EFU In-Game/IRC Quotes

[Mr Howardson]

Bwahahahaha

[The Old Hack]

In fact there was a time where the doc, and this chick were hitting it off then she said something profoundly stupid. That "all these signs in LA were in Mexican" Rather then ignore that off color profoundly stupid comment, and get laid.........The doc decided to "Keep it real"

Earlier:

Does anyone keep track of Belgian politics?
Yea
They used to be part of the Soviet Union
They arent any more

[xxWhisperingWindsxx]

>_>
<_<

[Pool]

[Equinox]

Vlaid|Concepting: I see my mom like once every 3-4 months because she lives kinda far away. yet everytime I see her I think I need to buy new condoms, just in-case.

[KingHovCopy]

<+Mistlocke> ::( City Sending by Arnold Howardson : Hey, found a queer tunnel in withered lands. Asking folks to come and look into it with me! This is Arnold Howardson, Vote for the Bullbreaker! )::

<+Mistlocke> ::( City Sending by Xander Abriya : House Aberdenn: A Vote for Bullbreaker is a vote to fill queer withered tunnels. )::

[Jagged]

02:06   Jagged   !seen BigOrcMan
02:06      --- Jagged is back
02:06   Mistlocke   Jagged, I last saw BigOrcMan 1 days 14 hours 1 min 6 sec ago saying in a channel: sternhund sucks.
02:07   Jagged|Droid   Oh... Burn...
02:07   Jagged|Droid   Burn from one day ago Sternhund.
02:09   Sternhund   oh wow
02:16   Sephar   there sits a time capsule placed by BOM... and within this capsule, sits 50mcg of burn.
02:16      *** Sephar left #Efu cameron_al@101.98.vjh.xpq
02:19   Jagged   lol

[The Old Hack]

Evil Fishman Boss: I hear you all there. Tromping about like tuna for the slaughter.

Lucita: What, what, do tuna tromp, I thought they swam. Still, this fish man is the expert so I shall allow him the fact, tuna do indeed tromp about on their little feet.

DM Jayde Moon: [Tell] Tuna will tromp on you.

[Kotenku]

On November 21, 2012, some rookie DM got a gleam in her eye and devised an event that would make many people very deeply ashamed of themselves. The events were so startling that none involved could be cajoled, coerced, or otherwise convinced to unveil the mysteries of what went on that dark evening.

Speculators suggest that the involved parties swore a bloody oath of silence, never to be broken.

The truth of what occurred that evening was thus never known until now.

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Welcome, welcome!
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] I am Gustavo Fleverhaven and I shall be hosting this exciting and heartbreaking event.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] It is completely free, yet... Only one pair can prove victorious. Although [smiles widely] I am sure you will all be rich of fond memories after this... Memories to last a lifetime.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] I am somewhat displeased of so few of the beatiful ones here, present [looks over Faye and Grima] However...
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Perhaps we can manage... Perhaps... It would be pleasing to me to witness at least three pairs, yes!
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Ah... So so! [taps his ruby red, full lips gently with his index finger] To partake, you must find a pair of the opposite gender.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Failing to do so... [shrugs slightly] You may choose one of your own! Yes, yes! That is quite alright, as well.

With only two women present, the gathered competitors began pairing off. Competition began to heat up quite quickly. Note that there was no indication as to the sordid nature of the contest to come. Oh my, no, the blackness had not fallen on us yet. Nor was everyone impressed by the very nature of the thing.

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Hrm.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Couples? Who must Scrave carry to victory?

[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Broland. We a pair, righ'?
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] What's he talkin' about? Fightin'?

Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [leans over toward Pinch] You are bright like many birds. Will you pair with Scrave, then?
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] You are a curious creature.
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] However -
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] I do believe the lovely Bearded Lady Grima is present.
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Come hither, Grima.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Bah! If you will not pair with Scrave, then Scrave will pair with your intended partner!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Hideous dwarf, come pair with Scrave!
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Do not think to steal away my Bearded Lady, sir! She is a member of my most excellent Circus.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Yes, well, Scrave is Scrave, and exceptional in every way.
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Come Grima!
 [Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] I gotss men fighting over me.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Yes... well. Scrave, let us not fight today unless we must. Please find yourself a pair from one of these fine gentlemen!

[RotGut] Thomas Acorn: [Talk] I don't think Jacqueline would much appreciate me "pairing up" with another man if this is going where I think this is going

Perhaps the only man of wisdom in the room, Thomas Acorn was, perhaps appropriately, the only soul to escape untarnished from the diabolical events which would follow.

Another had luck similarly poor to Scrave's.

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Would you do me the honor? *he offers a hand to Faye*
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Hey, nah-uh.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] She's with me, pal.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Already asked Broland, birk. 'e's cuter.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Ah! Pipped to the post again.

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He grins.] Hear that, Reinhart? Sounds like we're partners.

Meanwhile, time was running out.

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Yes, pairs! Enter the ring.

Scrave entered alone, but would not remain so for very long. The poor, doomed fools.

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] The first to join Scrave here is Scrave's partner.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] See now how I am left abandoned and destitute. There is only one thing for it -
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he puts an arm around Scrave's waist, smiling*

Thus gathered then were four pairs:
Faye Kendt and Gynauld Broland, of the Shrouded Legion,
Archiboddy Pinch and Grima Nurin, of the Extraordinary circus,
Davus Halter and Reinhart Zigers, of the Crimson Blade mercenaries,
and Vittorio Ambrosi and SCRAVE, two men who cared only for victory.

There was banter.

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [eyes Vittorio crookedly]
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [reaches back around Vittorio, and pulls him closer]
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Alrigh' this be gettin' weird now.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [flies from his mallet frequently butt up and land near Vittorio's ears and mouth]
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Now, now! Not so close so soon. I am not that sort of girl, you know.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Or any kind of girl at all

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Very good!
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Come, come all! Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Very well then. A winner will surely receive a grand price, however... Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Let me first go through the rules, briefly.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Your task is to impress myself - and the audience- [he grestures widely towards the spectators, with his open palm] that you are the most passionate pair.  
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Touching... Gentle... Warm.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] You will show the true colour of your heart here.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] You will have each, a while to prepare such a performance where the pair expresses their profound love to each other.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] The one whose love story is the most passionate shall... Be victorious.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Begin to plan your show! You do not have long, for your performance must truly come from the bottom of your heart!  

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Hm.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he looks to Vittorio]
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] You are going to be very uncomfortable.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Scrave does not care.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Because he is a winner.
[Bearic] Ulysses Smogson: [Talk] You tell 'em rockman
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] I am not accustom to loss myself either, signore Scrave.

[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *Peers down upon the bloated, bearded lady-dwarf*
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] *grins her wide crooked smile, her yellowed teeth gleaming in the light of the brazier*

[RotGut] Thomas Acorn: [Talk] I think i'm going to have to give this one to Faye and Broland, at least they have the right bits for each other
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Prepare to be utterly proven wrong, tiny creature!

Immediately out of the gate, the Legionnaires claimed readiness, and so the first performance. Perhaps they believed they could take an early advantage by blitzing the stage. It remains to be seen whether their strategy bore fruit (although one way or another, it certainly should have.)

While they set to performing a meandering and lukewarm display of violence and avoidant face-mashing, two contestants took the time to get acquainted and make their plans.

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  What is your name again?
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  I am Scrave, who are you?
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Your lifelong love, apparently!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  You may need to eat one of Scrave's bugs.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  No. I do not think so.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Very well. Do you have a plan?
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  I rarely do
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Then Scrave will undress you.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Again. No.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he frowns]
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  that is lust, not love!
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  This must come from the heart, not the loins
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Then Scrave will kill you in a passionate rage. Yes?
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  We are getting closer I think.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Hm.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Perhaps ...
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Perhaps you will profess your undying love for I, and I shall scorn you for another. And in your passion, you will strike me down
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  A true showing of unrequited love
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Hm.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] HRMMM...
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Yes. Ours shall be a tragic tale of love unreturned.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Very well.  
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Of course, do not 'actually' slay me.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Ah! Okay.

Meanwhile, as the Legionnaires' performance began in earnest:

[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [Takes his position, the zulkir loosely dangling from the hand that holds it]
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Faye, for you I shall sheath my blade, as my back feels ever safe when it is pressed against yours in the most deadly of storms.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [The ring of steel echoes through the crowded room as the soldier sheaths his sword]
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Don' be fuckin' daft, one o' them mist ogres or fucked Wither birks migh' stab ya.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Get that sword back out, ye' ninny.
[Bearic] Ulysses Smogson: [Talk] *barks a laugh*
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Shut it, girl. You're ruinin' my part here.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [He ushers]
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] *Faye sighs.*
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Ye' so dreamy.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] D'you see bloody ogres? We're just performin'.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I know!
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Did you hear about how I SMACK H'BALA ON HER ASS?
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] I was there!
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] I FUCKIN' SAW IT.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [Puts his fists at his waists, turning] [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] And don'tcha just love me for it?
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Eh. [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] 'Cause I'm a bloody HERO!
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] I guess. [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Alright.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Now let's kiss.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Do we 'ave to? [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [Removes his helm, itching at his eye]
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Only if y'want to.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Jus' slap me onna arse or somethin'.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [Rubs against his eyepatch]
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Why not both?
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I doubt them others will be kissin'. [Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] You are very much mistaken.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Don' get yer 'opes up.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] It'll give us an advantage, yeah?
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] I dunno, that Scrave birk seem proper inna 'is mate there. [Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Scrave will do many things to win.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Who would kiss some freak with flies whirling around him?
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Oh, Scrave! It's your sense of humor that made me fall for you. Now I see it.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Competition is his very nature. And do you know what makes Scrave very angry? [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Come on. Now take that helm off.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Opponents who do not GIVE IT THEIR ALL.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] 'ow 'bout we jus' fight Scrave's team to prove we be lovin' each other more.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I don't think it works like that.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Well, clearly ye' never been to many brothels.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] There ain't no brothels here.
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He cups his hands to his mouth.] Give him a kiss!
[Bearic] Ulysses Smogson: [Talk] Fight 'er for a kiss, or something, mate!
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Why else would I standing here now?
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Hey, that works.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] How about a wager, eh?
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Alrigh'.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I win, we gotta kiss.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [looks to Gustavo] Have they lost yet?
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] You win -...
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I dunno... What do you want?
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] A prize. arranged!
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I'll give a ring.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] How's that?
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Mhmm... [taps his lips gently] I am quite sure a kiss would crown this quite... Quite elaborate performance that, sadly depicts the usual Mistlockian marriage.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Ugh, fine. But only fer a second, yer all Withered.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Four hours of begging and ten seconds of...
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] What is this, anyway?
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] That I shall completely leave on the decision of the artists!
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Oh come let's just get to it!

Then they started fighting.

You'll notice there's actually quite a lot of side conversation. All the time. Imagine that Ulysses Smogson interjected every thirty seconds with either a laugh, a belch, or a drunken witticism absolutely irrespective of the context, and you will have missed absolutely nothing by its removal from (most of) these logs.

[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] [Winded]
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [Huffs]
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] Looks like he getss hiss kisss.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Wash that mouth off 'fore y'kiss me.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Tsk... Tsk. [shakes his head slowly] That is no way to treat a lady, I am afraid.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I don't feel like eatin' sand.
Mist's End Patron: [Talk] MAKE OUT ALREADY!
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] But given that she is quite... quite tough on her own, I do not immediately disqualify you, I shall leave that to the hands of the audience.
Mist's End Patron: [Talk] THIS FOREPLAY IS KILLIN' ME!
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] That's the spirit!

In all, they never actually kissed during their performance. This is due, partly, to Faye Kendt's client crashing mid-way through the duel, and moreover due to a vastly superior performance following shortly afterward.

[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] The Amazing Circus is ready to demonstate its winning competition entry, Mr. Fleverhaven.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Please, make way for the next pair. You may applaude now!
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *bows Grima into the stage*
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [claps his hand once, eyeing Broland with a slight hostility, but then turns to view the next pair with a wide smile] Very well! Good!
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] *waggles over, under her extreme girth, scratching her ample... fat-rolls*
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Please allow me to introduce Grima the Glutton....
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] And our passionate admirer of the female form, noted singer Mr. Warts.

At this point, Archiboddy Pinch transformed into a Troll. It gets worse.

[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *Begins to drool and slobber all over Grima*
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *and begins to... SING*
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] GRIMA OH GRIMA
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] FOR MANY A YEAR
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] I HAVE SOUGHT YOU MY DEAR
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] *laps it up with great eagerness, hugging his long leg*
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] A LADY OF BEARD
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] CONSIDERED A SIGHT MOST WEIRD
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] TO YOU I SHALL BE TRUE
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] EVEN IF AT TIMES I MAKE YOU BLUE
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] BECAUSE I LIKE YOU FAT
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] LIKE A BIG WOBBLY RAT
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] IN MY CIRCUS I NEED MANY FREAKS
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] AND TO THEM I SHALL FEED MANY LEEKS
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] DAZZLE AND ENJOY THE AUDIENCE'S SMILE
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] *nibbles gently on his many many warts*  
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] FOR YOU'LL BE WITH US FOR QUITE A WHILE!
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] OH GRIMA OH GRIMA
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] YOU MAY BE A GLUTTON
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] BUT TO ME YOU ARE AS CUTE AS A BUTTON!
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *Finishes, and bows, offering her another wart to nibble upon*
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] *opens her mouth wide, eyes closed... as she bites the wart clean off*
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *Tenderly strokes the beard hair with a warty hand, drools upon her head, bows a final time and returns to his former form*
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] I lovess that like a maggot tickling my inssidess.
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Thank you for your attention, ladies and gentlemen.
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] *is covered in troll slober and loving it*
Mist's End Patron: [Talk] Alright, I lost my appetite. I'ma outta 'ere
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Mhmm. [nods slightly] Quite... quite interesting. The separated love of a dwarven lady and troll gentleman. Very impressive.

Vittorio nearly lost his nerve:

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Oh my. I think we are going to lose
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  NO.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  This is a difficult act to compete with! He's a TROLL!
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Who is in love. It's...inspirational

And something happened with the legionnaires after all.

[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Ugh, I blacked out. Did 'e kiss me? [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I didn't. [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I wouldn't want you to miss it. [Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Why, so I can act appropriately unimpressed? [EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Hey, girl, a wager is a wager.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] *She grimaces.* [Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Ye', ye'.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [Brings a hand up to try and hold her by the neck and kiss her]
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] *She pushes away his hand and scoots up on her toes to peck him on the lips.*
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Hey -
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] You didn't let me get my kissin' skills goin'.

Moving.

Moving on, I mean.

HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] I...
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] I suppose we are next!
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [nods at Vitorrio] Please!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Scrave will have silence for his moving and passionate performance.

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he begins in a rumbling baritone] Vittorio. Vittorio!  Scrave has travelled many leagues to find you here.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *smiles softly, tilting his head in anticipation*
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] He has battled countless foes. Conquered nations, slain mighty beasts, and crossed an ocean, to find you here!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] He is a man of stone, and such things do not come easily to him. His heart is cold, but near you it is warm!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Come to me, Vittorio. I am Scrave, I need you.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Vittorio, you are here, before me, and you smile, but say nothing.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Will you not answer me? Answer me!
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *puts a hand to his own heart, sniffling quietly as he approaches only a little* Scrave! Dear Scrave! My champion of granite, whos heart is not of stone.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Answer Scrave! I love you, come, speak, answer!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he spreads his arms, and draws closer]
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] These three little words I know you wish to hear of me! That seem to little, but which I know will bring you joy -
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he stares, unblinking, standing seven feet tall, at Vitorrio]  

[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Damn.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I so wish I had some rotten fruit right now...

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he turns quite abruptly* Words which I cannot give! For they are, and always have been, for another!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] What?

[Bearic] Ulysses Smogson: [Talk] *his face twists for a moment before vomiting to the side*

[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] *wrings troll droll out of her hair into her hand... which she laps up*
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] I love you, my sweet! My dear! My muse!
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he strides towards Grima quite suddenly*

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] You would deny Scrave?  

[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] ... Me?
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] What tassty do you offer me for lovess?

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Your novel odours. Your wonderous yellow teeth! My heart belongs to you, and no other -
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he stares, shocked, and appalled, and produces a massive boulder from a bag]
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] How can this be!

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Scrave would do anything, and you betray him! You could have the mightiest warrior of the world!

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *kneels, he takes Grimar's chin in his hands* I forsake all others, if you would only say the same!
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he glances over his shoulder, all but ignoring Scrave otherwise*
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] *throws a huge boulder!*

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he throws the boulder at Vittorio]

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he stumbles as a massive boulder is apparently thrown at him*
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Wha-
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] How! How could you do this to Scrave!

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he clambers over the boulder, on top of it, and over, onto the prone Vitorrio]

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] I am sorry, dear Scrave! But my heart is not for you. My love for another. My feelings, far away from your cold embrace!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] How can you do this!? Scrave's heart, no, it is not stone! indeed! [Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] It is glass!

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he puts a hand to his heart as Scrave collapses, uttering out a few choice sniffles*

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Oh Scrave, dear Scrave -
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he lets out a deep, sonorous bellow of emotional agony]
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [the very floor shakes]

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] At last I see, the depth of your love! The swell in your bosom, and the ernestness of your devotion!
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he stoops to the sobbing stone man*

Mist's End Patron: [Talk] I was hopin' Scrave would beat the shit outta 'im then kiss 'im on the nose all sweetly, but I guess throwin' a boulder an' cryin' about it is good too.

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] I see now, how wrong I was! To be taken by lust for the fair bearded maiden. When all along -
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Was love unending right before me!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he reaches out toward Vitorrio's face]
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he pulls Vitorrio close]
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *masks only the slightest of winces as he moves to embrace Scrave* I love _you_, and no other!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he kisses Vitorrio quite sweetly on the cheek]
[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] Pisss on a girl'ss heart then.

.
.
.

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [he coughs once into a fist]
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] We are done.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he after only a few moments breaks free of the embrace, and offers Gustavo a bow*
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [claps gently, nodding with a solemn smile on his face] Very... Very tragic and deep... very profound. I am impressed, gentlemen!

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  I am quite impressed myself! The boulder based improv -
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  Was really quite spectacular
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Every problem can be solved with a boulder.
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Whisper]  I do not doubt you are right.

The final performance began without delay.


[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] We up, are we?
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Our turn, eh.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [gestures towards Davus and Reinhart] Yes, please.
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *he draws his sword and shield*
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He smiles warmly.] Its good to have you at my back in this battle, Reinhart.
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Its been a while. [He draws his sword as well.]
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Aye, and you Captain.  

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] How many orcs you figure there be?
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He shifts his footing defensively.]
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] The villagers said a couple clans bolstered together..
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Maybe 50, maybe a 100
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Who cares!
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *he getsp oied for battle* [sic] [Oiled?]

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] We been in worse pinches before, aye.
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Pinches. Hah!


[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Indeed.. what's that.. I can hear their horns!
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Shit- Here's the first wave!
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He raises his sword.] Don't let them green-skinned bastards past us!
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] He begins to parry, block and slash with his sword with practiced skill

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He begins to fight awkwardly with a non-existant person.] [/quote] During all this, the Legionnaires were merciless with cat-calls and bitter taunting. Certain already of their defeat, many were getting rather sore at their wretchedly poor manners.

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] STOP INTERRUPTING THE PERFORMANCE.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] *throws a huge boulder!*  ╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Be silent!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [shakes a fist at the Legionairres]
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] *She makes a rude gesture at Scrave, then winks.*

It did not work.

Back to the performance though:

[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Never, *he lunges to side and with swipe of his blade*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] They are coming in hard!
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Hells! There's at least a hundred of them here! Our boys can't last this!
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *he rushes forward, cuting down a swath of orc until...*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Ahhh!

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He whips about.] Reinhart!
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *he falls back with a thud*
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He tosses his scimitar aside, kneeling down to check on the fallen man.]
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] I wonder if they're gonna cry on this performance too.
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *he clutches a arrow in his chest*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] No.. Ah!
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Shit- Shit- Reinhart-

[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] I should have seen it coming..Ah, why!
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Its goin' to be alright- Don't talk, mate.
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Is it bad?
[Bearic] Ulysses Smogson: [Talk] should have drank the blur *snickers*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Is it bad!?

[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *he looks down, touching the imaginary blood seeping from his wound*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Oh gods...
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Its- [He swallows.] I- I've seen men live through worse..
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *he grabs hold of Davus shurt and pulls him in*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Don't lie to me! Tell it to me straight..
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] I can take it..

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] It don't look good, Reinhart. Please, mate, don't die on me. Not here. You been more of a brother to me than my own blood.
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] The boys need you - I need you.
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] And you me, Davus. I can't count how many time you saved my skin..
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Ha.. I guess my luck just had to run out sometime.

[Yanamar] Grima Nurin: [Talk] Usse a purple crysstal! *shouts out*
[Bearic] Ulysses Smogson: [Talk] *snorts and then laughs*


[Bearic] Ulysses Smogson: [Talk] *snorts and then laughs*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Ergh! I don't know how much longer I got..
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Please!
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] What is it, Reinhart? Anything.

[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] You have to tell Danae and the boys how much I love them!
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] How much.. I am going to miss them
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *his acting is very poor, and cheesy..*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] I.. I.. can see something..
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] It's calling to me...
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Go to it, mate.. You've earned your rest.
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] Ugh..! *he starts making some violent gurling noises*
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *thrashes about as he pretend to die*
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] [He rises, shaking his fist at the air.] Curse you, green-skinned bastards!
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] You've robbed me of a brother, you have!
[WildMagic] Reinhart Zigers: [Talk] *his leg twitches a few moments and then nothing*
.
.
.

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] And- uh- I suppose that's it.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] I wanted to be an orc...

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [crosses his arms, balancing the boulder on his back, between his shoulder blades, seeming frustrated]

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Although I have my quite personal favourite... it would be unfair to let myself decide who is the victor. Thus... You, the ones participating, shall write the name down on this piece of paper [circles and hands them about]
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] But you cannot vote yourself!

[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] Fine. I ain't votin' for no one then.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] THEN YOU LOSE, GET OUT.
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] [Laughs] Some freak thinkin' he can tell -me- what to do?
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] There is nothing worse than a poor loser!

[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] One through two the Shrouded Legion, two through three the strange stone display, four through six the last act.
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] Archiboddy Pinch rolled 1d6 and got 6.

Then, when everyone handed in their votes...

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [begins to sort out the pieces of paper into four piles...]
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [scribbles on one of the papers, adds it there... looks over them once more, then rising his head, smiling widely] Yes!
[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *Begins to step forward...*
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Yes, we have a winner... It is quite so that it was not whome I expected to prove victorious before the performance... Yet, such are the ways of love indeed. Mysterious in all ways
[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [waves his hand with a smile towards Pinch] I am afraid, I enjoyed your act immensively, Mister Pinch

[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. No!

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] However, this time the victor is another.

[Chotank] Scrave: [Whisper]  Wait. Yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *A forlorn step back*

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [turns towards Scrave and Vittorio] Yes! Your deep story has touched the majority of the audience!
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Please come... Come forward!


[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] HAHAHA, VICTORY!!!

[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] This is -goblin crock-!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] IN YOUR FACE, LEGION SCUM!
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] 'ey!

[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] SCRAVE IS VICTORIOUS.


[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] We're not scum!
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Yer scum!
[EfU_Jagged] Gynauld Broland: [Talk] How did this FREAK win?


[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Bene! You are, all of you -
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Too kind!
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *he offers another bow to the audience on each side*

[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Eh, 'is act were better. [Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] I voted fer 'em.


[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] The boulder won it, it did.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Aye.
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] That boulder were somethin' else.
[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] That was just damn impressive.


[Planar Circus Oddball Magician] Archiboddy Pinch: [Talk] *crossly* I -rhymed-
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Poorly! 'Leeks' indeed

[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] TOSS THE BOULDER AGAIN.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] [throws his arms up, quite pleased with himself. [Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] *throws a huge boulder!*

At this point there is some confusion as the boulder's impact lands near enough to one of the (particularly drunk) patrons as to knock him over. Broland is ready to beat Scrave down when the man drunkenly wobbled away with nothing more than a sore bottom.

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] I am joyful to be able to perform this. Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [he rummages his velvet pockets, smiling widely as he takes two rings from his pocket]
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Come, Scrave, it is time for our union.
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [gestures in front of him, again]
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Oh. Yes.

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [holds out the rings, another bland and strong looking golden band, the other made of gold too, but thinner and encrusted with fabulous gems] By the powers vested in me [gestures towards the audience] I now pronounce you...
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *coughs quite suddenly* You have powers?
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] Man... [puts the heavy band to Scraves finger] and...  
Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] And a man! [smiles a bit, simply handing the other ring for Vittorio]
[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] Ah, we get there eventually. Was there some doubt?

Gustavo Fleverhaven: [Talk] [smiles, nodding] You may now... Hmh! [looks between the two] You may now... congratulate each other for your success

[RagingPurpleGiant] Davus Halter: [Talk] Aye. Maybe its for the best we didn't win, aye? I thought the prize were coin, not a wedding.

[HerDarkMajesties] Vitorrio Ambrosi: [Talk] *and offers his hand out to Scrave* Well played!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Yes indeed!

And finally...

[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] *Faye watches the dwarf leave, her expression blank.*
[Scythetomeetyou] Faye Kendt: [Talk] Gods, this were fucked.
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Yes!
[Chotank] Scrave: [Talk] Let us never speak of it again.

[Kotenku]

The full text, completely unedited is here.

[Incorrigible]

OH... MY... GOD.


This is what EFU is all about right here. Amazing rp.

[Zoe]

I think I'm a little bit in love with Scrave.

[Pigadig]

Alas ladies, Scrave is a taken man.

[The Old Hack]

O_O

...

...

SCRAVE IS AWESOME.

O_O

[Erwin the German]

Curses, we nearly won that, too!

(who am I kidding)