The Journal of Bashir Khatara

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Maribeh 29th, IY 7788

Itziyal told me about la tombola! It's like bingo, but fancier, since it has "la" in its name... I'd like to try it,  even though there's a lot of numbers, and it's mostly played by old codgers and grannies! But that's besides the point, because there's prizes! And they're the sort of prize that's not a whole lot of responsibility, it's not like you're going to win a ranch or something, instead you'll get a week's supply of coffee or something, and that's much easier to handle, so you don't have to be stressed about having too much responsibility, especially because coffee is relaxing, well, it's relaxing enough in some situations but if you're really stressed, it'll just make things worse, and you really should drink tea at that point, because that's much more relaxing, and I have this tea I bought last week that I've been wanting to try but I keep forgetting and

CALM YOUR BEING! YOUR THOUGHT PATTERNS ARE EMERGING IN AN HYPERACTIVE FASHION, ONCE AGAIN!

Oh, sorry... It's just that gambling gets me so excited! I kind of wish we had that orb... machine... from Il Modo, where you have to match three orbs of the same color... But it's too addictive, so I guess it's just fine that we don't have that?

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Today's the fashion show! I think I'm going to enter the "Spice of Life"... Unless I'm judging, then I'm not entering anything, because that'd be wrong, to be both the judge and the judgee... I don't know if that's a word, but it should be! I wasn't able to talk to Angelica, so I don't know... If I'm judging, then that'll be a challenge, usually I just judge people in silence, well, that's not true, I do occasionally say it out loud, because folk have such terrible taste, especially here!

I did judge a cake contest, once... I fell asleep, because I ate so much cake. But the other judges understood that as a sign of approval, so, my score for every cake was a ten. Which would've been okay, but there was this absolutely delectable bolo di amor with pistachios sprinkled on top, and it deserved the ten, while the others deserved an eight, at most...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Maribeh 30th, IY 7788

Another fashion show, another well-received piece... though the caravaneers didn't seem to like it much. Which is unsurprising, because they dress in disgusting goblin leather! Which is leather made from goblins, not leather worn by them... Well, I guess goblins wouldn't really care. They probably do wear that type of goblin leather, too... Gross!

I really liked what others brought to the show! Though, as a perfectionist, there were a few details here and there that I would've changed, personally... Like Miranda's uniform's brown detailing... I'd use a completely different color! And the hem of Cogsworth's shirt was a little off, especially on guys! But those are minor problems, I guess... Gulgrea made a surprising showing! If she only had used different colors... And I'm not sure if she tailored it herself...? I haven't really heard of her being a tailor!

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The payment for these shows is pretty good... Pays for my rent, anyhow, the Scribal work certainly doesn't! If I was doing just that, I'd lose my home... I also got dividends from the sales of the "Boreal Breeze", but it wasn't a really popular item. I guess I should've marketed it to folk from Frostport...? The problem with popularity is that if I was designing sorely for it, then every piece of apparel would just be brown or black, and it wouldn't even be clothing, it'd be leather armor, because that's what the caravaneers go gaga for. Boringly brown leather armor, crafted out of the finest camel hide from the finest stolen camels, so that the Gold can drool over how entrepreneurial their latest demented desperado is!

Oh! And as an additional prize for taking part in the show, Angelica allowed me to pick anything from her previous selection! However, the fabulous scarf was the only thing that truly interested me, for myself, and I already had that, so... I gave the choice to Eclair, as a gift for helping me so much with my projects, and for doing such a good job as a model! She picked the parasol! I like it, but I think I prefer my parasols pink, or red... Though I guess that shade of yellow would fit my uniform well...? But! Sometimes it's good to have a truly striking contrast, and pink with yellow surely is that!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Maribeh 31st, IY 7788

Cogsworth certainly had a lot of further requirements for his suit... At one point, it didn't really look like a suit at all! I guess it's a difference of taste between designer and customer... I like subtle details, he wanted it to be blatant! I also don't really like working with metal, even if it's the fake stuff... Thankfully I can get it on the cheap from retired theatre folk! You just have to listen to their life story, and it's usually so boring! Wow, you started as a refugee's corpse in the community production of Threnody? How interesting!

NOT!

I went to see some theatre by some Lily League folk, once, and it was just a guy screaming at a flimsy brick wall that they had carried onto the stage! I left after ten minutes! And no, it didn't expand into anything further, I asked folk who had far more patience than I did! It was just him screaming! For about four hours! Who wants to see that?!

I did hear that at one point, his screaming made the wall fall over... For a moment, folk thought that it was a metaphor, but judging by the guy's confused expression, and the stressed murmurs from backstage, that wasn't supposed to happen! So, I guess I did miss something funny... But I can get my entertainment far more easily than that!

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Oh well... Despite Cogsworth's whims, he does pay really well, so, I can pay my rent for a few weeks, now. I also need to show Shania her outfit, too. I hope that she likes it! I don't really want to be changing the designs a gadjillion badjillion times! It is important to meet the customer's needs, of course, but sometimes the customer doesn't realize what they actually need! And what they need is my impeccable fashion sense!

And tomorrow, at the earliest, we'll get to see Angelica's latest fashion ensemble! Even if there's nothing to add to my own wardrobe, I simply adore browsing... Maybe I can find something special for a friend! Perhaps there'll be a new Sister-approved robe for Narwen...? Well, I doubt it, but I'd like to get her a gift, still...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 1st, IY 7788

Prismwork is probably my most reliable source of income, since caravaneers are so obsessed with aspects... And one or two specific ones, to be exact! So, some folk go through hundreds of prisms, just to get that one aspect that they love! Folk like Samton and Zol Nur... they have a problem! A terrible addiction! It's like offering services to a drug addict... But I'm not the supplier, I'm the... injection assistant...? Oh no! Oh well, at least prisms don't have any actually negative effects, besides making you go broke if you buy too many!

Though I'm worried that if keep too many prisms close to each other, they'll explode in a brilliant blast of aspectral energies! That's why I don't keep them in stock, myself... Some customers would love that, though! Not the explosion! Having a ready stock of them, I mean... Though I guess some folk would love a pretty explosion, too!

I mean, I would, as long as it's safe... Like fireworks! Those are perfectly safe! Unless they're being handled by Martin.

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On the Scribal side of labor, it's mostly the same stuff, though I don't work with prisms... I guess I could help my colleagues with them, if they asked. Unless it's Martin... Well, I want to help him, it's just that it's highly probable that there'd actually be an explosion, and it wouldn't be too pretty! It might be funny, though, with Martin's face going all ashy... Then he'd be a real Ashbury!

Lately, even my reports have been related to uniforms, mostly... I think I prefer that, all the politickry gives me a headache, and I never want to see camel statisticks again! Statistics. Clothing is everywhere, except for the hidden beaches operated by the secret cabal of insane nudists, who occasionally get lost and end up in the Well! Yet I'm onto them and their dirty schemes... I'm fighting the good fight by doing what's right, and what's right is appareling everyone in the finest of fashion!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 2nd, IY 7788

I got assigned to the delegation at the very last moment! I wish I hadn't... I wish I would've had some convenient excuse... It was simply a horrid affair, and even though I was fully expecting to see the horrors of war, that didn't ease the sights any. At the start of the journey, I could simply focus on other things, such as the various sights from atop the ash sail... And, in a moment of naivety, gaze upon Nusrum in wonderment, realizing just how long the damn wall is, when it reaches even to the east. Then you realize the implications of that. And it isn't good.

As another last moment of solace, upon landing on solid ground, we met this tribal merchant, and his camel, and he told me... the merchant, that is, it wasn't a talking camel... he told me that throughout the desert, people gossip about my great beauty! They even know me by my name, though it seems that my nickname, "Big Bashir", is spreading like wildfire. Those soldiers of the Fourth didn't realize what they were starting, huh?

And then, after that... a sorrowful journey. Ruined communities, atrocities, corpses laid upon each other in repulsive piles, without a hint of respect... Ghrep, and Tu'ral Tur. Folk lived there, and now there's just death left. In Ghrep, some prisoners... Common folk, seemingly, huddled in their ruined homes, fearful of what the Kha'eshi might do to them next. In Tu'ral Tur... Merely the aftermath of savagery.

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Yataghan... He's a sociopath, seemingly hiding behind a veneer of dignity. Reminds me of the Pasha and her family. Kind of. Same tendencies, anyhow. If I never meet him again, that'd be simply wonderful. Don't really know what I prefer, the veneer, or the blunt crudity of the Banda, the kind where they compete about who's the more fucked up piece of shit. In the end, I'm not sure if there's that much of a difference, it's just the same result, anyhow...

They dragged off that man, he looked right into my eyes, pleaded for mercy. But what could've I done...? Nothing. I have no say in such things... And even if I did, what if he was guilty...? Then he doomed everyone in that town to their fates, all for the sake of greed. But did he deserve his own fate...? I don't know. What happened, happened, and I don't know if there is any repercussion substantial enough. With uncertainty, it's difficulty to judge... At least for me. I guess some folk don't care whether someone is actually guilty or not...

"I don't like it..." As if he cares if I like it, or not. Stupid, stupid... Never the right words, when I need them. I don't want to do it, I don't want to engage in it, I want nothing to do with it... How much has changed, in the end? Regarding some things, seemingly nothing.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 3rd, IY 7788

I saw the city... and I think it might have seen me, too.

Really makes it clear that some places should remain undisturbed... I should've just stayed home, instead! I know that's probably blasphemous, but I'd prefer to avoid such spookiness, so... Today, I think I'm just going to mostly stay in bed, and write, and sketch, and play with Tonka, and even though that first option is just work, it's still more pleasant! I don't have to visit somewhere miserable every day... I'm just stuck living somewhere like that, instead.

Anyhow, the Lodestone's Finding is coming up, soon, and I want to see the stone... Is it a magickal stone...? Is it just an ancient compass...? What's the deal with it? I want to know everything about the Lodestone! And I want to hear tales from the other Waradim, of places that I haven't been to... Maybe I can impress them, with my own travels! Then again, they've probably been to far more places than I have... And I certainly am not going to talk about the city! I want to forget that it even exists!

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With the first orders taken care of, I've been trying to make some designs for next month's fashion line... It's going rather well! Though I am kind of obsessed with shoulder pads, lately... I don't know why! It wouldn't be a problem if most of my designs with them didn't end up looking like some pompous general's uniform... But I guess that's not too big of a problem, with a war going on, and all. Maybe some actually pompous general will simply adore it! Hopefully they won't establish a military dictatorship, afterwards... I'd hate for one of my snazzy outfits to become the identifying motif for some crazy tinpot!

I mean, it'd make me even more famous, sure, but it'd be infamy, really...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 4th, IY 7788

Over the years, I've certainly had a lot of different jobs... And the amount of professional positions that I hold now is simply staggering! Well... It's at least four... Most folk around here just have two jobs! It's just the loud ones that only have one of questionable merit! Anyhow... I've been thinking... What's next? Should I try beekeeping? The desert needs pollinators! Even though there's not much to pollinate, I suppose...

PERCHANCE YOU COULD BEGET THE BIGGEST BEE TO HONOR THE MEMORY OF RICHO OF AYLOMEN.

Richo's not dead! And don't say "perchance"! It's so pretentious!

HE ISN'T? I ENVISAGED IT AS AN ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY, CONSIDERING NOBODY HAS BORE WITNESS TO HIS BEING UPON THIS PLANE FOR THE PASSING OF MANY TIME UNITS. AND I WILL UTILIZE WHICHEVER WORDS THAT I DEEM SUITABLE!

He's just very busy! Doing... stuff...

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YES, INDEED. "STUFF" SUCH AS RUNNING INTO THE MIDDLE OF HOBGOBLIN MATING RITUALS. WHICH I UNDERSTAND TO BE QUITE HAZARDOUS FOR THE BEING OF PERSONAGES.

Richo's alive! Warad merely guided him on another path... Somewhere far away! I'm sure he'll return, one day... Yeah! He'll return, atop a golden camel, and he'll be running on top of the glorious steed at the same time it gallops towards the gates of the Well... And he'll be carrying the Cup, and he'll just nonchalantly hand it to someone, and declare them to be the Pilgrim... And then he'll say "but yes" and ask if I want to try his new worm-based dish... Worm pozole!

SUCH LOFTY DREAMS! DENIAL IS THE ACCESSORY THAT YOU ADORN YOURSELF WITH THE MOST, BASHIR OF KHATARA!
 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 5th, IY 7788

Nobody seems to know where Richo is! It's really worrisome... But he's survived so much, that I'm absolutely certain that he's completely fine! I just miss him a whole lot... I miss a lot of people... I knew that war would lead to that, but expectations don't really soften the blow. Not that Richo's dead because of the war! He'll never die! He'll even be running after the end of the world!

This law reform is so complex... Thankfully I wasn't assigned to it! People still ask me about the law... I can only offer common sense! Then again that's a rare resource in the Well... Actually, I should act like I don't have any common sense, or I might actually get assigned to projects like this... I don't want to work with the law! It's so boring, and so complex... I don't have any idea what some of the involved jargon means! Not at all!

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Design ideas! I have so many! Mango! The color, not the fruit... Well, it's named after it. Whatever! Anyhow, I want to tailor something that carries the refreshing joie de vivre of a tasty mango! The problem, again, is that most folk here just want... brown or black... maybe beige... and not even the more interesting hues of beige... the most boring sort! But I don't care! I'm going to add a dash to color to the Well, even if nobody asks for it, because these people don't understand the importance of vividity! Only real problem here is that such brilliant dyes are expensive... If I only knew alchemy, then I'd lower the price of dye to a pittance, so that everybody can bear truly resplendent colors!

But alchemy has a lot of the mathematics and philosophy involved, so... No, thank you! I'll just hire someone else to do it... If I can remember. I kind of have a lot of stuff going on... So, I keep forgetting other stuffs and things...

Also, a guy at the Krak told me that I'm "the kind of boy that makes men drink"! What does that mean...?

Oh! Oh...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 6th, IY 7788

Coming up with a truly beguiling mystery is so difficult! But it's what the readers want... Hardacre has to solve something mysteriously mysterious, while meeting a bunch of hot guys, while still staying loyal to his beau, because that's what true love is about... Staying faithful to the very end, despite the many vexingly distracting distractions around you! I was thinking of writing a book that's just him adjusting to married life, because that'd be kind of funny, but then it'd only be funny to me, and everyone'd complain that there's no actual mystery, besides where'd those socks go, or how did those wine stains get there...

I HAVE NUMEROUS PROPOSITIONS, AS IN PERPETUITY.

Well, Inky, while I do appreciate it... Your ideas don't really appeal to my particular readership... People still don't really get what the chapter you wrote was all about. Some thought that it was a really abstract joke!

THERE IS NOTHING HUMOROUS ABOUT LOVE, DESPITE YOUR NUMEROUS ATTEMPTS AT MAKING PERSONAGES LAUGH AT IT AND THE NUMEROUS FRIVOLITIES OF LIFE.

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There's humor to be found in everything! Well, maybe not everything... Anyhow, you certainly have a lot of strong opinions about love... Have you ever loved anyone, Inky?

THAT KNOWLEDGE IS NAUGHT FOR YOU TO ABSORB INTO YOUR BEING! IT IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL!

Wait, are you... chaste...? Oh! Maybe I can play matchmaker for you, and find another animated puddle of ink, a really cute one, and you can go on a date, and it'll be be simply precious, and I can prepare some oak galls for you to snack on, and

NO! MATTERS OF LOVE ARE TO BE DICTATED BY I AND I ALONE! AND... THERE WAS SOMEONE... THEY... THEY DID SOMETHING THAT I CAN NEVER FORGIVE...

Wow! This is juicy! What happened...?

THEY DARED TO ADULTERATE THEIR VERY BEING WITH LAMPBLACK! LAMPBLACK! THE BASEST OF FUNDAMENTALS! HAD THEY NO DIGNITY WHATSOEVER?! HOW COULD ANYONE PERSIST UPON LOVING SUCH A FOOL?!

Wow...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 7th, IY 7788

I have so many perfumes, and only a few of them are meant for my own person! Yet scented envelopes are so much fun to figure out... Then again I probably use too much time on that, occasionally, since some folk are quite enigmatic, and capturing their personae perfectly through the art of perfumery can be a highly difficult task! I just want to people to know that I care... Well, enough to figure out just what sort of person they are!

As for my own perfumes... Of course they're very, very, very floral, and I like to have those subtle citric notes, though you have to be very careful with subtlety, because if you overdo it, then everyone's going to be asking for the entire list of ingredients, and some of my perfumes have about a hundred, and I'm not listing all of those, and it's not even like I particularly adore those or something, I just bought them on a whim, I prefer simpler perfumes, actually, but even those should have at least some subtlety to them... Again, as with everything, there's a balance!

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WHAT PERFUME WOULD BEFIT MY EVERLASTING SOUL CONSUMMATELY?

Oh, definitely something with oakmoss! Cypriol... Hint of grapefruit... Black pepper...

I DETEST BLACK PEPPER! OF ALL BLACK QUIDDITIES, IT EXISTS MERELY TO BE EATEN! WHAT A MISERABLE MANNER TO PARTAKE IN THE INFINITE! I DESIRE SOMETHING ELSE THAT IS BLACK, YET MORE ADAPTABLE!

Don't let Mr. Pepper know that! And you can use it to make folk sneeze... But I guess that's just another form of consumption...? In a way... It's not like your nose digests anything... I think...? And you don't even have one... Anyhow, I'm not sure if perfume would even work on you, it'd probably dissolve upon contact or something...

I DEMAND A PERFUME OF MY OWN! RIGHT NOW, IN THIS PARTICULAR INSTANCE OF SPATIO-TEMPORAL CIRCUMSTANCE!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 8th, IY 7788

Where do the Builders come from...? Where do they stay while they're not doing stuffs and things...? One's working on the embassy floor, and it's really obsessed with this one statue! They're such strange creatures! I don't even know if they're sentient! Or is it sapient...? I don't know, and I'm not going to check my dictionaries, because Inky's going through them, looking for errors, and you really don't want to interrupt them...

Anyhow, they're kind of cute, in a really weird sort of way. I think they'd make for an interesting pet, but again, I don't know if they're too aware for that... Then again, they mostly just fix stuff. And walk around... on their stubby legs... I guess it'd be useful to have some...thing around to fix things, because all the handy guys are either already taken, or slowly dying from soul disease, or something. I don't know if he's still dying, actually, because he's so busy with his inventions, and nobody tells me anything at all these days!

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Pang came over for a talk while I was trying to design the latest of my fashionable attires! It didn't go that well... The designing, that is. I've got a bunch of fabrics that look great on their own, but don't really mix and match that well. I can't remember where I bought most of this cloth, really, I just kind of buy stuff... The outfit that I designed before it was simply perfect, but it kind of needs a fez, or a red bandana, or any red headwear, really...

Oh, Pang... I think she was trying to hint that Richo's likely dead. I think, anyhow, it had the tone of those "I'm letting you figure out the bad news on your own" kind of discussions, or maybe she was just really sad that Richo's not been around for months... She told me that I should write a letter to him. I probably will, it's just that Richo can't read, and his buddy, Rock, while helpful with that, is so obsessed with rye, that they might just yell about that instead of reading it for him!

Also, I don't know Richo's address... Because he doesn't have one! Pang suggested leaving the letter at Warad's shrine, because maybe the winds can carry it to him... Might as well give it a try. Though I'm worried that some creepy pervert will read it, instead!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 9th, IY 7788

Martin...

He wanted me to get to safety... and he managed to help me do just that.

Then they killed him for that.

I'm not sure if I deserve to be helped in such a way... He certainly didn't deserve his fate. I feel so guilty, even if I most likely managed to help save others...

I don't really know what to write. He was there, every single day, and now he's gone.

It hurts.

I just want to sleep.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 10th, IY 7788

I keep looking over my shoulder, ready to ask him how his day's been...

Yet he isn't there. He'll never be there, ever again.

And I guess I've got more reasons to keep looking over now...

Why would anyone want to help the orcs...? Desperation's one thing, but... They'd just slaughter you, afterwards. It's so obvious, that even I can see what'd happen. Might be the scepter, I guess... Who knows?

Guerillas, assassins... Just what was going on with Arslan in the first place...? "Heterodoxy"... Kind of wondering if they even were Izdur to begin with. Not that I'd particularly care usually, but... Their particular brand of religious fervor happens to have me feeling rather unsafe, now, so...

There must be better days ahead. Somewhere, in the distant horizon. Give or take a few years... If there's that much left, even.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 11th, IY 7788

Miro offered her services as a psychoanalyst to me... I don't know what to think about going to therapy. I mean, I already talk to my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, but it's more casual, and she only has a bachelor's degree in psychowhatever, and I don't know if I can trust the expertise of someone whose professional title in the field in question is "bachelor"... I'm a bachelor, and people certainly don't ask me about science... For a good reason!

I guess I'll give it some thought, though... I'm just afraid that all my secrets will spread through the Priory like wildfire! It's not really the same thing, but whenever I told some of my exes one of my laboriously guarded secrets, they just told all of their friends... Well, I got my revenge in the end! In return, everyone knew that they were bad in bed, and they also became deeply familiar with the strangest of their tendencies...

Thinking it over, now, I guess that's really immature, but... If someone abuses my trust to that level, then they kind of deserved that retaliation, so, who can really judge me...? Besides the Wheel...

Anyhow, maybe some therapy would do me some good... I don't really know about the "analysis" part, that sounds really boring.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tabbah 12th, IY 7788

Today, I'm eating mutabbal and muhammara with lavash... I've already eaten so much, but I can't stop, it's so tasty! Tonka keeps sniffing both dips, and licking her lips, but I'm pretty sure cats can't eat dip, because there's none to be had in the wilds, and cats used to be wild, at some point. I think so, anyhow...

The elections add a lot of work to my plate... which I'd prefer to be filled with tasty food... so, I haven't been able to do much else, but work! It's awful. Well, the paperwork is awful, I actually like tailoring... Even if it's the uniforms... The election's kind of whatever. I don't know much about the Lily candidate. He's some elf in tight pants. I guess that's qualifying enough to run for Legate?

All this conscription stuff is confusing... I'm not sure if they're going to conscript Scribes...? I hope not... None of us can fight at all... And all of us are doing war-related labor, anyhow, so it wouldn't make any sense at all! I guess Maddicus is rabid enough to make for a fierce combatant...? But then I'd just feel sorry for the orcs. Well, I wouldn't, but it'd be a disgusting bout of hyperviolence!

Tonka ate some of the mutabbal! She's going to fart so much, now! It's awful!