Amazing Quotes

[Garem]

I love quotes. They're easy and quick bits of wisdom or humor, sometimes even both with a lovely bit of satire. Bad quotes are ones that require significant explanation beyond the time, place, or short description of the author, so don't put those here. Aside from that, bring out your own favorite quote or two with the topic of it (government, friends, joke, etc.) for everyone to enjoy.

Inspired by Wern8's current signature.

Government:

I believe in political equality. But there are two opposite reasons for being a democrat. You may think all men so good that they deserve a share in the government of the commonwealth, and so wise that the commonwealth needs their advice. That is, in my opinion, the false, romantic doctrine of democracy. On the other hand, you may believe fallen men to be so wicked that not one of them can be trusted with any irresponsible power over his fellows.

-C.S. Lewis
20th Century ex-Atheist turned theologian, also a professor, author, etc.

General Quote:

We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.

-C.S. Lewis

[Daemonic Daz]

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest

[Talir]

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
- An English Professor, Ohio University

The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.
- Terry Pratchett; Sorcery

We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.
- John M. Ford

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!
- Rodney Dangerfield

[Random_White_Guy]

Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.

Hermann Göring, in his jail cell during the Nuremberg trials, 18th of April 1946

always be comic in a tragedy. What the deuce else can you do?

Gabriel Syme, The Man who was Thursday

Murderers, rapists, drug dealers, car thieves, pedophiles, hookers, pimps, and they're arresting me for Dick jokes. I fucking love this country man. I love it.

Lenny Bruce

[Egon the Monkey]

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

[Snoteye]

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
- H.L. Mencken

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H.L. Mencken

[Thomas_Not_very_wise]

A cynic is someone who looks for an honest man with a stolen Lateran.

From the Devil's Dictionary.

[Random_White_Guy]

Fuck You

Dick Cheney

[IxTheSpeedy]

This was my signature for a while.

"The older I get the more I admire and crave competence, just simple competence, in any field from adultery to zoology."

-Alistair Cooke

[dragonfire9000]

And this was MY signature until two hours ago.

"Rommel you magnicifcent bastard, I read your book!"

~Four-star General George Smith Patton after defeating Wermacht General Rommel by reading the book he wrote on infantry tactics

"A good novel shows us the truth of ourselves. A bad one shows us the truth of the author."

~G. K. Chesterton

[Lansert]

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.

- Jane Austen

[derfo]

d a n   e a t s   s h i t

[Luke Danger]

"Even in the darkest of times, there is always hope. But sometimes fear clouds our vision. Sometimes our strength gives out. And yet sometimes, when all seems lost, a light shines through the darkness, and we are reminded that even the smallest ammount of courage can turn the tides of war."

Line used by Ignitus in the opening of The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon

(he was quite right if you ask me, it can)

[9lives]

WHAT CAN CHANGE THE NATURE OF A MAN

[The Crimson Magician]

If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.

-Paul Joseph Goebbels