her strange psionic powers, and she might've gotten butterfly wings if she'd listened, but the stuff the spiderworms were telling her was probably all malicious deeds, so, it probably wouldn't have been worth it, because then she wouldn't have had anyone to show her beautiful butterfly wings to!

And how about a truly disgusting memory...? That one time when Meadow and Anais went on the grossest date ever, with a bunch of gnome sniffers, well, one of them was the gnome that was being sniffed, but I suppose he was also sniffing himself, because he truly was the grossest pervert ever! I haven't heard of Meadow finding a boyfriend after all that time, which isn't really surprising at all... And not just because she keeps walking around with a bunch of disembodied heads that she lobbed off during her bounty hunting!

More weird stuff... Well, Xon was truly the King of Weird! There was that time when he transformed into Jamileh's backpack... and that other time, where he rotated wildly in the air, and then made Jamileh rotate, too! I was jealous, because I didn't get to rotate at all... besides the dancing I did that night... Oh yeah, and then there was that truly bizarre time, when he was just a giant head, and Eclair was mouse-sized! Oh, oh! Then, this one time, he transformed into a kitty cat, and he flew straight to the moon, and then there was this other time, where he got stuck in the sky, or became the sky, or a cloud, I don't really get it... I don't think I ever got anything at all about Xon, besides him having really cute eyes, I guess!

────────────────────

Then there was that time when Samton's prism addiction led him down a path of primal rage, and he shook the railing around the Pilgrim like an angry ape! Samton needs help, badly! So does Zol Nur! Prism addiction is such a sad sickness to witness!

And speaking of primal rage, what about Radislav slowly going absolutely insane, yet still continuing to walk into positions of power while being obviously completely nuts, culminating in him being an officer of the Fourth while walking around in poopy pants...? I'm glad I never went out with him, despite his many, many, many requests for sharing a drink together!

Oh, and what about that time when Marcellus got really angry at the Astronomers, and he threw a bottle at the wall, and Zain cleaned the shattered glass with his bare hands, and I was the only one who actually tried to staunch his bleeding fingers, because everyone else here is a fucking sociopath...?

────────────────────

Oh! There was that time when Akna and Alejandro were going to change licensure, but the Astronomers got real mad about it, and there was a really scary standoff at the Pyramid, which made the Legatine duo retract the decision, because the Astronomers are absolutely insane... The only meaningful thing Alejandro managed to do... not that it was his fault... during his one day as a Legate, was to write the most important law that the Well will ever see! Well, only certain people will ever see it... People I like, anyhow!

What about that one time when there was a ghost trial, and the ghost insisted that they had a license for being a spooky arse, and the Sublime Prosecutor handled the case like a real professional, but then she disappeared right after the trial, like most visitors from Baz'eel? I mean, I guess it makes sense, if you can either go here, or Baz'eel, I think anyone sane would pick the latter...

────────────────────

And there was that time when I almost befriended a fairy for life, by buying a jarred one from Trusty Pete in order to release them, but because he is the complete opposite of his nickname, he kept counting, and counting, and counting to stall the transaction, until I got real mad, and that startled him, and he threw the fairy jar into the air, and Richo tried saving the fairy, but he landed on top of the jar, and the fairy died, and I didn't get to go to Fairyland...

Oh, and that time, about half a year ago, when the Fat Father recognized that I'd been an absolute angel, and that I absolutely deserved a kitty cat, so he gave me gloves that cats really love, and Tonka appeared behind my door and refused to leave and after that she's simply been one of the best things that has ever happened to me during my entire life!

I THINK THAT YOU ARE FORGETTING SOMETHING TRULY IMPORTANT.

Of course! The time I mixed some magickal inks together, and there was a tiny little explosion, and you appeared, Inky, and it was really scary, because you were quite large and menacing in demeanor, but then you shrunk back to your regular size, and you've also really mellowed over these past few months, so you're not really scary at all, now!

I AM NOT MELLOW, NOR IS THIS MY REGULAR CORPOREAL SIZE! CURSE YOU!

────────────────────

Sure, sure... Oh, and then there was that time when Mari and I went to Hufaidh, and it was absolutely beautiful, and she showed me the top of the old volcano, and the sights there were completely unforgettable! Or that day when Alejandro showed me the Lily Tory, and it was simply wonderful, and the other time when he took me inside the tower, and the plantlife was absolutely bountiful, and oh so beautiful... I miss them both, so, so, so much...

Oh yeah! There's also that one time when me and Eclair started a fashion trend, and absolutely everyone in the Well had pink parasols! I truly am a trendsetter! Well, Eclair too, I suppose... There was also that one week where a lot of folk were wearing scarves, simply because I look absolutely fabulous with them! Think there was a whole month where everyone was copying my stylish sandals, too... It truly is humbling!

────────────────────

All of these memories are very... memorable... but I wish I'd have more memories that involve me sunbathing at the beach, surrounded by strapping elven lads, wearing nothing but loincloths, with copious amounts of sweat streaming down their majestic pecs and abs! Here's to another year, hopefully the half of which will be spent doing just that! I deserve it!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 20th, IY 7788

Today, I've been a Scribe for an entire year! There's a lot of memories involved, like that one time... Just kidding! I wrote far too much yesterday, already. And you shouldn't spend too much time looking behind you, unless there's a creepy stalker following you around, and even then it should be a subtle little glance, so that they don't notice that you noticed, so that you can run away from them at the next corner!

Anyhow... Why's Selsi napping next to the voting booth?! Everyone was acting as if wasn't anything unusual, which just makes it weirder. Some folk really don't know how to make things seem like business as usual! And then Narwen was asking us to stop working so that Selsi can sleep in peace... How about she naps at the Priory, instead! Especially if she's so stressed to fall asleep in the first place... why keep her in the most stressful place in the Well?

Oh yeah, and I wonder if she's a narcomaniac? I hope not, that's such terrible condition... I wouldn't be able to stand it, myself, even though I love sleeping! It's just that I want to choose when I do so, I don't want my brain to just randomly pick a time for me...

NARCOLEPTIC. MAYHAPS SHE IS UNFORTUNATELY HABITUATED IN ADDITION, YET THE WORD THAT YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR IS "NARCOLEPTIC".

Oh, okay... What's a "leptic"?
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 21th, IY 7788

I spent all day looking for Maddicus! I looked everywhere... His desk, the lavatory, the Chamber of Rule, the lavatory, Mro Po's, the Krak, the basement, the lavatory, the Lily office just in case he was radicalized, the Souk, the lavatory... I couldn't find him! Then, apparently later that day, he was attacked by another cannibalistic halfling! Where do they keep coming from?! I kind of hope that the assault reversed his insanity, but I don't think that's going to happen...

There was also this tea boy at the Pyramid, who was selling tea, because he's the tea boy. Anyhow, Mavé bought everyone there some tea, except the tea was free, but she gave him a tip, anyhow... That's nice of her, in more ways than one! The tea was very tasty! A lot of these trolley vendors... vendors with trolleys, not vendors that sell trolleys... go through the Pyramid, and they sell all kinds of interesting stuff... Mostly food... which is the most interesting of stuffs and things!

────────────────────

Anyhow, I picked up this new novelette, and I can't put it down! Not because someone glued my hands to it... the last time that happened, I poured some glue in their tea as revenge! Thankfully, nobody knew it was me, because I'm innocent like an angel, unless I'm getting revenge, and I don't really do revenge these days because it's honestly pretty immature and uncouth and that's not stylish!

Oh, the book! It's really good, it's about a really cute elf who inherits his great-uncle's tea shop, and he gets all sorts of curious clients, most of whom are either really hot guys or kindly old grandmas who give him a lot of money, which he uses to change his life around... Come to think of it, a lot of the novelettes I read are about abrupt business owners who learn about life and love through the operation of said business! And who can blame me... It's such an intriguing setup for love and drama!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 22nd, IY 7788

I think Argent went crazy! Crazier than usual, anyhow... But he did a bunch of utterly deranged stuff, and then he went on a vacation, or something. He used up a lot of the treasury to do said crazy shit, which is bad, because the treasury wasn't doing that great, anyhow. Which isn't going to change, anytime soon, because he lowered taxes to such an extent that there isn't going to be any money in the treasury! Unless someone's actually dumb enough to buy the now overpriced Voice... With that money, you could probably live somewhere else, far more comfortably!

I wish I'd get my lucky break with my designs... open up a business in Baz'eel, find a handsome husband, live far, far, far away from the lunatics of this place! Yeah, that sounds pretty sweet, actually... But it'll probably never happen, because some future Legate is going to ally us with the Sibilant, and he's going to be wearing a bucket full of shit on his head when he makes the announcement, while dancing out of rhythm at the same time...

I assume they're a guy, because all the ladies around here are too busy with sapphiric stuff to engage in politics... Also, guys are more likely to be completely crazy! I also assume that they lack any sense of rhythm, because if you have rhythm, then you'll follow it to pretty much any other occupation than Legate...

Like world-class noninterpretative dancer! The only thing to be interpreted from dance should be whether or not someone has smooth moves!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 23rd, IY 7788

Marcellus won! Somewhat surprising, but I suppose he has the biggest name recognition of anyone running! And lots of folk just walk into the voting booth... go "oh hey, I know this guy"... and just vote based on that! I suppose Balstan also wasn't able to bribe everyone... or the folk he bribed were laughing on their way to the Coinchangers... Probably a combination of both!

Anyhow, because these Gold leaguers were surprisingly terrible with money, we're now faced with a financial crisis! It's awful... All that money could've gone towards the war, but it went to a bunch of stupid shit, that won't matter in the least if everyone dies because of said war!  And there's that old annoyance tied to all of this... Some of these cronies get paid absolutely ludicrous sums! And then they have the gall to call me a moneybags, and say that my Scribal wage is too high... It isn't even half of some of these sums! I make far more from tailoring!

As for something far more positive... I asked around if anyone had stickers, because I didn't get mine for voting, despite voting which should guarantee one... And Kellyn gave me hers, just like that! She's real nice... Because she's so nice, I think they should promote her to Prioress, which I'm sure is a rank in the Sisterhood, despite Margarine's protests! And if it isn't, then that's weird, because they do have a priory, and a priory without a prioress is like bread without tasty muhammara!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 24th, IY 7788

Celebunny is doing an audit... It's not looking great! So many of these yes men and yea ladies are making absolutely absurd sums! And I have no idea where some of the money disappeared to...? Usually, around this time of the month, the treasury has about a hundred thousand in it, give or take a ten or two, but there was just fifty before the splurge on the stupid titles, and that isn't much at all! Why are the Gold so bad with money...? I can barely count, and my finances are far more sound than theirs!

I mean, it's obviously corruption, but if you're going to engage in that, you might as well do it well...? Doesn't look like anything was gained from any of this! Spendthriftry is so dumb!

It's why I spend my money wisely... I only buy the tastiest and most nutritious of foods, so that I get the most amount of delicious goodness from a mere few purchases... And the finest of fabrics, because then my artful talent can transform them into the most durable of styles, in more ways than one! The only reason that you should money on plots and schemes is if it's in order to get two obviously perfect-for-each-other people together! Any other sort of ploy is just a waste of dinar!

And to return to the labor that pays for all of that... very partially, at this point... I'll be so busy this week! Without Martin... there's a dearth of labor when it comes to mending these uniforms, even with his mishaps... It's awful!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 25th, IY 7788

What a strange day! Some lady pretended to be Maddicus... which is completely crazy, because he's not a lady, he's an old geezer! An old fogey! I asked her an identifying question, just to make sure that Maddicus hadn't had a strange spell placed upon him, whether by his own volition or by the strange whims of one of those witches that keep turning men into ladies, to supposedly teach them some kind of lesson, even though the only lesson learned from that is that changing one's very being without asking is really weird and highly abusive, and you should be more respectful of people's identity and you shouldn't mistake feminine traits for a wish to be a lady... I hate those witches! They're such bitches! They've no respect for identity!

Anyhow, it obviously wasn't Maddicus... Now, if she had been one of those bearded ladies from the circus, and she had done some actual research on what Maddicus is like, then maybe she could've pulled it off... She just vanished into thin air after she couldn't keep up her bluff!

────────────────────

And then, even weirder stuff happened... Some weirdo had cursed the Efuddy board, and strange words were coming out of it... They were word bombs, so they exploded, and I think a refugee was killed, or maybe just horribly maimed for the rest of their life... Anyhow, it was really scary, and the Plaza was rocked by the volatile word explosions, and the caravaneering folk tried to turn the tide, but couldn't, because swords don't beat words, or whatever... Well, they do, but in this case, they didn't!

Then, my confidence told me that only I could solve the case! So I did... I walked to the Efuddy board, and was completely unaffected by the explosions and other dangerous word magicks... And I began solving the word of the day! It was pretty easy, because it was "sheen"! Now, because the word looked like "S * * E N" for a moment, I was really worried that I'd have to say something really lewd to save the day... Thankfully, I didn't! Because if it had been that word, then everyone would have been going "oh, of course he guesses words like that" and it'd been terribly embarassing...

Anyhow, solving the word saved the day, and then the crazy lunatic who did all of that proclaimed himself as the inventor of Efuddy, and he wanted a bunch of money for inventing it, and he said that he had hired an assassin to stab me... It's why I'm hiding in the basement, mending these uniforms! Very few people have keys to the basement... And even assassins need keys! Unless they can pick locks... But the locks here are so ancient, that you'd have to be an ancient assassin to figure them out! So, good luck with that! I'll stay relatively stab-free, down here!

There's no cute guys down here, though... Besides me, of course! It stinks being the only cute guy!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 26th, IY 7788

Okay, so there's at least one cute thing besides me down here... A tiny little mouse! I'm pretty sure it has a family, too, though, and since mice breed like rabbits... Wait, you could just say that they breed like mice! Anyhow, they have a bunch of kids, so its family is probably massive. Mice are much cuter than rats, even though they carry just about the same amount of disgusting diseases, so I'm not letting this tiny little squeaker anywhere near me! Well, just somewhat close to my shoes, its cute enough...

Thankfully, I'm not in charge of pest control, because I could never get rid of such a cute little thing! I guess I could lift it up by its tail, and throw it outside, but then I'd feel guilty for seperating it from its family... Then again, these critters always seem to find their way back in. Unless a cat eats them! Which Tonka won't do, because she never hunts... anything other than her toys... It's weird!

────────────────────

Anyhow... I'm about halfway done with these uniforms. There's quite a lot of stains, mostly tea and coffee, some qishr... I'd prefer just mending them, but I guess I have to do this, too! Washing other folks' clothes is weird, because I don't like washing for folk I'm only acquaintances with, if it was my husband, then I'd enjoy it, and I'd also knew what scents they like, but now I'm kind of operating blindly so I scent these with a nice lotus aroma and I can only hope that nobody's allergic to that because I'm just trying to put in a little extra effort to show that I care and if someone yells at me or is a really passive aggressive bitch about it then I can't really take it at all and I'll probably throw some qishr at them and then I'll have to clean these again or I'll probably get fired actually but there's just so much that one guy can take I mean I work so hard and all I get is a handshake and "kind" words I hate both and especially the former the latter I can kind of take if it's about my appearance at least because it takes a lot of effort to crystalize this much of beauty into reality...

Oh, I also considered cleaning this place, but that seems like a hopeless effort! More dust materializes out of seemingly nowhere, immediately... I hope that there's no dust mephit around, I hate those things, and I hate dust in general, so dust mephits have no right to live! I knew a wizard who had one for a familiar, and that's just insane, because you're kind of just wasting a lot of money on feeding a nuisance that adds to your cleaning bills, because wizards are too lazy to clean up themselves, even with their magick, because all magick has to be destructive instead of utilitarian, apparently!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 27th, IY 7788

They fired me!

From my position on the War Council... All that work, and stress... Only to be fired! It's so embarassing! And what makes it even more embarassing, is that they immediately gave Domergue a seat... Domergue, of all people! Apparently she's more capable than me! If these people ask me anything at all in the future, I'm just going to walk away!

And then give them the bird when they're not looking! SCREW YOU!

It isn't the first time I've been fired... and certainly won't be the last... It isn't even the first politickal position I've been kicked out of! I was the secretary... for The Mayor! It was a really important position, working for The Mayor, but turns out that inviting a couple of guys into the office and having a little party isn't a good idea when it comes to important politickal positions... Especially when you're working for The Mayor!

I can't even remember his name, or if he was an actual mayor, but I remember calling him The Mayor, and that's that, even if he was some kind of mob boss and that was his nickname and I was involved in some clandestine business without knowing... because it was clandestine...

Clandestine makes me think of clams, probably because they're the most secretive of bivalves!