Star Witch Estellise's Diary of Hopes and Dreams

[cmenden]

Tammuz 9th, IY 7788

Qari wishes a fresh start. I have cautiously agreed to such, but I will be ever-mindful of the possibility of betrayal. If he thinks this will trip me up, he will be sorely mistaken.

The Torchbearers seem open to my proposed arrangement. I am hopeful that we can resume descents shortly. I will finish what I started down there.

I have been able to keep myself adequately distracted, for the most part.

It would be easier if you had not sent Selsi away on some errand right when I most need the diversion she would present.

Or perhaps you sent her away to keep things fair... I don't imagine I would be able to engage your finest piece at my best, admittedly.

And what of "Margarethe"? Did you expect her arrival? Have you made plans to counter this most unexpected of moves?

It's okay to admit that you did not. I will not think any less of you.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 20th, IY 7788

I find it difficult to think about anything except the "lost time" earlier.

I cannot imagine what I could have done, how I acted or behaved, or worse yet, what was said. If I embarrassed myself, then I apologize.

It was pleasant to get to speak to you, admittedly. I was concerned that you were far too busy with all your new charges to make any time for such.

To that point, it is clear to me now that this new surge of Acolytes, including the early arrival of Sister Jamei in this cycle, is your countermove.

To have Selsi and Jamei operating concurrently within the cycle will mean having to tread ground perilously close to that which has seen my predecessors defeated, but so be it.

My next move is locked in. Even if you can see it, countering it should be an impossibility at this stage.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 23rd, IY 7788

I made a mistake.

I let myself forget that the Janissaries possess no souls.

I'm normally better than this but they used Cosine against me, and I'm still not over his death.

He died for them yet they would destroy his memory and everything he cared about for what? A pat on the back from a superior? An appearance from whatever djinn is pretending to be The Wroth that day?

But I knew all this. I shouldn't have allowed them to trick me so.

Other than Master Oro, sometimes I feel like you're the only person in the Well who cares about my fate.

I can't die like this. If it came to it, you would save me? Right?

No, I imagine at the moment, it would be preferable to just let it happen, to let me reap what I have sown.

I need to pull myself together.

This isn't like me.

I can't let despair or fear cloud my mind.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 26th, IY 7788

Today is the day that Alejandro died, a Key Event that only occurs when Legate Balstan takes power in Year 1.

This was the move I spoke of. I hope you are suitably impressed.

Even though I think he is a wretch, his election was necessary to capture an important piece from your side of the board.

Still, I feel some guilt. Not for the man Alejandro became, but for the man he was. He saved my life once. If he had stayed that man, I would have seen Nasreen to the Legate Seat and the Prince expelled.

The burden of a Witch of Fate and Time is a heavy one.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 28th, IY 7788

It's her. How long have you known?

Wait. That's a foolish question. Obviously, this is entirely your doing.

The vast Gulf of separation that exists between the current me and the first me makes it only natural I wouldn't recognize her reborn into this world as a Witch of Darkness.

Still, I felt the connection from the start, and it unnerved me. So I allowed others to deal with her.

Could there be any other explanation?

She was unmade by the Demon King, so how is any of this possible?

Was it her in past cycles or is this new to this one? The book never gave specific attention to her, so I didn't know. They would surely have warned me.

Only "Margarethe" warned me, but she would know what I know, not limited to the knowledge of those who have failed in the past.

What am I supposed to do now? I can't destroy her without risking a violation of the Covenant. But, I can't let her destroy me either. Would she even be able to? What is her own Covenant?

I will need to consider well my next move.

She is more than just a piece after all.

[cmenden]

Maribeh 4th, IY 7788

I couldn't find Mae, which was extremely irritating. Does she truly not care about her own future?

By refusing to speak at Kardesler, she has reduced her esteem and increased her irrelevance in Ephia's Well.

How will she ever attain Zenithar at this rate?

I'm calmer now, which is good. My initial instincts were to act somewhat rashly and likely that would have made Mae extremely displeased with me.

Fortunately, Margarethe stopped me before I made it to the bellows, and I was able to get over my initial surge of anger.

In truth, I need to focus less on these matters and more on my research. I've acquired many pages of notes on the Acolytes now and can update my notes accordingly.

They're all rather intriguing to me. They are extremely rough material. Do you plan to ensure they all are polished to perfection, or do you expect that some will fail Discernment?

Your piece moves differently than before. Her movements are more dangerous to me, but my defensive barriers still hold strong.

Did you tell her my favorite animal or did she truly guess in 4 tries?

[cmenden]

Maribeh 7th, IY 7788

It pains me to doubt Hypatia.

This is what the Witch of Utterdark meant, however, when she said that a Witch who gets too attached to a single life, a single piece, will die.

I'm well aware that such attachments have led to my countless deaths in previous cycles.

But I'm not ready to give up on my attachments yet. I like Hypatia. I like Mae. I like Naelin. I like Aubrey. And many more besides.

In a way, it's not about her... it's about myself. I feel as if I have reached the point where if I believe the theory that Hypatia is entirely false, if I believe that she holds no love for me or even for Mae, then I will have given up a significant part of me.

Even if I win the game after having given up so much, was it even "me" who won the game? Or was it someone entirely different? Was the game won by a hollow existence that wears my face and speaks with my voice, one who has given up everything for a victory she can't even enjoy?

I will believe that Hypatia is still Hypatia, until too much evidence has been accumulated to argue otherwise to myself, and I am cornered with the realization that she is no longer Hypatia.

But only then.

[cmenden]

Selsi, sorceress, her beauty a spell
Enchantments weave, her allure to compel
Yet hidden deep down, where shadows do creep
A witch's touch, crushing minds with a sweep

Her expressions shift, sudden and bold
Donning human guise, a creature untold
Dancing darkness, appears as a woman
Memories lost, in the void they summon

Amid a game, secrets to unveil
Guessing my favorites, without a fail
Her braids intertwine, a work of art
Reveals a bond, connecting the heart

[cmenden]

Tabbah 14th, IY 7788

Ugh. I think I went too far. She knows it's just a game, but her face didn't reflect that.

I grew too bold and kept saying the wrong thing.

The poison statement was for Aubrey's benefit. It didn't mean anything, but my stomach twists as I recall it and the look on her face. I do not enjoy feeling guilty.

Maybe I should apologize, but I detest apologizing.

[cmenden]

Tabbah 20th, IY 7788

I apologized, which is good and made me feel a lot better.

Additionally, the plan is proceeding apace and I have the full support of my Master and the others.

I think I am overdue for relaxation and some writing. The amount of information I have acquired the past two months for my Thesis has been staggering and it will be important to organize the details properly.

Your piece overextended your entire order with these latest moves. I truly must think of a way to properly thank her. Perhaps some falafels from my favorite eatery.

[cmenden]

Illul 20th, IY 7788

I comforted myself that the death of my Apprentice was not in vain, nor would he go alone.

My calculations were erroneous, however.

The death toll minimal. The battle, less than half as dangerous as anticipated.

Victory was never anything other than a sure thing, and Zain's second (or third?) death was in vain.

My first instinct is to see all involved in the matter destroyed utterly.

I know it is not rational. He perished in truth while I was away from the Well. I'm as angry at myself as the rest of them, possibly angrier.

We will see if wine and rest clear my mind of such morbid thoughts.

[cmenden]

Qdim 23rd, IY 7788

I feel more relaxed than I have in some time.

Margarethe complains that I am being indolent, but she is incorrect.

I am merely reaping the harvest of six months of tireless labor. Through my machinations, I have secured control of the Pyramid, control that will only grow further as soon as the election is called.

Additionally, I have wholly averted the rise of Sisters Jamei and Zoe in this worldline, removing two extreme existential threats that would prevent me from accomplishing my goals.

Why should I not enjoy this wine and this rest? Why should I not enjoy some time with Hypatia and my dolls?

Surely, she is just jealous that I am accomplishing so much more than she likely did on her own.

[cmenden]

Her eyes gleam with joy and laughter,
Mine reflect only tears and sorrow.
She has love, while I am the martyr,
Endlessly struggling for a better tomorrow.

Tesrin Hray 9th, IY 7788

I am beginning to feel the burning sting of acid dissolving flesh.

I do not think I could have anticipated her arrival nor did I anticipate how well she would utilize the conditions I had established to destroy my enemies.

She is not the Witch of Fate and Time. She is the Witch of the Pool.

She despises both of my preferred orders and stands independently. She is beloved by all despite her professed pragmatism and desire to stop at nothing to see her goals achieved. She navigates the apathetic greed of Ephia's Well as an eel navigates the sea.

It is extremely vexing.

Ideally, my ploy with the Dog Nadiri worked and he forced their hand. Jamei's temper is a constant that can be counted upon, yet I must do so warily lest I perish as others have before me. If the Priory does not vote Gold, it will see them reclaim ground I had hoped they were unable to regain.

I will continue to endure, however. Even the presence of the Witch of the Pool will not stop me from attending to my research.

I may need to drain this pool and attempt a different approach. I am not so arrogant as to believe I can outlast her of all people.

[cmenden]

Tesrin Hray 16th, IY 7788

I fail to see the appeal that Aeronwy holds for my counterpart.

I mean, obviously she has a muscular build well-suited to a Knight, an intriguing speech pattern, is properly deferential to Witches, and bears a passing resemblance to my Knight of Light in past cycles.

However, these are all appealing only at the surface level, and a Witch's heart is as deep as the eternal void.

Much as with Lynneth, her heart is fickle and she is easily confused and manipulated by others.

Yet none more than "Fiordelise".

It is a wretched thing to capitalize upon such knowledge and temporal connections to affect another's Knight.

Fortunately, I have taken steps to ensure that Kythie is immune to such.

In fact that is a rather significant advantage of the Kythie Path.

She is loyal to me above all other mes.

The Manifold Hers have killed numerous Estellises, after all.

Therein also lay the risk, of course, but I am ever fond of gambling.

[cmenden]

Kanon Hray 16th, IY 7788

It is clear to me now that my future self is akin to a ceramic object that has been shattered and painstakingly reconstructed. She is damaged and it causes her to hesitate where I would not.

That you would allow me to be treated so, despite our past connection, is highly disturbing. No, that's not fair. Perhaps, you are the reason she is

My lack of hesitation has the obvious advantage of making me highly successful, especially lately, but it has also drawn the attention of the Witch of Nightmares and Shadows.

Obviously, this is not something I wish to deal with now that "Haoma" has entered the field of play.

Did you believe for a second that I burned my Thesis? Obviously not. Perhaps one of your pieces was fooled for a time, but based on their actions of late, that also appears unlikely.

It was a crude gambit, perhaps, but it was not wholly untruthful. Perhaps on some level, I wished to vent my frustrations. I do find that your pieces grow less elegant and more brutish with each subsequent iteration. And I miss Hypatia dearly.

Perhaps such inelegance is needed for this next phase of your plans, but I'm hardly going to pretend to enjoy such. I am a pacifist after all.