About suicide and loved ones

[Bonhomie]

Hello dear community,

I cried myself to sleep and I woke up crying this morning, so I'll try to keep emotions to a minimum this post.

Sunday evening I received a phone call from my parents that my brother, 27 y/o, has tried to commit suicide. My brother is a highly intellectual and kind person, who struggles very hard in life because of these complex psychological problems which make it difficult for him to succeed for a shortcoming of the needed will power.  He's been diagnosed with depression for some time now (which is hard to tell for outsiders because of his joyful outward appearance) and struggled to make ends meet in basically all facts of life.

As a diabetic, he attempted to rob himself off his life with a tremendous injected overdose that lowered his blood sugar so far that it slipped him into a coma, and would quickly have shut down his vital organs if not for the loud noise he made from muscle spasms against the ground. Someone heard and found him and the ambulance brothers managed to bring him back to normal levels. He's better again, for that matter.

Psychiatries inside the hospital offered him a choice:  voluntary or involuntary rehabilitation inside a closed facility. He chose the 1st.

Today and for an indeterminate amount of time, he'll remain there to work on his recovery. We're all praying for his good health and full recovery so that he will eventually learn to appreciate life the same way most of us can. This has been such a traumatic event for all us that wounded us deeply because none of us accept that this was his best choice. We hope he will soon see it the same way. Plenty of success stories from recovered suicidal individuals all around, I'll keep saying.

If you or someone close to you has been in a situation like this before and if you have something helpful / supportive to say that I can carry out to my brother, please do.


He's always been a more loved part of this community than I ever was. That is why I feel like I can share this with you. Some of you probably know who he is. Please don't try to contact him though.


Regards to all.

[Vlaid]

My brother in law mirrors this almost identically down to the last detail.

He was legally required to be comitted for a period of until the doctors felt he could leave which ended up being a few weeks. It has and continues to have lasting stress on his and most of our lives. I don't know what your brother is like but in our situation it was very difficult because he is such a private person that does not share his emotions or feelings on things easily for any reason.

I wish you and your family the best of luck and hope you find better ways of getting through to your brother than we have to my brother in law.

[Unholy_Master]

I think most people have been touched by depression, or suicide at some point in their lives or are the rare few that are lucky to have avoided such.  My family suffered something similar, my mother attempted to overdose on some pills and was also committed for a while until she was stable again.  She is doing absolutely great now.

The only thing you can do is keep them engaged in something they enjoy doing.  Remind them they are surrounded by friends and loved ones and ensure them that admitting they are depressed and asking for help is a sign of strength, not something they should be ashamed of or embarrassed about.  Show them exactly why it's worth living and all the wonderful things there are to do by laughing and smiling.

Keep away from alcohol and spend as much time with them as possible, or make sure that they have easy access to the support they need if they are feeling down.  It's a lot of work and strain on both parties because they feel like a burden after they tried such a thing, and can easily fall back into depression.

But most importantly you need to make sure they feel like they can TALK to you which is probably the most difficult thing.  They need to be able to say what is on their mind without fear of reprisal, judgement, or pity.  Sometimes they start to feel patronized or coddled.

I have nothing but positive thoughts for your brother, and Vlaid's brother in law.

[Kinslayer988]

In the last couple years my older brother dropped college and came back to live with my parents and hated every day there. He has not attempted but he has severe depression that has made his life very unenjoyable. What I can offer as some tips or some ways to help your brother would be:

Make sure that your brother has the ability to do. Depression is, in my own opinion, a lot like a trap. People get caught in it and it restricts many things that people want to do. Depression starts due to hopelessness and more. Make sure that people do not call your brother lazy, annoying, or a burden when he is recovering because it hurts like hell. Depression is made worse when there is that feeling of being a burden.

I encourage your brother's friends, if he has some close friends, or if not, you. To let your brother know the important role he plays in your lives. Try to show him that what he does is making a difference, and that it matters.

I wish the best for your brother and for you. No recovery is swift, but I hope that when he finishes rehabilitation that he leaves happier.

[whiterabbit]

I'm sorry Bonhomie, I hope the treatment bears fruit.

I won't say that I know what you're going through as I haven't had somebody close to me attempt suicide, but I know to a lesser extent what your brother is going through.   I had what I considered to be a fairly severe depression about 6 years back - it runs in my mom's side of the family, many of them are on meds.  I was prescribed some meds that I took for a few months, but I think what really got me back on track was lessening alcohol intake (temporarily), and getting into some semblance of shape (I was slightly overweight, I think my weight was causing poor sleep, waking up choking etc, and the poor sleep was contributing to depression).  I'm feeling much better these days.

My best wishes for your brother - I hope he is able to find a way to overcome this.

[Mort]

My sympathy to you, your family and your brother. This is a VERY serious attempt. He could have ended up with life-changing cerebral deficiencies from this attempt aside from death. Glad he is well and taking part in the recovery process... It is a long and hard road and he needs support to find his flame back.

I see and hear of these tragedies far too often, me being a medical practioneer and my wife being a psychiatrist, that I can only encourage everyone to participate in this thread and share their suicidal tendencies with others (there are plenty of helpful listening services in your country) to get help before the point of no return..

We've been sharing efu for some time, and it is always hard to see the pain and distress of other members. There is a very big stigma associated with mental disease and suicide, even moreso with the events surrounding the german copilot. It is the disease of the intellectuals and one of the worst blight of our 'modern' society...

Wish you all the best to you and yours in this difficult time.

[fishingpenguin]

My sister-in-law has struggled with similar issues for a long time, and attempted suicide more than once.  She was hospitalized for a period of time, and then lived with us for several years.

What I'd like to contribute is that there is hope!  If you had asked us several years ago where she would be now, my wife and I would have both told you we did not think she would still be alive.  But there has been an amazing turn-around in her life - she has some very positive things going, and has made some wonderful connections with others.  It has been incredible to see.

We're strong believers in treatment and the power of family/relationships to help the healing process.  I'll be keeping your brother in my thoughts/prayers, and would be happy to discuss in more detail over pm what was helpful for her.

[Bonhomie]

All your support is very heartwarming.  It means a LOT. I am constantly glazing over to look at your responses.  I would appreciate your PM fishingpinguin. The future for him feels less bleak because of all this. Know that I will answer those that PMed me as well once I can sit down for it.

Thanks so much and feel free and encouraged to keep this topic going. It helps me in a lot of ways (perhaps others than just me and my brother as well?).

A thousand thanks so far.

[Deadlykate]

I hope he gets better, I have had issues myself and I know it can be hard. A lot of the people who seem joyful are often the ones who think of suicide the most, so please keep a close eye on your friends and listen to them when something seems wrong.

It is a serious issue and sometimes hard to talk about with loved ones and friends but it can save a life if you open up to them. Everyone has been in that dark place in their mind, you need to let them know they aren't alone and that there is a life worth to live.

I hope your brother makes a swift recovery Bonhomie.

[Letsplayforfun]

I sympathize with the issue, Bonhomie. I am very familiar with these and part of my work is to help people like your brother.

Depending on the country you live in, your brother will have access (already has likely) to specialized help, starting from treating any immediate threat that may remain to his person (cf Mort's thread), then entering open or closed facility. Once things "settle down" (in a long while) he will leave the facility, but should have a followup for some (long) time.

The medical part I won't go through with, as it won't be your job. But here's a few very practical aspects of things you or you family can do:

- stay close to your brother, and take some time specifically for him. At first it's easy and obvious, because there's that emergency. But even after things seem to settle down, for quite a while, you need to stay close: frequent visits, games, outings, etc...

- once he's out of the medical facility, make sure he takes his treatment. Depressive people don't like taking their treatment. The treatment will affect some things including (but not limited to) his physical appearance (hello fatty...) Don't let this go unsaid, because it'll affect his self esteem too.

- don't think of him as weak minded, mentality impaired, or whatever stigma this disease carries. He's "just" sick. Talks in backchannels always come back to the person, also, so make sure you stick out for him clearly even when he's not there.

- don't minimize what he did, but don't press him. Don't pretend whatever. He will need to vent in his own time. Make sure when he does vent he does not become labelled as "that's the suicidal guy". He will need to reaquire social status that will cover up that main one he's just put on himself.

- identify what in his environnement opened the way to his action, and help him change what can be. Depression is a sickness, amplified by his way of life (work, gf issues, overshadowed by x family member, prison feeling, etc...). Most of the time it's anomia.

- most of all: be patient. Depression can take a long time to work over. It counts in years, not month or weeks.

His attempt is a serious one, not "just" to catch attention.

[Knight Of Pentacles]

I know on a very personal level how diabetes and depression feed off one another.  I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said here but I wish your brother a swift recovery.

[Howlando]

I was very distressed to read this post and would like to express my most sincere wishes for a speedy recovery and that your brother finds the peace we all need.

[putrid_plum]

I played a lot with your bro and I hope he recovers on all fronts.  I am sad to hear this A LOT and if you need anything feel free to message me OLD FRIEND!

[MetallicSlime]

I've got a few things in common with your brother, and like LPFF says, it's a struggle that feels like it's never really going to end. Well wishes and hope your brother gets better.

[Pentaxius]

I can't quite find the right words for this post...  

My most sinceres wishes of recovery for your brother. I can only say I wholeheartedly agree with LPFF's wise suggestions... It will take time, and he will need all of you.

Depression is a tricky thing, treatment options are out there man. Hit me up with a PM if you need to talk or anything.

We're one big family here and you and him can always count on support from this community.