Messages

VELAN VOLANDIS and the ROD of DOMINATION

About the plaza of Ephia's Well the Moon shown bright and the town criers hawked their newspapers.

"READ all ABOUT it! THROATER goes down HARD! THROATED by TEN Banda Rossa and Janissary ONE after the OTHER!"

"What a way to go." mused a hero, walking by on his way to the Pyramid. Such is the life of Velan Volandis, though, that whenever one challenge was spent, another would rise up in his path. On he went, to the Legate's office, dashing dashingly, hair swirling in the night breeze.

"We have a problem, Velan Volandis." said the Legate Marcellus after a manful round of greetings and embraces. "During the Silibant War, during our parley with the Orcs, I had a... private diplomatic interlude with one of their chieftains, Iakmes. And after a long, hard night of negotiations I gave him our Scroll of Domination."

"Oh," the Elven hero inquired with a teasing smile, "The one with all the... illustrations?"

"The very same." the muscularly bearded Legate's tone was grim, "He has used the techniques therein to craft a magic rod. And I fear that so long as that hard rod is firm in his grasp he will use it to mercilessly dominate the other tribes, pounding down their resistance until he unleashes a great sweaty torrent of orcs upon the well. Can you imagine it?"

"Wow." Velan Volandis flushed in ardent attention.

Just then an elf burst into the room, a dashing Hin scribe on her heels! In her hand she held a harp. It was Narwen!

"Marcellus! We figured it out!" the young elf cried emphatically, "After the old banner? We need a new banner. A better banner. One with you kissing on it. So when the orcs send us a banner back, it has them kissing on it. We have to do this Marcellus. The well -needs- that banner."

The Hin scribe pounded a fist into his own palm handsomely, "Yeah!"

Velan Volandis furrowed his brow intriguingly, "A fascinating proposal. And this will help stop the war?"

Narwen blinked, "War? What war?" she and the scribe looked around the room, "Oh was this a meeting about something?" She strummed her harp for emphasis, "No we just have to do this."

Marcellus nodded, "I will get our top scribes on this to model it, but Velan Volandis, I need your legendary blade. You must seize Iakmes' great rod for the good of the Well, lest all the people of it be put in bondage."

The dashing Elven hero nodded heroically, "Fear not, Legate for I will get my hardest Balladeer- Aurelio- and we shall penetrate deep in the Nusrum. We will get both of our hands on Iakmes' legendary rod. And then we will see whom dominates whom."

And with that Velan Volandis dashed out of the office and off to adventure, leaving the bewildered crowd behind. The Hin scribe cupped his hands about his mouth and yelled after, "We can model for the banner later, okay?"

With a thumbs up in response over his shoulder, Velan Volandis was off.

TO BE CONTINUED...

VELAN VOLANDIS and the THREAT of the THROATER

As the hateful sun began to set over the Palatial Pyramid, the stillness of twilight was broken by a clamor and shout!

"I no longer have need of your services!" bellowed a deep and manly voice as disgraced former magistrates Aubrey and Mae tumbled head over heels down the steps, bowled bodily out the doors by the thick and magnificent thews of Legate Marcellus.

The pair tumbled in a tangle, the Balladeer lecturing all the while to an audience only she could see while the Apothar's face radiated anger and also radiation. They came to a stop in a tangle, "Come on," said Mae, grabbing Aubrey's hand, "We'll find a new reason not to vote for the White League!" she seethed as they scuttled off.

"And stay out!" cheered a nearby Hin scribe handsomely.

"I'm not interrupting am I?" A voice came from behind like honeyed music. Marcellus and the scribe turned around and who did that voice belong to? None other than Velan Volandis!

Marcellus smiled and clasped forearms with the legendary Elven hero, firm and tight, "I can slip you in any time, Velan Volandis." and he gazed into the swordsman's sparkling eyes, "In fact, you are just the Elf I wanted to see. Come in my office?"

"I always do." Velan Volandis said with a winsome smile, close behind the Legate as they made for the lift.

At the office, Marcellus laid out the situation.

"He's called The Throater. For obvious reasons. He has killed several upstanding citizens of the well, and the Astrologers report he is responsible for every single Nadiri who has died under mysterious circumstances. Ever." Marcellus flexed a gesture toward the scribe and the dashing Hin passed a drawing of the man to Velan Volandis. Their fingers brushed and the scribe blushed administrativeishly.

"That is a lot of dead Nadiri." the hero mused Elvishly as he dextrously unrolled the vellum and looked over the image of the man judgefully. "Don't worry Legate. The Throater will go down, and he will go down hard."

"Velan Volandis I know you are a hero without peer but even a hero needs someone to watch their back. Tonight you will patrol the Souk with one of my hardest men. Janissary Radislav, Chaplain of the Wroth."

Velan Volandis gave a roguish smile, "Tell him I'll meet him there. Don't worry about him I'll make sure he gets what he needs." and the Elven hero was off, hair and cloak fluttering behind him.

Night fell over the Souk. The air was hot and it was only getting hotter.

And all through it Velan Volandis stalked through the streets with the effortless grace of an Elven hunting cat, the burly Janissary Radislav striding alongside him with muscular intent. Watching every shadow.

"Its been hours" Velan Volandis said, turning to look at his close partner, "Maybe we should... take a little break?" the handsome Elf suggested suggestively.

"Velan Volandis." replied the Janissary, "The Wroth teaches us to be ready for any betrayal, but I never expected to be betrayed... by my own heart." Radislav removed his helmet, leaning in toward the lithe swordsman. To whisper? To do something more? But then, what did Velan Volandis's keen Elven eyes spy reflected in the chaplain's own... but THE THROATER! Coming up on him hard from behind!

"Not so fast!" whirled Velan Volandis as he unsheathed his weapon and caught the blade of the infamous throater, Leondar Knifekill, on his own shining longsword!

"Finally the ultimate contract," the Throater chittered rattishly, "VELAN VOLANDIS!" a flash of blades as the lithe pair began a deadly and dashing dance of death, "Diakos has a bounty out... FOR YOUR HEART!"

Velan Volandis give a Velandesque roll of his eyes, "And you're just gagging to give it to him, aren't you? Well, it will take more than some two-bit mouse-faced sneak to thrash me!"

"You will choke on those words!" howled The Throater, lunging forward blades poised to penetrate, "and other things! Velan Volandis! Prepare to be throated!"

Just then a blinding flash of holy light lanced forth, spreading shadow aside as Janissary Radislav blasted divine white heat all over the Throater, sending him sprawling back! "He is always prepared!" roared Radislav in a manful bellow, "Feel the kiss of the Wroth!"

Knifekill rolled to his feet, "This isn't over, Velan Volandis! Sooner or later, you will be throated!" and with those words, he threw down a smoke bomb, disappearing in the confusion.

"Well," said the legendary hero, sheathing his blade firmly, "It seems he's no joke. That's too bad," he added, eyes meeting Radislav's, voice dipping into an alluring whisper, "I do enjoy a good gag."

"Maybe," replied, Radislav flushing manfully, "it is time for that break after all..."

VELAN VOLANDIS and the GLOOM of the GUTTER GODS

Velan Volandis strode through the murk and twisting claustrophobic tunnels of the Dry Gutters. His heroic confidence defied the menace of the place as he cast an easy, glittering smile aside at the blue-robed man walking beside him, "Gutter bandits. Just like old times. Strange that the Mount would call upon me for such common thugs, but heroes always answer the call."

"T-these are no ordinary b-bandits like I said," Feodore Duskwink replied stuttering Mevuraishly, sweeping his torch this way and that, all tense and wound, sensitive nerves. "Th-the reports suggest they have strange powers r-relevant to my research."

"Of course," replied the legendary Elven hero, his cape and hair fluttering in the breeze, "Is that why we were up all night, working long and hard on that... certification?"

The Nadiri blushed to his ears, "A-among other reasons..."

Just then their comaradely banter was interrupted by a slow clap from the shadows! At first only the angry red tip of a glowing cigar was visible before a tall, broad-shouldered man in a long coat emerged, flanked by assorted and sundry lackeys. It was the Gutter Gods!

"We are the Gutter Gods." said the leader of the Gutter Gods, sucking greedily on his cigar before pursing his lips to blow and add, "I am the Baron Lodgemaster, and I've been waiting for you, Velan Volandis."

"Lodgemaster, eh? I've come to 'lodge' a complaint" Velan Volandis replied, then added with an impish, Elven grin, "But I won't say where I intend to lodge it." The Baron's blush matched the Nadiri's before he shook his head!

"You don't understand, Velan Volandis. We have mastered the Glooms! We are Gloom Gods now! And when we destroy you, Velan Volandis, our reputation will be sealed and the Well helpless before our might!"

"Please," chided the legendary Elven hero, "So, what? You'll breathe some fire at me? Maybe a ray of frost? You aren't the first Gloomed up miscreant I've thrashed and you won't be the last." Velan Volandis leveled his shining sword with a flourish.

The Baron's rugged smile was all teeth and promise as his skin took on a stoney cast, "I think you'll find us... stiffer competition." Then, all at once water began to drip from him! "Velan Volandis! Behold! I am DUAL GLOOMING!"

"H-he's DUAL GLOOMING!" shouted Feodor!

The Lodgemaster came for Velan Volandis, hard and wet. His stony blades accompanied by the crash of the waves with each strike, but the Legendary hero was indeed harder than stone himself and parried each blow with flawless Elven sword-and-shieldsmanship. His underlings tried to lend aid but found themselves casually dispatched in heroic form.

"Th-there is one thing you forgot, B-baron!" cried Feodore, "G-glooms cut two ways!" and with a flex of his fingers a great ash scavenger was conjured into being! "Duck, Velan Volandis!

With perfect co-ordination the lithe hero fell into a perfect split as the summoned avian disgorged a fusillade of rocks, water and bile over his head, inundating the Baron in fluids. "This is TERRIBLE!" he shouted, sputtering, "HOW? It's IMPOSSIBLE!"

"It's very possible," declared Velan Volandis as he sprung back to his feet with great agility, triumphant smile on lissome lips, "And you'd have known that if you had obtained basic Gloomology Certification!"

"CURSE YOU VELAN VOLANDIS!" howled the leader of the Gutter Gods manfully as he retreated into the gutters, his gang shattered around him, gagging and coughing, "I will get you next time!" as he threw something down and a blinding flash filled the tunnel. When vision returned, he was gone!

"Well," said Velan Volandis, sheathing his sword with a cocksure smile. "I think we showed them the ropes. Let us get out of here, for now."

"And we sh-showed them the importance of proper certification!" added the Nadiri.

"By the way, Feodore. I've always wondered. Do you stutter because Cosine makes you stutter as his apprentice?"

"Y-yes" the Nadiri confessed to the dashing Hero as they made their way back. "It's part of the training."

VELAN VOLANDIS and the LEGEND of VELAN VOLANDIS

By the time the Elven Hero, Velan Volandis, had tracked Constantin Diakos back to the war camp of the Silibant host, the terrible sun had begun to set, painting the horizon a lurid purpling red. At precipice of war the very air was turgid, swollen with portent.

Though surrounded by danger, Velan Volandis was never alone, having conscripted to his aid the forward skirmishing force of the Inquisition, led by the pious Salvatore. Having crossed paths the Elven Hero and the broad Oathsworn had come to close and manful understanding, both on the march and within the cool privacy of the tents.

"On the eve of battle, Velan Volandis." intoned the holy warrior, his voice a deep basso rumble, "We pay homage to the Wheel. The Mother keeps me well damp that the flames of evil cannot lick at my flesh. Tell me of the spoke you treasure."

"Well," chuckled Velan Volandis Velan Volandishly, "Everyone always wants a peek at my spoke. Same thing, same thing. Burn books, pour out water."

"Know this, Velan Volandis, though we have only just met. Know that the bonfires I light are but a flickering ember compared for the fire that burns for you in my heart."

"Wow." said Velan Volandis, trying discreetly to nod for the trumpeteer beyond the Oathsworn to hurry up and sound the call to battle.

Soon enough battle was indeed called and the skirmishers swept into the torpid silibant camp. Salvatore struck, penetrating deep and true into the confused and scattering Melek, Veland Volandis right behind him, thrusting this way and that. Sinews in sync, they cut their way through the host until, by a great catapult who did the legendary hero spy but Constantin Diakos!

Sweat beaded on the disgraced worm-legate as he flexed arms and legs to winch back the catapult in preparation for it to fire its load. A great flattened disc ready to be arced skyward toward some nefarious end. Diakos locked eyes with the dashing elf, his heart beating faster in his chest, "You came!" he cried!

"Don't read into it Diakos." quipped Velan Volandis as he darted through while Salvatore and his legios held the line for him. "Little far from the Well for siege engines, isn't it?"

With an expository sneer the fallen Legate replied, "Did you think we did not know about your plans to drop a giant rock on us? Behold! With my deflection disc we will DEFLECT this meteor from our camp... to your very Well!" Fists on muscular hips, Diakos threw his head back and laughed!

"We'll see about that!" and with a mighty tackle the lithe Elf found himself matching sword against spear in a deadly duelists dance of death atop the catapult with Constantin Diakos. Diakos handled his curved serpent spear with power and skill but Velan Volandis deflected every thrust with perfect Elven swordsmanship. Steel rang on steel until! An errant slice struck rope and the catapult fired! The pair stood on the disc as it flew up up up high into the air!

"This doesn't make any SENSE!" howled Diakos! "You're a JOKE you're a GIMMICK you're a FRAUD you should be DEAD!"

"That's the difference between you and me, Diakos." Velan's grin was boyish. Triumphant, "I waited my whole life to be a gimmick. You're just new to the game. You can't keep up. Dead, Diakos? I just tossed away the only part of me that was holding me back."

Diakos could only stand, transfixed, as they flew higher and higher.

"I'm a story now, Diakos. Do you hear them? Looking down on the page? Cheering me? Hanging on my every word? Jeering you? That's magic, Diakos. Look at you. What are you? A washed-up has-been beaten so hard in an election you went crawling to the Wyrm? Leading an army of monsters that will as soon eat you as serve you? You're the joke. How is this going to look when they pen the story of your life? Well take a look around."

Velan Volandis smiled, and leveled his sword at the man, stars twinkling about them in the darkening sky, "So come on, Diakos. Take your best shot. Do you think you can kill me now? You can't. Noone can. Imagine thinking a legend was something that could die."

"I'm not the Elf in your story, Diakos. You're the man in mine."

THE END

VELAN VOLANDIS and the ROCK of the BALLAD FEARS

The wind howled through the canyons, whipping the flapping cloak and flowing hair of the legendary Velan Volandis about heroically. As he knelt, inspecting the trail of the kidnappers he pursued his well-formed Elven ears pricked. "Now don't be shy, comrade. There's nothing wrong with being forward." a handsome smile in his voice.

With a weatherworn smile, a woman in black robes cinched tight about her waist emerged from behind an outcrop. Acolyte Amelie! "You wert always the only one I couldst never sneak up upon, O' Balladeer." she cast a wan look over the lithe form of the crouched Elf as he turned to look. With lidded eyes she offered a bottle toward Velan Volandis, "But, let us share a drink. We work the same goal and I wouldst appreciate thine... input in this most present affair."

Velan Volandis settled his twinkling eyes on the libation even as he inquired, "How did they catch Aubrey anyway?"

"It twas a devilish scheme, O' Velan Volandis. They didst send -invitation- under -pretense- that there was to be a grand convocation to speak at in the midst of the desert. When she didst appear she was so intent on lecturing the straw men set up by the villains she did not notice being tied up and taken away. I, too, have been stalking them to their lair..." the acolyte shifted her hood to better take in the dashing Elf as he put hand to chin in a striking display of erudition, eyes lingering over his heroic form.

"But, O' Hero may the Wyld keep thee in verdant heath.... wouldst thou hie away with me a moment" she gestured to the bushes, "and enjoy with me the verdure? I might see to the quenching of thy other thirsts", the acolyte drew up to the Elven Hero, face drifting near to his before at the last moment she turned aside, "Fie, but for my vows..."

Velan Volandis glanced to either side as the Kulamet drew back, "Well. That's fine too." and he deftly plucked the bottle from her hands. "Let's drink and walk."

The Cinquefoil duo made they way through canyons and stole atop the plateaus with the fluid grace of hunting cats. And what did they steal upon but a scene of incredible peril atop the rock of dread!

The villainous Najj-Ra and Sadiki stood over a bound Aubrey Demogogue who seemed oblivious yet and arguing with someone who was not there. And, who were the cultists speaking to but the traitor-Legate Constantin Daikos!

"You FOOLS!" screamed Daikos in a towering, manful rage causing the worm-cultists to cringe away from his bulging fury, "I told you to kidnap someone IMPORTANT!"

"Just because she isn't important," boomed Velan Volandis as he sprung into view, "does not mean we shan't rescue her, for that is what heroes do! Fear not Aubrey, you will live to vote for the Purple League once more!"

"Velan Volandis!" exclaimed Constantin Diakos, his eyes lighting up!

"Velan Volandisssss!" hissed Najj-Ra and Sadiki in terror!

"Yes! It is I, Velan Volandis! And I am not alone!" he grinned in Elf-esqe triumph.

With a feral cry, the Acolyte Amelie lunged from the sands, tackling Najj-Ra and the pair tumbled off in a lurid entangle. "I will ssshow you my ultimate power, Velan Volandisss!" shrieked Sadiki, "TRUE FORM! CHANGE!" and before the arresting eyes of the Elven hero the churlish charmer's once-human form twisted and lengthened as he was totally transmogrified! He had turned into a giant snake!

The triumphant baritone laugh of Constantin Diakos echoed through the plateaus as he swung his thick leg over the great serpent, mounting it bareback, his muscular thighs cinching him about the girthy trunk of the reptile. "At last, Velan Volandis, I will show you the incredible power of my snake!"

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" quipped the legendary hero, raising his shield as Constantin Diakos' serpent let spray a gobbet of warm venom, the hero deflected it easily before leaping to the side to lithely evade the followup bites and thrusts of the beast and its spear-wielding rider. "It'll take more than unhinging your jaw to swallow all of me!" he taunted manfully.

Meanwhile, it was a clash of sinew against bulk as the hulking Najj-ra and pantherlike Amelie matched spears in a clashing duel. "Thisss time, you will not essscape!" hissed the mad heirophantess, "Thisss time when I kill you, it will sssstick!"

"Stick, woudst it?" the acolyte inquired carewornishly, as she leapt back and wanly leveled her spear at the worm-priestess, "A most portentous choice of words, o' fiend!" and with a deft twist of her hands up the shaft of the spear a great white spatter of sticky webs disgorged from its tip, spraying over Najj-ra and catching her wholly off of guard! "It's in my eyes!" shrieked Najj-ra as she lost footing and tumbled over the nearby cliff.

"Holdst tightly, O' Hero! Let us seest how hard and firm the purchase of villainy is whenst slickened with righteousness!" shouted Amelie pentameterishly, striking the butt of her spear to the earth and summoning a tide of grease to wash over the serpentine melee between elf, man and snake.

"Oh noooo!" hissed the greatserpent as, enslickened, Diakos slid down his length and onto the oily earth, "Oh nooooo!" Sadiki thrashed uselessly in the oily grease, tumbling off the plateau in a panic!

Meanwhile, weapons cast aside in ardent fury, Constant Diakos and Velan Volandis grappled masculinely in the oil. Muscles like coiled pythons sought to wrap about the Elven hero but, slick and lissome, the Elf slipped from every grasp while landing blow after hard blow. Sending the disgraced ex-legate sprawling face first into the grease, Velan Volandis leapt upon him, hammering Diakos relentlessly from behind.

His advantage lost, Constantin Diakos let out a deep, conflicted growl, "Enough!" mustering the unholy strength of the worm he flexed his way out of Velan Volandis' cinch, "You haven't seen the last of me, Velan Volandis! Next time, we both finish... this." the former Legate jumped off the cliff onto the waiting back of his long-tailed wyvern mount which began to fly away, "FIND ME VELAN VOLANDIS! IF YOU DARE..." he shouted, before adding, so quiet only he- and the sharp eared Elven hero- could hear, "...please."

Meanwhile, Amelie had set to freeing Aubrey who refused to let the acolyte get a word in edgewise in her monologues "I am the VOICE of the LILY LEAGUE, dears! The very SOUL of the WHITE! This is why I canNOT vote for them!". The acolyte looked up as Velan Volandis approached, "Fear not, she dost always be like this. In some few days time she whilst pass out from thirst and we might tend her. Go, Velan Volandis. Only you canst make an end of Constantin Diakos!"

Nodding lithely, Velan Volandis replied, "Very well. See that she gets the proper care so she can vote for Sephidra again. I, Velan Volandis, must follow this fiend for the very fate of the Well hangs in the balance! Heroics wait for no Elf!" and with that the legendary hero leapt into sizzling hot pursuit!

TO BE CONCLUDED???

VELAN VOLANDIS and the STATUE of LAMENTATIONS

The Krak des Roses was all a bustle with the clanking of tankards and the gathering of adventurers. It was a press of people one could get lost in. A clamor in which one could be drowned out. And under the cover of such, a stout dwarf and a lithe, hooded elf had stolen off into a corner to speak at intimate distance.

"My, Kragg, you certainly have, erm, bulked up" came words as smooth and rich as the lips that parted to speak them, the lips of Velan Volandis- Legendary Elven Hero.

"Oi, kin, sorry about th'statue, aye?" rumbled the barrelsome dwarf Balistriere, "When I thought you were dead, I jus..." His one good eye lifted to meet the heroic gaze of the elf, "...seein' ye and never being able t'have ye..."

"Of course, yes." Velan Volandis smiled Elvishly. "Well, we have plenty of time to catch up now..." the lissome elf leaned toward the furnituresque dwarf. To whisper? To do something... more? It would be a mystery to endure for at that very moment, a gangling Elven woman cartwheeled in through the Rose Gate door, shrieking "Oh noooooo!" It was Sephdira!

"It's a DISASTER!" she yelled, tallishly. "Yomar is BACK and BIGGER than EVER!" as the elf ran around in circles flapping her arms, "He is terrorizing the people outside!" Kragg and Velan Volandis met eyes to eye and gave a firm, simpatico nod of muscular understanding, springing into action to rush toward the gate, "I'll be right behind you, eh?" quipped the handsome Elven hero. "Just like old times."

"Aye!" shouted Kragg a wry smirk a'twist beneath his great beard, before blinking his good eye as Sephidra began to run tallfully in the other direction away from the gate. "Ain't ye gonna help?"

"Oh, no sorry!" cried Sephidra over her shoulder, "I've boardwork to take care of. I'll just have to use the Coin Gate. Don't worry about me I'll find my way there I'm using a map."

"Well that's a valid use of time too." mumbled Velan Volandis. "I guess."

The bosom pair charged out the gate to a towering pointy-capped figure silhouetted by the hateful sun!

"STATEMENT OF SATISFACTION: AT LAST." boomed a mechanical voice, "ANNOUNCEMENT OF LONG AWAITED GOAL:THE DEATH OF VELAN VOLANDIS!"

The muscular form of the infamous gnome brooker towered some twenty feet tall, pointed hat shining with unholy energies and a thick greatrod held firm in his mighty grasp, tipped with a bulbous reptilian eye.

"Look out!" hissed a voice from cover. A dashing young Hin in scribe yellows called upon the attention of the intimate pair, "He has some sort of basilisk ray! He's turning people to stone!"

Forewarned, Velan Volandis leapt one way while Kragg Stonefury leapt the other with all the grace he was capable of. Which is to say he hopped a foot forward under his weight as Yomar leveled his wand and sprayed the Dwarf with petrifying serpentine goo.

"EXPLANATION OF PLAN: YOU WILL BE RENDERED A GARDEN OF STATUES FOR MY DJINN MASTERS. ADDITIONAL CLARIFICATION: THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS."

"Noooo!" howled the dwarf as he turned to stone, frozen as his hand reached out longingly toward Velan Volandis.

"That's not the way I like him hard," chided the legendary hero as he sprang and scrambled up the slick musculature of the freakishly huge and bulbous Gnome as it tried in vain to arrest his lithe, spiderlike climb.

"ALARMED EXCLAMATION: VELAN VOLANDIS GET OFF ME!" klaxoned the Gnome, "INADVERTENT DISCLOSURE OF WEAKNESS: AND DO NOT TOUCH MY ROD!"

Eyes twinkling, cloak and hair aflutter in the breeze Velan Volandis leapt nimbly onto the the arm of the giant Gnome "I'll deal with you." a pause, "But not in a pact kind of way" and brought his sword down on the rod, sliding the metal of his blade up along the shaft until it caught on the eye and slashed it open, petrifying ooze spraying in a wild arc to strike the djinn-cursed Gnome in the face. Immediately Yomar began to turn to stone and sink into the earth

"IMPOTENT PROMISE OF REVENGE: I WILL GET YOU ONE DAY, VELAN VOLANDIS! REPETITION FOR EMPHASIS: ONE DAY!!"

Alighting with Elvish grace as he leapt from the beast, Velan Volandis the Elven Hero was approched by the handsome Hin scribe who looked at the statue-dwarf, "Will he be alright, Velan Volandis?"

"Like all curses, it can be broken... with a kiss." explained the Elven hero knowledgishly, meeting the eyes of the scribe. Entranced, the Hin inquired, "Do you have to kiss... the statue? Or..." Velan Volanis returned a rakish smile and began to lean in to... reply?

Just then, a Balladeerish cry of alarm from within the Krak des Roses interrupted the moment, "Alarm! Alarm! Its Aubrey! She's missing!"

"Really?" muttered Velan Volandis to himself, "How can you tell..." the lithe hero wicked some goo from his blade. "Apologies! A... Recluta can deal with him." the Elf gestuerd to the statue heroically. "Once more into the breach!" and with a salute to scribe and stone dwarf he was off.

TO BE CONTINUED...

VELAN VOLANDIS and the PYRAMID SCHEME

"Thank you Velan Volandis," the Legate Marcellus intoned as he accepted the stolen Silibant plans from the Elven Hero. "for yet another invaluable act of heroism."

A charming smile danced across the face of the handsome elf as his hair seemed to sway even if they were indoors in the personal offices of the Legates. The lithe Elven hero and the muscular Legate clasped forearms manfully in a gesture of mutual, masculine respect.

"Excuse me," piped a shrill voice from down the table, "What was this all about? I haven't been able to attend meetings you see, dear other Legate. I've been rather indulgent at the falafel stand and gave myself quite the indigestion. And health comes before governance after all. One cannot do an allotment with a tummy ache."

Marcellus stroked his full flowing beard, his purple toga tight about his broad shoulders as Velan Volandis turned to look upon the Gold Legate, Qari. The Ashfolk's fabulous mustache slick with grease as he stuffed yet another souk treat into his mouth. The Elven Hero parted his lissome lips to respond when... AN ATTACK!

"Hsss! Death! To Marcellusssss and Velan Volandisssss!" shrieked the massive stonefolk form of Najj-Ra, the heirophantess of the worm-god.

The notorious Sadiki slithered himself out from behind a bookshelf "And Qari too, I guesssss"

With perfect Elven swordsmanship Velan Volandis swept into the fray. Though the siniister silibant serpentor Sadiki sent forth his legios of sadistic salivating snakes the Elven hero effortlessly hewed through them all while deflecting bolt after bolt of acid levied against him.

Meanstwhile with a masculine bellow, spear met spear as Legate Marcellus squared off with the infamous priestess. Sweat beaded on his brow as his muscles strained against his silks, filled with divine power. The pair circled, seeking an opening at which to lunge.

"Oh nooooo!" shrieked the Ashfolk as he dived beneath the desk "I am going to die, dear Marcellus, and history will remember me as the legate who perished and left a chef in charge! Velan Volandis save me!"

"Well, sure." replied Velan Volandis, "I guess." as he cut his way through the writhing serpentine mass, grabbing snake after snake in his firm grasp and tossing them aside, wading his way to the notorious snakecharmer. "I have a message for you to send to Diakos, serpent." and the Elven Hero lunged forward, slashing into the chest of the man, leaving "V V" written in blood. Sadiki shrieked in terror and exploded into a puff of snakes and smoke in flight.

Again and again Marcellus thrusted manfully, keeping the remaining villain at bay. Shortly, Velan Volandis leaped lithely into the melee and Najj-ra found herself hard pressed. "Curssssssse you Velan Volandisssss" she hissed and threw something to the ground. A blinding flash of light filled the room and the would-be assassin was gone.

"You saved us, Velan Volandis" Marcellus said in deep baritone, and clapped hand on the the legendary elf's slender shoulder, gripping it firmly. Velan Volandis met his eyes, rakish smile, replying as he began to lean in, "Well, you know I don't mind working up a sweat..."

The moment was interrupted by a sad 'poot' accompanied by an impotent puff of gold dust as, fumbling with falafel-grease stained fingers, Qari activated his little ring. Marcellus and Velan Volandis exchanged awkward glances for several beats before the Elven Hero interjected, "Well, I really should be after them.."

The legendary hero dashed out the door, past a handsome-yet-confused Hin scribe poised to knock, adding "Falafel isn't supposed to be made with meat, actually. You're eating fried dumplings"

TO BE CONTINUED...

VELAN VOLANDIS and the FLIGHT from the SERPENT'S BOUDOIR

Within the squat ruins of the tower repurposed into the command tent of his Silibant army, Constantine Diakos schemed and plotted. Around him in his garishly appointed chambers laid sprawled maps and scraps of intelligence all gained from his time as the Voice of the White. He wore his fine white toga even still, arms torn off an hem torn high about to reveal the glistening muscles of his biceps and thighs. Pinned to the wall of the place, though, one paper was his focus. The Mermaid's Tale- Tabbah 1st IY 7787

A dagger stuck through that handsome, smirking face, mocking him yet despite the headline telling of the legendary Elven hero's demise. The face of the great traitor of the Lily League was a twist of emotion, complex as he tried to untangle the knot of rage and regret in his voice as he contemplated the fate of the archnemesis of the Silibant Empire, Velan Volandis. Dead? Could it be so?

All at once he was jolted from his reverie by a cry of alarm as his Melek undersecretaries barged into the room crying "Disaster! Disaster!"

"You dare interrupt me?" sneered Diakos manfully, "What is the meaning of this!"

"The camp is infiltrated!" the lizards wailed, throwing themselves before the melon-calves of the ex-Legate, "An elf was seen setting fire to our potion crates!"

"FOOLS!" howled Diakos! "Then do not waste time here! Organize the camp! A tent by tent search!" and at that the scuttling silibants fled his magnetic presence. Diakos was once more alone in his tower bedroom... or was he?

"You always get so red in the face when you cry out" ...that voice!

Diakos whirled in place, toga-skirt a flare, to see... there in the window- the legendary Elven Hero- VELAN VOLANDIS! His heart skipped a hopeful, fearful beat.

Velan Volandis sprung into the room,"I told you in that closet, we had unfinished business." he smiled handsomely, dancing just out of reach as Diakos sought to grasp the lithe elven hero. "My, you always were handsy."

Diakos gave a howl of frustration as Velan Volandis leapt past, snatching the maps and plans off the desk of the disgraced Legate and Serpent Commander. "I'll be taking this."

A ring of steel on steel as Constantin brought to bear his curved serpent shaft spear, thrusting manfully to be deflected by the piercing blade of Velan Volandis. Blows exchanged and parried until faces were brought close in an intimate, deadly cinch.

"You're alive." Diakos hissed, tears in his eyes. "But that's impossible."

"Do you believe everything you read in the papers?" and Velan Volandis darted a kiss upon the Snake-Legate's lips. Diakos' eyes widened in surprise, his breath stolen by the gesture, then further stolen as the legendary Elven hero buried his foot into the man's stomach and sent him sprawling away.

A clattering of scales and claws announced the arrival of Diakos' honor guard and the Legate looked up to see Velan Volandis once more poised in the window, stolen plans in hand. "Apologies, Diakos. I have to get these to the Pyramid. Besides... you never really were my type? Anyway..." and he leapt out.

Diakos rushed to window but Velan Volandis, legendary Elven hero, was already gone. "Find him! SEIZE HIM!" he howled, veins bulging in his neck and arms! "Bring him to me... Velan Volandis must..." a single tear ran down Diakos' cheek, drifting off to a whisper "...be mine."

TO BE CONTINUED...

Oda really hoisted Jia by her own petard that one time.