Velan Volandis and the Gloom of the Gutter Gods

[A Nony Mouse]

VELAN VOLANDIS and the GLOOM of the GUTTER GODS

Velan Volandis strode through the murk and twisting claustrophobic tunnels of the Dry Gutters. His heroic confidence defied the menace of the place as he cast an easy, glittering smile aside at the blue-robed man walking beside him, "Gutter bandits. Just like old times. Strange that the Mount would call upon me for such common thugs, but heroes always answer the call."

"T-these are no ordinary b-bandits like I said," Feodore Duskwink replied stuttering Mevuraishly, sweeping his torch this way and that, all tense and wound, sensitive nerves. "Th-the reports suggest they have strange powers r-relevant to my research."

"Of course," replied the legendary Elven hero, his cape and hair fluttering in the breeze, "Is that why we were up all night, working long and hard on that... certification?"

The Nadiri blushed to his ears, "A-among other reasons..."

Just then their comaradely banter was interrupted by a slow clap from the shadows! At first only the angry red tip of a glowing cigar was visible before a tall, broad-shouldered man in a long coat emerged, flanked by assorted and sundry lackeys. It was the Gutter Gods!

"We are the Gutter Gods." said the leader of the Gutter Gods, sucking greedily on his cigar before pursing his lips to blow and add, "I am the Baron Lodgemaster, and I've been waiting for you, Velan Volandis."

"Lodgemaster, eh? I've come to 'lodge' a complaint" Velan Volandis replied, then added with an impish, Elven grin, "But I won't say where I intend to lodge it." The Baron's blush matched the Nadiri's before he shook his head!

"You don't understand, Velan Volandis. We have mastered the Glooms! We are Gloom Gods now! And when we destroy you, Velan Volandis, our reputation will be sealed and the Well helpless before our might!"

"Please," chided the legendary Elven hero, "So, what? You'll breathe some fire at me? Maybe a ray of frost? You aren't the first Gloomed up miscreant I've thrashed and you won't be the last." Velan Volandis leveled his shining sword with a flourish.

The Baron's rugged smile was all teeth and promise as his skin took on a stoney cast, "I think you'll find us... stiffer competition." Then, all at once water began to drip from him! "Velan Volandis! Behold! I am DUAL GLOOMING!"

"H-he's DUAL GLOOMING!" shouted Feodor!

The Lodgemaster came for Velan Volandis, hard and wet. His stony blades accompanied by the crash of the waves with each strike, but the Legendary hero was indeed harder than stone himself and parried each blow with flawless Elven sword-and-shieldsmanship. His underlings tried to lend aid but found themselves casually dispatched in heroic form.

"Th-there is one thing you forgot, B-baron!" cried Feodore, "G-glooms cut two ways!" and with a flex of his fingers a great ash scavenger was conjured into being! "Duck, Velan Volandis!

With perfect co-ordination the lithe hero fell into a perfect split as the summoned avian disgorged a fusillade of rocks, water and bile over his head, inundating the Baron in fluids. "This is TERRIBLE!" he shouted, sputtering, "HOW? It's IMPOSSIBLE!"

"It's very possible," declared Velan Volandis as he sprung back to his feet with great agility, triumphant smile on lissome lips, "And you'd have known that if you had obtained basic Gloomology Certification!"

"CURSE YOU VELAN VOLANDIS!" howled the leader of the Gutter Gods manfully as he retreated into the gutters, his gang shattered around him, gagging and coughing, "I will get you next time!" as he threw something down and a blinding flash filled the tunnel. When vision returned, he was gone!

"Well," said Velan Volandis, sheathing his sword with a cocksure smile. "I think we showed them the ropes. Let us get out of here, for now."

"And we sh-showed them the importance of proper certification!" added the Nadiri.

"By the way, Feodore. I've always wondered. Do you stutter because Cosine makes you stutter as his apprentice?"

"Y-yes" the Nadiri confessed to the dashing Hero as they made their way back. "It's part of the training."