Letter sent to the Legates and Magistrates

[thegn]

[An immaculate letter fashioned with the finest parchment, scented with decadent perfumes, and written with magnificent calligraphy]

Subat 18th, IY 7787

Dear Legates and Magistrates,

It's come to my attention by some stock-tending fat body that the lunatic Radhem Teltinc is not officially an exile of the Well, and so would not technically be a legal target for bounties.

Doubtless you already know that this woman has kidnapped me twice in broad daylight (once in the Plaza, once in the Pyramid), an act witnessed by your very own Janissaries and countless other citizens and scribes, has attempted to murder me and the Janissary soldier Kirgan "Cabbage" Cavanaugh, robbed me of a very great amount of dinars, and permanently disfigured me. You may ask the Sergeant Lawcleaver or the Soldier Cavanaugh for clarification on all this.

As I'm aware bureaucracy is the lifeblood of Ephia's Well and the letter of the law is sometimes a fine point that must be keenly looked upon, I ask for you to exile this wretch immediately and at once so that no one may legally grant this cannibal and Wyrm cultist succor nor asylum. You have already exiled the Brooker Radzik, who works in-tandem with her for the very same purpose, why not his executioner?

Of course, I do not want her punishment to merely be an exile. I would like for her to face the death penalty. However, until she is caught and this go around, does not disappear through the walls as would a spectre, I ask you make her LEGALLY a fugitive so that I may post a bounty on her head.

- Grand Strategist, Poet-Extraordinaire, Swashbuckling Bravo, Known Philanthropist, Baz'eeli Debonair, Connoisseur of the Consortium, Purple League Paragon, Official Envoy & Diplomat of Ephia's Well,
   The Most Esteemed Hamdan al-Hamdan