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[Why do this?]

In the end I could not flee. My pessimistic shell could not shield me. What a failure I am. Melting in one moment of validation.

The starbeast, whatever became of it, or whatever Apother L. made of it; It still rattles inside my head. Pain echoes in a rhythmic thrum. At least it seems to be slowly receding. Meanwhile the finger I broke has been splinted. I'm warned that it may heal crooked. Another lifelong reminder of black horror. I'm glad I had the forethought not to damage my writing hand.

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Scratch Thesis Query #1. Anything dealing with Djinni is not just anathema, it's practically gauche. No need for such risk. That war priest is more than enough evidence of what could happen. And sometimes it's too hard to have faith in myself.

Scratch Thesis Query #2. Has little interest outside of a "cover thesis".

Shelve Thesis Query #3. The snake that can not shed it's skin dies.

Thesis Query #4 seems to be the most promising out of the batch.

Shelve Thesis Query #5. Maybe if I'm a Zenithar some day.

Thesis Query #6 is a scratch. Apothar E/A tried to point a finger at Nadiri D. and insinuate something dire. She treats her pawns like toys. Unacceptable.

Why do this?

• Act of dominance?
• Veiled threat?
• Careless hubris?
• Deflect attention away from other plots?

I wonder if Nadiri D. understands the united front I tried to present. It seems like none of them did. Another lesson. I will have to bear the wrath of E/A alone, should it ever find me.

Thesis Query #7

Nadiri T. suggested something a bit more abstract. I should consider it out of respect. (Remind him he needs to pay back complaint gnome.)

What is the source of elemental energies that fuel arcane magics?

• Clearly define problem of "instant energy" upon spellcasting.
• Muddle through a few potential theories, interdimensional drawing, aether pools, world weave etc.
• Could be a decent cover thesis if I wanted to focus on something underhanded.

[Thesis Query #1]

I have discarded my previous journal. Reviewing it found little need in keeping those tear watered pages. What is important will remain sacred memory. The 41st is behind me. The whimpering girl is dead. With her death, the hardest part is over.

Their corpses form a path. Water will be abundant in that place.

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From where I sit, scrawling at these papers, I can see the astronomer's observatory. Supposedly they glean some meaning from the way the heavens move. I won't grudge them their vices. How could they know that all the stars are fake? And why should I inform them? Most importantly: will they take me in if I play the part?

Their foolishness is not unlike my own. Remember the shores of sacrifice.

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Bless them for thinking me so naive. What a perverse thrill it is to pretend.

But just as I put down my roots, I discover the early warning signs of a plague. This city is not prepared. No stockpiles, no containment measures. The priory focuses on their intrigues and the astronomers sit on their hands. A democracy. A shining beacon on a hill. And not even a mention of the approaching horror in their bellows during this "election". Fools.

Be ready.

• Keep a bag together.
• Keep the green outside of the gate happy with dinar.
• DO NOT allow yourself to be trapped in the city when the gates are sealed.
• Flee at first sign of sickness in streets
• None of the other cities will be safe.
• Join desert nomads.
• Bandits/pirates even.
• Survive as you always have

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Thesis Query #1

Do Djinni lie like I do?

• dangerous thesis.
• Nadiri J. did not seem disturbed
• cover from brooking speculation

Thesis Query #2

Why not just graverob the depths?

• they already are.
• still some plunder to go around.
• promising with a little risk

Thesis Query #3

What can be recovered from the shores of sacrifice?

• speak with ZNA
• seek translocational allotment for the 41st
• prepare internal geometries
• kill her as many times as you need to

Thesis Query #4

Magic and the altered self.

• Scribe H. says there is a market for narcotics.
• safe. profitable.
• mindbloom

Thesis Query #5

Deity Killing Spell

• speak with ZNA
• starbeast opportunity
• obfuscate true intention

Thesis Query #6

Apothar E/A personal assassin

• Sister S. Nadiri K. agreement
• informal clout inside outside tower
• potentially vast transactional protections inside tower
• extreme risk
• Apothar E/A liability
• is this a snare?