Personal: Do not Read (That includes you Hans)

[Badtothebow]

Tucked away neatly in one of the many shared chests in the 4th Legion Garrison's bunks lays a humble journal with a big title imprinted upon it. The writing contained within is neat and tidy, the words and punctuation maintaining a calm measure to reflect the writer.

Nisah 21st, IY 7789
I hope this helps me clear my head. It's been a few weeks now since I found myself awakening beneath this blistering sun, since I made the long trek thinking that I was dead, that I was in hell for something I could not remember. Instead, I found my way to this city. I put myself to work quickly. Gold was valuable for lodgings, and keeping myself busy meant keeping my mind at ease. To find myself facing, danger bow in hand, was strangely calmer than to walk the streets on my own. To question who I was. Why I was here.

I don't have answers. I hope I find them someday.

I joined the Janissaries. They said those that join the 4th Legion is to suffer the Misfortune. That they were destined to die to one thing or another. For some it must be a hard choice to join. A risk. For me, there is none. If I die, then that's simply it then. There is nothing for me to lose. If I live then... maybe I do something good with this existence of mine.

I think that's enough melancholy for one day.

As far as answers towards who I was before I came here. I did have a dream the other night. In it there was a girl, with ears like mine. I remember feeling a sort of kinship with her. She offered me bread, which I took. I felt guilty as I ate it. I was hungry, but I knew she was too. I still ate the bread though.

I hope she's doing alright.

[Badtothebow]

Nisah 24th, IY 7789
Been a few days. A few messy days. The situation with Grenth's murder got complicated. Our main suspect in the case got taken out by the brigands of the Banda. A job they of course only did for gold. We took the perpetrators in after finding the body... or what could constitute as one. They denied of course wrong-doing, least till the trial finished. Their inability to keep their mouths shut after the trial's concluded shows they don't have the slightest understanding of what justice is.

To think people would actually listen and provide them money to make up for the fines paid because of this... sickening.

I didn't know Grenth well, but he's one of the few I've met since awakening that was genuine in their pursuit of 'good'. He'll be missed.

The handwriting is less clean for the following.

The moon blazing and burning as the night sky tries to eat it alive.

The handwriting returns to normal.

Maybe the stress is getting to me.

[Badtothebow]

Nisah 29th, IY 7789
The White League won. Tasnim says I shouldn't worry. That they do not seek to cause strife with the 4th Legion. My kinder nature tells me to believe her in this.

My truer nature tells me that's a load of shit.

The Banda Rossa are empowered now, especially after the treaty. So long as it's not a Recluta messing up, it'll be next to impossible to take them to court unless our new Legate is in the mood for backstabbing political allies. If that happens... I could respect that.

But that won't happen. Luther will go and axe someone he's paid to kill and we'll try all we can to see justice met out. It'll avail to naught, but at least we can say we tried.

In brighter news, I finally remembered something else about myself.

Turns out, I was a little shit as a kid. Pickpocketing, stealing food from vendors, throwing sand in people's eyes. Didn't have much else to do I think. Only place I had to go was some barely put together place in the slums. An orphanage I think? Lot of other kids there, not enough adults to keep us all in line.

That's where I met her. The only other kid like me. Pointed ears, but not pointed enough.

What was her name?

[Badtothebow]

Iyar 15th, IY 7789
I've done a pretty poor job writing in this thing.

Where does one even begin.

The battle at the Abulmahhu. I wasn't present for it, but I heard much of what happened. The artillery, the deaths, Iakmes. It fills me with shame that I was not there. Perhaps if there was just one more archer on the field, just one more pair of hands....

Perhaps things would have gone differently.

While a victory was achieved, the damage caused can already been seen. With Tasnim gone whatever moderation Sayburgh had is gone. She now openly joins in with Achaeus's insane persecution, their crusade against all enemies political and religious. I watched an old man bleed against the ground, blood dripping of the flail Hans had wielded against him. Never before had I felt as sick to my stomach. Never had I been so ashamed of the colors I wore.

Achaeus.

Never has a man's name filled me with such abject rage. But this man. This man is a monster. The web of lies I seek to cut open, I see him there in it. Hans thinks me crazy, that the threads I pull on lead to nowhere. The new "Hakem", the Vizier, Achaeus, Grenth.

Deceit is the tool of the enemy, and so I must bring about truth to break it.

I've been here before haven't I. That's why it bothers me so much. The ache in my gut, the pang in my chest. The feeling like an answer is slipping through my fingers.

Was it because of her or something else?

What happened in Waterdeep?

Waterdeep

So that's where I'm from.

[Badtothebow]

Iyar 22nd, IY 7789
A new name has risen on my list of people I dislike a great deal. Though he at least might be guiltless in anything legal. Just annoying.

As we've marched further towards Bet Nappahi, it feels as though the orcs mount a greater defense. A few days past, a raid was called with the aid of the Sukaitza. They wanted to test their own artillery and we our's. The whole thing was a mess. Our own soldiers being blasted with shellings, some almost being killed outright. Then deep within the fortress, the most evil Mupp I had yet laid eyes on. It kept shitting out Void Callers.

We killed a valuable tool of Iakmes's that day. Though I am lucky to have lived myself. Caught in one of those black holes or what not the Void Callers summon while being stabbed repeatedly by one of their "Legates" was not a good combination for my health.

Really it feels as though the "Misfortune" has been hitting hard. There was Mazeed's trial, this past raid, then the job dealing with the Nazzaru, and then... the incident.

Could really use a win right now.

Wish I knew if you were out there too. That you woke up like I did. Perhaps that is selfish of me.

[Badtothebow]

Hrizan 10th, IY 7789
Again I must remark I'm awfully terrible at writing in this.

I wonder what malfunction there is in one's thought process that they do not think about the consequences of actions. Is it pride? Ignorance? Least we've got the easy answer of being cursed. What do they have?

Walk around with something that looks akin to a skull? Must be other people being stupid.

Making veiled threats about mishandling artillery? Must be other people being rude.

Burning an ancient tree at the behest of cackling madmen? Must just be what is right for victory.

Who's victory?

The war's got me on edge. As I've spent my time here, become acquainted more and more with the people fighting in it, I've come to realize it's not as simple as "the orcs are our enemy". They are, but there's more at play. Secrets hiding behind deceitful tongues and dance.

Least I've got good people trying to sift through it all with me. I admit when I joined the Fourth I did not expect to make friends. Feels like more than that though. I look around at the people I fight with and there is this pang of. .  .  Loyalty I think? Respect? Like I could bleed out on the sands beside them with a smile on my face. Probably a grim one. But a real one.

It's like running about the streets with you. Finding our marks, you doing those stupid bird signals when the watch was on us. Knowing full and well at any moment it can all go bad, but still finding the way to smile through it all.

I think you'd like Hans. You and him have pretty similar senses of humor. Even got the same craving for wrath and vengeance.

Theres a few splatters of ink as though the writer had to ponder his next words a long while as the ink dripped from the pen.

The night. You were always fascinated with the Night.

[Badtothebow]

Hrizan 13th, IY7789

I am here aren't I? I mean really here. This is real. Must be. Has to be.

Haven't questioned my existence since waking up. The heat was real, the sand was real. But now. Is it? Is this a fantasy? Or is it like Luther said and the world I remember is one.

They say I crawled out from the dunes. Am I a person? Or the facsimile of one.

Do I want to know?

The rest of the page is littered with sketches of spirals.