Tales from a Painfully Average Thief Lost in the Whims of Ephia's Well

[1dboy]

On one quiet night, the desert heat still exhuming off the streets of Ephia's Well, a man gazes over the streets. Who is he? Where did he come from? And what will he do? Years from now people will recall him. They'll say about him, 'Oh yeah, *that* guy.' Yes, *that* guy. The man so painfully mediocre that the mere memory of him sparks a conversation; his successes, his failures. Mostly his failures.

But tonight, he embraces his new home. One man, one dream. One vision. To be the greatest thief there ever was. We can only pray for our hopeful vagrant as he embarks upon his journey.

[1dboy]

Turning pick. Short hook. Press one. Press six. Press five. Press three. Press three. Twist.

The simplest of methods, testing each bump to find the right groove upon a lock. But our hero is no amateur. He is a professional thief. Most locks require finding the right bumps, testing each and every single bump to find the particular number.

Bump six. Bump two. Bump three. Twist.

To him, locks are his magic. The intricacies of the mechanism known only to him.

Bump five. Bump five. Bump two. Twist.

Magicians may know magic, but our enterprising vagrant can resolve each and every single lock in all of the desert. Such is his promise to himself.

[1dboy]

A fumble of the knife, and suddenly you're on the hot list for the Priory of the Sibylline Sisterhood. Some of them got better eyes than you'd think. Hard to tell them apart from one another, since they all wear their hoods and speak the same. And the magic they wield, all types of divination, eyes swirling above their hooded faces. Lay low for a while, let the desert heat become a cool breeze, then get back to work. Dinars and groats from every pocket I can for now.



Fortunate for me though, their attention span is similar to a desert skink. Easily distracted by bigger meals. And I don't ever intend on becoming a bigger meal. Time to have a few drinks at the Krak while this blows over.

[1dboy]

Taking stock of the territory, there's several low key and high key places that mark a particular interest for a heist. The Souk holds a variety of merchants, some with their own buildings and even security. Others, those not as fortunate, are stuck on the streets, pushing to make their way to their Voice.

One of these places will be my first target..



The Temple of B'aara

While they're undoubtedly the richest on the block, it's also the most guarded. One guard posted on the outside, one on the inside. It's small, with bookshelves loaded to the walls. The aim would be the donation bowl, but it'd be a quick way to be put on the chopping block. I'm sure there's quarters tucked away in the side, maybe some additional valuables. The last thing I need is the water chanters demanding justice, especially as the favored of Ba'Zeel.




The Flying Carpet

I wouldn't know the first thing about rugs or carpets, but with that type of set up, I'm sure the old hag's got a lockbox of dinars hidden somewhere. Not too high risk, only one guard posted around the corner. I don't see myself walking out the door with a bundle of her merchandise though... A little promising, but might be underwhelming.



The Spice Labs

Spice is a lucrative business around the Well, mostly because it gets vagrants high and dazed out in the middle of the streets. Messing with the people's local spice provided might wind me up on the wrong side of the river with a few number of decadent types, but I doubt the Fourth's shedding a tear that he lost his dinar.



Rashid al-Rashid's Book Store

Robbing an ex-Legate's shop might be the stupidest thing I'll ever do, but if anyone on this block is going to have dinar, it'll be him- unless he's blown it away on some sort of gambling debt. From what I heard on the meanderings of the vagrants around the Hope, though, seems like he's a hawk over his interests. A sergeant posted outside of his shop makes this one of the harder jobs on this list, and who knows what sort of traps he's got set up in shop to protect himself from unwanted characters... Something to think about.



The Fourth Legions' Garrison

Now I might be a little desperate, but breaking into one of the most fortified locations in the entire Well might as well be the same as putting the noose around my own neck and jumping off the chair to bring an abrupt end to my career. Multiple doors, at least five to six guards posted on the outside and the first room, and whatever else beyond there is as good as guess as mine. Now I did hear a rumor that the Halls has a little pathway to the Garrison, that also leads to the Drips.. If I ever get arrested, I should make sure I get a layout of the joint if I ever feel like robbing their place.



Elossi's Lounge

One bodyguard, one mistress, one songbird. Mizzar is a lucrative business around the Well, and this lady hogs all the Voiced to herself in her fancy little lounge. Not a lot of entrances, but there is a means to come in from the top and work my way down into her little spot.. Issue is, it's bright, the guard's by the door, and I'm sure she hovers over her dinar.



The Coinchangers

Not a bad spot to hit, but there's one guard right outside, one on the block, and one inside sitting there on the inside. Trying to break into here will be pretty foolish. But, I do wonder if there's a pick up and drop off with someone from Ba'zeel grabbing their fair share and heading back to the floating enclave above... I'll have to sit around and watch. Maybe I'll get lucky and get an opportunity to snag my fair share of dinar.



The Krak des Roses

If the Garrison is a fortress, then this is a palace. A tavern. Their own lodgings for three sets of different flavors of zealots, and rooms available for rent. Undoubtedly the richest place in all the Well, but maybe the most fortified and guarded. There's no way to slip in except through the front, and they've got every single entrance to their lower levels completely on lockdown. The only possible way I could see myself getting in and out is if I have someone on the payroll and make it at least a three man heist. I'm not even going to think about it.

The town watch is on the prowl for me still. Guess they've got nothing better to do than look for a pesky rodent that touched the wrong purse. Fortunately for me, though, seems like they're not used to checking the darkest of corners for vermin. I can dodge them easily enough until it's time to go on one of these jobs. The question is...

Which?

[1dboy]

Walking into the Temple isn't so hard to do. They welcome anyone, especially so they can squeeze your for alms. Innocent little eyes mask a greedy nefarious intent; the only thing these people want from you is your dinar. A precursory inspection of the site speaks loudly of the opportunity here. The only issue is they watch over their tithe like a rat watching cheese fall from the table. The only way I can get in and out is either a smash and grab, which will probably result in a quick exile....

Or I've got to reach out for some help. I'll put this on the backburner for now.

[1dboy]

Idle chatter with a target about their business is an old trick among thieves. Keep them busy while you're eyeing the goods. Unfortunately about this joint, the lady has a pesky vermin problem, one that she's constantly rousing the Voiceless to handle. Additionally, where ever she's hiding her stash is tucked away in one of these rugs. It'll take a lot of digging to find the score, and that sort of rustling is assuredly going to catch her ear.

Not a bad score, undoubtedly, but might be more risk than reward.

[1dboy]

While spice addicts dope and fiend their way through the grim circumstances they live, their dealers count dinar and set aside stacks for retirement. The kid's not stupid. From the way he was looking at me, it seemed like he made my intent from the moment I approached him. A few veiled threats later, I got the message crystal clear.

Whoever's backing this kid has muscle. At least the Fourth will throw you in a cell. Street gangs, on the other hand, are more likely to leave you in the Gutters. I'll take a pass on this for now.

[1dboy]

Seems like the cat's out of the bag now. Either I'm getting old, or this younger generation is getting better at spotting pickpockets. A few drinks back at Mro Po's, and I'm back on my feet for now. Fortunately for me, there's still not a lot of people that can spot me on my job. One of the do-gooder's is also threatening me for over five hundred dinar she tossed to a Recluta, as if it's my fault she decided to act the hero. Just another thorn in my side while I'm working.

The heat's ramping up in Ephia's Well. Whatever I'm intending to do, I better stop messing around and make it quick, before they start to get serious.

[1dboy]

Blood in the streets. A tale as old as time. Signs of unrest, machinations starting to grind and stress the society's limits. One dead lumberfoot, and now the whole city's baying for order. I saw him one time, sparring a woman I did some work with out in the sands. He beat her bloody, and proclaimed himself one of the best duelist in Ephia's Well.

Turns out being the best doesn't mean anything if you don't see it coming. A lesson most people here in the streets should learn well.

[1dboy]

People are forgetting about me as the election day begins, which allows me ample time to speak with the gala organizer and scout the coinchanger's out properly. The first issue I noted was the janissary who was watching me like a hawk as I spoke with the organizer, and the two ashfolk were definitely paying full attention to me, a raggedy outsider that didn't belong in their esteemed bank. I kept eye contact with my contact, but as I left, I made note of three things: The door that could lead to a side office, a ledger right beside the little lady, and an elaborate locked safe that I wouldn't have enough time to crack unless I somehow distracted all four of them at the same time while I worked the safe.

That ledger though... Well. Best left unsaid for now.

[1dboy]

Word spreads that Lawari Bysjare has become a citizen of Ephia's Well.

One lucky little snag was all it took. Five thousand dinar and I've made myself to be known as a credible thief. The man who stole a Voice. Now the Jannisarries might ramp up the action on me a bit, but the opportunity was there and there was no way I was going to let it slip past me. Lawari Bysjare. Mister Mouse. The man who stole a Voice. Let's see how many titles I can get.

[1dboy]

My first thoughts when breaking into a house is that you never know what you're going to find. Personally, with how rich some of these fat cats are, there would be at least rare or exquisite silverware to steal, maybe a colorful painting or something. Instead, all I found was the empty barren house of a lady that enjoys too much furniture. Even her bedsheets were dull and miserable. The second house I broke into...



Had the same measure of barren waste inside of it too. What's the point of breaking into a place, if you can't find something to sell? I left my calling cards, but I was less than amused by the whole situation. Plus, the Jannissaries caught me slipping away through the plaza.

Wasn't worth the risk at all, and I'm back on square one. Time to focus on a bigger heist. Maybe start reaching out to the less than happy dredges of this city, see if they want something snagged...

[1dboy]

Finally got myself caught. Beaten, booked, and a joke of a trial later, I'm free as a songbird. Let me get a good case of the joint- even that rumored tunnel of theirs to break into the Garrison... Issue is there's a lot of guards around. Couple of offices. One mistake, and they'll come running... But the fines they tuck away is right there for the taking.

Decided to take a day or two off. Let people catch their breath a little. Being a nuisance is fine. Being a constant nuisance will see me to the lions. Got maybe an easy enough job lined up, the problem is finding the right mark for it. Well. Doesn't matter today. I see some Melange with my name on it, and this cigarette will calm the nerves.

[1dboy]

Where the hell did I slip up? My head's killing me, woke up in Q'Tolip's tower with a variety of janissaries and Roses all over.. One of them accused me of petty theft, so I forced the locked and got the hell out of there. I'm sitting in the Krak now, nursing this pain. I didn't think I'd be so stupid. I don't even remember what I was doing before the trial. It's a damned mess. Maybe some how I thought I could slip into the Tower, steal some goods... Guess they've got mind traps in place to mess with any stupid enough thief to walk into their tower.

Note to self.. Never do it again. This is enough to kill a man.