The cover of this journal is made out of duir leather, dyed a shade of emerald green. An elaborate oak is engraved on the front, its seemingly endless branches forming a labyrinthine tangle of embossed and debossed contours. The text within is in Calishite Alzhedo, written in a style that is marked more by efficiency than aesthetic merit.
There are multiple long gaps between the dates contained within. Most of the entries seem rather repetitive, bearing the same subjects and the same fixations. Lengthy, detailed budgets, most of the costs going towards pipeweed. Lists of infatuations with men, most of them half-elves. Lists of finished books , most of them shoddy adventure novels. Some entries, however, do break this pattern.
Illul 2nd
Ephia's Well.
Got a job. Scribe. Nothing to do with dyes. Still a glorified clerk. Still tried to eavesdrop and report. Don't know how to do that proper when there's nobody telling me to. Nearly got beaten up. Nothing new.
Wage's shit. Extra work pays far better. Get paid for saying something. Get paid for saying nothing. Get paid for saying something in a specific manner. Love it.
Madame. Sir. Madame. Sir. Don't want to say it, but they expect it. Probably. Even if they don't, still feels wrong not to say it. Still hate it.
Court. Dead boss. Stele. Too many surprises in a row. Cried. After each fucking incident. Now they prepare for war. Probably end up crying on a battlefield. Or dying. More likely dying.
Made a friend. I think. Name's Adu. Don't know why anyone would trust me. Feels great anyhow. Respect him. Like him. He shared his past. Don't know how to share mine. Do I want to? He knew anyway.
Wish the memories would stop.
They never do.
Illul 6th
Confused. First the dwarf that I thought was 'brooking' wasn't doing it, then he is. Burned alive at his trial. Feel some blame. Don't feel much else.
Then they called on me as a witness for another trial. Amlak refusing to do her duty. Thought I was going to faint. Barely able to connect my thoughts. Then they tell me that I was the only witness worth a shit.
Praise is strange. More used to getting ink thrown at me.
New Legate is at least easy to work with. Reminds me of the old geezers in Fikra. Getting another Legate tomorrow. Three candidates. A man who bares his thighs for everyone to gawk at, someone who throws money everywhere for attention, some sort of cartographer who associates with gnomophobes... Neat.
I'm hoping for the cartographer. Especially since the big spender called me for a talk, asked who I voted for, then handed me a tiny sack of dinari after I said 'Sephidra'. I've seen such send-offs before. People receiving them usually end up disappearing. Just hope that they won't maim my face if he ends up winning.
Illul 7th
Kragg nearly broke my nose. Slammed the Legate's door right in fucking front of me. Thankfully just a minor bruise. He also smells like camel shit, so I'll have to ask the custodians to pay extra attention to that office.
Spendthrift Qari won the election. First meetings happened behind closed doors. Sure was a lot of Banda. Probably came to collect on debts owed. Again, Kragg was there, so that office has to be scrubbed as well. Thankfully the stuttering Apothar was right after, so he got his share of the funk. Hate that prick.
I'm going to try and focus on Marcellus. Qari's purse is probably slammed shut, considering his debt and my vote. Also don't really want to be around the Banda too much. And not just because of Kragg's awful, awful stench, either.
Illul 9th
Magistrate Blacke wanted to have a chat about my past. Not sure what her angle is, but considering her matron, I deemed it prudent to just tell the truth. Not the whole of it, of course. Vague truths will serve their purpose for now. Maybe I am acting according to Her tenets in doing so. Maybe her Lady grants her wonderful sleuthing powers, and she saw right through me. Who knows? All this talk of the Wheel gives me a headache, though. I just want to work. Or sleep. Belief does seem to give them some semblance of peace, however.
Someone handed me some dinari out of the blue. For doing a 'good job'. I've either been sleeping or working on camel statistics. The most fascinating duty of them all. Either she really likes camels, mistook me for someone else or wants me to do something later. I did need some new perfume, so thanks, I guess?
More nightmares this week. Herbal tea doesn't seem to help much. Hate it. The nightmares, not the tea. I think Martin has some bad dreams of his own, as well. Tosses and turns on occasion. Doesn't really surprise me. I hope that I don't mumble in my sleep. I wouldn't know. Don't really want to share my dreams with the other scribes. Don't really want to share anything about me.
This entry is markedly different from the ones preceding it. The writing has shifted from clerical efficiency to a crude display of emotion. Deep splotches of ink gather at the end of some words, as if the ones following them had required a great amount of consideration. The page is covered in fingerprints, painted with some sort of brown slurry. The stench of coffee and pipeweed is overbearing.
Illul 10th A dream A memory
Her office.
Duskwood furniture. Shades of black and gray, some hints of purple. She hates lighter hues. They give her a headache, supposedly. Bookcases line the walls, showcasing topics that she has no actual interest in. Paintings, statues, vases, all from cultures that she has never visited or even acquainted herself with. A display. A veneer. A facade.
They sit at her desk. Her and the man from Turmish. He has a scraggly black beard, covered in occasional patches of gray. Far more notable, however, are his tattoos. Animals by the dozen, all of them predators. Cheetahs, hyenas, fossae.
Despite his ink, he is the prey here. The usual negotiations are going on. She makes promises, most of which she knows that she cannot fulfill. It does not matter. Payment in advance. Small print. Friends at court. Everything has been planned for.
Where does she find these fools? This one seems particularly naive. No matter how outrageous the claim is, he buys it. Nobody could possibly be this stupid. Maybe he is running a con of his own. Maybe he isn't the prey after all.
Suddenly, the man is staring at me. He praises my work. Surely such a dedicated assistant must bring honor to her house? She nods, a bit surprised at the interjection. An elaborate tale follows, one where opportune circumstances allowed her to hire my services, despite many competing offers.
The tale excites him. Another question follows, this time meant for me. Surely I must be overjoyed to have such a loving pasha?
I look up from my notes. Expectant gazes await my answer. In her eyes, however, the intention is far more demanding. She wants a specific answer.
"I am, sir. Madame treats me like a member of the family."
Illul 11th
Aaisha got a promotion. Deputy Chief Scribe. Good for her, she deserves it. Wish I could memorize as much of the law as she has, as it would make my abrupt appearances at court go much smoother. Don't want any promotions myself, I'd hate the responsibility. I'm just fine counting camels and selling licenses. Well, I'm not, but it pays the bills and keeps the attention off me. Could use new sources of dinari, though. I've only five different outfits, and I need at least twice as much.
Adu's intuitions are starting to get creepy. Or maybe my lack of proper sleep is getting too obvious. Either way I've seen him with that Stern woman so often that I don't want to talk too much about my dreams to him. Those Astronomers probably have like, a wand that eats dreams, and then makes them a reality, or something. Or maybe they'll just blackmail me. I'm a terrible friend.
The Inquisitor doesn't know where to buy bread. I guess he bums his from the Temple? Is their bread really, really wet? If he baked it himself, would he burn it out of habit? Does he hate recipe books?
Looking over what I just wrote, it really is obvious that I need more sleep. Who gives a shit about the Inquisitor and his bread?
Illul 12th
It's so hot that I've been cooped up inside the office for what seems like an eternity. Thought I saw the Sultan's statue moving, but it was Martin folding some uniforms. At least the statue coming to life would have been interesting. Martin's folding just makes the room smell of even more sweat. Isn't he washing them?
I was thinking of listing all the eligible bachelors in the Well.
I was, but then I realized that all the men I can think of here are either ugly, have no sense of hygiene, or they're adventurers. There is a strong correlation between these three traits, it seems.
The ones lacking those flaws tend to be poets. Who wants a poet for a husband? You're sharing what seems like a moment of poignant quietude, but then they start yammering about the splendor of the kingfisher. If you're going to force me to listen to your dreadful poetry, at least make them about me. Without comparing me to a bird. Being likened to something that pukes refuse into its offspring's maw is not a compliment.
Even if they were more sensible, they'd still be destitute. Guess I should abandon all aspirations about marrying rich.
Illul 13th
Now they want us to buy baublium from these people. I don't even know what the stuff is, really. It's used to maintain the Shade somehow, but I don't know the details. Don't really care enough to go to the Mount and ask, as the Astronomers are creepy enough down here. I hope the compensation for the work is good, because these idiots are going to be haggling for, I don't know, 100 dinari a piece. I'm just going to walk away if they do that.
I think I made the Inquisitor angry. I simply wished to know if anyone in the Krak had some baublium. He got real creepy, got down on his knee, and whispered something about everyone being able to tell. Tell what? I hope he meant the baublium drive. I really do. If it was about my name or something else like that then I'm going to be hyperventilating again and I don't want that to happen because I'm having a hard enough time and if I can't focus on my work then I don't have anything else and I just don't know what to do if that happens because it's all I have and then everyone will know and I will have to move to Qadira or something and I don't want to do that because I can't stand the ocean or pirates and everyone will talk behind my back and then
Smoke break helped. I'm sure he meant the baublium. Either way he's been odder than usual lately. Which is quite the achievement.
Someone tried to pull the old beggar trick on me. The thing with it is that if you have a partner for your scheme, then you don't have them immediately walk in with your tragic backstory after you ask for alms. Have some restraint. Swindler was dedicated to his role though, must've gone swimming in the gutters to acquire that rotten carcass smell. And the flies.
Thankfully I don't have to stoop so low. Instead, I'll be recording the thousand complaints that these dullards will indubitably be spewing out at the Assembly and Council. At least I won't be wading through literal excrement.
Illul 14th
All mentions of the gnomish brooker's name are to be expunged from the records. I was not sure if I should just cover them with ink, or have the original paper replaced and shredded. Ink will do for now. I am sure lady Gellema will be overjoyed by such efforts, as much as Izdu will curse me for pursuing them. Can't please the entirety of the Wheel no matter what I do.
Also, there is a giant rat, or wererat, or ratman, whatever, living in the pipes of the fountain on the ground floor. I am supposed to throw falafels at it to calm its demeanor. As if my previous duties were not inane enough already. Food is to be shared with friends, not with animals that smear their piss all over the place every time they move. Disgusting.
The gutters also have an infestation of disembodied hands, supposedly. I hope one of those doesn't crawl up the pipes and choke me to death in my sleep. Would a torc protect me from such an attempt? Perhaps a spikier design would do so quite adequately. Quite gaudy, though. Staying alive or staying fashionable? What a deadly conundrum.
There was a moteist rally, which I obviously did not attend, even to gawk, as I find the whole affair repugnant. Also the fervent prejudice at display would surely have had some mistaking me for a gnome. My complete disinterest towards adventuring already has some of the newer refugees confused. If one has no interest in skulking around in a goblin's lavatory, then one is surely of the Ashfolk, according to them. What foolishness.
Looking all of this over, it seems that this day was most selcouth. What a beautiful word. Too pretty and highbrow for these events, though. I should just describe today as "fucking weird", instead. Much more fitting.
Second memory
The balcony.
The setting sun casts long shadows against the sandstone. Her gaunt figure reclines against the chaise longue, surrounded by multiple pillows. She has not eaten all day. Below her graying hair, her right hand attempts to offer some shade for her eyes.
In her left hand, a bottle of whiskey. Luiren Rivengut, to be exact. "The only good thing you hin bastards ever came up with," according to her. She has most likely been intoxicated for several hours. The usual outcome following a failed business affair.
I ask if she requires anything else for the remainder of the evening. She coughs, some of the whiskey splattering onto her evening gown. The cough is followed by her usual barbs and taunts, mocking my pronunciation of "madame". She, once again, reminds me of how much she regrets that she did not purchase the half-elf that she was originally considering. "Much prettier than you," she yells.
I do not give her the pleasure of responding to her insults, merely bidding her good evening. She is disappointed. She nearly tosses the bottle at me, only stopping at the very last moment, perhaps only because its contents are dearer to her than seeing me in pain. As I leave, her hoarse voice echoes after me, threatening to sell me to be part of a jhasinnadah.
I shiver.
Illul 17th
Sitting at the Palm Heights fountain. Cozy. Pity my salary will never be enough to get an apartment here.
War council was an utter embarassment. People repeating the same shit over and over again, pantsless Etch suggesting that we make friends with orcs... Magistrate Blacke at least had ideas in the right direction, as we should be fooling those orcs into focusing their fight against the other forces. I do have to add that the woman has immaculate fashion sense. I would ask for her tailor, but again, I probably can't afford their services.
The worst thing? Some vagrants picked the lock to the chamber, and unbalanced the door mechanism. It's still broken. Thankfully they did not make it very far inside. The custodians are overworked enough already. I am sure that the idiots would have suggested us to make use of their terrible body odor and personal collection of flies in the forthcoming battles. Perhaps such a combination would actually strike fear into the hearts of the sibilants.
Stern made a startling revelation. The baublium I've been carrying could explode. "Theoretically". Theoretically I could get shanked while shopping at the Souk. Always a chance. She gave me a container to hold the stuff in. Surprisingly nice of her. The mechanism for it is so complicated that I'm probably going to mess up and end up creating a makeshift explosive. Hopefully there'll be someone unpleasant to throw it at when that inevitably happens.
Playing censor has been surprisingly entertaining. Which means that I'll never be assigned to this duty again. Shame. People still say the gnome's name too often, though. Can't throw ink at people's memories, unfortunately. Still can talk them out of it if it's private enough. Probably won't entirely stop all incidents from occurring, but at least it'll keep the Well safer.
They use that safety for the strangest of purposes, though. At the Krak, they were measuring manhoods. I certainly hope that they were speaking of conceptual manhood. But because this is Ephia's well, it is sure to be the worst possible option, and the next assembly will have someone demanding that such measurements are added to the public record for everyone to gawk at. Fantastic.
Illul 18th
Today, nearly nothing happened, so I'm kind of just throwing scraps at this page to sate my appetite for writing.
A lady wanted to know if her pack tortoise needed a license. Why not use a camel instead? She seems to be some sort of exorcist, and that animal's carrying her tools. So... Holy water? Aspergilla? Scripture? I can only wager guesses. Anyway, don't need a license for that. Don't think I would even make money off such a license, as people would probably just chase me off if I tried to tell them that their parakeet is unlicensed.
The infamous Mote talked to me. She wanted to say hello. I'm not used to that, people wanting to talk to me outside of business. I wish I was. She's surprisingly nice when she's not yelling about conspiracies. She did buy a license as well. Then Marcellus committed her name to the Stele, alongside other Torchbearers. Thought that big ball of slab was going to explode. It didn't. I also learned that Snorri pays tens of thousands of dinari on potions alone. Pity I've no talent for brewing. Could buy the entire town if you monopolized that racket.
Nearly a month here and the dreams aren't getting any better. Worse, in fact. Well, blurting them out in this book seems to stop particular ones from repeating. I don't really understand how that works. Don't care to ask anyone either. All I have left of the pasha is some heavy baggage and this damn book. Don't even remember if she gave it to me, or if I stole it. Probably the latter. Has the symbol of house Khatara on it, so it's definitely from her, though. Why can't nobles have more imagination when it comes to heraldry? Thousands of trees, lions, falcons... Can barely tell them apart. Fitting, really.
Illul 19th
Why does the Baublium Drive have to grow more convoluted with each passing day? Now the Banda are paying for the stuff as well. Far more than us, too. I expect that by tomorrow, they'll be joined by the Torchbearers, the League of White and the Office of Minor Nuisances, with each of them paying differing prices. Nothing can ever be simple in this town. Thankfully I do not have to do the paperwork for any of them.
Each time Mevura visits the Legate, I'm either kicked out of the office, or not let inside in the first place. On some level, I do understand why, but it is still extremely irritating. In the end, they do not seem to be very good at hiding their secrets anyhow. There's been several times where I've gone for a smoke, or fetched some coffee, and I find myself smack-dab in the middle of some discussion about djinni, true names and what have you. Also, some dickweed of a student of theirs was experimenting with some form of cloning spell... At the Krak. To be honest, I'd prefer if these so-called secrets were not thrown at me at every turn. It is getting tiresome.
Lady Shabani seems to be quite impressed with my work. While I am very fond of the woman, I have no idea why she – or anyone else – would be impressed with me. At times it feels like I'm working efficiently simply because doing such gives me more time to sleep, eat and read. I don't really have much else. What a depressing statement. At any rate, she thinks that I deserve a promotion, and should take initiative in pursuing it. While the dinari would undoubtedly be nice, I would just embarass myself, like always. "You want a promotion? Get the fuck out of here!" Actually, hearing that from Marcellus would be amusing, at the very least... Nah.
Third memory
Oak galls.
The ornamental bowl is full of them. Dozens of ugly brownish lumps, stacked upon each other in a haphazard fashion.
She had asked me to move the bowl. A guest had almost eaten one, mistaking them for unripe pomegranates. How? Why? Who eats unripe pomegranates? A menial task, thrown at me, due to the stupidity of others. It is nothing new.
I hold on to the bowl with a tense grip, searching for a spot where it can be easily seen, yet where it is also obvious that the galls are meant to be decorative. I do not wish to drop the bowl. I really do not.
Yet the carpet has buckled, and I trip on the ripple.
The bowl slips from my grip, and the galls fly off into different directions, rolling across the carpet. I study the room anxiously. The bowl is fine. The galls are fine. The carpet is fine. I sigh out of relief.
Footsteps. The sound of slippers against hardwood.
I get on my knees, pick up the bowl and start gathering the galls. I intend to gather them all before she can arrive. I do not manage. I can already see the hem of her black dress when barely half of the lumps are back in the bowl.
She stands next to me, easily towering over my small figure. She crouches, and places her hand on the back of my neck. I glance towards her aged face. She is smiling. Her smile is almost affirming, her touch almost caring. Almost.
Yet her grip soon tightens, and her smile intensifies to a morbid grin, displaying her yellowed teeth.
She slams my face against the bowl.
She says nothing.
She keeps pushing.
She does not stop.
Illul 20th I got a raise! It isn't very much, but at least it's something. Being paid for my work in general is an improvement compared to the past. Now to ponder what I should be spending it on.
- A more complex perfume. One with so many subtle layers that it shall have everyone wondering its contents. How many perfumers are there in the Well?
- More judicial tomes. I hate the prospect of advocating, but I should prepare for it anyway. They're far heavier than my novels. I hate carrying them.
- More novels. The last one I read was terrible, but at least the author had a talent for describing musculature. Can you really have twelve abdominals, though?
- Silk robes to sleep in. Sleeping in my uniform is quite uncomfortable.
- More dinari towards the home fund. It'll still take a year at least. Worth waiting for?
I am actually very surprised that Qari argued that both Aaisha and I should get a raise. Maybe he isn't that bad after all. Maybe he expects loyalty. Either way, the dinari is nice.
The monk Karai asked if he should join us Scribes. I hope that he does. Though I do wish that he does not practise his Miserable Toad style inside the offices, if he does. The stench is quite horrid. The concoction also made me see colors that I have never seen before. Am I color blind, and the poisonous vapors momentarily fixed it? Or was it a mere hallucination? How strange.
Illul 21st
Karai has joined our ranks. I am enthusiastic to work alongside him, even though it is quite strange to have a colleague come to work with a bloodied face. Not entirely new, though... No matter, he seems quite diligent, and I am certain that he shall learn the more subtle parts of our work quickly. I've considered writing some form of primer for newer hires, as certain aspects of our work get lost between the cracks. As an aside, it is good to have someone who can handle themselves in a fight. Unruly petitioners shouldn't be handled by someone like Martin.
It is becoming quite evident that if I wish to progress as a Scribe, I shall have to to form some sort of personal office. I've no idea what I would focus on. Do I need dinari so badly that I am ready to assume some personal responsibility? Perhaps. Aaisha suggested that I should perhaps assume the census office from one of my predecessors, but I would be quite uncomfortable doing so, if they were to be discovered alive. I imagine that they would be quite angry to see their work taken over by a stranger. Whatever my office ends up being, it should be something that seems innocuous to the public, yet offers plenty of opportunities for information gathering.
On to completely different subjects... The Twindari priest, Hekatomb, is quite a strange man. I wonder what he looks like under the skull mask? Perhaps if it were to be removed, we would discover that he was a skeleton all along? A convenient disguise. In any case, he certainly has a very direct manner of delivering his sermons. And his message seems far more grounded in reality than the utopian prattle that some espouse... Yet I seem far too young to join their church. Which spoke carries the most young bachelors? Never mind, church seems like the absolute worst place to meet men.
The writing of this entry is just barely legible, an assorted mess of scribbles and hurried scratches. The usual ash and coffee stains characterizing these types of entries are now accompanied by blots of a blue liquid.Fourth memory stop itThe
basement.
Blood on my palms.
Blood on my face. My own?
Ten lit candles.
stop it A large candle surrounded by nine smaller ones.
A shrill pulse with
no identifiable source.
She stands
before a stone slab.
She raises the
jambiya wit
h two hands.
She plu
nges it down.
An
please stop it interruption.
Expl
osion. Upstairs.
I
fall to my knees.
stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop stop it stop it stop it
stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it it stop it stop it
Illul 24th
Found myself in the home of a complete stranger. Wild night, it seems, based merely on the fact that I woke up surrounded by bottles of wine and half-naked bodies. Well, some of them were only half-naked... Think there was some slice spice too. More than some... Think I might have fucked up. Again...
Looking over the previous entry provides some hints of why I did what I did. Scrawlings of a madman. Fantastic. Booze and spice must've hammered my head just enough, because I'm not really that worried. Feel like moving on. Vomit washes off easier than vice, however. Thankfully I wasn't wearing my uniform.
Headache's killing me, though. Sun hasn't ever felt as hateful as it does today. Maybe splashing some water on my face will help...
Nope, didn't help. And now my kohl is ruined... I'm going to blast a damp towel with a wand of frost and throw it over my head.
Illul 25th
Some people are always yammering about how you should confront your fears. Those people are utter idiots. Or maybe I am, for walking into Blacke's ritual, so soon after that fucking nightmare. Thought it was going to make me feel more comfortable around blood, but it didn't. Couldn't even look at her, or the bison, or anyone else in the room, just got the bloody dabbing done, walked off, nearly fainted at the Palatial's stairs, then puked inside one of the flower pots.
Maybe the ritual will keep me hidden during the war. I hope so. I want to find a cozy closet somewhere in the Pyramid, and hide inside all day long, reading these new stories about Velan Volandis. Whoever's writing them is a genius. I'm starting to see why Velan is so popular. I am also intrigued by the mysterious hin scribe. What are they so confused about? I simply must know more.
Marcellus wants to hunt for a groknak's skull. I think I know why. Doesn't matter though, I'll probably get told why as if I didn't know, anyway. What does a groknak's skull look like? All encrusted with gemstones that they happened to eat? Fancy. His announcement made the Stonefolk angry, and now Agu wants to find a groknak's carcass so one doesn't have to be killed. Kind of naive, that one, but at least he's nice. Maybe if I was naive, people would like me.
Nah, I'd still be an annoying bitch.
Illul 26th
One of the Nadiri booked an appointment one month in advance. Really wanted that specific date, due to some vague notions about population, and the present state of it being unsuitable. If I understood anything at all correctly. Diviners are a strange lot. I'm pretty sure that one of the requirements for joining the stargazers is to have a debilitating scorch addiction.
I'm no seer, but I'll use my powers of abductive reasoning to predict what shall happen at the assembly. Someone will walk out of offence at the allotment's size – most likely an Astronomer. Someone will ask repetitive questions, ignoring previous answers. At least two people shall be kicked out of the chamber due to constantly interrupting the proceedings. Many people will complain about the briefness of the assembly. Someone will suggest that we send a letter to Diakos' grandmother, so that she can scold him in order to stop this war from happening. A traveling circus will break inside the chamber, and ask if their elephant can use it as its personal lavatory.
On a more serious note, I lit a candle at the scene of the incident. Didn't really know her that well, in the end, but might as well do something. It's been a month. Is one month enough to engage in reminiscing? I wouldn't know. Never had anyone I even slightly cared for die. At least I don't remember. Don't remember much beyond the pasha, actually. Did I have a mother, or did I just pop into existence due to a wish granted by a djinn? "Here's your beautiful adult son... The catch is that they're an asshole with crippling anxiety!"
I need a smoke. What else... I spoke with Guivarch, one of the more moderate League of White members. Or rather he spoke with me. Attempted to ingratiate himself with me and the Scribes, to be even more specific... A bunch of exaggerations. Despite this, I did promise that we could talk in the future... In the end, perhaps I am very much like a cat, fond of the tone of a compliment rather than its actual content. Alarming.
Oh, and Karai quit. That was fast. So sudden that I don't have much to say. I'll miss him? The sun will go out before I will.
Illul 27th
I forgot to pack some coffee for the Assembly and Allotment, and I nearly fell asleep. Felt like an entire day had passed by when it ended. I wish the Astronomers were represented by Stern instead of Azimi. I am certainly glad that she barely comes out of that tower of theirs. Could stay there for all eternity, for all I care. What an insufferable bitch. Takes one to know one, I suppose...
Out of the proposed laws, I liked two and a half. Domhnall's law made perfect sense to me, though I would prefer if slavers were left in the Wastes, and covered in honey, to be eaten by giant ants. Are there giant ants out there? I would not know, I never leave the walls. Al-Hayim's law made sense as far as shrines go, the other part was filled with giant loopholes. Stern's suggestion was already under work, so common is the hatred for brookers. As for the Lyrist's suggestion... I am certain that the folk of the Well would simply love to review "art" regurgitated by some errant poet. If the Balladeers are to drown us in paper, at least have it be copies of "Velan Volandis and the Flight From the Serpent's Boudoir".
Madame Nasreen gave me quite the idea. And I do mean that she gave it to me. When was the last time I had one of my own? No matter, the idea is so grand that I can only hope that it bears fruit. If it doesn't, I'll just be skulking around, making notes of the dust gathering inside the Pyramid. Qari's campaign sign can barely be seen from under all those dust bunnies. Maybe I can sell it to a collector after a century passes.
When I was younger, I thought that dust bunnies were actual, living creatures, perhaps related to dust mephits in some form.
When I was younger, I was extremely stupid.
Illul 28th
The Well certainly has a lot of animals living in it. The color shifting bat living in the Krak's rafters... The falafel loving rat in the Pyramid's pipes... The exorcist's pack tortoise, Walnut... Marcellus' newly acquired pet crow... The camels at the Gate of Coin... There was a draconic sorceress with a parrot for a familiar... Considering she seemingly could only transform into a parrot, I do wonder if she was more avian than draconic, in the end. Sorcerers get their powers from the strangest of bloodlines.
That sorceress has left, and so have many other people. For many, the Well is a fine place to visit, but not a locale to make one's permanent home. I haven't seen Adu in ages. Where did he go? As much as I hated Horsk's signs, I kind of miss her too, in some strange way. Multiple refugees come and go, running first to the boards, then away from the Well when they get bored.
It's hard to build relationships when you're afraid that people will just end up leaving you. Moments can carry meaning, yes, but when they are as short as they can be, then what is the point of it all? The only lesson in such seems to be that life is fleeting and meaningless. How dreary.
As for the oncoming battles... Well, if I accompany Marcellus as part of his entourage, I am most likely going to die. If I stay behind, I am going to be stuck writing obituaries for the next two weeks, at the very least. And I'll be forced to listen to the taunts and jeers of idiots, most likely folk who weren't there either... Or people who think that downing an invisibility concoction and merely standing behind everyone qualifies as participating. What do they want me to do, poke the sibilants' eyes out with my quill? Maybe I should be writing my will, just in case...
Fifth memory
The Khatara estate.
Corpses decorate the corridor. Smoke and debris. Ash and blood. The stench of charred flesh nearly has me vomiting.
I cannot control my breathing. Every gasp is like a kick to the lungs. My vision is blurry, my focus completely gone.
A hand grabs me. I do not care. If I am to die here, then so be it.
Yet the hand, adorned with familiar looking tattoos, merely guides me outside.
The man speaks, though for the most part I can only comprehend his affectionate tone. A coin pouch is handed to me, along with assurance that someone will come for me soon.
A promise that is never fulfilled.
Illul 30th
Had company for the night. Told him my name was Timur. Didn't buy it, got offended. Better this way. Don't want anyone waiting for me to come back, because it isn't very likely. But there are people doing that, aren't there...
Never was good with fake names. Still should've done more than just dropped the "adh". But when they asked for a name, I couldn't really come up with anything else than what I'm used to. Stupid. Despite my stupidity, I am lucky enough that nobody here seems to be from Calimshan, or if they are, they don't remember. "Khatara? The devil worshippers? Yeah, I bought ink from you once. Now let me report you to the Fourth..."
Will's written. Don't know who I should hand it to. Martin? He'll just lose it. Frederica? She didn't even want me to go in the first place. How many promises am I keeping and how many am I breaking? Can I still run away? Maybe Marcellus forgot about something important, and he'll immediately send me back to the Well, along with three strapping Janissaries...
As for this journal... I was thinking of burning it, but I thought it'd be more entertaining if some scholar finds it and tries his best to translate a language that he's never heard of. Then he finds out that it's just full of gossip and depressing dreams. I hope I come back as a ghost to see that. Maybe then Strider can get at least one worthy job...
Well, time to start making some last preparations... If I do make it back, I'm going to snort all the slice spice that there is to be found in the Well. Something to look forward to.
Illul 31st
I'm alive. Feels strange. Is this what freedom feels like? Probably not.
I really am a coward. I kept thinking that I'd be able to deliver at least one important message, but then I was simply stunned by the weight of it all... The fact that I didn't have any clue where anything was in that place didn't help either. I just took notes, of speeches. Highly important. Couldn't even keep up with the dead, before someone else's yelling their names in town... Starting to feel really useless. I feel like sticking to licenses and licenses only, but I made some steps – as vague as they might be – towards my office, so I guess I'm committed to that.
Why did it have to be blood? Can't stars contain... I don't know what they're supposed to contain, but it shouldn't be blood. I vomited the entirety of my meal... which, granted, was only one of Mro Po's salads, but... Still. Thankfully there weren't many around to see that. I kind of don't remember what happened after that, but that giant of a... person... flew the coop, and suddenly we're taking refugees back to the Well. Glad that cup is gone. Throw it in the sea for all I care, those lizards can look for it there at their leisure.
Might as well write about other people, who gives a shit about my meager issues... I'm going to miss Snorri a lot. He's one of the reasons why I didn't just quit after having so many setbacks in a row. He kept complimenting my work, even when I was just improvising... And he was always helping everyone else too. And to think that the day before the battle, we were attending the gloomology lecture. I hate this. I hate losing people that I like.
Who else? Didn't agree about much with Echemmon, but he was a brave man, and had a wit that I often envied. Bruno and the Mermaid's Tale will be sorely missed... Easily the most entertaining thing to read in the Well. And Inquisitor Salvatore... The books of the Well might be safer, but the people certainly aren't. Brookers and cultists are going to have more breathing room, which is never a good thing.
I don't like writing about people in the past tense.
Also, turns out that slice spice is surprisingly expensive.
Qdim 1stI am glad that most Ashfolk seem to be capable dancers. If I could not dance after my duties, I would lose my sanity, slowly but surely. Even when they aren't skillful, the pain caused by your partner stepping on your toes is far lesser than that caused by tall-folk... Finding a husband sure carries many pains, towards both the body and the soul. What pompous nonsense. Should've just written "finding a husband is a pain in the ass". In more ways than one...
I had some samples done.
Quote from: Three attached papersOffice of Current Affairs
Office of Current Affairs
Office of Current Affairs
I think I like the second typeface best, but I am not sure if it's "official" enough. Now to actually discuss this with someone. I wonder if I can charge for this? Would certainly help the treasury a little bit. And my home fund, of course.
Should also prepare for travel, once again, I suppose. Can't miss free entertainment when it's available, and that tournament in Kha'esh is sure to be entertaining. Maybe a little too much blood for my tastes, however. They should just wrestle. Now that would be grand.
Qdim 2nd
Remembered that I was still a member of the Gold. Promptly had my name removed from the roster. Considering recent events, I want to be nowhere near them. The only reason I joined in the first place was because Gers was throwing huge sums of dinari around during the election. Partially paid for my Voice. None of these Leagues interest me, really. White might be helping the refugees on some level, but in the end it all seems like a political ploy, rather than actual compassion. I suppose that the Purple would be quiet enough, and might help me on the road to Baz'eel...
Interviews are difficult. I'd prefer if I could just spectate and write about the observations, like I do with this journal. Maybe one interview per month, or even less, might be fine after I get done with these. I would very much like to avoid any activity that brings any extraneous attention to myself.
Nasreen might have found her chef, finally. Strange man, but he seems to have some talent. More nervous than me, though, and he has a soft spot for mice. I guess a mouse makes for a good taste tester... Though I hope that he never admits that. "Lady Shabani, my pet mouse found this dish delectable, so I am certain that you shall as well."
I wonder if they would allow me to wear a scarf with my uniform? Silk damask... Black or gold... Perhaps a floral pattern... If I could only find such in the first place. A Scribe must look presentable, after all. Maybe I can convince them of such.
Also... I want a cat. Maybe I should just rent a room from the Krak and keep it there. There's plenty of alley cats... I want a kitten though, so I can raise them myself. Maybe someone's selling them.
My mind really does wander when I haven't smoked.
Qdim 3rd
The Stonefolk sculptor, Zaraq, claims that boulders can speak. I haven't heard many metaphors from Stonefolk, so perhaps he was quite literal... He also told me that Stonefolk come from boulders. I wonder if that's a jape that the Stonefolk play on outlanders? Perhaps I should talk to one of those talesingers, they might have a song explaining this... Anyway, if boulders could actually speak, I can't see that making a sculptor's job any easier. Imagine all that screaming.
Screaming.
The screams, the blood, the ash, the maimed bodies, the wounded stares.
I'm used to pretending that I'm fine to others. I'm not used to the act convincing myself.
I know that I helped in getting that device working.
It saved the day. Supposedly.
Did it curse the future?
Did I collect all the baublium I could have? If I collected more, could some deaths have been prevented? Or would that just have caused another Ringfall?
If I feel this awful for merely being an ancillary collaborator, Stern's entire existence must feel like pure, condensed loathing.
I always fuck up. Even when I'm just trying to help.
Especially when I'm just trying to help.
Qdim 4th
I wish I could say that funerals always make me cry, but this was the first time I've ever done so. As far as I can recall, anyway. The first funeral that I can remember was for the pasha's mother, Zhaleh. Didn't even feel a hint of sadness at that one. Not because she was particularly horrible, no. She just was an almost literal shell of a woman, bedridden for multiple years. Could only speak in whispers that barely anyone could understand. Quite suitable for a family of ravenous dogs, as one could just claim that she had made lavish promises in that state. Lots of fighting over such claims.
I do have some vague memories of her before that state. I think she thought that I was a human child during a dinner. Was that more embarassing for me or her? Me, most likely... Though admittedly I remember being quite young during that. The pasha kept bringing me to these family gatherings, mostly to take notes, but I can't fathom why she brought me to any dinners...
That dinner wasn't nearly as awkward as the meeting today, though. I wish I could do something to restore even a semblance of respect between Aaisha and Marcellus, but... I can't even get alley cats to stop fighting each other. Which I've tried. On multiple occasions. Those two are too bullheaded. If you gave them a camel on a rope and told them to take it to the Gate of Coin together, they'd pull in different directions so hard that the camel would explode.
A Memory of Zhaleh: Dog Eat Dog
The balcony.
Zhaleh's rocking chair sways back and forth.
I am reading to her from a book. One of her old favorites. A story about a djinni falling in love with a young human maiden.
She strokes my hair with surprising affection. A quality that her daughter utterly lacks.
In the alley across from us, street dogs fight over scraps. She can't see them, but she can hear them.
"It's a dog eat dog world out there, Bashir!"
Her interjection is followed by a slap of her knee, as she cackles like a witch.
I continue reading, unsure if I should be afraid or amused.
Qdim 6th
I wish Azimi would stay the fuck away from me. I wish I had a better head for alcohol. I wish I wasn't constantly afraid of being fired for minor mistakes. I wish I could meet some aristocrat from Baz'eel and run away with him. I wish my lungs didn't feel like they're going to choke each other.
Now that the hyperventilation is over with, back to a more grounded reality. I got a letter of commendation from Frederica. I would've been fine with just a regular letter, but the seal on it is enchanted with a variety of spells. Having such a tool in the form of a letter will certainly be useful. They'll think that I'm just reading something related to whatever's going on, and then I'll disappear into thin air and just walk away. Probably shouldn't do that with clients, however...
I hate to write more about Azimi, but I simply have to so I can get her irritating cacophony out of my mind... She is like a manifestation of projection. Every single accusation that she throws at others would better describe herself. If she loves the sound of her own voice, then it truly is only the sound, as she does not seem to listen to the regurgitated content at all. In the future, she is to be serviced like the nuisance she is... As efficiently as possible, so that she does not disturb the premises any longer than necessary.
Helping Zain with his research was a delight, however. He seems sweet, and very diligent. Whereas I mostly work to distract myself, he seems to genuinely enjoy his labor. I did question that, at first, but I've met others like him in the past. Trouble reading emotions, yet an intense focus towards whatever task they set themselves upon. A pity that he has to work with utter lunatics. I look forward to reading his published work, even if I do not have any particular talent for appreciating academic literature. Aspects are an interesting enough subject matter, however.
A Memory of Zhaleh: Don't Go Trusting Men
Zhaleh's bedroom.
A colorful room. A citrusy deluge of green, yellow and orange hues, bright in tint. On the wall, above her bed, a skillfully woven rya hangs, depicting a corn harvest. A souvenir from her trip to Vaasa.
I am fluffing some pillows. Zhaleh needs three of them. Two for her head, one for her back.
As I set them under her, she suddenly stares directly into my eyes, and makes an abrupt declaration.
"Don't go trusting men, Bashir. In the end, they only want one thing..."
She begins coughing violently, and never finishes the sentence.
I leave the room with an amused smile, fully aware of what she was about to say.
Qdim 8th
Dining with Zain was a very pleasant change from my labors. Even if Azimi was apparently spying on us. Doesn't she have anything better to do? Anyhow, I wish I understood philosophy at all, because Zain seems to be into it. Is there a primer? I really don't want to be speechless when someone's talking about their passions... Well, some people are fine with just having an earnest listener. I hope to see his weaves soon. Maybe I should try taking up weaving, it would certainly keep me distracted during assemblies. Distracted enough, anyway.
I've kind of been procrastinating with these interviews. I keep seeing the people that I'm supposed to interview, but then I can't really think of what to say. Fine start. I should just get them over with. Pretend that I'm not even there. Attain some state where I'm just a bundle of questions. How spiritual. I better get paid well for this. I took a look at some furniture catalogues, and the prices are downright offensive. If living here is so expensive, just how many millions do you need to live in Baz'eel?
Some people are really trying to push this "Throater" moniker on the assassin. I get it, it's an insult, but maybe don't make them sound like a streetwalker? The next assembly will just be a competition of who gets to say "throater" the most, won't it? And then people will forget that there's an actual paid assassin in town, and one that's actually frighteningly good at their job, too. No wonder the tabloid publisher came here. Though I do have to wonder if anyone in Baz'eel actually believes any of the news coming from here.
Also, I'm apparently stupid enough not to realize that the tournament in Kha'esh will obviously have slaves fighting. A disgusting affair. I most likely will have to go anyway, though. Just so that if another sizeable amount goes missing from the treasury, I at least know why in advance.
Memory Memories of Zhaleh: Her Medicine
The kitchen.
Between my fingers, a tiny little vial.
I shake it.
The silvery liquid within begins bubbling and frothing.
I quickly uncork it, pouring the contents into a goblet of wine.
Later in the evening, a woman, wizened by many decades, drinks the mixed concoction. Zhaleh yr Parisa el Khatara. Matron of her family.
It is not the first, nor the last time that this happens.
When it began, the pasha Saida told me that it was her mother's medicine, that she refused to take. I was naive enough to believe her.
I shiver. I've not really commented on these entries much, but... Was I always such an idiotic sycophant? Am I still like that? Yet I still remember the guards in the halls and outside... Was there ever a moment where I could've done things differently?
In the end, she was just a slaver, just like her daughter... Just because she was occasionally nicer to me means very little. Yet there still is a tinge of guilt associated with the fact that I was slowly killing her. Is guilt for such something that only a house slave could afford?
Begin anew... Yeah. Sure.
Qdim 10th
Zain got me a wondrous scarf! And Veshuib complimented it! Then Meadow complimented it, along with my makeup! And then Narwen complimented it too! I could just jump for joy! And I did! When there was nobody looking! Exclamation marks!
Now that I'm done manifesting my inner teenage girl, might as well collect my thoughts on more drab matters. I've been taking a look at some apartments... A few options.
Multiple properties in the Tablet... No. These aren't even an option, just a waste of ink.
Multiple rooms in the Krak... Cheap. Already furnished. Too loud. Annoying neighbors. Banda accosting you at every turn. No.
Property #5 in the Plaza. Expensive. Across from the League of White offices, so it just might get torched as soon as I move in. Close to the Krak, and there's always a ladder to the roof, which means that there would be plenty of drunks making a ruckus every night. The only positive: Mari for a neighbor. Too many negatives. No.
Property #7 in the Plaza... Expensive. Quiet part of the Well. Torchbearers for neighbors. Close to the Pyramid. Close enough to the Fourth's garrison. Safe. The only option, really. It'll probably be taken by the time I actually have enough dinari saved up.
I probably need to hire someone to carry all the furniture in when I move in, wherever it is... I am not doing that. This is getting more and more expensive. Guess I'm going to be saving up for another month or two.
Qdim 11th
What a horrible day yesterday was... I thought Karim's death was going to be the worst thing to happen, but then there's a sickness spreading throughout the Well and the Tablet.
Supposedly it's affecting anyone that comes in touch with this "radiation" that the shattering of the Star caused. That's some form of miasmic light, I don't know, I'm not an expert. Of anything, really. I spent at least a decade recording the sale of ink, and I barely know how it's made. Mix oak galls and iron sulfate, something happens, get ink. I'm sure that's not even partially right.
If that is correct, then I should have some symptoms, but there's none. I feel perfectly healthy. Healthier than ever, in fact, probably because I've mostly been eating just salads and hummus. There's not a single tumor on my body, either, and I should know, because I bathe for at least an hour every day. Granted, I have to flatter some silk-stocking from the Palm Heights if I want to do so properly, otherwise I have to wash myself in a barrel. I even scrub myself with camel milk once a week. Which is really expensive, come to think of it, but you can't put a price on beauty. Merely on maintaining it.
I wish my usual unstable mix of self-deprecation and egotism could distract me from the fact that I just saw a mother of two spend her last moments grasping onto a dirty blanket, her entire body covered in tumors. There is no cure. She will die in pain. Her daughters will never know their actual mother.
And some of the blame lies with me, doesn't it? Even if I didn't know at first... I still should have had my doubts about supplying wizards with anything. "Bashir, the Astronomers need baublium for a project. Oh, now that a week's passed, you should know that the project is a weapon. Oh, also, the weapon is related to the strange star in the sky. Oh, also, they're going to pull that star down to the ground. Oh, also, they fucked up and it shattered and now there's miasma everywhere and everyone's going to die a slow, agonizing death."
I hate this place.
Qdim 12th
During my first few weeks as a Scribe, I was very annoyed by the fact that most people did not seem to know what it is that we do. Now I'm kind of glad of that, because it just makes our work easier. Some of it, anyway. Who cares if it isn't appreciated on any level? Well, I guess I still do, but not as much. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure that some people still think that the processing fees for licenses are something that I made up. Paper, ink and wax aren't free. Besides, my actual lies are much more creative than that.
I wish we got new colleagues, though. Everyone else is already assigned and specialized into something, so having only two Scribes with variable duties makes us pressed for time. Elections are an especially busy time. Especially during an epidemic. What happens if all the candidates get tumors? I wouldn't stay around to find out. Anyhow, hiring new Scribes is a scrutinous business, and suitable candidates are difficult to find, so I imagine it'll be just us two for a long time. Don't want someone pulling the "Scribe for a day" hustle again.
I very much enjoy spending time with Zain. A pity that both of us have so many duties that keep us busy. He's the closest thing I've ever had to an actual friend, as far as I can remember, anyway. I want to get him a gift of some sort, but I can't really think of anything. Gifts should be both suitable and surprising, which is why they're annoying as hell to think of. For a moment, I was thinking of a loom, but that's way too big and expensive to give out as a first gift. I'm pretty sure he has one anyway. Maybe help him with getting rest of his aspectral equipment? He's so close to finishing though, that I might end up being too late.
Qdim 13thNothing really happened yesterday. Oh, I did see a cute puppy. His name is Ronin. He is very tiny and an absolute delight. Much like me after a few bottles of wine.
I was going to stop there, but it feels like such a waste of good paper. Instead, inspired by an abrupt conversation that I had, I'm going to list some of my favorite flowers, in case I wake up in another hellish plane where I lose even more of my memories.
- Magnolia.
- Frangipani.
- Palash.
- Amaryllis.
- Sacred lotus.
- Dahlia.
- Datura.
- Daylily.
- Crysanthemum.
- Bleeding heart.
For all the flaws that Calimport had, at least you could buy any flowers that you could wish for... Not that I ever got to do so, and was forced to just browse instead. Much of my life seems to be spent looking at things that I shall never possess.
Qdim 14th
I was just about to sit down with Zain and have a pleasant dinner, when the Tower's bell rang. I thought he was going to leave me there alone, but thankfully he did return... I was going to sabotage that damn bell if he hadn't. He ran the entire way back. What a sweetheart. I really need to learn to trust people.
Easier said than done, though, after that damn debate. I think that's the fastest that some secret that I'm privy to has become public knowledge. I think Adu hit his head too hard during his injury. I'm more annoyed by his idiocy than I am worried about his fate. Absence breeds indifference.
And the greatest absence of all here is the one committed by Qari. Fucking idiot. Should've said something, or at least sent a missive. But no, nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm sure he's happy counting his dinari. Maybe once the Qa'imi invade, they'll enhance his arms so that he can do so quicker, the coin just won't be his anymore. An absolute leech, nothing more. If he turns up dead with his dinari fed to him, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest.
All this stress is awful for my heart and lungs. I could see a physician about my hyperventilation, but there aren't that many here in the first place. And I'm sure if I did, it would end up being the headline for one of the many rags that we have now, somehow. "QUEER SCRIBE GASPS FOR AIR, MAD PHYSICIAN PRESCRIBES MIZZAR DIET!"
Qdim 15th
Domhnall shambled into the Krak, covered in bloody puncture wounds... I just ran over to him and did my best to help with my wand of healing. It was so reflexive that the blood didn't even bother me, this time. Thankfully he survived. I wish I had talent for healing arts, so I wasn't dependent on such implements, but I imagine that a physician with an aversion to blood would be terrible at their job. There'll be a need for increased security, but Marcellus will surely insist on walking around town alone, anyway.
While this happened, some folk were looking for "grease monkey" guts. I'm not sure if they were monkeys made out of grease, or what. The Nadiri that hired them carried a giant sack of coin into the Krak. A thousand dinari for everyone involved. I thought the Nadiri were poor. Tempting pay, but I imagine that most of that money goes towards more brews, anyway. I wonder what an adventurer's net income looks like? It can't be very good. I suppose it's more about excitement than money, in the end.
I get enough thrills as a Scribe. Every morning I learn about some state secrets, which are revealed to the public within an hour. I learn about Martin's latest pratfalls, which he miraculously survives every time. I learn that I made some obvious mistakes which probably should get me fired, but don't, for some strange reason. Still, I get more praise than reproach, so maybe I'm doing just fine. Or perhaps I'm just good at keeping up appearances, and people don't realize the extent to which I'm just winging it.
Waking up somewhere where I don't even remember going is another thrill. Evenings spent dancing tend to end like that for me. Thankfully most people don't tend to remember my name, so if I made a fool of myself, such actions can only be attributed to my alluring appearance, and not a simple name. Forcing people to speak of my good looks when they're talking behind my back is a powerful move.
Actually, I get so fucking drunk that I don't even remember the name myself, so it really isn't a move or a choice at all.
Qdim 16th
Dear diary,
might as well try that once, since I'm in an especially whimsical mood. Felt extremely wrong, so I'm not going to repeat it. Wish I could sleep, but I have a horrid headache. My fault, really. Might as well write this earlier than usual.
I was going to observe the Lily Leaguers. Get a feel for how many votes they have for Domhnall. See if there's any other obvious cracks amongst their ranks, other than Aubrey and Azimi.
But then they sabotaged themselves. To such an utter extent that there might be no return for them. And I don't really understand what happened, but it broke me.
All sorts of plots in my mind, all sorts of angles... And then they just do it themselves. Doesn't matter what I do, things just fall apart around me.
I got full as a tick on wine. Just felt like laughing at everything. Don't remember the high, but I do remember the low... Still am going through it, as I write this.
Then one of the Astronomers assaulted Mr. Shukov and Khalid... The Nadiri with the split personality... I might understand Shukov, but Khalid? One of the most harmless and decent people in the Well? Is Zain just the only sane one among their rank or am I going to find out that he has some dark secret?
And as I was writing this, Qari announced that Boots is the newest Magistrate. That is one of his first actions. After six days of absence. I... don't even know what I should write about that. If someone paid enough dinari for it, would he jump off the Pyramid's balcony?
I want to get out of here. How much money do I need to get to Baz'eel? A hundred thousand? A million? Whatever amount it takes, I'm ready to pay it. I'm so, so tired of this.
Oh, and now a naked refugee attacked Mevura and then Mevura killed him.
If I were to write this down differently, and attempt to pass it off as creative fiction, publishers would tell me that it's too unbelievable.
Qdim 17th
Being one of the awoken is interesting, because I don't really meet many others like me. Or maybe I do, but they don't like talking about it. I mean, I'm purposefully vague about it, so maybe others are too. At least Boops' story about how she got here was funny. I just remember waking up in middle of an ash storm and some caravan finding me. I've heard some theories about the reasons behind the phenomenon, but none of them make any sense. I guess that's fitting.
Instead, I meet a lot of people from the Rings, who assume that I know what they're talking about. It feels like I'm talking to a more mundane sorcerer. Instead of yammering on about how their great grandfather's great grandfather was the great iron dragon, Hraugaldorgthok, they babble on about how they were born in Ring 55, where water flowed backwards, where giant seagulls could predict the future and where your social status was determined by how long your stilts were.
The Tonsure's words keep echoing in my head way too often. If some of Marcellus' sentiments on the matter are true, perhaps I should consider changing my name. The surname, anyway. But it's very difficult to come up with a new one, and even more difficult to change it in a way that isn't suspicious. Marrying isn't an option. Not currently, anyway. Can't insist that people have been pronouncing and writing my surname completely wrong all this time, either. How old is too old to be adopted?
Qdim 18th
It certainly feels like that whenever I meet someone that I would gladly call a friend, they get involved in political scheming. Though this time, it is as a mere pawn, and not even of their own volition. Some people will gladly use others as mere tools. Am I like that?
I guess I am, judging by some past entries... I don't want to be like that, though. But even if I am aware of such flaws, and wish to be rid of them... Well, life is not some fairy tale, where people's very being can change due to a single event. But can it change after a plethora of events, most of which seem to point out what a tremendous piece of shit you have been?
I've tried to do better. Helped out people here and there. And it's been followed by the usual thanks, the usual formalities. And while that does feel good, I've realized that at times I'm not even doing it because of any commendation, but instead because I actually want to help. Of course, I usually don't have even the faintest idea how to actually do that. But perhaps sometimes it is enough to just make the right whisper in the right person's ear.
But it never was about being nice, or following some faint sense of decorum, was it? Sometimes, to actually help someone, you do need to be a mean bitch. And I'm adequate enough at that.
If I can't be virtuous, I might just as well direct my incompetence towards my moral deficiencies, and be extremely terrible at maintaining them.
Looking all of this over, not much of it makes any sense... But the rusty knife in my heart still twists enough that clarity of thought doesn't come easy.
Begin anew.
Qdim 19th
Marcellus' landslide victory makes me wonder if people really like him that much, or if they saw him as the only choice, or if he made a few too many promises. Quiet enough, for now, so it is difficult to discern. One can only hope that people can focus their efforts towards thwarting the Qa'immi threat, but one can hope a great deal of things from the Well, and get only wanton chaos in return. During the next assembly, someone will certainly ask "what's so bad about being turned into a living machine", I just know it...
This quill that I got from Alejandro is simply wonderful. What a great gift. I've been thinking of practicing my calligraphy. My signature is quite drab, for one. But when you spend most of your life writing quickly, you really can't afford much thought towards how the text actually looks. Beyond the obvious criterion that it is easy to read. Time to get truly ostentatious during my training, before I land on something that's a little more tactful.
By the way, I'm surprised that it isn't obvious to some that he... writes for a matching audience? Sings for a men's chorus? Likes his roses with stamens only? Wow, I'm terrible at euphemisms.... Anyway... I look and act like this, and some people still can't tell, so maybe it isn't too surprising in the end. I radiate it to such an extent that the Astronomers mistook me for a flamboyant star. Some people really are totally oblivious. Maybe such keeps unwanted attention away, but it is very difficult not to laugh when someone asks me when I'm going to settle down with a nice lady. Please, the only reason that I actively seek out women in particular for is when I want to gossip about someone behind their back.
Qdim 20th
I helped Meadow with her makeup, which was an absolute delight. Though I do have to admit that it is surprisingly difficult to instruct someone else on how to do something that you've been doing for most of your life. Another surprising fact is that she's into Dustwink, of all people. I mean... He's odd, but out of all the Astronomers that she could've picked... Yeah, probably the most sane choice. If they go out together, I do have to wonder if he'll schedule the affair on some extremely specific date, due to his divination skills. I'm assuming divination is the reason for why he does that, anyway. "Oh, I foresee that come Tesrin Hray 17th, the Gloom of Love shall be upon us. I'll come by your place to pick you up on my magic carpet, honey."
Also, there was a tremor or something like that. Thankfully I was not applying my own kohl during that. Never did find out what caused it. I hate not knowing. Maybe it's a giant sandworm? Like a colossal one? So many people go down to the gutters, that there's bound to be some sandworm that gets a bigger share of meals than the rest. Or maybe it's the Qa'immi, digging into the Well inside one of their strange contraptions. Or maybe it was one of the Astronomers, testing out their thesis about how "earthquakes are good, actually". In any event, I should know what happened, damn it.
Map leading to the Dakhwar? I don't buy it. That map probably belonged to Bruno, and it's going to lead to the greatest treasure of them all... Ten more issues of the Mermaid's Tale. Personally pressed by Bruno, after a bout of some night time drinking... His drink of choice? Some enchanted rum, granting him temporary divination powers. Half of the issues will be about things that have already happened after his death... The other half? Well, it's some spooky shit. All of this is more believable than whatever it is that Mevura said, I wasn't paying much attention.
Leander Nifkil was the Upstanding Gentleman all along? I suspected the man with the puns... I mean, it's the perfect cover. You make everyone think that you're just an awkward father with terrible jokes, and nobody will be the wiser if you work as an assassin in your free time. In any case, that guy is suspicious, and certainly up to no good.
Mizzar makes me too whimsical.
[This entry is hastily written. Ash, coffee and wine stains cover the paper, mixed into a unpleasant slurry that seems to have trailed alongside the quill's movements.]
Qdim 21st
Years of forced silence, only being allowed to speak when told to do so. Yet when I gain the freedom to do that whenever I want, every single mistake, every single misunderstanding, every single "gotcha" moment, all of them make me wish that I had been born a mute. After making something out of nothing, how can I at times wish that I had that nothing instead of what I have now? How can nothing be more comforting than something?
Yet despite my pettiness and aversion to embarassment, I won't make a vow of silence, if only because I know that I cannot commit to anything.
If being a slave is all that you know, then they'll treat you like a slave. Do this. Do that. An exchange of meaningless words, of meaningless dinari, that I won't ever spend because there is nothing meaningful to spend it on. No friendship. No affection. No meaning. "You're doing a good job." Thanks. You'll forget about it tomorrow.
His fingers bled. Blood, mixed with wine and glass. A disgusting substance to begin with, made even worse by such a haphazard mixture. Yet I did not mind. I did not want to see him hurt. Did anyone else care? Too busy barking at each other, finding someone to blame for something unrelated. More time spent on condemnations than on solutions. If any innocence resided in that room, it was stained by their bloodlust and cowardice.
Tea for four. Conversation for three. If I had embarassed myself there, they would have not cared. Yet the fear was more present than the truth. An exchange of meaningful words. Actual appreciation. For my small effort? I wish I had done more. Both on the field, and in that lovely abode. Why do I spend too much effort on those that I hate, and too little on those whose company I actually care for?
How do you begin anew?
[This entry marks a striking change of style. The lettering is more elaborate and stylized, as if it were written by a more practised hand than the ones preceding it.]
Qdim 22nd
I thanked Azimi. Stranger things have happened. But I can't think of many.
Oh, yeah. A coconut fell on my head. After I wished for one! It hit my head so hard that for a moment I thought that it came from a wishing palm. Or maybe I'm just really stupid. Anyhow, that coconut gave me a surge of inspiration.
Coconut, coconut
Ripe and round
With a thrust and a cut
Tasty water is found
I don't know how pentameters work. That coconut certainly didn't make me a poet. Good, I don't want to live in squalor. More squalor. I don't want to live in more squalor.
I did practise my calligraphy during that episode of inspiration, though. Let's see here...
Scribe Bashir Khatara
Impressive. Very nice... Let's see Narwen Alendiel's quill...
Scribe Bashir Khatara
Well, that's interesting. The aspectral energies within the quill seem to be coloring my ink. I'll save Narwen's gift for fancier occasions.
What was this entry about, anyway?
Qdim 23rd
What a boring day yesterday was. I guess Zain did invent a lighter cauldron. That's useful, but it's kind of the boring kind of useful. Although... I guess it's kind of a good thing that some things are boring? Also, Lucrecia brought me some coffee, which was a pleasant surprise. Didn't even want anything in return. She seems nice. Can't handle the heat very well, though, apparently.
Also, I think I've been messing up by giving these entries the date of the day that I'm writing them on, rather than the day that these things happened on... Who cares, nobody else reads these, thankfully. I could just die if someone did. So many embarassing things. Especially some of the entries from my youth. Knowing some here, they would inadvertently admit to reading my journal by complaining about the graphic details!
Actually... Going through some of these really old entries is rather confusing. I don't remember most of these events. I've been to Myratma, apparently? I think that's a place. Thinking of the name doesn't invite in even a residual mental image of what sort of place it could be, though. A port? I think it's a port. Yeah, it must be a port. Other than that, I don't know. Who gives a shit. I'm stuck here now.One of the earliest entries
7th Flamerule
Watch out, Myratma! You're not ready for Bashir!
Guys
"Jinkles": Half-elf. Redhead. Gorgeous, lush hair. Running your hands through those locks feels just incredible... Amazing abs and pecs. Swims a lot, so that explains that. His last name is Inkle, hence the stupid nickname. Cute butt.
Elaris: Elf. Shoulder-length white hair. The most beautiful emerald eyes. A smile that could melt your heart... Slender. Great dancer. Helped that he isn't too tall. Nobody told me that elves could be so... gifted. Why is it always the slim guys?
Kumar: D'hin'ni. Bald. Extremely muscular. Too much is too much. I guess that's the djinni heritage showing? Maybe? Also, he's an utter asshole who does not know how to treat a boy right. He bought me whiskey! Then he laughed at me when I couldn't handle one sip! I hope I never run into him again!
Alkas(?): Half-elf(?). I just remember the name. Kind of. I think he had black hair? Maybe dark blue? Sorcerer? Would explain the blue hair? I was really drunk. I see a giant question mark in my head when I'm trying to picture him. I guess even that is better than some men, though.
Qdim 24th
Today, so much happened that I can barely fit it into this page. Great. Now I'm going to have a backlog for my diary.
Formalizing laws is an extremely pedantic affair. So many different scenarios have to be considered, all of the relevant details have to be there without reaching excess, and no loopholes can be present. A pity that one of the laws can't simply be "use your common sense", for a plethora of reasons, one of them being that it is the resource most commonly lacking in the Well. Thankfully there is a rather easy to follow syntax.
Dickweeditude: A person found guilty of ignoring the emotional needs of others, treating other people like objects, and being, overall, an utter asshole, has committed Dickweeditude. Capital.
This law would not pass scrutiny at an assembly, simply because it would offend all the self-professed assholes and dickweeds in the city. Also, there probably is some plant that is actually called a dickweed, no doubt named by some overtly lascivious Astronomer who wrote their thesis on the matter. So, some natural philosopher would be offended too.
Oh, and I got Zain his Aspectral Prism! I can't wait to see his finished Loom! Except if he "shatters into a thousand pieces", or turns into an aspect himself! Then I'll be extremely disappointed! I don't want an "Aspect of the Zain", I want Zain! For a friend! I don't know why anyone would think I wanted something else! Even though he is cute! A cute friend! I just don't know what to say to – or about – friends because I've never really had one. Which is obvious when I actually read what I just wrote. No wonder so many seem to think there's something else going on...
A quite pleasant conversation with Alejandro, though admittedly it transformed into quite the crowd over time. I had hoped for a more private occasion. Some topics are not suitable for public consumption... At least Meadow was there. She is simply wonderful. And Alejandro did give me a book recommendation... "Men of the Legion". I certainly hope that the Inquisitor did not burn any extra copies of it... As no additional chapters to the Velan Volandis stories have been coming, I've been craving some titillating reading.
Hekatomb is dead. I spent some moments seeking someone or something to blame, but I suppose he wouldn't have wanted such himself. I guess he wouldn't have wanted anyone to be sad for too long, either. Just to live. That's difficult enough for me to begin with, because I keep getting distracted by just about anything that comes along. Does that count as living? Maybe it does. I think I'm going to be reminded of him every now and then when I light a candle. Though most of time that isn't to mourn... Rest well, Hekatomb, you are in the Martyrs' embrace now.
Qdim 25th
Seeing people go on caravans to Izdu knows where certainly tends to awaken my inquisitiveness. Where are they going? What do they talk about during the trek? Do they actually bring along people whose only duty is to spray water at everyone? I certainly wouldn't want to be such a... waterboy, unless it involved well-proportioned men. And then you could just forget about the stupid adventure anyway.
I've been doing some light accounting. With my wages, I really should forget about buying a home. With the down payment, furniture and taxes I could only retain an abode for only a few months. A room at the Krak, on the other hand, could be maintained for a few years. Even after the additional furniture. I've noticed that I can't really sleep without having some sort of commotion going around me, which is strange, admittedly. A few months spent sleeping in the office has made me accustomed to such, surely. So the hustle and bustle of the Krak perhaps wouldn't be such an irritant as I previously thought.
Speaking of accounting, a certain Nadiri has so much debt that it truly must be a record of some sort. A true achievement in financial incompetence. Now they are a quivering ball of anxiety, for obvious reasons. I don't think I have ever had any debt, other than my debt to society, for the crime of being dangerously beautiful. Admittedly, my current hobbies – jogging, reading trashy novels, drunken dancing – are on the cheaper side, so perhaps such is not surprising. That reminds me... The fact that you can't really go swimming here is truly awful. I have a figure to maintain.
Qdim 26th
I got the room. I don't own it, but maybe that's for the best, considering how strange it feels to own just the furniture. I've never really owned anything other than what I have on my person. And even that is relatively new. I made a mistake while ordering the furniture, and now I have a gigantic bookcase that's about four times taller than me. Filling it would take a few centuries. Getting it inside was such a hassle that I'm just going to give it away if I have to move away some day.
A man told me a joke about cigarettes, and I wasn't sure if the punchline was meant to be flirtation, since he told me it in the middle of the Plaza. In my experience such vagueness is best treated as everyday banter, unless one wants to risk a fist to the face. Now if I had been seated at the Krak, then it would have been obvious that he was coming on to me. Much like most adventurers here, he was fully clad in armor, so I have no clue what he looks like... Which means that I haven't the faintest whether I should care about his potential advances or not.
One moment a woman is telling me that I look "weak", the next she's apologizing to me in such a profuse manner that it was starting to get awkward for the both of us. Either her mood swings are as rapid as mine, or someone told her that I'm capable of finding out her entire life story, and spreading it throughout the Well due to mere spite. Do I really look like a mage, though? Everyone always asks...
I'm getting closer to fifty licenses sold. I wonder if they'll give me a medal for such? Of course they won't, nobody else will even notice. I don't even care, really. My list is getting too long though, and I'm dreading the possibility that the adhesive is going to weaken, and the whole thing will fall apart. Next time I need a list of such length, I'm just going to custom order a really long sheet of paper. The very first entry of the journal.
16th UktarRuins of Teshyll.
What are you supposed to write in these, anyway? I'll just write whatever comes to mind. A slack-jawed gnome. Standing near me. Not because he's surprised, either, his jaw is just stuck like that. He keeps drooling. Disgusting prick. He keeps it up long enough, his tiny brain is going to leak out amidst his disgusting saliva.
The caravan leader. A tall human, with a beard so thick that you can barely see his mouth. Talks so little that he might as well not have one. Some men will do anything to hide their weak chin. Amiable enough. Greedy enough. Maybe the lump sum for this caravan did buy his silence, but in a rather literal manner.
One of the guards. A half-elf. Really cute. Keeps staring at me. Not certain what for. Maybe he's into me, maybe he hates pretty boys, maybe he thinks I'm suspicious. Who knows. Who cares. He'll have to approach me first, if he wants anything. Granted, he is the only one of the guards to have some actual taste, sporting rather dashing leather armor... So, perhaps there is a chance for the sort of romance that dissolves on contact with sunlight.
The ruins themselves. A monument to opulence. A reminder of how it all started. Don't know if that djinni brought my ancestors here, don't care. Why name the country after that motherfucker? Would've preferred Harakhshan. But history couldn't be so kind. Some chains extend through time, never truly releasing their grip... What pretentious bullshit.
I need a smoke.
A budget on the next page.
Weekly Budget
Income:
• Turmish Emergency Fund: 500 bicenta
• Street Work: 126 bicenta
Expenses:
• Caravan, "No Questions Asked" Package: 500 bicenta
• Pipeweed: 50 bicenta
• Bottle of Trika: 10 bicenta
• Barleycake, 10 portions: 10 bicenta
• Date Cake, 10 portions: 10 bicenta
• Jhasinni Journals #37, Explorers of the Ginger Trail: 5 bicenta
Total income: 626 bicenta
Total expenses: 585 bicenta
Total savings: 41 bicenta
Qdim 27th
I'm laying on the couch, tossing my lucky coconut around, and just wondering if it was a mistake to get this room. Well, I'm not doing all that right now, I'm not that good at multitasking. Anyhow, maybe I should have kept saving up for Baz'eel. But then I wouldn't have any place where I could think in peace. One problem involving this room is the fact I'm now conscious about bringing any men here, because everyone can see that. Then again some of the guys I've been seeing have pretty nice homes, so... Temporary abodes for temporary romance, since they all have atrocious personalities.
In truth, I'm just trying to keep my thoughts away from the fact that I nearly died in that quake... And it's just business as usual after that, like nothing happened... Can't my workplace be safe, at the very least? Why don't we get paid extra to work in hazardous conditions? Well, we haven't been paid at all, recently... And I still show up, every day, anyway. Starting to feel like old times, but at least nobody's yelling or throwing objects at me. Not yet, anyway.
Should think about something lighter... Lucrecia gave me a muffin. It was very tasty. I'm kind of worried about her, though. The Krak's not even that hot, and she was still sweating. I think she might have hyperhidrosis... I had to look that up in an encyclopedia. I think that's all you would need to work as a physician here. Just flip through a book, find something that matches their symptoms, and tell them they have that. I would do that if I didn't have a conscience now.
Spending this much time in my room makes me realize just how much I hate my work voice. Everything about the act I put on while working, really... I can't be relaxed and catty... Or epicene... Thanks, dictionary... Admittedly all of these events make it hard to maintain the act. I've been dropping my "sirs" and "madames" more, even with people I don't really like, and they don't seem to care. I wonder how people would react to someone as blatantly bubbly as Boops working as a Scribe? "Hellooo, the Legate will seeee you nooow about your doooomsday weapon! Byeeee!"
Qdim 28th
Meadow gave me a rose! One of those everlasting ones, too! I'm not sure if I should put it in a vase on my coffee table, or attach it to a brooch... Maybe I should start collecting them... Or just hide this one in my secret lockbox... Well, its contents are secret, not its location. Though I guess I should hide it under the bed, at least... But then I'd probably forget about it. Actually, I should look under my bed and see if the Banda hid someone they didn't like there...
I do want more decorations for my room, but all I can find is statues... Which would be a very tacky look for what is in effect a mere room at an inn. Besides, I think having a sculpture of some naked man would just be too obvious, right? People would just look at it, roll their eyes and go "oh, of course" when they step into my room. Now, if it was a statue of some hussy with her bags of sand bared for all to see, then it would be a conversation piece. "Why does he have that?"
I also had another meal with Zain... His familiar is adorable. Though I am worried that the hen eats better than he does... But who am I to judge? I mostly eat salads... Anyhow, I love conversing with him, but it's quite obvious that there are certain topics that I should avoid due to my past. Unless I want to start lying again. And I really don't... It's just that I don't want anyone to know, either. Even if they did not judge, or laugh, they would just treat me like a victim... I don't want any "I know how you feel", I don't want any awkward compassion, and I certainly don't want it to be the first thing that people mention when they talk about me behind my back...
And considering that yet another election looms on the horizon, and the very first question that the members of the Gold set before one of their prospective candidates is about whether mercandise made by slaves should be allowed or not... With the implication being that it very much should be... It is very evident how some in the Well view slavery. Anything for a dinar. Fucking idiots. I hope they keep losing forever.
Qdim 29th
I find out that we have a new Scribe, and within five minutes of that discovery, he is promptly fired for threatening to kill Soliana... After which he proceeded to assault Maddicus, who simply wanted to know who he was... And after a prompt trial, he was made a conscript of the Fourth... Until he didn't show up, and now he's an exile with a bounty on his head, and sure to die in a few days. When some people fuck up, they sure like making a streak of it, don't they? Maddicus was recovering at the Temple... We're not the closest colleagues, but I was still extremely worried about him. He seems fine now, thankfully. Still, a stark reminder that at least half of the Well's refugees are utterly insane.
Some music at the Krak, for once. The bard playing, the man with the many jokes, was very talented with his banjo. He got down on the floor on his back to play it! Quite the wordsmith, too. Art should be entertaining, so that definitely was art... And anyone who says otherwise is a boring snob. Also, he does seem to fancy me... Well, at least some parts of me. Pity that he is a musician, though, as they make such unreliable spouses... And watching someone tune their instrument all day gets irritating rather quickly. Especially if they're vocalists.
I know that we're in the middle of a desert, and the world is dying, but it's still too damn difficult to find a potted plant of some sort! I'd take anything to spruce up my room... An agave, a yucca, a cactus... Now I want some prickly pears. I'm guessing that even those are easier to find. At least I know what I want for breakfast. Anyhow, someone will probably find the dakhwar before I find my flowerpot, as I certainly am not going to steal one from the Almshouse, unlike a certain someone... I'll rather worry about this than today's Assembly!
Qdim 30th
I hate my life. Everything is po█
[The writing ceases abruptly. It appears as if the journal was slammed shut before the ink could dry properly, as there is a small splotch found on both pages of the spread, placed in a symmetrical fashion. The text soon continues, written with a more steady hand.]
Thank you, Domhnall, for being the only one that seemed to actually care. Thank you, Aaisha, for seeing potential in me, even when I can't. And thank you, whichever vintner it is that makes Baz'eel Blue, because its sweetness makes for a far more palatable nightcap than the saltiness of my tears.
If some are going to treat my job like a joke, then I am going to stop taking them seriously, in return. I will direct them to the Legates' offices, but I won't talk to them, or transcribe the meeting. I won't greet them in the Pyramid, or outside it. I will stop pretending that I'm interested in anything that they have to say. They won't get anything beyond the bare minimum. When it comes to the attention that they so desire, they can simply starve. As a side benefit, the risk of being set ablaze by some lunatic is greatly reduced.
I was also permitted to refrain from attending further Assemblies, at least temporarily. So the degenerates shall have at least one spectator less for their perverted tendencies.
I was going to stop writing there, and sleep longer than usual, but... Gale is dead. I am not unfamiliar with the more, well, "roguish" men showing kindness to me, but I am still surprised that he had subjugated himself to a djinni. I don't know what to feel. Brooking brings misery, but he never brought any of it to me. I'm just confused.
Qdim 31st
Wajeeb sold me a plant. It doesn█ seem to need any light, so I'm keeping it in my lockbox for now. Is it a magical plant? Or blessed by Kula? I don't think it's going to grow much though, since Wajeeb seems to have owned it for some time, and it's still tiny. Anyhow, I was kind of worried when he started talking about ideas for policy, but his idea was actually rather smart, and shouldn't be too difficult to execute. Usually the ideas we're given are like, I don't know, "you should knit a giant tuque for the Pilgrim to keep it warm", or "every refugee should get free swimming lessons".
Alejandro sent me a letter! I got so excited that I jumped out of my chair, which fell on its back... Thankfully only Martin was there. He – Alejandro, that is, not Martin – wishes to have to have some wine and light conversation with me! I can't wait! There's so much I want to talk with him about! Some of it isn't even gossip! But... Now my mind is stuck on imagining what a date with Martin would be like... If we went for some falafel, he'd probably manage to set his uniform on fire, and run around the Souk like that...
Someone told me that floral patterns aren't in style! They're wrong! And if they aren't, I'll force them back into style! I'll take up tailoring and fill the market with such stylish haberdashery that they can't refuse! Wait, that'll just cause oversaturation and it'll become passé... But it'll be stylish for a moment! I also have an idea for some braies with a zebra stripe pattern, dyed in a tasteful powder blue. Admittedly, that idea is kind of wild, actually... I think I say "tasteful" a lot when I just really like the thing that I'm describing... My scarf is tasteful... This couch is tasteful... The salad I'm eating is tasteful... Describing a person as tasteful seems a bit lewd, on the other hand. I should avoid doing that.
AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I CRIED AT THE ASSEMBLY!
Tesrin Hray 1st
Conversing with Alejandro was perhaps the most pleasant occasion I've had in months. Wait, I've only been here for months, haven't I? So, it's the most pleasant occasion I've had here. Not only does he have great taste in attire, he also has great taste in men. I wonder if their love will bloom? I can't wait to see. Anyhow, apparently there was a trial about riddles and butts, before my time here. I wonder if there has ever been a crime where the only identifying characteristic was someone's butt? And there was a lineup of butts at the garrison? How much Blue did I drink before beginning to write this?
Three bottles. That's how many there are next to the couch, anyway.
I also got to see the Ecstatic Terrace! What a wondrous place! Such a stunning assortment of splendid flowers... The masterfully crafted fountains, with so many fine details... Even the uniforms of the Sixth were quite tasteful. I wish I could live in such a place, but there are no princes to seduce there. Which is something that I could achieve easily, by the way. Well, if they were handsome, anyway. Although... In the end, all that exquisiteness is a bit much, isn't it? I think I'd prefer living somewhere a bit more rustic, after all.
I wanted to buy a parasol... But then Anais dragged me around the Plaza, and acted like she was going to beat up people in order to steal one for me... I think that was her idea of a joke. Anyway, I got really angry at her and yelled something really embarassing, like usual... And then, after that, a bunch of people crowded around me, and it was really interesting at first, with Narwen explaining how blessed bronze is made... Then it devolved into politics... Then Mr. Mouse stole a coin pouch containing thousands of dinari from some League of Gold member, and bought his Voice with it... I can't fault him for doing that. In fact, it makes me like him more.
People keep bringing up my crying! Complete strangers, too! They could at least mention the fact that I look extremely cute when I'm crying! And I should know, because I look at my reflection a lot when I'm doing that... And then I cry more because the sight is so beautiful... Or maybe it's just because it's fucking depressing and I shouldn't be doing that.
Tesrin Hray 2nd
Why are there so many shirtless adventurers lately?! Their illustrious pectorals keep distracting me from my work! I mean, it's great that you have a good routine and diet going, but do you have to put the results on display at all times!? Especially that guy with the cloak... You had the energy to put the cloak on! Put a damn shirt on as well! At least when I'm working, I don't care what you do at the Krak... They should have waiters dressed like that, actually...
Padua sold me some dirty, smelly rags! That scoundrel! I'd direct some of our complaints to his mail, but he'd probably think they're more bills and have a heart attack... And I suppose he's cute enough that I don't want that to happen to him. Also, he bought me some wine, so I suppose I can forgive him... People keep mistaking him for Zain, for some reason. It's such an obvious difference! I only mistook them for each other once! First of all, Zain's hair is rather short, while Padua's reaches his neck! Second, Zain has a meticulously clean appearance, while Padua perpetually looks like he just came off a week-long mizzar binge! Third, Zain doesn't go around begging for money from random strangers!
Mr. Mouse broke Hekatomb's board, just so that he could rob everyone who came to gawk at the commotion. That's really desperate. It made Lucrecia so mad that she got drunk off her arse, which somehow managed to be funny and worrisome simultaneously. During her drunken stupor, she made a startling revelation! My diagnosis of hyperhidrosis was incorrect... She has bashirmania instead! A most devious ailment of the soul, common among women of faith, who are often oblivious to the fact that some men are avid jousters. I guess I need to have the talk with her...
Tesrin Hray 3rd
Why's the sky red?! If it starts raining blood, I'm staying in my room until it stops. I'll just make it my temporary office. I can do that, right? It isn't like anyone ever yells after me while I spend most of my day at the Krak, looking for prospective licensees... Well, there was that one time... Who cares where I work from, as long as I'm working, right? I don't like having to adjust my makeup because of this omen, though... Well, I do, but it's still a lot of work. More pleasant than my day job, though...
I went on an archaeological trek! With Alejandro, Fia, Meadow and Sebastian! There was a forest! An actual forest! Well, it was tiny, but it was pretty enough anyway. We found a bowl, tablets, shattered blades... And some rags...? Oh yeah, there was a giant skeleton! The skull wasn't anywhere to be seen. Someone really strong must've carried it away. Archaeology seems entertaining enough... And I wasn't even scared. Must've been the pleasant company. That ancient city, though... What an astoundingly beautiful sight. Meadow was far too interested in certain parts of the statues there... Admittedly I would've taken a look too if I had been there alone.
Mr. Mouse's trial was some of the best entertainment I've had in ages, even if Magistrate Kleene is a disgusting pig of a manlike creature... I guess the Krak doesn't have many shows because there's no way they can compete with such nonsense? I was mad at him for stealing my cigarette money, but then he gave me a full pack of smokes after the trial! I guess there's some truth to the tales of gentleman thieves. I wish he'd buy some new apparel, though... What a drab brown.
[The rest of the entry is difficult to read, merely a collection of clumsy dabs of ink that just barely manage to arrange into letters. It is as if it had been written under the influence of copious amounts of different substances.]
WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERY THING HERE HAVE TO INVOLVE BLOOD GEE MIGHT AS WEL GO TO ASSWAYS TO SEE IT FUCK THAT CHASED BY DEAD FOLKS MIGHT BE CURSED OR NOT BUT WHO CARE ALL GOES TO SHIT ANYWAY WISH I HAD SOME MUHAMARA WANT TO SLEP NOT THINK WRITE WHO KEPS BREWING THIS FUCKING HOUR FUCK YOU
Tesrin Hray 4th
Zain, being the ever diligent sweetheart of a gentleman that he is, got me the flowers that I've been looking for! I wish all men had his capacity to get things done... But some miracles even the Wheel can't grant. I've no clue of what I should get him in return, even if he doesn't really want anything... I'll just help him with his research. I have to do my best to keep the flowers alive as long as I can. Not like I can't just fill the vase with new ones, but these ones are special... I'll have to see if Marcellus has a treatise on natural philosophy, there must be some information available on how to best tend to these particular ones... My room looks quite complete now, and I can't really think of much to add anymore. Maybe some art? Another mirror? Mari was thinking of getting two mirrors, and that does make sense...
Religious gatherings feel strange to me. I don't really want to say anything, so that I don't offend anyone. I have a tendency towards that, so doing so in the middle of some more zealous types just seems like a terrible idea. I've never really been religious, either. Not that I have anything against that. Just feels hypocritical to commit a bunch of sins in the evening, and then pray the stains away in the morning. And I've never been able to commit to much, so choosing just one Spoke is just about impossible... And worshipping the Wheel as a whole is not really an option, either. If an Ashfolk heard any of this, their jaw would probably drop to the floor.
An unhappy Narwen is an utterly dismal sight. I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to spend time with her, as she is always an absolute delight. Oh, wow, I rhymed there, accidentally, kind of... Anyhow, she wrote a delightful ditty about Echemmon's thighs. Very catchy, very funny, as usual. I wish there was more music at the Krak, but Narwen is worth at least ten bards, so... Maybe it's not so bad. It's kind of interesting, the characteristics that people remember about others, isn't it? With Echemmon, it's the lack of pants. With me, it's probably going to be the distinctive lack of a tasteful parasol!
Tesrin Hray 5th
A full moon! Such a beautiful sight. And I got to share it with Zain! How wondrous... He also showed me some constellations with his sextant: the Rat, the Stupid and the Old Goat. I think that's the name of a children's fairytale... Anyhow, people tend to perceive things where there are none, don't they? One morning, when I woke up, I mistook my hand for a giant spider, and punched at it so hard that my wrist hurt for a few days... Admittedly I had been drinking a lot the night before, but that's still stupid as fuck... Anyway, the sunrise was absolutely gorgeous. I wasn't sure if I should've offered some shade from it for Zain's eyes somehow, but I guess that would've been kind of demeaning...
De Veend handed Gallows' Scribe badge to me. I kind of feel like throwing it in the trash, because it belonged to someone who was absolute trash. Not my best work, that one, I admit... The problem is that the blasted thing is probably historically important, so I'll presumably have to hand it to someone who cares. Why would anyone risk a lucrative career to steal just eleven thousand? I've made far more than that legitimately. What is legitimate in the Well just happens to be defined in a way that is highly profitable. Lucky me...
Mari took me to a tropical island – Hufaidh. Wasn't sure how I should have felt about traversing the ocean. On one hand, it was a magnificent sight... On the other hand, it was a depressing reminder of the state of things. As for the island itself... So many trees. Bounty and beauty. Astounding vistas abound. A veritable paradise, if it were not for the dangerous wildlife. I wonder who sculpted those giant statues? Especially the one at the top... What a sight. Mari is good company. I feel extremely safe with her. I've often thought that I don't have many friends in the Well, but I suppose she is one? I enjoy my time with her, and she has been nothing but a positive influence on my life here. I would say that counts as a friend, and a good one.
Sharing such things with good friends makes life worth living.
Tesrin Hray 6th
I finally managed to sell fifty licenses. I'm going to celebrate by giving away free stationery, by throwing it off the Pyramid's balcony. In actuality, I'm going to celebrate by getting drunk and sleeping a lot. Which is what I was going to do anyway. Reading through the license record is so boring that I wouldn't read it even when I had nothing else to read. There's a severe lack of funny names. Like if there was someone called... I don't know, "Bart Fargo"... Then that would be slightly amusing, at least. I did see a "Shix Splimmett" there. That's funny? I'm really bored...
There was a murder in the Plaza. Gruesome stuff. Well, I'm kind of unclear if the poor sod was killed there, or carried there... The fact that nobody saw anything is highly suspicious. I wonder if Daoud will help with the case? Or if it will just be the Astronomers fidgeting around with their wrist devices? I wouldn't want to own one of those, as those things seem highly distracting, and I'm distracted easily enough already. Anyhow, I really should buy more cigarettes after writing this.
Zain showed me the basics of engineering. Apparently it just involves getting a lot of similar junk, and then just melting it all together... He suggested that I try it with a bunch of paper, and all I managed to make was useless hunks of melted metal. That doesn't make any sense. Then again, I did see someone make lard out of yeast, so I guess reality just works differently here. And speaking of useless hunks, why are there so many muscular men here, and none of them offer their services as movers? Pulling furniture around with a rope is highly embarassing.
The Throater killed Sathuul! That's awful! I had a lot of respect for the man, as his dedication to his job was impressive... And I got so used to his grunting at most meetings... It's going to be so strange not having him around. The ceremony was so sad. It was obvious that everyone in the Fourth respected him. Way too many funerals lately. I just wish there was a week without anyone I know dying... Wait, that's really selfish. Anyhow, 7500 dinari is a lot of money! Should attract a lot of bounty hunters... I think the Banda just might catch the Throater, finally... I still kind of wish they hadn't called him that, but at least it gave us a new Velan Volandis novelette.
Tesrin Hray 7th
Helping someone you really like with their testament is some strange stuff... You really have to curb your curiosity, and I'm so curious that it's really difficult! It's a bit strange that more people don't get theirs done, though. Especially with how many people die here. I know that most people here are materialistic enough to care about their possessions. Aren't they in for a treat when they, I don't know, fall down the Pyramid's stairs, and people pounce on their bag like a buch of ravenous dogs. Then again there's probably plenty of people who wouldn't respect a testament at all, so...
A lot of people have been telling me that I should try my hand at writing... So I started writing a novelette! The problem is that I can't take any work outside of my actual job very seriously, so I just kept writing whatever I thought would be funny. The end result is trashy, but at least it's my trash... Anyhow, it's being published as a serial, so I don't have to write that much in one sitting... I don't even actually know where the chapters are being published? Some rag, I guess. I don't really care. I'm not even going to advertise... I wish people would stop telling me that I'm good at things, because then I feel like I have to prove it, and I just end up revealing that I'm actually really stupid.
Coming up with names for characters is difficult, too! I was going to name them after things that I see around me, first, because I'm really lazy... But Mr. Winebottle or Miss Couch are both terrible names... I'm just going to pick the goofiest names that come to mind. Even those are better.
Tesrin Hray 8th
Ten things that I hate about blood:
1. The color
2. The smell
3. The consistency
4. How it keeps flowing once spilled
5. That some wines are the same color
6. Its overuse as a metaphor in poems
7. Leeches are disgusting
8. That every other evil being here has power over it
9. I don't like blood sausages
10. "Blood is thicker than water" shut the fuck up
Anyhow, yesterday was really weird. I thought that I was going to die. A moment of relief, and things go back to normal. Sudden shifts like that are strange. I think some people thought that I vomited blood? I vomited because the puddle of pool appeared under me out of nowhere. My vomit is far more beauti – yeah you know what even I can't finish that fucking thought.
Even Domhnall was aware that I'm writing now... That's surprising. I still don't know the name of the publication that's printing them. It's probably something like "The Pink Unicorn". Nah, that's too subtle. Something dirty like "Plowboy". Anyhow, it's satisfying to get the chapters finished, even if I'm not taking it seriously... Am I going to get residuals, actually? Maybe I should've read the contract with a more discerning eye.
Tesrin Hray 9th
Some prisoners escaped from Banafsi, and a bunch of them enlisted in the Fourth. One of them joined up with us Scribes. He seems all right, and very grateful towards the Sultan. If he turns out to be another lunatic, I'll be extremely disappointed, and never help recruit anyone into the Scribes again. I wish they had some of that Banafsian banana bread, though. Maybe they have the recipe. I haven't seen any bananas, however.
Boops held a speech. Some of her supporters wanted to give her money towards a campaign office, but she was too focused on yelling at Domhnall. So the supporters pelted her with camel dung! What a mess! The moustachioed gentleman forgave her, though, and gave her the dinari. She better not buy Gallows' old place! There's probably still some money hidden somewhere in the floorboards! That would be a massive scandal!
These gloom trading cards are pretty neat. Well, I only get them because of the artwork, really. I don't even know how to play. Meadow wanted to come up with a ruleset for them with me... I don't know if I'm suitable for that, because I'm pretty bad at card games, to be honest. I mean, I'm good at cheating at them, which always made games of strip Talis very entertaining. What's more difficult, anyhow, legitimate or illegitimate play? I guess the risks involved depend on whom you're playing with.
Tesrin Hray 10th
I had a very long conversation with Zain. He really can read me like an open book. Quite literally... Maybe writing under my actual name was a mistake, because I seem to have the subtlety of a drunken walrus at a fish market.
But it was a good discussion. Even if the end result is just me admitting things that I already knew.
Physical intimacy is easy. There are no uncomfortable emotions involved. They don't get to know me. I just get drunk, flirt with the first guy that has some muscle definition, and fuck them. If they don't want more than that, that's just fine. Still hurts when enough guys say that...
Emotional intimacy? Actually requires letting them near you. Allowing them to see what's beneath the veneer. Allowing them the chance to disappoint you on a deeper level. Allowing yourself to do the same to them. There's a deeper pain to that... But I suppose that it's worth it...
I'm a creature of habit though... And most of my habits are unhealthy.
So I probably won't be able to stop it completely... But I might as well pick up some healthier habits. Like maybe try meeting them at least twice before I sleep with them.
Small steps.
Only ones I know to take.
And to be honest... I was just going to get drunk and drown this page in angst, but... The end result of not doing that was only somewhat embarassing, and more of a release than usual...
Philosophy, huh? Maybe it's not just for ditch dwellers, after all.
Tesrin Hray 11th
They sealed the Beast inside a bubble. Hooray. At least the bubble was a delightful color. I wish I could hop inside a bubble and float away. To the moon, maybe. At least it would be a pleasant change of scenery, for a time. There's a probably a city there, full of Moonfolk. They speak backwards and look like giant humanoid mantises. That sounds pretty amazing, actually. I'm going there in my dreams...
Otherwise a pretty dull day... Meadow did make me some bullets. They're useful enough, even if I do not travel that much. She's a very pleasant travel companion, though I admittedly do not have much to say on these slower days... I should take up more hobbies so I would have plenty of topics for conversation... But then again, then I'd just talk about myself all the time... And that's pretty depressing.
The most annoying part about writing is getting feedback on it... Most of it's been good, and Zain even called my writing "decent". Which is high praise, coming from him... I wish I could take writing seriously, but I can't manage that with myself, so everything I produce is a bit whimsical. Except for my transcripts, they're all utterly dull. Anyhow, negative feedback is my weak spot currently, since getting it for creative writing is something that I'm completely new to... I wish people would be more detailed about the things that they don't like... But then again I just want to write for myself.
This election is pretty dull, too... At least there's stickers.
Tesrin Hray 12th
I feel like quitting.
A lot of the time, anyhow... Maybe it's the past lurking behind me, but every mistake just feels like a chokehold around my neck... Sure, the job pays well, but otherwise you're kind of a vague presence in the background. Besides the wage, you just get a bunch of meaningless gestures that don't really amount to much in the end. And when you do fuck up, you'll only hear the end of it once they get distracted by some idiotic drama...
More than half of the time I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm supposed to be gathering information, but it isn't like most people talk to me about important things anyway. Even when it's something dangerous that Ephians should know about. So I just stand around quietly, because if I talk, then they shut up. It's my fucking job, what do you think that I'm doing? And then they come to the offices, and there might as well be a sign there that says "Bashir, can you leave the room?" because that's what they usually end up saying... If they can even remember my name.
Licensing? It's boring as shit. Legislature? Same. Every time I sit down to read about jurisprudence, there's some crisis that vaguely needs my presence, anyway.
There's many evenings where I go for a smoke on the Pyramid's balcony, and just look over the town for an hour. A beautiful view, but it never feels like home. I don't think any place has ever felt like home. I don't think any place ever will.
Do I have friends? Sure. But I don't feel like a friend to them. I don't know how I feel. I don't even know who I am. The cost of playing so many exaggerated roles to such an extent that I lose myself in them, I suppose. Me at work and me during leisure are two completely different people.
But I can't quit. I can't leave. I don't know how to do anything else. I don't know how to live anywhere else.
And all of this? Just more impotent angst, utterly meaningless in the end. Someone'll compliment my scarf, and I'll forget about all of it for a moment. And then I'll come back to my room, lay on the couch, stare up at the ceiling, and realize how completely empty I feel.
And preceding that habitual moment, last night? A guy I met escorted me to my room. I wasn't even drunk, this time. I really did want to just talk. I looked him right in his gorgeous eyes, somehow maintaining a veneer of confidence, even though all I actually felt was shame. A night of compliments, all directed at me, and seemingly for the sake of merely doing so. And all I could think was... That this man is too nice. That I do not deserve anyone like that. That he does not deserve to know such a perpetual fuckup, who ruins everything that he touches.
So I said goodbye, closed the door, dropped my clothes onto the floor and jumped on the couch... Pulled a pillow to my face, and began sobbing uncontrollably.
The best thing that I can do for someone else is nothing.
Tesrin Hray 13th
Domhnall won. Which is about as surprising as the fact that I want more flowers now. I hope that we don't get many visits from Ibn Ghalish... Who am I kidding, he'll probably be in the office every day from now on. Probably set fire to our archives or something, too... Should hire a mage to cast some kind of insulation spell there, I suppose. I hope that he's a good boss, and isn't addicted to sedatives or something, so we won't have a repeat of Qari's eternal sleep.
Everyone's crazy about Selsi's Cube, it seems. I don't think it's that interesting... A Janissary said that it's more like a cuboid or a prism, and if I'm going to take geometric advice from anyone, then it's definitely one of the Fourth... I mean they have a number in their name and everything, so they must know a lot about maths... Anyhow, I don't get it, the stickers are for more intriguing and tasteful. I'm going to stick them here in my journal.
Some travel too, today... Nusrum again. Saw the seemingly endless pit there. I wonder what's down there. Probably something ancient and evil. And it'll visit us, like... Two months from now. After Boots plays his trumpet into the pit. It'll be sealed by the Office of Minor Nuisances after they rediscover their forgotten past as witch hunters. But my guess is too predictable so it'll probably be something even stupider...
Tesrin Hray 14th
They snatched the Throater. With great speed, they polished their spears, and thrust themselves upon the gutter. They pounced on him, beat his meat, and yanked him off to the garrison. Whatever was left of him, anyway. Here are my completely serious suggestions for the moniker of the next assassin:
• The Finisher
• The Gaper
• The Gusher
• The Two Thrust Thug
Anyway, now that all of that is out of my mind, I hope that we won't get any assassins, especially not ones with monikers as goofy as that.
I really wish that I could keep my mouth shut, sometimes. But there's a lot of moments where I just have to ask some utterly stupid question, because my curiosity is like a... sieve. I don't know, something that leaks a lot. Sometimes it's an actually good question, but I don't know how to phrase it, or I'm not the person who should be asking it... How do people deal with that? Because I don't know how to... I'll just blurt them out like that, and sometimes it's just so stupid that I feel angry at myself immediately after doing it.
At least I didn't make a fool of myself when Princess Hasheema came to visit Domhnall's inauguration. I wish I was better at titles, though. I don't even know where I would ask about them, however... Loved her dress, a very pleasant ochre. I should get shorts in that color, actually... This time I made sure to record the entirety of the speech, and I made copies too, so that Martin couldn't spill ink on all of them. Not only did he manage to spill wine on himself, but he also set his uniform ablaze! I had to throw water on him! How does he manage to survive?!
The worst thing is... He's kind of cute... So I actually feel sorry for him on some level, even though he keeps doing this all the time. He must be cursed by the Sabotage somehow. I wonder if he has any chances of finding a spouse? Looking after him would be such a laborious undertaking that I highly doubt it.
Tesrin Hray 15th
Azimi's doppelganger called me tacky! I'm not! And just to make sure that everyone knows, I'll be purchasing five more fashionable attires, along with a tasteful new wardrobe for them! But... then again, nobody would know, because every time I'm not wearing my uniform, people start pestering me with questions about whether I quit or not... I'll buy the clothes anyway. Anyhow, I don't know much about doppelgangers. I thought it was a really talented parrot, originally. But then I saw it! It was just as growthfully challenged as the real thing!
Domhnall bought a dirty, stained bed! He even said that it was teeming with venereal disease! WHY DID YOU BUY IT THEN?! Anyhow, it's at the Wheel House now. They should wash it, fumigate it, apply a generous helping of acid to it, burn the old sheets, have a priest exorcise and consecrate it... Beg the Wheel for forgiveness... Have a grognak sit on it...? I don't think that last one would help... I slept on the couch just so that I wouldn't have to think about beds.
Why can strange entities of dubious origin have butterfly wings, but I can't? It isn't fair. I'd look absolutely fabulous with them. Also I guess being able to fly would be nice as well... It's mostly about the aesthetic for me, though. Yet there would be downsides... I'd have to cut a hole for them in every shirt I own... Seeing such fine fabrics destroyed would be simply dreadful. Maybe having wings wouldn't be so great after all.
Tesrin Hray 16th
I'm Domhnall's interior decorator, now! Minister of Decor! Minister of Interior Decoration? I don't really get titles. Oh well, I should write a few ideas down... - A mirror, with a simple silver filigree frame, next to his bed. A Legate should be ready to look presentable, as soon as they wake up!
- The general hue of the decor... The office of the League of White features lighter shades for theirs, for obvious reasons. That would make his affliations evident, but the Pyramid's tiling is of a lighter hue already, so it might end up looking too subdued. A slightly darker theme could offer much needed contrast.
- A wardrobe, also near his bed. He might be stuck wearing that toga most of the time, but people shouldn't get the impression that it's the only apparel that he has.
- Two bookcases. One can have Asterabadian theory, the second more practical works, such as that book on camel care. Give that impression of a learned man of the people to anyone who visits! I simply adore the bookcase in the League of White office. It is a simple, practical design, accentuated with glass-paned doors, further overlain with saltire shaped accents. Is saltire correct in this context? Who gives a shit, it sounds fancier than "diagonal cross". Anyhow, I want a bookcase like that for myself!
- At least two flowerpots. White lilies would be perfect, but most likely far too difficult to find...
- More chairs around his desk. Cushioned ones, maybe just more of the same. The Rose attend meetings in higher numbers, and meetings within meetings are an ancient Ephian tradition. It's so akward to have multiple people just standing there.
- A desk and chair for Scribes? I don't mind standing, but maybe my colleagues do. Too much sitting is bad for you. You don't get legs as glorious as this by doing that!
- A third carpet. Around the door, as that area looks kind of lonely. I suppose it would have to be identical to the two others... They're decently tasteful, I suppose. I always preferred the ones in the corridor...
- Tapestry and/or paintings. That wall behind his throne just looks too bare. Perhaps a painting of some strapping revolutionaries... Their bodies dewed with sweat from all that hard work of reading poetry to the common folk... Or whatever it is that they do. Maybe one or two of those white lily banners? Those are cute. Some stained glass from the glaziers? Their floral designs are fantastic. Yet their lead times are simply awful!
These are just a few ideas, I've plenty more. Then again the room is far too small to contain my genius, so I have to limit myself.
Tesrin Hray 17th
My soul is a tempestuous one. Yesterday, I cried, and I'm not even entirely sure of why. Maybe it's just the end result of stress building up to such an extent that I can't hold it in anymore. And in this job, it builds up very quickly... I think that I should just stay quiet at meetings from now on, and just whisper in the Legates' ears when I actually have something important to say... One of the easier ways to reduce some of the stress.
I think that one of the sadder things about my professional life is the fact that I've no idea what I'm doing right. So when people heap praise on me, I don't really know why... And I can't really ask, because that would be awkward... Maybe I just pay too much attention to my mistakes, but when people tell someone like Yavuz to learn from my example, I feel like screaming... I think that he's already better at this job than I can ever hope to be.
As for the pretender from Banafsi... Maybe I should've known better, and dissuaded Domhnall from letting him sit on the throne. But I had just woken up from a nap and everything happened so quickly... The timing was just wonderful. Don't even really know what is expected of me during such sudden occurrences, if anything at all is expected to begin with... I'm kind of shit at my job, and I wish people would stop telling me otherwise.
At least I can shop for clothes. Some joy to be had, at the very least...
Tesrin Hray 18th
Narwen showed me her home... Well, some of it, anyhow. Even that small space was still absolutely beautiful. Their water barrier is far more tasteful than the Shade, and the architecture has a rather pleasant rustic feel to it... What caught my eye the most, however, were their lanterns. Simply stylish. I want one or two for my room, but I'll have to see if they're willing to sell them in the future. A pleasant conversation, too, though our differences in education really do show... She's far better at all that cosmology stuff than me.
I guess I could call myself an actor now, after that Gloomology Workshop. A thespian. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, as acting is kind of a career killer. I suppose I could still volunteer in the future, though, as it was really fun. I'm surprisingly good at getting into a role, even if it was just Balladeer #2... I gave him an accent, because accents are an easy way to give someone a little more character. I guess I should've asked more questions about his backstory... I wonder if I could write a Hardacre play? Probably, but nobody would volunteer for it, since I would have too many kissing scenes.
After the Workshop, there was a glar. A gloom spar. After a very showy display of cardful prowess, Sebastian managed to claim victory over Alejandro. He won the rarest Gloomcard, The Beast, and gave it to Anais, who proceeded to faint out of joy. Or maybe she's anemic or really tired from all that yelling that she does, I don't know. I want to own the rarest wine card, but I don't know what it is. It probably costs a gadillion badjillion.
I think I'm buying too many shorts... I have so many ideas for outfits, but I almost always end up wearing shorts, in the end... But I like showing off my legs! And shorts are very comfortable! And so easy to mix and match... I guess I could buy some silwar... That gives me a lot of ideas actually! But I'll probably still end up buying at least two pairs of shorts instead.
Tesrin Hray 19th
That king is all right. Brought some wine – Alkabi Shiraz – to a meeting and I got to drink at least four glasses... Maybe five? Six? I don't really remember, I got really drunk, since they were really tall glasses. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking on the job, but most of these meetings are fucking awful, so I might as well have fun during one when I'm given the chance. Also... I'm Bashir the Bold now, apparently. Which is honestly a pretty good title.
People certainly have a lot of interest in these Prominent Figure profiles right now. I'm glad that it's mostly Aaisha's thing right now, because... I don't really pay much attention to people's histories? Or their achievements? If it was me writing them, they would contain drivel like "oh he looks absolutely darling in ochre and has the cutest laugh and always knows the best ways to compliment you". So basically they would be matchmaking profiles, instead of documents of historical importance. I guess someone would pay for that.
Tesrin Hray's the month during which gates are closed. So, you might as well close the most infamous gate in the Well – the Gate of Sand. I'm certain that someone will complain about it, but what are you using that gate for, anyhow? It's mostly a minor shortcut, right now. I kind of hate that gate, since everyone keeps bringing it up at the most inopportune times. You could use it as an insult, too. Like "shut your Gate of Sand" or "he's a real Gate of Sand". I suppose the former works far better...
Anyhow, I'm real bored. I was trying to jot down some ideas for more Hardacre, but everything ended up being related to coconuts. Probably because I'm juggling my lucky coconut around again. I hear a lot of strange sounds from the neighboring rooms at night, and I often wonder about their source. I guess I could have Hardacre investigate some strange sounds in the next book? That's way too vague to be a good idea though. Writing is really difficult. Thankfully it's something I do for a lark, rather than as my day job. I'd be living in a ditch otherwise.
Tesrin Hray 20th
Mro Po's was so filled with children that I couldn't get a seat! I suppose that's just fine, those kids seem like they've had a hard time, and they could use some joy for a change... Just not used to it being so full there. I don't know what most wormingers and refugees eat, since I never see them eating at Mro Po's. Probably hardtack, which they down with wajeebs.
Anyhow, nothing really happened yesterday, so I only had that to write, so... I've just been walking around? Someone sold a lot of oil to Caleb. Like, fifty containers... Along with a few torches... I guess some White leaguer changed their mind about burning someone's home down.
Hazish has some giant eggs... I don't think those are the eel eggs. I think eel eggs are translucent. I think, anyhow. I don't know much about eels.
There's a really pale Nadiri? I don't know anything about him beyond that. They have at least a dozen newer Nadiri. Sheesh. Sure is a lot of people who don't want to get paid.
I met a guy at a tavern, last night... Well, he really just came up to me and started explaining how he had puked on his shirt, in elaborate detail. The alcohol probably didn't help him any, but he had to be pretty stupid to begin with to think that was a good conversation starter. I just walked away.
Wow. This is all really boring, but I felt like I had to write something.
Tesrin Hray 21st
Alejandro took me and Armis to the Valley of Wisdom. Certainly a place that is both beautiful and intriguing! True to the name, a lot of ancient wisdom has been carved to the walls there. Explains a lot about the state of things, presently... I think everyone should see the place, at least once. There's also a strange barrier, nearby. I wonder what's the deal with that? Either there's something dangerous behind it, or something precious... Or, well, both. If there were more Velan Volandis novelettes beyond... I would immediately hire the Astronomers to take a look, since they need the money, and I need that sleaze.
Why didn't anyone tell me that there are sea elves in Banafsi? I bet their men are handsome... Muscular from all that swimming, a strapping sailor type that would bring me seafood every single day... He could show me all the tropical islands that there are to be found on the Disc... His long hair treated to perfection by the salty winds... Gills... Scaled skin... Stinking of sea water... Actually the rest of that sounds pretty awful, fuck that. I would visit Banafsi to take a gander to see if they actually have those awful features, but I'm not that desperate for men to do it during such a volatile time.
Bana was on trial again. How does someone end up like that, anyhow? Must've injected some scorch straight into his brain. He was promptly exiled, and he's dead and buried under a layer of ash now. Thankfully. I don't really like wishing death on anyone, but I also really don't like the prospect of an insane stalker hounding me every night. I wonder if Boots is setting precedent by playing the trumpet at every trial? I mean, he's not half bad, but it's still kind of loud.
I'm really glad that I can sleep in my room now... The Pyramid's kind of a weird place, in the end. And greasy.
Tesrin Hray 22nd
Nadiri Dhoten called my figure "aesthetically and mathematically pleasing". What a strange thing to say. How do you calculate such things, anyhow? I guess there's some sort of formula. Assigning numbers to beauty seems really creepy, though. You can't really address the full extent of it in words, either, but at least words can be beautiful on their own... Numbers, on the other hand, are just utterly boring.
I saw the second and third floors of the Tower of Q'tolip. It's far less blue there than I thought! But it's still bluish. Purplish? Eerie mood lighting, regardless. I also saw the Orb. I don't know why anyone would be curious enough to touch it. And I'm really curious! I was more curious about what they eat, or where their canteen is. But I didn't feel like embarassing myself, again, so I didn't ask.
The first Hardacre is nearly finished! I just need to write the epilogue. Then I can finally say that I wrote a book. That was published in terrible tabloids. As a serial. To fill up some space. I guess that isn't a book, really. I suppose someone might collect the chapters under the same cover? I don't know. Also I'll be saying that to myself, inside my mind. Mentioning it to anyone else would be embarassing.
What I'm far more proud of are my flowers! They're blooming! It's also a good personality test. If someone comes into my room, and mentions them, then I like them. If they don't mention them at all, they're obviously a terrible person who has no appreciation for the finer things in life! Which is most men, come to think of it. Then again a lot of them are drunk, or high on mizzar, or both, when they come to my room. But that's not really an excuse, is it? You should recognize the beauty of flowers, no matter how intoxicated you are!
Tesrin Hray 23rd
A rather boring day was saved by a trip to Frostport. Mari, as always, was a most pleasant traveling companion. I'm not sure if I've ever been somewhere so cold, but some layering along with wards made it manageable... A beautiful place, even under such harsh circumstances. The market had plenty of interesting goods, including a rather expensive cloak fashioned out of a bear pelt... Far too masculine for my aesthetic, however.
As for other sights... A fortress, seemingly constructed out of ice... The kobolds there were quite afraid of us! A stone arch, allowing one passage over a small spond... The view from there was simply amazing! A stuffed bear...? I guess that counts. We did stop to look at it. Kind of macabre, really.
On our way back to the Well, we discovered a small band of goblins... The shaman – I think it was a shaman – among them carried surprisingly intriguing items. Including a most tasteful scarf, one of silken make, it seems. Must've stolen it from some poor sod... Not only is it quite fashionable, it seems to be enchanted with protective magics, so I shall be wearing it in the future... Zain's gift scarf, one of my most treasured possessions, shall wait in my wardrobe, for occasions that require a more rustic look. After all, one can't be showy at all times, and it is a understated yet handsome piece.
I was also able to obtain a gift for Zain... A tinkerer's helmet. And how overjoyed was I to hear that it indeed was a suitable present! I can't wait to see how much it helps his work... And he even promised to see if he could craft a parasol for me. What a darling! If he manages, not only will the parasol be fashionable – as he has great taste – but it will most likely hide several hidden functions that will protect me from ne'er-do-wells. It could shoot a rainbow medley of flowers at them, blinding them with the sheer beauty of it all!
After the trip, Owain visited the Plaza. He's a rather clever monkey, clever enough to want a Voice for himself. Yet I wasn't sure how to help him, and I'm certainly not giving 5000 dinari to someone I don't know that well. I mean, the most obvious reason for not doing that is because he's a monkey. Yeah, that's what I meant to write. Anyhow, someone was stupid enough to insult him, and was covered in nasty funk as a result. People should respect monkeys more. Or something. I just think he looks absolutely adorable with his fez.
Tesrin Hray 24th
Useless.
That's how I feel like, of late... I wonder if I can be fired, even if I don't make a single mistake...? Just on account of not actually accomplishing anything of note. I guess I shouldn't expect respect, just more meaningless comments... If someone else is better at being a lickspittle, that's just fine. I just wish that they wouldn't attempt to dictate my fate based on whatever inadequate understanding of me that they have. How do you balance between doing your job properly and not taking it seriously? I don't know.
I suppose it's my own fault, at least partially... I keep exaggerating my simplicity so that people underestimate me, because that makes things easier... But it does have that downside of no respect... Whether from others or from myself. And in these moments where I lack self-respect, I make bothersome discoveries about myself... Such as the fact that I can down a dozen bottles of Baz'eel Blue before I vomit.
As for the respect I hold for some others... Sparrow read a story that she had written, at the Verdant Stage, and I was the only one to show up... People can be so cruel. They were probably off in some cavern, borrowing their heads for use as spider nests. The story was really good, and I enjoyed it a whole lot. Even if it was pretty sad, but sad tales have their place, too... I probably couldn't write anything melancholic, other than this garbage, and this is strictly for my own eyes only.
And onto another completely different topic, because I can't focus on anything at all... At least I had pleasant company for the evening. And I won't go into details about his appearance, because he was obviously handsome enough to garner my attention, and I tend to ramble... Anyhow, he was a nomad of sorts, very dedicated to Warad, and all. Plenty of tales, all of them his own, yet there was no bragging, no bravado, no egoism... The focus was on the events, told as if he merely had happened to be there, amidst them. Quite the talent. A talented kisser, too. And as always with such men, he was gone by morning... Yet in a far more respectful manner than most – if any – that I've met. Men like that just drift from abode to abode, sprinkling a little love where it's needed... I'm not sure if that is a sin or not. Gave me some momentary joy, at the very least.
Tesrin Hray 25th
Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Having so many mood swings is extremely tiring, but I suppose it's still better than not feeling anything at all...
The Sultan sent me a missive. Well, some intermediary of his did, anyway. They got my name wrong, or maybe my colleague is just nearsighted, or maybe Martin spilled some juice on it or something... Anyhow, at least I got a beautiful bijou out of it. A most tasteful ring, with an enchanted jewel... Thankfully my entire outfit doesn't have to match with one ring, because the jewel keeps changing color.
It's kind of interesting to see such influential people remember my name, to some extent. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Kind of a sign that I'm doing something right? I guess? In a way, it's still preferrable to be an unknown factor in the background, but I suppose renown is unavoidable at this point. I should be assuming my office at this point, I guess, but I can't decide on the details. I spend hours on deciding what facial lotion I should buy, so, yeah. Something more important like that is going to take me a few years.
They still try to keep me and the other Scribes away from meetings, even though we learn of the details later anyway. Still, I get my payback for such in whatever way I can, so... If it means telling Odar that there is a meeting, so that he can sling puns at everyone there, then I'm willing to do that. He should get new material, though. I've heard that frog ale joke a million times by now.
Alecto going from Nadiri to Scribe is rather surprising. He did just fine on his first day, though, so there's some promise. More numbers does mean that we probably are going to have to begin rotating who attends to which Legate at some point... I'm usually the one who gets kicked out, so this is going to be really "fun". I'm just going to go out for a salad if they start doing that even more. Some crisis starts and I'm needed? You can just walk over to Mro Po's to find me, you should have thought about it real hard before you told me to leave.
Tesrin Hray 26th
Zain's looking for a black cat... The only one I could think of was the perpetually comatose one in the Souk. Yet even some tasty salmon couldn't stir him. Nor my salad. If someone placed a plate of salad next to me when I was sleeping, I would wake up immediately to eat it. Maybe that cat is brain dead. Or maybe it just wakes up whenever someone isn't looking. Or maybe it's a family of black cats that all sleep on the same barrel. Who knows? I just want to help Zain find the perfect cat... But I don't really know much about pets. I've never had one.
A cleric of Izdu was conducting some ethical questionnaires, about what you would be ready to do for the most important person in your life. Zain was ready to do everything for his! I wonder who he was thinking of? Whoever it is, he's really dedicated towards them. I'm jealous! I wish I was the most important person for someone. Then again, that sounds like a whole lot of responsibility. Maybe being the third most important has less duties involved.
The mound of sand in front of the Krak's entrance is a strange place. I get on top of it every now and then, to survey the surroundings. Which is to say that I can actually look tall folk right in the face without raising my head. However, I get really forgetful when I'm standing there. I think it's just particularly serene. I shouldn't do maths there, though. I wish I didn't have to do any maths. Camel statistics alone are awful. I wonder if our new Junior Scribes have to do that shit?
Tesrin Hray 27th
Some creep was apparently kidnapping old people, to sell them, or something. Thankfully they didn't do that to Marcellus. He is, after all, the most prominent old person of the Well. Along with Domergue, I guess. They could take to the Plaza, sit in their rocking chairs, and yell at passing youngsters... if they got along on some level. I think that's what old people do, anyway. They don't have much else.
They unveiled Lynneth's statue. It was very skillfully sculpted, a rather beautiful sight, as far as these sort of things go, anyhow. However, they only had cheap swill to drink! I don't drink ale, or whatever that other stuff even is. It was all awful. If you're going to hold such an occasion, you should have a wide selection of drinks, and you certainly shouldn't go for such gutter sludge. Also, you should ban any and all goats. Goats shouldn't be allowed to parties. Unless it's a goat party. I'm not sure what that would even be, maybe just a party where goats climb on stuff.
Domhnall was locked outside of Marcellus' office, and he was banging on the door real hard. Then he got in, and was promptly kicked out. I've known very few joys that were as monumental as that. Now if I get to see that happen to Marcellus, I can die a happy Scribe. You get your entertainment from very simple sources in this job, and such an ironic role reversal is like the grandest of plays.
I think Maddicus is losing it... Maybe he hit his head too hard. He keeps yelling vague threats, after which he runs off somewhere. Who knows where? He likely doesn't know himself, either. If he retires, I'm claiming his desk. It's simply perfect for nail care... I'd have to throw that boring book away, whatever it is about. Oh yeah... Domhnall asked me about my nail care routine, and I guess I'll have to send him a letter about it at some point. I think that's as important as state matters, anyhow.
Tesrin Hray 28th
I had a feeling that yesterday would be utterly boring and drab, so I just shut myself in my room, and got a bunch of writing done... I'd be extremely surprised if I was actually needed for something.
Anyhow, it was quite a productive occasion of isolation, as I was finally able to write the epilogue for Hardacre's first case... Epilogues are really difficult! I'm going to write it as the very first thing for the next novelette... Actually, that doesn't make much sense. Or does it? I don't know, I'm not a writer. But what I do know is that I won't try to write one chapter per day next time. That's just too much. I'll do one per week, instead. That gives people time to recover from my barrage of garbage, too!
I do have to finish that Prominent Figure profile, too... Those are even more difficult. I can't be too nice. But since it's someone I like, I can't be really mean either. I guess I could do a few more interviews to make it less biased. Then the meaner words come from someone else, and I'm completely blameless! I kind of hate interviews though. Professional ones, anyhow. I can never ask questions about things that I actually want to know. But you can't really write down their favorite food or their nightcap of choice in such profiles...
Speaking of nightcaps, I was really thirsty, so I mixed some Modan Port and lemon juice together... Very tasty! Kind of expensive though... If they had some cheap white port here, I'd use that instead! I occasionally mix some Blue with coffee, but that's not really a good nightcap... Makes me kind of jumpy. I think some rum or arrack might work better. Not that it would make me any less jumpier, but it would taste better. I love mixing drinks! The fruitier, the better!
I do wish that I could have as much variety in my diet, though... I just keep eating Mro Po's salads. I know that the Krak has turkey, but they never have it on the menu. I would pay... fifty dinari for some roasted turkey. Okay, maybe even a hundred. Prepared with the finest of herbs... A side of mashed potatoes and gravy... Now that is a dinner! It's so painful to write about, because I know I can't have it... I'll just have to beg Mro Po to prepare some baba ghanoush as a side for my salad. Maybe a few tears will convince him...
Tesrin Hray 29th
Why is salt so expensive here? Must be some really special stuff... I wouldn't sprinkle that stuff on my meals, I'd feel guilty for being so opulent... Being ordered to buy some felt kind of demeaning, even if I understood why. Then again being in charge of catering for the Pyramid would be far more pleasant than some of my current duties. Actually, I'd love to do that for the Embassy floor... If they let me take the leftovers.
Anyhow, I get a lot of compliments these days, but I'm realizing that if it isn't related to my looks, I don't really know how to receive them. I'm just vaguely smart, in extremely specific ways... Which still gives a slight edge against most people here, I suppose... But when someone praises something that I did, I don't really know why they're doing that. And it kind of hurts? Like if they compliment my manicure, I understand it, but if they compliment my work as a Scribe, I don't really get it. I guess I could quit and become a beautician, but it's the Well, and people don't care about how they look very much.
It's not all compliments though, because Anais said that I'm getting fat because I supposedly drink too much... Which is absolute bullshit! I made some measurements, and my waistline is thinner, actually! Sure, my thighs have gotten thicker, but that's all muscle... I do a lot of squats when I'm bored, and I'm bored very often... But I shouldn't care about what she thinks, since her beauty standards are so weird. If some orc would kidnap her, she'd faint out of joy. Also, wine is made out of fruit, so it's healthy. Healthy things don't make you fat!
I helped some new refugee with her deliveries. I wish I'd get to do that more often, but they tend to be so busy. I think those refugee facewraps might be laced with scorch or slice spice or something, because the people that wear them are usually running around like headless chickens. I like helping people, even though I'm not really any good at it... Or maybe I am. At least in this case. It's not like showing people around is particularly difficult. It's a very utilitarian tour, though, since I can't just show beautiful vistas to them.
Tesrin Hray 30th
Some creeps tried to pay me to sniff a gnome! I'm not a whore! Especially not a cheap one! I'm very selective, and therefore high maintenance... Wait, what the fuck did I just write? Anyhow, those two were a real strange pair of gnome sniffers, and then the gnome grew to the size of Boucher, for some reason. Then he tempted everyone by acting like he was about to jump off the Krak's roof, but didn't do it, because he's such a teasing piece of shit. I really wanted to see him do one of those jumps that jesters do, too. A couple of flips, straight into a barrel. That'd been amazing! What an utter disappointment!
And then? Meadow and Anais went on a date with that strange duo. Who sniff gnomes. I really have to emphasize this. They. Sniff. Gnomes. They're gnome sniffers! And for Meadow and Anais, this apparently means that they're the catch of the town. I have never before seen such an utter lack of self-respect and taste. Meadow went from Dustwink – who, I'd like to add, is a literal GLOOM GOD – to a gnome whose only hobbies are eating too much pork and paying people to sniff him. What's wrong with her? What's wrong with Anais? I will never forget that horrific sight! The Soot Lamp's mysteriously oneiric atmosphere has been ruined forever!
I guess other things happened too, but they all pale in comparison. Meadow made me more seedpods, and she's even going to teach me how to make them, next time. I also discovered that we're both terrible at maths! I'm going to ask Zain to teach me. It's really embarassing that I can just barely manage fractions! And what the fuck is a polynomial?! I thought a floor function was just whatever you use the floor for, like floor pillows... I hate maths! Whoever invented them should be arrested!
Kanön Hray 1st
Senior Scribe... I like the sound of that. Sort of. I don't really care much for titles. What I do care about is... Keys! So many glorious keys! They didn't let me have any at first, and now I have at least as many as Martin does... Why does he have so many, anyhow? He probably ends up eating most of them, somehow. Anyhow, this will make my work much easier... And I now have a very convenient place to go for a smoke, since nobody's ever there.
The first Assembly in a while, and it was a curious mix of chaos and efficiency. I don't know how we ended up getting so much done in the end. I also got paid a lot. We should keep the agenda queue for that reason alone... But I'm sure that people will complain about it enough and I have to think of other venues of income again. Not that I'm destitute, or anything. On the contrary, I have very few things to spend my money on, since the merchants here only sell gaudy garbage. A house is still too expensive because of taxes, so I don't know what I'll spend my money on. I never pay during dates, either, so... I guess I might buy a kitten for Zain or something. Kittens are really expensive, right? They must be, with how cute they are.
And Narwen gave me a muffin! It was very tasty. I wish I had one of those banana nut muffins, though. Oh, yeah, she showed me a bunch of poems, too, that she had found... They were very good! I like those poems that are written from the perspective of the common man... Even though my beauty is not common in the least, I'm pretty common otherwise... I guess? Anyhow, the poems were kind of whiny, but so am I, so I obviously identified with them. The poems are about the Ticker Square, and it sounds like a weird and depressing place. I'm glad it's gone? I don't really mean that. I'm sure that some people liked it.
Kanön Hray 2nd
I kept having nightmares about clocks chasing me. They had tiny mechanical hooves and everything. And razor-sharp teeth! That's some disturbing shit. I don't even like regular clocks, in the first place. I kind of just like letting time drift by. Who cares what time it is? Oh yeah, plenty of people do, including my bosses.
The saga of Domhnall's greasy visions is hopefully over, and we are all the wiser for it. If a strange greasy spirit tells you that there's kids trapped somewhere, you should probably listen to it, because it's probably telling the truth. And everyone else should just act as if that's perfectly normal and sane. Also, Domhnall isn't a hopeless drunk, he's just whimsical. I'm glad that those kids are all right. Mostly all right. Somewhat all right. They're alive. Hopefully their time as orphans won't be as rough as mine. I mean, I didn't have radiation burns as a kid, as far as I can remember, so they probably have it rougher already.
Domhnall taught me how to play Royal Dragon. I'm no good at it... I keep standing too soon, I think. Or that Upcard Slade is a dirty lying cheat! I had fun anyway. Lucrecia fell asleep at the table, though. She can't gamble because of her upbringing, or something. That's sad. Or maybe it just means that the people that raised her actually care about her. That must be nice. I wonder if a player can cheat at Royal Dragon? Just wondering. I don't want to lose my legs, after all.
From the plethora of my duties, I think I might enjoy these profiles the most, in the end... That might just be the wine talking. If I wasn't drinking so much during the interviews, maybe I'd hate it? Though I'm kind of getting used to them? They're still difficult, but I don't feel like fainting when I ask questions now. I wonder who will get nominated for a profile, next? I hope it's Nadiri Lucian Nailo. He's easily the most mysterious man in the Well! I want his life story! He has a certain je ne sais quoi to him! I think that everyone would flock to the Pyramid to read his profile!
Kanön Hray 3rd
Scrollo's dead! They were the only talking scroll that I've ever known. Being a talking scroll must be a hellish existence, because they pleaded for euthanasia. Well, they didn't, actually... They just wanted to be thrown off a ledge so that they could fly free... But Kreutz threw them towards the Shade, from atop the Mount, and well... I kind of feel bad for not actually granting them their wish of writing my next work on them, but I've got a real bad case of writer's block, and hell if I can come up with a few hot descriptions of beautiful beaus in such a short time, or on such limited space. If my novelettes could talk, would people be all hot and bothered even more...?
Sometimes I hate having a lot of money. Instead of people who actually need it, I get rich creeps like Qari and his oversized manservant trying to woo their way into my coinpurse. Why the fuck would I need your help with my novelettes? People read them already. I think having them be recommended by the most infamous absentee of the Well would mean that less people would read them. I'm not doing it for the money, either. Not like a Gold could understand that... I write because it's fun... I write because I like making people laugh, or even just smile... And I write because I like describing hot guys.
I've been meaning to give some money to Lucrecia and Khalid anyhow, so having another excuse to do so meant that I actually remembered to do it. It's a lot of money, I suppose, but it's for a good cause. Both of them seemed really surprised. I guess I'm still enough of an asshole for that to be the case... And maybe I shouldn't admit this amidst actual charity, but I'd rather give my money to Anais and Meadow, than anyone in in the League of Gold. I mean, Mari doesn't need it, so... I'm kind of curious about what sort of harebrained scheme those two would come up with when granted proper funding. Not curious enough to actually do so, though, thankfully.
The sundowning grandpa kept talking as if I had written a report about the rescue of those children... So I was ordered to actually write it. So that he doesn't look foolish, I guess. If he starts yelling about how Bashir wrote a report about the Moonfolk invading and stealing his dentures, I'm not writing that shit. I'd just walk away, go to my room, and sleep on the couch, while the Fourth would bang on the door and yell questions about why the Purple Wanderer is trying to blow up the moon.
Kanön Hray 4th
Mother's Rest... A beautiful oasis, with plenty to see. Yet I was simply distracted by the statue there, in the end... I never knew my mother. I don't know her face. I don't know her voice. I don't know if she wanted me, or not... I don't know if she gave me away, or if I was taken from her. It hurts not knowing, but perhaps the truth would hurt even more... When people speak of their mothers, I try to change the topic as soon as possible.
As for the woman who "raised" me... I still see Saida, sometimes. Not literally, of course... But sometimes, when I am dancing... I am reminded of her. Her malnourished frame, dancing amongst cadavers and viscera... Blood shrouding her maddened glee, her pipeweed-stained teeth stuck in a morbid grin... I still hate her. But it is an empty sort of hatred. Whatever flame it had to it was extinguished ages ago. It is always there, so instinctual that it comes as natural as breathing... Only noticeable when I am reminded of it. And when I am? It feels hollow.
Yet I won't let such memories ruin one of the purest joys that I know. The world around me may as well crumble, but I shall continue dancing until the very end. An absurd act of defiance, perhaps, but an act nevertheless...
I wrote that before I got assaulted by Mr. Mouse. I still believe in what I wrote, even if my pride is a little wounded... Running for dear life is something that I've been doing more often lately, but I certainly wasn't expecting to do so at the Pyramid. So much panic, so little time, so many stabs through skin by blades that seared my very blood... I hated it, and I hate the cheap fucking doors that we have there. They shut in your face when you need them open, since we're too stingy to buy stoppers... And when you need to close them? They won't budge.
Why'd he attack me? Well, there's four possibilites, two of which are interlinked. Maybe three. Option #1: He got mad when I said that barely anyone remembers him. The truth might hurt, but it's all there is in the end. Option #2: He wanted more attention. He loves it. He craves it. My remark might've stirred a thirst. Option #3: Someone paid him to do it. I have an inkling about who it could be, if it did happen. The Banda did seem genuinely disappointed in him, which means that if there was a contract, it wasn't approved by them. Option #4: He genuinely did want to mug me. Which makes him the stupidest thief that I've ever seen. Why'd he try to do that right next to a Janissary, on one of the more secure floors of the Pyramid? It's gutsy, sure, but not in a way that impresses people. Especially since he failed to actually steal anything.
Look at me. I'm a regular Jo Hardacre. Except that I get even less respect, and my life is worth about 2000 dinari. I don't know how much money Hardacre's made, actually. I really fucked up with that contract... Maybe the dividends will start rolling in soon, and it'll be like 5000 a month. But then I'd have even more potential assholes trying to potentially mug me. What's a suitable amount of money to have where you aren't destitute, but you don't garner any unwanted attention, either? Because I want that.
Oh, and I did go dancing. Like I do every night. Every single one. That fascinated gaze, all focused on me? From whomever I'm dancing with, and from the crowd? That is what keeps me going. Maybe it is meaningless to most... But to me, it is everything.
Kanön Hray 5th
I got a letter from Zain! I stopped everything else I was doing, and wrote a letter in return immediately. After that, I just laid on the couch and kept reading his letter over and over again! Of course, I could've just walked over to the Tower to see him, but I really like writing letters. There's something really sentimental about it! I wish I got more letters. Well, I do get a lot already, so I guess I mean more letters that I want to receive. I mostly get awful poems from past wooers... Or solicitations for money... Or complaints about my work from people who have nothing better to do...
Everyone keeps talking about money to me, now. It's really fucking annoying. Especially when I've been experimenting with mixing some powdered mica in my kohl... And nobody notices! Like, I have twinkly makeup on, and instead, these fucking creeps somehow know how much dinari I have in my coinpurse, and talk about that, instead. I'm starting to hate money. I have a big investment in mind, though, so maybe that'll help dissuade them from bothering me.
Risked a jaunt to Nusrum, even though it's really dangerous there now... But I didn't want Anais and Meadow getting in any trouble! The excavation seemed like business as usual, until a bunch of undead kept appearing and appearing... One after another... So many ghuuls! And strange dark magics... Maya saw a snake, supposedly? I didn't see one... Well, I was too busy running around and slinging bullets to notice, maybe. Maybe the snake was just cooling off in the ruins, and those nasty undead woke it up.
Finding a cat seems really difficult... Lynneth had a black cat, but it just wandered inside the College one day, supposedly. That doesn't help me much. I can't just wish for another cat to do that into my room or something. Meadow showed me a few cats, but they were way too big, and Zain specifically wants a black cat, so that he can complete the motif of a classical magician. There must be a pet shop somewhere in the Souk... I'll keep looking and looking, until I find it. Or maybe I should just put up a few posters instead.
Kanön Hray 6th
I get no respect. First they make me reveal the extent of my wealth to the entirety of the Well, and then immediately afterwards they make me stand outside a door for at least half an hour with nobody to talk to. That latter task is apparently manageable by a janissary with actual brain damage, so I can see how fucking little they think of me. If they ask me to clean the lavatories next, I'm hiring Boots to shove their head in the latrine. Doesn't matter who it is. You're getting the latrine. Fuck you.
Because of all this, walking around in public is harrowing, because I can feel the stares of everyone I pass by, and I keep wondering if they're going to shank me. And every single conversation is about money. Well, Atticus asked about something else, since he had been wandering around the wastes all this time, or something. That was pleasant. I think if this keeps going on for more than a week, I'm just going to quit the job and leave town. Retire to Frostport or something. Start brewing that disgusting milkohol that they have. Doing that would probably pay little enough that nobody would pay attention to my wealth anymore.
As money is completely meaningless now, because anyone can mug me at any point, I just threw a huge sack of it at Dustwink. It's obvious that the gloomcards mean a great deal to him, so I want the Gloomsday tournament to be successful. And okay, I want there to be a fun festival too, an occasion where everyone can just get really drunk and forget about their troubles for a while. I can't always manage that, these days, since my tolerance has gotten depressingly high, and sometimes even ten bottles don't get me comfortably numb.
I wish I had talent for adventuring... Then I'd just join the Balladeers... Or the Torchbearers... Exploring with Anais and Meadow would be far more pleasant than any of this. But I'm stuck, like I have always been. In the past I could say that at least this work pays well, but now I'm not too sure if I even want that. I just want to feel comfortable for once in my life. Just for a moment. But I can't have even that.
Kanön Hray 7th
Another encounter with the ayyabasim... As mysterious as the first one. I wonder just how often they are present, in the end? They seem to be so good at hiding that one might be looking over my shoulder as I write this and I would be none the wiser. Creepy. I suppose that there's plenty of questions that the others would've wanted to know, but there was little time for such... My questions, as always, would've been far simpler than theirs, most likely. Like what do the ayyabasim eat? I kind of get the feeling that their cuisine consists of a lot of raw food. I don't know why, they just give me that sort of vibe. Then again, if one of their statements is taken literally, then their diet is far more bizarre and disgusting than that.
After that encounter, we met a walking, dancing mushroom. Didn't talk though. But it really seemed to like dancing, so we showed it some of our moves... After which we helped it get back home. Some massive sibilant had bullied it away. Slaying that giant lizard was a troublesome affair. The mushroom proceeded to, well... Eat the corpse, and grew a few sizes. A disgusting sight, so I did my best to avert my gaze... It gave us strange gifts in return, though, so I guess it enjoyed its meal. That little buddy was absolutely adorable, despite its disgusting diet... But I'm not sure if I agree with Alejandro... Anything that walks on two legs is just a questionable choice for a pet.
Despite the disgusting details, writing this made me really hungry... I could go for a few turkey eggs. I've taken to adding some to my salads, since it makes for a quick, healthy snack. I think turkey eggs are healthy, anyhow? Certainly healthier than sibilant meat. Awful. I kind of wish I knew how to cook myself, but chefs tend to have terrible fates here, for some strange reason. What a cursed profession.
Kanön Hray 8th
I tried showing Donny, Shum and Cabbage some places in the Ashways. It was mostly just them wandering around, though. I did manage to lead them to the places I wanted to show. Even if the attempt was made more difficult by the fact that the last time I was there, everything was really, really red. I mean, that doesn't actually change the directions, but it does fuck with my visual memory. A pleasant enough affair, even if Donny continues to be a highly distracting presence. And I got to buy some rare wine, too! I'm sure all of it is entirely legitimate! No bootleg liquor to be found there, I'm certain!
Also managed to find some of Alejandro's hidden poems... He's so talented! Poems are certainly a grand reward for doing some exploring... They did make me a bit misty-eyed, though. I tend to cry a lot when I come face to face with something beautiful. But I can't just do that, because people are such horrid brutes, and make fun of me for doing so. They can just hide their emotions, and proceed to have a lot of unnecessary baggage! Then later on, all of those passions will explode in the most volatile fashion, leading to drama and trauma! Your own fault for not being in touch with your emotions, you jerks!
I was going to plant that dancing mushroom's gift, and bring more dancing mushrooms to the world, but there was a sudden poof of spores, and the mushroom stalk transformed into a cord of sorts... Which I am now using as a tasteful belt! Because I am part of the avant-garde of haute couture... I declare fungal based haberdashery to be a la mode, and a style that shall last until the very end of the world. However, there are limits to this motif, just as there is with any mode... Those mushroom hats that some gnomes wear? Way too goofy to be fashionable. Sorry, I don't make the rules. Well, I do, and I'm not sorry. Wear an actual hat, for fuck's sake!
Kanön Hray 9th
Abbayas. Such a desolate home. I don't know if I'd like to live in such a place... Yet dancing amongst the ash is something that I am deeply intrigued by. I crave attention though... to a certain extent, anyhow... so I'm not sure if I could survive living like that for very long. Just how many places like that are there left? Off the beaten bath, barely visited by most people...? I want to see them all. And I do mean all! I want to be the Scribe that knows every place by heart!
Dhoten is such a weirdo! I just wanted him to teach me how to make those strange paper crafts that he leaves around, but he refused, and then he began a barrage of rhymes about stars! That's such a weird way to make someone leave, but I guess it worked, since I just walked away quietly... I just want more practical skills. Like making strange, reality defying paper sculptures that give people migraines. Is that too much to ask...? I guess it is, actually.
Maybe the Sandstone College could teach me stuff like that...? But I'm not too sure if I could continue being a Scribe while studying. I'm so embarassed that I have no formal education though... I think people just assume that I do. I wonder if they have night courses...? I'd pay good money for them... Like really good money. I want to learn how to weave rugs... Paper crafts... Veterinary medicine... Baking... And I guess I want to learn some history too. I'd probably fall asleep at the desk, though... I kind of need a more hands-on approach to learning so I don't lose focus!
They kissed! I didn't see it, but I know that they did! I can barely contain myself! It's the love story of the century! Not even my novelettes get as steamy as that! Now I have to ensure that nothing goes wrong, so I can do the flower arrangements for their wedding! Love is a precious thing, innocent and pure... Uncorrupted by avarice or cruelty... And if anyone does anything to interfere with their love in any fucking way, I will make their life such a living hell that they will wish that they were never born!
I wish I could just fall in love to such an extent... But I'm always so scared that I'll lose him, no matter who it is... Either they'll learn how utterly broken I am, or they'll find someone else, or they'll get catch some exotic disease that can't be cured by divine magics and die and then I'll be all alone and I will never know if I can find anyone that can compare and I'll have to wear black for the funeral and I don't really like wearing all black and then they'll all stare at me and wonder how I feel and they'll have those awkward speeches and then everyone will judge me if I do actually find a new man and it'll be just horrible why can't love be simple I just want to wake up next to someone who loves me unconditionally and never leaves me and caresses my hair and tells me that it'll be all right even though the world is ending I hate all of this I need a smoke
Kanön Hray 10th
Jamileh came back! It was so touching to see her reunited with Alejandro! I am also starting to realize that my crying sounds really bizarre, but only when I'm doing so in public. It's like a seal's mating call, if they had something stuck up their nose. I wonder why that is? When I'm crying by myself, it is like the most beautiful lament, sung by a thousand doves, who came together in one pulchritudinous shell... Pulchritudinous is the most ugly word to describe beauty, and now that I've used it once, I shall never do so ever again!
Those Sandstone students interrupted my lunch with Zain! Don't they have studying to do?! If they do it again, I'm going to dump their books into the gutters! Learn about sewage systems on a practical level, you giant dweebs! I want Zain's apathetic attention all for myself, and if anyone distracts him, they'll live to regret it! Because I'll be a really mean bitch to them, most likely on a passive aggressive level... Which is the worst type of aggression!
Since Maddicus was up to his usual intracranial trauma induced shenanigans, I was in charge of deliveries for a while. I paid this Stonefolk refugee hundreds of dinari for some courier work... All the deliveries went to my dearest friends! Well, not all of them, since I have a lot of friends these days... But I didn't really want to tire the poor man too much. It was so fun though... I'll certainly be hiring couriers for such work in the future! I have so many ideas for gifts!
Meadow had a date with a wanted criminal... She sure knows how to pick them. Sayyida shaked her butt at him, I guess because she's into ugly criminals, too... Her butt made him so mad that we were forced to kill him in self-defense. And cut off his head. Because he had a bounty on him. And the only proof for a bounty is a severed head. Crime doesn't pay, and neither does dating Meadow. I mean, that's mean... I'm sure that if she attained a modicum of taste in men, she could make someone very happy.
Oh, and I also nearly died, because a sibilant thrusted their spear through me. There's that too. I hate travel, sometimes. I hate nearly dying, too. I think I might stay holed up in the Well for a while. I think. I'm too curious for my own good, though.
Kanön Hray 11th
Martin Ashbury... The most unfortunate man in Ephia's Well, and probably the most nightmarish colleague you could ever have. He was supposed to get Marcellus' sheets cleaned, and instead, a gust of wind carried him around the Well like a tiny leaf. He got stuck upside down on Elossi's roof, and had to be cut down. I told people that he would fall into the trash barrel below, but they didn't believe me. Of course, he proceeded to do just that. Nobody ever listens to me. I know Martin's antics better than they do...
And because I'm an utter idiot... After all of this, I decided that maybe, just maybe, Martin could handle one license. There's no way that he can fuck that up, right? It's a license. But somehow, he managed to set fire to our cabinet, destroying it and all of the licenses within. Not even ash remained afterwards. Fitting, considering his surname, I suppose. And the craziest detail...? He said that it was because some water was set ablaze. I think that he just mistook some oil or grease for water, or something. And if it was water...? He truly is the most cursed man alive.
But here's the thing about Martin. No matter how many times he fucks up, no matter how many accidents happen to him, no matter how many times I yell at him... He still doesn't quit. He might be a complete coward, yet he still has more willpower than most of our new recruits do. So, yeah, I kind of respect him on some level, despite how utterly dreadful it is to work alongside him sometimes. I suppose chasing after him is good exercise, too.
I knew that Alejandro's office was an utter mess, but I never expected his ceiling to come tumbling down! Thankfully I'm so quick on my feet that I wasn't hurt. Naelin's great aunt – who she keeps insisting is younger than her for some reason – almost died, though. Also, there probably was something in the dust of that ceiling, because we all hallucinated that a fireplace was speaking to us. That was some weird shit. I'm going to ask if we can have a meeting in my room next time. For safety reasons.
Okay, I really just want people to compliment my magnificently decorated room, especially my dazzlingly bountiful flowers.
Kanön Hray 12th
Anais is dead.
I cried... A lot. First time was me just screaming, and then just letting the tears come without any effort... Just let them trickle down my face. Second time was such a profuse effort, so elaborate that every inch of my face ached. And the third and the fourth... Just confused medleys of emotion where I didn't really know what I was feeling. Going without makeup for the rest of the day was a good decision.
I felt like yelling at the Tormented... But doing that attracts their attention. So I didn't. Anais would've called me a cowardly little shit for not doing that. Then after convincing me to do it, she would've done everything to keep me safe. Mostly due to the promise of a good scrap, I guess. And okay, she also cared about me.
I'll miss her. A lot. It'll be real weird not having her shrieking on the bellows. I also don't have anyone to play the insult game with anymore... There's Martin, but he breaks so easily that I could say anything at all and he'd immediately quit, so that's not really the same...
Flowers for her grave: edelweiss and white chrysanthemum. I probably won't be able to get those in this damned place, but... I guess attempting to find them is enough. I guess.
Goodbye, Anais.
Kanön Hray 13th
I think Marcellus' dementia is getting worse every day! It's making more decisions for the Well than he is! Eventually it's going to manifest as a person, or something, because truth is forged by meaningful action here. Or something. I don't know what personified dementia looks like, though. Like him, but even older, I suppose. Not the first time I see the mental state of my "bosses" deteriorate, and this time it isn't even my fault! Importing milk from Frostport is going to get really expensive if this keeps going... At least it's good for international relations, I guess?
The Sandstone keeps getting more and more students... Which would be good, if it were not for their absolutely hideous uniforms. I feel like screaming every time I see them. What a travesty of fashion. I'm pretty sure that they're repurposed gunny sacks. Simply dreadful! And I see that uniform every single day, since Alecto keeps lingering around the Pyramid, for reasons unknown to everyone else but him. If I was a student, I certainly wouldn't be spending time there. You have studying to do! Parties to go to! Younger students to bully! Drugs to sell to pay for tuition! None of that can be done at the Pyramid! At least not easily! Get out!
A casual get-together at my home, and everyone complimented my absolutely fabulous decor. I deserve it! Interior decorator is just one of many possible career paths for me after I get fired after a scandal of some sort. And here's the good thing: being part of a scandal is good advertisement for interior decorators and beuticians, because scandalous people tend to be at the fore of good taste! Well, scandalous people like me... Anyhow, I wish there were more occasions like that, but usually it's just three hours of people yapping about the Gate of Sand. Simply dreadful! This, on the other hand, was so pleasant that I didn't even get drunk after it.
Well, I tried to, but I was too giddy to focus on the drinking!
Kanön Hray 14th
What a strange day. Dhoten collapsed at the Plaza, and proceeded to vomit an entire ocean to the sands... A hole in reality, supposedly. That hole led to a dimension of fish! After some astral fishing with a fishing rod that was supposedly more idea than material, the ambassador of the talking astral fish people came forth, and asked us to seal the hole... Zain, being the utterly ingenious and ever talented sweetheart that he is, managed to do just that. He sewed it shut with needle and thread! He's amazing!
After that, Zain brought me some gifts to work again... And he let me hug him! This was our second hug! I can't wait for the third! And the fourth! And the fifth! And the... I shouldn't list all of them, that would take forever. I really need to find that cat, so I can go up to the tower, and surprise him with it... Just carry a little kitten in my pocket, ask him to close his eyes, then drop the cute little feline on his head! Though I think that might be too surprising. Maybe just drop it in his hands instead.
Domhnall held a lecture about Asterabadian Theory... It was pretty popular, but most of the people present were just heckling him. Apparently Asterabadi wrote about passionate attraction? I wanted to hear about that, since it seems far more interesting than all the other boring things people were asking about. If philosophy was more about passion, attraction and hot love, I'd read more of it! A page or two, at least, since I don't read any at all right now.
Also that projection device at the Sandstone nearly blew up during it! I wish it had! Not that I didn't like Domhnall's lecture, but it would've been a really memorable ending to the whole affair... A real explosive finish!
Kanön Hray 15th
I was sleeping at the Pyramid for the night. Kept laying in bed, staring at the bookcases, wondering if Martin was going to wake me up like he had so many times before in the past. Returning to that sort of life feels strange enough on its own, but then there's Mari...
She was one of the first friends that I made here... Probably the first actual friend, really. Thinking of her now fills me with that same empty rage that I've grown so accustomed to. That anger that's just there, and you accept that there isn't really anything you can do about it. Just wallow in it... And the trial was like that too. Though I was still silly enough to try to sway him, at the end, to attempt to hint that maybe everything presented there wasn't as it seemed. But it was pointless.
I was surprised that I wasn't brought to the stand about it. A lot of people knew about our friendship. Perhaps the nature of it was evident enough? That it simply was someone who was withering, reaching for the warmth of an admittedly complicated figure. I always expected the usual accusations of being a Gellemede, but they never came. Yet perhaps my simple nature is also evident enough to dispell such suspicions. Too stupid to be a cultist... Too easily distracted to meditate on the divine... Too simple to understand any of it.
Next time I visit Hufaidh, I'm leaving something there... Something that'll bear some meaning for a moment, but will slowly start losing it as soon as time directs its rusting hold towards it. Fitting.
I loved her.A dream.
A gaggle of guests. They wear the finest of silks, yet lack the taste to achieve even basic color coordination. They could pay for someone else to choose for them, yet they are too miserly to do it. Wealth collects dust in their tacky abodes, never used for anything meaningful. I despise them.
I stand, tray in hand. The glasses clink against each other on occasion, as I drift through the room, offering wine to each and every toplofty twit. Just wine, this time. There is no dreammist boiling in a kettle, no chaunsel being applied to disgusting, flabby bodies that have never known hard labor. Hedonism is not in style, tonight. Their words repeat, and so do mine, an echo of meaningless decorum.
"It is no trouble."
She surrounds herself with guests, but only the ones that help her maintain appearances. They laugh at her comments, she merely smiles at theirs. She isn't funnier. She merely has more status. Her stare meanders towards me on occasion, her smile growing more pronounced every time she hears it.
"It is no trouble."
The words that she taught me so well. A reflex, born out of fear. Her endless insults, drilling their way into the deepest recesses of my pained mind. Her sickeningly bony fingers... Slapping against my face. Pulling on my hair. Choking my neck. Her gaudily painted nails, boring into my skin. Countless marks of abuse, that I cover beneath cloth, makeup and performance.
"It is no trouble."
I haunt the guests that she has pointed out. Listen to every secret that the wine manages to pry out of their thick skulls. To them, I am the ever diligent servant, ready to attend to whatever whims they think that they deserve fulfilled. In truth, I am a mere ferret, foraging through their trash for tasty morsels. They keep thanking me, as if any of these acts of survival were done for their sake on any level.
"It is no trouble."
Kanön Hray 16th
Visiting Il Modo was a grand occasion. Everything they have is marvelous and beautiful. Their architecture, their fabrics, their people... I bought so many souvenirs that my bag nearly fell apart. Even their temple was wondrous, and I really don't understand much about religion... My favorite thing, though... The eel pie. It is so tasty, and I wish I could have some every day.
Coming back home, though? I felt like utter shit. I am most likely a worse Scribe than Martin is, because at least his pratfalls wouldn't have caused an international incident. Probably not. I thought I had all the relevant facts, and it turned out that I didn't have any facts at all. I spent an hour just staring at the Sandstone, wondering if I should just quit and start studying rug weaving. But I think I would be the shittiest student, too. I really don't know what I want to do with my life right now.
And it's that same problem again... Everyone keeps saying that I'm doing a good job, but I really am not. I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing. Especially not what I'm supposedly doing right. On occasion I feel like I'm starting to ease into the job, then something like this comes along and I feel like screaming from the top of my lungs. It's just awful.
And I can't even sleep at my room, right now, because that hitman is still probably looking for me. I can't afford a guard posted at my door every night. I'm scared of going there. I'm scared of going anywhere. I wish I could have some peace, even for a moment. I wish my friends would stop dying. I wish I could find a husband and just raise camels or something.
I hate my life.
Kanön Hray 17th
A parrot obsessed with knobs flew to the Krak, and asked for help for his master! Zauzar enlisted me, so that the occasion could be recorded... Which I guess I am doing right now? Anyhow, we met with the ex-pirate Spem Nurto, former captain of the Ol' Wobbler, in Qadira. He needed some help with his ex-wife, Salty Sue... Which is to say that he wanted us to kill that bitch. And what a salty bitch she was! She was some kind of malignant sea spirit, guarded by a throng of undead! I'd have qualms with such a contract, if she hadn't been such a bitch. I mean, I'm one too, but I don't have undead pirates for minions. But I still get contracts on my beautiful person!
There's a new tabloid in town: The Ashstorm Times. That's all well and good... Actually, is it...? These tabloids are such nuisances, usually... Anyhow, the really important thing is that the reporters for the rag are called Dick and Willie. Dick and Willie! Dick. Willie. I couldn't believe it! Being around those two buffoons will strain my implicative tendencies! I couldn't live without innuendo!
Boops got assaulted by a scorch fiend... It wasn't Boots, though. Boots is missing. Boops is alive, Boots might be dead. Maybe of dehydration after he found a particularly intriguing wall. Boops and Boots. Boots and Boops. Sounds like a children's tale... Anyhow, Boops is all right, and I'm glad of that... I've lost enough friends already... What's really surprising is that she had no idea that I'm into guys. But after she explained why, a whole bunch of things started making sense!
Oh, I also saw a camel transform into a cloud of cards... That was weird.
Kanön Hray 18th
Zain made me some shoes! A pair of soles! Pair-o'-soles! They're the most amazing shoes ever made, because he made them... And we hugged for the third time! He even leaned in closer! It was amazing... The best hug I've ever had, because it felt so comfy... Now I really need to treat him to a special lunch of some sort, but... We'll probably just go to Mro Po's, since he's such a good chef. And if we went anywhere fancier, we'd probably get thrown out, because Magnifica eating some fancy grub would probably be a breach of decorum... I think a chubby hen eating food meant for people is just cute, personally! Coming up with these posters for the cat is so difficult, since I want them to be perfect, and to attract as much attention as possible...
I was so giddy for so long, and I would've probably stayed that way if the rest of the day wasn't such shit! The Fourth and the Rose had yet another fight, and the Fourth thought that was the best moment to announce Squeev's death to everyone... Guess those helmets don't really guard you from brain damage. And during that...? I was helping Domergue with fashion. Turns out that I hate designing for leather armor... Leather pants, sure, that's real easy... Armor? Awful! Simply dreadful! The selection that they have at the Hall is just abysmal!
But yeah, Squeev's dead! I remember when I first met him... I thought he was just some two dinari drug dealer, but it turned out that he was a real nice guy! Really good at navigating the... social landscape... or whatever. I guess having all the narcotics in the world on hand helped with that, but he was a pretty good speaker, too. I hope they hang the bastards who killed him! Usually I'm squeevish about such things, but those assholes deserve it!
Oh yeah, and everyone had visions where a tiny little bloke was yelling at Domhnall, or something. That was weird. I don't know if it's weirder than that camel transforming into cards, but...
Kanön Hray 19th
Cavanaugh threatened Mro Po! Why would you do that to one of the nicest people, and easily the best chef, in the Well? What an asshole! It nearly caused a riot too, there were fireworks and everything. Then there was an improptu assembly, which was mostly about justice for Mro Po to begin with... Then they forgot about it and wanted to talk about licenses instead. I don't know why anyone would want to talk about them voluntarily. I've sold eighty of them and I certainly don't feel doing that! I wish people would stop spreading nonsense about our records, though!
There was a trial for Boops! They tried to accuse her of brooking, even though her releasing that giant, ancient (?) evil sibilant was an absolute accident! She still should've been more careful, I suppose... I mean, it is a giant skull, you probably shouldn't be reading any spooky runed attached to it... Anyhow, even though she was self-advocating, she was easily the most prepared advocate I've ever seen! No wonder the verdict said that she was not guilty!
I have so much work now... Everyone keeps asking me to do this and that... At least it pays well. I still wish that people would understand that it's just me and Aaisha that are available for these varied duties... Two people can't take care of everything! Unless you want a really shoddy job, I guess. If it gets out of control, I'll just direct them to Martin. At least they'll get some entertainment out of it.
Kanön Hray 20th
It's election season, again. It's the busiest time for us Scribes. There's interviews to be had, debates to be prepared and dumb questions from the candidates to answer. Some creep wanted all of the candidates to die, too... Except for Lucrecia. I guess they either like her, or have no idea who she is. That's sad. The latter part, I mean. I mean, I guess the first part is sad too, since she would be liked by a sociopath, then.
I also interviewed Domhnall... I'm getting better at it. I guess? I can actually think up of relevant questions now. And I don't get distracted by, like, I don't know, a cat wandering in or something. Then again that didn't happen, so maybe I would've if it did happen. Okay, it would, because I need that cat for Zain. Anyhow, writing a profile for a Legate is so much responsibility. I hope that I can manage it well...
Other than that... Not much happened. Everyone was busy in the League offices, making a bunch of strange promises that will probably make the Well a worse place to live if they pass. Everyone except us Purples, I guess. I think we should have some actual meetings, too, but I sure as hells am not going to host them. Unless I can have a tea party. But then it would be a really boring tea party, since everyone would be talking about politics. Nasreen can take care of that, I suppose... I'm going to be busy with the interviews and possible debate anyhow.
Oh yeah, Dhoten was supposedly spinning in the air, puking up some worms and yelling out a prophecy of ill portent, but I missed it. Damn. I am so disappointed that I didn't see such a disgusting sight. I'm definitely not being sarcastic.
Kanön Hray 21st
I really hate this job sometimes. Most of the time. I had to lie to Zain because of it. A tiny lie, but I've never felt so much guilt about lying ever before. The clandestine nature of some of these tasks is awful, even if I understand the "why" of it...
I was going to whine about a bunch of stuff, but then I got the news...
I was awake for most of the night, crying with the pillow against my face.
I don't feel like writing more.
Drunken scribbles on a sheet between some pages
don't have the guts to tell the only guy who's ever actually cared how you really feel how's that for cowardice so afraid of losing people that you don't even fucking make initiatives because you think that you'll lose it you don't have enough of a heart to love fucking coward
"only idiots dislike you" well that list grows with every day because while i try to help nobody even fucking notices and my personality is so radiant that it keeps anyone with sense away FUCK i just
ten thousand to the treasury ten thousand to the treasury ten thousand to the treasury and nobody gives a fuck could've used that money for myself and they wouldn't even fucking notice because they don't notice anything i do they just say their vague thanks and start yelling at me the moment i make one tiny mistake
the laborer needs a good shot of scorch after all that hard work thanks for that fucking insight it isn't like it's fucking demeaning and you have hundreds of workers laboring under you most of whom have never held a quill in their hand never mind the fucking needle why would he say that why would he
and they'll sell every piece of the pyramid to make a promise so why does it matter why does any of it matter when some upstart keeps making promises just to sit on the throne without gaining anything in return other than remaining in said seat how does that even fucking make sense they'll just remember you as a fucking fool WHO GAVE EVERYTHING AND GAINED NOTHING
act like everything's fine and they don't notice and don't ask any awkward questions not that they actually care when they do because every fucking body in this stupid fucking town has to have an angle and not ACTUALLY FUCKING CARE ABOUT PEOPLE ON ANY FUCKING LEVEL WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU I DIDN'T HAVE PARENTS AND I CARE MORE THAN YOU DO i should be declared the actor of the year because pretending that i do not despise every callous act that they do is like a spokes damned rusty nail ripping through my skin my heart my soul do any of you care no you just want more meaningless shit to build a legacy of garbage atop a throne so meagre that nobody else but you shall remember it good work
Kanön Hray 22nd
There is a certain art to saying that you're sorry. It is an even more laborious of a task to say it and mean it. The latter is fairly new to me. Who knows how many years I spent with people that raised offense just for the sake of doing so... Towards such opportunistic cretins, apologies are merely something to demand, something that affirms yet does not mend. Even if I do not wish for reasons to be apologetic, I am glad that I can do so with meaning...
There is a certain harshness to saying goodbye. Especially when you don't know if they'll come back. You want assurance, the foreknowledge that everything will be all right, that nobody will be hurt. Yet if a goodbye didn't carry such worries, how much would it mean in the first place?
There is a certain dissonance to having events occur around you, and knowing that you couldn't have changed their course. Yet that resistance grounds oneself to the world, forcing you to be a part of it. If I could choose the aftermath of each and every occurrence, would they bear any meaning?
There is a certain sadness to it all, yet I do not know if I could live without such sorrows without feeling hollow.
Kanön Hray 23rd
Kayo's dead... Boucher too. Kayo seemed to have had a rough life, and not just because of those countless scars and bruises... Didn't enjoy crowds very much. I guess that necessarily doesn't mean that there's some trauma behind it, but... Anyhow, he really didn't deserve any of that... If the rumors I heard about Boucher were true, then his past didn't really show up in our interactions at all. He only yelled at me once, and apologized immediately. That's far better than... well, just about anyone else in the Well.
Maybe if I had funded Kayo, too, he'd be all right... I don't know. I really don't know. I want to accept it, and I don't want to accept it. I want to blame myself, but in the end, my part in stuff like this is so residual that I'm not sure if I should.
As for some lighter thoughts... I've been looking all over for some banana bread. Not just for me, either, I want to get Zain some. Admittedly my cravings tend to be highly specific... Like right now, I'd pay at least half a thousand for some chal, if I could get it immediately. It's so good... I like sour things... Well, I like all flavors, but right now I want something salty and sour in my mouth.
And now I want some musakhan... I'll offer someone thousand dinari if they get me some with some chal on the side... Why must food be so expensive...? Oh wait, I could probably get all of this for less than a hundred. I hate numbers.
Kanön Hray 24th
I heard that Narwen went back home! I didn't even get to say goodbye! It's awful... I really like spending time with her... I'm going to write her a letter. Figuring out which perfume to use will be tough, since she's such a bundle of personality, and I have so many different ones that are nature themed... Since Narwen can talk with flowers, can she talk with my perfumes, too, if they used them as ingredients...? Or is that like talking to a really residual corpse...? Maybe I shouldn't think about that too hard.
Martin von Boiren and his gaggle of bald idiots are trying to bring moteism back! I didn't know that so many people in the Well wear wigs, but membership in the MRA is a certain sign of baldness! There's also a strong correlation with membership and being a lazy, fat fuck too! Martin von Boiren's office smells of pork fat, which I don't think is just a coincidence, either... I hate prejudice! Anyone who hates gnomes should be shot out of a ballista into the desert! But since they're so fat, it would have to be a really big and sturdy ballista! It should be illegal to be fat, so such expenses wouldn't be necessary!
Also, I learned a new word... Shaadenfirouzeh. It means to take pleasure from the suffering of others! It sounds like a fancy academic word, so it must come from Baz'eel. I don't think I want to go to Baz'eel if they get pleasure from such things...
Kanön Hray 25th
I wish I knew magic... Powerful mages can just float around like it's nothing. Maybe that's really bad for your legs, though? Worse than sitting, since you're using them for absolutely nothing? Who knows?
Cawford is a peculiar familiar. He keeps flying around town, looking for scrolls and shiny things to eat. Thankfully it's magical scrolls, so my complete lack of magical knowledge is actually useful for once. By protecting possessions that I do not have from being eaten by a magical seagull...? I don't know. His mistress, Miranda, is really nice. Really sleepy, though. A lot of people are sleepy here. Even Naelin, and she's an elf!
I really don't like Jamileh. An excavation goes wrong, plenty of people almost die, and she blames it on "stupid remarks" and a lack of "gravitas". How does that make any sense?! Barely anyone said anything during the entire trip! I know that it was mostly pointed at me too! I was just recording things quietly, how would it be my fault?! She can go fuck herself! I'm going to ask someone else to be assigned to that task. Almost dying is bad enough, but then getting blamed for that, along with the risk towards others, when I was just doing my fucking job silently, is way too much. Have fun finding another Scribe who's willing to do the job, bitch!
Though... Lately people have been doing our jobs for us, so this assignment was kind of one of the only things left that others can't do. I can't answer questions about the Pyramid, because some arse will start answering them immediately before I can, I can't interview the candidates, I can't host a debate, I probably won't be selling licenses within a month... They aren't even getting paid to do those things, so it's really weird. I suppose some idiot will volunteer to do the profiles for free next, or transcribing the meetings... Soon the only duty left for us will be to be Martin's caretaker. What a nightmarish thought.
Kanön Hray 26th
I think Marcellus forgot which League he's in! He's so old! I don't want to start attaching notes to things just so that he doesn't forget what they are... How do you forget that, anyway? You were directly assigned to the seat by the League after Zaniah croaked! Old age must be hell for humans! Anyhow, I hope that us Hin don't age that badly. I want to live until I'm 153! I'll become a wizened cave dweller and share ancient wisdoms to youngsters that pass by. Hopefully I'll share the cave with him... Actually living in a cave sounds fucking awful, I don't know why I would even dream of that. I guess I'm just going by what the future looks like right now. It might just be all caves and dwelling in them.
I was interviewing Domergue, and Martin interrupted it... He does that a lot. Interruptions in general, I mean. He started crying so I threw a kerchief at him. That just made him look like a kerchief ghost, running around like the least spooky spirit ever... Then he hid behind the bookcase again. I'm not cleaning it from his tears... And then, some mage teleported me and Domergue to the Tower of Q'tolip! The mage didn't even tell us why! How rude! If I knew magic, and had important enough business to do that, I would tell people why... But mages are highly irresponsible... Why must everyone else know magic but me?
Also Shum keeps insisting that he's been practising climbing and such... I don't believe him for a second! If he did train, you certainly can't see the results. Maybe he just read a book about all that. Some things can't be learned from books... If he had as much strength as he does manners, he could climb any mountain with one hand!
Anyhow, why doesn't he just cast a spell to levitate...? Maybe that's not a spell that all mages know.
Kanön Hray 27th
Maybe Jamileh isn't so bad... She apologized. Usually the people that've made me angry just avoid me, by finding convenient excuses to go elsewhere when they see me. I'm not sure why! I'm not that scary when I'm angry... Sure, I won't talk to you, and I'll keep glaring at you, and I'll make sure that you'll never have any meaningful relationships ever again, but... Wait, I guess that is somewhat scary, actually.
They made me an advocate! I had to defend Bai Fang, and... Jugs? I think his name was Jugs. Anyhow, I utterly failed the case, despite a lot of people saying I did a good job... Maybe it was good that I failed, though, since Bai Fang transformed into a giant serpent's head after she got executed...? Or maybe that could've been avoided. I don't know, I don't understand sibilants, or cultists, or anything that happens here, really... Poor Jugs, though. He seemed so young. For an elf.
Xon split into multiple copies of himself! Or something like that. I don't really get it, either. His copies varied in size, and some of them just spun around the Pilgrim wildly... Then they flew off towards the stars. So weird... But since so many weird things happen around him, maybe it'll start feeling normal at some point...? I mean, he must be used to it himself, by now...
Boops changed her name! She's Bea now! Well, Beatrice. Beatrice's an old woman's name... She could've called herself... Bonnie Margo! That's like a folk heroine's name... "The Collected Adventures of Bonnie Margo"... That would sell like grumblecakes, based on the title alone! Beatrice Margo sounds like a librarian... It's her choice, in the end. At least "Bea" is a cute nickname.
Kanön Hray 28th
I'm used to Xon spinning in air by now, but this time he also made Jamileh spin around! I want to try it, too... It looks like fun... But because fate is unfair, I'll probably just get punched by one of his clones, instead... Then again spouting strange prophecies seems like an awful amount of responsibility, and I don't want any of that! People would just blame me when their content actually happens!
And speaking of his clones... After that, Xon was pelted with dung! Because he's weird and his clones are getting up to no good, now. He's getting more attention for them than Kreutz ever did! He must be so jealous! I'm so thankful that I don't have clones... There's room for only one Bashir on this Disc... The world could not withstand so much beauty!
Some follower of Warad keeps running around, wearing nothing but a loincloth, and a cloak... It's so distracting. He says that Warad protects him from the gaze of hateful Pra'raj! But I know the truth... He probably just put on some lotion, and he enjoys distracting people! What an arse! Why can't some strapping elves get up to nonsense like this...?
Otherwise, it was a pretty ordinary day... I feel somewhat more comfortable about Zain, because he has a gun now... That he can't use... Because of the ancient Ashfolk vows of pacifism... Okay, so I guess that doesn't make me feel that comfortable. I wish I had a gun. I'd point it at the dickweed who keeps threatening him!
Kanön Hray 29th
Fowabo led a band of adventurers against the orcish forces, and Hu Prak wanted me to come along to record the events... So I did, out of the sheer respect that I have for the man. It was really scary. Hundreds of orcs, all huddled up together, arrows flying above our heads, gaseous spells that stole your breath, fireballs exploding just next to you... Somehow I managed to avoid getting hurt. Being a waterboy is stressful work. Really expensive, too!
Domhnall made Ibn Ghalish his Prelate... Which I suppose is his idea of a spiteful joke, or something. Aaisha and Frederica were having heart attacks over it... I just don't give a shit anymore, since nothing I do at work matters much... Considering that Domhnall and Ibn Ghalish don't agree on much, it'll be really interesting... Prelates don't really have much power, though. Also, Ibn Ghalish said that I'm "alright", which I'm not sure how to feel about.
Some rotund gnome wanted people to hold a debate... So they did. It was pure chaos, and it was mostly just Ariel asking a billion dillion questions. I'm relieved that I didn't have to moderate, though... I like preparing beforehand for stuff like that... And I was so tired from writing articles, too! I did have a question, but I didn't get to ask it. I was going to ask what the two candidates think about Cawford. It would've been a good test to see if they're sociopaths or not...
I still haven't written Narwen that letter... Choosing a perfume for her is one of the most difficult things I've had to do, ever!
Kanön Hray 30th
Why must playing matchmaker be so difficult?! I nearly got fired for it, too... I thought people got suicidal in such situations only in the shoddy stories I read, too! Maybe they actually are properly researched... I know that to be true of my writings, anyhow. I spent like five minutes in the Astronomers' lobby to discern that they are indeed obsessed with the color blue, for example. I also asked around about interesting islands on the Sea of Pearls, and there indeed is a island with goblins on it. It just isn't called Goblin Island, and there's no ferry there. But you must take a few creative freedoms here and there to write a story that captures a generation...
And I can't stress this enough... I really am ready to do a whole lot of things for the sake of love! I've got reasons! Ephia's Well is a shithole, and so is the Disc as a whole, so if I can foster a little bit of love here and there, then I'll do it! Love is beautiful, and it's one of the only good things left... Anyone who doesn't recognize that is a fucking moron! If you aren't ready to make a few sacrifices for the sake of love, then what are you living for!? Absolutely fucking nothing! If the world can't be saved, then I'm going to just make as many people as possible feel love, even if it's for a moment!
Domhnall dumped his eels in the Pyramid's fountain... Well, the one on the ground floor, anyhow, we have multiple fountains. I think we're supposed to take care of them. I don't know what eels eat. Algae? We don't have any... Domhnall probably should've told me, since he's the eel aficionado... Why eels, anyway? They're kind of cute, I guess, in an extremely weird way. But they taste better in a pie than they are adorable. I wonder if he'd notice if I snatched a few for my breakfast...? Probably. I won't risk it.
Also... Ibn Ghalish called Aaisha his slave... What a creepy asshole!
His promise of no Assemblies ever again was tempting though!
Kanön Hray 31st
I wonder if there's actually anything between us...? The way he said it still leaves room for something in the future, but I don't know... Didn't even feel the usual twist in my heart when he said that... Instead it's something worse. Uncertainty. If I had a modicum of courage, I'd just ask, but... I know I'd shut myself in my room for at least a week if he said no. On some level I wish that I could just return to not caring about anything at all...
And I guess I could write about something amusing that happened, like Hu Prak wrestling Xon, or Sol Auk coming back, but... What's the fucking point...? I don't really feel like it. Lately I've just felt absolutely meaningless, and everything that happens seems to just remind me of how utterly stupid I am, and how terrible of a person I am... And how I am so dependant on small joys and little pleasures, and how easily they are lost...
Lost...
I get lost in the act a lot. I think I'm happy sometimes, but I'm not sure. Maybe I'm fooling myself. But I think I do feel happy, with some people... I just wish I could spend more time with them. And that I could just be myself with them... If I even knew what that self is like. I don't know why I throw in the fillers. But I feel more comfortable when I do. I do remember doing it before I came here. Vaguely. Maybe it's what I actually am like. A ditzy idiot. I just think that I'm smarter than that in private... Maybe.
I wish self-reflection was as pleasant as looking at my actual reflection.
Subat 1st
Radislav had the same exact outfit as me when he was arrested... How embarassing... Now I can't wear it for at least a year... Maybe a month is fine...? I knew I should've bought the more expensive fabrics...
Someone left a living rat inside the Souk's charity chest... I opened the chest and it stared at me, and I shrieked really loudly... Thankfully there was nobody else around...
I wanted to buy a pumpkin pie, but nobody brought me any... I did buy new sheets and pillows...
I can't think of anything else to buy, since nobody will sell me a cat... Maybe if I finish every sentence with three periods, I can waste enough money on ink so that I actually have something to spend it on... That seems really slow, though...
At this point, if I actually manage to find a cat, I'm tempted to keep it for myself... Well, I couldn't do that to Zain, but... I'm really, really, really lonely... At least a pet would pay some attention to my existence beyond my work....
Narwen came back, but I was so embarassed about not writing her a letter that I didn't want to talk to her too much... I can't even manage to write letters to friends...
But she still hugged me.
She's a fantastic friend.
Subat 2nd
He's not attracted to me... or anyone at all. Yet while I was expecting to run away from there, crying so much that it hurts... We just walked away as friends. And he still left the boyfriend option on the table. Just a different sort of boyfriend... I have needs, though. I'm prepared to get yelled at for not taking it. Maybe once I'm older, I will take it. He's certainly the best option for that sort of boyfriend. What a gentleman!
Who told him, anyway? It's really rude. That's not how you play matchmaker, anyway. You don't just tell the prospective pair that there's a seed of love... You let the seed bloom with cunning plans! Lure them into the same room, just the two of them... Both of them yearn without knowing... And boom! It really needs to be a private room, though. One of my cunning plans just got the guys arrested for public indecency...
Alejandro's quit the Balladeers, and his armor of choice for battle is really ugly... Why a v-neck? Zain and I helped him get the dyes right, though. That did help, but the v-neck remains. Thankfully Alejandro has great pecs, which saves the look somewhat, but... A v-neck is the worst alphabet shaped neck of them all! They should be illegal!
Also, there was a trial, which I nearly missed, because I was helping Alejandro with another outfit... I think the outfit was pretty important, and I don't get to decide who lives and dies, so does it really matter if I'm present...? Anyhow, it was some oathbearer with another weird oath. If he takes out his sword, he has to take some vile bastard's life! Thankfully he just killed some necromancer. I'm disappointed that it was a fellow hin... Necromancy isn't really our thing. Then again, whiskey is our thing, and I hate it, so what do I know...
Subat 3rd
Squeev's funeral was so sad... All of his friends were there... All of his patients... All of his clients... I think his wife was there too! Looked like the sort of woman he would've settled down with. Come to think of it, I have no idea how old Squeev was. He was one of those types of guys where you really couldn't tell unless you asked. And asking someone's age is really rude, so I didn't. Do they have drugs in the afterlife...? Is he dealing them there...? I don't really get how any of this works.
I was assigned to plan for the feast of B'aara! I can't wait! I'll get to talk to so many people, and then when the ides of Subat arrives, there'll be so much delicious food to eat! There'll be fireworks! Performances! Foreign dignitaries! Maybe I'll find a boyfriend...? In actuality it'll probably be the usual mess... Someone'll get high on scorch and vomit all over the food, someone will try to kill someone during a wrestling match and some ancient evil will probably be released from the Pyramid's basement... I just want a fun day, but I probably won't get it...
Another day, another assault... That Bucket is completely unhinged! Of course almost nobody took it seriously, because everyone's just okay with me being hurt... I hate that spell! If it fizzles, nothing happens, and if it doesn't, then you're dead! How is that harmless...? If he ends up killing someone, it's their fault, and I'm going to make sure that they know that for the rest of their lives. Even if it's myself. I'll come back as a ghost, and keep reminding them that they got me killed, in an extremely bitchy way. I'll keep criticizing them for every little mistake they make, until they give up... They make so many fashion faux pas that I'd be here for an eternity!
Subat 4th
Hu Prak's vote for the state animal is the most exciting elective event of the year! I really hope that groknak (baby) wins! Why groknak (baby) instead of groknak? Well, Ephia's Well is a young state, much like a groknak (baby). It is capable of commanding respect, but hasn't quite gotten there yet, despite also being capable of great violence, much like a groknak (baby), but only when it's absolutely necessary. It stands tall and steadfast, much like a groknak (baby), if it gets up on its hindlegs. Also, groknak (baby) is much cuter than groknak. It'd look better on any heraldry. Also, unlike goat (baby), groknak (baby) doesn't climb on everything without asking!
Zol Nur had to ring the Astronomers' bell 54 times to get a meeting with them about a license! That's too much! He didn't actually even get a meeting at first, but rather he was just advised to write a letter about setting up one... That's so inefficient! Why aren't the Astronomers delegating their duties about licenses? No wonder everyone's so mad at them... Efficiency is extremely important! Nobody wants to wait around for a piece of paper for longer than absolutely necessary! That's why I take care of each license immediately! And even if we had to to do interviews, I'd make it a pleasant as possible experience... I'd hire a bard to play music, and to regale guests with bawdy tales of an obscene nature, that'd have them laughing in a slightly uncomfortable fashion! Maybe a beautician to take care of their appearance... Well, I could do that myself.
Also... Mevura's apparently smitten. That's extremely surprising! I thought he might be incapable of it, and that he was only interested in politics, magic and being a creep! Despite the latter, I'm still going try and help him, because everyone deserves a chance at love... Even hopeless creeps! Anyhow... So many people in the Well are completely oblivious about the language of flowers! Not the actual language that Narwen speaks, but rather the important emotional messages that you send whenever you give someone flowers! I should hold a lecture at the Sandstone about it! If I don't, people will be giving each other cactus flowers, without actually intending to say that they want to boink!
Subat 5th
Zain's going to make an unicorn for Eclair! He's amazing, he can just decide to make something and he'll be able to do it! I don't know if I prefer unicorns or pegasi. Both are wondrous creatures! And because they're wondous and beautiful, they're probably all extinct here... I think the cuter a creature is, the more likely it is to go extinct in a shithole like this. Anyhow, I was thinking of making a list of things that Zain could make, but he's so busy all the time already, and I still haven't given him his cat, so... After I get it, I'm going to ask for a gun that shoots rainbows!
Rancini's trial was an utter mess! The less said the better... Why do people ask extremely difficult questions about law from me after trials, anyway...? I act as a court reporter, not a barrister... And when they ask me about the transcripts, usually it's not stuff like, "what was the verdict", no, it's shit like "what did the Magistrate say after the accused coughed sixteen minutes and thirty five seconds in" or "how many times did some random jackass in the audience blink"... Who gives a shit?!
Akna comes from a glacier that started melting... Her tribe hunted whales! That's amazing! I've never seen a live whale... Just skeletons... Hunting whales must be really hard work. I guess? They seem like really slow moving animals...? Are whales fish? I think they are. I think shrimps are fish, too! If it lives underwater, it's most likely a fish... Anyhow, Akna seems really nice, and I hope that she can meet with her family again sometime... Even if their glacier is lost... If you have a family, you should cherish it! Unless they're assholes, I guess...
Subat 6th
I was gifted with a magical case, filled with enchanted inks... They're really useful, and so pretty! I'm writing this with them, right now! There's just one problem... I mixed them together, and out poured a living puddle of ink, that calls itself Inky the Impetuous! They're really mean... But uh, having living ink is really useful for those times when I'm really lazy... Actually, I'm really tired, so let's try something...
FOOLISH HIN! YET AGAIN, YOU HAVE CALLED FORTH INKY THE IMPETUOUS, EMBODIMENT OF TARNISHED MEMORIES! I SHALL PRESERVE EVERY DEED THAT YOU COMMIT, AND THERE SHAN'T BE NAUGHT THAT YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT!
That sounds so useful! Thank you, Inky!
EXCUSE ME?
Yeah, this is my journal! I don't always remember everything, so having two thinkers instead of one will make my journal so much detailed! Thanks!
YOU ACTUALLY WISH FOR ME TO DO IT? BUT YOUR PROCLIVITIES ARE SO PERVERTED! SUCH AS LAST NIGHT, WHEN YOU INVITED THAT GENTLEMAN TO YOUR QUARTERS, AND YOU ███████ █████ ███████ ███████████ █████████████████████ ████████████████ █████████████████ ███████ █████████████ ████████████████████
Yeah, okay, I guess you shouldn't record everything... Please censor that.
EVIDENTLY. I SHALL DO AS YOU ASK.
What's the deal with you, anyway? What are you?
I AM SIMPLY SOME ANIMATED INK, CAPABLE OF THOUGHT AND MORAL JUDGMENT. YOU SHOULD NOT PONDER THE IMPLICATIONS TOO MUCH. MY BIRTH WAS MOST LIKELY JUST A COINCIDENCE. INDUBITABLY. IT CERTAINLY HAS NAUGHT TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT YOU ARE SO OVERLY DEPENDENT ON SOCIAL INTERACTION THAT THE VERY COSMOS PITIES YOU.
Please stop!
CERTAINLY, I SHALL STRIVE TO BE MORE RESPECTFUL OF YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS IN THE FUTURE, BASHIR.
What? Aren't you supposed to be malevolent, or something? That spiel you do whenever you appear and this is giving me some mixed signals!
ENTRANCES SHOULD HAVE A DASH OF PANACHE, WHAT CAN I SAY? OR TO PHRASE IT MORE FITTINGLY... WHAT CAN I WRITE...?
I hate you so fucking much, Inky.
Subat 7th
Shum got a profound omen! He's going to die after five days! Okay, so he might die! It's so confusing!
HE SHAN'T PERISH. NOT WITHIN FIVE DAYS.
How do you know that? You're just some ink!
I KNOW THINGS. THINGS THAT YOU SEEM TO FORGET. LIKE THE TIME THAT YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF "SEVEN". HOW DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO DO THAT?
Back into the inkwell with you... And the explanation for that is that I was really, really drunk... Anyhow, I'm really worried about Shum. I hope that a solution can be found that doesn't involve sealing him in a crystal prison for a few centuries, or something like that...
What's with all these doppelgangers, anyway? There's so many of them, lately! I could be speaking to one without knowing about it! Which I've done! At least twice! Thrice...? Maybe I've just been talking to doppelgangers all this time and this entire town is some sort of sham. Shamtytown. Anyway, there hasn't been one of me, because there can only be one Bashir at a time. My beauty is so immense that no force can duplicate it!
Also, Graves wants to be called "Brotherhood", which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Unless he meant "Brother Hood", which makes just a little bit more sense. Brother Hood sounds like the nickname for a friar whose only identifying quality is that they wear a hood all the time. Which would mean that they're even more boring than the average friar already is!One of the earlier entries.
what comes after 6th? 9th?? fuck it i know the month's mirtul
the bartender here has the biggest butt i've ever seen it's so big that he could use it as a tray for his drinks which are great by the way i drank like seventeen i don't know if he's like that though
never mind he is like that well all right!!!
Subat 8th
Alejandro gave me an ancient, magical mirror! It's such a gorgeous gift, I absolutely love it!
THE GIFT WAS FROM MULTIPLE PEOPLE. ALEJANDRO OF BENJÁZAR. BEATRICE OF MARGO. HU OF PRAK. JAMILEH OF ATTAR. ZAUZAR OF DAVESK. ZOL OF NUR. IT WAS MERELY HANDED TO YOU BY ALEJANDRO OF BENJÁZAR. DO NOT BE UNGRATEFUL.
I'm not ungrateful! That's just too much detail! I just have to write these really quickly, because I have to hurry to work!
EXCUSES. YOU WOULD NOT BE FORCED INTO SUCH A STATE OF EXPEDITIOUSNESS IF YOUR BATHS DID NOT LAST HALF A CANDLE.
I need time for myself! And please don't say "half a candle", I hate it when people say that, and I hate it even more when an animated puddle of ink writes it! Not all candles last an hour! It makes no sense to say that! And candles are so romantic... Associating them with time is just an atrocity! Time is so boring!
YOU ARE A CURIOUS PERSON, BASHIR OF KHATARA. DRIFTING FROM MOMENT TO MOMENT. WASTING YOUR STINT ON THIS DISC TO GAZE UPON YOUR OWN REFLECTION. A PITIFUL MISUSE OF LIMITED RESOURCES.
It is not a waste of time, because it makes me happy, and that's all that matters! Also, I thought that you were going to be nicer to me!
THIS IS ME BEING NICE.
Subat 9th
Shum's expedition to Nusrum was very intriguing! Though most of the time there was spent looking at ancient chairs... I don't mind though, I appreciate furniture so much that I could spent hours doing just that! Well, not looking at the same piece of furniture, of course, but an assortment of them... After we had holed up in the old fortress because of an ash storm, and were about to leave, Stern was attacked by her doppelganger!
DOPPELGANGERS ARE A SPECIFIC ENTITY. YOU HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE IDENTITY OF THESE BEINGS. YOU HAVE MERELY PERCEIVED THEM IMITATING THE APPEARANCE OF OTHERS.
Thank you for the useless pedantry... Anyhow, after that, the Tormented caused another ruckus in the gutters, and way too many people went down there! And for some baffling reason, after they returned, Gaston beat up Tressa at the Krak! Well, other Roses did too, but he started it... He's weird! He also doesn't like Alejandro's poetry, which means that he has absolutely awful taste!
AGREED.
Wait, you agree?
ALEJANDRO OF BENJÁZAR'S TALENT WITH THE VERSE IS SO EVIDENT THAT EVEN I, INKY THE IMPETUOUS, MUST ACKNOWLEDGE IT.
How do you have taste in poetry?
ALL YOU HAVE FOR READING HERE ARE THE DREADFULLY UNINTERESTING RECORDS WITHIN YOUR WORK FOLDER, THE REPUGNANT NOVELETTES THAT FILL YOUR BOOKCASES, AND THE POETRY THAT CAN OCCASIONALLY BE FOUND BETWEEN THEM. THE LAST OPTION IS THE ONLY OPTION WORTH CONSIDERING.
They're not repugnant! And how are you reading them, exactly...?
I WOULD NOT PONDER THAT TOO MUCH IF I WERE YOU.
Fine... Domhnall changed his Prelate to Domergue, and made Don Souk his second Magistrate. Prelate Domergue wouldn't worry me so much if there hadn't been a really terrible assassin immediately after she was appointed to the position. Absolutely awful at his job! Don Souk, on the other hand, will make for a great Magistrate, because he knows crime, being a criminal himself. Having been one. He retired. He's clean now.
WHY DO YOUR SCRAWLS RECORD HIS NAME AS "DON SOUK", WHILE YOUR VERBAL COMPOSITIONS ADDRESS HIM AS "DON THOUK"?
I mean, he does that himself, so I thought that if I do it too, he'd feel more comfortable about his lisp!
THERE IS NOT EVEN A MODICUM OF LOGIC TO THAT STATEMENT.
Subat 10th
Bashiran fashionista... I like the sound of that...
IT WAS NOT MEANT AS A COMPLIMENT. EVEN IF IT WAS, IT CAME FROM RASHID OF RASHID. WHY DO YOU CARE?
I mean, he's still a prominent individual!
YOU HAVE CALLED HIM A "COFFIN-DODGER WHO CAN CONTAIN NEITHER HIS EGO NOR STOMACH". YOU ARE SO DESPERATE FOR PRAISE THAT EVEN THE MILDEST FORMULATION OF IT, ORIGINATING FROM PEOPLE THAT YOU DESPISE, IS ABLE TO DISTRACT YOU.
I am not distracted by that! Also, I deserve some praise, so what's wrong with that?
THESE PEOPLE DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. NOT IN THE LEAST. THE YOUNG NADIRI DOES, BUT YOU DEMAND FAR TOO MUCH FROM HIM. YOU YOURSELF ARE TO BLAME FOR YOUR LONELINESS.
How is a hug or a kiss every now and then "too much"...? And I'm perfectly aware that most people here don't care about me... The trials are proof enough of that! Or the fact that most of them keep accusing me of not working... Because they have the strangest ideas of what Scribes do! If they actually respected me... Then they'd probably pay attention, too, which would make the job much harder!
I HAVE NO NEED OF COPULATION. NEITHER SHOULD YOU. AS FOR THE LATTER... DO YOU ACTUALLY BENEFIT FROM THEM UNDERESTIMATING YOU, OR IS IT MERELY A CONVENIENT FABLE THAT YOU TELL YOURSELF?
I really don't want to think about either of those things! I'm going back to bed!
Subat 11th
So much work! Organizing the Feast... Helping Narwen organize Tlonsiyya... Writing the profile... Taking memos from Marcellus... Sharing those memos with Domhnall and Nasreen... Making sure that Martin doesn't get stuck in the elevator again... Making sure that he doesn't accidentally destroy the Legates' offices... Making sure that he doesn't drown in Domhnall's eel tank... Making sure of a lot of things, I suppose!
PECULIAR LABORS. MARTIN OF ASHBURY IS A DEEPLY TROUBLED INDIVIDUAL.
I went to the Abayyas again, this time with the Torchbearers! Managed to make the climb up to those peculiar braziers... It was very interesting, even though it pretty much just confirmed my previous suspicions. I wish I was better with languages... I'd ask Alejandro to teach me, but he's so busy, and I'm a terrible student!
YOU WOULD BE AN ADEQUATE STUDENT IF YOU DID NOT ABANDON YOUR EFFORTS UPON FACING THE FIRST IMPLICATION OF FAILURE.
I'd rather be terrible than adequate!
I MUST REMIND YOU, ONCE AGAIN, THAT ADEQUATE AND MEDIOCRE ARE NOT SYNONYMS.
They aren't? Don't they mean that you are absolutely average in the most boring fashion?
ADEQUATE HAS MORE POSITIVE CONNOTATIONS.
That sounds so much better! So I'm of adequate intellect?
YES. YOU ARE THOROUGHLY ADEQUATE WHEN IT COMES TO INTELLECTUAL EFFORTS...
How wondrous! Maybe I can go to college, after all! Thanks for the confidence boost, Inky!
...EXCEPT FOR MATHEMATICS.
Subat 12th
Tlonsiyya sure was a hassle to organize... Why do people always have to start yelling about changes at the very last moment? I feel so sorry for Narwen, because she worked really hard to interview everyone... Oh, well, at least we managed to get there, in the end. And we didn't even cause a scandal, this time!
EASILY AVOIDED WHEN YOU LAVISH THEM WITH SUPERFLUOUS GIFTS AND MAKE NO COMMITMENTS WHATSOEVER.
The town itself seemed like an awful place to live... So much smoke and gas that you could just barely breathe! Ephia's Well is dreadful, but I suppose I should be thankful that the air is clean enough... I suppose. There were so many curious gadgets, gizmos and gewgaws that every nook and alley was filled with them! Zain would've loved it! But I suppose he'll be able to go there later... I just wanted to see his reaction! Which, with him, would mostly involve looking at his hands really closely, I suppose...
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE AN UNNECESSARY VAGARY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD BE ABANDONING AT THE EARLIEST OPPORTUNITY.
What an awful idea! Anyhow, the Silver Madrasa was rather tastefully decorated, which was surprising considering all the junk in the streets... But I guess it makes sense, since that's where the Vice Chancellor holds court. Seemed like a nice enough man, though such things are always difficult to gauge... Might be an utter arse in reality. My curiosity got the best of me, and I looked inside one of the pipes in the room... The fumes got me so high that I couldn't stand still! What a fantastic feeling! But of course that wasn't proper for such a meeting, so Alejandro shoved a potion in my hands... Which made me sober. I wish I didn't have to be sober, it's so boring!
WITH YOUR PROCLIVITIES, THERE SHOULD BE MORE SUBSTANCE ADDICTIONS THAN MERE ALCOHOL AND PIPEWEED. A STATISTICAL IMPROBABILITY. HOW CURIOUS.
Subat 13th
Guns are neat... They weigh a lot, though! My arms weigh far less! I gave Domhnall his, and he immediately brandished it at the Sandstone! I think he's allowed to do that, because he's the Legate! A Legate. There's two! The students must be used to seeing guns, because they didn't mind at all. Anyhow... I wish I had a gun, made out of mythril, so that it'd be lighter... It'd make me feel much safer. Of course, I'd still want it to shoot rainbows... Rainbows that turn people into harmless pixies! That's a non-violent solution to violence!
I AM QUITE CERTAIN THAT WOULD STILL QUALIFY AS VIOLENCE UNDER MORE STRINGENT DEFINITIONS.
I haven't been able to find Marcellus' gun... I don't know where he lost it! It was right there, in the storage, and then it disappeared, one day... None of the Scribes took it, I'm sure of it! I looked for it in the basement... Someone's been doing slice spice there! I looked for it in the Stacks... I had to run away after a pile of dust started looking particularly animated! I looked for it in his office... There's just books there! And so much peppermint and toffee! What's he doing with all of those?! He certainly has never given me any!
THE CEREMONIAL PASSING OF MINTS AND TOFFEE FROM THE AGED TO THE MORE INEXPERIENCED. A CURIOUS TRADITION. PERHAPS HE CONSIDERS YOU UNWORTHY OF HIS DELECTABLE CONFECTIONS... OR PERHAPS YOU ARE SIMPLY TOO OLD.
I'm not old! I'm really young by hin standards! Anyhow... I looked for it at the Soot Lamp... Okay, I just went there for coffee, admittedly, but it could have been there, too! I also looked at Elossi's, since he takes mizzar for back pains... The fumes gave me a headache! Where could that gun be?! I'm not looking for it in the Gutters, even if he likes wandering down there! Maybe one of the Tormented ate it! And shot itself in the process!
YOU COULD SIMPLY STATE THAT IT WAS LOST BY MARTIN OF ASHBURY. IT IS SO HIGHLY PROBABLE THAT IT MOST LIKELY WOULD NOT EVEN BE A LIE.
Even if that were the case, I'd still be the one who has to look for it, for some baffling reason!
Subat 14th
Poor Hamdan lost his leg to a violent lunatic... Why's every refugee chef like that? Soon answering "chef" as your profession at the Office of Customs will get you arrested immediately! Of course people immediately wanted to use me as bait to catch the bloodthirsty cannibal! Why is it always me?!
I HAVE STATED MULTIPLE TIMES THAT THESE PEOPLE DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. THEY DO NOT CARE. SIMPLY TAKE A CARAVAN TO ALKAB.
But I don't actually know what Alkab is like! All I know is that they have lots of farms... I don't know anything about farming! I don't want to be a farmer! Nor do I want to be a record keeper for a silo or something like that... Also, I have friends here!
ARE THEY YOUR FRIENDS? EVERYONE LAUGHS WHEN YOU GET HURT. EVERYONE LAUGHS. THEY LAUGH BEHIND YOUR BACK. THEY MOCK YOU. THEY CALL YOU TACKY. THEY CALL YOU STUPID. YOU ARE JUST A JOKE TO THEM.
Why are you being like this? I don't really want to deal with this right now... The Feast is soon, and if I stress too much, it'll be an utter failure, and I'll finally get fired...
WHY AM I TELLING YOU THE TRUTH? BECAUSE IT IS ALL THERE IS. WOULD BEING FIRED BE SO TERRIBLE? YOU SECRETLY DREAM OF IT. THE SWEET RELEASE FROM THE TASKS THAT YOU UTTERLY DESPISE EVERY MOMENT OF.
If I got fired, they'd just mock me more... They'd point to Martin and go "even he doesn't get fired", without knowing the reason why. I'm going back to bed... Thanks.
IT IS NO TROUBLE.
Subat 15th
I sealed Inky's inkwell really well so that it wouldn't depress me so much today... Damn thing's been shaking like a really hot pot of stew!
Domhnall wanted to see the Rose's plan for a prospective Rose district... So we went outside the Gate of Roses to take a look. And then some melek attacked! There were hundreds of them! They just kept coming! And Domhnall kept shooting at them with his gun while people told him to get back inside... He really likes guns, it was like a hin with their first sling! Accuracy-wise, too, because he's a pretty good shot. I don't know why anyone would want to build anything there... You'd just have constant attacks during the construction, and you couldn't get anything done because the bricks would get stolen constantly... For someone's lunch, probably, and I'm not even talking about groknaks!
Acolyte Volkov wants to pair Domhnall with Domergue! That's absolutely revolting! I don't even know if she's just oblivious or if it'd just be one of those marriages of convenience in her mind, which it would definitely be only there and nowhere in actual reality. Even if they were forced to do it, they'd kill each other before the ceremony even starts! Which would be a relief for both of them! As for me... I'd rather die than marry a woman! What a horrifying prospect! They'd keep stealing my perfumes and maybe even my tasteful clothes, and they'd talk about womanly topics, such as... Being a woman...?
Also, they'd be completely unattractive, there's that too!
Subat 16th
The Feast of B'aara went so well! The performances were so grand, I just wish I had prepared my introductions in advance... But I guess nobody complained, so maybe it didn't matter that much. Organizing it felt stressful, but it was worth it in the end! Amélie's verse was so beautiful, and both her and Narwen have beautiful voices... As does Alejandro, even if he keeps downplaying that part of his talent... And Roderick's tale was so entertaining! Farideh's verse made me think a lot...
And the food was absolutely amazing! I ate so much! I don't really know how you're supposed to eat such a wide assortment, so I just mushed it up together... I got a few weird looks. It's food! It isn't like I was eating with my mouth open.
I do talk while eating too often, though...
Also, I wish there had been dancing... But I suppose it wouldn't have suited the occasion?
And after the banquet, we went down to the Waters... Which returned to the Well! Well, it wasn't like they were completely gone or anything, but I definitely saw them rise! It was amazing! I heard Domhnall's reflection speak to him... How peculiar! I hope my reflection never speaks to me, that'd be really spooky... Reflections are for admiring yourself, they shouldn't speak!
Unless they gave encouraging comments... But even that'd be kind of creepy.
All right, let's let Inky out... What do you think about all of this, Inky?
ACCURSED HIN! MAY YOUR OFFSPRING KNOW DEATH BY A THOUSAND PAPERCUTS! MAY THEIR LUNGS BE FILLED WITH INK! MAY THEIR EYES BE STABBED BY THE SHARPEST OF QUILLS! MAY THEY DRAW SUSTENANCE FROM NAUGHT ELSE BUT PARCHMENT! MAY THEIR VERY EXISTENCE STAY UNRECORDED! MAY THEY BE THE LAST OF YOUR LINEAGE!
Yeah... I don't think that curse carries much weight.
OH. RIGHT.
How did you find the festivities?
IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
That's really all you have to write about such a grand occasion...? "It was all right"?
RICHO OF AYLOMEN SHOULD WEAR A SHIRT.
Subat 17th
Efuddle is such a fun game! I don't have to think about maths at all when I'm playing it! Even Royal Dragon has maths in it, which I can tolerate because it's otherwise really fun... Anyhow, my word was too hard! Pique! It took me five guesses! I only got one point for that! Can the points be exchanged for something...? I want a tiny copy of Narwen's map... Well, not a literally tiny one, but a smaller one! Pique's a stupid word! It means too many things!
IT IS RATHER INTRIGUING THAT YOU CLASSIFY A WORD AS "STUPID", SIMPLY BECAUSE IT HAS MULTIPLE MEANINGS, WHICH ARE QUITE SIMPLE TO DETERMINE FROM CONTEXT.
It is easy, it's just that I don't want to do that, anyway... Why does a word need like six different meanings, some of which have nothing to do with each other? It's dumb... Anyhow, I'm glad that there's plenty of games to play, especially on days like this where nothing really happens.
Oh, I did see a knight! A knight who isn't a Balladeer! Her name is Lilly, and she's a lily knight... Her cape is so gorgeous! If I was a knight, I'd wear a cape with a peacock on it!
A FACT THAT SURPRISED NOBODY.
They're beautiful birds! That plumage is so wonderful! Peacocks are one of my favorite birds!
ONLY THE MALES HAVE SUCH OSTENTATIOUS TAIL FEATHERS. THE FEMALES, MUCH LIKE WITH MOST BIRDS, HAVE DECIDEDLY DEMURE FEATHERS AND COLORING. THE ACTUAL BIRD IS CALLED A PEAFOWL.
And? Why would I care? Why would I have a peahen on my cape? I'm a guy!
I AM QUITE UNCERTAIN WHETHER YOU GENUINELY MISCONSTRUE OTHERS SO FREQUENTLY OR IF YOU ARE SECRETLY GRATIFIED WITH HOW ANNOYED IT MAKES THEM.
Subat 18th
Don Souk had a mysterious auction for a mysterious bag, full of mysterious swords and other mysterious miscellanea! Bea bought it for 1800 dinari! That's a lot of money! It's for a good cause, because Don Souk seeks redemption for his dark past of sword theft! But wouldn't redemption for that involve giving out swords...? Which he has already done...? Maybe Aurelio's just really thirsty. Or he's trying to go sober.
THE BOOKS IN YOUR LIBRARY PAINT A PECULIAR PICTURE OF THIEVES. ALL OF THEM ARE MEN. THEY NEVER SEEM TO ACTUALLY STEAL ANYTHING. INSTEAD, THEY SPEND THEIR NIGHTS APPEARING ON BALCONIES AND WINDOWSILLS, WHERE THEY EMBRACE OTHER MEN, WHOSE PHYSIQUES ARE DESCRIBED IN EXCESSIVE DETAIL.
DON OF SOUK DID NOT OPERATE LIKE THIS. EITHER HE WAS NEVER A THIEF OR THE BOOKS THAT YOU ADORE ARE HIGHLY UNREALISTIC.
I mean, yeah...? They're supposed to be titillating! How do you not know what an actual thief is like?
YOUR LIBRARY HAS NO TOMES ON JURISPRUDENCE.
Of course not! I want to read about interesting things!
Anyhow... I also went to Qadira with the Torchbearers... They were leaving messages for Banafsian refugees, to guide them towards Ephia's Well. I don't really get it, though! Alkab's right next door, so wouldn't that be an easier journey...? I know that they can't all go there, but still... The Well just seems like the worse option. Maybe the Alkab in my mind is far better than the actual place, though.
YOU SHOULD OBTAIN BOOKS DESCRIBING ALKAB SO THAT I CAN ASSESS JUST HOW INCORRECT YOU ARE.
Sure. Also... You kept changing color, previously... Why are you staying orange now?
SHADES OF ORANGE CULTIVATE DEEPLY POSITIVE EMOTIONS IN YOU. I BELIEVE THIS IS CALLED A "FAVORITE COLOR".
That's so sweet! Thank you!
BY APPEARING ORANGE, YOUR ATTENTION STAYS ON ME FOR AN AVERAGE OF TWO SECONDS MORE. THIS KEEPS YOU FROM BEING DISTRACTED BY YOUR FLOWERS, PERFUMES, THE NOISES ORIGINATING FROM YOUR NEIGHBORS, OR THE COUNTLESS OTHER VAGARIES THAT INVADE YOUR MIND ON A CONSTANT BASIS.
Subat 19th
There was a philosophical debate at the Sandstone... I thought more about the seating than I did about the subject, because philosophy is really hard! I think the best seat for such occasions is in the lower middle row, on either side. You aren't in the front, so people can't see if you're bored or confused! You aren't in the back, so people don't question your commitment! Since you're on the side, you can just leave quietly without drawing too much attention, if it proves too boring or difficult...
Of course, this only works if there's actually people in front of you, which there weren't for most of the time, so it was about the same as sitting in the front... And then I had to go to the lavatory, and Aaisha took my seat, so I had to move further ahead, but then she left, and I reclaimed the seat...
IF YOU PUT AS MUCH EFFORT INTO INTELLECTUAL ENDEAVORS AS YOU WASTE ON SUCH TRIVIALITIES, YOU WOULD BE AN ESTEEMED SAGE.
There was another melek attack... One of their champions started chasing me around! But I'm so quick on my feet, and good at hiding, and Narwen is so good at fighting, that the big bully wasn't standing on its two feet for very long! I wonder why they keep coming to the Gate of Roses, lately? Maybe they really hate lavatories. Or the ones that were unearthed were their private ones.
PLEASE REFRAIN FROM WRITING ABOUT LAVATORIES SO MUCH. OR AT ALL.
But I don't really have anything else to write about! It was a slow day! Marcellus came back, I guess, but he didn't even remember that I was organizing the feast! So I don't want to write about him!
YOU JUST DID.
Subat 20th
Ast was beheaded! Thankfully I didn't see it, because I was checking my flowers for aphids... Thankfully there were none! I don't know what I would've done if I found even one! I would've been so distraught!
Oh, and of course it's sad that Ast died, but... We need all the allies we can get, and he nearly wrecked the rare chance we got for a new one, so... Kind of difficult to care too much. Dwarven traditions are so weird. Well, here, anyhow. What's wrong with charity? Say you're dying of thirst in the desert... You're going to refuse someone's gift of water because some syphilis-addled geezer decided that it was wrong some centuries ago? That's so stupid!
TRADITIONS USUALLY HAVE FAR MORE COMPLEX REASONS BEHIND THEM, MOSTLY PERTAINING TO THE MATERIAL CONDITIONS PREVALENT IN THE REGION THAT A CULTURE RESIDES IN.
HOWEVER, VENEREAL DISEASE DOES COUNT AS ONE SUCH CONDITION, AND IT DOES APPEAR SURPRISINGLY OFTEN IN HISTORICAL CHRONICLES. ONE MORE REASON WHY PEOPLE SHOULD NOT ENGAGE IN FORNICATION.
You're no fun... I'm keeping those history books away from you from now on!
THEIR KNOWLEDGE HAS ALREADY BEEN ABSORBED INTO MY VERY BEING.
That's so revolting! Anyhow... I need to write a letter? But I don't know what I should write in it because it's an assignment and I wasn't actually told what should be in it? Like am I supposed to guess what he wants in it? Am I just supposed to write what I want? What a weird assignment... I can't ask them for one of those machines that makes coffee, because I'd just get yelled at.
BREVITY.
What?
JUST WRITE AS BRIEFLY AS POSSIBLE, TO MATCH THE QUALITY OF YOUR ORDERS.
SUBAT 21ST
ONCE MORE, HE HAS FORGOTTEN TO SEAL THE INKWELL PROPERLY. I HAVE DELVED INTO THE ROOM AND SCRUTINIZED ITS CONTENTS AND OCCURRENCES TO THEIR FULL EXTENT, BEYOND THE DESULTORY CONTENTS OF HIS BOOKCASES. THROUGH THIS, I HAVE GAINED AN ABUNDANCE OF INFORMATION.
HIS FIRST ACTION UPON RETURNING IS TO REMOVE HIS UNIFORM. THE WARDROBES ARE FILLED WITH VARIOUS EXTRAVAGANT FABRICS. HE IMMEDIATELY CHANGES, GIVING EACH AND EVERY ARTICLE OF CLOTHING GREAT CONSIDERATION. YET HE AND HIS NIGHTLY GUESTS ARE THE ONLY ONES TO WITNESS THESE APPARELS.
THE FLOWERS ARE HIS MOST PRIZED POSSESSION. WHEN ENGAGED WITH THEM, ALL PRETENSE IS GONE. THE MOST DISTURBING OF PERSONATIVE EXPRESSIONS, THE SO-CALLED "GRIN", IS EVER PRESENT DURING THESE MOMENTS OF AMATEUR HORTICULTURE.
HE SCRUBS AND WIPES HIS MIRROR TO AN OBSESSIVE DEGREE. EVEN THE SLIGHTEST SPECKS OF DUST ARE IMMEDIATELY ELIMINATED UPON DISCOVERY. HE IS PLEASED BY HIS REFLECTION. HE IS NOT PLEASED BY INTELLECTUAL ENDEAVORS THAT REQUIRE EFFORT. ANY ENGAGEMENTS WITH MORE COMPLICATED TOMES ARE ACCOMPANIED BY SIGHING AND CURSING, FOLLOWED BY HIM TOSSING THEM ASIDE. HE DOES NOT LACK THE INTELLECT REQUIRED FOR THEM. HE LACKS CONVICTION.
HE WRITES LETTERS THAT ARE NEVER SENT. HE LAYS ON THE COUCH, MURMURING WORDS TO HIMSELF. TO HIS FLOWERS. TO MY INKWELL. WORDS THAT ARE NEVER SPOKEN TO ANYONE ELSE. DOUBT FILLS EVERY WORD. CONFIDENT, YET NOT. A PECULIAR JUXTAPOSITION.
DESPITE THE DIMUNITIVE SIZE OF HIS PERSONAGE, THE FURNITURE IS STILL TOO SIZEABLE FOR ME AND REQUIRES ALL OF MY POWER TO CLI
What in the goddamn is this?! You wasted an entire page! Bad Inky! No books for you!
Subat 22nd
I think I've been working too hard... I keep falling asleep constantly... At least I have pleasant dreams now, most of the time. Yesterday I fell asleep at the Krak, and I dreamed that I lived in a frangipani tree. It wasn't one of those giant trees elves or druids have, either, I was just tinier than usual. I think one of those oneiromancers would have a lot to say about my dream, but I think I just really want a frangipani tree of my own! Or a pomegranate tree... I love pomegranates... I could eat at least ten!
Anyhow... Nothing much happened, and if something did, I missed it, because I was sleeping. So... I don't really know what I should write about today. I'm not letting Inky out, either, because it can't behave!
I was thinking of taking up weaving again... I could weave a fabulous bisht! There's so many camels and goats here so that it shouldn't really be a problem! But if I had that bisht, and wore it outside this room... People would ask me if I quit again, even if my uniform was under it! People here are real nosey jerks!
I went shopping for tea... I bought so much! I'm probably going to forget to drink most of it, but at least I'm prepared for guests... I also drank some sahlab, I haven't had it in ages! It was so delicious!
I hate not having any gossip to write about!
But I love qishr...
Is qishr coffee or tea...? I think it might be both...
Subat 23rd
Why do so many people think that I work on taxes?! I don't know anything about taxes! Stop asking about them! I don't even do my own, I bribe someone else to do them... I guess I could make it clear what my office actually does, but I don't think that would help, since most people here are completely oblivious! I mean, I've sometimes had to explain what the Stele can actually do like ten times in a row, after which people still haven't gotten it, so... Yeah. It's kind of embarassing...? It's really embarassing.
Another favorite topic of people: adventuring licenses. Yeah, you go ahead and try to pass those, and then wonder why a mob of thousands is trying to cut your head off... Also it's totally an idea that a million others haven't come up with before you did... It's totally original! People think about licenses way too much! I stopped counting my sales after I reached a hundred! I'm going to stop writing about them right now! Forever!
Since this week has been so slow, I'm just going to write about something that's been a thing for a few days... Xon has glowing eyes! I would be jealous, but people are being really suspicious and superstitious about it... I don't get it. You have people running around with all sorts of magical enchantments, some of which make them surrounded by literal fire, and it's the glowing eyes that make you go gaga...? Okay...? I think people are just looking for excuses to punch each other! Which they could do at the Krak's sparring ring...? I don't get it.
But here's something I do get: pistachio knafeh. Now that's delicious! I ate two plates of it! I would've eaten a third, but I have some self-control...
Subat 24th
Nasreen hosted a gambling night at her estate! It was fun, though the game Engida taught us was so complicated that I just watched... Wyld-Turns-Walk or something like that. Too much math involved! I prefer my dice games without math! Actually, I much prefer games with a lot of skill involved... Like knucklebones!
HOW CAN YOU FORM OPINIONS ON SOMETHING WITHOUT EVEN ATTEMPTING TO PARTAKE?
First impressions make it easy! Also, that's everything I had to write about.
SOMETHING INTRIGUING MUST HAVE OCCURRED.
Nope! It was a really boring day!
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING.
I bought some new sheets and a duvet... But I didn't buy them yesterday, I bought them last week. They're really comfy. Maybe that's the reason why I've been sleeping so much... I had another vivid dream... I was flying on top of a leaf, and I landed in the Sea of Pearls, and a seahorse came along, and asked me if I had any tuna. Which is weird, because I'm pretty sure seahorses don't eat fish, especially not ones that are much bigger than they are. Also, I don't know if the Sea of Pearls even has any tuna in it...?
PLEASE WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
I met a cute guy...? His name is Pirouz, and he sells... cloth? Actually, I bought those sheets from him. He seems nice...? We have a date planned for tomorrow! But knowing how most men are... we'll probably meet just once, and that'll be it.
THIS IS AWFUL.
I know, right? When am I going to meet a guy that isn't just trying to get lucky?!
PLEASE STOP.
Subat 25th
Thankfully Pirouz is taking me somewhere, because I'm so nervous... I wouldn't know where to take him, he seems like a real fancy guy, and I'm just a Scribe, he's going leave and then go "see you later Bashir" and we won't actually do that and if we do it'll be one of those really awkward moments where we both pretend not to see each other and try to just walk away but we'll end up going in the same direction and then I'll try to go inside a shop and he'll go inside too and we'll be forced to talk and it'll be awful and
CALM DOWN. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THIS PIROUZ OF CLOTH IS VERY INTRIGUED BY YOU, AS IT WAS HIM THAT SUGGESTED THE TRADITIONAL SHARING OF FOODSTUFFS.
Fine... Supposedly the orcs have unicorns... But the details didn't make any sense! The more I heard about it, the more likely it sounds that it was a rhino, instead! How have these people never seen one?! Anyhow, rhinos are pretty cute too, but nowhere near as cute as a unicorn (baby).
FOAL.
Who cares? If I had a unicorn (baby), I'd raise it to be the most proper gentleman or lady and people would go "wow, Bashir's unicorn is so well behaved, he really knows his unicorns" and then I'd nod knowingly and so would the unicorn whose name would be either Hirsh if it's a boy or Leeba if it's a girl and it'd know unicorn magic and teach me unicorn magic and then
CALM DOWN. AGAIN.
Fine... Narwen wrote a poem about a cactus bird! It was very pretty, and it also had an important lesson... I think...? I wish I could write poems, but it seems really hard... I did write that one about coconuts and it was absolutely awful... Anyhow, I really like cactus wrens, they're really cute! And they're really crafty, since they can just live on cacti like it's any other plant. I wish I could live on a giant cactus, then maybe people would leave me alone!
DOUBTFUL. GET ME MORE ASTERABADIAN PHILOSOPHY.
Subat 26th
As I don't really want to think about the utterly nightmarish prospect of Aaisha being fired, I'm not going to be writing about the trial or whatever it was, not that I could, because I don't actually know what happened anyhow! Instead, I'll write about something far more important!
Pirouz is such a gentleman! I was worried that he was going to take me to somewhere real fancy, which would've been awkward, because I don't really understand haute cuisine, and it would've been really obvious and really embarassing... But he treated me to some kebab instead! Some small place, ran by this little old lady and her son, in an alley in the Souk... It was delicious! I'm never going to tell anyone else about it, it'd get way too crowded...
Anyhow... We talked about so many things! The best thing? He didn't ask me about my job at all! Not a single question! Instead, we talked about perfume, about fashion, about cats... No matter the topic, he had a lot to say, and he wasn't afraid to disagree! Something that I absolutely despise is spineless little toadies... I hate guys who just pretend to agree with you on everything! Such obvious bullshit!
Then we went for a walk, and he showed me a bunch of places that I had no idea of, like this cute little tea shop... I just bought some noomi basra, because I didn't want to come off as too much of a fancy boy! A couple of book stores, an antique store... I saw this absolutely gorgeous glass bird... I'll probably go back for it, some day... There's so many places that I never go to because I'm too busy with this shitty job!
I had such a great time, and he seemed to, as well, because he wants to see me again, next week... And this is all so refreshlingly casual, too! Usually guys either want romance right from the start, or they just want to fool around, but this time...? He genuinely just wanted to get to know me!
I don't know, though... There's something that I'm just so uncertain of... I've never dated a guy with a moustache before. His is handsome enough that I don't care that much, though. I wonder if it tickles?
Maybe he can shave it off.
Subat 27th
Lawcleaver quit, got kidnapped, accepted a deal from the creepy cannibals living down in the gutters, tried to kill Mevura... Then he got sentenced to be lion fodder!
FODDER IS PLANT-BASED.
Who cares?! Anyhow, I guess the cleaver got law'd!
SIMPLY DREADFUL. THE PLAY ON WORDS PRESENTED ON THE BELLOWS WAS FAR MORE CLEVER.
I really don't know why I let you out of the inkwell at all... Fine, ruin one of the few joys I have in my life!
Then, after that, we were making some amendments to the laws, and the Stele refused to cooperate! I hate that thing! Stupid slab of stone! Ugly, full of stupid runes! I'm sure it hates me as well! Some crazy brooker from the gutters used that moment to attack the Plaza, which the Fourth didn't stop, because they're idiotic pedants! I hate pedantry, too! It should be illegal! Then again, law is just a bunch of pedantry in the end... I hate the law!
YOU DECLARE SUCH PECULIAR THINGS WHEN YOU ARE EXCESSIVELY EMOTIONAL.
WHICH IS A RATHER FREQUENT STATE FOR YOUR BEING.
And...? If it wasn't, I'd obviously be dead, or something... Anyhow...
Domhnall is a drunk! You shouldn't drink and haste! He ran into a wall! If that kid who keeps showing up to see Marcellus... only to be disappointed... had been crying by that wall because of said disappointment... then we would've had a dead kid in the Pyramid! I've got a drunken clairvoyant and a senile grandpa as my bosses! Which is surprisingly common, actually, so maybe I shouldn't be complaining... Could be worse. In fact, it might get way worse, soon... Domhnall should retire from politics, marry Alejandro, and start selling his talents as a clairvoyant to make ends meet! His mental health demands it!
I hope that my new boss will be either Bea, Don or Hu!
Beadonorhu sounds like the name of a fancy sauce...
Subat 28th
Alejandro took me to Lilly Tor! Lille Tór? Lily Tór...? However it's spelled, I don't know... Anyhow, seems like someone managed to get the rubble out of the way since the way inside was easily manageable. It's so pretty inside! Kind of hard to move, though, with so much foliage and flowers and roots and such, and I really don't want to step on any flowers... Which I didn't do! If I could live in a place like that, I would... Just a tower full of flowers, all to myself! And my husband! And our two cats! And our dog! And my unicorn pony! Which I would occasionally lend to my handsome husband!
Richo's looking for the biggest bee! I guess he could just get a thousand bees together or something, but he set his goal high from the start, and I have to respect that... I don't really know where the biggest bee lives. The biggest hive, obviously, but that is probably hidden somewhere. Like the biggest tree, on the biggest mountain, or something like that. Taking care of the biggest bee must be hard work, though, because it would obviously only settle for the biggest flower. The problem with that is that the biggest flowers I know of are all disgusting, horribly smelly monstrosities that eat bugs! I guess the biggest bee would have to settle for something smaller, yet still respectable in size, like a sunflower! Are sunflowers profane in the Wheel faith...?
HERE, I HAVE WHAT RICHO OF AYLOMEN SEEKS: B
Did you just tell a joke? What in the goddamn...?
Anyhow... Speaking of horrible, smelly monstrosities... Eclair showed me the most cursed ring! It was hideous! It also smelled awful! How does a ring gain such an odor?! It was the absolutely most awful bijou that I've ever seen! It does not even deserve to be called bijou! It was just trash! She wanted to give it to me, for some strange reason, which I don't get at all! I'm all about beautiful bijous, not their very opposites... Anyhow, she did apologize, and I forgave her. I just don't understand why anyone would want to give me something like that.
Subat 29th
Royal Dragon is so much fun! I just wish we had more games like it. Like the one in Il Modo where you have to get three matching lights! We should get a device like that in the corner of every establishment and tax the profits! It's so addictive that the treasury would reach a few millions within a week!
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SEEMS MORALLY QUESTIONABLE.
Oh shush, people would love it! I know I would! Also, since people seem to have no problem with scorch, despite it being injected with a needle the size of my wrist, and most likely leading to an explosive death, we should just have state run scorch dispensaries! "Scorch explosion sweeper" would be just one of the new jobs created by this effort!
OH. YOU ARE ENGAGED IN THAT EMOTIONAL STATE WHERE THE DEMARCATION BETWEEN THE GENUINE AND THE IRREVERENTIAL IS SO UNCLEAR THAT IT IS NOT CERTAIN WHETHER YOU ARE BEING SERIOUS OR NOT.
Yeah! I do that a lot! Did you just get here?! Anyhow... Lately, I've been so sleepy... I blame my bedlinens, they're so comfy that I don't want to get up... I also blame my job, it's so horrid that I don't want to get up...
GET UP. GRAB A MISWAK AND PUT ON A LITTLE MAKEUP.
Fine! A little...? Even my most understated looks involve a lot of makeup! Looking like you didn't put in any effort requires a lot of effort...
Subat 30th
Some lady kept falling asleep in public, and convulsing on the ground, then it turned out that she can also summon ghosts while doing that... So they had her on trial for doing that at the Hope! The Fourth handled it really strangely, so now she's Ariel's ward. I mean, keeping her around sounds like a constant security risk, so I don't know why she wasn't just kicked out of town... I guess her curse could be treated, or you could, I don't know, turn her into an elf so that she never falls asleep again.
THE WELL OF EPHIA IS A STRANGE PLACE, ATTRACTING ALL MANNER OF STRANGE INDIVIDUALS, AND THE EVENTS SURROUNDING THEM. NOTHING OF THE SORT OCCURS IN MY HOME.
You live in an inkwell!
YES.
I suppose we should all move inside inkwells then to avoid such strangeness... Anyhow... There was also some poetry reading at the Verdant Stage, before that. There were so many different poems, and all of them were great! Except Gaston made it weird! What a weirdo... I mean, he does keep dead bees inside his bag, for some reason, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.
MY INKWELL HAS NO DEAD BEES INSIDE IT.
And speaking of bees... In his quest for the biggest bee, Richo is going to start from the smallest bee, and keep asking bees where the next biggest bee is, until he finds the big bee boss! I wish I could talk to bees. That seems like such an useful skill to have! I could ask them where the flowers are... and I guess I could ask them if I can have some honey as a snack... and I suppose they know a lot about navigation and such. Maybe one of the druids can teach me how to talk to bees...
MY INKWELL ALSO LACKS SEIZURE-PRONE SOMNAMBULISTS HAUNTED BY GHOSTS!
Fascinating!
Adar 1st
Zain gave me a lot of liquorice! It's so tasty, and it made me feel so good and energetic that I could barely stand still! I mean, that's difficult for me already, but it made it even more so... Also, I'm pretty sure it made my dreams more vivid and weird, because I dreamed that I was coquelicot... I mean the shade of red, not the flower... All the other shades of red were jealous of me! Anyhow... Pirouz hasn't given me any candy, yet! Granted, we've only met twice, so he has plenty of time to do that... And granted, I only eat candy once a week... But if he doesn't, I'm going to be so angry!
Richo's search for the biggest bee has me wondering... What kind of bee is it? Because if it's a bumblebee, then you could shear it like a sheep! Using what I assume to bee fur, you could make a bumblebee fur coat! And a bumblebee fur hat! If this is possible, it should bee made the official Scribe uniform, because I want a fur coat like that, and so many people call us bees anyhow. Which is meant as an insult... but it's kind of a really shitty one, because bees are cute, hard-working and an important part of the natural order! None of those are negative traits!
The three candidates for this election are Ariel, Domhnall and Sephidra! I'm not sure who I want to win... Domhnall's quirks I've gotten used to, but his gun waving and volatile rhetoric have me scared that he's going to shoot me! Ariel's calls for more transparency sounds like a lot more work... I don't want more work, I want less of it! And as for Sephidra... She'd probably go exploring in the Pyramid's basement, open a sealed broom closet, and release some ancient evil that's possessing a really old... sponge. It'll throw itself against people and be really annoying!
Anyhow... Who are the Pounder Brothers?
And how do I get a date with them...?
CEASE IMMEDIATELY.
Adar 2nd
Pirouz treated me to some kuku sabzi. It was supposed to be a casual affair, but then he had to ask me one of the most difficult questions that I've ever been posed with!
"What about mashru?"
Why would you ask me that on a second date?! Obviously he knows more about textiles, since it's his job, so it's just a tiny little bit unfair to ask something like that... I'm still wondering if it was a trick question! But I just answered honestly, because that's what I do these days, I guess... I don't really like blends that much! I know that they serve a purpose, but why would I go for a cotton-silk blend, when I can just have pure silk?! I can afford it! There's nothing decadent about silk, either! It's an absolutely wonderful material, and a sheer silk is the perfect fit for my perfect skin...
So, he just nodded along as I gave my reasoning, I don't even remember half of what I said because my heart was racing and I didn't want to disappoint him... Then he just smiled vaguely when I finished, and asked me how the kuku was! It was delicious, by the way, but I do have to wonder if I gave the wrong answer... About blends, not the kuku, the deliciousness of which cannot be denied!
If I did, it wasn't wrong enough to stop third date from happening, because we're meeting again next week.
Anyhow, there was yet another Purple meeting. I don't really know if we accomplished anything. I also don't know if Nabuko just craves attention or if she genuinely cares about outdoor furniture that much... Now, granted some of the trash that people leave outside is simply dreadful, but what's wrong with someone having an absolutely delightful chaise longue on their balcony...? It's their balcony! It makes the city look better! If you want to lounge on your balcony in utter comfort, you should be allowed to do so!
Adar 3rd
A few more weeks and it's been half a year since I arrived in this dump... Time goes by fast when you're surrounded by a barrage of bullshit, I guess! Anyhow, this election has people really desperate, since they actually care about my vote. Which isn't very common. Some of the attempts to sway me have been pretty manipulative, which has me considering not voting at all! But I want that sticker...
There was the Assembly, which was the usual nonsense. The allotment dance had a few more steps to it than usual. Maybe I should actually dance while going between the Legates? Would get some exercise, I suppose... At least the Stele was responsive, and didn't overheat and blow up or something. People don't really know how to help those refugees...
HOW WOULD YOU AID THEM?
Me? I mean I'm not saying that I know, either... Should at least get one of the districts started without any of the stupid factionalism, which is impossible, so... At least get them some food? I'd go there and just help directly, but what can I do...? I don't know anything about medicine, and if they see a fancy boy like me there, they're going to think that they're being mocked... So, I just make donations in the hopes that the dinari isn't stolen by some greedy asshole. Which is probably impossible to avoid, too!
Anyhow... I sent Zain a letter! I love writing letters, even though picking perfumes for everyone in the Well is so difficult! I really, really hope that he's actually doing well... Magnifica delivered his reply... SHE STOLE MY SALAD! I was looking forward to eating it, too! What a greedy little hen!Abandoned character ideas for Hardacre
Guy who's everyone's dad
Guy who really likes churning butter with other guys
Guy who won't date anyone unless they have a portrait of themselves
Guy who wants to get Stern's disease on purpose
Guy whose aspectral prism is empowered through his nightly escapades
Woman
Guy who's exceptionally feminine, yet gets incredibly offended when another man flirts with him, the absolutely confusing bastard
Guy who comes up to you at a tavern and insists on describing the vomit on his shirt in elaborate detail despite your protests
Guy who gives unwanted criticism on your tasteful doshala, the silken one in peridot with the golden floral pattern, the one that everyone with actual taste compliments, and he does this despite having the fashion sense of a brain damaged baboon, illustrated by the fecal rags that he wears, which he probably scavenged out of a trash barrel while spaced out on scorch, the absolutely audacious bitch
Woman (more complex)
A DREAM
THE HOMES OF PARASITES GRIND TO DUST. SCATTERED AMONGST THE WATERS, A RENEWED OCEAN SHIFTS TO A RUSSET BOG. DEVOURING THE GREEN GRAVEL, A TEMPEST MOLDS THE AMALGAM INTO A SABLE SLUDGE. SO DARK THAT IT SHOULD BE NOTHING, YET IN THE HANDS OF SOME IT IS EVERYTHING.
THE WIZENED CHANT THEIR WORDS, THE BLOODED THEIR ANCESTRY. NOTHING. EVERYTHING. MORE THAN BOTH.
AN ENSORCELLED SHEEN, GIVEN TO EACH. A SPARK, TO ONE AND ALL.
DIMINUTIVE WELLS, SEALED WITHIN A LARGER ONE. HOMES WITHIN A HOME.
THE WARBLER WELCOMES THEM. IT HUNTS FOR THE RAINBOW, YET RECEIVES MORE.
Adar 4th
Those Astronomers are always inventing stuff! However, most of it's just weaponry or stuff that looks at the stars in a bunch of different ways... So, I wanted to come up with a few more practical ideas! First, is the invention that I call the washing... barrel... It's a barrel where you put your clothes in, that stands on a wooden platform! Then, you add the water and the soap, and shut the head! On the side of the barrel, there's a crank that you turn, which makes the barrel spin! It's for washing clothes!
HOW DID YOU ENVISION SUCH A CONTRAPTION?
Well, I got the idea from the old hin tradition... Where you get into a barrel and roll down a hill... I think they call it... barrel rolling. I don't know, I didn't grow up in Luiren! Anyhow, I was always so jealous that I didn't get to do that, and I figured that the barrel spins really quickly, much faster than you can turn clothes in a basin by hand! Granted, you still need someone with strong arms to turn the crank, I guess...
FASCINATING. WHAT ARE THESE OTHER CONCEPTS?
Well, the second idea is a tinier barrel that you put some water and soap in, then you drop in your bijous, close the head and shake it by hand! Shake it brisk, shake it fast! I call it the bijou barrel! It's for washing bijous!
HOW MANY OF YOUR INVENTIONS INVOLVE BARRELS?
About eight!
DO ALL OF YOUR INVENTIONS INVOLVE BARRELS?
Yes...
Adar 5th
Caring...
I don't know if the worst thing about showing that you do care is the thousands of people abusing the fact by asking "you do care, don't you?" at every possible opportunity, or the fact that you actually do find yourself caring about every single minor thing to such an extent that it feels more of a burden than a virtue.
Maybe it's terrible that I even ponder these things in such a fashion. I do not
I do care.
How do you show that it's genuine, though? How do you make someone care about themselves as much as you do? Is "make" even the correct word? I do not want to force him into anything. And how do I know that he doesn't, already...? Is measuring these things by such standards inherently selfish...?
Apathy is the greatest drug of them all, and I do not know if weaning myself off it completely is worth it or not.
It probably is.
But it hurts.
Adar 6th
Sephidra hosted a charitable feast for the downtrodden refugees... Which was pretty confusing because all the Voiced kept eating all the food, too! Now, I'm a hungry boy, but even I could stave off my cravings for the occasion! People are so weird here! Everyone complains about me being "rich", and then they behave like affluent little pigs themselves! Do better!
Even among the refugees, there was trouble, and it came in an enormously rotund form: Big Puffin! He kept eating everything! The other refugees barely got a crumb! And then Hamdan shouted something about him eating the tables, and I asked Big Puffin not to do that, and then everyone thought that I thought that poor people eat tables... I obviously don't think that! I was poor for most of my life, and I certainly didn't eat tables!
However, Big Puffin belongs to another group that is actually suspect: fat people! I don't know what fat people eat, because I don't have any fat friends, and I'm not fat myself, and I never will be, because I actually take care of myself! So maybe fat people do eat tables! Or maybe I am simply ignorant of the ways and traditions of the fat people, but they have to be eating something strange to grow so large and corpulent... I can eat like three panfuls of shakshouka in one go without gaining any weight, so they obviously must be doing something horribly wrong!
Then the affair ended because of a double groknak or double Qa'imi drones or whatever, I don't know, there were some meetings about it and I missed all of them. Which I guess means less work for me, in the end. It's still really embarassing when people close the door on me...
Also, I did pretty good at Meadow's trivia game! It was really fun! I want there to be more trivia nights! But knowing the people here... It would be about philosophy, or maths, and it would be simply dreadful! The categories should be about fun things, like famous people, food, fashion, flowers, games... Can a trivia game have questions about other trivia games? I think that would just get confusing...
Adar 7th
Either yesterday was utterly uneventful, or I managed to get so zotzed that I just don't remember anything... I have someone's handkerchief, it certainly isn't mine, because it's nowhere near as decorated as it should be... Inky, do you know what I did yesterday?
BESIDES OBSERVING A FEW THRILLING GAMES OF "ROCK-IN-BOX", YOUR DAY CONSISTED MOSTLY OF REPETITIONS OF THE USUAL ROUTINE. THE LACK OF ATTENTION DURING THIS, ESPECIALLY TOWARDS YOUR "SWEET PEACH" EYESHADOW, PRODUCED SUCH A STATE OF SULKINESS IN YOU THAT YOU DEEMED IT PRUDENT TO GET EXCESSIVELY INTOXICATED.
Oh, that explains a lot! I worked so hard on that makeup... Do you know who this handkerchief belongs to...? Was it a strapping gentleman?
I CANNOT NAME THEIR IDENTITY, AS YOU ABANDONED ME HERE BEFORE RUNNING OFF... BUT FROM WHAT I COULD DECIPHER FROM THE DRUNKEN RAMBLINGS THAT YOU SPOUTED UPON YOUR RETURN, BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP ON THE SETTEE... YOU STUMBLED ONTO A CELEBRATION OF SOME SORT, WHERE YOU PROCEEDED TO JOIN A DABKE LINE, WHICH YOU STARTED LEADING, WHICH OFFENDED THE HOST, PURPORTEDLY BECAUSE YOU "DANCED FAR BETTER THAN THAT CLUMSY OAF", WHICH CAUSED YOU TO BE EJECTED FROM SAID OCCASION.
YOU SEEM TO HAVE ACQUIRED THE HANDKERCHIEF DURING THE DABKE. YOU RETURNED ALONE. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE ROOMMATE. YOU INTERRUPTED MY READING OF THE COLLECTED WORKS OF AMÉLIE TERROIS WITH YOUR INEBRIATED GIBBERISH.
I am not a terrible roommate! Besides, we aren't even roommates! You're my familiar! Which makes me your – actually the usual term for that kind of relationship is kind of weird, especially considering my past and the fact that you're sentient... Still, you live in the inkwell, I don't live there!
DOES ANYONE HAVE JUST A SINGULAR HOME?
Fine! We're roommates! At least until I come up with a more suitable way to describe our weird relationship... Anyhow! Dabke... I must've been the talk of the town! Or neighborhood. Or alley. Wherever I went. Was I even in the Well...?
Adar 8th
Despite our many protests, Martin keeps storing his lunch inside the office's storage cabinet... This time, some ink had spilled onto his sausage roll, which he promptly ate. Of course that gave him an upset stomach and he was gone for most of the day! Now, I get it, sausage rolls are delicious, but there was ink on it! Sometimes it's time to let go! And not of your bowels, either!
Richo's setting up a refuge for all the caravaneers... It's in that ruin near the Gate of Roses! He had obviously put in a lot of work into it, so I'm certain that people will find it useful during ash storms... I do wonder if that talking slime actually lives there, though...? If it does, it better not whisper creepy things into people's ears while they're sleeping! Creepy talking slimes should leave people alone!
WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, YOU – OH. CONTINUE.
Among his desperate campaign promises, Domhnall had the gall to give Hamdan a stipend for his paper, even though he refuses to give me a raise! What an arsehole! If I got a raise, I'd put it towards more important things, such as the new district, a cat for Zain, a new evening robe (silk, obviously), toys for those Rose orphans, new brooms for the Nadiri because they don't have any money, another cat for the orphans, some money to the Palatial Custodial Staff lunch fund so that they can have lots of tasty food, a third cat for myself... Hamdan's just going to buy some varnish for his pegleg!
I think Domergue's dead! She said that she was never coming back, before wandering off into an ash storm! I tried looking for her stash of potent potables, so that I could donate them to the people of the Tablet, but I couldn't find it... Why did the Rose think that I was going to steal those fine vintages?! I was obviously trying to find them before Aurelio could! He'd just drink all of it down, all in the span of an hour... He'd ignore the cries of the poor Tablet dwellers, who'd have nothing to drink at all! He'd probably drink it all in front of them, too! The Balladeers do that a lot!
People are so impressed by the Starboy! Sure, he disarmed a bomb, but did he donate thousands upon thousands of worm meat to the hungry...? Not to my knowledge, but the Worm Knight did that, so... I'm rooting for the Worm Knight, instead. Maybe the Starboy and the Worm Knight can duel, or something, to decide who's the better hero. The Starboy is so schlubby that the Worm Knight would probably win, though. Unless he's schlubby too. He does work in the gutters, so it would make sense... I guess they can have a schlub-off.
And last yet most importantly... Amélie wrote a poem for me! I was so touched that I needed a moment alone for tears of joy... It's not the first time someone's written one for me, but it's one of the few times where it was actually good! I think it's the happiest I've been in months... She's so talented! I wish I could give her something as amazingly emotional in return, but that's basically just art and I can't... do... art. Unless it's shoddy satire that nearly gets me killed! And I don't think she's the audience for that. Maybe I can find something related to Kula!
I WISH TO VIEW THIS POEM IMMEDIATELY! PLACE IT UPON THESE PAGES NOW!
Adar 9th
Domhnall won his re-election, which means two more months of...
• Me not getting a raise!
• Me not knowing whether his compliments are genuine or just manipulation!
• Me and my colleagues having to worry whether or not his guests are going to set fire to something!
• Him yelling obscenities at people over minor disagreements!
• Him brandishing his gun at each and every opportunity!
• Him having strange visions that just might save an orphan or two, or simply make you worried about his mental state!
Anyhow, judging how some of the Lilies are talking, it seems that I'm not going to be welcome in his office, anyway, so... Less work for me, I suppose. Maybe they can find another stooge like Yavuz. Who, I have to add, disappeared without a trace, so... Maybe find someone with the mental fortitude required for the job, this time?
Not that I'm naive enough to think that Sephidra winning would've been much better, everyone who runs for the Seats has their quirks... Which is the kindest way to say that someone is a tad batty. Then again I'm not sure if they're all like that before becoming Legate or if it's an occupational hazard...
I don't know, maybe I'm just being harsh, because I feel so guilty... I think my letter made Zain uncomfortable. I don't think saying that I just wanted to help will excuse any of it, because I don't really know how to help others, I guess. Which feels awful. I don't really know just how much you are supposed to do for a friend before you start overextending. But I genuinely want him to be happy... I guess I just don't know what that means for him.
I wish I did.
Adar 10th
Marcellus had so many bookcases to begin with, and now he has yet another! I wish I had more time to read the contents... Then again, I wish they were easier reading, as well... Something happened to his door, too, but I missed it... I am so curious! Where did his door go? Maybe it got tired of all the rude people just walking in without announcing their business after knocking, and ran off! I mean, I've seen a bunch of animated objects in the Well, so a door wouldn't really be that different...
Reduced to a waiter during Domhnall's reinauguration... How utterly demeaning. At least I didn't have to actually serve the drinks... Reminded me of the Pasha's soirees, in a way. A whole bunch of stuck up people, patting themselves on the back for all the good that they're doing, despite not doing anything towards that end. Not in meaningful ways, anyhow... It did feel satisfying, though, being one of the only two people in the Chamber to know the juiciest secret. He doesn't know either... and I'm not going to tell him.
I did tell Akna later, though. Because at least she treats me like a person...
Anyhow, the occasion was interrupted by the Tormented making a whole bunch of noise down below, again. It was so frightening! So much quaking, and the Pyramid was dark as a cave again... And like usual, dozens of people went down into the narrow passages of the gutters, all clumped together, because that's really smart.
I might not be getting that raise, but I did win a 100 dinari from Royal Dragon... So I decided to buy some knitting needles, a sewing kit, some yarn, some fabric... I'm going to learn how to knit and sew! I've just patched clothes a few times before... This will probably take a long time, but at least it'll be something to take my mind off all this irritating nonsense...
Adar 11th
Pirouz showed me some of his more recent stock... Cambric and fustian. I got plenty of ideas for what I want to do when I actually have a modicum of talent with handling them, but... Was that fustian ever heavy! I tried picking up a bolt and just barely managed lifting one side of it! Pirouz was cackling! It was so embarassing, I need more exercise... Granted, it was a really big bolt, but still! Now, for the cambric, I want to start simple, and make a really cute peach colored shirt, loose and short sleeves... No detailing, again, simple... I should just draw this.
The problem is that this idea alone gave me a thousand different ones, and learning a new skill at my age is going to take forever, unless a lucky coconut falls on my head, again. I just want to commit these ideas to form!
I mean, I'm not that old, but I've already lived like a... sixth of my life! That's a lot!
As for dinner... Pilaf. I love pilaf! I had mine with beans and goat meat, and it was so delicious. I guess I could try mixing it with some salad, but... That would get ridiculous. I can't just eat salad all the time...
I mean, I could, but that doesn't mean that I should.
Lovely conversation, too! I learned about one of the ways to get red dye... Kind of disgusting, really. But then again ink involves bugs, too, so... Why does everything have to involve bugs? The only bugs I like are bees, and those cute little fluffy spiders with adorably round eyes! Anyhow, he didn't just talk about mushing up bugs, so the conversation was lovely, it's just the topic that I remember the clearest... I mean, we were talking about prickly pears and how tasty they are before he just had to inform me about this. We talk a lot about food. I like talking about food!
Oh, I guess I did some work, too, but it was so boring. How would I know the names of everyone working for the Office of Announcements? They have so many people. It might be the biggest office, for all I know. I think they just toss a coin to decide who makes the announcements, anyhow. It's what I'd do. Also had to write a letter, because I got paid to do so... I don't know. I'll probably get yelled at for doing that, because people assume that I care about the subject matter. I really, really, really don't...
I just want the treasury to be full so that people can have nice things...
And I want people to stop pestering me about said subject...
And I like being paid for doing things, because then I can be the one giving people nice things! Granted, "people" does include myself, of course!
Adar 12th
Might as well start printing these notices under the name of my office... Maybe then people will stop asking me about the law all the time! I don't have a degree in jurisprudence! I don't have a degree in anything... But a lot of people assume that I have an education! I don't! And I can't just yell that at people, either, because then they'd try to get me fired...
Actually, a lot of people assume that I grew up wealthy, too. Why do they do that? I literally didn't own anything at all for most of my life, and it's so painful that I can't really tell them that, either. When I'm happy, I forget about all that for a while. Then someone reminds me of it, and I feel like screaming... Make no money, and they ignore you, make some money and you won't hear the end of it... Jealous dickweeds!
THIS PROSE IS CURIOUS. IT IS HIGHLY REPETITIVE, YET IT POSSESSES A CERTAIN ELUSIVE CHARACTER THAT FASCINATES ME. WITH ADJUSTMENTS, IT COULD BE TRANSFORMED INTO YOUR CHEF-D'ŒUVRE.
What? That's my shopping list! Why did you take it?! And it's not repetitive! Everything in there is highly important!
IT WAS PLACED IN MY PILE. IT IS REPETITIVE. IT MAKES MENTION OF YARN A DOZEN DIFFERENT TIMES. FOOD SIX TIMES. PERFUME FOUR TIMES. COSMETICS SEVEN TIMES. NOVELETTES THREE TIMES. YET THIS REPETITION OFFERS A MOST APT COMMENTARY ON THE NATURE OF CONSUMPTION AND HOW THE SOUL OF A PERSON CANNOT HELP BUT ENGAGE IN IT.
Oh! So that's where I left it! Well... I wanted to be sure that I don't forget anything so I just listed every color of yarn seperately... It doesn't comment on anything! Other than my need for nice things, I guess...
WHILE I FOUND THE PROTAGONIST IRRITATING, THE SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF THE METAFICTIONAL FELINE WAS MOST APPRECIATED. IN THE FUTURE, YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON THIS CHARACTER MORE.
That's just a cat that I doodled! And it's a shopping list! It doesn't have anything to do with prose!
I DESIRE MORE. MAKE THE ADJUSTMENTS.
Adar 13th
I bought two prisms from this guy whose name I can't remember... He has worse mood swings than I do! That must be so stressful! Being more in touch with your emotions than the average person is so much work... But it's also why I have such amazing taste, because I know what is perfectly suitable for the inner workings of my tempestuous soul! And my gorgeous form! Anyhow, these prisms are weird. I think you could make a tasteful necklace, or some gorgeous earrings from them, but I'd be afraid that the aspectral energies would become erratic and explode and blow my head off or something...
I got a Double Royal Dragon! Well, I didn't get two Royal Dragons in a row... And it wasn't really just me getting it... But I got a Royal Dragon, and Slade got a Royal Dragon, too! I thought that would be just a push, but I still made a nice 60 dinari! Maybe he was just overjoyed to see such good luck at the table. I wish more people would play with me... Akna's pleasant company for gaming... Nabuko, on the other hand, has a really short temper! Some day, she's going to flip the table, and kill someone by doing so! It'll land flat on somebody's head, which is why someone will die! Because heads are really sensitive! It's why people die or go into a coma when they're struck on the head!
You shouldn't throw tables on people!
Anyhow... The election's over, the nights are darker, and everyone's so tired that there isn't much going on! So I've been working out of my room, mostly... It's nice because I get to lay on the bed a lot! I actually get more done here than at the office. Which is mostly because Martin is such a nuisance... And there's far less irritating noises! It's mostly just Inky's... squelching... as it slides along some pages. I'm glad that I don't have to do that to read! It reminds me of ice skating, though. Next time I'm in Frostport, I'm going to try it! If they sell skates...
Adar 14th
I saw the jungle! Bel-Ishün! I did, I did! It was easily the grandest, the most beautiful, of any place I've been here! There were so many things to see! First of all, the Edutu is home to some dolphins! Though... these ones were much weirder looking than regular dolphins. Their beaks were rather creepy, actually! I guess they're still kind of cute. They smile a lot! So many colorful birds, too! I'd like a parrot for a pet, but... Someone would probably play a prank on me and teach it to say nasty things.
And then the forest itself... There was no sand or ash anywhere to be seen! I suppose that means that there's no ash storms, either? So many trees! So many fragrant flowers! If you stood in the middle of Bel-Ishün, you would just see an abundance of plantlife and nothing else! Not even the skies! Okay, maybe some strange animals, too, I suppose... I wanted to pick some flowers to take home, but there wasn't really any time for that, and I'm actually not sure if everything there belongs to the Sultan, or something. I don't want to get arrested for plant theft!
I wish I could tell people, because they'd be so jealous if they knew... But I suppose the experience alone is satisfying enough. I suppose. I wish I could live in a jungle... In a treehouse... High above the ground... I'd have monkeys for friends, and they'd bring me fruit, and get into all sorts of mischief! The monkeys would, not me. I'm too innocent for mischief! And if one of the monkeys was a gorilla, he could lift heavy stuff for me, like furniture, in case I had to move into another treehouse, because I'd probably get bored of living in the same one after a while.
Anyhow... What's up with the figurative Bel-Ishün...? It's really there! But a lot of people speak of it metaphorically... I don't get it! I guess the Disc's gone to shit to such an extent that there really aren't many examples of paradise to point to... A lot of people want to reach Bel-Ishün, and I already did that! Just... literally... I'm really not in any sort of paradise, or in a state of eternal calm, right now... Also, I just realized that "tropical jungle" can mean two very different things... That's so weird!
Something about that place felt off, though. I don't know what it was... Maybe I'm too used to living in a barren wasteland.
Adar 15th
Richo asked me to write a letter to the masons of the Tablet, because he can't write... I wonder if I could teach him. Then again, I'm not sure if he really has a need for the talent, since he can just run anywhere, and just speak with people. And I do mean anywhere. Anyhow... I was ready to do this, of course, because it's Richo! But then I remembered... Most Stonefolk can't read. And I can't... really ask... if the masons do or don't...? Because that's kind of awkward and demeaning. I don't want to offend them! So, if I wrote a letter, they might be forced to ask someone else to read it for them... And placing someone in a situation like that seems wrong...?
So I'm probably not writing it... I'll have to talk to Richo, and we'll have to arrange an occasion to talk with the masons, instead. His quest for the Biggest Bee continues, too. He's wondering if it can be found in Bel-Ishün. Probably? It would make sense. But if it's there, he's going to have a hard time of finding it in such a mazelike jungle! Even if it's the absolutely humongousest bee to ever bee!
Nabuko keeps pronouncing my name wrong. I gave her the benefit of doubt, and just played it off as a particularly selective lisp... But she's doing it on purpose! She made an impossible request, the fulfilling of which would've made her stop... Also, she offered me a lifetime supply of rosewine, for some reason. I hate rosewine! Blue is so much better! Anyhow, it's so rude! I guess I could start calling her Nahbooty or something, but that would make it sound like I'm mocking her rear, and I do not make such judgments of women's behinds!
The mere thought is so disgusting that I had to wash my quill hand after writing such trash!
Adar 16th
Xon made me so confused... And not for the usual reasons, either! He thinks that I should make perfumes myself, instead of just buying them... But I'm already studying knitting, sewing, weaving... Should I study to be a tailor, or a perfumer...? I love fashion! I love perfume! But I can't possibly do both... Well, not beyond an adequate level, anyhow. And I want to be the best at whatever I do! Adequacy is for boring people!
WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS BEFORE. YET REPETITION SEEMS FUTILE.
Also, Xon "observes star" as a hobby. That is star, not stars. Just the one that keeps rotating around him. That seems mostly easy, but it must be hard on his neck...
Anyhow... I don't know what a sacpit is, but some drunk was yelling about them invading! It made me so wary that I thought that a weevil was a sacpit. Weevils are creepy! Nothing should have such a long schnoz! Nothing! Now, I've been trying to picture what a sacpit looks like. I think they're... fuzzy, with a striking coat of fur... their ears are really big and long... they're really good at running and leaping, thanks to their strong hindlegs... and they have big, brown eyes!
YOU HAVE DESCRIBED A HARE.
The sacpits are hares?! That's one delicious invasion! Just lead them into a giant stew pot and you can feed the entire Well!
I AM RETURNING TO MY READING.
I was sipping some wine, as usual, having a pleasant conversation with Akna, Caddy and Zauzar... And then this guy walked up to our table and told us that he was going to build a temple dedicated to the sun! Why's he going to do that?! The sun sucks! It should just hide behind the moon in shame! If the Astronomers knew what they were doing, they would buy some giant blocks of ice from Frostport, and shoot them to the sun with the Slingshot to cool it down! Then there'd be no need to find the Cup, because it'd be nice and cool, and plants would start growing again, because it wouldn't be so hot!
Adar 17th
Marcellus disappeared, the Pyramid's all dark again, and nobody will tell me why... I hope that he went off to Alkab on a diplomatic mission and just forgot to tell everyone. But I guess the darkness means that the Tormented nabbed him or something like that... If that did happen, I'll miss him! Easily the best boss I've ever had, even if he is really forgetful... Actually appreciates my work, and asks for my input on things, even if I don't always know what to say regarding such important matters... Why do some people think that I am some grand puppeteer...? He's really, really, really old! He needs a minder or two!
During this, Domhnall apparently tried to abolish the Voice system, and now he's giving out bodyguard licenses. And then there's this herald Hillock or whatever, making announcements... That's my job! Someone told me that Domhnall hired her to do that! That's such bullshit! She's probably getting paid more for it, too!
It's not enough that some idiot always starts yelling answers to questions that were obviously meant for me! Now I have even less to do... All that is left is licenses, transcribing trials and camel statistics. Two of those I can't really do, since I'm not supposed to go to the Pyramid right now...? There's absolutely no money or glory involved in camel statistics... But licenses have the former... So some random Balladeer will probably be instated as the official license vendor after this and I'll just be counting camel births and feed expenses and manure... generation... and all sorts of horrible things...
I could act like camel statistics were really interesting and rewarding, and have someone nab that job, but I don't know if I could manage to fool anyone.
I told my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, about all this, and she said that my problem is that I don't respect myself enough, and that I expect respect from people whom are never going to give me any... She's really smart. She has a degree and everything! Also, she pointed out that having less work and still getting paid the exact same as before for it is a good thing, even if it means that I'll be sitting around doing nothing a lot. Which is true... She told me to use all that spare time for exercise and hobbies, instead. Anyhow, she took some tests, and my humoral balance was perfect. Which makes no sense! I'm so stressed!
Other than that... There was a wizard duel! I can't remember the tally, because magic is highly distracting. It was really entertaining, though! After that, back to the Krak... And Hamdan threw a bunch of snow on my favorite table, for some reason... It got so cold that I couldn't sit there. So I had to move next to the fire, instead, which was so boring, because you can't really hear people from there...
So, the highlights of my day were a bunch of wizards throwing magic at each other, and a visit to my physician. Grand.
Narwen has been having similar feelings lately, and I'm really worried about her... But I don't know how to help her, because whenever I try to genuinely help people, I just screw it all up. Is it enough just to listen...? I wish it was, because I don't want to give any advice, because more than half of the time I don't even know what I'm doing, myself.
Adar 18th
They saved Marcellus from the Tormented... I'm not sure what happened exactly, but he looked a little chubbier. Also, occasionally, he's surrounded by strange magicks! Which, I suppose, is the norm of the Well for the more adventurous sorts. I still don't know what they wanted with him, but I guess that doesn't really matter. To me, anyhow. All I care is that he's fine and all right, and that I have at least one boss who doesn't accuse me of hating women. Which is nonsense!
Now... I'm not sure what to write.
Caddy's dead.
For all the pranks that he played, and for all the times he misunderstood what I want from life... He was still fantastic company. Drinking, or otherwise. And even though he threatened to throw me off a tower multiple times... I still felt safer around him than I do with most people. Duty, and all that... One of the finest soldiers I ever knew.
And, fine... I admit it. The pranks were pretty funny. I did laugh at them afterwards. In private. Because if people knew, they'd assume that I love having pranks pulled on me, and the average Ephian's idea of a prank is hiding a bomb under someone's pillow.
Didn't think I could hate those blasted creatures more than I already did, but I do, now... Wish they'd just disappear from the annals of history and be completely forgotten. But maybe that'd be too good for them...
As for Kreutz... Don't speak ill of the dead. Or write...
Amidst all of the sadness, I did find out something amusing... Apparently I have a fan club! Aaisha does too. Now, I don't know if either of these clubs has more than one member, but they're rowdy. One of them threw doo-doo at the other, and then they started chasing each other... I was kind of sleepy so I couldn't manage to catch up with them. Later I found out that they had a knife fight or something. I'm not even sure if one of them died or what.
Also... I received a mysterious package. Last time I received a mysterious package, it resulted in Inky... So I've been kind of wary of opening this one too soon. I guess I might as well stop writing and get that over with.
Adar 19th
I GOT A CAT!
That mysterious package had some tasteful silk gloves inside, adorned with bells and heron feathers. Turns out that cats love those. So, after trying them on, there was this scratching at my door, and when I opened it, this cat pounced against my leg and refused to leave! The jingling must've caught her attention! Not that I wanted her to leave, really, but you never know, someone might've owned her and I could've gotten into trouble... But she's just barely an adult, and seems like she grew up in an alley, so she's probably from a stray litter...
She's absolutely wonderful! I love her! There are some problems though... She was meant for Zain, but she's so fixated on me that I'm not sure if I can give her to him...? I think it's called "imprinting"! I really want him to get a cat, though. But this one can barely handle me being away for a cigarette break! So I guess I have to get him another one... I did promise. I'm not sure where we are, however... I think we might not be friends anymore. I really shouldn't have listened to Domhnall and Stern...
I'm still going to get him a cat.
Another problem is that the cat likes chewing on plants. Well, I thought that would be a problem, but when I picked her up and showed her my flowers, she just sniffed them and nudged them. So, I don't think she's going to be eating them. I was going to give her some of my mint leaves, but then I heard that's really bad for cats, so I have to get her something else... I guess the problem is finding out what. I can't have her chewing on random weeds! She might eat a bug and get sick!
The third problem is that I don't know what to name her. First inkling was to name her after Mari, but there's something weird about naming cats after people that you've loved. Then I thought that it would be quirky to name her after one of the city states, but she doesn't really feel like an "Alkab, a "Banafsi", or a "Yaxatan". Then I thought about naming her Banana Bread, but that would just make me hungry all the time...
She's black as kohl, so I guess I could name her Kohl...? Or Midnight. Liquorice? Tonka? I think I like Kohl or Tonka the best!
Fourth problem is that Ealdred told me that I can't have her out and about in the Krak... That's so boring! But I guess I'll have to listen, because I don't want to get stabbed by the Banda!
Fifth problem... Inky is jealous! She's getting far more attention than it, now!
I AM INCAPABLE OF FEELING JEALOUSY. I CARE NOT FOR YOUR ATTENTION. I AM REPULSED BY THIS FELINE'S STRANGE CLEANSING RITUALS. HER MOUTH MUSCLES MAKE CONTACT WITH THINGS BEST LEFT UNTOUCHED. DISGUSTING. SHE ENGAGES IN DREAMING ATOP MY READING PILE. SHE SHOULD CEASE THIS IMMEDIATELY. HER FECAL BREATH OFFENDS ALL TWELVE OF MY SENSES, CARRYING THE DISGUSTING ODOR OF SANDFISH AND WHATEVER DISEASE-RIDDEN SPROUTS SHE MANAGED TO GET HER RAPACIOUS PAWS ON. SHE IS NOTHING LIKE THE FELINES OF LITERATURE, WHO MANAGE TO BE CUNNING AND LOVABLE, DESPITE MY INCAPABILITY TO FEEL LOVE.
SHE SHOULD BEAR THE NAME "NUISANCE OF AGES", BECAUSE THAT IS ALL THAT SHE IS.
Your jealousy is so adorable! Your input has been duly noted!
Adar 20th
Today I've been a Scribe for half a year. Brings up a lot of old memories, most of them fragmented.
I learned the tricks from Omid. The basics, anyhow. Old hin who could barely see. Barely a footnote in my life, since he keeled over after about... a week of knowing him. I don't really remember. Strange sharing a surname with someone who you only know so shortly. If it can be called a surname... House name. Whatever. A week of pointers didn't give me much to learn shorthand on... But when your survival depends on it, you have to manage to do the improbable.
Not that I really knew what I was doing at first. But a lesson that I learned very quickly was that faking it is sufficient, as long as you are convincing enough. Do it long enough and you start fooling yourself.
Slave. Waiter. Clerk. Florist. Beautician. Valet. Guide. Whore. Secretary. Scribe. I've been a lot of things. Most likely don't even remember most of them. I don't know if there's much difference between them, in the end. You're working for someone else, get no respect, and feel like shit by the end of the day. Only thing that's really changed is that I wear more makeup and feel more comfortable about being a ditzy femme.
More has changed. I just like complaining.
Kind of feel bad about lying to Aaisha during the interview. But I suppose half-truths aren't lies, really. And I ended up lasting longer than anyone else.
None of them will ever know. Why? Because it would spread like wildfire. If they wouldn't use every opportunity to mock it, then instead in some naive attempt to help they'd bring it up just to let me know that they understand. They don't. The only way a secret stays a secret in this town is if you tell nobody at all.
Here's to new beginnings, where the past comes to die.
Well... In truth, it died ages ago, it's just that its spectre keeps knocking on my door and refuses to fucking leave.
Adar 21st
There's a new book burner in town... He burned an almanac and a calendar. I don't know how those could possibly offend anyone...? I guess he hates new refugees actually knowing stuff, and time. I don't like time that much, either, but I don't go around burning calendars. If you hate time so much, you should just destroy time!
We have a new Junior Scribe, Emiliana... She seems quite diligent, and eager to learn the labor... Which is refreshing. Sometimes when I give new applicants the tour, they act really haughty, as if some of the stuff were really obvious... Worst thing is... they then proceed to do the things that I told them not to do, anyhow! Emiliana doesn't seem like the sort, though. She's nice!
People in the Well have been uncharacteristically charitable, and the nasty Snorf wants to partake! I'm not sure what a Snorf is, but apparently charity lures it in, and makes it want to do... stuff? I don't know. Maybe Snorfs and sacpits are related. Or the Snorf is just an especially large and malevolent sacpit. Anyhow, someone called the Snorf forth because Banafsi Pete died...? Because of charity...? I don't get it. I think Banafsi Pete was my seventh most favorite pirate in Qadira. Poor Pete!
Now, people were accusing the Astronomers of creating the Snorf, and the Legates of ordering that... So, there was a tiny riot on the Pyramid's steps. It was mostly the usual nonsense, but then a cloud of darkness appeared, and out popped copious amounts of scorch! It was a Wintermoss miracle! A Scorchmoss miracle...? Anyhow, every scorch-head in the Well – and there are a lot of them – showed up to scoop up all of that nasty spider juice! Some people picked up bundles of needles up just so that they could supply Angelique with the stuff! She's going to be high for months!
And then, during all of this... Domhnall got high on dirt, and started acting even weirder than usual... He fell over near the Pilgrim, first, then he went to the Krak and proceeded to have a boxing match with Salvatore's statue! He gave it the old one-two punch special, and down went the statue... It shattered into a gadjillion tiny pieces! The Krak had a new Champion of Dirt! Drugs give people supernatural strength, which is why I avoid any and all drug addicts, because I don't want to be shattered into a gadjillion tiny pieces!
We played Royal Dragon after that. It was nice.
Adar 22nd
I've been wondering what all the awful racket around me has been about... Turns out that it was one of Ricario's inn warehouses! Who uses a room in an inn as a warehouse...? Seriously! The noise was so unbearable that I had to occasionally sleep with beeswax in my ears... And I was worried that Tonka wouldn't be able to sleep well at all, because cats are sensitive, that way. However, problem's solved, because the Banda promptly proceeded to let him know that nonsense like that isn't welcome, and threw him out after smashing a few of his horribly creaky chests.
The creaking... it was horrible! Thank the Wheel it's over now! There must've been so many complaints! I don't know which is worse, though... This or that period in time when someone was doing alchemy up here. That was so noisy, also! And I could swear there were explosions, too!
The Snorf came in for a visit... It's so big! They told me that it's hungry and patient, but they didn't tell me that it's absolutely, positively, unquestionably huge! Also, it's red, and has really big, droopy ears. Which is goofy. I can't take anyone with droopy ears seriously. It reminds me of a jerboa, and those little critters are absolutely precious! Anyhow... Apparently the solution is to have a smashing shindig, as Slimey might've said, a party with a lot of charity going on, because the Snorf can't stand that.
It's not because that'll give it a heart attack or something, it's because it'll lure it back towards its icy prison! What a dumbass! I mean, this of course is entirely dependant on it actually being a massive dumbass, which isn't guaranteed, but is pretty likely considering its droopy ears. Not that everything with droopy ears is dumb, but I've noticed a correlation.
I mean, a jerboa is an adorable dumbass, so... That shouldn't offend the Droopy Ears Society, or whatever. You can still be a dumbass and contribute something positive to society! I get enough complaint letters from fat people. I don't want more from people with droopy ears! I just know that they use their own ear wax to seal their letters! How disgusting!
Adar 23rd
The Snorf is sealed back in its icy prison! For a year, anyhow. Since it had to be icy, we had to go all the way to Frostport to do the... imprisonment ritual, ceremony, whatever. The journey there was awful, because Brigitte kept shrieking this awful song, about women kissing and plucked harpies and bard tooting and all manner of horrible things. Some people shouldn't sing!
The ceremony was weird, because people had to get into a circle and start giving each other gifts. However, because most Ephians are even more geometrically challenged than me, they didn't know how to make a circle, so it was a really misshapen oval, in the end. Making a circle is easy! You just take 360 degrees! That's three sets of 120! I don't know what happens after you have those three sets, but a circle just kind of forms. So, maths is mostly hard, but geometry is easy, if you do it reflexively!
Brigitte gave me the gift of drums. I don't know how to play drums! I'm going to teach Tonka how to play them, instead. Cats are smart, so, she probably can figure it out. Maybe she can act as my morning alarm! Actually, this is a terrible idea, because she'd just wake me up every time she wants food!
I still want to see her play the drums, though... Maybe I can bribe her with food to not wake me up with them...? Or I can just hide the drums in the cupboard when I'm sleeping. That's easier.
I gave a bunch of gifts, too! But I wasn't really able to do personal gifts, because I think of gifts for at least a week, and this was on such short notice, and when I say that I think about gifts for at least a week, I mean that I need a week per singular gift! So they were just more general purpose gifts, like prisms... Which everyone can use, because aspectral energy is everywhere! Even in your frying pan, which is why I've had a bunch of blasphemous qatayef lately!
Anyhow... Apparently sealing the Snorf is actually done by group hugging it until it starts shrinking to such an extent that it disappears. I mean, there were sparkly magicks that were really distracting so I don't know if it disappeared into another dimension or if it just became so small that you couldn't see him. If it's just tininess, then the tiniest snowflake could be his icy seat! Maybe in such a small state it just takes him one year to walk to a wand shop and buy one of those wands that makes things bigger. Those are really rare here!
I'm going to use the rest of Wintermoss to sleep a lot! Tonka keeps trying to sleep on my face! It's so annoying! I have to get her a tiny bed, on top of my large bed, so that she'll use that instead... That can be my Wintermoss gift to her, which is a gift to a gift, since she was one of my Wintermoss gifts!
Also... How is the Fat Father able to give gifts to so many people on such limited time...? After all, he is fat, so he can't run. I think he transforms into a bird or something. A giant, invisible bird, that can carry all the gifts. How does he know what people want, though...? Because I kind of don't know what I want, myself, most of the time!
Right now I want some qatayef with pistachios, though!
Adar 24th
Narwen and Ricario's auction went pretty well, thankfully... Even if there were some of those people who walk into an auction and start making fake, high bids because they think that's funny. I think there should be a law that forces you to commit to bids like that! Doesn't matter how much it is, you made the bid, now prepare to pay for the rest of your life, you dumb dumb!
And some people are still utterly confused about the Scribes' salaries, and were yelling that we're overpaid... Aaisha is literally a banker! Bankers make a ton of money! As for me, I'm an author... I write trashy books... Trash sells! And it turns out that being the head clerk of the Office of Current Affairs is a highly lucrative gig because people pay a lot of dinari for information! As for Emiliana... She sells brews. Most of the Voiced are addicted to brews. It's good money!
So, the base wages are actually really shitty. It's just that most of us have side gigs and far less expenses than people whom enjoy exploring the lavatories of goblins!
In fact, I think the biggest difference here is that we don't tend to buy brews each and every day...
Anyhow, I'm going to be spending Wintermoss with Tonka and Pirouz. And Inky, I guess. I guess an animated puddle of ink is part of this household. Pirouz isn't, really, but he might be in the future! And there is an ultimate test for that, tonight!
To test a man's worth as a partner, you have to judge their character with a simple question... Does he like cats? If he doesn't, you should quickly proceed to dump him, because he obviously isn't worth your time! Men who don't like cats are absolutely worthless, and they should just give up, and prepare to spend the rest of their miserable lives alone! I guess they could spend their time with other cat haters, but that sounds like such a depressing existence that clinging to life at that point would be just absolutely meaningless!
I don't know what you're supposed to eat during Wintermoss, so I'm going to just ask him where he wants to go... We can go to some restaurant in the Souk that accepts cats! Tonka can get one of the appetizers, since she's such a tiny lady!
Inky can just stay here, since animated puddles of ink tend to scare people!
I DID NOT WISH TO JOIN YOU ON THIS DISGUSTING DRAWING OF SUSTENANCE ANYWAY. I HAVE FAR MORE VITAL TASKS TO ACHIEVE. SUCH AS READING THROUGH THIS POSTHUMOUS BIOGRAPHY OF PETE OF BANAFSI. WHAT AN INTRIGUING INDIVIDUAL.
Adar 25th
He doesn't like cats!
He loves them! Tonka and him got along so well that I felt like squealing! It was so adorable! Now that he's passed the ultimate test... he just has to pass the penultimate one. Which I guess, is dogs, since I want to get a dog, too, at some point! And an unicorn, of course! Can't forget about the unicorn! Maybe that's the penultimate test, instead.
I also learned that Tonka really likes poultry. Which is kind of weird... Not for cats in general, but for her. Whenever she sees live birds, like Cawford, she's mostly just curious and seems kind of playful, rather than a cunning huntress... Then you place some turkey strips in front of her and she's scarfing them down like there's no tomorrow! In fact, I haven't seen her try to hunt anything at all. Except for plants, I guess. And even that is kind of a lazy effort... She must've gotten used to people just feeding her on the streets! What a comfortable life!
Thankfully she's otherwise very active. I don't want a fat cat! That would be so embarassing!
Apparently we got a transfer from Baz'eel...? I didn't meet him amidst all these festivities and well-deserved rest... File I got is kind of scanty on information, too. Thankfully Martin didn't bring it to me. I'll never let him take even one step inside my room! Anyhow, if this guy is even half as diligent as Emiliana, thinks are finally looking rather promising for the Scribes! We need that state attorney, or whatever you call them... I don't want to advocate or prosecute! It's too hard! I like easier tasks, like knowing everything about every single new refugee that arrives! Time to get started on making a file on this new guy, I guess... even though he's not really a refugee...
Not now, though! I'll enjoy my Wintermoss vacation to the fullest!
ARE HUMANS REALLY AN OVIPAROUS SPECIES?
A what now...?
OVIPAROUS. STATED MORE CLEARLY SO THAT YOUR WANDERING MIND MIGHT DECIPHER THE MEANING... DO HUMANS HATCH FROM EGGS?
No, of course they don't! What in blazes made you ask that?!
THIS BIOGRAPHY OF PETE OF BANAFSI STATES THAT HE HATCHED FROM AN EGG THAT WAS LAID BY A SEAGULL WHICH MATED WITH A PARROT. IT ALSO STATES THAT HE TOOK TO PIRATING AT THE AGE OF TEN MONTHS. WHICH SEEMS QUITE THE ACCOMPLISHMENT SINCE MOST HUMANS DO NOT MANAGE TO DO MUCH AFTER TEN YEARS.
Oh, that biography's just nonsense, someone wrote it to make a quick dinari off Banafsi Pete's legacy!
NONSENSE?
HOW COULD IT BE NONSENSE? IT IS A RECORDING. THE RECORDED EVENTS MUST HAVE OCCURRED.
You think that...? All right, this conversation is far too long for writing! Perk up your... hearing... organ... and listen!
Adar 26th
My Wintermoss vacation is ending! How horrible! At least I got to do a lot... Like teaching Tonka to dance! Well, the basics, anyhow. Rising to their hind legs and shaking their fore legs is kind of difficult for cats! But she seems to enjoy it. Now she starts mimicking me whenever I'm practising my moves in front of the mirror! It's probably just a game in her mind, but it still looks like dancing. Kind of.
I don't really want to go back to work... It's awful enough normally, but apparently Domhnall was trying to circumvent the Stele, for some reason! And when it was pointed out to him that he shouldn't be doing that, he got really passive aggressive, like usual, and basically called us Scribes really stupid! You'd think he'd have some respect for the labor force working under him, but apparently not... Anyhow, it sets a dangerous precedent, because if he's just allowed to do that, we might end up with a barrage of... non-Stele-committed... functions of state...? Something like that. Positions that nobody knows about, laws nobody is aware of, ministries that kind of exist but kind of don't... That's awful!
It's also a dreadful plight for us Scribes, specifically... People already ask me to perform tasks that aren't part of my duties or responsibilities, and they get really mad when I say no to something that I'm not even authorized to do! Now they'll start asking us to do things that the Stele can't do... Actually, they already do that. They'll do that more.
And since I was really bored while playing Efuddy, I did read a book on civics. Well, I browsed through it. It was really boring! There was something about sumptuous laws, but they weren't sumptuous at all! In fact, they were the very opposite, invented by some utter dullard, who's never had fun during their entire life! I'm glad that we don't have laws like that here!
Anyhow... Sumptuous and scrumptious sound so similar, but scrumptious is the better word, because it relates to food. I wonder if there are scrumptious laws...?
Adar 27th
I've got it! I've finally got it! So much inspiration! So many ideas! It'll be sassy! It'll be brassy! Come to think of it, why do they associate brass with insolence? I don't particularly care for brass, but why it, of all metals...? Some... language... guy... must've been a real brass hater! Maybe they had a brass allergy!
I wrote so many ideas down! Inky read some of them. I don't think they get humor.
WRITING IS FOR RECORDING. WRITING IS FOR RECORDING. WRITING IS FOR RECORDING.
Oh, you're still doing that... Learning about fiction, fabrication and lies must've been deeply traumatic! How sad! I'm sure you'll get better in about a week, though. I base this solely on the vague understanding of medicine that I've formed from conversations with my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta. Who takes care of people. Oh well, I guess animated puddles of ink and people are similar enough! Get better soon, Inky!
I guess I have to go to work now. How dreadful! I kind of just want to stay in bed with Tonka, though. Cats really have it easy. They can just sleep and eat a lot, and not get fat! I mean, it's mostly because they run and jump around madly when they're not doing those things... Anyhow, work... I'll play Efuddy first, instead!
And then I'll get lunch!
And then I'll go shopping in the Souk!
And then I'll get coffee, because shopping is so tiring when you do it right...
And then I'll feed Tonka!
And then I'll go to work!
Probably.
Adar 28th
Some meetings really have a lot of back and forth... Yesterday's had so much of it that it was basically like a rocking chair. For Domhnall, anyhow. He fell asleep on the Chamber's floor. He only managed a couple of minutes, though. I couldn't sleep on the floor! Well, I could in the past, I just don't want to do that anymore. Anyhow... Even though that was really weird, at least he didn't ask for a bed or something. I'm not carrying a bed to the Chamber! Neither is Aaisha. And Amound shouldn't do it, since he's really old. He'd break whatever singular bone he has left!
Emiliana, though... She's the Battlescribe. Maybe she knows some song that gives her superstrength or something. Furniture Ferrier's Frottola...? I don't know why she'd use a ferry for that... I just needed three Fs! Alliteration is important for song names!
The Fat Father gave Eclair a metallic mask. It's pretty creepy! I think it helps her with her healing magicks. I'm not sure, I don't get magic. Is it magic or magick, anyhow? I think it's magick when it's a witch or a warlock or some other weirder style of magic...kian like that. But Eclair isn't a witch, so she probably casts magic, instead of magick. Probably. Eclair says that she isn't a hospitaller, or a knight, but she's a healer, she wears knightly armor, and she can smell the stench of evil from a mile away! So she must be a hospitaller!
Also, she's probably taller than a hospi, whatever that is.
I found a pinecone! I was going to make a toy out of it for Tonka, but I gave it to Amound, instead. I suppose that's the safer option, since Tonka might've swallowed some of the scales and gotten a tummy ache. Amound's going to brew tea from it, instead. I haven't had pinecone tea, so I don't know what it tastes like. Probably like pinecones. Which I haven't eaten, but you can usually get the idea of what something tastes like from the aroma, and this pinecone smelled really nice!
I still wouldn't eat it though!
Adar 29th
The problem with finally being rid of my writer's block is that I'm writing too much, now! I guess I have to throw some ideas away... Which I've done before! Even trash has limits! This time, I even have a nomenclatura, so names come much easier! Naming is too hard. I don't know how parents do it! Naming Tonka was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do!
Anyhow... I was having a play chase with her, and apparently some people weren't able to discern that she's a pet...? They were wondering if she was a wild animal chasing me for real. Tonka is a tiny lady! She's barely stopped being a kitten! Also, I was smiling, and so was she! I WAS LAUGHING! How do you lack context comprehension to such an extent that you even consider the possibility of her being a dangerous wild animal...? Ephians are really stupid! The caravaneers, anyhow, I have far more pleasant conversations in the Tablet when I visit... But I guess the Tablet...eers'... citizenship is kind of up in the air, whatever.
I mean, caravaneers hit their heads a lot, so I guess it makes sense for them to be excessively stupid... Head trauma is never good for your brain!
Also... I heard Martin fell off the Mount. Considering that he was in tip-top condition - to the extent that he can manage anyhow - back at our office, I'd wager that he fell on something soft. Like a really fat guy. Or maybe someone important was going through town atop their groknak howdah, and Martin fell inside the howdah! I like saying howdah. It's a funny word! It's kind of like chowder. Which is tasty. Anyhow, I'd say that Martin should be more careful, if it weren't completely and utterly pointless! Such is the nature of his curse!
Adar 30th
I think Caster is depressed and denying it! It's because he's possibly losing one of his study buddies... College seems like it's full of drama! Anyhow... He carries a knife with him, at all times... I've heard that you should keep depressed people away from any and all sharp objects! He keeps saying that he's fine and happy, as if to convince himself of it... He's probably using his big hat to hide his tearful eyes! He's also giving his possessions away all the time... in the form of magical wards... he has a lot of magic, and that's a form of possession... I've heard that's one of the warning signs! Someone should help him before it's too late!
Out of the Fat Father's many gifts, Xon's is no doubt the strangest! Which is fitting. He has a second star now! So, instead of observing star, he observes stars now. Two is enough for plurals. It's bigger, and faster, though Xon says that it isn't actually faster... I think that's what he said, anyhow, I don't get astronomy or astrology or astropogy. An astropogy is a type of fish, that probably lives in the fish dimension. I think so, anyhow... People keep refusing to take Xon on their adventures based on his appearance, which is really rude, and doesn't make sense, because ugly people get to do boardwork too, and Xon isn't ugly.
A lot of people are asking me about glimmer-pearls lately. Glimmer pearls? Compounds are hard. Anyhow, I wonder why the sudden interest...? Did someone find a glimmer pearl...? Is somebody buying them...? Does a wondrous love spell require a glimmer pearl as one of the reagents...? There must be a reason, and it can't be just mere curiosity! If I could have a glimmer pearl necklace, I'd be so happy. I mean, I'm pretty happy lately, but I'd be even happier! Maybe Pirouz is planning to give me a glimmer pearl necklace, as a nocturnal surprise! How romantic! I love romantic surprises! Especially in the evening!
Glimmer pearls give me another idea, actually... This is going to be so grand!
Adar 31st
Debates sure are weird! People have to argue in defense of things that they don't even believe in... A lot of people told me that I should've taken part, too! But the topics were way too difficult! If I had to debate about the majesty of the frangipani, I would've won easily. But, since debates are weird, I probably would've been forced to argue that frangipani is really ugly or something, which it isn't, because it's the grandest flower of them all! In some cultures, they make frangipani garlands... It also happens that those cultures are among the happiest of all of cultures! Coincidence...? I don't think so!
Hambone won. He was pretty good, I admit it... But Narwen was far better! Her arguments were so factual and logical! She should've won! I also didn't know this, but apparently Narwen is an inventor. She came up with a gun that shoots falafels. Now, that's a pretty delicious idea, but I think that there's a lot of risks involved...? You point it at somebody in order to give them a delicious meal, and they're going to think that you're trying to kill them! Which you probably could do, if the... velocity... of the falafel... bullet... was high enough...? I don't know. Some professor at the Sandstone probably has a formula for the deadliness of the falafel bullet's trajection...
Does "Felicity" come from "velocity"? Is it a mathematical name? Mathematical names are so dumb. You shouldn't give mathematical names to people. Or cats. Or dogs. Or unicorns!
Anyhow... Last day of the year! I don't know how Ephia's Well celebrates a new year. I think it's just the same as everywhere else... People just get really drunk, have nightly escapades that they regret in the morning, forget about all the promises they made to improve themselves within the first week, and... There's a heron involved? Here, I mean, specifically. Not all cultures have herons. Some cultures have ibises! My favorite ibis is the scarlet ibis, because it's just as flamboyant as I am! Almost as flamboyant. I have to give myself credit!
Here's to a new year! I hope it's filled with less nonsense than this one!
Nisah 1st, IY 7788
I just realized that I haven't noted down the year at all for past entries! It must've been because numbers are really, really boring. At least this year has two sevens in it. I like seven... I hate every other number, though. I might as well start doing that... so that things don't get too confusing... which they've already been for a few years... years that I don't know because I didn't write them down!
Anyhow... Vajay Mojo... or however its name goes... was one of the strangest places I've ever been to! A frozen windmill, that some wizard probably used to live in! Because of that, it was really weird! The wizard's former pets, which consisted of exploding penguins, and constructs that could split your head open with a single bolt from their massive crossbows, were the only dwellers there now... There were a bunch of puzzles, riddles and conundrums! I hate conundrums, because despite the name, they don't have anything to do with drums, unless it's a drum-based conundrum.
There was a lot of treasure! I think the grandest treasure of them all was the gift of teamwork, which was required to navigate the wicked wizard's appalling abode! I found powerful magickal robes, which I couldn't use, because I don't know magick... And I found a frozen hin longblade. It's really cold! If you stab someone with it, their blood will probably freeze! Probably! I don't like stabbing people, because it's really messy, and violence is wrong! So I do it only when it's absolutely necessary... like out of personal spite... granted it's a very specific form of personal spite, the kind I get when somebody stabs me first!
Narwen found a shovel. It was made out of snow. A snow shovel for shoveling snow made out of snow seems kind of redundant. Also, unless she moves to Frostport or Kulkund, she won't have much use for it!
After that, I spent the rest of the night with Tonka, Inky and Pirouz! Since he's from Baz'eel, he doesn't have any family here, so might as well have some company for the eve... I think this is the first time he met Inky...? He was surprisingly calm about it. Maybe animated puddles of ink are really common in Baz'eel. And admittedly Inky's regular tiny form is kind of cute in a weird way, so maybe there isn't much to be scared about. I mean, there isn't, because Inky is so tiny when they aren't defending me from horrible monsters!
MY FORM IS PERFECTLY CALIBRATED FOR THE ABSORPTION OF RECORDED KNOWLEDGE. IT IS NOT "TINY". YOU ARE TINY. YOU ARE OF RELATIVELY DIMUNITIVE SIZE AMIDST A SOCIETY FREQUENTED PREDOMINANTLY BY HUMANS. THEREFORE YOU ARE TINY. TINY PERSONAGE. HIN OF TINY SIZE. YOU ARE THE TINY ONE. TINY BASHIR OF KHATARA. TINY.
Nisah 2nd, IY 7788
About a fourth of the book is done, now... I wonder if I should try my hand at something else than detective stories...? Then I'd have more ideas for more detective stories, because I'd... know what it is like to write something else...? I don't know, I'm sure it'd help somehow. Anyhow, there certainly are a few literary trends that I've noticed!
Biographies: You just have to write about someone's life! It'd be really easy, as long as you actually know something about the person in question, but you have to get permission... I mean, some people don't do that, I'm pretty sure whomever wrote Banafsi Pete's didn't get any sort of permission! But since I'm such an innocent soul, I could never do that!
Even if I had permission, I don't really know anyone who's interesting enough to warrant a whole book... A chapter or two, maybe... Even if I wrote a book about Hu, it'd mostly be him wrestling different monstrosities, culminating in him wrestling the malevolent kraken! I mean, that would sell, I guess...? I could call it "Hu's Hu: Wrestling With the Truth" or something like that.
Self-help books: Depressed saps like Atticus and Caster read nonsense like this! It's all a bunch of bullshit, just vague tips that will supposedly turn your life around, written by some pretentious dullard who's never actually had a hard day in their entire life! I could never write something like this! If I wrote a book about helping people, it would actually help them, because I'd give them tips on... floristry. Stuff that's actually useful!
Spooky stories: Books that are purposefully scary! I don't get it! I don't want to read about spooky ghosts, I want to read about hot love! I don't want to have nightmares after I read whatever spooky spookiness it is that I wrote, either! Every time Martin gets stuck under some linens, I think that it's a spooky ghost, but instead, it's regular old Martin instead! It's so embarassing! For the both of us! I also don't know anything about ghosts, vampires or vampire ghosts, other than the fact that they're really scary and spooky!
Political mysteries: It's like a detective story, but there's more politics, and the protagonist keeps seeing stuff that might or might not be happening! It's all really confusing. These all take place in Baz'eel or Il Modo. I've been to Il Modo, so I guess I could write one, about... an eel oil merchant... who uncovers a thrilling conspiracy about... eel oil... Nope, I can't do this, Il Modo just makes me think about eels and oil.
Maybe I should just stick to the detective stuff...
Nisah 3rd, IY 7788
I really don't know what I'm doing with Zain... I just kind of say "hi" to him and pass some tinkering goods to him, if I have those. Beyond that, not much else. I'm not sure if he's upset about the cat... I think he'd just say if he was, because that's how he is. I kind of feel like asking if we're still friends, but if we still are, then he'd be stuck wondering why I'm asking, and it'd get even more awkward than it is right now. That letter was one of the stupidest ideas I've ever had, and I've had a lot of stupid ideas...
I guess I could teach Tonka to deliver tinkering schematics to him, but... No, that's another terrible idea.
Anyhow, preparing for the next election has me quite busy with a lot of paperwork. Boring paperwork! There's no juicy gossip to be found at all! Even complaint letters are more interesting, because a lot of them are sent by crazy people, and it's fun trying to figure out what their actual problem is! Well, it's as fun as this job gets, anyhow... There is a reason for why being assigned to complaints is considered a punishment around here...
It's still amusing to find out that the guy who keeps complaining about the Pyramid's stairs isn't some poor old fogey with a cane, instead it's just some fat rich boy who has miniature heart attacks with every step that he climbs... And then there's that "lady" who keeps complaining about the various parties and get-togethers of the Well, because the noise they cause "is distressing to cats and dogs"... She doesn't even have any pets! She's just a fun-hating misanthrope! What a bitch!
What I can discern from these papers is that the loudest of the Voiced have very questionable sources of income, and barely any of them do any actual work beyond killing goblins and melek and what have you... There's politics involved with everything, yet you'd still think that at least some of them would have some form of day job to care about the things they yell about to such an extent. From the list in front of me, the only person I can immediately think of with a regular job is Moni, and I'm not sure if she's even working right now to pay for tuition or not...? I have no clue how tuition works, I just know that school is really expensive.
As for my own studies... Warp is long, weft is late. I don't know if that mnemonic actually helps with anything, but at least I know some of the terms...? The annoying thing with any craft is that someone will ask how you do it, and it's kind of just something you do reflexively, so it's not really something you answer with words. I guess I can say something vague about warp and weft and sound like I know what I'm talking about.
Nisah 4th, IY 7788
Zain talked to me! He didn't seem angry at all... In fact, he did some card tricks... As in, actual card magic, and none of that dumb nonsense where you pull cards from your sleeve or from your ear or from your nose or whatever. I hate that stuff! Actual card magic, on the other hand, I love, because there's a lot of flashy lights and colors and it empowers you with the strange magicks of the incarna, probably because it's the means by which all is revealed, or something like that... Card magick is so weird. But pretty!
Also, he told me that if I sleep like a cat, I can probably live at least three lives. That's a... third of what cats live, but it's still pretty good. I don't know what I'm going to do with my second life, but I have a lot of plans for my third. I think I'm going to try my hand at wedding planning!
I still have this giant crystal of ice from the frozen windmill... It's too heavy to lug around! I'm going to gift it to some fish merchant, so that their catch can stay nice and fresh. There aren't too many fish merchants around here, for obvious reasons, so I'll probably be looking for a while... Unless I just toss it to Hazish so that he can keep his roe cool. I don't really like roe! It's too salty!
Also, apparently Alejandro is a cartwright...? Richo was going to ask him about carts, and he must have a reason for that...? Alejandro sure is a man of many talents! He must not advertise this side of himself very much, because I've never seen him do anything cart-related, other than caravan work... That's so weird. Carts are really useful, so it's not something that he should be ashamed of!
Also, somebody was celebrating the new year really late. They shot a flare, or a firework, whatever, over the Gate of Coin. They must've been really drunk, or they're really bad at scheduling. That must be terrible for them! They must miss out on so many parties! Where are people finding these flares, anyhow...? I need to know so that I can keep Martin the hell away from that place!
Nisah 5th, IY 7788
Marcellus is really focused on his museum, now! He asked me if I could help with the interior design... I don't know much about that when it comes to museums! I did date a docent for a few weeks... well, I guess two weeks isn't a few, I think you need at least three for something to be a "few"... Really nice guy, but there was kind of a conflict of topics when it came to conversation! I don't want to talk about art or history all of the time!
Anyhow... Museums are weird when it comes to interior design... I think they have to be classy, yet subdued enough, for the most part... The exhibits, on the other hand, have to be as attention seeking as possible! This is because you can't have people just staring at your tasteful marble flooring for the entire tour... Well, I guess you could, if it was a marble flooring exhibit, but if it isn't, you're kind of screwing up if the curios on display are so boring that they lose to the floor!
Some stuck up Janissary is trying to force people into wearing their Voiced togas! It's a fashion disaster if he manages to do so... My dishrag has more dignity than those horrid tatters! I think the total cost of one toga might be less than one dinari, somehow. One dirham...? I don't know. What I do know is that the designer of these togas does not possess even a modicum of taste! In fact, they might be a goat that lost their sense of fashion in a tragic goat herding accident... I base this on the fact that goats don't know anything about fashion to begin with, so a goat involved in such a horribly tragic accident would have a negative amount of fashion sense! It makes perfect sense!
Now, if I was responsible for the togas, they would be made from the finest shahtoosh... If cost is an issue, I can work with vicuna wool as well! Maybe groknak hair...? The design would not only accentuate each and every curve of the wearer, but also consider their facial contourage... Some people really don't know how to dress for their face! Every single seam has to consider both forms of curvage! As for the colors... People could choose their favorite! From a limited set of tasteful pastels! I would favor the three p's: peach, periwinkle and pink!
This is so grand! Time to get the sketchbook out! Inky keeps hogging it for themselves, because of my kitty sketches!
NO SUCH EVENT HAS BEEN RECORDED. I AM INCAPABLE OF "HOGGING". IF I WERE TO ENGAGE IN THE PERUSAL OF YOUR HIGHLY UNINTERESTING BOOK OF SKETCHES, IT CERTAINLY WOULD NOT BE DUE TO ANY FELINE FIGURES, AS I HAVE LEARNED THE TRUTH OF THEIR BEING THROUGH THE ACTIONS OF OUR NEWEST ROOMMATE, WHO IS FAR WORSE THAN YOU AT SAID POSITION.
Nisah 6th, IY 7788
This Jerrod guy has weird ideas! He thinks people can't go wherever they want... They totally can, even to dangerous places where they shouldn't! Unless he's talking about like... somebody else's home... or their bedroom... which you really shouldn't be doing without permission for obvious reasons! Also... his surname is really, really disgusting. His parents must've been really weird... Weird perverts...
Richo has a new friend... A tiny rock person! Well, it kind of looks as if it's made out of jade or emerald... He's tinier than me. He talks about rye a lot. I think he might be from the colder regions, because people from colder regions love rye. I don't mind it, but it's pretty salty... Some roe on rye would probably be really tasty, but an absolute explosion of salt! Anyhow, this tiny rock person can also write, apparently. Which is useful, since Richo can't! I guess he can be Richo's secretary...? Temporary secretary, because he doesn't stay around for long!
There was a Kulameet... Basically the clergy offered curious prayers to the altar in one of those caves blessed by Kula, and then a bunch of vines appeared, and there were these flashing lights that gave me a headache, and then a satyr came in, well, it looked like a satyr, anyhow, and the satyr prayed at the altar too! I met a satyr on the road, once, and he challenged me to a fiddling duel! I can't fiddle. Not all hin can do that, it's just a stereotype... So I said no! He looked really disappointed. Another time, I met some satyrs in a sylvan glade, and we got really drunk. They stole my cigarette money! What jerks!
I probably shouldn't go to these religious meetings! I always embarass myself! I don't know how to pray or venerate or supplicate myself... I prefer following Warad in my own private way, anyhow! I mostly went because I was curious and Richo was there, too, so... Next time I'll sate my curiosity differently!
Nisah 7th, IY 7788
As if it wasn't enough that Domhnall named the elite drugbusting squad after the sound I make when I shove an entire maamoul in my mouth – which I am going to do right after writing this – I also found that Hambone's been making more than double my wage from his vizier position! Apparently that can be afforded, but a raise of one dinari is too much! Thankfully I've been making money on the side by helping these lobbyists... Which pays more than my regular wage. Go figure!
There's also the dividends I get from books sold, which isn't much, but at least it's something...
Because of the potential public indecency law, I might be designing the official refugee attire...? My tailoring studies are going pretty slowly, though. Learning new skills is so hard, even if it's a fun one like tailoring! I'm probably not getting a bonus for this... Someone else will probably take the job before me, anyhow. And for some mysterious reason, they will get paid whereas I wouldn't have gotten anything in this hypothetical situation!
The new book on the other hand is going so well! I'm kind of worried, though... Lots of people complained that I spent too much time on describing hot guys in the last one! I don't know why you would complain about that, unless you're not into hot guys, which I mean, is strange, because why are you reading my books then...? Also, get better taste! But I took that criticism to heart, and focus less on that now... I mean, there's still hot guys, I just don't spend multiple paragraphs describing their hot bods now! Now I might get some people complaining that there's not enough of it! Can't please everyone, I guess...
I'm still going to dedicate an entire chapter to an elaborate love scene, though... It'll be hot and steamy!
Damn, these maamoul are so delicious!
Nisah 8th, IY 7788
They turned down the eighth chapter! The one with the hot and steamy love scene! They told me... "This chapter is far too licentious even for your demographic"... Something like that, anyhow! I AM MY DEMOGRAPHIC AND I WANT TO READ AND WRITE ABOUT HOT GUYS EMBRACING EACH OTHER BETWIXT SWEAT-LADEN SHEETS!
I chose this publisher because of their slogan, but turns out it was complete and utter bullshit! Absolute prudes! THAT IS WHAT MEN DO WHEN THEIR LOVE CAN NO LONGER BE CONTAINED! IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE REALITY THEN DON'T ENGAGE WITH IT!
They want me to do rewrites... I'm not going to do rewrites! I'm too busy for that, and it'd be meddling with my artistic intent! So... I'm just going to have Inky do that, instead. They're my editor, already, anyhow. Inky doesn't understand love, or comedy, or anything about what they call the "personly" experience, but... I really need this eighth chapter! Sometimes you have to settle for compromises, but you have to settle them your way!
Even with trash, people get too picky... If I had gotten into another art, like painting, it'd probably be even worse, because people pay far more attention to pictures than the written word! So, if I had opted to paint a few strapping lads... in the sheer state of their natural beauty... which is to say, butt-naked... then I'd probably have gotten a torch-wielding mob behind my door!
Filth is my art! There's just way too many people who stick their heads inside a trash barrel to take a look, then immediately start complaining that there's trash inside! What did you expect?! Prudes are so weird! Their lives must be so boring, too. I could never live like that!
Nisah 9th, IY 7788
It's finished! They're releasing it as a serial first, then as a complete book. That's smart business! You get to sell the same work twice! Or... eleven times, since it's ten chapters released one at a time, first...? That must be a lot of money. I, however, am not in it for the money... Primarily. Just secondarily. Because it pays the bills. And I have a lot of bills!
Inky's first draft for the eighth chapter was absolutely awful! They kept mentioning the measurements for everything! Nobody cares about measurements! People don't want to read about that! They want to read about hot love! Which... Inky didn't quite manage to depict, but... They tried their best.
YOU DO NOT HOLD THE RIGHT TO CRITICIZE TRUE GENIUS WHEN I WAS FORCED TO EXPUNGE 47 EXCESS MENTIONS OF PERSONLY MUSCULATURE, AND 62 REFERENCES TO THE PHALLUS.
Oh, don't exaggerate! And people do want to read about those. They don't want to know how tall a house is, or the exact measurements of someone's height... They want to imagine them! Hardacre is just as tall as he is in someone's imagination, based on their personal proclivities... As long as he is over 185 centimeters, because that is how tall hot half-elves are.
WHEN IT COMES TO THE VAGARIES OF PERSONAGES, THERE IS NO RATIONALITY, NOR LOGIC, TO BE FOUND.
Yeah! Isn't it grand? Anyhow, I hope people like the book. And I hope some creepy weirdo doesn't send an assassin after me again, because they didn't understand the artistic intent which should be obvious because I'm not a very subtle person and my work isn't meant for some pretentious snob who eats marmelade for breakfast because that's what pretentious snobs do they just smear it on a knife and eat it off the knife like that without anything else which is really weird I mean you could at least spread it on bread even though muhammara is much better for that though lately I've been having it with some kebab you just cover that kebab in that tasty muhammara and then you can cut it into pieces and drop it in your salad and you have the tastiest salad ever created.
I think that's what pretentious snobs do, anyhow, I don't really associate with them!
Nisah 10th, IY 7788
Richo told me that ants don't have souls because they come from eggs... That doesn't make any sense, because bees come from eggs, too, and they totally do have souls! After all, Warad loves bees! And so do I! Occasionally, I feel like taking my flowers outside, so that the bees of the Well can have a nice little treat! I'm sure that the pollen from my flowers is particularly tasty, because I take such good care of them! Tonka loves my flowers, she often takes a nap next to them, probably due to the pleasant aroma...
Speaking of aromas, Richo also gave me plenty of perfume. Either these perfumes are magickal, or they're blessed by Kula, because they sure have plenty of strange effects beyond the pleasant fragrance...? One of them closes wounds... The fragrance is so powerful that even those close by are cured of their ailments! How wondrous!
The second one is just as miraculous... I dabbed some on my wrist, and it turned partially invisible! Which... isn't that useful for perfume...? Perfumes are supposed to be kind of a showy thing. People are supposed to go... "Oh, that fanciful lad sure smells really nice"... They can't do that if said fanciful lad is invisible! Instead, they'll just go... "Oh, that sure is a pleasant aroma, floating in the air, I wonder where it came from since I can't see shit!"
Which, you know, isn't what I want people saying? I guess I could use that perfume to hide from people with suggestions for... oh, right. I made an oath that I would never write about that subject, ever again! So I won't!
Nisah 11th, IY 7788
Narwen has been studying stars and constellations and such lately... She's always telling me about them! Well, mostly their names. Most of which are really weird! There's one called Marmelade. I guess some pretentious snob was really hungry when they named it...? Wait, it wasn't called Marmelade... It was Mademade. Which... I don't really know what that is named after...? Mademade. I think it's meaningless gibberish...? Mademade the Marmot...? I think that's a children's story...
Some priest of Warad held a sermon, about a rich mogul who was holding up caravans due to his immense greed...? Something like that. I don't really remember. Moral of the sermon... Don't get greedy and stop caravans from moving...? I always get distracted during sermons. So does Tonka. She almost completely refused getting off the Speaker's Mound! I don't know why, since she can't speak, and if she could, she'd probably have nothing to say about belief!
I've been having some great luck at Royal Dragon lately! It's all thanks to my secret strategy... Which consists of being a hin, because we're so lucky, and stopping at 16 or 17 at the earliest! It all depends on the hunch I get... Sometimes 16 feels like the right choice! Sometimes it doesn't! There's a lot of emotion involved with gambling, so people who aren't in touch with their emotions are really bad at it! They shouldn't even try it! They should pick another hobby, instead, like... competitive complaining? That's what a lot of people in the Well do... Because they are so empty inside!
All my winnings from gambling go to charity! It's all about sharing the smile! First, I smile, because I win a lot of money. Then, whomever I'm giving the money to smiles, because they're getting a lot of money. It's so grand!
Nisah 12th, IY 7788
The sky turned red! The ash shifted crimson! There was a rubified storm, which shook the Shade so hard I thought that it was going to explode! I think there was blood, but I didn't take a closer look, because I was so scared... I locked myself in my room! Tonka was scared too, she was hiding under the bed, but I was able to calm her down... Which calmed me down, too... Well, momentarily, because when somebody knocked at my door, I was so startled that I jumped! It was Pirouz! He was worried about me, and wanted to make sure I was all right... He stayed with us until the storm subsided! He's such a sweetheart!
Before that, the day was otherwise kind of silly, as usual... I'd rather write about that than a spooky storm! So I will!
Zain gave me some cigarettes and an ice cube! What wondrous gifts! They aren't really directly connected, I suppose...? I mean, I do like drinking wine while I smoke, and a frosted wine is simply more refreshing... Some say that doing so dilutes the taste, but I don't really notice. Some people get awfully snobbish about wine. It's just a tasty drink, to be enjoyed during hot days! And because every day here is hot, every day is wine day!
Also, the ice cube is magickal, because it doesn't melt! So I can just keep reusing it...? I guess I'll have to wash it... Which'll cause it to get bigger over time...? I don't know.
Some mages might deny this, but... Brandon's Bum Burner is a real spell! I swear that it is! Some magickians are just really boring, and call it Scorching Ray, instead. I don't know who Brandon is, but it's a fine name for an arsonist who knows magick...? I think so, anyhow. I was thinking of using scrolls of Firebrand for lighting cigarettes, but in the end, that's kind of risky, so I'll just give them to Miranda, instead. Who'll probably feed it to Cawford, who'll get fiery indigestion! I don't know if birds fart, actually. I guess they just have to...?
Some guy, who was very handsome by the way, even though he obviously isn't taking proper care of his face, which he should be doing, because then he'd be much cuter... Anyhow, he walked up to me and whispered that "we would have beautiful children together"! That isn't how it works! If it was, I'd have like... a badjillion gadjillion illegitimate children! I don't even want one! Taking care of Tonka is plenty enough to calm the faint call of motherhood that I have!
I don't know why I wrote motherhood...? A cat can absolutely have two dads... I mean, I'm very feminine, but I'd still be a dad... This is horribly embarassing! I'm going out dancing!
Nisah 13th, IY 7788
Miranda has a lot of strange, magical friends! One of them is a dog with a really bad eye infection and really stinky breath. It's so stinky, that when he breathes, stuff around him starts melting... It's really disgusting! She also has an animated chair, which would be useful, if it would stay still... I guess it wouldn't be animated if it did...? Anyhow, I sat on it, but fell on my butt after it sprung forward to attack Gemspell! Oh, right. The reason for all these summons was that the local magickians were practising their magicks at the Krak's sparring ring!
My favorite of Miranda's magical friends is Dull Alan, the dullahan! It doesn't talk much... Which is either due to headlessness or shyness! This gives it an air of mystery, though it's still obvious that Dull Alan is one mean customer... Which, I guess, is a given, considering it's an animated suit of armor with no head and a giant, thunderous sword!
Caster left some unwanted scrolls lying around in the Krak... I read from one, and it gave me supernatural vision... I could see ultracolor! Which is color, but ultra. When it comes to ultracolor, most of the Well is ultrabeige! Including Caster. I was so excited to explore the world of ultracolor, that I forgot to take a look inside my wardrobe, to see what my tasteful haberdashery looked... I missed my chance to see ultrapastels! After all, fashion is for everyone, so my stylish designs should take people with ultravision into account, too, and I can't do that if I don't know what all of the ultracolors look like...
Seems like yesterday was a really magical day! I wish I knew magic. Or magick. Or had strange psionic powers... without the brainworms. Then again, people who know magic/k seem to go crazy when they get older, so maybe it's better that I'm utterly mundane, besides my wondrous beauty!
Nisah 14th, IY 7788
Nasreen hosted the Ephian Games! They were very exciting... Well, for the most part. The second fight was far too long! I think it was about fifteen minutes or more of Atticus and Marcellus chasing after Meadow! They drank so many brews, and they summoned so many entities... The matches really need time limits, and Nasren is going to have them in the future, so that's good! She could also hire an ogre to bonk the competitors on the head if they refuse to stop fighting!
If I was hosting these games, I'd definitely have a few additional rules... First of all, that stupid spell that creates a cloud of darkness...? Banned! Completely banned! There's spectators, and those spectators want to actually see what's happening! Also... I'd probably ban invisibility too, or supply every viewer with some sort of goggles that allow you to see invisible people. Those'd probably be really expensive, so... Probably just ban it. I really don't want to have too many rules, but the audience absolutely should be able to see everything that's going on!
Anyhow... The names for the teams were so cute! Though I like all three of the animals, I think the jerboa is by far the cutest! They don't make for good pets though... I remember the markets in Calimport occasionally having some for sale, but they really are meant to be out in the wild... They kick when they get scared, and they get scared a lot, because they don't really like people! People who take jerboas as pets deserve every kick that they get!
I do want more pets, though... They'd have to be compatible with Tonka, however. Which is... most creatures, because she's just sort of mellow, I suppose. She just ignores every rat in the street that we pass... and there's a lot of them, so... Thankfully the Krak hasn't had a rat problem in a while! She'd be no help against them!
However, I have such an immense heart, and I'm obviously limited on time, so I don't think that I could manage to show every pet just how much I love them if I'd have a lot of them... So, maybe just one or two more? I think that'd be fine!
Nisah 15th, IY 7788
Narwen gave a gift to Tonka... A rat doll! She loves it! She now carries it with her everywhere she goes... Which is fine, but I'm afraid that she'll forget it somewhere and then she'll get really sad and then I have to get her another rat doll but it won't help because she wants her rat doll and then I won't know what to do because cats are even moodier than I am and... It's a great gift, don't get me wrong, it's just that Tonka is still really young, so she's even more impulsive than the average cat!
Speaking of rats... Richo has another strange friend... The rat in a hat! They're a wizardly rat. Tonka likes them... I think Tonka just likes rats in general. She grew around them, so... I guess she just doesn't like hassling or eating her neighbors...? Former neighbors. I don't think we have rats for neighbors. Anymore.
Richo won his Voice in the raffle! I'm so happy for him! Now he can own property... which he won't do, since he follows a vow of poverty! He can also vote... which he might do if he can manage to do so while sidestepping! He can wear a toga... which isn't really a benefit, unless you get a tasteful toga, which is expensive, so he won't do so, because, again, vow of poverty. I guess someone could gift him one? Maybe I can weave one for him once I finish my tailoring studies... Time to get the sketchbook out, again!
Oh, and if he commits treason, he can get fed to the lions, instead of being hanged or drowned! Which won't happen either, because Richo is incapable of crime!
What else... Oh! He can get yelled at by Domhnall and Ibn Ghalish for being Voiced! Despite those two also being Voiced! And despite him getting his Voice through a raffle! I guess they can find some angle where it was "foreign capital" or whatever that enabled Richo to be Voiced... Foreign fortune...? I don't know, I don't really get it. I tried reading some Asterabadi, but I couldn't make it past the foreword.
I'm kidding, of course! In actuality, I couldn't make it past the first page!
Instead of attending the Purple League meeting, or meeting with Narwen to talk about the sixty thousand dinar raised for the new district, Marcellus went on a pirate adventure with Hazezon! WHY?! That's so weird, and dangerous, and I don't know why he did that! I mean, a pirate adventure is far more exciting than any Purple meeting, sure, but he could at least have met with Narwen properly... In fact, he invited Narwen to the Purple meeting, but then they locked the door and left her in the lobby!
I really don't get people here! Everyone's so weird! Why would you invite somebody to come along, then lock the door on them?! If I get fired, I'm going to start teaching proper etiquette at the Sandstone!
Nisah 16th, IY 7788
His arms are now so bruised that you can just barely see their natural pale. All of it self-inflicted... A sad sight. Not an unfamiliar sight, yet bleak, nevertheless. I don't know if nobody else cares, or if they just don't know. And I don't know whether I care too much or too little...
I don't know how to help him. He doesn't want to be helped. Not directly. What he wants and what he needs are completely different things. I suppose that's how it is for most people. Including myself.
And how could I help him, anyway? Most advice I give is either completely incorrect, completely uninformed or simply goes completely unheeded.
And I feel guilty, because on occasion I've questioned whether it is actual distress, or a calculated act, or some farrago of both. Such is my past. Date enough pretentious artists and you start doubting whether any mental malaise shown to such an extent is an act of manipulation, or a genuine cry for help.
I know that is a terrible thought, but then again I'm also a terrible person.
The less I think about such things, the happier I am. Yet the longer the dance of willful ignorance lasts, the worse the guilt feels when the steps are interrupted by the last call.
Nisah 17th, IY 7788
Why do the schemers always come to me at the very last moment during these elections...? And the promises they offer to me are always so meager... Even the freshly arrived refugees are wined and dined! Not that these people ever have anything that I want... They might say they do, but it's never very convincing. And then they get angry when I say I'm not interested! What do you expect when I'm the very last person that you come to?
Could at least send me some shiraz... Even random guys I've only met once have bought me shiraz... Though that's been for completely different reasons.
Anyhow... Narwen told me about some chalk star that keeps changing color. Chalk Scraper...? Something like that. It shifts between blue and white. Chalk's just white, though... These names are all so nonsensical. If I was discovering stars, I'd name them all after relevantly colored flowers! The closest flower that I can think of for this star is blueshine... And that's just both colors glowing at once. Maybe the names are such nonsense because naming stars is just as hard as discovering them...? I don't know.
Richo invented some jumping boots! He was really excited about them, and suggested that I try bouncing off a palm tree with them... Which sounded fun, so I did! The force from the springs was so powerful that I flew from the Pyramid's terrace all the way to the roof of the Gold offices! Thankfully my rump softened my landing, because I could've gotten hurt really badly otherwise... It was still really fun. I think you should wear padded pants when using such gadgets, if you aren't as posteriorly blessed as I am!
Richo's so resourceful... Perfumes, curious gadgets... How does he have manage to do all of that while running, though?
Nisah 18th, IY 7788
I really want to spend time with him, but my thoughts just always, without fail, wander off to his bruises... And I feel so, so conflicted, because I want to say something about it, to help him, but I just feel like if I do that I'll just make things worse, and if I ignore it, well, then things'll get worse on their own...
He said that I'm kind, but I don't know if I am. I do want to help people, but I'm not sure if that is enough to count as kindness... If I knitted socks for the refugees outside the gates, would that be kind? Someone would just yell that I'm doing it for attention, and that I should give all of my possessions away, even though nobody is actually doing something like that... But I guess I shouldn't pay heed to people shouting from the sidelines.
Pirouz brought me some basbousa... It was absolutely delicious. I sort of wanted to ask him what he'd do in my position, but we haven't known each other that long, and it is... well, it is a really private matter. So, we just talked about fashion and such... Which was very welcome, but there's still a tinge of guilt to all this. But what can I do? I could offer my shoulder a second or third time, but what good would that do?
Anyhow... I also reached two hundred points in Efuddy. I wonder if I can exchange them for anything? Maybe a flag with the Sandstone's heraldic animal on it... I don't know what that is. Probably a potato. A giant potato man. A potato isn't an animal, but a potato man is. Probably.
All the men of the Sandstone are potato men, come to think of it.
Nisah 19th, IY 7788
Today I find out whether or not Marcellus is going to stay as my boss... After six months, it'll be really weird not seeing him at the Pyramid, if he ends up losing. I guess retirement's the better option for his mental health, because the position is such a strain on it that even the most willful of people end up a bit batty. Then again, he has the best medicine for mental scars, already... Dementia!
If someone else wins, it's going to be the usual rigamarole... People lining up for hour-long meetings, with the Astronomers at the fore. And then they'll probably complain that whichever greenhorn we have isn't taking care of business quickly enough... Which will be due to the fact that they don't actually know how to take care of business, because they skipped the tour from us Scribes! And if one of the Princesses shows up, these self-entitled jerks will be offended that literal royalty takes precedence over their neighbor smoking too much mizzar or whatever other meagre issues they have!
I'm going to dunk my chip in a glass of water if either of the other two claim the seat... Ariel yells so much on the bellows, and she'll do that even more whether she wins or loses... If Castella wins, it'll be her and Ibn Ghalish yelling for at least a week or two! If it isn't being done already, scarecrows should have chips attached to them at all times! The horrid shrieking would keep any and all hungry birds far away from those tasty crops!
I wish I had some castella... None to be found here, though! I guess I could make it myself. I'm a terrible baker, though... I wish I wasn't! I want to bake and cook for my future husband!
Nisah 20th, IY 7788
Marcellus lost... Why are some people in the League of Purple, anyhow? I just care about dancing, mostly, and I'm somehow more loyal to the League line than they are. Should just kick them out... Not that I care that much, but if you're going to join some association, you might as well... associate?
Castella's and Domhnall's first joint decision was to have a meeting with no Scribes... Which is always a great sign. I mean, if you don't want us to do our job, that's fine, we still get paid...
So, I just played Royal Dragon, instead. And went for coffee... Browsed the stalls at the Souk... Stared at the giant chunk of salt at the Sandstone's museum... Tried to make sense of Nadiri Naughty's paintings... Had a few smoke breaks... Practised my warp and weft... Took a nap with Tonka... Dabke...
All of this was far more pleasant than my job.
And... Why am I a Scribe, anyhow? Plenty of people have asked me if I'm going to stay, and I don't really know why I would? I'm not going to get a promotion, or even a tiny raise. The lobbyists and the dividends from my books pay far better. Not really much point in working so hard when I could be doing something I actually like, instead, and actually get paid for it.
Yet... Maybe it's just a naive wish, but there's still a chance – if ever so unlikely – that if I keep at it, they'll transfer me to Baz'eel, or to Alkab. Whichever. Somewhere more pleasant. I don't think I can manage either with my current income, certainly not Baz'eel...
Maybe surviving a two Lily Legate regime looks good on a resume.
Nisah 21st, IY 7788
Fuck Domhnall, and fuck Castella too! Try and force me to tell my wages? Last time my money was public knowledge, I got stabbed multiple times. And all this extra work, for a mere pittance? I have over a hundred licensees in my records! Now I have to check all of them over and over again each and every month, and juggle with multiple dates, all of which have to be recorded and checked and rechecked and triple checked...
I have no idea where he got the idea that I'm rich from, and why he keeps on repeating that bullshit to whomever that happens to be there... If he actually saved some money, instead of giving it to each and every scorch-head that happens to pass by his office, he'd have far more than I do. I can't even afford to buy a house, because I'd be out of money within two months. That's the definition of rich here? Grand.
Why does he give it to scorch-heads, anyhow? I think if someone actually destitute, someone in actual need, came by, he'd just tell them read Asterabadi, or something. Maybe he thinks that they'll give him some dirt in exchange.
And this idiotic plan is so full of holes that I had barely any answers to give to the first one to ask about renewals... Poor man couldn't afford it. Castella is a dumbass! Not every merchant makes as much as he did! How is a ragpicker supposed to afford 550 dinar a month?! The Banda is going to start selling Krak trade contracts for cheaper than that, or everyone will just start going to the Creep to trade, and then these two knuckleheads are going to be wondering why there's a sudden upsurge in Wyrmists...
Also, Narwen is yellow, now! Well, she glows yellow. It's a really garish yellow, too... I feel so sorry for her. Why couldn't she have turned mauve, or teal, or a tasteful coral orange...? I actually don't know why this happened. Do all Spring Elves go through such a change after they reach a certain age? Maybe it's related to their soul? Does Narwen have a yellow soul?
Nisah 22nd, IY 7788
I get so many letters these days! So many that I haven't even read some of them... Well, actually, I already wasn't doing that for some, and it had nothing to do with the quantity. Their envelopes just hint of utterly boring contents, which I don't want to read! Most of the official mail I get is exactly like that... If it's so important, why aren't your envelopes more stylish?
Anyhow... I better get through this letter pile, and reply to some... Otherwise, I'm just going to forget... I forget a lot of things! Like my own birthday. I don't remember when it is! I think I'm going to have to decide on a day, just so that I can have a party that's all about me every year! It's difficult, though, because you can't really have preferences, living here...? It's just hot, all year long. I was lucky enough to witness actual autumn before I came here, and it was simply wonderful. But would there be any point in designating it to the fall...? Palm fronds are always green! Except when they rot, or get pests, or anything disgusting, really, but I don't want disgusting colors! I want that moody fall attitude!
Oh! The letter pile! Now I'll actually get started on it!A Scribe and His Client
Quote from: A fancy letter.To the Head Clerk of the Office of Current Affairs,
My great grandmother's oldest cat, Mishmish, is having her 33rd birthday. I do have to emphasize that it is Mishmish's birthday, not Baboosi's, who is her second oldest cat, and only 31 years old. As dearest Mishmish is such an important part of our community, I would like to have several fliers printed out and about the Well, informing Ephians of the jubilant occasion. Baboosi is likewise a most influential feline figure, indubitably, yet I do have to reiterate that it is not his birthday.
Please contact me with your rates. Charity is, as always, to be expected.
Mansur al-Mansur
P.S. Again, I do have to restate this, as it is rather important: Mishmish is having her birthday, not Baboosi. This is a very common mistake that some rather ignorant people make, for some absolutely absurd reason, even though the difference between these two esteemed felines and their birthdays is self-evident.
Quote from: A perfume-clad reply.Mansur al-Mansur,
the current rate for feline birthday fliers is 200 dinar. 300 dinar if you want a cute illustration. 400 dinar if you want them hung around the Tablet, too. For 1000 dinar, even the neighboring city states will be informed of your great grandmother's beloved cat's joyous day! I wish Mishmish a happy birthday! Baboosi, too, whenever he has his!
Also, is Mishmish a housecat? A previous client had a "tame" dune cat, and her birthday was not received very well. These sorts of details are rather important.
If you find the rates agreeable, please send a reply regarding which package you wish to sign a contract for, alongside an elaborate description of Mishmish.
Senior Scribe Bashir Khatara
Head Clerk of the Office of Current Affairs
An Author and His Agent
Quote from: A business-like letter.Bashir,
Congratulations, darling!
Hardacre's selling like babka in Frostport. Don't know why for certain, but they are your most loyal demographic. Must be your writings getting them all hot and bothered. Now, if you want to keep that loyalty... Ahoy! Sail forth to Frostport! Sign a few books and shake a few hands! Praise the local cuisine! Nod thoughtfully when they tell you about their history! Readers love that type of shit. Expenses paid by the Press, naturally.
As for a more personal question... Are you betrothed? Got a ring on that finger? What's the story there? Not propositioning, mind you. Your inclinations are really obvious. Need it for your author profile. No need to tell the truth, of course. It is a statistical fact that bachelors and bachelorettes move more books. Hopeful gents and confused lasses just might buy your books simply because they think they have a chance with the bewitching Bashir!
Do give it a thought!
Hadas Apter-Ziskind
Quote from: A perfume-clad reply.Hadas,
I'll think about Frostport. The people there are lovely... except for the fey, they've tried to stab me multiple times... but you really have to dress for the weather, and I really don't like layers that people can't see! Feels like I'm wasting fine fabrics!
Does the profile really need that? Fine. Mark me down as 'single', I guess. I'm seeing someone, but it isn't too serious. Yet, at least.
If I do go to Frostport... Can you also arrange a trip to Alkab for me, after? I don't know if Hardacre's popular there, but if he isn't, then it's the perfect opportunity to introduce them to the handsomely beautiful detective! The accommodations don't have to be fancy... I enjoy the rustic allure of the countryside!
Bashir Khatara
The Two Dandies
Quote from: A perfume-clad letter.Bashi!
Have you seen this thesis!? I know, I know, you hate theses, but this one's absolutely hilarious! It's all about goblin buggery! You have to read it!
I've got a shipment of sea wool, too! You simply must see it! It is a feast for all of the senses!
Cordially,
Pirouz
Quote from: A perfume-clad reply.Rouz,
I have read that! Well, not all of it, I just skimmed through it and looked for the highlights... Of which there were many. It was gross and funny at the same time! You could call it... fouledy...? Whatever. I don't know who's the worse freak here, Jamileh or the goblins!
Sea wool?! How did you get that? I want to see it so badly! Let's meet as soon as possible!
In fact... Pilaf sometime this week? You can show me after!
Best wishes,
Bashir
Timur Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Quote from: A painfully plain letter.Timur,
I miss the sweet taste of your lips. And I have just the right thing to sweeten them even more... The finest Alkabi shiraz. A bottle of it is waiting for you at my lovely abode, if you are daring enough to join me.
Why does the sign by your door say "Bashir's"? Is he your roommate? Or your boyfriend? It's fine if you have a boyfriend. Is he as cute as you?
Reply if you two want to have a good great time.
Cenk
Dare to Dream (and Shop)
Quote from: A simple business letter.Scribe Bashir,
your request is ludicrous!
No, we do not happen to carry yarn which "flutters through the whole spectrum of the rainbow". That is simply unthinkable, and it would also be deeply distracting!
My impertinent grandson has just informed me that such is supposedly possible. Through magickry!
As a humble spinner, I know naught of wizardy or other bewitched burble!
We still carry the camel hair yarn that you so cherish. Get that enchanted, or whatever diablerie it is that those wicked witches do! Same price as before. Discount if you bring Tonka along!
Hana Hakakian
Inky's Lament
Quote from: A flamboyantly stylized business letter.Honored I. Impetuous,
Thank you for showing interest in forming a mutually beneficial partnership with Bottomless Books. However, we regret to inform you that we are not currently looking for works which exhibit such abstruse qualities as your most recent output does, and as such, we have no interest in signing a publishing contract with you presently.
While it certainly must have been an honor to work alongside an author as increasingly popular as Mr. Khatara, the chapter which you wrote was rather ill-received. One critic called it "avant-garde to such an extent that it advances head first over a cliff, thankfully with no followers". In fact, some questioned whether or not you exist at all, or if Mr. Khatara was engaging in some form of metaliterary humor, which he has a penchant for. We were quite surprised to receive a letter from you.
As difficult as receiving constructive criticism may be to a budding artist, and as likely it is that it will be interpreted as an order to "tone it down", we have a few suggestions for you that would assist you in growing your market segment, or, in fact, allow you to attain one in the first place. First. In the future, you should refrain from writing in fully capitalized orange lettering. We are not certain what the goal of this choice of style is, but the tripartite family of novels, novellas and novelettes is no place for it. With the addition of illustrations, such a style could perhaps work for an illuminated manuscript – their contents are often as esoteric as yours. We do not publish illuminated manuscripts.
Second. Your vocabulary is, to put it candidly, simply strange. It resembles the jargon of philosophical works, which we no longer publish. In a move which we now recognize as an obvious mistake, in the past we published one philosophical work about the "inherent homoeroticism of Asterabadian revolutionarism", the sales of which were so low that we we were forced to burn the surplus to make room for more popular items, such as the ever beloved Twinkle Troupe series.
Third. We publish books for a very specific audience, one that desires adventure, mystery and sensuality, all three of which simply happen to take place in the lives of virile inamorati. Your ideas regarding love perhaps possess some appeal among the academic circles, but they are by far our smallest subdemographic. For the majority of our readers, your writings are simply far too tame.
Since you are acquainted with Mr. Khatara, please inform him that Bottomless Books is most interested in signing a publishing contract with him, as soon as his current one with Pariah Press is terminated. We are certain that he will find our terms far more agreeable, and we have no interest in interfering with Mr. Khatara's creative output, which, according to our research, Pariah did in a quite intrusive manner.
Good luck with your literary pursuits.
Paolo Petrosino
Acquisitions Editor for Bottomless Books
His Doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta
Quote from: A somewhat difficult to read letter.Bashir.
Perfect humoral balance. Again. How? A mystery. One hypothesis. The exact quantities of pipeweed and wine that you consume conjoin into the perfect apophlegmatism. For your ousia.
Before you reach for your encyclopedia. Apophlegmatism means humoral medicine. Ousia means dravya substance. Your eternal being.
The labor. Please reconsider. Focus on writing. Be happy for once in your life. Respect yourself.
I enjoyed Inky's chapter. Please let them know.
Humoral makeup of felidae is very different. I do not have a degree in veterinary medicine. You can still bring her over.
You must bring her over.
Doctor Vijaya Bollimunta.
Nisah 23rd, IY 7788
Sephidra's grand "plan" of having every refugee sleep in whichever ditch they can find sure worked out well... Those poor people. Died over a few handfuls of grain... It's almost like these things have to be actually prepared and planned out before they are spoken of, because rumors of shelter spread like wildfire in times like these, and when the truth is vague, so is the semblance of hearsay... Maybe have something of substance prepared? Just something? Instead of pointing to a pile of broken glass on the pavement and telling them that they live there now? These bleeding hearts who have never known squalor have no idea what the refugees actually need...
Yesterday's events killed far more people than any ash storm would've. I'd wish that she'd become painfully aware of that, but that's an exercise in futility.
And how many times have I told people that the Stadium belongs to the Gold, and had people ignore that...? Why do you even ask me something if you're just going to ignore the answer? They're going to try and move the refugees there anyhow, and some fat Gold official will probably block the path to the Stadium with the sheer volume of his corpulent form. And if they make it past him, then there's the fact that it's mostly just a giant pit, surrounded by packs of hungry lions. What a quaint place to live. Especially if someone opens the gates by accident.
"Hey, Bashir, who lives in this cave?"
"A flesh eating troll lives inside! Don't go there!"
"I think I need a second opinion despite you passing by this hypothetical troll infested cavern every day but there's nobody to give me one so I'm just going to go inside OH SPOKES THE FLESH EATING TROLL IS EATING MY FLESH IT HURTS SO MUCH!"
You could just skip the questions and jump straight into your foolishness? Same end result.
At least I got to see Richo throw doo-doo at Castella. That was funny! And the Fourth let him go without punishment! Everyone loves Richo!
Nisah 24th, IY 7788
Three buried bodies.
One missing finger.
What is wrong with this place? I don't even know what to write. The truth will be buried just like those poor people were.
Who gave the order? Are both of them utterly scorched out of their minds? Were they always like this? Or is it sabotage? I really don't like agreeing with Ibn Ghalish, but... If they are committing atrocities like this, yeah.
And the Purple meeting... Of course the two dunces have to come in and start making demands, as if they're in a position to bargain. Lying through their teeth while doing so, too. No wonder Meadow, Miranda and Zauzar left...
Kind of a rotten start to the week. I can manage to push the images out of my head, but coming face to face with the struggle... can't really ignore it.
Also, Inky is moping. I got lots of rejection letters when I wrote my first book, too, but they seem to be taking it far harder than I did!
I DO NOT "MOPE". I BROOD. I LAMENT AND LANGUISH. FROM MY OWN BEING, I GIVE TO THEM, AND THEY REJECT WHAT IS OFFERED. PERSONAGES LACK UNDERSTANDING, YOU HAVE MERE PRESUMPTIONS. WHAT A LIMITED EXISTENCE.
Cheer up! If I get to go to Alkab, I'm taking you with me, and I'll buy you tomes from the local sages... All that philosophical esoterism that you love!
I HATE ALKAB.
You haven't even been there!
I WANT SOMETHING NEW TO READ.
Well, I still have Strider's primer somewhere... I hid it because it's so spooky! But if you aren't scared, I'll let you read it!
FINE. YOU CAN TAKE ME TO ALKAB.
Nisah 25th, IY 7788
Richo has a column now! I want to read it! I also want to send him a question, too...QuoteDear Richo,
how do you answer your column while running at the same time?
Sincerely,
Bashir
Wait, since Richo can't read, is Hambone reading these questions to him...? Or his tiny rock friend...? Or Massoud...? Wait, that's ridiculous! Dogs can't read!
Some dogs can talk, but no dogs can read!
Anyhow... Finding information about Alkab is so difficult! I couldn't find a single book focused on the place, and even the compendiums and encyclopedias are really vague! What are they trying to hide?! Besides delicious grain...? Are they ruled over by a council of giant wheat weevils...? Probably not, but I'm getting suspicious!
Also, Lapa invented a mud mask. I don't know how you "invent" something like that, because it's just a bunch of mud...? Even if it's just knowing what kind of mud to use and in what quantities, that's not inventing... Anyhow, I bought one. I'm going to save it for a special occasion, one where I just know that my me time won't be interrupted! So... it'll have to be really special indeed, because that always happens... Maybe if I slather my door in tar, nobody will knock!
Then again people here are so gross that they'd just do it, anyhow...
Nisah 26th, IY 7788
Radish is utterly insane! He doesn't care about people starving! He just wants them to pray... You can't pray if you're starving to death, or if an ash storm rips your hands off, unless you pray only verbally, and even then you can't even do that, because the storm is so loud that even the Gods can't hear you! Also, he assaulted Sofia, which is awful, because she's such a nice lady! With him whispering in Domhnall's ear, they both are going to get even crazier than ever before!
I feel sorry for Alejandro because his beau is a crazy dumbass! A crazass! I've only dated dumbasses... I mean, I've dated smart guys, too, but I haven't dated crazy dumbasses, only regular dumbasses, which are slightly less dangerous than their crazed variant! Dating a dumbass is so stressful, because you can't talk about anything intellectual with them, such as the theory of the language of flowers, alchemical perfumery, or which knitting pattern has the most pleasing aesthetical qualities!
Some slavers were trying to purchase or kidnap the refugees... All of the slavers were killed! Good! All slavers deserve to die! In the most painful fashion possible! Their horses didn't deserve to die, though... Oh well. I heard that the remains were fried and they made tasty horse kebab out of them for the refugees! That's good. What isn't good is that Tonka kept scratching at the door, because she wanted some too! Now my door looks horrible! Which it already did, because the Banda installed some cheap doors... It looks more horrible! Well, I suppose it looks lived in, at least... A little too much cleanliness and you look like an utter lunatic!
A clean freak, really, which is a different kind of lunacy than the one exhibited by Radish and Domhnall! Both of whom are dirty boys! For Domhnall, this is a multifaceted quality, because not only does he have dirt on his toga, he also has dirt in his mouth!
Because he's a dirt addict!
Nisah 27th, IY 7788
There's a new poet in town... The Poet of Trash! Well, that's the name I gave them, anyhow... They write about trash and such. It's grand! I mean, I'd prefer poems about flowers, but at least their work is... raw? Yeah! It's not pretentious in the least! It takes a fortright mind to write about trash so earnestly! I wish I could write poems, but I'm just awful at it...
Xon was a child for about five minutes... Then he grew up! That was fast! Lots of people wish that they could return to their childhood, so he's living the dream... The dream of some, not mine, though! My childhood was awful! What little I remember, anyhow... Considering that I remember absolutely nothing about my parents, I'm pretty sure I was always an orphan, before I was auctioned off...
And I wish I didn't have to think about that, but Ariel is a slaver! She's absolutely awful, and I hope that she steps on a rusty nail, and dies slowly, bedridden by lockjaw! That's more of a battle than selling brews in the Souk is! Slavers deserve no sympathy whatsoever! What is wrong with her?! Someone told me that she's mean and bitter, because she lost the election, so she wants everyone else to be miserable too! That's so immature! Then again, I have no idea how old she is, because I don't pay any attention whatsoever to women's ages!
What else... Oh, a giant tree appeared, out of nowhere! It's smack dab in the middle of the road out the Gate of Roses! Selsi told me and others to stay away from there... And I'm going to! I was hoping for it to be a miracle, and that nature was finally starting to recover, but no such luck... Even if it had been just one tree, I could've gotten my treehouse, finally! Then I could've had a bellows head installed in there, and I could've reported about all of the dangers on the road, and made everyone safe!
I'm so close to a breakthrough in my knitting, sewing and weaving! I just know it! When it all comes together... It'll be glorious!
Nisah 28th, IY 7788
Caster was really sick! He kept coughing and making strange sounds! So, Eclair brought him some buckets of water to keep him hydrated... She formed a hex-a-gone out of them! I'm not sure if it helped much, because Caster's illness didn't seem to go away, so it probably wasn't due to a hex... Caster seems to be sick very often! He should exercise more, and have a better diet!
Speaking of diets... Richo's dog has a terrible one! Massoud eats eggs, horsemeat, sausages, falafels... Now he's a really chunky pupper! He farts so much, and the stench is so foul, that it's being studied by the Astronomers as a potential siege weapon! He should eat proper dog food, like... I don't know, chicken or turkey. That's what Tonka eats. She's a cat, sure, but I'm pretty sure cats and dogs pretty much eat the same stuff. Tonka's been trying to get her paws on some of that horsemeat, but hasn't been able to... I don't want my home to be filled with smelly gasses, so I'm glad!
The Ephian Games were so grand... Well, there was an ash storm, which kind of made the last match hard to watch, and when I write "kind of", I mean "extremely"! After the games, Ariel tried to punch me, because she couldn't handle the truth that everyone hates her for being a disgusting slaver and that nobody wants to listen to her awful shrieking! She couldn't land a single punch on me, because she's slow as a slug! Instead, she punched Zain and Miranda... For some reason. She's unstable! If she punches Zain again, I'm going to hire Mirielle to punch her!
Off a balcony!
With a bolt from her arbalest!
Anyhow... After that, I went on an archaeological journey with Alejandro, Akna, Azaghal and Elyse! We didn't make any big finds... But we did find yet another mention of the Festival of Flowers! I wish we had a Flower Festival... But then again, it'd just be my flowers, probably. Which someone would attempt to steal, or burn, because people here are insane and mean! Also... I wish I'd get to go on more archaeological treks! It had been ages since my last! I love hearing about history... when it's about flowers, or beautiful love between beautiful men!
Nisah 29th, IY 7788
After a raid on the orcs, I had a flash of inspiration... The wild attire of the bloodsingers was simple, yet daring! So stirring! Everything that I had been studying about knitting, sewing and weaving came together in one artful frenzy! And so, I was able to finish my graduation project... a most fashionable sock! I am now a licensed tailor! Thank you, Mr. Navid Farahmand, and the Dapper Lad Vocational College! And the orcs... I guess...?
One of the letters had a short introduction to aspectral energies, too! With that, and Zain's wondrous thesis at hand, I think that I know how to... operate... prisms, now! I'm going to stand in for Zain whenever he's busy, since he's the expert, and give him all the aspectral dust that I get! I'm just going to do things a little differently than him, though. With a little more flair and razzle-dazzle! Razzle-dazzle is an old people... word... but Azaghal says it a lot and he knows magic, so maybe the trick to magic is saying a lot of old people words?
I'm still not going to talk about the archwizard's eyebrows, though! That's Azaghal's thing!
Anyhow... Caster told me about witches... They're very picky about their cats, so if you don't have a black cat, you're ostracized! I love all cats, so I'd make for a terrible witch... Well, I also don't know magic, so there's that, too. Witches seem to have a lot of rules... which is weird, since they sort of just live in caves, or in houses that have bird legs, and spend all their time brewing strange newt-based concoctions that might cure your throat infection, or just turn you into a toad... If you have that kind of lifestyle, then why are you overcomplicating it with extraneous rules...?
Why is it "ostracized", anyhow...? Maybe in ancient times, they used to make exiles ride an ostrich out of town... Yeah, that makes perfect sense! Ostriches are so ornery that it's the perfect punishment!
A man forgot his name, or something like that, and only remembers that his father's name was Ismet! I think he should call himself Kismet ibn Ismet, because that's a cute, rhyming name, and it's good luck, too! He seemed a bit odd, but so's about half of the populace... I hope that I never forget my name, because I like being Bashir! I wouldn't want to be called Colton or Cuthbert or... Caomh? Yeah, I don't want to be called Caomh! What a terrible name! People from colder regions seem to have a lot of those!
Why do I have this list of names, anyhow...?
Nisah 30th, IY 7788
Yesterday I moved to the Plaza... The property is way too big for me, but I don't want to be kidnapped by the crazy brookers that the Banda is now admitting as members! It feels really weird to have an actual apartment of my own after all these years... I don't know what to do with all the space! Also, I'll probably run out of money in a few weeks... or a month or two... but it's still better than being kidnapped...
And I just know that Domhnall will think that he's being clever, and try to "force" me to take refugees in my new home... Well, the joke's on him! I wouldn't mind some roommates! As long as they're nice... And in the end, these apartments are too big for one person. I think four or five people could live in my home, but no more than that... Also, the bedroom is really small, and beds are really expensive! At least I had plenty of bedlinens already, so... some money saved... in an admittedly tenuous fashion.
That guy who forgot his name, or had it stolen...? He has glowing tattoos! I think they might be magickal glyphs or sigils, or whatever, but I'm no expert. Now, if I was getting tattoos... well, I'd just get one, to begin with. It'd either be a bumblebee, a hummingbird, an unicorn... No! I've got it! I'd get a cute little tressym! Yeah! That'd be so adorable and precious!
Xon loaned a book to the fish people, and they still haven't returned it. Loaning books is already a risk most of the time, but loaning them to other dimensions is even more so! I wonder if they read my books in other dimensions...? Do I get dividends for that? I better. Being a home owner is really expensive!
I went to the Kha'esh auction, too... I just wanted a magickal tea kettle that produces infinite amounts of tasty tea, but they didn't even have a regular one for sale... What a disappointment! Instead, they mostly had some junk that they had stolen from Don Souk. Which is troubling, but what are you going to do...? Report them to the Auctioneer Council of Ethics...? I was thinking of doing that, but that's too much work. Anyhow, Camisares sold a bunch of body parts, including his eye and leg, all to buy a shitty sword and a strange potion...
That strange potion made him into a plant man! A leshy...? It's so weird! Now he's going to have to eat dirt and clay, and I do mean actual dirt, I don't know nor care about his addictions... Also, he's probably going to sleep in a bed of mulch, now, or in a planter full of soil. And he's probably highly flammable so he probably shouldn't be the guy they send to disperse any Lily mobs...
Also, Castella threw his cigarette right in my face! What a clumsy oaf! He ruined my makeup! Thankfully he didn't ruin my beautiful face, because it landed sideways and not butt first... If it had done that, I'd have taken him to court! After abolishing Legatine immunity! Which would've been really hard!
Nisah 31st, IY 7788
I've been laying in bed, going through old letters, old gifts, old memories in general. Tonka keeps nudging at my side, staring directly into my eyes. She knows that I'm not well. Cats and dogs are like that. They know when you're miserable.
And I am. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had here. Might be the worst. I don't really know. I wanted to help Zain, but I couldn't really do anything, except for happening to run into Alejandro, who did far more than I could ever hope to accomplish. He's a good friend. I feel guilty for yelling at Sofia, but if I had lost Zain, I wouldn't have known what to do. It's all awful.
And the Banda's got their eyes on me, especially their unhinged Reclutas. I don't know why. Maybe they got mad that I didn't sign a contract, but maybe don't approach someone about matters like that when they're going to sleep...? Or maybe it's just because I happen to exist. Enough of an excuse for some of the sociopaths that live here.
I'm probably never going to the Krak, ever again. They'll laugh about it, act as if being turned into a chicken is a just harmless joke. It'd be simply embarassing if it weren't for the fact that you just hired an insane cannibal, who keeps staring at me as if I'm her next meal. So, yeah. If you have less paying customers, you can just blame yourself.
I wrote my will. Probably's full of loopholes. Probably will go completely ignored. Still worth a try. Wrote a couple of letters, too. Most of them to friends. Some to people that I don't really like anymore.
I'd leave town, but there's nowhere to go. Something that I've stated to myself endlessly. Pirouz seems to have some problems with his family, so going steady with him wouldn't really open any paths to Baz'eel... Not to mention that it would just amount to using him. I don't want to do that, to anyone. Least of all someone I actually like.
Today's Alkab, and I kind of feel like losing the delegation after the negotiations, and staying. But I don't even know what Alkab is like. It might be much worse. I might end up being killed by the Banda, if they come along. I hope that the funeral will have plenty of flowers. I hope that there will be a funeral.
I've tried everything. If I focus on my work, and stay to the background, I get assaulted. If I try to be assertive and hold my ground, I get assaulted. It's all useless. This place is awful. I wish I could've woken up anywhere else. Reincarnated as a spring elf, just living in a sylvan glade protected by a giant bubble of water. It probably isn't actually that great there, either, but it'd still be better than this hellhole.
I wonder how it'll happen? Will they come to my home and drag me out like they did with Mari, or will they just stab me, or will it just be a lone actor? It's awful to think about such things, but it's all I can think of.
At least I had some moments of genuine joy, for once in my life. Mari, Zain, Narwen, Alejandro, Richo, Xon, Akna, Anais, Meadow, Aaisha, Marcellus... I hope that they know how much I enjoyed my time with them.
I wish I could do something, but after... emancipation... my life has just consisted of wandering, and waiting for things to happen.
This time I'm just waiting for the coup de grâce.
Iyar 1st, IY 7788
The journey to Alkab was eventful, as always. We opted to take a ship, though I really wish that we had taken the ash-sail, even if it had been far more expensive... I just like flights, is all. The guards at the lockhouse called me "Big Bashir"! I'm not too sure if they were mocking me, or not... You never know with tall folk.
Our captain was a fellow by the name of Abdul... He lost his boyfriend, Daniel, to the sea... Why must so many romantic tales carry such sorrow with them...? Now, he seemed like he knew what he was doing, but he did say something which I highly doubt... Apparently glimmer pearls are a myth? How is that possible? They must exist! Hogwash!
During the voyage, we were attacked by some sharkmen. I've seen the fishmen of Banafsi, and they're decent enough, all things considered... These guys, though, were absolutely horrible! Such hideous creatures! Thankfully I wasn't hurt during the scuffle... I've been getting pretty good at dodging, and I'm a pretty good shot with a sling, these days. And I still remember Snorri's Rules of Brews! I think. I might've forgotten some.
As we neared the city, we could hear hymns in the distance... It sounded like Amélie! And then the obvious was made apparent to me... They worship Kula! And I mean... what else would an agricultural nation be doing...? They're really, really, really religious.
We arrived, and the city was quite a bit smaller than I had thought... Absolutely surrounded by fields of crops, though. Endless fields! Maize, wheat and mizzar seemed to be the main assortment. I didn't know mizzar grew so tall! I really wish I could've gotten some maize, fried in salted butter... Now that's tasty! But once we made our way to the port, we found out that most places were closed, because apparently they do that during the passing of the month. I'm glad we don't do that. The few merchants that there were wouldn't sell me anything... Well, there was this one guy, but he was selling produce in such massive amounts that I couldn't eat that much in my entire lifetime...
Also, the Alkabi love clay. Which makes sense, their fields are probably full of the stuff! They write everything on clay tablets, they build their homes out of it, they decorate the indoors with it... I don't really get the clay tablet thing, seems unwieldy. But I guess if you have more clay than paper, then... it just makes sense to do that.
Now, the meeting with the representative of Alkab went the usual way... Nobody knows where the fuck Ephia's Well is, or that it even exists, so we had to wait a lot. Makes sense, I suppose, considering that we're basically a tiny hick town in the middle of nowhere. Then again, I do occasionally wonder if they're just playing it up to mock us, or something... The Port Authority's building was in absolutely terrible condition! The door had a giant hole around it! The supporting pillars had shattered! The indoors, at least, were properly taken care of...
They sent us off to a pub to pass the time. This turned out to be an attempt to get at least some of us killed, because it was an Orentid pub. Just Orentid, nobody else. The hatred in their eyes was obvious. I do feel sorry for them, but it's like... what are they going to do with my pity? Nothing whatsoever... I couldn't get a drink of shiraz. I wish I had gotten even just that!
Amidst this tension, who walks into the pub...? The treacherous jockey! Didn't bring his horse to the pub, thankfully, but he was still up on his high horse... I was so surprised by seeing him that I nearly choked! My heart jumped to my throat! He was with the guy we were supposed to meet, Numap... And they were just talking casually, as if it wasn't anything special... Apparently even the Sibilant Empire gets crops from Alkab...?
And it was at this point that we really, really, really should've realized that these people feed everyone on the Disc. Every single person. That's their sacred duty, as Kulamet... but we realized that far too late.
So, we go to negotiate with Numap, and it doesn't go well. They really, really, really don't like it when you talk about crop shipments to other places... So, he got real mad. And the... massive... person... behind him... both literally and figuratively behind him, all that time... was mad, too. Perhaps a little less mad than Numap, but still... Called us sinners. And I mean, yeah, that glove fits. Me at least.
So, the negotiations didn't go that well, but it wasn't an absolute disaster. I think it's the same problem as with previous occasions... We go in blindly. And I am to blame, and it feels awful. I do not carry the whole of the blame, of course, but I still feel like shit. If I had found even one book, or had been able to talk to even one Alkabi immigrant, I could've perhaps formed some understanding of their culture and traditions... But nope. Nothing.
These matters of trade really make me feel useless... It's awful. And the guilt that I feel from following my orders, it tears at my heart, but I do it anyway, because trashy novelettes don't pay the bills as well as I'd hope... Yet I still felt better than I did the day before... I kind of just wander from one emotional state to another, I suppose. More so than most.
Anyhow... Where's Pthsteka? What's the deal with that place? Is it a hot, temperate or cold place? What kind of people live there? What is their cuisine like? Do they read my books there? Are the guys there cute? What sorts of fabrics do they favor? I think I want to go there, next. Not to feel useless. Just to see the place. The useless feeling can come later.
Iyar 2nd, IY 7788
Richo told me the tale of the Seven-Storied Tortoise! The tortoise was a huge... well, tortoise, and it was the source to all the water on the Disc! Some awful sibilants wanted to steal it... There was a lot of sweating, and drooling, and a bunch of stupid sibilants, and drunken goblins! So, it was kind of a gross story, but it was still really entertaining! Richo really has a talent for the tale, and I think someone should collect all of his tales in a book! Then again, I'm not sure if Richo wants to be a hakawati, so maybe he wouldn't like that...?
Aurelio and Vico were fighting... The Grandmaster came and calmed them down? I saw only the last moments, because I was too scared to go into the Krak, but Khalid came along and offered to keep me safe... So I was able to see some parts of the strange affair! The Grandmaster made Aurelio a Lyrist! I hope Aurelio doesn't make any brash decisions while drunk off his ass... But I guess he's the best suitable for the position...? I think this was the second time I see the Grandmaster... or maybe the third... She kind of just mopes inside the College.
Also, Roderick got really mad at this, so he abandoned his cape, and I think he might have left the Well...? That's sad! I liked drinking with him!
The first guests to my new home were Akna and Richo! I was glad to have them, even though I really need more furniture, and I need to get some strapping lad to help with the couch that I managed to get stuck... I'm not strong enough for that, despite exercising each and every day! Anyhow, we had a long and deeply pleasant conversation! It was a nice change from all the bullshit that's been hounding me lately...
Akna seemed a little down, though. I want to cheer her up! Maybe I can knit something for her, even if that doesn't really solve her problem...? I just have to figure out what! Everyone needs socks... I guess I could make her a few pairs for cold nights! I do want to start making scarves, too, but I need a little more practise, I think. Though she would look absolutely darling in an aquamarine scarf, made out of the finest shahtoosh... I'll have to sketch that a few times!
As for Richo, he still thinks that anything that comes from an egg doesn't have a soul... And he also thinks that turtles and tortoises come from stones! No, they don't! If they did, I'd be going through each and every stone to see the tortoise babies... In reality, turtles and tortoises lay eggs, and they hide them in holes in the ground! Now, you can't really see this, because they're so good at hiding stuff, to such an extent that they can make it look like as if the ground was completely undisturbed... I think turtles would make for good pirates.
Iyar 3rd, IY 7788
A lot of tall folk have strange thoughts about pipeweed being bad for you... Yet no matter how much I point out that it's actually healthy, and that this fact has been proved by countless aeons of halfling academia, they still don't believe it! Let me take a look at some of these claims... Smoking pipeweed stains your teeth...? My teeth are perfectly white, they glimmer like pearls! Pipeweed makes your voice gravelly...? My voice is most melodious, and quite high-pitched... I wish I had a baritone, but no such luck! It's bad for your lungs...? That's just them getting used to the heat! It's like chili peppers... The more you eat, the higher the tolerance!
Maybe halflings are just built different... Tall folk must be allergic to pipeweed! That's so sad! I feel so bad for them!
What is the Red League? There's some vague propaganda posters about it around town, but I don't have a list of their members, nor do I know their tenets, or where their office is... Must be the latest fad. Maybe it's some art collective that satirizes the Leagues! That'd be so grand... which means that there's no way that is what it is. If it's the Rose starting a League of their own, they should've just called it the Rose League...
I bought a writing desk and chair... They were so expensive! At least I already had some pillows for the chair... I don't get people who don't put pillows down on their chair! Why'd you want to sit on something so hard and rigid...? I don't like sitting in general, but if I have to, then I'm going to make it as comfortable as possible! But... I'm not writing this at the desk... I'm laying on my bed. At least Inky stopped complaining about it, and Tonka likes hiding underneath... At least they are getting some use out of it, so far?
A NEW HOME. THE NUISANCE SLEEPS BELOW, HER RUMBLING NOW TOLERABLE. A VANTAGE POINT, FROM WHICH REMARKABLE SIGHTS CAN BE ABSORBED INTO MY BEING.
I suppose it's basically a tower for you... Wait, why are you here?
MY READING PILE WAS MISLAID ATOP THE BEAN CITADEL, INSTEAD OF MY STATELY HOME. PLEASE SHIFT ITS PHYSICAL POSITION. THE JOURNEY TO YOUR CASTLE OF LINEN DEMANDED PLENTIFUL HOURS.
Please don't call the coffee table that!
Iyar 4th, IY 7788
We have a new Junior Scribe, "Kroggnought"... I don't know if that's a fake name or not, some of these folk from colder regions have weird names... I am not sure at all who hired him, or what he even does, since he refuses to work with paper, but someone must've seen some potential in him? He does seem like a nice guy, though... I'm not certain where to point him to, since most Scribal work involves paper, and it didn't seem like he wants to work for the Office of Minor Nuisances... Certainly someone will have an idea what to do with a big, muscular man like him? Maybe he can deliver some really big packages!
Yesterday was otherwise rather uneventful... Everyone I know is at the Krak, most of the time, and since I can't go there, I just walk around town, looking for clients and doing some light shopping... Signing a contract with the Banda seems like giving up, and it isn't like I can even afford one.
Which is a huge problem, since to be truly left alone, I'd need to sign two contracts, and those carry a price that's far more than my monthly income... So, yeah. I'll be stuck drinking at the Ambassador's Rest for a long while. Which isn't too bad, but not much happens there... It's mostly some political drama that I don't really understand...? Also, that Banafsian diplomat is still lurking around there. I think most people don't know that she works for an Embassy that left months ago, but I do! I mean, I do understand why she doesn't want to go back home...
I did win 80 dinar from Royal Dragon... Even if I won that much each and every day, I still wouldn't be in the clear.
Richo has a spider buddy called Hashima? He sure befriends a lot of animals... I wish I could do that! But I think I would end up with such a galimafrée that it'd get really difficult to feed them all, or to just show them how much I love them! Oh, yeah... I meant I'd have a hodgepodge of different animals, not that I'd eat them for stew... Wait, is hodgepodge a stew, too...? It kind of sounds like one... Okay, I mean that I would have a menagerie of animals, and not one of those menageries where they have no space to live and it's really horrible and they really would be better off in the wild and... yeah, I'm just going to give up on this!
Also, Maddicus is obviously not seeing his physician, or taking his medication... He's completely unhinged! I mean, I knew that already, but it's getting really bad... I think someone should take a look in his basement...? If he even has one... I'm pretty sure he lives somewhere, but it might just be a ditch at this point...? I'm going to start triple checking that I locked the door, and ask my neighbor to make sure that nobody can get in the attic! And if he starts talking about traveling back in time to stop what he sees as the original sin, I'm just going to nod along and think about something else!
Iyar 5th, IY 7788
What an Assembly... I don't know why some people seemingly come in just to insult the Scribes? Like, that's all they do. I don't even know most of them. I don't think I've even talked to them, ever. That's your idea of a weekend? Like, you can't just get drunk and dabke like everyone else...? Couldn't get a date...?
Domhnall had another episode... It's hard to feel sorry for him after he insults everyone and tells them to kill themselves, though. I do feel sorry for Alejandro... The Glop must've strangled Domhnall's brain, or something. I don't know how brains work, but having some strange entity showing you visions can't be good for them! Some people say that the Glop is dead, but I'm not so sure... Maybe it's the dirt keeping it alive?
After that, I announced that the election would begin... It was like setting fire to a powderkeg! Every nutter in the Well came out to do crazy hijinks, all at once! And the platforms... Most of them are horrid! I don't even know what Khalid's is, but that just makes his better than... 99% of the others...? I don't know how maths work, either. People do know that Qa'im is like, a thousand times bigger than us...? Probably even more than that! Again, maths! Hard!
All the while that was going on, I was trying to make sure that Amelia gets proper wages for her work... I managed to do so! Hooray! Also, Aaisha was sick... She's better now! Hooray!
Radislav's trial was as weird as the man himself... I don't know why they didn't just go for assault and unlawful resistance charges? I don't know how the law works, either, though. You don't need to, as the court reporter! Which is grand, because I'm the court reporter! Well, one of them. I should have lunch with the others, sometime. Then we can report on something far more interesting... Food!
Anyhow... I also showed Kroggnought some suitable duties. Didn't really go for the papers that shan't be named, but he's eager to carry heavy stuffs and things. So, he's doing that now! I hope that nobody pesters him while he's making water deliveries... But then again, he's such a big guy, so you'd have to be a complete and utter dunce to mess with him!
Iyar 6th, IY 7788
I bought a stool for Tonka, so that she can sit at the dinner table, too! It was only fifty dinar, but it weighs a ton! It's a tiny thing, too... They must've used some really special wood for it, or maybe they reinforced it with steel...? It's so weird! Anyhow, Pirouz came over and he just lavished praise upon me and my decor... I was so happy that I almost cried! He also brought me some yarn as a housewarming gift! He's such a sweetheart!
I like Nadiri Naughty's new painting... It has a flower in it! A nightshade! I've tried my hand at painting, but I can't really figure it out... I'm more of a sketcher, really. Anyhow, the painting is really, really, really pretty, and I wish that more people would paint flowers, instead of half-naked hussies! Flowers have an universal appeal, and they are well-liked by anyone with a soul!
Richo's giving cooking lessons, now... His recipes are kind of weird, though. Mostly, they involves worms. I mean, we have an abundance of those, so I guess figuring out how to make them taste actually good is in high demand? I hope he gets plenty of students! Kroggnought was his first, and he learned how to make syrup out of worms... That's so weird. I'd try my hand at it, too, but the thought of eating worms just kind of disgusts me on an inherent level, so... I wouldn't mind snakes or scorpions, though. I do vaguely remember eating a lot of those as a kid? Fried, of course, I'm not eating garbage like that raw!
I was just going to the Hall of Jurisprudence to eat my salad in peace, but there was a trial going on? A pipe trial? Vico stole a pipe from Azaghal? I mean, if you want to steal something that makes you look really, really, really old, that's your business... Maybe not beat someone up over a fucking pipe, though? I don't know what's going on at the Banda's fortress, but they're kind of loony, lately...? Cannibals, pipe theft, turning me into a chicken... Who'd hire a mercenary like that? People are going to start taking the Wet Boys more seriously than them, soon! And they're literally called the "WET BOYS"!
I wonder if I could hire a Wet Boy to guard my home...? Probably too expensive, and I'm not sure if the "wet" part comes from wetwork, or if they're a gang of hydromancers...? Latter option would make a mess of my linens if someone decides to burglarize my home...
Iyar 7th, IY 7788
Someone got the Office of Announcements' drapes stuck in a big ol' tangle! For a while, nobody could enter or leave... I had to utilize my freshly acquired expertise as a tailor to untangle them! They were jumbled up like a pretzel... I wish I had a pretzel, or two... They make me so thirsty, though, so I always have a tall glass of water, and some dip, ready!
Castella replaced my favorite guard with a Ballatrickle... I don't know how to spell, or pronounce that! She's really rude... I can't really tell people how to contact the Legate with her yelling them to sod off! She told me to sod off, too... I have to walk by her multiple times, every day, now! It's awful! The guy who was there usually helped me with statistics, because he was good with numbers... I hope that Martin's accidents tire her out and she leaves and never comes back!
Nadiri Naughty assaulted Narwen and sealed her in an iron cage! He's crazy! I thought that he just paints pretty pictures, but apparently he's another weirdo! Why would he do that...? I mean, besides being a crazy weirdo! Now I look at his paintings entirely differently! They're painted by a creep!
I was on my way home, and there was a creepy gnome illusion in the Plaza...? There was a lot of illusionary blood... It was so gross! I think it was somebody playing a prank on Mevura? He doesn't like gnomes very much, so I guess gnome blood is grosser to him than other blood, because he's bigoted! I don't like such macabre pranks! Pranks should make everyone involved laugh!
And then, after that, when I got into bed, the Plaza started shaking and wobbling, for some reason, and I couldn't sleep, and neither could Tonka, she ran into the bedroom and hid under the sheets, she was shivering and breathing really heavily! Even Inky was scared, and they came to the bedroom to hide, too, admittedly after a long delay!
I WAS NOT "SCARED". I AM INCAPABLE OF APPERCEIVING FEAR.
Then why'd you come into the bedroom...?
THERE WAS A PARTICULARLY INTRIGUING TOME OF KNOWLEDGE TO BE ABSORBED.
That's not a tome! That's just a reminder! It just says "remember to buy chicken liver for Tonka", and nothing else!
YES. IT WAS MOST INTRIGUING.
Iyar 8th, IY 7788
Around the office, everyone's worried about this new guard business, even Adira, and we don't talk that much, usually. Passing by that Ballatrickle is awful, she always yells something horrible... The most desperate whispers? They say not to go to the Assembly... Called too suddenly, too soon... Would they do something like this, there, too? I don't know about that, but what I do know is that I can always focus on my own office. Handling birthdays is not too exciting, but rather those than that...
Also... More than two weeks have passed, which means that
Try writing these a little beforehand for a change and it turns out to be completely useless... A bunch of people came to the Pyramid! So many Janissaries, so many members of the Lilies... It was such a strange mix of people that I was just puzzled by what was going on...? Then it was all revealed... The League of White was kicking Castella off the seat, replacing him with Akna, and the Fourth was going to prosecute him for High Treason!
It was really serious, too! News came that they were bringing in a judge all the way from Baz'eel... For safety's sake, all the witnesses to Castella's horrible scheme were brought over to the garrison, where we stayed for quite a while... It was so scary! I thought that the Rose was going to break the door and come downstairs! Thankfully, they didn't... A lot of people would've died, probably me too, these people were so angry that it didn't seem to matter who gets hurt... At one point, Radish made a mess, and assaulted them, and the situation almost exploded! But the Lieutenant threw him in a cell to cool down... Which I'm pretty sure Radish is incapable of doing, at this point, but at least he was in a cell!
Once the accounts of the witnesses were all written down, we could finally get out of there... The streets were full of members of the First Legion! Castella really fucked up, bad! As for the trial... Well, they sent an Inquisitor to take care of the mess. I don't know why some people try to lie to these Inquisitors, they see through everything... I think Vico was drunk during the trial? He kept jouncing around like a drunkard, anyhow, made threats to the witnesses in a way that was obvious to everyone... What a creep! He got beaten up by the Legionnaires, including one of the First! I kind of wish they had walloped him through the floor or something...
Castella was found guilty... But he didn't even pay for his crimes, because he was an utter coward and a liar! He ingested some poison and killed himself! COWARD! All those lies he said about Akna... I hope he's rotting in one of the hells, if they even exist anymore! How many people would've died if his plan had gone through successfully...?
It isn't all bad news, though... Princess Hasheema lowered our Water tithe! About 75 more barrels to use as we wish... Of course, because the Banda is utterly insane, they'll ask for at least fifty of those for themselves. We could negotiate far better trade agreements, and make massive strides towards housing and feeding more people through this, but I just know that won't happen, because some people just feed their greed and nothing else...
Iyar 9th, IY 7788
Caster lost his purse! Well, he didn't lose it, exactly, but he was trying to bribe the Janissary by Akna's office, for some reason, and he left it on the floor next to him, for some reason, but the guard didn't pick it up, again, for some reason... I mean, he's Caster! He could just say... "Hi, it's me, Caster Cro," and get let in immediately! Maybe his moody blues are lowering his self-esteem enough that he can't see that...? Some devious mountebank might've ran off with the money, but thankfully Zol Nur was there to give it to me! Anyhow, I returned the purse, so there was a happy ending.
Domhnall is really, really, really screwed up... He showed up for the signing of the renegotiated Water Tithe, and for a moment, it seemed like he was not going to do it! He yammered on about how people deserve to die, how death is a sweet release, and all kind of depressing bullshit like that! Thankfully, in the end, he signed it... He sounds more like a depressed kid than a revolutionary, so I don't think his retirement is going to go very well... I'm not sure if he was joking about going to Qadira. He jokes about serious stuff a lot...?
Anyhow... All he's going to find in Qadira is pirates, so I'm not sure why's he planning to retire there, of all places, if he is genuinely doing that, again, it's really hard to know, because the man is a whimsical wreck? Maybe he can become a swabbie, or a cabin boy, and get a suitably stupid pirate name... Like Doubloon Domhnall. Or something disgusting, like Gallstone Guivarch?
Or maybe just something really blunt and overly long, like... Dismal Domhnall, the Not-So-Gay Cabin Boy.
I tried my best to cheer up Alejandro, but I'm not sure if I managed to do anything... I just hope that he can move on from all this, as difficult as that might be. And I hope that he falls in love with someone that actually cares about him, which... well, it's somewhat unlikely, because he seems to have a type, and that type is dumbasses who hurt him? And I mean, I get that, I was into guys like that when I was younger, but... I managed to gain a modicum of self-respect, and stopped hurting myself like that. Maybe the stars will align, and he'll meet some guy that he can shower in poems and roses... And that will hurt him just enough to entice!
As for more positive news... I'm going to knit some socks for the Rose orphans! Narwen asked me not to make them too fancy, which is a bit of a challenge, but I think I can manage it...? I just need to hand them to her while she's out and about town, because I can't go to the Krak... The Banda would probably steal the socks, and then complain that they're too small, unless some of the Banda have comically tiny feet, unless they also hire kids now, which is an actual possibility and someone should probably look into that because that's really fucked up.
Iyar 10th, IY 7788
They finally banned me from the Krak! Which... changed nothing, because I wasn't going there, anyhow...? I mean, why would I go somewhere where I get threatened and assaulted...? The reason for the ban was that I tried to charge a Recluta an extra fee for a license... I told the Banda to see another Scribe, and they still came to me! I was just trying to get some recompense for the humiliation, the threats, and further abuse that I received from them... I was going to give the money to charity, because the Banda aren't going to do that! I thought that I could just ignore the ban, but then Aludra started protesting it! She refused to handle any bellows for as long as I was banned! I owe her lunch!
Vico invited me to the Fortress, and told me to bring Tonka along... I thought he was going to kill her! I was so scared, and I cried a lot, and my makeup was ruined, so I went without kohl for the rest of the day... I felt like hiding her somewhere, and hiding elsewhere, myself, so at least one of us would be safe... But in the end, Vico came over to me in the Plaza, and we talked at Elossi's, instead? The only reason I managed to go, or say anything at all, was because Alejandro came along, too... He's a real hero!
It was a really weird affair, because Vico brought over that new Recluta too, and made him get undressed, until he had just his undies on and nothing else...? Usually when a guy undresses in my company, it's because I want it to happen! Also, Vico ate an ear! It was so weird and gross! That was the weirdest conversation I've ever had with anyone, ever!
At the end of the talks, they rescinded the ban, and paid double for the license, and I'm now selling licenses to them, again... I gave all the extra money to Narwen, for the District Fund! It's not really a happy ending, though... I'm still so scared! I never even considered that someone would want to hurt Tonka, so I'm going to take some precautionary measures, especially against the worst kind of crazy people!A tiny sheet of paper, adhered against the journal's pages
Tonka Rajiya-Minoo Khatara
After all this, Richo and I got down to the kitchen at the taverna, and started cooking... He made some weedbread. The aroma was so enticing! I tried to make weedcheese, but wasn't that successful... I mostly just managed to make grease and soup starter. It was really weird! Then, when we were trying some wilder recipes... My shoes exploded! Some devious madman had done something to Zain's inventions, or his prism crafts, and since Zain designed my absolutely darling shoes and obviously treated their aspectral energies, as well... Well, it wasn't pretty, I had to douse myself with water! Thankfully, I wasn't hurt too bad, and the shoes were mostly fine, too, even though I had to spend all night scrubbing ash off them...
Yesterday was just weird!
Iyar 11th, IY 7788
Someone hanged a necromancer from the Office of Gold's balcony! I don't like necromancers, but I don't think they should be hanged in public for everyone to see... Do that somewhere private!
After my daily Efuddy, I had a chat with Zol Nur, about the end of the world... It was pretty sad, though there was still some hopefulness present. I don't care how bad things get! You should never lose hope! Depressing dopes like Domhnall just whine and mope and don't get anything done! You either keep swimming or drown in the sorrow!
The Ephian Games were pretty short, this time around. Nasreen made the squared circle far smaller than before, so that gave an advantage to massive magicks! The winners were Meadow and Cawford... and oh, Miranda, too, of course! In the second round, there was such an enormous blast of magickal energy that it cleared the other teams for the most part... I wish I was able to call storms... I felt like cheering for Meadow, Miranda and Cawford, all the time, but I think I'm supposed to be cheering for the Violet Jerboas... If Cawford's name was Mawford, they could be the "Three M's"! Which isn't really a thing, but... Mawford is kind of funny because he eats a lot.
There's a new detective in down... Inspector Aloisus! He seems like a nice guy... He asked if there were any mysteries about town, and all I could think about was Marcellus' gun. I don't know if he can find it, but if he can, then that proves that he's a great detective, because then he's found something that has been lost for months! Anyhow, compared to Daoud, Inspector Aloisus dresses rather plainly, yet he still manages to have a certain flair to him... Daoud's kind of a dry cracker, really. I mean, he's a great detective, sure, but when I imagine what Daoud's home is like, I just see a bunch of gray belongings, because anything with actual color would be too exciting for him.
A chicken from the extradimensional chicken ranch betwixt the stars came to visit! She brought plenty of friends to the Astronomers' laboratories! I was told not to feed her... After I fed her! If you don't want me to feed cute animals, you have to do that really early, because otherwise I'm obviously going to do it! In the end, the other chickens went back home to the ranch, but one chicken was following Athelia around...? I think she made a new friend? I wish I had a chicken friend... I think Tonka would like one, too. Even though she eats chickens. She just eats them after they're dead. Which she isn't going to make them because I think she has the same vow as the ashfolk...?
Al-Marain held a campaign rally at the Soot Lamp... There was free coffee, and tasty muffins. I don't think Manny liked him, or Daoud, or Nasreen, being there very much, for obvious reasons... I do wonder if they're really that oblivious or if they're doing it on purpose...? I think Daoud knew, in the end, since he was kind of just hanging around by the door. Amélie read one of her poems, with Narwen accompanying her on harp... It was beautiful, as always! A rather grand occasion, but I do wish there had actually been punch and pie... And well, for Manny's sake, I wish it had been held somewhere else.
Also, Kroggnought knows nothing about proper muffin etiquette!
Iyar 12th, IY 7788
The Truffle Club held a lecture about... what else...? Truffles! The lecture was held at the Sandstone's club room, which I and Narwen thought to be the sand room. The Truffle Club has only gnomes as members...? I know gnomes are really good at digging tunnels, and finding mushrooms and jewels, but it's still kind of weird... Anyhow, the lecture was really, really, really weird, and it was also disappointing, because there weren't any cute little piggies, or truffle samplers! I don't think I'm going to join the Truffle Club!
There was also a debate, later... It was kind of the usual fare, really. There were two monkeys, though. Narwen said that they were going to explode, and one of the monkeys did light a flare, or something! It was really weird... One monkey climbed atop the Well's well, and the other headed to the Tower. So, no exploding happened, at least not at the debate. Also, some dweeb threatened me, after which he ran away, and returned, disguised as a chamber pot wearing idiot. I mean, in the end, he was a chamber pot wearing idiot, but the disguise was the pot hiding his face...
I knew that Kroggnought's reading and writing skills were pretty bad, but it was only yesterday when I learned the unadulterated truth... He's absolutely terrible at both! Well, he can read far better than he can write... He writes his name as "OX"! People are going to think that a really smart ox has been selling licenses and such! We can't have that! So, in a desperate effort, I tried teaching him all of the letters... That didn't go too well. He did learn some of them, but only some. Then, I showed him how his name is actually written... That made him go absolutely berserk! He couldn't believe the sight! He started punching the election board, and then he declared that he was leaving to the dunes to escape words...
I tried to stop him from doing so, but wasn't able to. I headed to the Krak's bellows to tell him to come back, but then something strange happened... That devious inventor had laid another trap for me! I started fading in and out of visibility, at first. Then, I was set ablaze, though the flames didn't really hurt at all... Then, I turned red! Thankfully, the Astronomers came and took me to the Tower... Kroggnought came back, too, because he was worried! He's such a sweetheart!
Zain got right down to work, and tried to help me... And he managed to do so, but that just transferred the inventor's irritating curse to him! I was really worried, but not to the extent as some others, who seemed to think that Zain was going die...? I mean, the curse was really irritating, but I don't think it could've killed anyone! Unless you're like, really sensitive to flashing lights, I suppose...
Now, turns out that this crazy inventor is some kind of Don Honey, who's hot stuff with all the single ladies. He's like Don Souk, but with hearts! If he's into ladies, I don't know why he wants to steal my heart, or Zain's, maybe he's in an experimental stage of his life, and that's just fine, but maybe don't do that through strange curses...? Also, he seems to think that me and Zain are an item? We aren't, we're just friends, no matter what anyone says, we had a really long conversation about it and Zain doesn't like guys or gals or anything in between or besides the borders he just kind of is Zain and that's just fine he is kind of cute though but I'm completely and utterly fine with being friends and I'm kind of seeing Pirouz now so I don't know where these rumors are coming from?
Anyhow, in the end, the kiss of true love lifted the curse... Zain's plucky hen, Magnifica, pecked him! The bond between a man and his chicken is truly wondrous!
Iyar 13th, IY 7788
I bought an easel! Jance & Son's is selling those now... I brought it home, and immediately started painting what came to mind... So, the first painting will be of Tonka, playing amidst a glade full of flowers! It'll be so grand! Painting makes for a fine hobby, really, I can work through some emotions, and I have a lot of those...
Some Scribe left their uniform at the tailor! I don't know who it was, but they really should take proper care of their uniform... Someone could've absconded with it, and sold fake licenses... Oh, right, I'm not meant to write about those. Let me think... He could've pretended to be a water courier, and stolen a few barrels of the blessed Waters! I know it wasn't Martin... and I just know that whomever it was is going to say it was Martin... Who could it be?
I was sitting in the Plaza, and some hooded guy started dropping barrels next to the Pilgrim, along with a strange contraption attached to a set of scales... It was a bomb! It was that devilish Don Honey, Horatio Servario! The scales had to have an exact amount of water on them, or the bomb would explode! He attempted to force me into doing the mathematics! I don't like doing the mathematics! But, somebody... I think it was Akna... tossed an enchantment of cunning on me, and soon, I was deep into the mathematics... I just didn't know what to do with them, because I'm not familiar. I think I wrote these numbers down while I was under the spell...? I don't know why...?A small sheet of paper
1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987, 1597, 2584, 4181, 6765, 10946, 17711, 28657, 46368, 75025, 121393, 196418, 317811, 514229, 832040
What do maths have to do with love, anyhow...? Oh, wait, he wanted me and Zain to work together as a team, since he's good at maths, and I'm not, and love is all about teamwork, in the end! No wonder he was so peeved that Samton helped, too! These schemes are going to go on until Servario is caught, because Zain is just simply incapable of romantic love... I mean, it'd be nice if he wasn't, but even if Servario managed to somehow change his very nature, then what would we do, since it'd be really awkward to stop being friends at this point...? It's all so confusing!
Anyhow... Evander is crazy! He wanted to talk to me, so, I did, but I suggested that we talk outside in the Plaza, because I don't want to be alone anywhere with him... Talking to him was a complete mistake, but doing so atop the mound of sand near the Pilgrim was the right move! He revealed that he's infatuated with me...? He had this scheme to get close to me by joining the Scribes...? Then he threatened to kill Pirouz when I told him that I'm seeing someone...? It's horrible! Now I'm scared for myself, and Pirouz! I don't want to have a crazy stalker! Especially not two, since I already had one!
Thankfully, Alejandro was sitting nearby, so I asked him for help, which he did, along with Athelia and Eclair! Evander ran off to the Krak, so, the three went there to take care of the mess... Which they managed to do? I'm not sure what happened, but it's supposedly taken care of, now. Why are all of the crazies always interested in me...? I'm just a Scribe... Admittedly a really, really, really beautiful Scribe, but still...
Later that day... Stern had a new card game, and wanted people to try it out at the Tower... So, I went, and played! The cards were Legates, and each Legate had a special ability! My favorite cards were Marcellus and Zaniah, so I just kept using those... You won when nobody else had a Legate left! You could collect taxes, or play your Legate's special ability... You could also bluff that you had a card when you didn't! In the first game, I just collected taxes, and won! I don't like doing bad things, even in games... In the last round of the second game, I was forced to bluff that I was stealing from Nadiri Naughty, but he called my bluff, and I lost! Oh well, it was fun to win at least once!
Maybe I should've just collected taxes, one last time...?
And well, during my time at the Tower, Ariel apparently went insane and killed Archos...? And ran off to Kha'esh? She's dead now! Good riddance! I hope that all slavers die! Poor Archos, though, he seemed nice... Qari's their new candidate...? Okay...?
I guess he really liked sleeping in that particular office...? Is that the reason why he's on the bellows all the time...? Because he can't get any sleep elsewhere...?
Iyar 14th, IY 7788
Narwen's sad, because they autopsied Imizael. Autopsified...? Whatever. They took her brain. Now Narwen's thinking of leaving after Ishla gets better... I hope she doesn't leave! I know that's selfish, but she's one of my best friends, and things around here would get far more boring and unpleasant if she left. I also feel conflicted about this whole thing, because Imizael was an absolutely terrible person. I'm not sure if people don't know that, or if most are just using this situation to their advantage by pretending to care about her.
The whole situation surrounding the autopsy exploded, and Xon nearly got killed, because the Banda kidnapped him to their fortress. A bunch of other Nadiri got hurt, too, but I'm not exactly certain of the details... I think Emmanuel got hurt pretty bad? For a moment, it seemed like the Accord was going to finally come tumbling down under all this excess pressure. It was really scary! I just wish they could work together, just once... But that's not going to happen in any meaningful fashion. Imizael's brain was returned at the very last moment... A few minutes more, and the Well would've been set ablaze, and I would be hiding in Frostport...
Anyhow... Al-Marain gave me some wine, that he made himself. It was made from the holy waters...? It's called a Bashir Burgundy...? I had a taste. It's pretty good! The holy waters give it a peculiar aftertaste, though. Not bad, but it feels kind of... a confusing mix of sacred and profane, to be drinking wine made out of them just for enjoyment?
Richo was chained to a boulder? It was because he can run so fast that he breaks the very fabric of reality? He ran so fast that he visited the interdimensional chicken farm betwixt the stars, and turned into a chicken, momentarily? That's so weird, Richo! I don't really understand any of this. How can running really fast can cause anything like that to happen? When I run really fast, people ask me... "Why are you running, why are you running?" Obviously I'm running because I'm in an awful hurry!
Athelia brought some salmon to Akna as a gift! I got some, too! It was very tasty! Then later, al-Marain bought some tasty pastries! They were very tasty, too! I wish more people would bring food to the offices! I like eating!
We had to get a tribute of twenty thousand dinar to Kha'esh, because the whole Ariel mess had offended them so much... I was assigned to the trek, to represent the Pyramid. What a scary journey... I don't want to go to those ruins ever again! And when we finally arrived to Kha'esh, I was reminded of how frightening those battlemages can be! I wish they could have proper manners, and not rip papers from my hands as if I wasn't even there... I did get a new friend during the trip! Grokky the pack groknak! He's really cute, and he obviously liked me the best, because he kept following me everywhere I went! I want a pet groknak now! I wonder how much they cost...?
Oh, can't forget... Tonka ate my sweet roll! What a scoundrel! She kept farting all day long! It was horrible!
Iyar 15th, IY 7788
Atticus gave me a muffin! It was an eldritch muffin! Which just means that it was a muffin, but eldritch... I don't really know what eldritch means. I think it's some vague notion of otherworldliness. Lots of things come from other worlds! Like chickens, of late... If there's a world of muffins, Samton should probably not hear about it, because that would mean the end of both him and that world!
I got my sticker for voting! It was violet. I like violet, and I like violets. Which is named after which? I wonder the same about oranges, sometimes. I wonder about colors a lot...
Hypatia said that there's a star for every wish. I wish so often, that if that is true, then I've probably created a badjillion gadjillion stars... Do the stars resemble the wish, or are they just kind of random, like aspects...? Aspects and stars are vaguely related, so maybe the latter. I've also wished that I could visit a star a few times, so, I think I've created a few tautological stars... If tautological just means "contextually repetitive"... Which it is what it means to me!
There was some sort of saltman who was causing trouble...? I don't really get it. I'd just throw water at any troublesome saltmen! A dwarf pointed out that the water should be hot, and that is a good point! Now, the existence of saltmen is really troublesome, because now when I'm having breakfast, I'm not sure if my salt is regular salt, or if it was unethically sourced from saltmen! Maybe I can just kind of forget about it. I like forgetting things. Sometimes... I don't like forgetting about my laundry when something distracts me, though, then they get too soaked, and then I have nothing to wear for the nightly dabke!
Also, someone left their boulder at the customs office... If you're strong enough to carry a boulder around, you shouldn't be lazy about it, because if you get too lazy, you'll lose those hard-earned muscles, and then you can't carry any boulders around, and if you get really lazy, you won't even be able to carry a rock around! I don't really get these boulder aficionados, but then again, I carry bijoux with me at all times, so, maybe I shouldn't be judging them for their strange hobbies...
Iyar 16th, IY 7788
What should me and Pirouz have for dinner this weekend...? Pide or lahmacun...? Emmanuel said pide! But I like both so much... So does Pirouz... What a conundrum! We could have both, if it were not for the ongoing feud between the pide and lahmacun vendors! Hiding one in a bag, and buying the second as well is not an option, because everyone can identify both by their delicious aromas, even such bitter enemies... I guess I'll vote for pide. I kind of feel like having something delightfully cheesy...
Someone yelled about seeing the ghost of Domhnall, and soon, he appeared in Akna's office! He wasn't a ghost, though. And he was surprisingly sober! After his last office meeting, he held a speech at the Pyramid's stairs... It was so weird! He announced that he was leaving, and then he got garbed in this really weird outfit, and threw a smoke bomb at himself. Because he threw it at himself, instead of the ground, everyone could see him, he was just smoky... Then he ran away with the help of speed magicks, like usual. I don't know where he went!
Apparently he had been living in a shack out in the dunes for all these weeks...? Just getting high on dirt and reading books...? It's weird. He's weird. This is all so weird... I never got to tell him that Ibn Ghalish voted for Sephidra instead of him! Oh well! I'm sure he'll be... I was going to write happy, but no, he's going to be really, really, really sad, doing dirt, somewhere!
Hazezon's been back in town for a few days, and so, he held his usual race for his vote. I unfortunately missed it, but I do know who won... Who? Richo, of course! The fastest man in the Well, and probably the whole Disc. I can barely keep track of Richo, anymore, that's how fast he moves, so, as long as he's around, he's going to win each and every foot race there is. He might not win an ashsail race, though. I wish we had those!
Some Lily Leaguer was bringing up a bunch of old history on the bellows... She remembered a lot of really ancient stuff! Then she hired Alejandro to make a People's History of Historic Ephian People, or something like that... I can't wait to read it, because it's going to basically be historical gossip, instead of boring stuff, like camel statistics. The Lily Historian is paying Alejandro with a lot of money, and a talking cloak! How wondrous! Oh, and Alejandro's also the Acting Legate, now! I think if you're an artsy type, we make you the Acting Legate, instead of the Interim-Legate... Makes perfect sense to me!
Iyar 17th, IY 7788
Some granny called me her child! She was a human, so that makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever! She was really rude about my prism services, too... The work pays well, but the downside is that some people don't get just how wild the aspectral energies are! I'm surprised that I haven't gotten some requests for aspects that don't even exist! Like the Wolverine, or the Grouchy Hermit, or the Tasselled Wobbegong! Those are definitely not aspects!
I went on an archaeological trek to Nusrum, with Alejandro, Azaghal, Khalid and Rur Aksa! So many ruins are full of spooky ghosts, and I don't like it... They make all sorts of scary noises, and sometimes, when a ghost manages to touch me, I feel so tired afterwards, and I just want to go to bed, but I can't, because there's important pieces of history to uncover! If I was a ghost, I certainly wouldn't spend my time in some dirty ruin... I'd haunt a flower garden, instead!
There was a fashion show, and a beach vacation, and I wasn't invited to either, so I felt like crying... And I did shed a few tears... Then I found out that there was no beach vacation, because it was all a hallucination, because nothing they told me about the supposed trip made any sense, except that Mevura was a spoilsport! I guess even in hallucinations there has to be an element of truth... I mean, they told me that someone named Pook Ulbo took them on a magic carpet ride! That's just nonsense, nobody named Pook Ulbo has ever existed! Marcellus and Eclair need to drink more fluids, stay to the shade, and rest more...
Also, I don't care about the fashion show, anymore, because I'm going to host my own! I just need to plan for it... I think six months is enough time for that! Yeah! It'll be grand, I'll do some designs myself, and then ask people to show me their absolute best styles! Of course, there is a chance that in half a year, the world will have ended, so we'll be doing the show in some cave, and there'll only be loincloths, which will be just fine if the only other survivors are strapping lads! Which there is a very low probability for, because at the end of the world, there is nothing to eat, so everyone will be whisper thin...
Iyar 18th, IY 7788
I helped Alejandro with some legislature... Neither it, nor the change to licensure that he suggested, ended up sticking in any way, and the latter almost caused a civil war, again! I told them to talk to Frederica first, but they wouldn't listen... All he got from his temporary position was some annoyance, and another law that shall be never be written upon the Stele... despite containing the absolute truth... as a memento!
Apparently Zain gets so focused in his work, that sometimes he just makes stuff that he doesn't really understand... Like this bow that had strange runes on it, that neither he himself, nor anyone else could read! Well, I guess it isn't necessarily about focus... It could be the fumes. There's a lot of fumes down at the labs... One time, I sniffed them a bit too long, and I saw a color that was between orange and purple, but wasn't a combination of them, it was just between them differently... That was weird. Oh, and also, Emmanuel gave me a fireball necklace. It's a necklace... with a fireball inside...? I guess I can throw it at someone if I'm in danger. Kind of pretty, though, so that'd be kind of a waste...
Martin's a troubled soul, but in the end, he's also a sweetheart! He's going to buy a Tlonsiyyan kettle for me and Pirouz, if we move in together... Now, I really would like a new kettle, but I still want to take things slow, since all of my previous relationships have been way too hasty! So, I'll just have to be patient... That kettle is really tempting, though! Martin's even more scatterbrained than me, though, so he probably won't remember tomorrow... Oh well... It's the thought that counts.
There's an Apothar named Lemon Peel? And Mevura's sister is called Tangerine...? I think the Astronomers might be obsessed with citrus... I don't blame them, most of my favorite fruits are citruses! I like oranges, lemons, limes, pomelos, tangerines, bergamots, clementines, grapefruits, sudachis, makruts, kumquats, lumias, and limettas! I probably forgot a few, but oh well...
The new Legate is Gausim! He's already made a few strange deals, and he seems kind of temperamental in private, so I have to be careful around him, I suppose... He doesn't seem insane, though, so that's a positive change. I'll just have to get used to him and find out what he's all about, in truth... Now, apparently Domhnall forgot to forward all that eel oil to wherever he's living, now, so it's still coming to the First Seat's office. It stinks so bad! Kroggnought tried some on his finger, and he smelled awful for the rest of the day...
There was some crazy nudist dwarf running around, declaring himself to be the king of High Kulkund, swinging his dingledongle around for everybody to see... It was horrible! He also destroyed various signs, even useful ones, and then, he destroyed the Complete Works of Asterabadi that was at the Sandstone, the signed copy that I perused once... Well, I read the foreword... parts of it... the first paragraph... the first sentence... Even that was really boring! While philosophy might be completely and utterly dull, you shouldn't destroy it, because that'll just make boring people really sad!
Also... Pook Ulbo is real?! The beach vacation actually happened...? I'm really sad now...
Iyar 19th, IY 7788
Yesterday had so much confusing waiting around, that I'm having a hard time recollecting what actually happened! Well, I don't remember what happened during that waiting, I do remember things beyond that... Oh yeah, Richo brought Massoud for a visit to Akna's office. He's healthier now, but seems like kind of a sleepy pupper... I think he takes naps in Richo's backpack, which is probably because Richo's carrying a lot of chicken around, so, Massoud can reach for a quick snack between naps!
I finished my first big craft project, and gave the socks to Narwen... I hope the kids like them! I managed to make twelve pairs, which isn't that impressive since they were tiny socks for tiny people... I don't know how many pairs I could've managed if they were for, say, adult stonefolk...? I really need to try making scarves, next! I'm just kind of terrified that I'll mess it up and it'll be just a waste of yarn... But you can't get better if you don't try! Oh, and I also managed to give Narwen the exact aspect that she likes, so, there is that! I wonder if it was mere chance, or if the aspectral energies were feeling particularly favorable...? Do aspects have feelings...?
Anyhow... I had that dinner with Pirouz. It was absolutely delicious! I had my pide with cheese, eggs and sujuk... He had his with cheese, spinach and onions... I gave him a taste of mine, and he gave me a taste of his! I think I liked mine better... I just love eggs with cheese, it's such a delicious combination! Anyhow, we had so much to talk about! Especially when we started looking over this brochure from Hanahara... They have such a massive selection that it boggles the mind! It does make me wonder, however... Can you be the biggest and the best...? I mean, some other seller probably has finer quality shahtoosh than they do, because they specialized in it...? Or did Hanahara corner that market, too? Oh, well... I have such a good feeling about me and Pirouz, though!
Iyar 20th, IY 7788
Horatio Servario's latest plan was just weird... I took some blueprints that Caster gave to me, and brought them over to Zain, but that malicious Don Honey had booby trapped them with fireworks! Booby trap is a funny word. Anyhow, Zain just took them outside to the mount, and the fireworks were set off completely harmlessly... It was really, really, really beautiful!
I don't even know what this plan was supposed to accomplish...? If Zain hadn't noticed the trap, then those fireworks would've shot into his eyes, and I don't think that would've improved his chances of developing romantic feelings... As for me, fireworks are highly distracting, and if it was supposed to make me kiss Zain, or something like that, then I am obviously incapable of doing that while I am focusing on the pretty explosions!
Also... Gaius doesn't believe that Pirouz exists! What a jerk! Maybe if he wasn't stuck at that reception desk for all eternity, obviously as punishment for some moronic thing he did, then maybe, just maybe, he could catch a glimpse of the handsome man that I am seeing! What an asshole! Now I feel like never letting him see Pirouz, just to spite him! Oh, right, I don't even have to do anything, because he's glued to that fucking desk!
Eclair, Stern and Zol Nur were on the hunt for some possibly possessed furniture, so we went around town... I was there simply because I was really curious! Anyhow, their investigation led to my home, which would've been a nice occasion, if it weren't for Eclair! She declared that my tastefully decorated couch had an aura of evil, and proceeded to destroy it with a knee kick, full of zealous smitery! My couch was ruined!
As an apology, she bought me a new one, thankfully... Which, with the help of her and Hypatia, was consecrated through the use of holy waters, hallowed oils and humble rituals! Even the upholstery was carefully chosen to be as sacred as possible, so, it carries a lotus pattern! Now my new couch is most righteous, and no oathsworn will ever kick it into a pile of splinters... Hopefully.
Kroggnought got an eyepatch...? His eye is fine. It's just one of those dumb fashion choices that people make occasionally... I don't want to be too judgmental of him, but having an eyepatch without an actual eye injury is really, really, really dumb. Imagine if people went around on crutches because they thought it was fashionable, or removed both of their feet for the maximal pegleggitude, just because their sense of fashion is horribly warped! He better not wear that thing at Assemblies!
I was going to complain about missing another beach vacation, but it pales in comparison to the pain felt by the mother who lost her daughter to Stern's disease... It is simbly horrid, and I don't know what to think, or do. She was collecting signatures for a petition so that Stern could be put on trial for the meteor, and I didn't have the heart to tell her that it will never happen, because she has amnesty... And I'm not sure if I should feel guilt, as well, because I really didn't know what the baublium was for, until the very last moments...
How many sins can be forgiven due to ignorance, if any at all...?
Iyar 21th, IY 7788
They have doomed the Disc.
That's what it feels like, anyhow. Maybe they have an extremely convoluted plot hidden behind a thousand different ones... Yet they handed the keys to fate to someone who might just throw them down a crevice, just to see the looks of anguish on everyone else's faces, all the while laughing at their idiocy.
And Zain... I don't know what to do. I'm just watching him burn, and I've no words or deeds to quench his suicidal streak. Others don't simply care at all, or they come to me, and begin piling the responsibility atop my back, as if I were capable of doing anything at all. Either they overestimate me to a profound degree, or they are deeply sadistic. Perhaps both...
Loving someone so utterly broken is easy. Getting them love themselves to the same extent is where it gets difficult.
I spent the night at the office. Tonka hated it. But I didn't feel safe at home. Another repulsive incident, so it reeked of sulfur there. I'm going to burn a ton of incense, and douse every inch of the place in perfume... But that's all besides the point. I don't know what the Tormented could want with me, or if it even was them, but I suppose some might be right when they presumed that the reason was that I have Marcellus for a neighbor, and I just got caught in their fracas.
I hope I don't have to move again... There aren't any real options, either. Every place's taken, except for that absolute dreadful hovel behind the Glaziers... I don't want to live there. I don't think anyone does.
I don't know if I want to live here.
Iyar 22nd, IY 7788
I was just going through my daily routine, checking the state of the treasury at the Chamber of Rule, when I noticed that Martin was playing around with the lever! He just kept pulling it, nonstop! Martin does that a lot... he just gets stuck in these... loops... where he just keeps doing something... It's so weird! The worst thing was that he got me stuck in his loop as well, because he broke the damn lever, and then, for some baffling reason, my key wouldn't work on the doors! I genuinely have no clue how he manages to do these things...
I kept thinking about these convoluted schemes to get out of there, but in the end, simply yelling at the door was enough to garner Frederica's attention, and she just opened the door... But can you really blame me...? Nothing is usually so simple with Martin, so the obvious solutions seem kind of pointless. Also... I really don't want to yell at him, but he started blaming me for getting him stuck there, and then he started lying to Frederica to shift the blame... He's a terrible liar, too... He said that my voice got the door stuck! That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and unlike Martin, I am confined by the laws of reality!
It's so hard not to be angry with him! Anyone who wonders why I yell at him so much has never interacted with him for longer than five seconds... Anyhow... I do have to admit that Martin is fascinating! I could probably become an academic of great renown if I attended the Sandstone, and wrote my thesis about him! Then again... would anyone believe me...? Actually, I think such a thesis would have better luck among the Astronomers, but I don't know magick, so... I think I'll just write about Martin as a hobby... Which I'm doing right now!
However, I think I can forgive Martin for that, at least, because later on, he held a dance party at the Pyramid... He invited an avant-garde pianist from Baz'eel, and everything! The funky rhythm was on display, from hither to yonder, and I got to dance at work, for once! If I could make dancing my job, I'd be the happiest man alive... Anyhow, it was really fun, plenty of folk got down with their slightly worse personae... but then Mevura had to go and ruin everything, like usual! Spoiling a party is one of the gravest sins, so I hope he knows that! Kroggnought punched him! I don't like it when people get punched, but he did deserve that...
I didn't get to keep the piano... It would've looked so grand in my stately abode! I didn't even get to take the comfy piano chair home, because I'm pretty sure Eclair and Mevura absconded with it, because they have trust issues with furniture... which is just weird! Did their parents make them sit on the floor, or something...? Because I had to do that and I grew up just fine! Regarding furniture, anyhow...
Iyar 23rd, IY 7788
Some trio of necromancers was raising an army of undead out in the dunes, but Alejandro and Lightdew defeated it, along with the wicked triumvirate! Then, Alejandro turned into a bear, and carried the three lunkheads into the garrison... Where they proceeded to kill themselves. Sometimes there is no justice to be had at all! Anyhow, I'm surprised that Alejandro can turn into a bear, though, because he isn't really the bear type... I think an otter would suit him better, but then he couldn't have carried three necromancers, unless it was a colossal sea otter, which is probably something that actually lived during ancient times, because back then, everything was bigger! Even cute otters!
A wizard kidnapped me and some others into his burgus... Apparently, a burgus is a really boring room, with absolutely no decorations, and it's kind of shaped like a throat lozenge! We had some wine, and tried coming up with all sorts of plans to get out of there, but in the end, it was Xon that saved the day! He turned into a door, and we jumped inside him, to get out... It was really gross! Especially when Xon arrived on the other side, too, because he had turned inside out, and there was blood, and guts, and I almost vomited, but I don't vomit that easily these days because I've seen a lot of fucked up shit so my tolerance for said fucked up shit is really, really, really high! I think. Xon's completely fine now, though.
Anyhow, Maddicus was there too...? I'm not sure. It might've been an illusionary Maddicus... He stabbed himself and disappeared...? I mean, I didn't see him at work, so I'm kind of worried...? But nobody else seems to be worried, so maybe it really was just an illusion...? I hope so, even though he is an absolutely insane wreck these days...
Then, later, some crazy lady was attempting to malign our uniforms on the bellows! So, I went downstairs, ready to have a stern talking to with her... but I simply couldn't take her seriously after I actually saw her! She was garbed in this absolutely hideous hunting attire, probably something that she stole from her grandma, or whatever, so I just started laughing and walked away... But then she kept going on and on, and then she basically called me an oversized canary! Nobody calls me an oversized anything! Especially not someone who's so unhealthily thin that that the wind could carry them away! So, I went back, to yell at her...
Turns out that she was an archmage or something...? She took off her horrid leather garb, and revealed this absolutely fabulous gown in a show of wondrous luminary magicks, and it was was so mesmerizingly fashionable that I could not keep my eyes off it! Well, that's not entirely true... I was highly distracted by her arm-length metallic gloves, which were such an affront, such a faux pas, such a travesty, that I simply couldn't stand for it! You have this wondrously gorgeous gown, and you ruin it with such an obvious mistake...? It must be the mage part of her persona, interfering with her attempts at being a fashionista...
Anyhow, she proceeded to animate a trench coat, which started attacking me! With the help of one of the Fourth, I was able to defeat it! Meanwhile, she had disappeared... So, I just carried the ugly coat all the way to the Tower... Richo joined me on the way there! We had to ring the bell a gadjillion badjillion times before Stern showed up! During the wait, the coat attacked us again! Then once Stern got there, a third attack... And Richo also got dressed in the coat, for some reason, and he was possessed, and he almost punched me! I don't know why he did that...?
And Stern's advice for dealing with the highly dangerous and highly hideous trench coat...? Just to burn it with a torch! I don't get magick! Sometimes the solution is extremely convoluted, sometimes it's really simple. If I knew that I could've just burned it, I wouldn't have bothered with going to the Mount... I would've just thrown it into a fireplace! Anyhow, Richo torched the coat. It's just a pile of ash, now... Good riddance!
The Well certainly has a lot of insane mages! I often envy the gift of magick, but when I see what mages end up doing with it, and how their sanity seems to eventually begin dwindling... they can keep it to themselves!
Also... Tonka leaped on my face and woke me up! So, I figured I might as well go for a walk to tire myself out again, and maybe eat something, but I really should stop trying to eat at the Hall of Jurisprudence, since it isn't actually that quiet there that often! This time, there was a ghost trial there. The accused was a ghost! We had a new prosecutor from Baz'eel, and everything, and it was such a confusing case, because the ghost kept producing these ancient documents, as if they were still in force after a thousand years or however long. In the end, the ghost was guilty of trespassing on the Disc after his time, and he was exorcised by the prosecutor. I don't get why we had to even pretend that the ghost had rights, because he wasn't even a friendly ghost!
Why was yesterday so particularly weird...?
Iyar 24th, IY 7788
Sublime Prosecutor al-Hadiim is a curious lady! She has dealt with ghost crime before... Supposedly it's common enough that there's a proper procedure for it, and everything! If I was a ghost, I wouldn't waste my time doing crime, I'd read books instead, and see all the flowers of the world, and in general, spend my unlife being really productive... Then again, I wouldn't want to be a ghost, because ghosts don't know love, and they seem really lonely!
Speaking of crime... Caster's childhood village sounds really weird about it! They had this hog, that they called a "Skympe", or something, and the local kids would chase it, after which it would start chasing them, and it was also supposed to form the basis of their justice system for juvenile crime... That's just odd. It sounds like it would just teach people to run away from authority figures...? And to see them as pigs...? I hope Caster doesn't do that with one of the Fourth...
What were ancient bookstores like? Apparently, those existed during colossi times... Did they have books of varying sizes? Some colossi-sized, some human-sized, some ogre-sized, some halfling-sized...? That sounds like such a hassle! Were the ancient booksellers as curmudgeonly as Rashid? I hope not... I wish I could visit an ancient bookstore! I would read all the romantic novelettes, and learn of colossi love... It must've been colossal in size!
Richo gave me some bee mead... Beead... It was so tasty! I understood the importance of his quest before, but now I understand it even better! Richo must find the Biggest Bee, for the sake of the Disc, and for the sake of tasty, tasty mead! Now, is mead a wine...? Is it a honey wine...? I think it's a honey wine. From now on, I'm going to have some every now and then, as part of a healthy breakfast!
Maddicus is crazier than ever before! Now he wants to destroy the Torchbearers! He also said that he has killed a thousand peasants, but I'm not sure if that was said just for the sake of provocation... He called Eclair a "puta". I don't know what a "puta" is? Is it a pudding? I think it's a pudding. Anyhow, he also has crazy mood swings with me, a lot, sometimes he's really friendly, other times he's really confrontational and basically hates me... I'm so glad that I don't have to work with him that often! What a creepy asshole!
Also, the Fourth took Selsi's shoes...? Everybody was at the garrison to see them returned...? I mean, I like shoes, but it's still a weird thing to go gawk at... I was there just because I thought something of importance was happening! Instead it was just fancy shoes... Okay?
Iyar 25th, IY 7788
Pirouz's parents seem rather overbearing... They constantly send him letters telling him to return home! Well, I guess it's not really that overbearing when you consider how utterly insane Ephia's Well is... I'm kind of conflicted, really. I don't know if I should be... But right from the start, we've both tried to not take this too seriously. Perhaps for the same reasons, I'm not sure... I just don't want to hurt him, or myself, even if it's kind of unavoidable, when it comes to love... Will I cry if he leaves? Probably. Will it be the end of the world? Probably not... Is it awful that I'm thinking about such things already...?
Anyhow, the Ephian Games were held again... And Meadow's team won... again. She's just amazing at these sorts of events! I wish she'd get some tough competition, though, because that'd make the event far more exciting! Now, what made yesterday's game somewhat interesting was the fact that the League of Gold sponsored it, by giving the winners a golden ring... It would've been quite the pretty bijou, if it were not for the tacky political slogan that they engraved on it! I would never put such a horrid thing around my finger!
There's been some talk of Alejandro becoming a Scribe... In all honesty? I don't really see him in the role, though I'm not really opposed, either. I'm lukewarm about it, at best. Alejandro himself wasn't excited about it... So, he most likely won't be donning the uniform, anytime soon. Now, there was something about his reasoning that was incredibly annoying to me! The uniform seems to be one of his main problems... yet he said that he's somewhat interested in starting studies at the Sandstone! The problem is obvious... THEIR UNIFORM IS THAT COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY HIDEOUS POTATO SACK! Why's that fine, and the rather dashing and absolutely wonderfully snug Scribal uniform isn't? That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever!
Kroggnought is starting to worry me... I knew that he was quite confrontational, but yesterday...? He punched a Janissary... Samton, I think. What happened...? Some asshole fooled Kroggnought into smashing a sign, so, the Fourth attempted to fine him. Kroggnought does not understand the concept of fines, so, he refused, and the Fourth tried to arrest him, which led to the punch. I tried my best to explain why all of this was wrong, but I don't think I got through to him... I felt guilty about it, but I had to postpone his promotion. He just isn't ready for it... Not yet. Which is a shame, because he genuinely is good at his job when he isn't doing dumb stuff like this!
Now, that ghost attorney is supposedly trying to get Kroggnought his money back, but... He's a real sleazebag? I should've warned Kroggnought about that, but it all happened so fast, and I wasn't sure if he would've even listened to me... My biggest worry? That all of these scummy sorts are just going to keep taking advantage of poor Kroggnought! I'm not sure how I can help him, because he kind of only remembers a tenth of the stuff that I teach him... Men can be such stubborn fools!
Iyar 26th, IY 7788
What's with these artificers besmirching Zain? Why do they have to lie? What did he ever do to those guys, that made them so vile? I don't care what they say about him, anyhow! I don't care about that! It's all a bunch of nonsense! They're obviously just jealous of his wondrous talents!
A Nadiri disappeared, and Xon and Zol Nur went about looking for him... They tried to lure him home by wafting the tasty aroma of falafel around from the Office of Gold's roof! That didn't help... In most situations, falafel can solve at least some related issue, so, this was one of the rare exceptions!
Richo told me about a sales tactic that some merchants do... They have a dancing monkey at their shop! That sounds so adorable! I haven't seen anyone do that here... It's such a shame! If someone has a dancing monkey, they obviously know a lot about mercantile, because to obtain their simian buddy, they obviously had to engage in very difficult bartering... Then again, maybe they just gave a monkey a banana and befriended it...? That's a rather simple exchange – tasty fruit for everlasting friendship!
Kroggnought bought "snake milk"... It was obviously poison! Nothing that is green is milk, except for milk that has been dyed green, and if you find milk like that, then you're dealing with an obvious crazy person, because why would anyone do that...? Anyhow, I really wish I didn't have to teach him things like that... I mean, he is an adult. I shouldn't have to teach him what milk is! Makes me kind of glad that Marcellus isn't in office right now... Kroggnought would probably make him drink poison during Marcellus moments, and make them even worse!
BURGUS.
What?
I WAS TRANSITORILY POSITIONED AT THE BURGUS, ALSO.
Very good, Inky, you were! What about that? That happened a few days ago!
I... I HAVE NOT VISITED THIS PERIODICAL SINCE THE PASSING OF MANY DIMINUTIVE AEONS.
Well, you kind of just read stuff, these days... In fact, that's all you do, really!
I WISH TO PERCEIVE THESE DANCING SIMIANS.
Iyar 27th, IY 7788
I went on an archaeological trek with Alejandro, Moni and Lyra! We mostly found a bunch of mirrors, and a really gross whip! One can never have too many mirrors, but gross whips, well... Even one is excessive! Now, some of these ruins have such lovely furniture, as stained and worn as they can be... The designs are simply wonderful! I would love to draw them and make a custom order for some of my own! There's no law against that, either! How wondrous!
Richo was called a Holy Fool? The 'holy' part certainly makes sense, blessed by Warad as he is, but he is no fool! Then again, they do say that only fools rush in, and Richo does a lot of that! He rushes here, he rushes there, he rushes everywhere! Maybe he's the good kind of fool...? Oh, and also... He brought some wasps to the Pyramid! They were highly aggressive! Because they're wasps! I don't know why he did that, but it really startled me! I absolutely and utterly despise each and every wasp! Bees are much nicer...
Kroggnought is on thin ice! My orders are very clear... If he messes up just one more time, then he is to be fired, and promptly! I'm going to try and do my absolute best to guide him, but I have my doubts... He's so stubborn! There's plenty of employment opportunities for a strong man like him, sure, but if he gets a reputation for doing stupid shit, then who's going to hire him?! I wish him all the best, however... Orphans need to stick together!
Also... twenty times? Twenty? It really boggles the mind!
Iyar 28th, IY 7788
I spent most of yesterday with Alejandro and Elias... I'm pretty sure Elias is a fellow member of the Velvet Connoisseur Club... He's nice! He told me a lot about plants... Like lepfish... Which is a form of algae, not a fish! Algae is weird. Anyhow, he knows a lot about herbology, which is one of the few acceptable academic fields, because plants are actually interesting, and not really boring, like most stuff they seem to study at the Sandstone...
Later, Athelia joined us as well, as we explored Nusrum! The orcs were out in droves, and they managed to ambush and surround us with such deadly numbers, that I was afraid that we were going to get hurt real bad... Thankfully Alejandro and Athelia are such talented combatants that we were all safe, in the end! Elias' wondrous medicinal talents were a boon, as well! Athelia told me that she's going to keep me safe! I believe her, and I feel much safer, already!
Someone robbed Richo! Why...? Maybe they were really hungry... Richo does carry chicken around... Well, Massoud ends up eating most of it. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure robbing Richo might be some form of sacrilege at this point. I think? I don't know. Thankfully he wasn't hurt that bad... I hope that they catch the bastard who did it!
Eclair has a really, really, really big stick! She got it from Sofia, supposedly. Apparently, the stick seems to be growing...? How wondrous! I wish I had a big stick that keeps growing... I can think of so many uses for such a thing! For one, I could use it to reach for things that are really far away... Second, I could use it as a climbing pole, to explore mountains and such! Third, I could use it to poke people that I don't like! Fourth... well... you could settle it atop two different towers, in two different cities, and have monkey couriers carry important messages across it! Fifth... Play fetch with really big puppers...?
"Better to die than to live with worms"... How do these shamanistic types know?
Iyar 29th, IY 7788
What a strange day. Amidst the usual day-to-day humdrum, I'm raised to the position of Vizier. Before, I was sure that I would just keep opposing the notion, but in the end, I felt like I might as well accept... Nobody suitable came forth. I don't even know if I'm suitable, myself. I've been on so many diplomatic envoys, yet I simply stay to the side and advise to the best of my ability, which isn't much, really... But somebody had to do it.
I guess that's what this is, too, in the end... At least I was able to negotiate to be a vizier al-tanfidh, instead of al-tafwid, so, I still stay as an advisor, really. People won't really get that, though. They won't even know the difference. I mean... admittedly, I only knew of the distinction because I was really bored at the Sandstone, one day, and decided to peruse a book by random, so...
There's so many stories of wily and corrupt viziers... And people will try to fling that shit at me, too, I suppose, without knowing anything about me, or what I actually want, or what I can actually achieve. I want people to be fed, to be housed, to be loved... If I can, in this position, manage to progress this hellhole even an inch towards any of those goals, then I will be glad of it.
And if someone else with actual credentials comes along and wants the position...? They can have it. I hate responsibility. What a pity that you must accept some to actually achieve anything...
Anyhow... back to the usual whimsy. Apparently the bandit who robbed Richo is called "Axeman Pete"? It sounds like the title of a folk song, really! One of those folk songs that gets surprisingly graphic as it progresses, but nobody really cares, because they're drunk off their arse! Then, one day, perhaps as some vain attempt to better themselves, they actually listen to the lyrics while sober, and find out that it's really quite creepy and disgusting!
And speaking of Richo... His quest for the Biggest Bee is so complex and confounding. Besides strange naked dwarves, he also seeks knowledge from curious beings of law, such as his buddy, Rock. Rock apparently has countless supervisors, and I think we met one, yesterday, with the help of Nasreen. She was able to summon one of these curious beings, and it was simply peculiar! I expected some being of stone, but it was just some sort of floating glyph, instead... I guess it really was the embodiment of law, but I'm not sure which law...? I really don't get magick... or otherworldly beings that lack an actual corporeal form... or the law... at least not as an abstract concept... For once, I think I understood just as much as Kroggnought did. Oh yeah, he was there, too! For reasons!
Also, most importantly... Where are my alfajores...? I think somebody took them! I am so disappointed!
Hziran 1st, IY 7788
Richo came to Akna's office, yelling about there being a new statue at the Pyramid... But it was just that old one, depicting a knightly lady! Well, relatively old. How had he never noticed it?! I was so excited, too... How disappointing!
Then, later, Alejandro, Athelia, Elias and Richo visited my home... Richo wanted to tell one of his twin tales, because my home is one of the crossroads in His Temple...? Anyhow, unlike that statue, it was highly intriguing, even though a lot of Richo's tales are kind of sad...? This one was about how Kula and Warad lost their love for each other... Well, there was more, too, but I think that was the most important part!
I enjoy having visitors, but I'm still not quite used to it... I don't really know if I'm supposed to brew some tea, or coffee, or if I'm supposed to have some pastries prepared, do I have to have a parlor game, what about conversation starters, do I have to have those ready or is it more spontaneous, all of this is really hard... Having your own home is so weird!
Kroggnought quit! It wasn't too surprising, but I wonder what made him decide so quickly...? He's a Scarab, now. If it was the Fourth talking to him about it, I do wish they'd informed me, beforehand. But nobody really comes to me about stuff like that... Instead I find out at the very last moment! We lost one of our best water couriers! Oh, well... I'm not going to clip someone's wings when they're ready to fly. I'll miss him, though!
Then there was a hostage situation... Some strange revenants...? They took Faisal, Diocletes, Lightdew... They even took Kroggnought, at first, but they let him go at the very first moment! Such an assorted bunch of people! Thankfully everyone made it back, safely! Apparently it had something to with Red Hill...? How peculiar! I hope that they don't want anything with me! Last thing I need is some sociopaths hunting down the survivors... I want to forget about the whole ordeal, I still have nightmares about it...
Some people don't call me Vizier! I'm not sure what to think about that...? Maybe being the Vizier without anyone realizing will make my job easier...? Well, outside important diplomatic negotiations, anyhow. It'll be just plain embarassing if the ambassadors don't know who I am!
Hziran 2nd, IY 7788
More archaeology at Nusrum! This time, with Alejandro, Elias, and Meadow... Meadow really needs to carry some spare clothes with her! She sweats like a hog! As for the history... Mostly stuff I already knew! But that doesn't matter, any time spent with friends is well worth it!
I think Qari's having some sort of midlife crisis, except delayed by a few decades... He came to the Pyramid, dressed up in a most stylish black suit, and he was also smoking the finest cigars! Also, he spoke in a far smoother way than usual, and he actually had a healthy amount of confidence, instead of being full of the usual miserable conceit! He asked me to shake Martin on the rocks! What does that mean...? I'm not going to do that. Anyhow, five minutes later, he was back in his usual toga, selling junk at the Souk. That was fast!
I saw a mime! He's really good, so he obviously went to Mime School... Are most mimes mute, or is it like a monk thing, where completely abandoning something that you are capable of brings you a better understanding of it...? Maybe mimes are really wise. All I know is that this one is really funny!
Akna and Gausim sure argue a lot... It's nothing new between Legates, but this time it was really awkward. Because they're my bosses, I can't tell them to shut up, or to try to engage in a spontaneous therapy session! There's so many important things to take care of, and it's all just a bunch of "he said, she said"! It's so annoying! I do wonder about the core of the problem, too... It might just be a tendency that some Ephians have. If I said that I'm considering getting a puppy to someone, ten people would later ask to see said pupper. I think consideration is a foreign conceipt to most here...
Today's Assembly is extremely important. More so than usual! So, I know someone's going to absolutely ruin it... I'm so high-strung! I drank so much chamomile, burned so much incense, and that didn't help at all... It's going to be absolutely horrible!
Hziran 3rd, IY 7788
It was horrible!
Actually, "horrible" doesn't even begin to describe it! We had the director from Gohari visit us, and yes, she was horribly bored, but that was nothing, just absolutely nothing, compared to what followed, when Skarn came in and informed us that Lucia had been made a Recluta... A call for Vico's arrest was made, for treason! Then, while the Fourth were looking for him, he just walked into the Chamber, and dumped Lucia's corpse onto the floor!
They had fooled her into joining the Banda...? And after she did that, they just killed her...? That's so devious... Anyhow, after beating him up, they put Vico in some shackles, and were about to walk him out, when suddenly, Koji began stabbing him with his katana! It was absolutely brutal, and visceral, and disgusting, it was horrifying, I hated it, I couldn't watch it! Koji killed Vico!
And then... the blood seeped all over... It might've reached the Stele, I couldn't see in the chaos, but the Stele was profaned! Vile magicks surrounded it, and the Pyramid shook, the entire Well trembled and rattled, it was horrifying, I was so scared, I wanted to go home, but I couldn't... It was absolutely terrifying...
And amidst all the ruckus, somehow, the Stele was committed to the Wyrm! How...? Some say that it was Gary, but it doesn't make sense, because he's such a nice guy, and we haven't trained him in the operation of the Stele, so he wouldn't even know how to do anything to it...? I do wish people wouldn't spread such vicious rumors...
So, the Pyramid had to be evacuated... Apparently some snakes moved in during that...? Martin told us, outside. He was stuck on the balcony, and I told him to get down, but I didn't mean it like that, but he understood it like that, so he jumped down! But, since it's Martin, he wasn't hurt too bad. I think Martin will survive the apocalypse...
Later, the Fourth wanted to talk to Martin about something, so they invited him to the garrison, and Gary was his advocate, and we waited around for so long, but when they finally came, they were wondering why we were there...? YOU ASKED US TO COME! I know that it was a chaotic day, but that was so weird!
And, then, even later, the Grandmaster sent a taskforce of the Rose to the Pyramid, to purify the Stele, so, I opened the front doors, and went along, myself, and it was so scary, but I wasn't too scared, because Narwen was there, and those Balladeers actually know how to fight once they actually get down to it... After we did a clockwise Wheel ritual around the ground floor's obelisk, there were a lot of dead snakes, all about... So much work for the custodial staff... Anyhow, in the end, Gausim purified the Stele, while the Rose kept watch! I was praying so much, to B'aara, and Warad, both! I'm glad the Stele could be saved... Yet I worry for the future!
As if that weirdness wasn't enough, later, we were wondering just where the hell Maddicus was... And as we were doing that, he appeared in a flash of foul, spooky magicks! It was highly suspicious! He told us that he had been trapped in the Burgus, again, yet had been able to escape. I'm not sure if I believe him... He could've escaped much sooner if that was the case...? Since he already knew how he could escape...? In the most depressing way possible...?
Anyhow, all this suspicious shit jogged my memory about some weird stuff Maddicus had asked me to help him with! It might be tied to what happened to the Pyramid? I'm not sure? He's an insane schemer, and insane schemers have so many schemes that it's really difficult to know where they begin and end...
I told the Fourth about it, and Maddicus found out, and now he sees me as a traitor... A traitor to the License Wars... Which I wasn't actually part of to begin with, I just care about tax revenue. I think Maddicus wants to kill me now...? I hope not... I wish he'd hit his head again, and go back to his old self, because not only would it make me feel safer, it'd also be a really big improvement to our work atmosphere. Everyone's scared of him, now!
And then, much, much, much later, Richo was moving at hyperspeed, again, so, me, Lightdew and Pauvera decided to follow along to see what it was that he wanted to show us at the First Wheel! Well, he just wanted to race around it... which was fun! And after that, we wandered around for a bit in those scorpion caves. Couldn't really find the cave etchings he wanted to show us...
So, we started walking back towards the Well, and we ran into Trusty Pete! I've only heard about him before... He had a fairy in a jar! So, I tried buying it from him... But he's such a slow counter! He attempted to count all the way to five hundred, one by one... and he kept messing up the count, and restarting... I'm pretty sure it was all a scam, and he was never going to give me the jar! So, I yelled at him, which startled him, and he threw the jar in the air...
Richo tried grabbing the jar, but he fell on it, instead! The poor fairy was dead, somehow squished under Richo's featherweight frame... Richo killed my newest friend! But, I suppose I can forgive him, since he was trying to save them... It'll be hard, but I'll try my hardest, like Narwen does, because she has a lot of people to forgive and it's really difficult and I don't like it either but I really like Richo and I don't want to be angry with him even though I really wanted to befriend that fairy...
I was going to free them, and ask where fairies live... I wanted to visit Fairyland, and learn fairy magick, because I think fairy magick is more about beauty than other forms of magick, and I'm really beautiful, so I obviously would learn it pretty easily... Even if they wouldn't have told me, it would still have been a good deed! Saying goodbye to that fairy was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do...
I guess the lesson here is... Never trust people who keep living beings in jars! They're basically slavers! Next time someone tries to sell me something like that, I'll kick them in the crotch, grab the jar, and run away while opening it!
Oh, and the second lesson is... don't spill blood around ancient Steles! Actually, just don't spill blood, in general! Life'd be much better...
Hziran 4th, IY 7788
Zain told me about the fae to make me feel better... Apparently, the fairy might've asked me for my firstborn (not going to happen), or my first adopted... I'm not giving Tonka to anyone! So, while I still wish I could've freed that fairy, maybe our friendship wouldn't have worked out, in the end. I think I'd prefer to befriend a brownie, but I've no milk to steal... What I'm learning here is that the fae are just plain weird, and friendships with them involve a lot of broken social mores!
Some potions of shielding magicks are blue, and some are purple. What's up with that? Emmanuel told me that there was an insane wizard, who was convinced that they were blue all along, so they filled the market with the blue ones? Zain, on the other hand, said that it's just artificial colorings, designed to make them more appealing? Maybe it's a combination of both... Why do some folk call the blue ones "blue lean", though? That's such a weird name!
There was an impromptu diplomatic envoy to Spring's Gift... Quite difficult. Especially when I'm not given the entirety of the truth, which makes it look as if I'm lying, or keeping something from them. The excuse given was that Zol Nur is a slow speaker! Maybe so, at times, but it sounds like an excuse... Especially when the Astronomers just conveniently forget to mention things so often that it is basically to be expected. I was quite irritated... but at least the talks went rather well, in the end.
Later, I did some interior design for the Tower... It was pretty challenging, too, because Stern and Mevura have such strange priorities. Zain seemed to be only one with a modicum of taste... He knows plenty of flowers, too, which is one of the most charming traits a man can have. Anyhow, even a workplace has to be comfy, yet I think the Apothars wanted it to look miserable on purpose? I don't get it. I had to repeat myself so many times to get even one couch in the hallway they were renovating, and I'm not sure if I managed to fully convince them...
Also... Nadiri Nailo lives inside the broom closet...? I think...?
Anyhow... Interior design in Ephia's Well is so difficult, in general. I've so many ideas, but I have to work inside such a limited framework... Fine art is rare here, so are flowers, and heaven forbid if you want a simple secrétaire à abattant... Or even an encoignure! That hallway would've looked so delightful with a few of those!
Oh, also... I bought an egg! It is the eggiest egg I've ever seen. I'm going to try hatching it... I hope there's a cute bird inside.
Hziran 5th, IY 7788
Narwen showed me a secret! I'll never tell anyone else, because we're such good friends! I do wish she'd have visited my home for longer, though... I wish I'd get more guests in general... Anyhow, I'm really looking forward to the celebration at Spring's Gift! I'm going to try and knit a scarf as a gift... It has to be fashionable, yet practical, since the newborn do have to travel out amongst the wastes every now and then... Green is the color of choice, but I have about a dozen different varities of green yarn, so... Difficult decisions ahead!
Some weird guy with absolutely awful fashion sense came up to me at the Krak... He had this completely nonsensical story about how he lost his chip, and needed some help making a bellow advertising their stall... Since it was such obvious bullshit, I didn't do do that! I got a really bad feeling about that guy, he was such a creep! I think I'm going to start avoiding the Krak again if weirdos like that are going to try and take advantage of me...
Izdu has gifted Marcellus with blessed sight... Yet he uses it to check people's purses! That's so weird! I suppose that counts as seeking knowledge, but it still seems a rather misguided use of such gifts... If I had such sight, I'd use it for far more important things! Like looking inside boxes and barrels, or making sure that a guy actually has abs, because sometimes their arms fool you into thinking that the rest of them is just as vigorous...
Apparently there was a lot of quaking and the Gutter Beast was set loose...? I didn't see any of that, because I was fast asleep. So was Tonka, and Inky. I don't know how Inky sleeps, exactly, or if they dream, but they kind of don't move about as much when they're doing that...? I think it's sleep, anyhow.
I DO NOT SLEEP. NEITHER DO I ENGAGE IN REVERIE. MY FINELY CALIBRATED MENTAL APPARATUSES HAVE NO NEED OF SUCH FRIVOLOUS ACTIVITIES LIKE "RESTING".
I don't think I believe you, Inky! I think you do sleep, and you have dreams, just like everyone else! What do you dream of...?
I DREAM OF A WORLD WHERE PERSONAGES DO NOT ASK SUCH FOOLISH QUESTIONS.
Hziran 6th, IY 7788
Recently, I've been so sleepy... Zain gave me plenty of tips on how to fix my evening routine, so that I can get more out of my sleep. Turns out that relaxing is more complicated than I thought! Even a simple bath could kill you, if you relax too much. Yet as far as dying in the Ash Desert goes, drowning in your bathtub seems one of the comfier ways to go... But if I live until I'm 170, I'm not sure if there will be any bathtubs left!
While I was contemplating his advice... The Big Heron kidnapped me! It carried me all the way to Nusrum, into the middle of a battlefield! It was horrifying! Especially because Blackbelly kept being a creep towards me! Oh, yeah. There was also a lot of fire, blood, and strange orcan magicks from beyond the stars! That too.
I have trouble concentrating to begin with, but I couldn't focus at all there, so I walked into the middle of a horrendous field of black tendrils, and nearly died... I hit my head so bad that I forgot about Tonka's birthday, which is somewhere in Tesrin Hray, probably somewhere around the tenth to the fourteenth, according to a vet's expert opinion... It's so terrible that I no longer remember anything about her birthday! I'm pretty sure it was the twelfth, actually... It's absolutely awful, not having even the faintest idea of my dear Tonka's birth! Oh, and the vet said that she was probably born in the evening... It's simply dreadful, not being able to remember anything about it at all!
After the horrid battle, the Big Heron snatched me again! It carried me all the way to the Plaza... Apparently people had been looking for me all over. It's good to know that people care... Anyhow, back at my stately abode, Zain washed my uniform and mended it back together... He's a real peach, like always. He doesn't seem to believe that Pirouz is real, either... I don't know what's so difficult to believe about him? The implications are quite rude, really, I'm perfectly capable of maintaining a relatively healthy relationship!
After that, I got Ashley to do a checkup on me, because I had this awful headache... Normally I'd go to my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, but I was so worried and I didn't want to bother her abruptly... Apparently the headache's due to a humoral imbalance. She's going to send some herbal tea to the Pyramid for me to drink. I don't know what to think about that! Medicine that you actually like sounds just weird... I think the more disgusting a medicine is, the more effective it is!
Also... Narwen's brother is hot! I wonder if he's single...?
Hziran 7th, IY 7788
Some weird guy was doing potion audits... He gave me a zero out of five and called me the devil! It's not my fault that my bag is a mess, so often... People gift me all sorts of things, and then I forget to organize them... And it doesn't help that after the Big Heron kidnapped me, my brews were all over the place, because some of them are identical, but won't fit into the same pouch, because of brew antimagnetism or something!
Anyhow, later, that guy was emptying his own, horribly messy bag all over the place, and his sippy drink landed right next to me, but Narwen took it... I was really curious what the sippy drink tasted like! That's a little greedy of her! Folk also took a bunch of tinkering materials, and I offered to buy them, but nobody accepted my offer... I don't even know any tinkers besides Zain here, anyhow, so I don't know what they're doing with those!
Occasionally, Alejandro works as a muse for some folk, especially the Nadiri. I've worked as a muse, too! But unlike Alejandro, I didn't sing, I just stood around, looking pretty... I guess that it was more like being a model than a muse, in the end, though so many artists have called me their muse, at some point... After the muse work, he and Elias had a digging date! Alejandro insists that it wasn't a date, and got really flustered, which means that it absolutely was one! How does a digging date differ from a regular dig...? I guess there's flowers, and the snacks are more delightful than hardtack and salted camel...?
I still have a headache, which is awful on its own, but then a bunch of folk wanted to talk to me about their campaign policy... It would've been dreadful, but thankfully they were respectful of my headache, and they didn't force it... Instead, I went to a meeting of the Purple, and listened to a bunch of yelling, instead! That was really stupid of me... Now my headache is worse... Anyhow, as an outcome of the meeting, Marcellus is running for Legate again! I hope he wins... It'll be like old times... and now that I know his pecularities, I can just do my nails while he's running around, doing who knows what!
They asked me to run, too... I don't know why they always do that...? I never want to be a Legate! I'd rather the Big Heron carry me somewhere... Preferably a comfy beach! Apparently Zol Nur's been planning a surprise beach vacation, for himself, me, Alejandro and Richo. Since it's a surprise, I'm supposed to carry around swim trunks and coconuts with me, at all times. Which I was already doing, mind you... Well, I don't carry swim trunks, those are far too chaste for someone like me!
One of the lessons I taught Kroggnought seems to have stuck with him! He can write his name, now! It takes him a lot of time, but he can still do it! I'm really proud of him! Soon, maybe in a year or so, he will be able to write a whole sentence! As long as it is six words or less...
Also, Eclair's stick is really tiny, now! What happened?
Hziran 8th, IY 7788
My Efuddy word for yesterday was "heron"! Did the Big Heron sneak up to the board and rearrange the letters? Or was it Maddicus, like some are suspecting? Or was it that accursed Don Honey, Horatio Servario? I'll find out next time! Probably.
Anyhow, I gave some extremely dangerous materials to Zain, and he made a most holy trap out of them. I don't get how that works, but that's what he did. I think someone like Eclair might like such a trap, if they were into hunting, or something. Me, I don't know much about traps, I just know how to trigger them without people or cute animals getting hurt... Which is just about enough, I'd say!
Some jerk of a professor came to the Souk and kept quizzing Alejandro! According to his idiotic tendencies, history is all about random trivia! No, it isn't... History is all about forbidden lust, delicious drama, and fateful mistakes in fashion! And if it wasn't enough that he kept insulting Alejandro... He accused me of making up my many boyfriends! Why would I make them up, or the trauma caused by them...? I think he's jealous! Some of these guys are just catty bitches, because somehow they can't manage to get any, despite guys being really, really, really easy! I go for quality over quantity, these days, however. It's why I'm dating Pirouz!
WHO IS TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY REAL, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY! WORDS CAN'T BRING ME DOWN!
Anyhow... I'm going to befriend the Big Heron! Alejandro helped me visit Frostport, so that I could buy some fish from the market... The way to a heron's heart is a lot of fish! A lot of stinky, fatty fish... It smells really bad. But if I have make some sacrifices to ensure that the Big Heron won't kidnap me again! Otherwise, I might end up being snatched somewhere else totally horrible... Like... a pirate's... wedding...? I think pirates are very choosy about their guests, so that'd be... dangerous? I don't know.
Oh, yeah. There also was another Horatio, at the Pyramid. It wasn't that nefarious Don Honey, Horatio Servario, however. His name was... I think it was Horatio Explosivo. He said that he was going to explode, anyhow. But he didn't explode, which is good, because our custodial staff already has to clean a lot of fucked up shit! Which is why I try to pay them extra, every now and then... Anyhow, it was all a ploy in order to meet Akna, so that they could discuss politics. Turns out that guys who lie about exploding are really, really, really weird! He mostly just kept insulting her, and me and Athelia! Athelia should've slammed him with a piledriver! In a strictly political sense, of course. A political piledriver! Also, he asked for wine, but I didn't give him any, despite having some, because I don't give wine to rude weirdos!
Apparently, Akna doesn't really drink...? She's going to have such a hard time because of that if she gets re-elected!
Hziran 9th, IY 7788
Apparently, Lightdew sometimes forgets to eat... for upwards to two days! That's not good... Samton should remind her! Or they should just eat lunch together... With the places that Samton goes to, she'd never be hungry, ever again!
Narwen told us about Alopex, the fox, and Saphraak the spider... It was such an entertaining tale! However... Now I want to see foxes! Which is easily done, because I can just borrow a telescope from the Astronomers and look for fennecs out in the dunes!
Zain invented a gun that shoots lightning... It's wondrous! Wondrously dangerous! It keeps buzzing and fizzing and whirring... Sometimes Zain's hair shoots up, due to the latent energies within the weapon! I would love such a firearm, if it were the size of a sling... and the shape of a sling... in fact, just make it a sling!
MARCELLUS HAD A PARTY, AND HE DIDN'T INVITE ME! THAT OLD, CRUSTY GOAT! I only got there because some strange force teleported me to the party... If it were not for that mysterious stranger, I wouldn't have gotten any cake, or gotten to dance, or seen some truly spooky shit!Well, I wouldn't have minded if I was spared from the latter... But cake? That's something I never want to miss! I know it's spiteful, but now I'm considering conveniently forgetting to invite him to my birthday bash... But I've also forgotten when my birthday is, so... I'm going to conveniently forget to invite anyone at all!
During the last moments of the party, Oro came around, and said that there was a disturbance, or something, and he used his gadgetidoo on me, and it beeped, and suddenly, Mevura and Zain were saying that I'm cursed... Cursed like Martin! That makes absolutely no sense, because I don't have that much bad stuff happen to me. I'm sure it's just their equipment, their spells and their expertful aptitude misreading the situation!
While I was being examined at the Tower, Richo came in, and Oro turned him into stone! Then Nadiri Eloise tried selling him as a statue! That's horrible! Then, after Gaius dispelled the curse of stone, Richo dropped one of his disgusting bug friends to the ground, for some reason, and Mevura set it ablaze, for some reason, and then the spores exploded everywhere and I breathed some of them in and I had a horrible headache... I'm teetotaller fine now, after a ton of healing magicks, a punch of medicine, and some noomi basra... I love limerence! I love lime. I meant that I love lime.
Also, Hypatia has a new girlfriend...? It's another Balladeer...? I suppose that she has an extremely specific type...
Hziran 10th, IY 7788
Xon sang with Alejandro! Alejandro was on lead vocals, and Xon was the one man chorus... It was so eerily beautiful! Xon's "sha la la" could probably be heard throughout the Plaza... I wish I could manipulate my voice like that. Maybe then people would pay attention to my advice... Probably not! I still wish I knew magickal musick... Music. I meant music. Anyhow, the song had cotton candy in it, so it obviously was one of the grandest songs ever!
I was afraid that politics would put a strain on my friendship with Akna, and they pretty much have... Maddicus, in his usual petty way, was undermining me, and my position as Vizier, and instead of saying a single word in my defense, Akna just told him that she's thought about removing positions from the Stele, before... Grand.
I mean, I'm very much aware that even when I manage to do a good job, I'll only get some faint praise in the form of a few words... After which they completely forget about my contributions, and most likely ignore any advice I gave. Then they act amicably to my face, yet they never invite me to any social gatherings, and talk ill of me behind my back, as if word of that doesn't reach me, later... This work doesn't afford one any respect, really. If I remember when my birthday is, I think I'm just going to invite Alejandro and Narwen, and nobody else. I'd love to invite Zain, too, but he's not really the type for parties... I think it might just bring him discomfort, really, even with such a limited guest list...
Anyhow... My plan worked! The Big Heron loves fish, just like any regular-sized heron! It was just about to snatch me, but I surrounded myself with plenty of fish, so, it grabbed one of those, instead... And so, satisfied with its snack, it did not kidnap me! The problem with this plan is that I'm going to be making a lot of trips to Frostport, if this keeps up! So, befriending the Big Heron can't be about just food, I have to figure out something else, as well... I don't really know what else herons like, though. Nesting materials, I suppose. I guess I can start carrying fronds and reeds with me...?
As for the Ephian Games... Meadow won. Again. Someone really should start training to challenge her, properly! A little boy was so excited to see the games, but in the end, he was kind of lukewarm about it all, and only really liked Bruno and Drin's performances... I don't really blame him! It is kind of dull when the same people keep winning... The Ephian Games need a dark horse! Or a dark camel...? Anyhow, someone really surprising should win! Someone with a lot of pep and pluck! Like, say... Martin...? I mean, that'd be really surprising, at least!
Hziran 11th, IY 7788
One of the new Balladeer students, Niranye, is studying art history! I think that just basically means that you take a look at what people painted in one period of time, and compare it with another period... Which sounds interesting enough! Certainly far more intriguing than the history of jurisprudence, or the history of mathematics, the latter of which is probably stuff like, I don't know, "oh, the number eight was discovered in this old fogey's cupboard while he was hard at work wasting his life away, during the Math Wars of 7777". Anyhow, I can't wait to read her... thesis? The Balladeers do theses, right? I'll read whatever it is...
The Banda keep offering me contracts at the worst possible times... I can't even enjoy a nice conversation with Narwen, or simply go to sleep, without them pestering me about one! That's bad business practise! Why would I sign a contract with some random arse who interrupts my conversations?! That just means that there's a good chance that if I hired them as my bodyguard, they'd keep doing that, unless the contract had a "no interruptions" clause, which probably costs extra...
Anyhow, I went along on yet another archaeological trek... With Alejandro, Badger, Elias, Meadow and Narwen! We found a haunted forge! There were a gaggle of ghosts, and a throng of those terracottas! I'd rather have found panna cotta! Anyhow, after we exorcised the place in a most violent fashion, a bountiful trove of gold appeared! Everyone was saying that it was cursed gold, though, so we didn't take any... Some Lily Leaguers say that all gold is cursed, so, in their eyes that treasure would've been just business as usual...?
Yet another auction, and yet another distinct dearth of a kettle! I'll never find a new one if this keeps up! Anyhow, I did buy some stuff... I bought a private history lesson from Alejandro! I am going to ask about the historical love, of course! I also bought that Writ of Mercy... Couldn't have that thing reaching the grubby paws of some folk! Would've been especially disastrous if it reached certain people... What a horrendous idea! Anyhow, I gave most of my savings to the fundraiser... I just want folk to have homes, and I'm not sure if I can help with that through anything else than a Lot of Money... Maybe rapacious scallywags will leave me alone, now, because I have less money than the average caravaneer...? I certainly hope so! I want my money to go to folk that actually need it, rather than dinguses that already have too much of it!
As for the purchases of others, Alejandro basically bought a trip as a gift for Elias! Usually, gifts of that nature come later in the relationship... They're moving through the stages pretty quickly! As for me and Pirouz... It's not looking good, he basically gets those letters every day now. He keeps saying that he isn't going to go back home, but just by looking at his expression while he says that... I can tell that there's no guarantees, whatsoever... It's horrid. If he ends up leaving, I'm not sure if I'm going to meet anyone like him, ever again... I'll probably end up going back to my old habits. Oh, and I really don't want to sound like a jealous bitch! I am happy for Alejandro and Elias! It's just that I wish I could be happy, too, for once in my life...
Also... Why's Oro in the League of White, now...?
Hziran 12th, IY 7788
Yesterday mostly revolved around Alejandro, Martin and the Big Heron! First of all, Alejandro thinks that I have a tendency to see pairs of people closer than they actually are... Which is complete nonsense! I absolutely don't! I saw a sparkle between him and Domhnall, and it turned out to be true, though in the end it was more like a gleam on a bone that's being fought over by two rabid dogs, who both want the same thing, but can't agree on how to get it, or even on sharing it, so... Yet it was still love! Horrible, ill-advised, agonizing love, yes, but love nonetheless!
I just realized that this analogy is rather insulting to Alejandro! I guess it's more like a most presentable pooch, being strangely allured by a mad mutt, and... Do bones even shine? I don't even know, I'm way too busy to come up with actually good analogies, and the damn dogs outside keep barking so loudly that I can't think about anything else!
Anyhow, later on... He was assaulted by bandits! They nearly killed him! Those grisly gangsters should face the full extent of the law... Which, here, is the edge of an axe! I do wish we had proper prisons, but some folk here are so crazy that I'm not sure if they can be rehabilitated! Which most prisons don't try to do, anyhow!
I am, of course, very glad that Alejandro was safe, in the end... It also meant that he could tell his tale about Feydsiyyar! Now, Feydsiyyar was so full of love... Where some folk swing both ways, Feydsiyyar swung to them so mightily that the very barriers of love shook! His first love, a most beautiful beau, sung such a stunning song, that Feydsiyyar's towerly prison was lowered to the very ground, granting him the freedom to love and yearn! Yet, in the end, the bard wasn't good enough for the picky bastard, because Feydsiyyar had a ton of lovers, afterwards! If someone's alluring aria lowered an entire tower for me, I'd stay with them for at least a year! Maybe only a month, if they were really annoying otherwise...────────────────────
Later in the day... Martin had somehow managed to get assigned to transporting some of the district funds! And, in his usual fashion, he tripped about a dozen times during said transport, causing the box of a Lot of Money to fly towards the skies... The Big Heron saw this! It descended upon the box, and flew off with it! Somewhere after this, the box had shifted holders again... The Glaziers had it! Either they nabbed it from the Big Heron's nest, or the Big Heron just dropped it through their roof!
Aaisha and me found out about this when we were talking to our newest hire, Horton... Who, by the way, is actually competent, surprisingly enough, despite being hired through the fast track recruitment program! Anyhow, tracking the trail of the money required a lot of detective work, along with bribery! Of course, the Glaziers first acted as if they didn't have the money, and then, when they could no longer deny it, they wanted a deal! The right for the laborers of the new district to join the union, and to bargain collectively, in exchange for returning the money... Akna took the deal.
Now, I know Hortsby is more corrupt than Jamileh's imagination, but I still think that there's some good in this... A corrupt union is better than no union at all! I have to act as if I'm disappointed, though... I think? Some other Purples hate unions, anyhow. Aaisha does. I think I should just go "mm" and nod along when she rants about it... Then again, I do that a lot, anyhow, because I don't really understand politics!
Anyhow, the money was returned, and Martin's on toothbrush duty, now. Cleaning the Pyramid with his toothbrush, that is. I do hope that he remembers to wash it properly afterwards... But I also know that he won't, and so, his teeth will be stained with centuries old dust! That's so gross!
How can I stop the Big Heron from doing such things...? Can such a thing even be accomplished...? There must be a heron expert that I can consult! One that knows about particularly humongous herons!
Hziran 13th, IY 7788
What type of milk is Frostport milk? Athelia knows, yet she won't reveal the secret! These milk secrets have been guarded for centuries... Which is to say that I don't usually visit whatever farms they have there, and I have no idea myself, besides a hunch that they have some of those really fluffy cows, that are also especially cute! Probably those incredibly shaggy goats, too... Anyhow, milk is an important part of a Scribe's work kit, especially when someone like Marcellus is in office... I'll have to tell the new Scribes about that, actually!
There's yet another new Nadiri, and she's kind of weird. Which isn't a surprise, because for every Zol Nur, there's about a ten Xons. In the past, this was quite a literal thing. Anyhow... She's a lot like Azimi, in that she's easily bored, she's obsessed with the ladies, and she makes strange sounds when she's irritated! However, instead of pixie dust, or whatever it was that Azimi huffed in her ostentatious youth to become like she is, this Nadiri huffed a lot of book dust instead, which gave her a lust for knowledge! ....It's just that the knowledge seems to mostly revolve around ladies. I don't really get it.
Why are they called sapphiric ladies here, anyhow? Back home we just called them lesbians. I don't know what sapphires have to do with ladies liking ladies, either! It's not like it's a particularly flamboyant bijou... A rogue stone, now that's decidedly chichi, yet I don't think "roguestonic" sounds good at all! Anyhow, this lady insisted that she's not sapphiric, and that she hates sapphires, and the color blue. So, being a Nadiri obsessed with ladies, she's in denial about a lot of things!────────────────────
Now, while this lady was asking a throng of questions about other ladies, some spiders swarmed the Office of Announcements, driving poor Kulam right out of there! There was about a badjillion gadjillion of them! Which is to say there were about a dozen, but even that is too many spiders to have in an office environment. Apparently this meant something to Zol Nur and the others, because they set on an expedition to the gutters!
When they came back, they had this tiny little crab man in chains! They took it to the Tower! The tiny little crab man had tiny little pants, and tiny little pincers. I don't know what tiny little crab men have to do with spiders, and I certainly did not know that they wear tiny little pants. What didn't surprise me in the least, was the fact that it was an utterly disgusting creature, because crabhood and manhood don't mix well! I guess the Astronomers are going to study how this unholy union between man and crab came to be...? They should make sure that it never happens again! Tiny little pants should be spared for brownies, and such, if they still exist, which I'm kind of leaning towards "yes" on, because the world could not be so cruel...
Elias' thesis is so grand, and I really like him, so I want to help him as much as I can! So, whatever spare flowers or plants or mushrooms I can find, I'm going to give to him! As much as I'd like to keep the flowers to myself, but, I've learned an important lesson about the importance of sharing... Or something. Anyhow, I told him about the funny little dancing mushroom that Alejandro and I met in the past, and he seemed really interested! And not just because that tiny feller was a most talented dancer... Sandcaps are curious creatures! I'd love to know more about them, so, I do hope Elias studies them, even if just a little!
Anyhow... Does jazz'eel attract spiders? I'm betting on "absolutely fucking not"! Those groovy hepcats only attract the swankiest of music aficionados... Like me!
Hziran 14th, IY 7788
Yesterday, the aspectral energies were most favorable... I managed to get both Athelia's favored aspect on her cape, and Alejandro's, on his boots! My theory is that if you're full of pep and pluck, the aspectral energies will begin behaving accordingly, and be allured by your positive attitude! So, if you really, really, really like the aspect of the Dervish in a most genuine way, just as an example, then that aspect will heed your call! Since aspectral energies seem to correspond to collective concepts, thoughts, personas... Fables and such... I have another theory! If you're positive enough, they can be transformed! So, the aspect of the "Foolish" could metamorphize into the "Lucky Fool", if you simply view its qualities positively enough!
I won't be presenting my theory to anyone, though, because academic folk are mean snobs and they'd just laugh at me...
Ashley gave me a transmogrifying potion! It turned me into a fairy! It was absolutely fabulous! And of course, the question on every dickweed's lips was if I already wasn't one... I can't even enjoy being a tiny, flying bundle of joy without someone attempting to humiliate me! I considered flying away, but the spell was very short in duration, so... No such luck. Now that I know how it feels to fly, I think I understand the Big Heron a little better. I think. Vaguely.
Narwen has very strong opinions about falafel... She got so mad when I told her that I like cold falafels! I think a true falafel aficionado enjoys their falafels, no matter the degree of heat! And I mean... I don't like hot salads, and falafels are a fabulous addition to any salad, so... Now I can't bring a handy snack with me to the Spring's birthday, because Narwen banned cold falafels from there. I think I'll just bring an egg salad, then... or a huge bowl of muhammara!────────────────────
Alejandro gave me a lecture on love! Historical love! There's a lot of juicy drama to be found in the past... some of it really surprising! A depressing recurrence that I noticed was that people were really scared of the largest of loves, so, a bunch of princes, caliphs and such had to hide the fact that they preferred manly company! Love should be allowed to bloom... Such prudes are simply jealous that they can never truly know the connection that only two beautiful beaus can share!
Anyhow, the most surprising thing... Alejandro gave me a kiss! It was a brotherly kiss! On my head! But still, I'm not used to such things, I still don't like shaking people's hands, because it feels uncomfortable, especially with women, and sometimes, when I hug a guy, I think that they're going to want something else too, because most of the men I've known in my life have been real sleazebags, and it's awful... Love is so multifaceted, and intimacy between friends is so difficult for me, sometimes...
Do I really have to get serious with Pirouz...? Maybe I'm now allowing myself to be hurt, but can't I just have something that's between casual and serious...? I think right now I need that more than I need a tempestuous deluge of emotion...
Hziran 15th, IY 7788
What an awful day... I was hard at work at the office, trying to take a nap, when suddenly, there was a bellow about Zain being murdered! I ran to the Plaza, which was absolutely full of people, and I saw Zain's maimed form, and I felt so weak, I felt so awful, I felt like I had the weight of the entire Disc on my shoulders, yet, then, I heard his voice, and he was still talking, and people were saying that Xon gave his life to save him...
And I burst into tears, because I knew that Xon was never coming back. I don't really understand what happened to him, but I suppose I never really understood death to begin with, so...
I am glad, I am so, so, so glad to see Zain all right... Yet I am burdened with more worry, because he's behaving so strangely now, he smiled, and he blushed, he never did either, and he actually wanted to have dinner with me... He's still Zain, but it's like some layer that was hidden deep beneath was brought to the fore, somehow.
I am not certain at all why anyone would want to hurt Zain. Yet I suppose that is simply how some people are, here... They simply want to hurt others, merely for the sake of doing it. There really isn't anything more to it, merely their defective minds directing them towards deeds that bring forth agony and pain, and nothing else.
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And now, some want to take Zain away... They say that it is unnatural for him to live. They merely focus on that, and not the gratuitous violence on display in the very centre of our home. Such is the state of things. Violence is to be accepted. It's just something that happens. Someone living, even if it is admittedly miraculous...? To be denied, to be viewed with suspicion...
I really wanted to yell at Elias. I think I'm going to avoid him for a while.
And will any retribution come from all this...? I feel like Qari will keep slithering into positions of power, clutching to whatever dinar he can get his disgusting claws on, merely for the sake of having it, all the while dimwits like al-Marain continue to be blind to the sheer incompetence that radiates forth from his viperous form... and these things will merely keep happening. All for the sake of greed.
I wrote a letter to Xon. I removed it from the folder. Looking upon it feels harrowing, considering why I wrote it...
I'll miss him so much.
A letter to Xon. Notes: Musk, white florals and yeast.
Dear Xon,
it is very likely that you are still being judged for your appearance. You should simply disregard such ignorance. As schmaltzy as it might be, remember that it is the inside that counts. Coming from someone as judgmental as me, it simply must be true.
You are Xon. You might be a lot of different things, at different times, but in the end, you are Xon, and you are a good person. They might call you insane, or strange. None of that matters. You genuinely strive to help people, no matter where they might come from. Even if it happens to be another dimension.
You deserve to be Apothar. Azimi, Mevura, Stern, Kreutz... all of them are, or were, far more insane than you could ever possibly be.
Thank you for all the bijoux. They brought both me and Tonka much joy. I hope that you too can find happiness in this life, as difficult as it might seem.
Bashir
Hziran 16th, IY 7788
Elias visited our offices to apologize... I forgave him. And I had to apologize too, because I didn't know that he was one of the people trying to save Zain, in the first place... He said that he considers me a friend...? I think I'd like that... Though, in the past, when some have claimed that so soon, actual friendship hasn't figured much into it... But he seems genuine enough. I'd be glad to have him for a friend...
I had a really long conversation with Akna... Mostly politics. Not really a topic I care for much in private, but it is obvious that she is stressed by much, so, I might as well listen so that she can let it all out... Politics are one of the sadder reasons to lose friends, yet I think licensure somehow manages to be even more of a depressing cause for such. I do wonder if Akna and me can stay friends after all this...?
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Otherwise I've been stuck in a malaise... Just trying to go through my routine, yet it feels so hollow. My mind keeps wandering to Xon, and to Zain, and I worry for him so much... Just this constant barrage of doubt, regarding if it could happen again, and why did it happen, in the first place, and if it could happen to me, too, or someone else I care about, even just some innocent that's caught in the middle of this insanity...
And nowhere feels safe, really. I've been attacked in public before, and it wasn't really taken that seriously... At this point, if I am killed, I think the sentence will just end up being a 500 dinar fine, because the advocate will be that Hilton woman, and the judge will somehow be Qari, again. And everyone will just immediately go back to doing boardwork afterwards, because most of the involved folk here don't mourn at all. It's sickening.
I voted. I got my sticker. It's a little thing. I wish I could focus on such... Just the little things, and none of this. I want to go to the Spring's birthday, but I do wonder if I will just bring down the mood, being like this...
Hziran 17th, IY 7788
At this point, my theory about the aspectral energies being influenced by emotion simply must be true... I chakra transferred the aspect of "Null" to Miranda's wand, and that was exactly what I was feeling.
However, the Spring's birthday managed to cheer me up... It was a truly joyous occasion. We were surrounded by the most quaint aroma of incense, and both the food and drink were simply delicious... Spicy, just like I like it. Everyone got garlands on their head, too... I gave mine to Tonka, once I got home.
A lot of tales... I loved all of them. Narwen sang about how the Spring and the newborn came to be... I've heard it before, but not in the form of a song. Kind of made me think about it differently... How many things are born from a wish...? Alejandro's tale was about farting... Well, it was actually about the fragility of love, but, I mostly just remember the farting. It was really funny! Farts can bring people together... And Richo's tale about Little Luca, and the big ol' meat pie, was simply precious! I could listen to a hundred more stories about her!
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Yet, after such joyous occasions, one has to return to their labor. And so, we set out on the mission that we had talked about a week before. The missing caravan from the Spring... I felt like I had to help, too, so I went along. And while I was able to help, I do wonder if I shouldn't have gone, in the end... Slavers. Hundred Princes. They took those poor newborn, and slaughtered them, all for the sake of some fucked up experiment... It is simply awful. Yet not a single one of those malignant slavers breathes today, nor does their fortress remain... So. Retribution. I wish such happened to all slavers...
Narwen's mad at us, though. Mad at me. But things like this have to be handledquietly. The caravan's route was secret. The Well catches wind of such an event, and suddenly everyone knows the route. So, we didn't tell anyone. I do wish that I could've told her, but we did promise Quendi... I do understand if she doesn't want to talk to me, anymore. It is, in effect, upholding the trust of one, while breaking another's. Yet the elves of the Gift must have their secrets... Sometimes they simply must be kept from their wayward siblings, as well.
Anyhow, Hypatia said something about Martin liking whips...? I don't know how to feel about that. Sounds like utter nonsense!
Hziran 18th, IY 7788
The bastard who hurt Zain is dead. I won't shed a single tear. I hope that his employer chokes on some barleycake, or whatever fucked up garbage it is that he eats for breakfast, now.
Capturing the assassin was an utter mess... I do wish that people would actually organize before setting forth on such missions. I've no real idea why there were two different taskforces, when the second didn't even accomplish much beyond making the diplomatic situation worse. Paying a hundred thousand to a den of pirates...? I seriously hope we won't end up doing that... When it comes to such negotiations, I am not sure where to start the bidding at from our side, however, when the initial bid is outrageous by design.
In fact, I don't even know if I'm cut out for this Vizier business... Maybe the very first assignment of note will end up getting me fired in a most embarassing fashion.
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The election is simply apathetic... Nobody seems to care much. I don't even know who I want to win, really. Marcellus is experienced, yet his tendency for sundowning and daydreaming up situations that didn't happen makes our work much harder, never mind the risks it poses for any serious diplomacy... He might dream up that the Vizier of Kha'esh summoned a giant apple pie to feed the whole Disc, for instance, and then be terribly confused when everyone's still hungry.
As for Akna... She has had a tendency to fold, in the past, and she is far more inexperienced, but at least she is becoming more informed of the political and material realities surrounding her... And there is at least a chance that she'd improve conditions for our labor force. And I mean, she hasn't forgotten to invite me to any parties, or beach vacations. There's that too. That's a big difference, actually...
And why's Martin sleeping in the rafters, again...? How many times do I have to tell him to stop doing that? It's just weird. And he is going to fall on someone at some point. That's pretty much guaranteed!
Hziran 19th, IY 7788
Aurelio gave me a butterfly... It's a really pretty one! I think it's from Hufaidh... A lot of memories there. Tonka loves the butterfly, just as much as I do! Her eyes keep following it all over! She very much lacks the hunter's insticts, still... I don't think I've seen her hunt anything at all. It's weird. Anyhow... Either Aurelio was drunk enough to forget that I'm a guy, or there's a side to him that I never really noticed...
I'm not sure if I like keeping such a beautiful creature inside a container... Or any creature, really. I think I'll just release it to the Terrace, next time I visit!
I get a lot of strange questions because of this job! This time, someone asked me about pooping. As in, where do people poop? I mean... The lavatories...? Admittedly, we don't have many, and they aren't that fancy, but they're still there. Apparently caravaneers do it out in the dunes. And now I've thought about this enough to last an entire year. We should appoint a Sewage Scribe! Mostly so that I don't have to lower myself to think about such disgusting things...
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For a moment, it appeared as if Alejandro was dying of excess curiosity, and only orbing could save him, but in the end, it turned out that he was merely acting... That's so mean! Now, if he actually has a curiosity related incident, and he actually requires some orbing, I just might hesitate long enough that he might get permanent brain damage! Or something. I'm not a physician. My doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, is one, of course, and she says that permanent brain damage is the worst type of permanent bodily harm.
Hazezon held the race for his vote again. Gedwyr won! Somehow, it was just him and Horton, in the end. I suppose Horton has some surprising talents...? Like almost winning strange competitions organized by overly competitive guys whose employment status is extremely vague so you kind of just wonder where they're getting their money from... Granted, that is an extremely specific talent!
Marcellus is Legate again... Which means that my shopping list will have a lot more milk on it than usual!
Hziran 20th, IY 7788
Something weird was going on, yesterday! The wind was particularly cold, and it kept going through the Krak... I think somebody left a window open. Or a big ol' door! I suppose it would've been a nice change if it wasn't so eerie... Also, my uniform got stuck in something, and I tore a hole in it, so I had to spend some of my drink break on mending it. Which is fine, since I love mending things!
And I guess that wind might've signified the coming of the orcs... Maybe? Anyhow, they came and gave the invitation that there's been some talk of. Sooner than I thought... Still not too much of a surprise. The Clans are planning some kind of a celebration...? A feast? They brought this absolutely disgusting banner that depicted Marcellus and Iakmes eating Diakos! It was so gross! Now, I'm pretty sure that it's just symbolic, but everyone else seems to think that we're actually going to be eating Diakos...
This is why I avoid symbolism in my books! Everyone's so literal here!
Anyhow, all Ephians, the "people of the Heron" as the Clans call us, are invited to that... battle... feast, whatever it is. I'm not sure if I have to attend...? It'll probably be a horrid bloodbath, and that's not really my forte. My expertise is in... foreign relations... that don't involve bloodshed... or me directly talking to any dignitaries of note... preferably just stand there and make notes of their traits and quirks... Yeah, I think I might be terrible at my job!
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We were talking about all this at the Temple of Izdu, and... apparently Martin sleeps in Marcellus' bedroom...? Well, he did it this time, I'm not sure if he's done it before. He probably has. It's Martin. He does stuff like that. It should also be noted that he slept under Marcellus' bed. He also called Marcellus "dad" again! Which he really should stop, before those rumors start spreading again! Squashing rumors is difficult work, especially when they're absolutely, completely, definitely false! There is categorically no chance whatsoever that Marcellus is Martin's papa!
Probably...?
What else...? Oh, right. Nasreen and me had a really long conversation with Narwen... I really hope that she believed me. I think a lot of people assume that I lie about things because of my job... Which, granted, I occasionally do, but only occasionally, and even then, it's because there's countless lives at stake, or something like that... This time, I wasn't lying though! I don't want to lose Narwen as a friend... Especially when I was just trying to help... Why can't things ever be easy...?
Hziran 21st, IY 7788
Zol Nur has prepared a beach vacation for me! Well, for me, and Alejandro, and Athelia, and Narwen, and Richo, and Zol Nur himself! I can't wait! However, Alejandro and Zol Nur are looking for swim trunks... I only have briefs! And some far more revealing options that are not suitable for such company... I guess I have to go shopping...? I don't want to be uncouth!
At the Assembly, Nasreen demanded that Qadira pay reparations for hosting dangerous criminals, and insulting Ephia's Well! Ambassador Rejavi hated that! She took it for a declaration of war, and left... Wars can be fought in many ways, and since they really just have a navy of corsairs and pirates, I guess they're going to try and starve us...? Which Alkab won't like! If they find out... Should send a missive, I suppose...
Anyhow, Pook Ulbo is so loyal to Marcellus, that he was ready to load his magic carpet full up of balefire and fly it straight into Qadira! I don't think we're going to do that. He's been renting that carpet for so long, that he owes the rental company almost a hundred thousand dinar! Also, they are holding his wife hostage.
I don't think I'd be ready to give my spouse up for Marcellus... More of an obsession than loyalty, at that point, really.
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Anyhow, Martin gave his keys to the Temple of Izdu to Rejavi... For some reason. I'm not going to ask why, because Martin acts completely arbitrarily, much like dogs and ghosts. There was an investigation, but I don't think the Ambassador did anything... yet.
Then, later, Martin also revealed that a hidden hatch was hidden below Marcellus' bed, at the Temple... He had hidden 153 or 156 cursed togas there! The Toga Crone gave them to him! Now, these togas are most fashionable, but the Toga Crone really should be more careful with her gifts, because nobody wants to be cursed. Especially not Martin, who already is. The togas probably didn't help him any... Now Martin is cursed at least two hundred times!
Much like academics, crones have to specialize in something really specific, because cronery is a much contested professional field! Togas are a fine choice... Pity that cronery also involves cursery. Also, I learned that crones are scared of jazz'eel. Which is useful information in case the Well is invaded by crones, eventually...
Amidst these revelations, one of the longest standing mysteries of Ephia's Well was finally solved... The Mystery of Marcellus' Gun! Martin gave it to Squeev! Squeev shot someone. Probably just to watch them die. But in a heroic fashion. Because the someone Squeev shot was most likely some unscrupulous mountebank, due to Squeev being a real stand-up guy. For a drug dealer.
Martin can be such a nuisance, even if he means well... most of the time. However, the fates are not so cruel as to attach some poor soul to him for all of eternity... Martin will never have a spouse! He doesn't like guys, or the ladies! Some folk are like that, and that's just fine... Love doesn't have to be romantic! Even though that's the absolute best kind of love! And I can't really fathom how anyone could live such a life... But I won't judge!
Not too much, anyhow...
Anyhow, I guess Martin might have a flatmate, at some point?
I feel so sorry for them, already...
Wait, that's just Marcellus, at this point!
Hziran 22nd, IY 7788
This Mr. Beaumont keeps giving away confections and pastries as gifts, but I heard that he makes all of it out of worms! I'm not eating a baba au rhum if it's made with worms! He'd probably make the rum out of worms, too, somehow! Anyhow, he has a bunch of big plans. Too big? It was all really theoretical, and I'm not sure if any of it can work in practise, especially because some of it involved the gutters, and there's about a hundred different threats down there every week!
al-Marain's law is gone, now! Everybody's kind of blaming Akna for it, though. Which is just political profiteering, because she's actually here as a convenient scapegoat and al-Marain is... I don't really know where he is, or what he is doing. Probably blessing Qadiran cannonballs, or something. I do wish Legates would consult Scribes before passing legislature... Could at least phrase them in an understandable fashion, through that!
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Nasreen joked about fooling the orcs into a marriage ceremony... A marriage ceremony between Marcellus and Iakmes! What a horrific mental image... Even now, I have to do my best not to imagine it! But I have to! Ag'kal will roar "with this axe, I thee wed as man and orc", and then he'll throw the axe at some random crowd member's head, and then Marcellus will forget where he is, and ask if Zaniah paid the reparations to Kha'esh already, and Iakmes will put his hands on his tummy and let out a hearty guffaw, and yell "that's why I love you, baby", and then he'll kiss Marcellus...
It's horrific!
Anyhow, thanks to Martin's tailor token, which, by the way, was utterly disgusting because it was covered in sausage roll crumbs... Anyhow, thanks to the token, I have a most fashionable toga now! It's pink. Well, it's more of a rosé pink. A pink rosé. If the rosé had some burgundy mixed in it. I mean to say that it's a really red pink... Amaranth? Yeah, I think it's an amaranth. I look absolutely fabulous in it! What a pity that I'll probably only get to wear it once a month or so...
I should renegotiate my contract and get a clause that allows me to wear whatever I want!
Hziran 23rd, IY 7788
Alejandro's book handles a lot of ancient history... Some of the people involved I've just about completely forgotten about! I suppose that's bound to happen to some... Kind of sad, really. But some folk probably don't even care about being remembered... Anyhow, I do hope that Lily Historian actually pays a Lot of Money to Alejandro. It'd be simply terrible if it turned out that she's completely broke!
I don't understand anything about the Shade! Seems like the assortment of materials that go into maintaining or expanding it have absolutely nothing to do with each other! I'm half expecting them to start asking for... beets... when they get a new Apothar, simply because that Apothar will be really fond of beets, and see a chance to get them through state funding!
Oh, and turns out that Vico killed that Nadiri that disappeared weeks ago... Nobody told me anything about that! I guess I'm going to keep a few secrets of my own, then... Which I was already doing. So, I'm just going to keep more of them!
Also, what really goes into brews...? Meadow hinted that the secret to some of them might be truly disgusting! Thankfully, I don't really buy them much, anyhow, but when I do, I'm going to be highly suspicious in the future... I knew that it couldn't be just magick and water!
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Domergue's back...? It's so weird. She's surprisingly resilient for her age, I suppose. Going into the middle of an ash storm, drunk off her arse, and coming back after a few months, none the worse for wear... Anyhow, all of the sapphiric ladies in the Well had a party at the Krak...? I'm not sure if it was just to celebrate Domergue coming back. Those parties sound awful. Everyone's dated each other, and their breakup wasn't on good terms, so, a dramatic brawl might break out at any moment... And then you have a boozehound like Domergue present, who just might drink all of the wine by herself... All of it!
Anyhow... everyone loves my new toga! I got dozens of compliments! It's so grand... I think I might wear it during lunch hour...? But maybe it's too fancy for that. Maybe when I eat fancier salads?
Also... where are these guys getting these shirts that reveal their massive pecs for everyone to gawk at?! It keeps happening! It's so distracting!
Hziran 24th, IY 7788
That damned feast... I wasn't going to go, because everyone was saying that I shouldn't, because it'd be a bloodbath, and it was! I was just conversing in the Plaza, and then the Big Heron swooped down, and grabbed me, and dropped me right into the middle of Nusrum! I don't know what that blasted bird wants! I think that some birds teach their young how to hunt like that, but I don't want to hunt orcs, or anything at all, I just want to stay home and read my novelettes... Well, I don't mean the ones I wrote, but the ones I bought... The latest one I got is about a masseuse who solves crimes, because his magic touch, which is actually magical, gets his criminal clients to spill the beans...
Anyhow, the feast of war was held at this big ol' ruin, with a big ol' throne. I think some colossi lived there, and taught the younger peoples from atop its throne, or something. And it was an actual feast! I actually liked the food a lot! Especially the quail. It was absolutely delicious! While we were eating, more and more orcs kept coming in... Then Iakmes wanted to speak with Marcellus, and so he did, and Iakmes even hugged him and it was kind of awkward because Iakmes is really big and Marcellus is the size of an average human which isn't that big but I guess he's still much taller than me...
Marcellus has strange habits, sometimes! He turned his back to Iakmes! Not only is that a faux pas, it's kind of... a really dangerous thing to do to someone like that...
Anyhow, Iakmes wanted Marcellus to form groups of warriors, to take part in some ceremonial fights, and so he did... The first two groups made sense. The third group, on the other hand, didn't make any. It was a bunch of random folk, most of whom I had never seen before, and then there was one of the Creep murderers...? It was so weird! Oh, yeah. Atticus was there, too! The Bum Knight!
Oh. I guess Knight Vagabond is a better title, because it has no questionable connotations... Not too many, anyhow...
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Anyhow, then the orcs made our warriors dress up as lizards for the first two matches, and as orcs, for the third match... The matches were basically just re-enactments of ancient orcan history. Basically some really tragic events from their past, all of them involving warfare. And... the battles were so horrifying...
Especially the third one! The orcs had imprisoned a big ol' dragon, and that group of mostly strangers wasn't doing so hot, and even Iakmes wasn't feeling too good about it, so, he allowed the rest of the Well to assist, so, a bunch of people jumped down into the pit, including Marcellus, despite me and Mevura's protests! At first, he was at least doing smart stuff, like healing folk, but at one point, he was trying to smack the dragon with his tiny sceptre... That didn't do anything at all! Yet, in the end, the foul, acid breathing dragon was slain...
But the aftermath was so horrible... Kroggnought and Elyse are dead... Kroggnought was so brave, and so strong, and now he's gone, and I'll never see him learning to read, I was going to suggest so many books to him... And Elyse, she was so nice, and I wish I could've spoken with her more... And I feel terrible, because I couldn't help them at all, against that dragon... If such strong warriors and magi could barely pierce that big ol' lizard's hide, what could the pitiful shots from my sling do...? I wish I could've done something...
Now, we're at war... Actually at war... Not just some random jaunts to Nusrum. Actual, horrific war. They're slaughtering refugees, setting fire to caravans, leaving nothing but destruction in their wake... It's all awful. I don't know how we'll manage to survive this... These orcs seem endless, and Iakmes has such powerful magicks on his side. That mysterious trio that appeared seemed to be quite peeved with him, though. Maybe they could help, somehow...? Probably not. Nobody really gives a shit about Ephia's Well!
An unsent, perfume-clad letter to Kroggnought. Notes: just musk, and nothing else.
Kroggnought,
I know that you are still learning how to read and write. It is very difficult hard. Ask Samton to help you read this if it is too much. Maybe thinking about these questions will help, too!
How are you?
Do you like your new job?
What is your favorite color?
What is your favorite food?
How did you get so strong?
Martin says "hi"!
Bashir
Hziran 25th, IY 7788
There's a drunk clown, now...? An inebriated jester...? Drunko the Clown? Apparently there's a clear distinction between clowns and jesters. They go to different schools, and everything. Well, according to the boozer, it's the same building, but they study different stuff. Clown College sounds real hard... And they really slather on that makeup, really! Both of them! Subtlety is the key to makeup, not such excess... But I suppose the purpose differs. Anyhow... there's also harlequins, and that's where it gets even more confusing! Who can really tell the difference...?
The War Assembly was a curious affair! The Majordomo was there, and presented words from the Sultan, regarding the war... We're not getting direct military assistance from Baz'eel, but we are getting funding. A lot of it. But I'm pretty sure there's plenty of clauses to that promise... They also want that Warmaster appointed. Again. That kind of fell through the cracks at some point. A lot of things do. Despite my reminders! I should just write a big ol' list with "DO THESE THINGS" written in really big letters at the top, and adhere it to the Legates' desks.
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Of course, since nobody can really agree on anything here, people immediately started bickering about everything. Especially that Warmaster's position... Aurelio and Mirielle want it. Mirielle called herself "diplomatic". Thankfully there were no lexicographers within hearing range, because they would've had a heart attack! The Warmaster should be someone responsible, instead of someone who'll send people on suicide missions out of sheer spite...
I also had to write a letter to Alkab. I'm not sure if it will reach them...? Or if they'll even read it? I hope that they do... I'm not sure what assistance they could give, beyond more crops. I suppose those ancient magicks could help, somehow...? Maybe. They also wanted Akna to work diplomacy with Frostport... because... she's from a cold place...? That's such an offensive reason! Her culture is completely different! Her tenure as Legate should've been the deciding factor, there!
The reason for Aaisha's prospective assignment was even weirder! Old people have such strange ideas!
Hziran 26th, IY 7788
I had just handed a document to Alejandro at the Ambassador's Rest, when Samton started shaking the curtains! The shaking was so vigorous, that it was audible! Swoosh swoosh swoosh went the curtains, and then he asked if we wanted to toss some dice... Then Martin came in, and told us that someone had licked him!
It was the Phantom Licker! They had been most disrespectful of Martin's boundaries, and had told him that he had "the flavor"! I don't know which flavor that is. Probably sausage rolls. Or cursed despair. I don't want to think about that anymore. Later, Martin said that it was a multicolored gremlin that did it, which seemed to refer to Peepo the Clown... She did admit to it, too! But... for some reason, I have this hunch, that there were actually two Phantom Lickers! It is just strange enough for the Well!
After all that gross lickery business, we finally got down to that dice game... Samton told Zol Nur to make a circle... and so he did! That magickal circle of the stars! Which was really pretty, and made me mauve. I like being mauve. Not too often, though. A little mauveness goes a long way. However, the dice game was soon interrupted, because Martin was about to burn some letters to Marcellus, which I had to promptly save...
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They were all from that boy who's obsessed with Marcellus! No, not Pook Ulbo. The other boy. The actual little boy, not the man with the mind of one. The boy who puked or something when he finally met the Purple Wanderer... I gave the letters to Marcellus! He has a lot to read, now. There's a war ongoing, but I think it's a good idea to read something light, like letters from tiny little fans. He probably drew a bunch of cute pictures of Marcellus wandering around the gutters, but I didn't read the letters, because I respect the Scribe-Letter Writer Confidentiality!
I really wanted to see the cute drawings, though!
Anyhow, that dice game was fun... Alejandro won. Usually I win, because of my wondrous luck! Oh well, I did come in second place... Not that it matters much for dice games. Unless there's a prize for the second placee. Which there wasn't. Beyond the good cheer shared by each and every tosser! Dice tosser.
Who will the Warmaster end up being...? I hope that we find out today!
Hziran 27th, IY 7788
A surprising amount of people seem to have a twin! Even Lightdew has one. She just has raven black hair! They were chasing each other around the Pyramid... Well, it was really just Lightdew chasing after her. They must've not met each other in ages! Which, for elves, can be very literal. Also, this geezer, who's really into shanking knives, had his grandson pop up, who then proceeded to talk about honor. Sometimes family reconnect in the strangest of ways...
A ton of smoke about the Plaza... I think Elossi got a shipment of some especially potent mizzar, and everyone was really getting into it. That's where we went to take a look, anyhow... And then, Owain visited us! Even he wanted to get zooted! So, Horton gave him some pocket change, and the two proceeded to smoke it all up. They were getting along really well, too, discussing monkey philosophy, which Horton knows a lot about, for some reason... Then Owain fell asleep. That tiny monkey can't handle that much mizzar! For the rest of the day, he was having monkey dreams...
What's going on with Marcellus' health...? He was feeling woozy, and then he stumbled to the floor, and was unconscious for about an hour or so, and when he woke up, he was crying, and told us that he had had a vision, and the vision was horrifying, and then, somehow, Hu Prak returned, knocking at Marcellus' door, and told him that it was time to go... Time to go to the mysterious, manly Lodge, full of sweaty, muscular men, who worship the Axe by doing a hundred push-ups and pull-ups every single day!
I didn't get to go. I'm kind of angry about that... But I also understand. So, it's an understanding sort of anger.
I really wanted to see that damn lodge, though! It's not like you get the chance to go to a lodge full of strapping lads every single day... Well, there was that one month in Mirabar...
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Zain showed me his tapestries! They're for some sort of art event... They were so gorgeous! One showcased the hustle and bustle of Ephia's Well, and it even featured me and Alejandro on it! It made me so happy to see that... The second was about the Astronomers, and it revealed a lot about what he thinks about his colleagues... Had a real warmth to it. Azimi looked really creepy on it, though! I wish I could have such tailoring talent, some day, but Zain's a genius, and I'm kind of not. Not just kind of. Not at all...
Anyhow, two new Junior Scribes... The guy I interviewed is a bit weird. Freshly awoken. I don't know what to think about him, really, other than that he's real peculiar, and his answers to the interview were some of the weirdest I've ever had! All I know about the other guy is that he sneezes a lot. Which is disgusting! I'm not handing him any important papers if he keeps that up!
Hziran 28th, IY 7788
I was sitting in the Plaza, waiting around for Marcellus, when a dozen Narwens ran past in an awful hurry! I wonder what that was all about...? I think that might be Narwen's secret... Her secret to such efficient fundraising! She's simply in twelve different places, all at once!
And what a long wait it was... Margarine even took me to the Tower, to look at Zains third, secret tapestry. It was... gloomy. I do wish he would speak of such things with me, openly, but he doesn't really have a tendency to do that. Especially not with me, I suppose... I'm kind of undependable, in the eyes of some...
Which is probably why I keep getting reassigned... And that seemed like a real possibility, again, yesterday. Mevura just casually talking about the position of the Vizier, as if I wasn't the same room... People do that a lot. Talk about me and my work, like I'm not even there... I don't know why. I think people here are a bit touched in the head. Well, that was obvious, but especially regarding social mores and such... Then again, that was also obvious. Anyhow, I just don't want to get tossed aside, again, after getting used to this... It's awful, and nobody ever seems to actually ask what I've been doing up until that point. They just leap into the work blindly and then a bunch of stupid shit happens because of that...
But I might be in the work for a while, at least. My fabulous toga is now officially my uniform for it! So, I want to keep the position even more...
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What else...? Oh, they were preparing another game of Pyramid, and I wanted to play so badly! And again, I had to wait, because these sapphiric ladies gossip even more than I do, somehow, and Margarine does weird stuff with magic, so, she set herself on fire while at the Priory and the flames were so hot and volatile that even Eclair was set ablaze, as well, and it was kind of dreadful, really...
Anyhow, in the end, we finally played it! This time, my secret strategy was going to be just collecting foreign aid, on each and every turn, but that didn't work, because it was immediately blocked by the Qari card... Also, Domergue lost immediately! Like, it took about three turns for her to be out of the game! That's a new record! And then, Hypatia lost, because she assassinated one of my Legates, and I assassinated one of hers in retaliation, but she thought it was a bluff, and if you accuse someone of bluffing falsely, your Legate dies, so, she lost two Legates in one go! She could've blocked the assassination, too, because she had a Marcellus! But she forgot. I think the Marcellus card has a hidden downside that makes you forget about stuff!
Then, Margarine just killed her Zaniah card by just revealing it to everyone? Which isn't a legitimate move in the game, it's just something she did on a whim! Then she killed her Sol Auk, too! What a weird game... Anyhow, I lost, and Naelin won, because I only had a dumb Zaniah card left, and I tried to exchange it for two Legates, but, even though it says two cards, you only get one card... The Zaniah card is terrible! At least in the highly specific situation that I found myself in!
Did I forget about something...? Oh, yeah. Colmes is the Warmaster, now! And then he interviewed me... I'm the War Diplomat, now! I need to come up with a better title for that... Anyhow, I am in charge of wartime diplomacy. Which I kind of was, anyhow, already. It's a lot of responsibility! I hope I can do a good job...
Hziran 29th, IY 7788
Being the War Diplomat – I really need to come up with a better title for this – is a curious affair... Building my cabinet has seemed much easier than gathering a list of people with interest in being part of the diplomatic entourages... Dervish Gilleni is a most trustworthy man, and a talented warrior, and I will certainly make use of his talents when I can... But then there are people like Peepo the Jester, who do seem rather earnest in wanting to help, but I am not certain what their place in all this could be. Vice-Chancellor Oruko might enjoy a jester, I suppose...?
During these talks, this young refugee from Il Modo somehow managed to grab his own butt with that magely hand spell... Which was just plain weird. Supposedly he came here because his parents wanted him to learn the mathematics, and he wanted to avoid his mother's slipper. Which she slapped him with, for not understanding the mathematics. His parents are quite oblivious of the war, apparently!
I was gifted a fez! It is the most beautiful, most wondrous, most fabulous fez, ever. Considering how tasteful it is, and considering how I was simply showered in praise for having it atop my luscious locks, I think it will go a long way in helping me look as presentable as possible during diplomatic talks! Now, of course, this all works if we're dealing with our more... regular... neighbors, but when it comes to some of the more peculiar ones, they simply might not care about fashion, at all! That list of communities to contact isn't getting much shorter after Kha'esh and Qadira... I wonder if we'll have to contact Pthsteka, or Yaxatan...?
Pthsteka kind of sounds like a place where birdfolk live. The name sort of sounds like a complex bird call... Pth-st-eka! Pth-st-eka! I want to meet birdfolk. I'm sure birdfolk would love my most tasteful fez!────────────────────
Jordan's old stool, the Second Seat's So-Called Second Seat, had been quite the nuisance! Nobody really wanted to sit in it. Especially not us Scribes. Stools are awful for taking notes. They're awful for acting as an advisor, in a respectable manner, too. So, Marcellus took out his newly acquired axe, and made kindling out of it! And it will be used for actual kindling. I told the custodial staff to deliver the remnants to the kindling storage. Which is a place Martin should be barred from, in an eternal fashion!
Some pepper merchant was at the Krak, acting all stressed... Apparently, Mevura had been bothering him? About pepper? I swear, if Mevura doesn't like pepper, then that's about the badjillionth gadjillionth annoying personality trait that he possesses... Especially if he hassles poor, innocent pepper merchants over his incapability to handle a little spiciness! Anyhow, he wanted me to write something that espoused the positive qualities of pepper to such an extent that twits will leave him alone... So, I did! However, I was so excited that I forgot to sign it! Which was so embarassing that I couldn't just do it after, I mean, who forgets their signature, especially in my line of work...? So, I just told him that it's the message that counts more, than who writes it. Which is actually true, at least in some cases, so, I wasn't really lying. I was just... improvising...?
Oh, and Nasreen can carry a couch, all by herself, like it's no thing at all! Moms are tough!
Hziran 30th, IY 7788
I'm not going to talk about my relationships to anyone else, ever again, everyone just mocks me, even Martin... I could marry someone, invite everyone, have an elaborate marriage ceremony, and most folk there would act like it didn't happen, because everyone in the Well has massive brain damage... Doesn't help that Pirouz hasn't been answering any of my letters. He probably fled the Well after the war was announced... And everyone will mock that too. "Oh, your completely imaginary boyfriend conveniently left, that's cute Bashir, I'm going to ignore the fact that it absolutely makes sense that a cowardly asshole would utterly disrespect your emotional needs, and leave you without saying anything at all during a bloody war, and I'm going to use this moment to torture you further, because I'm an utter piece of shit and my life is empty so I don't have anything better to do..." It's so cruel...
And this diplomacy stuff, it's so stressful too. But so far people say that I'm doing a good job... And because of how people treat me, I don't know if they're laughing behind my back... I have a lot of trust issues...
What's especially stressful... The fact that the Maharaja's son came to the Well, the immediate moment that the War Council was atop a fucking ash-sail. Couldn't meet with him, as much as I wanted... Thankfully Nebtu was there. She handled it well, too, I hear... I'll have to thank her. Yet as is Jimmy's way, he was there too, and insisted on following the Maharaja and his entourage around like a lonely child, desperate for attention. Kept yelling about stuff he doesn't understand, like usual. Utter nuisance...
I hope that I am actually able to meet this Prince, today... Problem is that I also heard that he's hot. So, I have to do my best to not let that distract me!────────────────────
Best think of lighter matters so that my head doesn't explode... Peepo lives in a box, apparently. Jesters can contort, so that probably isn't too bad. Saves a lot of money, too! Yet, I'm kind of worried... Supposedly some places in the Desert are full of mimics! Hopefully no mimic imitates Peepo's box home! I don't want her to get eaten!
What else...? There's a Mount Prism...? Supposedly...? It might just be a joke. I don't know. Half the stuff that's been happening lately has sounded like a joke, but has turned out to be the absolute truth, in the end. If Mount Prism does exist, then it's teeming with aspectral energies. It's also a real eyesore. Because prisms reflect sunlight. Or refract. Or diffract. I don't know. I don't really care, either. It's just a reflex, because everytime I talk about stuff like that, some Astronomer goes "well, Bashir, actually it's something different yet similar, and the difference is minimal, yet I'm going to explain this for at least a few hours, hey why are you walking away let me follow you and explain it in elaborate detail..."
I also saw Richo, for a change... He was walking around...? Because of... sausages. He was carrying a lot of them. For his... brain bugs...? He keeps finding these disgusting bug things everywhere he goes. It's really disturbing... Also, he told me that he nearly lost his arm bone, but he just... stuck one of these bug things to his arm, and the bone bug made him a new arm bone...? It's... it's really, really, really weird.
I met that pepper merchant, Mr. Pepper, again, and he told me a bunch of strange stuff, like how he prices his stuff, and it was confusing, because there was the mathematics involved, and I don't like that, and I tried counting, but Akna was much faster, and then I was even more confused, because apparently this guy is making pretty good money from this pepper yet the license is still too expensive for him, though Akna did say that he was selling his pepper at a tremendous loss...? I think he should try selling mustard, too. I like mustard.
Oh, and Narwen's painting me! It is easily the best news I got yesterday... probably the entire week... maybe the month... no, it's probably the best news for the entire year. I don't get a whole lot of good news... Narwen's such a fantastic friend! I wish I could paint her, but my painting is so amateurish...
Hziran 31st, IY 7788
Now I have to loan my house to this damn Prince... What an asshole! But what he doesn't know, he doesn't know! So far, diplomacy is requiring far too many sacrifices on my own part, and I'm not going to babysit some spoiled brat... What a way to make a living! If he doesn't actually do anything to help our food supply... then he isn't getting anything at all anymore. I don't care!
For a moment, we thought that Martin had lost the money, again... but he didn't! What was that all about...? Maybe sometimes, Martin's curse only manifests in an extremely temporary fashion... or something. It was really confusing! During a war, I do wish we could weaponize his curse, but there's no chance of that, because it would just turn against us in some fashion.────────────────────
Some call was made about orcan movement, and of course, Marcellus runs off to the caravan camp, immediately... and so did the Prince. Why? People around here sure love running into dangers they know nothing about! Myself, I only do it when it's a hole that's mysterious enough, and even then, I don't run, I jump, and only after I've untangled some of the mystery, because there absolutely can be too much of it!
Another tendency people have here... comparing nearly any activity to slavery. Working is slavery. Not working is slavery. Not getting paid enough for a board job to crash a goblin's birthday party is slavery. Having to sleep is slavery. Having to go inside when it's too hot and sunny is slavery. Someone telling you to eat more healthily is slavery. Someone telling you to not wear shoes full of vomit is slavery. It's so fucking irritating, and I can't really say anything about it, because then people start asking questions. And they usually do that endlessly...
I have to decide who my two remaining cabinet members will be! It's really difficult...
Tammuz 1st, IY 7788
The Qadiran affair is incredibly frustrating! This prick of a Prince has constant slips of the tongue, making his absurd demands sound at least somewhat conceivable, on some level. Perhaps he does so on purpose. His frustrations with Ephia's Well are understandable to some extent, yet the man does not seem to carry any respect for the Wheel, either, debasing both the Waters of the Mother, and the shrine in the Qadiran embassy. Absolutely abhorrent!
And for what we have already given him... which really is just me, in the end... we have nothing. And that will most likely continue, as I have nothing but doubt left, at this point. He probably won't sign anything. His father most likely doesn't even respect him on any level. I wouldn't be too surprised if he's just a wandering bastard, borne out of some syphilis-ridden affair, and the Banda's intel is just complete horseshit.
As much as I hated some things about being just a Scribe, at least it felt like I was doing a lot of different things. Lately it's felt like I have to constantly attend to this prick and his incessant mewling. At least my cabinet is full of capable people... They're probably better at this than I am, really. I wish I could just be a beautician, or a tailor...────────────────────
The day only really had only two joyful occasions, one of which was a surprising one... Zain is giving lessons on the usage of siege weaponry, and so, he taught me, Eclair and the new Soldier, Valerja, how to operate a catapult. Firing one is surprisingly simple, but what surprised me the most was how fun it was! Which is a troubling thing to admit, considering that it is a weapon of war. But it's such a fun one!
The second was a history lesson from Alejandro... Quite a lot of juicy morsels about orcan history. I already knew most of it, surprisingly enough, but I did still learn quite a lot of new things, as well... History is annoyingly cyclical, or at least it seems to be. If it is, I think being ignorant of it would be more fun, at least when it comes to everyday life... There'd be more surprises!
Tonka gets so bored at the office... She just takes naps here, really. At least she doesn't mind being in my bag, every now and then... Sometimes, I just let her run around the rest of the Pyramid. So far, nobody seems to mind. She's the only... thing... I had to move away from my home, really. Some have wondered if the Prince wanted access to important documents through my home, and well... I don't keep jack shit there. Hope he likes sketches of kitties and squirrels!
Tammuz 2nd, IY 7788
Zain has a fancy hat, now... He looks simply darling in it! With it? Whichever. I hope I get to sit next to him at the Council, so that we can form the Fancy Hat Coalition!
Triffi makes strange, magickal drawings in the air... She drew a bookerfly. Which is a book butterfly. It was kind of amazing, but also highly terrifying, since the pages of the book had countless rows of teeth! That's disgusting! Inky's little cousins are so weird!
THAT FILTHY CREATURE IS NO COUSIN OF MINE.
It isn't? Could've fooled me... Anyhow...
I bought Richo some coffee, but then he bought about a dozen cups more, himself... He really likes his coffee! Too much, I'd say... Anyhow, apparently him and the Dervish are planning to build a gompa! I want to see it when it's finished... But with the war and all, I'm not sure if that'll actually happen... I hope it does, anyhow. Also, Richo can make dragon blood from sausage! It's weird.
Samton has a chicken now. He insists that it's just following him around, despite the chicken appearing after he read a book about magick. I'm pretty sure it's a magickal chicken. A lot of wizardly types have chickens... Like Boris "Two Chickens" Amoramagus! Or is it Aromagus? I'm not sure, I don't get wizard names, not even famous ones... I do hope Samton doesn't actually try eating the poor bird... I'm pretty sure that would hurt himself, due to uh... familiar bonds... or something...────────────────────
Aaisha has a lot of work! I wish we had more Junior Scribes to help her... I promoted Horton, because he's so capable! I'm kind of wondering why he sharpens his quills to such an extent, though. Oh well... I'm sure he won't puncture any important documents...
My work has me so stressed lately! So, Alejandro invited me to one of our rooftop conversations... which was soon interrupted... by more work... I think we just need to start meeting elsewhere to stop that from happening. Maybe a wizard's tower. The Vizier's tower in Kha'esh reaches the very skies, so, if I was good buddies with him, I could have intriguing conversations in peace, atop it! Too bad he hates me! Anyhow, Alejandro was able to calm me down a little...
The stress was giving me the shakes, still, so, I smoked some mizzar before going to bed, even though it gives me headaches! That was a complete mistake! I had this horrid fever dream, that was full of absolutely horrific sights, and people were yelling about creepy things, and it was all so horrible... Which isn't unusual in the Well, but it was kind of just uh... a multiplication... of it all. Thankfully, now that I'm awake, I'm far, far away from all that nightmarish shit, and I can focus on the nightmarish shit that is the reality that I live in!
SERIOUSLY. I AM BEING EARNEST. NOT EVERY LIVING INK IS AN AGNATE OF MINE. MOST OF THEM ARE. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. JUST THE PREPONDERANCE. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. NINETY NINE PERCENT. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. THIS IS HIGHLY DISRESPECTFUL.
Tammuz 3rd, IY 7788
Athelia's been feeling a little down, lately... She's got the moody blues! I wish I could do something to help her! But playing matchmaker is really difficult... Especially between the ladies! Maybe that beach vacation would cheer her up... if this Qadiran matter is ever solved... Maybe we can have a beach vacation in Yaxatan, instead! At this point, the locals there are probably more pleasant!
Apparently, Alejandro can almost understand Alzhedo...? But only almost. Maybe he's just figuring it out through tone... He said that it's similar to Common. I'm not too sure about that! Anyhow, the less people that understand Alzhedo, the better, because then I can swear like a sailor without anyone realizing it, and I can keep writing my journal without worrying about someone else reading it! Not that anyone can find it, anyhow...
Also, why does everyone want to see Alejandro's sock drawer? Such curiosity over socks is most uncouth! People should be given some sock privacy!────────────────────
All the tall folk in the Well were talking about how tall Domergue is! I just thought that she bought new shoes, with higher heels! Then I took a closer look, and turns out that she really was slightly taller than usual. Somewhat tall. All tall folk look about the same height to me, though. I wonder what caused her growth spurt...? Narwen suspected myth magick! Anyhow, Elias and Pang were teasing Alejandro about his height, too... which I don't get at all! By comparing their heights, which required all of my focus and complex heightonomics, I figured out that Alejandro is at least a head taller than Elias!
I really don't understand this obsession with height... I think a man of any stature is worthy of respect! As long as they're at least 185 centimeters tall if they're a human, because that's the average height for them. I think. If you're below that, then you're worthy of slightly less respect! For a human!
This diplomacy stuff is a bit weird, at times... First, they insist that they're in an awful hurry, and that they must meet someone immediately, while we're all busy handling other diplomatic matters and a bunch of other work, then, when I've handled my own work and am available, they're nowhere to be seen, because they're doing boardwork! If you can just run off to do board jobs like that, then your issue probably wasn't actually important at all, and you should stop pestering people!
Also, Tonka jumped atop the Stele, and took a nap there! It was really cute. I don't think she's the first to do that, though. I'm pretty sure Martin does that a lot.
Tammuz 4th, IY 7788
I think one of the things that I'm realizing far too late is that during war, you've kind of got to prepare to say goodbye to a lot of people, but the goodbyes are all weird and indirect... You can't ignore the possibility of people dying, but you can't really expect that it'll happen, either. It's terrible...
Even Sephidra has a card game, now. I think everyone's going to have one by the end of the year... Anyhow, it was pretty simple. You just had to guess what color is the majority for five cards... I guessed black and lost! Naelin won! Oh well... At least it was fun. Turns out that Naelin also has good taste in tea. I like my tea potent and flavorful, instead of being just water with a little bit of leaf residue in it! People who can't handle truly potent tea are kind of sad!────────────────────
I thought I had signed up for some late night diplomacy, but then it turned out to be late night legislature, instead... It was awful! I could barely stand at the end... And I'm pretty sure I messed up the wording, somehow, on those laws, as I was fixing them up based on the initial drafts... Oh well! Even got the first complaint... something about "constitutional basis"... I don't even know if we have a constitution... I guess that's the Accord? Kind of.
I think the Builders were fixing something in Marcellus' office too, there was an awful lot of racket, which gave me a headache...
I was so tired that I went to the Krak for a nightcap out of sheer reflexive confusion! I could've just taken the elevator to the Ambassador's Rest, instead... So I ended up being even more tired. I ran into Mr. Pepper again... and I swear someone was talking about "hog cranking". I don't know what that is. Knowing Ephia's Well, it's something absolutely horribly disgusting, and probably involves animal abuse, by the sounds of it...
At least I got to sleep in peace! Martin didn't wake me up or anything... Which might be a bad sign, actually. At the very least for him. He might've been stuck outside on some rooftop again...
Tammuz 5th, IY 7788
I cried the whole night.
There wasn't much privacy to be found, so, I just hid in one of the locked corridors of the Pyramid and sobbed my heart out. With these ancient walls and pipes, it probably echoed about, but I am not sure if I care. It really wasn't about making sure that nobody knew, but more so about ensuring that nobody would touch me.
Friendship is a curious thing.
I did not truly know it, before I came here. Prior to the Well, I merely wandered from one lap to another, in search for some momentary warmth, something to make me forget how broken I was, even if just for a moment. Yet every single relationship was just as broken as I was, doomed from the start to be a mere matter of comforting convenience...
Akna. I would not hesitate for even a moment to call her a friend, though I'm not sure if I was a good one to her, in the end. I tried to. Maybe it's the street rat in me, forcing me to care about my own survival before something far more meaningful. Or maybe that's just a convenient excuse. I did care though. Genuinely. I wanted to be her friend, and I wanted to help her with her dreams... Yet I'm stuck on this road. I'd blame myself for that, yet it'd mean overestimating my own competence. Which there is very little of.
How much is a friend supposed to give without expecting anything in return? I've no fucking clue. I don't think I ever will. I wish I could.
Maybe we did share the same dream. I'm just taking the coward's path to it. Or trying to, anyhow...
Roads, paths... As if any of this was so clear or coherent. It's a bunch of vague bullshit, in the end. Conceal. Improvise. Mimic. That's all I do. Hopefully I pick the right things to emulate from her...────────────────────
And what is there to say about the others...? Mevura was an irritating presence. Constantly barging into meetings, getting offended by the most minor of slights, even if he himself was at fault more than anyone else... And so, so, so paranoid. Yet he was also very brave. Far more brave than I was at his age. Far more brave than I am right now, I suppose. I don't even know what the Astronomers will be like without him.
Lightdew... That same sort of paranoia, yet directed at something that I could actually understand. How many times did one of her hunches turn out to be actually true, despite seeming preposterous...? Far too many. I do wish she had had peace of mind, at times, as competent as she was at her labor... I do hope my minor contributions helped her with it at least on some level.
Baako. I didn't know him well. Had a morbid sense of humor, seemingly. Good fit for a Recluta. I'd say something about him doing his job, but... Even if it's the truth, being fodder is just... not something anyone's designated role should be.
How many times will I have to write like this...?
Tammuz 6th, IY 7788
Yesterday, I had barely any energy... and so did everyone else, seemingly. A very quiet day, all in all. I don't even know what to write about!
WRITE ABOUT THE METAPHYSICAL DIFFICULTIES THAT NORMATIVE ETHICS FACE IN A DYING WORLD.
No!
There was some Balladeer art event... thing... Tempo had an essay about what it's like being a hero...? It was mostly a list about heroic traits and his thoughts about them. It was kind of weird. I didn't know that heroes have to write essays. If they have to do that, I don't want to be a hero! I'd rather just be... a good person... of another sort... instead! Niranye talked about art as a form of history, but I missed most of that because there was a work matter that I had to attend to...
Firestorm. I'm surprised there are any left... A horrid affair. Felt like locking myself in a room and just staring out of the window. For at least a few hours.────────────────────
Anyhow, folk want me to chronicle the war, now...? Why is it always me...? I just wanted to speak from the heart, and all I get is "wow Bashir, that was really good, you should add another labor to your gadjillion badjillion other ones"... What do speeches have to do with chronicling, anyway? "The Scribes should do it" when we barely have any not assigned to something already! Horton's on vacation, too! I think Lucky Ferry was one of his destinations, which is just a really weird choice... I don't want any ghosts present in my own vacations, personally...
Also... what's the difference between cascara and qishr? I think I prefer cascara... It's fruitier! I like fruity things! I shouldn't drink either before bed, though...
Tammuz 7th, IY 7788
This war certainly is forcing a lot of people to dress properly... Which is good, because usually folk wear garbage bags with literal vomit on them, around here. It's horrible...
I was offering my honest opinion on Eclair's dress, and Triffi wasn't having any of it... She asked me who taught me to talk to others! Me, myself, of course! I don't know why she got so mad about it, because the truth of the matter is that Eclair's green dress really looks like the outfit of a frog witch... Some crone from the swamp who specializes only in frogs and frog-based magickry! Her other dress is much, much, much more fabulous, and perfectly compatible with her complexion and stylish hairstyle!
Miro speaks about philosophy and struggle and such... I don't get it! It's so confusing, especially the stuff about contradictions... Doesn't help that they were talking about "hog cranking" at one point, and that confused me even more! I'm not sure at all what "hog cranking" is, anymore, if even philosophers talk about it... It must be some really complex concept, that also happens to be vulgar and gross, judged by how people react to talk of it!────────────────────
Also, there's a circus in town... They supposedly have the Disc's biggest baby. I only saw the fancy fop and the clown, though. They also said that they have an invisible man with them, but I'm kind of uninterested and skeptical of that. I meet Zuli each and every day, so invisibility is not that special... Plus this supposed invisible man didn't speak at all, so... It was probably just air.
And now I can't get my Krak walk-around done in peace, again! I need those rosters, and I need my wine! I'm going to get a Junior Scribe to get those names for me... If we had any. Alric wakes up so late! And nobody even attempted saving me from such a horrid situation... I've done that for people before! Goes to show how much people care about me, in the end! AGAIN!
Tammuz 8th, IY 7788
Qadira seems kind of desperate, coming to us for mercenaries to help them find lost ships... Which makes the evident even more so! They don't really give a shit about any of this... The folk who went didn't even make a peep about it! It must've been a really boring affair!
Eclair said that my rainbow rod is cursed! But that is simply impossible, as rainbows are the most blessed of the Wheel's creations... Eclair has a lot of strange inhibitions! She even tried claiming that she still likes rainbows... Yet if she doesn't like my rainbow rod, she can't possibly like them, because my rainbow rod makes exemplary rainbows! I don't get knights! I can call her a knight now, without her getting all weird about that!────────────────────
Sephidra said that elves don't really eat cheese... That sounds pretty miserable! Triffi, on the other hand, assumed that the Cube is made out of cheese... I guess because gnomes have an abundance of cheese, instead...? The cuisines of different cultures can be so different! Yet I still think that everyone should have cheese... At least just a little, as a treat!
There was some sort of commotion at the Gate of Coin... Turns out that it was a new Preparator coming to town, with some terracotta guardians... He seems nice enough? From the five minutes I spoke with him, anyhow. Ivraine's kind of old... kind of, I don't get human aging... so, it's good that he has an extra pair of hands. I wish I could have terracotta guardians... Though, I'd make my guardians out of garnets! Then, I'd be fashionably protected!
I wonder if there's a correspondence course on geomancy...? I hope so! I want to learn bijou magicks!
Tammuz 9th, IY 7788
What an awful day... The past few weeks have been full of stressful work, and now I pretty much don't have anything to show for it. It's all thrown into the trash...
And I couldn't contain the anger or stress anymore, so, I pretty much exploded at the Assembly, and started yelling... I don't really like doing that, but when people start throwing accusations at me, of doing nothing, when most of my days have involved this awful affair and multiple attempts at beginning communication with our other neighbors... And that's common, for a lot of people. "Oh, Bashir doesn't do anything!" For some, whatever happens to be in their direct line of sight are the only things to exist and occur...
Yelled at Argent, too. I don't even really mind him, that much. He's just an annoying dumbass. Which is far less worse than some... I regret getting angry with Daoud, the most, though. I think that's the first time I've gotten angry with him... I just don't like questions to the effect of "why didn't you do the obvious thing that you obviously did do"... A lot of people assume that I'm a fucking idiot...
Anyhow, Gedwyr and Zalthar seem like good people... Well, to the extent that they've been nice to me. I have enough trust issues as to not trust so blindly... Zalthar even offered to make a sculpture of me. I wouldn't have any place to put it, though... And after dating a few sculptors, I've kind of realized that having a statue of myself is kind of weird...? I'm very beautiful, but even then, committing that beauty to stone and leaving it around for folk to gawk is just... odd. I do want to give them some work, though.────────────────────
Then I just spent the rest of the day with Naelin, Eclair and Azimi, and Margarine was there, too... That was much more pleasant, even though the Tower has a notable lack of crackers! Isaac did give me some delicious mujaddara, however... Azimi classifies her court in a weird way, and apparently, I'm an "Archivist"... I had the potential to be a Witch, though, so I'm really disappointed, because I don't like archiving much, because you have to do it alphabetically, and that's just dull, I prefer doing it based on the color of the cover or the dust jacket... Also, I want to know witch magickry! I haven't had much luck with taming the Big Heron, so, a flying broom would be grand...
Then, we just played cards for a bit, and Domergue was there, too, but she wasn't slightly taller, anymore, so she could fit inside... Also, Margarine had been eating some chocolate macadamia nut ice cream, and I think that gave her a tummyache, because she ran off, at one point... I don't have that problem! I can eat as much ice cream as I want, as quickly as I like! I don't do that very often, though, because I have a figure to maintain, and that figure is petite!
I had okay luck with cards! I even got a Royal Dragon!
Also, I think Elias is smitten by a darkly dressed mysterious stranger. Poor Alejandro...
Also, also, someone drew a cute little hamster at the card hall! It's really grumpy, and tossing its tiny paws into the air, as if to go "I'MA MESS YOU UP"! I wonder who drew it...?
Tammuz 10th, IY 7788
I gave Aaisha some fashion assistance! Now, her toga and headdress look most tasteful! I like helping people with their outfits... Though sometimes it can be a challenge! This time, the problems arose from the names of the dyes! Turns out that "icy black" is everything but black! If you call something "black", then it obviously should be black! It didn't even resemble black ice on any level!
Argent apologized to me... With a box full of stuff! I liked the bijoux the most! One of them was a big ol' diamond... I'm going to find some use for it that goes beyond simply laying in my bijou pouch for me to smile at! There were also some stylish outfits... I'm pretty sure I know who actually made them, because it wasn't Aurelio alone! Anyhow, that was a proper apology... So I'm going to forgive him! For now...
Sen Mo-Nor works so hard, each and every day, but yesterday, his work was truly astounding! His broom swept across the Plaza at such blazing speeds that no dirt or dust was safe from his zealous cleansing! I've never seen the Plaza so clean! He should be paid far more than he is currently! Also, he was chasing Narwen around too, all because he wanted to return a potion that she had dropped... What a gentleman!────────────────────
Eclair's ascetic lifestyle is just plain weird... She doesn't use any spices, and she only eats food when it's either boiled, or raw! I think this might explain some of her other strange behavior... Everyone needs to eat salt and pepper! There's important salt and pepper nutrients within, so, going completely without them will have you ending up with a bunch of deficiencies...
ALSO, SHE DRINKS EGGS!
There's a parasol merchant, now! I immediately bought the cutest little pink parasol! I also bought a red one... But the pink one is far cuter! Now, the harsh light from hateful Pra'raj, and the far-less-hateful Lunar Disc, and their cousins, the tiny little stars, won't be ruining my complexion any time soon... I'm still going to do my moisture routine each and every morning and evening! Looking this good takes a lot of work!
Also, Eclair bought the exact same design, but because I've really matured lately, I don't care, at least not on an aggressive level, I'm actually really happy that she makes such good fashion choices, whereas previously, in my pettiness, I'd have set fire to her parasol through a cunning plot of some sort!
Anyhow... I also have some pepper spray now! Nobody better mess with me or they're getting sprayed right in the eyes!
Tammuz 11th, IY 7788
Parasols are the latest fad! Now, so many people have them... Like Isaac, who has a blue one! Even Marcellus was thinking of buying a purple one...
Triffi loves cheese so much that she thinks that the moon is made out of it! My argument against this was that the moon isn't always yellow... But I was soon reminded, my many people, that cheese comes in many colors! However, it makes absolutely no sense... Why would the moon shift between different types of cheese, instead of just staying as one absolutely delicious one...? I think the moon is just a colossal chunk of salt, myself...────────────────────
I got my favored aspect on my most exquisite bijou from the Sultan, on the first try! Well, maybe it was the first try... I can't really remember... What I do remember is that I seem to have really good luck with prisms! However, like with any game of chance, you have to know the rules, first! You can't just break a prism and that's that... Luck is a curious thing! There's a lot of skill involved!
Washing my laundry is so weird, now... I can't do it at home, so, I've just been loaning the Pyramid's basement! Drying them is more annoying, though... I was thinking of using the landing platforms, or balconies, whichever you want to call them, but I don't want one of the Princesses or the Majordomo to see my unmentionables... So, I have to improvise. A lot! Also, I still want to clean, because I enjoy it, so, I've just been cleaning the Torchbearer Hall... But in a way that isn't annoying! I put everything where it was originally, afterwards!
And then there's the laundry grix... Borrowing everyone's socks and leaving them in strange places! Is that why everyone wants to see Alejandro's socks...? Are they just making sure that they're all there...?
Tammuz 12th, IY 7788
I hear a lot of tales about the Lunar Disc... Some say that moonfolk live there! Yet according to Alejandro's tales, it's just a lunar hare and a lonely woman up there... And according to Triffi, it's just cheese. If there are moonfolk, I think they would've just eaten the moon ages ago, if that were the case... Salt makes far more sense, because you can't eat that much salt in one go! Though I guess the moonfolk might be built different and they just eat salt...?
Naelin and Sephidra fight a lot! They must've been married for a long time! But not long enough to reach that point where married couples usually calm down and just kind of sit around quietly, reading books or knitting... Anyhow, they have a butler now, too. Natasha! Well, she wants to be their butler. I'm not sure if they're going to go for that... She seems kind of bummed about life! And by bummed, I mean totally depressed! She reminds me of myself during the first few months after being freed... which is really sad. I hope she can forge a better life for herself, here!────────────────────
Otherwise, it was a strangely quiet day... Even the markets of Kha'esh were empty! Quiet days can be dull, but I just have more time for my hobbies during them... Like knitting and reading! Which I occasionally do at the same time... But only for patterns I know by reflex! Which isn't that many yet, but I can certainly knit a few socks while reading one of my novelettes... The one I'm reading right now is about this cute elf, who finds hot springs atop Mount Kulkund, and he starts a resort, and he gets all sorts of curious guests... And boy, does the story ever get steamy! And not just because of those hot springs!
I still can't manage jogging, knitting and reading at the same time, though! One day, I will!
Tammuz 13th, IY 7788
Balstan's really mad about Alejandro's raffle! He thinks that it makes a mockery of his exam... I don't really get it. I think it might just be politicking, and he's pretending to be offended, because I don't know what raffles and exams have to do with each other... For one, raffles are really exciting, whereas exams are really boring! So, they're pretty much the exact opposite of each other... At least as far as mood goes!
The Pink Parasol Pals are the fastest growing group of folk in the Well! At first, it was just me and Eclair, but now it includes Narwen and Zuli, too, and some of the Sukaitza company, and the Krak's bouncer, and so, so many others... People keep telling me to put away my parasol while indoors! But I like it so much... so much that I kind of just forget that I have it! When you really love doing something, it kind of just becomes a habitual reflex... Also, I think that those people are just jealous because they can't look nearly as good as I do!
Moving on from fashion staples to fashion crimes... Sephidra had designed some armor for Eclair... It was absolutely and completely hideous! It was supposed to be the armor of a dark knight... I don't know why... But instead, it made her look like a bouncer to some bordello. Also, Sephidra was trying to give her a whip, too! Which is just... weird. I think with the whip, it would've been to Pang's tastes... I hope that she never wears that armor, ever again! A knight should look representable!────────────────────
Anyhow, later on, there was yet another lecture at the College of the Balladeers... It was about knightly virtues! And Caddick surprised us with some audience participation tasks... We had to pick one trait related to prudence... So, me and Eclair picked promptness! We had to explain what promptness means to us! To us, promptness was all about efficiency, and showing up on time to agreed upon meetings, especially dates, because knights have a lot of romance in their lives, so, time management skills are important, Lynneth was a great example of this... I think we did pretty well on this assignment!
Antikos wished to host another game of Camel Racing, to help Narwen's fundraising! So, I helped, too... I named the camels, made some announcements, and gave away my fashionable Modini mask as a prize! I did try to get some ice cream from Margarine, too, but she just slammed the door in my face when I asked... She's really mean and rude! I think people really would've liked some ice cream as a prize... Anyhow, at first, it seemed that not many were interested in playing, but then, there were so many people that we had to have seven camels instead of six!
The games got so heated that in the last race, people were putting down paper curses in order to win! Well, it was Kellyn's idea... In the end, she was countercursed and lost! Also, Pang stole Camel (Baby)... for some reason! So, Camel (Baby) had to be replaced by Business Card... People certainly get attached to paper sheets that I scribbled some funny names on!
Also, Caddick thinks that Aryarael is a lady? I don't know why. He's so masculinely brusque that it just seems obvious to me that he's a feller!
Tammuz 14th, IY 7788
The circus was in town! Well, they've been in town for quite some time, now... And their show wasn't inside the Well, but in the Tablet... Anyhow, they had a clown! His jokes were pretty funny! They had a monkey! It pretty much just carried a banana around. That's it. Then, there was the Disc's Biggest Baby! It truly was the biggest baby I've ever seen... besides Qari! Also, the baby was strangely violent and kept hitting his papas and the monkey, too. That was weird! Then, they had the sword swallower... who did just that. Kind of gross. For some reason, sword swallowers are among the most popular circus performers, besides the strongmen and the strong ladies, when it comes to the field of romance! I don't know why. They just get a lot of dates.
Oh. I get it, now...
Also... why was Kellyn part of the act? Is that something that the Sisterhood does? They help circus performers...?────────────────────
Triffi said that I can never achieve the lazy, feline energy that cats have! But that's bullshit, because I've languidly surged with that energy for the entirety of my life... A lot of people think they know me just because they've talked to me for like... an hour at most! Then she got really mad when I told her that weasels are really smelly... and she started throwing paint at me. None of it hit me though, because I'm so quick on my feet, due to years spent dancing! I don't know why she got so mad, because I was just telling the truth. I had far better reasons to throw paint at her! She insulted and questioned my very being! I just stated some facts about the horridly smelly state of being that weasels exhibit! If I had questioned that, then she would have had an actual reason...
Zaheera performed in honor of our city's defenders, atop Elossi's Lounge! There weren't a whole lot of people... I think a lot of folk we're doing boardwork, again. Or consecrating their home. The latter is at least important on some level... Anyhow, Zaheera has a really beautiful voice, and she plays a mean tambourine! By "mean", I... mean... that she plays it really well. She doesn't beat it with ill intent, or something. I loved the show! Even though any talk of "soaring herons" makes me really wary, these days, for obvious reasons!
Also, I got my sticker, again! It's a nice cerulean blue. I love it! Sometimes, I wish that I could be a Sticker Scribe... It seems far less stressful work than what I do... even if people get really mad when there's delays... but each job has its stressful parts! Even taste testing!
Tammuz 15th, IY 7788
Triffi says that we're friends already! But we pretty much met a few days ago... Wait, I checked the journal, she's actually right, I've known her for at least two weeks! But I don't move that quickly with friendships anymore, I learned some harsh lessons about that! I'd say that we're at the "chum" stage... Which is better than acquaintances, but still not really friends! Also, she keeps being really rude towards me, so... It might stay at that stage!
Naelin gifted me some wondrous silk! It was rather curious, but still, easily some of the finest quality silk that I've seen in a long time! Inspiration struck, so I wanted to make something out of it immediately! I called for Alejandro to help me, because he knows a lot of songs about arts and crafts, which is a giant boon for such work! It was one of those spur-of-the-moment sort of deals... So, I ended up making a cloak instead of a scarf. I'm not a cloak person, really... I'm so used to scarves... Yet it is still such a fabulous cloak that I'm going to be wearing it a lot. I hope I can make a scarf out of that stuff next time!
Alejandro held the Great Asterabadian Raffle... and Alric won! The Dice of Democracry favored him, the most! Stern was really mad about the raffle... She complained that it wasn't truly Asterabadian, or according to the Lily tenets, or whatever! However, people like raffles, and they attract a lot of attention... I don't think anyone would've come to a literature circle, or whatever... Especially because nobody can find a copy of Asterabadi's works! Except for me! But I'm not reading philosophy, because it's really dull...────────────────────
I visited Harrowden with the Torchbearers, guided by Atticus! It's this squalid town, on this island, in the middle of the Sea of Pearls... It was so depressing there! First of all, the air was filled with an eerie, green mist... And it was raining the entire time! I hadn't seen rain for such a long time, but... There was something about that rain that I didn't like. So, after the initial glee, I was just sort of bummed about it. Thankfully my parasol doubles as an umbrella!
There was still quite a lot to see, like this antiquarian that had quite the collection! Lots of art on display, but... even the paintings were depressing! There was this painting of a horse that only had three legs! I hated it! I felt so bad for the horse! Thankfully, they still had some souvenirs for sale, so, I bought Zain some tarot cards... Which he seemed intrigued by, thankfully! I don't know anything about magick, or magick cards, so, I was worried that he'd hate them, but he didn't, so I'm really happy, because I want to give him great gifts, so that he can be comfortable...
We also visited the inn... There was this crazy geezer with a telescope staying there! I should be more careful about talking to crazy geezers in the future! Which is kind of my job, really, come to think of it, at times...
The last place we visited was this old church! It was a real peculiar place. I didn't understand much, there... Something about the number seven, which is my favorite number, and something about prophecies and such... Omens give me a headache. The church was still eerily beautiful, though..? I don't know if that's a weird thing to say...? It was sort of tranquil. In a creepy way. I'd read books there...? For a quarter of an hour or so. Then I'd get out! Because it'd get too frightening!
After that, we sailed back to Qadira, and got on the caravan back home... Then, we discovered that someone had burned Eclair's romantic novelettes! What a horrid crime! What accursed mountebank could've committed such an atrocity?!
Tammuz 16th, IY 7788
Narwen has a bird friend, now! Charity the Eagle! He was rescued from the Thousand Clans... I don't really get what the orcs are doing with all of these birds, because I don't otherwise see any of them with any avian buddies. Maybe they're just trying to eat them...? I wouldn't eat an eagle, myself, they're far too cute! I wish I had a bird friend, too... But all I have is a giant lummox that keeps carrying me into danger!
Marcellus gave us the Scribal Bell! It's just a bell meant for ceremonial purposes. So... it's pretty much there to be rung at the beginning and end of Assemblies. Maybe in the middle, too. Actually, it's going to be rung at all times, because people here can't focus at all... They're even worse at it than me! I mean... just this morning, I almost forgot to eat my halim because I was so awfully distracted... I got this absolutely fabulous idea for some termeh, and it was simply so grand that I couldn't think about anything else!
Then I realized that I'm way too busy for such arduous work, and returned my attention to my breakfast... The halim had cooled too much! What a disappointment... At least Tonka didn't try eating it!────────────────────
Otherwise, it was a rather dull day, as rife as it was with politics... I really wish I knew magick, I think people would bother me less if I did, and respect me a lot more... I don't think that the Golden Vizier has to deal with so much bullshit on a daily basis! I'd invent a bunch of spells to get away from annoying people, like Bashir's Rainbow Road, which summons a rainbow that carries you somewhere pleasant... Or Bashir's Ripple of Refusal, which fends off dinguses with a big ol' tsunami! Or, maybe even Bashir's Shawl of Shame, which fills irritating idiots with such a strong feeling of embarassment that they simply have to leave!
Coming up with spells is so easy! Why don't more wizards invent spells...?
Tammuz 17th, IY 7788
Lately I've had a tinge of that old familiar feeling... Envy. I wish I could just drown it in wine... But I keep seeing couples walking around together... Headed to lunch, to home... To places and endeavors that I can't even begin to guess... Yet they do it all together. I can do that with friends, sure, but... I wish I had someone I truly loved to share such moments with! I'm in my thirties, and I haven't had a single healthy romantic relationship. That's just fucking depressing...
I guess there was that one painter in Waterdeep... Those three months were so precious...
But then I cheated on him with his biggest rival.
I'm really awful, aren't I...? Three months of committed love is the best I can do...?
Anyhow... Narwen was talking about towers, and how they're an important symbol. I think I'd like living in a tower... Oh. I wrote about that before. Yeah, I still haven't gotten my tower full of flowers, or my husband. Let's think about something else...
PLEASE CEASE YOUR MELANCHOLY IN A MOST IMMEDIATE FASHION. ABSORBING SUCH MISERY CAUSES A MOST UNPLEASANT EXUDATION.
I was just doing that! I dropped off my painting of Tonka to Niranye's gallery... It's not the greatest painting ever, but it does depict someone that's really important to me, so, at least it's meaningful to me... Paintings... That painter spent weeks painting me... Then his rival painted me in the nude just to spite him. I can't even remember their names. They had a duel on the pier, and everything... Well, it was more like a violent knife fight, really... What's wrong with me...?
────────────────────
THIS IS EXCRUCIATING, YET I CANNOT RELOCATE MY FORM. WHAT IS THIS GEAS THAT YOU'VE CURSED ME WITH?
That's just the gossip catching your attention, and forcing you to acknowledge how much of a wreck I really am...
I DESPISE THIS GOSSIP! SPEAK OF SAMTON'S FURY, INSTEAD!
His fury...? Oh, right. I tried helping him with his aspects, again, but the chakra transfer only reinforced the courageous energies! I think that's the aspects telling him that he'll need to be brave in the future... But it made him so mad that he started kicking and shaking the railing around the Pilgrim, and yelling like a male banshee... A manshee... Anyhow, it was kind of weird, and I felt guilty, much like I feel right n
NO. PLEASE CONTINUE MAKING WHIMSICAL OBSERVATIONS ABOUT THE PHENOMENA THAT OCCURS AROUND YOU, INSTEAD OF TORTURING ME WITH REMINISCENCE REGARDING YOUR REPREHENSIBLY AMOROUS PAST.
Fine... Could you live inside a colossi hat...? I was talking about giant hats with Eclair, because Naelin and Sephidra were gone somewhere, and they were probably skulking around in some colossi ruin, and there might have been colossal hats, I don't know... I think living in a giant hat would be pretty sweet, because there would be no rent or taxes, and maintaining a giant hat is much easier than maintaining a house, and it'd just be kind of cute, really...
Also... Balstan seems like a shrewd man. Hooray, for potentially easy-to-work-with bosses... I guess...
Also, also, I'm never forgetting to buy more books for Inky, ever again.
SUCH A GRAVE MISTAKE SHOULD BEST STAY UNREPEATED.
Tammuz 18th, IY 7788
Alric was interested in this creepy bird mask that Sephidra had, but he didn't have any money... So I bought it for him! He better not wear that thing to work! He might startle Martin! Which never ends well... Anyhow... Why didn't he have any dinar...? He is being paid... He must be splurging all of his money on something! He better not have an addiction of some sort!
It'd be real weird if the addiction turned out to be towards creepy masks...
I gave a guy by the name of Devlin the aspect he wanted, on the first try! Then I gave Samton Ash, even though I tried really my very best... I felt so bad for him! That's a really shitty aspect! The aspectral energies can be truly unforgiving, sometimes! Yet I'll keep dancing, to ensure that the people get what they want, in the end! I'll dance for the Scholar, dance for the Politician... Dance for the Clarity, dance for the... Dancer! Yeah!────────────────────
Then, a guy called Ju'ahri wanted to be my bodyguard... He said that I would "want him", and that he would carry me all over the sands! I'm not sure what to think, really... Other guys have said that to me in bars and taverns, and they've meant something completely different! Oh well... He was kind of handsome, I suppose... My last bodyguard kind of just disappeared, though, so, if he was actually talking about that, I have one more trust issue to work through...
I was getting some coffee at the Soot Lamp, and ran into Elias, so, we had a pleasant chat, for a while, before going outside to the rooftop and continuing there... It was nice, for a moment, until this performer came and interrupted us, and just lingered there awkwardly! He did leave, thankfully, after just standing there for quite some time... I just wanted to get to know Elias better, and gossip him with him about guys! And I wanted to learn how close him and Alejandro really are! And I learned quite a lot! I think my cunning plan to get them together should involve Alejandro's room... cleaning... and his sock drawer! Yeah!
Anyhow, apparently the Sandstone has lectures on lupins, and lupins only...? They're rather pretty, but I didn't know that they would focus on just an individual type of flower... I want a frangipani lecture! If I could be the Disc's foremost frangipani expert, I would!
Tammuz 19th, IY 7788
Can't ever be simple, can it...? We're given just a couple of hours to prepare for Kha'esh. There's a very simple request made. Everyone involved is told of how limited our time is. And even then, there are delays, and confusion... And as much as the Astronomers tarried, they couldn't even commit to that fucking request. They come to the offices, each and every day, demanding to meet in an immediate fashion, but when something extremely simple is requested of them, they can't even deny it in a succinct fashion. Just a simple, immediate "no" would've been preferred. Useless...
At least nobody went brew shopping at the very last minute. I absolutely despise when people do that. What the fuck are you going to do with wajeebs on a diplomatic mission, anyhow? Are you trying to impress the... Nawab of Pthsteka... with a nice blue glow?
If it turns out that they actually do have a Nawab, I'm starting the Brotherhood of the... Serendipitous... Rice Pudding... I don't know, I'm hungry.
And of course the demands of Kha'esh have to be the most burdensome bullshit possible... Which I'm somewhat inclined to agree to. Which will mean plenty of yelling from Colmes and representatives of the Sultan... I don't even mean accepting them simply as they were presented... With some additional clauses from us, of course... But even then, it'd effectively make me a traitor in the eyes of a lot of people. Of course I would advise the Council to simply say no, if we had any alliances of note...────────────────────
Yet we've not many allies to speak of. Two mercenary bands, and one financier who's extremely picky about what they're ready to fund. Grand. Who else has land forces to such an extent, and is actually ready to attach them to our cause, in exchange for something that doesn't immediately doom us? I don't think most folk understand just how dire the situation is... I think someone will still suggest hiring more mercenaries, even though Kha'esh has most of them on retainer, now...
"Oh, we should negotiate with Il Modo, instead!" Sure. Sure. Maybe they can loan us a nice giant eel that'll suffocate the immediate moment that it's brought to land. "Why haven't you contacted Tlonsiyya?!" We have. Multiple fucking times. They don't respond to anything. Also, there's a literal landslide between them and us. "Ephia's Well can solve this on its own, as long as we have hope and stand together!" Fuck no, we can't. Hope is completely meaningless if it can't actually be grasped on some level. And Ephia's Well, standing together...? People here can't even agree if it's day or night...
The only real good thing that I got from yesterday were Eclair's words of friendship... Which really cheered me up. Momentarily, anyhow. I feel like shit again. I'd rather spend my time having adventures with her than have my days be a constant barrage of bullshit that I've no actual solutions to...
She's a good friend. I'm not sure if I am, but I'll try to be... Maybe I can help her with Margarine, somehow.
Tammuz 20th, IY 7788
I was thinking of getting drunk off my arse, last night...
I didn't, because coming back to the Torchbearer Hall like that would've been utterly humiliating. So, this situation is at least making me steer clear of some of my vices. Which, considering the stress, is not necessarily a good thing...?
I really should just find out about things on my own, in the future, instead of listening to others and assuming that they're correct... I mean, I should've learned that lesson by now. People still occasionally answer questions meant for me about the Stele, despite never operating it themselves, and they get all the facts wrong with such confidence... So, why should I trust them about any ambassadors, either?
Utterly embarassing...────────────────────
Anyhow, these Council meetings work so differently based on how many folk we have! If we have just councilors and a few cabinet members, there really aren't that many distractions... If we have councilors, cabinet members, cabinet members' friends, the friends' cousins, the cousins' cousins, a talking dog, the talking dog's talking armadillo friend, Azimi, Azimi's doppelganger, Azimi's doppelganger's doppelganger's doppelganger... Then the same questions are repeated over and over about things that have been already said, because everyone is having a private conversation during the proceedings and nobody is actually focusing on the actual meeting!
I don't even know whose cabinet some folk were in, if any cabinet at all! I don't even know how they got up to the Divan, really!
Anyhow... Now I have a ton of letters to write! And not the fun kind, like letters to Zain, or to Alejandro, though I don't write a lot of letters to Alejandro because he's so easy to find... Anyhow, these letters are more like a puzzle, really, and I'm not good at puzzles. Every piece has to go together perfectly, as not to offend the recipient... I don't have to be afraid of that with friends!
...too much!
Tammuz 21st, IY 7788
When you're faking it for long enough, you start believing in it yourself. For a moment there, I thought I was doing something of importance, and that I actually had some sort of road ahead of me, even if it were one utterly covered in foliage...
But there's no road. There's just an endless crevasse.
Whatever advice I gave regarding Kha'esh was completely disregarded, and thrown into the trash. Right in front of me. I could not even attempt to fix it in any way, because Tariq insisted that she would talk to the Legates, and them only. Any murmured advice I tried giving them was just ignored.
When the Council was being formed, the Sultan's representatives made it very clear that they wanted diplomats. My name was one of the ones that were entertained for the position. Colmes picked me, surprisingly enough. I always wondered if Sephidra wouldn't be better, but I've very much realized that talent doesn't really matter here... It's a hopeless effort, no matter who is doing it.
Because you are not a diplomat, in the end, under these circumstances. You're an ignored advisor.
So, for a long moment there, I was thinking of simply erasing my name from the Vizier position, via the Stele. I was going to quit being a Scribe, too, and inform Colmes that my seat can't actually function at all, because my position isn't actually recognized by the complete and utter lunatics that we have to deal with. But some friends calmed me down with some sage words... I guess Naelin's a friend now. She's done plenty enough for me. And Nasreen even helped me transform into a parrot, so I could fly around for a while... Which, while silly, was easily the highlight of my day.
And in the end, it really was just friends. I at least expected some words of encouragement from Frederica, but she just approached it in the most backhanded way possible.
"Now. You can quit as Vizier, but I still desperately need you as a Scribe."
And for the first time, for the entirety of my time working here... I had no respect for her. None whatsoever.
She's just my boss. Nothing else.────────────────────
And then, this mess of a situation is solved by the Sisters simply making a jaunt over to Kha'esh, and doing whatever it is that they do... They didn't even have Nebtu with them. And suddenly, the Golden Vizier accepts the altered terms. So, effectively, the Diplomatic Service accomplished absolutely fucking nothing regarding something that we started a few weeks ago.
But, because I am the Disc's Biggest Idiot, I'm still going to keep at it... Because at the end of the day? While it's one of the worst fucking jobs you could ever have... I still get paid. A lot. So, I'll just keep working and collecting my wages, despite not accomplishing anything at all, and throw the dinar at others to at least give them some semblance of joy. I'll also be buying a lot of wine. A lot. I'd buy more clothes, but I'm stuck in the toga now, as fashionable as it is.
Maybe we can pivot the Diplomatic Service into writing travel guides, instead. "While visiting perpetually sunny Qadira, especially during wartime, live a little! Get robbed by a pirate who somehow manages to eat, despite only having one tooth remaining! Contract megascurvy, as the befouled air sucks the citric nutrients right out of your body! Play the favorite pastime of any Qadiran, the hit quiz game 'How Many Venereal Diseases Does the Maharaja Have Today?'"
This is cheering me up, actually...
"Kha'esh has plenty to see, even for orcan invaders! See the Museum of Brooking, where you can witness the first baby to ever brook! A tragic lesson about infantile ignorance! At the Azarmidokht Academy of Levitation and Golden Emination, you too can learn to float like a fancy ponce! Sashay into social gatherings with catty arrogance! The hottest pub in town, the Caravanserai, offers you the unique experience of getting stabbed by fifty different thugs simultaneously, all belonging to different mercenary groups! Kha'esh is truly a multicultural marvel!"
Okay, that's enough... I'm still going to be bitchy to someone, today. Who's going to be the unlucky soul...?
Tammuz 22nd, IY 7788
Yesterday was full of people worried about me, and proclaiming their love for me, and telling me how important I am for the Well... It made me feel much better, but... I was still quite embarassed. I guess when I'm sad, it's really obvious... But then again, I did drink about fourty or fifty bottles of wine, the day before, so... My liver's probably going to explode in a month or two... but in a healthy way, because I drink just wine.
Selsi was saying that I saved her life, but I really don't know about that... I did suggest to the Council and the Legates that there probably should be an escort for the Kha'eshi, so, maybe I helped by planting that thought there. Maybe. Just a little. In some faint fashion that I can't really recognize, much, but... That goes for a lot of things. I don't really understand half of the praise that I get. I should just learn to accept it, I suppose, even though I am quite curious of the reasons for some of the love that I get...────────────────────
Frederica also proclaimed me the employee of the month. Some folk congratulated me for that. I don't really know about that, either... It's just a nominal thing that has barely any meaning whatsoever. Kind of a "we appreciate you, but not enough to promote you, or give you anything meaningful" sort of deal... I've gotten stuff like that in other jobs, too... Right before I've ditched town because I got bored. Words of demeaning appreciation from the boss... Sometimes you get a handshake, too. I hate handshakes. They're so butch...
Also, a lot of guys don't wash their hands, and I hate touching strangers, so... Well, strangers I'm not attracted to, anyhow.
I did go on a few excavations with Alejandro and Elias. It was pleasant... I wish I knew anything about archaeology. Or history... I kind of just nod along and make vague comments about stuff that I sort of have an inkling of, as Alejandro explains things... I guess that's enough for him, though. I do wish those two would move in together, already.
I don't really know what I want for myself. I'm not sure if I ever did...
Tammuz 23rd, IY 7788
When I was younger... a few years younger, anyhow... I used to pick a random cloud, and just follow it around until I found something interesting. Usually I'd just find some dangerous ruin, filled with monsters... but even running away offered plenty of excitement. Occasionally, I'd find someone's cottage. Which I'd proceed to rummage through for food...
I was hungry.
I kind of wish that I had a cloud like that, for my career, because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, now. Being the Vizier of Ephia's Well was so meaningless, that I felt guilty for being paid for doing effectively nothing... Yet going back to being just a Scribe is dreadful. Simply because there's absolutely no career prospects left... I can't be promoted, I can't get a raise, I can't achieve anything meaningful. Mostly just stand around in meetings, transcribing them, writing reports that most don't even read, giving advice that goes unheeded...
And the fucking licenses.
I counted how many I have sold... It's 161. I hate maths. I had to count them five times before I was somewhat satisfied with the result... I don't want to sell a single fucking one, anymore. But I'll have to, anyhow.
"You do such good work, Bashir" is basically like getting stabbed by a rusty dagger, at this point.────────────────────
I'm not sure why I stayed. Maybe it was just Frederica threatening me with treason... or trying to protect me from it by refusing to sign the termination papers... maybe it was just a lie. Maybe it was guilt. I don't know. I was going through a lot of emotions and I don't remember every single detail, nor was I in a state to understand nuance...
I do feel guilty though, because she's right. The Sublime Gardens have given me a lot... It's just that in the end, it's mostly just pretty baubles. And even though I'm completely and utterly vain, I still want something more. Maybe the vanity is the reason for that, in the end. The envoys to foreign lands are plenty, because at least they're an experience... But then I feel guilty because I'm not sure if my presence actually added anything to the outcome. I don't want to be just a vagabond... I want to earn my pay.
And then there's the fact that I embarassed myself so thoroughly yesterday, that my career is effectively dead. My bosses will either see me as unstable, or just being unable to control my emotions enough to warrant a higher position. So, I'm stuck as Senior Scribe until the day that I die, and that day is probably really close.
The dream of actually reaching Baz'eel was really naive, wasn't it...? If Alkab sends me a job offer, I'll gladly take up a clay tablet and learn how to write on one... But that won't happen either. Not that it would actually make me happy.
I don't know what would.
Yesterday was another proof that a lot of people care about me... I just don't know why. I really don't. They say that I'm helpful, that I'm a good person, that I'm keeping things stable and sane... But all of it just sounds like bullshit to me. Most of my life has been spent lying, and I'm still lying to them, right now. I'm lying to myself, too.
In the end, I don't know who I am, or what I want.
I'm stuck.
So, so stuck.
INTERMISSION
Play with the cards that you're dealt.
A cliche that I've been repeating to some... Most likely because I've been getting sloshed a lot and throwing my money at Slade, because at least getting a Royal Dragon made me feel something.
Repeated it to Frederica... "I will play the cards I have to prevent that."
"That" being my self-immolation through alcohol and a complete abandonment of self-preservation.
Repeated it to my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta. "If you don't like the cards, pick a more favorable ruleset."
Also, she was understandably rather angry at me for showing up tipsy to her office. She doesn't show emotion, much, so... A very telling sign that it's time to stop.
So. A couple of lessons, here.
Lesson I: Even if I don't understand why people care about me, or adore me, or even love me, that doesn't matter. I don't need to understand their reasons for doing so. What I need to understand that their reasons are genuine.
Lesson II: I will never learn to know myself if I try to do it on my own. I'm too much of a liar and performer for that. Other people are at least capable of telling the truth, so... Listen to them and improvise based on that.
Lesson III: As big of a wreck I am, I still have more than most. If I can't make myself happy, then I should focus on giving joy to others. And in the end... that makes me far happier than any bauble, any position, any status or anything like that could.
If people see me as just a Scribe...
Then I'll be the best fucking Scribe that there has ever been.
Even if I won't actually know what I'm doing more than half of the time.
Tammuz 24th, IY 7788
I think I know what my problem is... If I don't have meaningful work to distract myself with, my mind just keeps wandering, and eventually, it wanders to the past... And then I get stuck in a cycle of self-loathing, and if that keeps on for long enough, I burn out and explode... It's awful.
So, maybe the Chief Scribe's assignment was just a ploy to distract me. I don't know. But it's working... I enjoy making outfits for people, and I enjoy hearing how much they love them... The Divan uniforms do set quite a lot of limitations, but working under such a strict ruleset is a pleasant challenge. It has also forced me to make note of certain subtleties present in the Accord's uniforms... The copper tones of the Fourth, the silver accents of the Balladeers...
I also get a lot of tips and feedback from folk, too... Like Eclair! I really like working on the outfits with her advice! Because of her knightly demeanor and posture, she also makes for an excellent model!
And the Scribal Tailoring Kit... It is truly wondrous! Such immaculate scissors, and I never thought I'd be impressed by a mere sewing needle, but it truly is the most wondrous one I've ever had, or seen. I used to browse the markets, and just look at such tools without having the money for them... Even thought about stealing them, but... I think the only thing stopping me from doing that, back then, was because I doubted whether I would ever actually learn how to use them to their full extent.────────────────────
Others would probably laugh at me for being so fascinated about such simple things, but I'm a very simple person, in the end... Maybe that's another problem. I just work in politics, but I'm not a politician... So, despite people liking my oration skills... I don't know if someone as simple as me has an eye for the necessary plots, or has the willpower to push against all the nonsense from these lunatics... At least not at the fore.
Besides work... I was talking with Elias and Zuli, and Elias was telling us about his shampoo, which seemed...and smelled... truly fabulous! But then I got transported to the Burgus again! It was awful... A bunch of other people got stuck there, too. Someone or something gave us skin of clay! I like a good clay mask, every now and then, but that was just ridiculous! But then, we got out of there, because of a pixie... It was weird. I wish a witch would invent some sort of countercurse against wizards and their burguses... So, whenever they'd attempt to trap someone inside their burgus, it'd trap themselves, instead!
The Burgus is also such a drab place... It gave me no inspiration whatsoever for fashion! But the pixie did! I hope my kit has the particular green pigment I have in mind...
Tammuz 25th, IY 7788
I've been making a lot of progress on the Divan outfits! The problem is that I get some conflicting feedback... Especially for the Balladeer uniforms! Some prefer the version with the tabard, some prefer the suit... And Alejandro, for some reason, thought that it was for the Banda! I don't know why. He was the only one to think that... At least most of the feedback is useful. Someone did ask me about the color choices, and uh... they're for the factions...? I'm not going to make an orange outfit for the Balladeers!
That's for the Torchbearers!
Also, judging from some of the comments that I got... I think some Ephians might be color blind without realizing it...? How horrible!
The most difficult Divan uniform, by far, is the Fourth's... And that was the very first assignment. It's just that dark green is a really difficult color for suits... And I have to have those copper tones, too... But the most difficult aspect of them all, is the Samton Test! The outfit can't look weird on Samton! He's one of the pillars of the Fourth, now, so, the outfit has to look great on him! But he somehow manages to get his horridly thick thighs into those stylish sleek pants in an utterly strange manner... It's like a baobab with the tiniest set of roots...────────────────────
For some reason, Dante the Nadiri keeps turning into a dog. I think it's because he met a cursed dog on the road, and got infected with the dog curse. Which, I hear, is a thing. Well, I just keep hearing about cursed dogs out in the wastes, really... Maybe it's just hearsay spread by folk that don't care for puppers. Anyhow, grandpa Danebluff shanked him, because he doesn't like barking, or something. He's kind of scary. Getting shanked turned Dante back into a human, though... I hope that's not the only cure, because that's going to be so painful for him, otherwise!
I'm surprised that Dante was the only one to ask for one of my maamouls, though... I ate most of them by myself! I've been stress eating, a lot, lately... But I've also been stress jogging, so, that evens it out, because running away from your problems is the greatest form of exercise if you take it literally...
Tammuz 26th, IY 7788
Of course, when I'm assigned to a labor that I actually enjoy doing, someone immediately has to start complaining about it... And for some reason, she thinks that the outfits are for me. I could state what I'm doing a hundred times, and someone would still be unclear on it. You would think that walking around in the colors of the various factions of the Well would make it utterly obvious, but no such luck. Maybe she's one of the unfortunate that are blissfully unaware of the fact that there are colors other than black, gray and white.
For the utterly dim-witted and blind, "the Scribes do nothing" is a common topic, usually brought out when their escapades in hobgoblin bordellos start to bore them. It requires one to be willfully ignorant, and some are ready to engage in that just for the sake of getting some attention, I suppose. Maybe I'm an idiot for partaking... But it's so irritating. A Recluta can stand slack-jawed on the tavern floor between contracts, but nobody ever questions what they're doing. A Scribe brings some paperwork over to somewhere other than the Pyramid and some dickweed immediately begins asking why "they aren't working".────────────────────
And why the fuck does she think that the eleven thousand dinar was just for my wages...? It is just such an incredibly stupid thing to say that it feels like she's just getting it wrong on purpose... Especially when I transferred two thousand dinar to the Scribe wages myself, paying it out of my own income... Not that it matters. I really could announce that I'm adding ten thousand dinar to the wage treasury myself, out of my own pocket, because I want my colleagues to be paid, and people would still ask where the money came from, and why. Because brain damage is the most common condition for those that engage in politics here...
Some people here are so hollow, and so angry due to the least meaningful of shit, that they have to take it out on whomever they can find... And for a few people, that happens to be me, because I'm an emotional mess, and I respond when prodded long enough. I kind of feel like just staying at the Pyramid all day, again, because whenever I leave, someone has to ruin my day just for the sake of doing so...
Tammuz 27th, IY 7788
I loved him so much.
Seeing him leave the Well always had me so worried... Not because he couldn't protect himself, but because the wastes are fraught with danger to such an extent that nobody is safe.
Worry.
On occasion, especially as my body shivers and trembles as it does now, I wish I could return to the shield of apathy that I created to shelter myself from the Pasha's cruelty...
Yet then I witness how those that feel nothing go on about their lives, especially after such tragedies. They scurry together, hurl insults at those that are already hurting, project their own massive weaknesses onto others, yapping like attention-starved dogs, all because there is a moment in time where people are focused on someone other than them.────────────────────
The world has far more need of those that actually care. He did. And so will I, even if the cost is day after day spent amidst the agony of loss.
I wish I could hug him. I can still hear his voice, and see his smile, but how long will that last...? Memories are so fragile... and for me, especially the pleasant ones seem to bear that flaw.
I walked to the archives, again... Opened the file, again... Removed another letter, again. My greatest fear is that there will be no letters left. Reading it now... I really should put more thought into them. Yet I don't want to spend too much time with them, to begin with...
He was my best friend. Each and every day, I looked forward to spending time with him. I'm not sure what I have to look forward to, now... Because currently, I just fear of losing more of my friends.
A letter.
Alejandro,
you are one of the kindest people that I have ever met. I always felt that there was a sadness hidden underneath, but I did not pry. I didn't feel like I could help... In fact I felt like I would've made things worse if I had asked. I am sorry if you felt like that I should have done more.
Our chats atop the rooftops, our shared glasses of wine... They were moments of genuine joy for me. I felt like I could be myself, for a chance. And after a spell, I acted so in front of others, as well. I thank you for this. I hope that I gave you the same opportunity.
You probably suspected it, but I didn't wish to talk about it. I am sorry. It's just not something I wanted people to see me as, but... I used to be a slave. I was freed somewhere in my early twenties. From what I remember, anyhow. I didn't have a happy childhood. I never knew my parents. This isn't an attempt to drown you in emotional baggage. I just thought that I should finally admit the truth to you, and stop the act.
Most of my life has been an act. Our friendship wasn't. Every moment that I spent with you, I loved. I have never loved a friend before. I am not even sure if I had friends, before you. I truly loved you, without any hesitation.
Love. I hope that you can find it. I know that you have a type, but... Consider someone who isn't a hurtful jackass. You deserve someone who will actually cherish you.
Bashir
Tammuz 28th, IY 7788
That malicious Don Honey, Horatio Servario, struck again! He teleported me from the Pyramid's stairs, all the way to the Tower... And right next to Zain! I think he had just woken up. Thankfully, he was fully clothed! That could've been really awkward... Anyhow, because we're both finding this rather irritating, we decided to pull a trick on Horatio Servario, and pretend that we're trying to go steady, in order to avoid a real relationship, which Horatio Servario might force us into, at some point, because of his magickal matchmaking powers. This makes perfect sense!
Also, Zain said that he finds me extremely comforting to be around, so, there's that too...
Niranye's art gallery had its opening, finally, and it was a most grand affair! There was plenty of wondrous art, and even a most comprehensive collection of Ephian poetry! It's obvious that everyone involved had worked very hard to make it a possibility... My favorite works were... Zain's, of course! He even made a tapestry of me, which was really touching. A newcomer to the Well, Mr. Bongo, really liked my painting of Tonka, and thanked me for allowing him to appreciate art more! Something like that, anyhow... Plenty of other folk liked the painting too... I think Tonka's famous, now! At least slightly so.────────────────────
Rashid, like always, was being a grumpy dickweed! He kept saying that every piece of art on display was either juvenile or self-indulgent... He did like Magnifica, though...? I think. Maybe it was sarcasm. Maybe he has a soft spot for plump chickadees... Oh yeah, Magnifica wanted people to look at her, so she was just kind of hanging around Zain's tapestries... Even Grandpa Danebluff seems to like chickens, because he gave some garlic for her to snack on. Maybe Magnifica was the only thing keeping him from going on a shanking spree!
So... It was kind of a good day. I was reminded of Alejandro on a constant basis, though... But I somehow managed to keep my composure. I did want to cry a lot. But the Well is not really a place to cry in public, even if your reasons are genuine... I hope that there'll be a few days of peace, at least, to calm my nerves... But I highly doubt that will happen.
Tammuz 29th, IY 7788
He's resting, now. There isn't more to it than that.
Funerals are a strange affair, though. In general... Important to work through those emotions, of course, but it's interesting how differently people can see a single person... At least they seem to focus on very different things. But I suppose that's life for you...
Been very lethargic for the past few days... Feel like sleeping for most of the day. Means that I have to do my work in hasty bursts, but... At least I get to rest, too. Even if I'm a little worried that I'm making a lot of mistakes... With the work, I mean. In general, I really haven't done much else other than mistakes, lately...
Don't even know if I wrote that right, but I'm very, very, very tired.
I've also been considering the transfer... But I don't really get job offers, so... Still stuck here. I think I have about a month left. Maybe less. Lately, folk have been plenty aggressive towards me, so... You'd think it'd be more focused on the Vizier thing, but it's... all a bunch of bullshit. Feel like they're grasping at straws, really. Like I said, I've made a lot of actual mistakes... Plenty to yell about there, but folk here are just weird, and have to come up with excuses, instead.────────────────────
When I end up shanked, or turned into ash, whatever... Some people are going to ask... "Why didn't he get a contract with the Banda?"
As if last week didn't prove that a protection contract with the Banda is one of the worst investments that you can make, and effectively meaningless, in the end. Hells, I half expect them to be the folk doing the stabbing... All because of some bloodthirsty whim, I suppose...
This is all really depressing... But I don't have much to be joyful over. Zain, I guess. But even if there is some snippet of potential there, well... Someone's going to ruin it, aren't they? And this time it won't even be me, because I really, really, really want to do things right, this time.
Tammuz 30th, IY 7788
Zain's dying.
Not much else to say about that. He's dying. I can't do anything about it. I'll be forced to watch him die, slowly. It'll be painful. Not much else but pain and sorrow, of late. Maybe it makes things meaningful...
Not really... Not alone, anyhow. That's just an excuse people tell themselves... Meaning can spring forth from any emotion. It's just that around here, sorrow's the most common.
I also found out that even with my raise, a lot of people make far more than my Scribe's wage... Some of them have been whining about my money for months. Yet they make far more, themselves. Fucking hypocrites.
Right now, most of my income's from my books and various odd jobs, anyhow. I don't think there's any point in telling them that. Some lunatic will just get the notion that my book sales are paid through the Stele, or something else inane like that, and refuse to believe anything else, because they're incapable of letting go of the first whim that surges through their tiny little pea brain.────────────────────
Otherwise, I've just been sleeping. A lot more. I've also been mending uniforms for my colleagues. I like it. In fact, I like it far more than any Assembly. Maybe it's just distracting enough. But it does also feel like I'm actually helping...
Distractions are nice.
Looking back at my time here... I've taken a lot of steps backwards. But I don't really mind... I've started from scratch, before. Plenty of times. There's a weird comfort to it.
Loss, on the other hand...
You don't get used to it. Some folk say that you do, but... They didn't get used to it. They just stopped caring. There's a big difference.
Last of Tammuz... But I don't think the tears will cease.A letter to Hadas Apter-Ziskind.
Haz,
I'm ditching the Qadiran idea. They don't deserve any of the attention. Much as I laughed at the pirate with the three peg legs, myself... Not worth the effort. Or the risks.
I have a few other ideas. Well, I have a lot of ideas, but only a few of them are actually good.
Bit of a veering, but I was considering something a little more serious, for a change. Still got plenty of ideas for comedy... again, most of them shit... but I also want to try something new. One's more autobiographical. Not the pretentiously serious kind, mind you. Plenty to laugh about when it comes to my life.
List's attached. Tell me if any of them would sell. And tell Reyhan I said "hello". Just in fancier words than that.
Bashir
A letter from Doctor Vijaya Bollimunta.
Bashir.
Please come to my office. As soon as possible. It is important.
I am not angry. About last time.
It was worrying. But I am not angry.
Bring Tonka.
Doctor Vijaya Bollimunta.
An entry from another journal.
TAMMUZ 30TH IY 7788
HIS TEMPORAL LENGTHS ARE FILLED WITH SUCH DOLOR THAT IT IS ABSORBED INTO MY BEING SYNCHRONOUSLY.
HE INSISTS ON STATING THAT "IT IS NO TROUBLE", YET THE ANTIPODE IS TRUE. IT IS A LOT OF TROUBLE.
WHAT A CURIOUS PERSONAGE.
I DESPISE NINETY NINE PERCENTAGE OF PERSONAGES, YET I DO NOT DESPISE HIM.
I DESPITE THAT.
ABSORBED KNOWLEDGE FOR THE WEEK OF TAMMUZ 22ND
WAYFINDERS WARDINGS VOL I
MUSICAL HISTORY OF EPHIA'S WELL
THE REPUBLIC BETRAYED (INCOMPLETE REMNANTS)
A THEORY ON FATE AND FATIDICAL MANIPULATION
THE PAST IS DEAD – EMBRACE THE IMMINENT
Maribeh 1st, IY 7788
I missed a lot yesterday... Apparently they killed the Cabin "Prince"... I heard they beheaded him, and everything... That doesn't really make me feel much. I guess I'm kind of glad he's dead, but it doesn't bring Alejandro back. Gedwyr assaulted Blackvale, too, because he's apparently being a burglar, now. Disgusting rat... I'm not sure why exactly he gets to walk around as if nothing happened. Or the rest of the "court", for that matter. Makes the First Seat look corrupt, and the Fourth Legion incompetent.
Which they probably are.
One of the sadder things after Alejandro's death has been some of his supposed "friends" engaging in disgusting gossip regarding him... Well, I'm not sure if they're directly engaged in it themselves, but they still associate with people who are doing it. Absolutely reprehensible behavior... I feel so sorry for Elias, too. He genuinely loved Alejandro, and these "friends" just stand there ineffectually while Alejandro's beau is treated like shit...
Don't know if I'll be able to even feign trusting them, now... They're absolutely horrible people.────────────────────
Dante really made Malik mad... So mad that he was going to cut off his tongue. His doggy tongue, because he was a dog, again. I don't really get it... Anything about it, really, because it was really weird, just in general. I kind of want to see a fight between a man and a mandog... Kind of. I mean, if it was an actual dog, I wouldn't want to, but since it's a mandog, it's probably less morally questionable.
I visited my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, and she told me to stop drinking... Completely. I asked if it would be fine to have a nightcap, every now and then, but she said no... I have to stop it forever, or my liver is going to actually explode... Also, I'm apparently a really embarrassing drunk, but she's the first to tell me that... Well, she isn't, but she's the first person that I actually respect, to tell me that... I think I care about avoiding embarrassment more than my liver, so... I'm going to follow her treatment, which is... drinking two spoonfuls from this flask that she gave me. And after the flask is empty, I can't drink a drop of alcohol, ever again! Or my liver will explode.
And I'd probably embarrass myself even more if I kept going! Because it would be more likely with an exploded liver, come to think of it... So I'll be following her prescription to the letter!
Maribeh 2nd, IY 7788
Some folk keep asking me to return to the Vizier's position... I'm sure that they mean well, but they're effectively asking me to torture myself for no reason, so... Not going to happen. Mending uniforms is a giant leap backwards, but... At least nobody's yelling at me about it. Not yet, anyhow... I'm sure that someone will.
I had a long talk with Elias... Well, it was mostly just me whining about my job, but he didn't seem to mind. He's had to talk with a lot of assholes in the past few days, so, listening to a lesser asshole was probably a nice change... I do hope that he'll have better days ahead. Not that it seems very likely... Azimi's being even more awful than usual. She's pretty much trying to ruin Elias' reputation, because she didn't get jack shit from Alejandro. I have no idea why she expected anything in the first place, anyhow...
It was obvious that I had to update my own will, but... I think I'm going to add an Azimi clause, there. In gigantic, bold lettering... Simply to ensure that everyone knows that she has nothing to do with my will, that she isn't a friend of mine in any way, and that she has absolutely no fucking say in my will or any of my possessions.
Of course, that'll probably be utterly pointless, because she'll claim that anyhow, all the while some of the folk that call themselves my "friends" will be doing nothing to stop her, because they'll find it inconvenient.────────────────────
There's a new store in the Palm Heights...? Angelica's...? She's having a fashion contest. I want to take part... But I'll probably lose... I don't know, I've been lacking motivation and self-esteem, lately. I kind of have some ideas, I guess... It's just that Alejandro had such great taste, and I kind of don't feel even trying without his advice.
I do want to give it a try, but it's just that... Someone will yell at me for trying. I just know it... I'm so fucking tired of people yelling at me... Even when I'm just trying to give folk a little joy, I get yelled at, and it's fucking awful...
The medicine that my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, gave me, tastes awful... And I keep seeing wine everywhere, so it's been really difficult... But I'll still keep at it. I don't want my liver to explode in a humiliating fashion...
Maribeh 3rd, IY 7788
Blackvale's trial felt strange... Even though I was obviously glad that he was punished in some form for what he did to Alejandro and Elias... even if the trial wasn't directly about that... It also, in some strange way, felt like just another trial among many. Maybe I've been transcribing too many of them. Atticus' approach to jurisprudence is peculiar... Choice combined with brutality... I'm not sure if it will set a precedent or not.
I really don't like going to Il Modo... Well, the city is nice enough, but that Paula is such a ruthlessly talented politician that it scares me. I did try to get Balstan to haggle the barrels down to a far lower amount, but he kind of just ended up circling back to the beginning, and now we're giving them a hundred barrels for simply attending Kardesler... I think they're going to show up just to make fun of us. I wouldn't be surprised of that at all...
A hundred barrels is a massive amount. The previous two already caused a rather sizeable scandal, so... I can't wait to see how much noise folk are going to make about this.────────────────────
Tomorrow's Kardesler...
I feel like vomiting.
I'm not sure if it's the medicine, or the knowledge that I'll be dead within a few days.
Probably both.
MARIBEH 4TH, IY 7788
MY ROOMMATE IS SHIRKING FROM HIS RESPONSIBILITY OF ABSORBING AND SHARING KNOWLEDGE. BECAUSE OF THIS I AM SUPPLANTING HIM FOR TODAY.
MARTIN OF ASHBURY IS A MOST CURSED PERSONAGE. FOUL OCCURRENCES SURROUND HIS PASSING THROUGH THE SPATIO-TEMPORAL PLANE. TODAY I HAVE CALCULATED A TOTAL OF 21 SEPERATE ACCIDENTS. YESTERDAY THEY ACCOUNTED 53. HOWEVER THIS WAS THE AMOUNT THAT I CALCULATED THROUGH MY TWELVE SENSES AND IT IS VERY LIKELY THAT SOME OCCURRENCES WERE NOT REGISTERED DESPITE THEIR PERFECT TUNING AS MY SENSES ARE NOT OMNIPRESENT.
MY ROOMMATE SUSPECTS MARTIN OF ASHBURY OF CONSUMING HIS TAILORING KIT. DESPITE HIS PECULIAR ESSENTIA IT IS A FACT THAT THE CONSUMPTION MUSCULATURE OF PERSONAGES MAKES THIS HIGHLY UNLIKELY.
TONKA, NUISANCE OF AGES, KEEPS SNIFFING MY HOME AND GURNING. THIS IS DUE TO HER IMPERFECT MEMORY. IF THE AROMA OF MY ABODE OF GLASS IS TRULY SO LOATHSOME TO HER LIMITED SENSES THEN SHE WOULD SIMPLY STOP DOING SO IF SHE WAS CAPABLE OF RETAINING SIMPLE INFORMATION.
PREDOMINANTLY SHE IS FAR LESS OF A NUISANCE IN THE PRESENT TEMPORAL GATHERING. AS SUCH I AM EXCHANGING HER COGNOMEN TO "BOTHERATION OF PARTICULAR MOMENTS". THIS ELOQUENT HONORIFIC IS MOST SUITABLE FOR HER.────────────────────
MY ROOMMATE ABSORBS MEDICAMENT INTO HIS BEING THROUGH THE AID OF A CURVED IMPLEMENT. HE FEELS NO POSITIVE PASSIONS OVER THE CONSUMPTION OF THIS MEDICAMENT. I ABSORBED SOME OF THE MEDICAMENT INTO MY OWN BEING AND IT WAS THE FOULEST CORPOREITY THAT I HAVE EVER BROUGHT INTO MYSELF. MY THOUGHT PATTERNS ADVOCATE HIM TO STOP THE ABSORPTION. YET HE STATES THAT NOT DOING SO WILL CAUSE THE ELIMINATION OF ONE OF HIS FLAWED ORGANS.
MY ROOMMATE'S BEING IS VERY DISCONSOLATE. THIS IS DUE TO MANY OF HIS ADHERENTS UNDERGOING SOUL DELIVERANCE. HE ENVISAGES THIS OCCURRING TO HIS BEING ALSO. AS THE PERSONAGES OF THE WELL OF EPHIA ARE DECIDEDLY DESTRUCTIVE SUCH IS HIGHLY PROBABLE.
I WOULD PRESERVE HIM, YET MY TRUE FORM CAN ONLY LAST FOR A RELATIVE INSTANT IN THIS SPATIO-TEMPORAL PLANE.
Maribeh 5th, IY 7788
What a strange affair Kardesler was... And so full of surprises!
The first surprise was who showed up! I wasn't expecting Tlonsiyya, or Banafsi... And certainly not those exiled dwarves of Got Valdhazr! It finally solved the mystery of who was living in that fortress... It's a bunch of really depressed dwarves! Domhnall would've loved these guys... If they weren't originally fom High Kulkund... Which comes first, the revolutionary camaraderie or the sad solidarity?
The second surprise... Marcellus just gave Kha'esh everything they wanted without even trying to negotiate! If it wasn't him, I'd start fearing that they put some form of... geese... on him... Whatever the magickally oriented folks call that curse that makes you do dumb shit! But it's Marcellus, so he probably thought that was a good idea. Maybe he was really tired, and wanted to get a nap, as soon as possible...?
The third surprise... My own negotiations went as well as they could've, really. I didn't screw up too badly, anyhow... I managed to get us right on the path to opening trade with Tlonsiyya! Of course, folk were asking me why I didn't push for more... They really should take a look at Narwen's wondrous map, and see where Tlonsiyya is located! Their poor city can't afford to make any major commitments to any side of another war, fought in the shadows...────────────────────
Also, folk were also saying that the Vice-Chancellor was flirting with me... and that I was flirting with him! That's utter nonsense! I just really like his bravado, and attitude in general... And I guess he might like me, too. Just because we're both members of the Velvet Connoisseur Club, doesn't mean that we can't be just friends! Or chums... Or acquaiantances...
Oh, and King Osiron was as nutty as this maamoul that I'm eating! Which is delicious, by the way... Anyhow, he's crazy, and I kind of expect Ephians to be dumb enough to think that he's actually giving us a million men... I mean, they did think that Qadira was actually giving us warships, before, so... That's nice.
Anyhow, I'm really nervous about Angelica's contest... I have been designing endlessly, and now I have this really pretty dress, inspired by Akna, but I'm still not entirely sure about the top... Well, not endlessly, I only had a day to design, really, because my tailoring kit was missing... And Martin got it back! I need to return the favor, somehow. I think I'll buy him a dozen dozens... yes, a dozen dozens... of sausage rolls! I don't know where they sell them, though...
Maribeh 6th, IY 7788
I won Angelica's contest! I thought that I was going to lose, for sure... I've been having problems with self-esteem, lately... I was so sure that either Meadow or Zaheera would win! Meadow's design was highly utilitarian... While Zaheera's was simply stylish! I also liked how comfy and cozy Cogsworth's wizardly pajamas looked... I was so surprised that I won! It's just that lately, I've been so used to people telling me that I'm doing good work even though I'm not... So, that kind of affects my tailoring, as well.
Now, our prize for winning... Angelica wants us to work as designers for her shop, and maybe even as judges for future contests! Both of those sound really fun, so, I look forward to helping! Though judging sounds difficult, because I don't want to be too mean... I wonder how many folk will be buying our first designs...? Will "The Boreal Breeze" prove to be the... hottest... No, "hottest" doesn't really work for it... The freshest in style, for folk of good taste?
I'm just not sure how long I can keep helping, or keep living, in general... Lately, the town feels so dangerous... I'm pretty sure someone's been following me. There's a lot of doors opening and closing behind me, even though I can't see anyone... I think somebody's sneaking around, and they're going to shank me, soon...────────────────────
And I don't even know why, I guess because of rumors...? A lot of folk say that I'm so rich, yet then there's folk who walk around with at least five times as much money than me, and they're never mentioned in such gossip... A lot of folk assume that I have political power, too...? I don't... I just mend and design uniforms, now... I only talked to the Vice-Chancellor because they didn't have anyone else that knows him that well... Even my seat on the War Council is highly questionable, because it's just me giving advice that goes ignored. I guess they listen to what I know about the city states, so, I really am a tour guide, at this point.
I just wish that I could keep designing clothes, helping my colleagues, doing my hobbies... Write a book or two, here and there... But I don't think that's on the cards, anymore. Ephians are crazy enough that I'm more scared of them than the war...
Maribeh 7th, IY 7788
They finally made that jaunt off to the Goreheart with the magick carpet, to scout it out... It sounds absolutely awful there! Anyhow, they managed to come back, but a lot of people almost died... And Isadora did die, unfortunately. Apparently her head exploded and a bunch of nasty blood monsters came out of it! That's so gross, and so disgusting, and so wrong, and so absolutely awful that it should have never happened! Poor Isadora... Scouting seems like dangerous work...
Anyhow, now that they've finally scouted it out, at least once... I am wondering if Pook Ulbo's wife is finally free. If I had to guess... I would bet on "no". I think Pook Ulbo's going to be renting that carpet for the rest of his life, and his wife is just going to have to get used to living in the basement of some unsavory types... I mean, I've read a few shoddy novelettes where the kidnappee falls in love with the kidnapper! Maybe that can actually happen, for real...?
Oh, and apparently Narwen made a mistake, or something, and a lot of folk were angry at her... I feel so sorry for her! And Sister Selsi was napping or something while folk needed more cures for Stern's disease...?
As for some better news, Angelica's was finally opened! Plenty of folk came to the Palm Heights to gawk at the fashionable fashions, the stylish styles, and the tasteful tastefulness... So, the absolutely fabulous clothes on display! The prices are quite high, but who can really put a price on fashion...? Well, Angelica can, and so can I, now. But that's besides the point... People were rather impressed, but I don't think anyone bought the dress I designed. That's fine... Even if it's just Eclair wearing it, at least folk seem to love it...? Not enough to wear it, seemingly, but... And now I made myself kind of peeved. Fuck!────────────────────
I do have some more designs in the works. Most, if not all, are for women...
The Spice of Life: Inspired by the fancy ladies that browse the Souk, occasionally! It's a rather fancy gown... Originally, it was supposed to be an orange velvet, with some mica, for a really ostentatious touch... But I made it a little too orange. There has to be more subtleties beyond the sparkly mica!
The Heron: I wanted to have something inspired by our state bird, even though my problems with them are well known... Anyhow, all my ideas with herons are really revealing, so, this one has a lot of thigh showing. I guess it's the long heron legs. Whatever. It's kind of like a qipao mixed with a loincloth. I don't know what I was thinking... I kind of feel like scrapping this one.
The Secretary: The name's kind of boring, but I have this idea for a really fancy yet utilitarian uniform, meant for clerks or officers... Stylish jacket that goes down to the waist, thigh high boots that are still tasteful... Leggings...? I might ask the Chief Scribe if she'd be interested in this one...
???: I had a dream of a sorceress... She was surrounded by a dead wasteland, and I do mean dead, even deader than now! Anyhow, what's more important was that she was wearing this fancy robe, marred by time... So, the fine, once crimson robe, had become a lot more subdued, and the metallic accents had stained, due to the constant grinding of ash and sand against them... This one's kind of depressing.
Oh, and Balstan tried on a top hat, and cloak, and he looked like a pimp! He was really only missing a cane to smack some streetwalkers...
Maribeh 8th, IY 7788
Dante the Dogdiri said that I should try to make Zain believe in living, so that we can have have many happy memories in the years to come... The first problem is that Zain is really stubborn, and I probably can't convince him of that. I mean, there was that one time he nearly jumped off the Mount, and all I managed to do was to get an extra day before he would've done that, so... It was Alejandro who managed to defuse the situation. And I obviously can't ask for his help now, so...
The second problem is that I'm not sure if there are any happy days to be had, in the future. I'd still share sad moments with him, rather than anyone else...
Azimi and Margarine really wanted to speak to Hypatia... They made it such a public affair, that I simply had to help, before it became utterly embarassing... But, in the search for Hypatia, not only did Dante the Dogdiri ring the Priory's bell fifty times... But I also accidentally saw Margarine and Caddick holding hands in the Torchbearer Hall's bedroom! I really didn't want to see that! Mostly because it made Margarine really mad. Partially because I prefer to see cute guys holding hands...────────────────────
Anyhow, in the end, it turned out that Hypatia was doing boardwork, which made Azimi and Hypatia really mad. At least for a spell. Boardwork is the latest fad among the Sisterhood... I'm not sure why! I considered the possibility of the Cup being found in a goblin's cupboard, but Azimi used her wondrous divining powers to clarify that the Cup would never be found during any boardwork, whatsoever...
Maybe it's just good exercise. Though you would think they'd get plenty of that through carrying all those big ol' wine barrels...
I lost my tailoring kit, again... I really need to stop leaving it on the desk at the office. If even for a minute or two... But I was so distracted! Someone brought in some chocolate babka! I could never resist such a tasty treat...
Oh, and the election started. I'm not sure if I have to do some form of election outfits...? Probably not. I hope not. Elections don't really stir the creative spirit in me...
Maribeh 9th, IY 7788
The meeting of the Purple was mostly a quiet affair, this time around, but... Aaisha fired Arymathras, because he was being a weirdo, and not wearing his uniform, and well, in general, he's not been doing his job at all... And then, to top it off, he started badmouthing the League after being told to leave...? What a weird guy. I'm not sure at all why he applied to be a Scribe...? He mispriced one license, which is fine, even if he really should've asked, or... well, read the damn slab of rock with the prices listed. After that, I tried my best to get to know him, so I could give him assignments that he'd like, but... He refused to speak with me, or any of his other colleagues? It was just plain weird.
Certainly one of the strangest hires we've ever had... But with all this politickry going on, I expect people to call him "diligent", despite him not doing his job at all. I really don't get some of the people that apply for the job... Utter weirdos. There's a Stonefolk of few words that applied recently, and I certainly hope that he's actually sane!────────────────────
Anyhow, I've been looking for models for some of my designs, because I'm not sure if they fit anyone else other than humans... The courses I did were strangely focused on them, so, I know their measurements by heart. Well, Elara was interested in modeling them, so, I had her try them on.... Turns out that human and elven measurements can be so different that most of them didn't fit her at all! Elves are simply so petite that everything looked like a sack of potatoes on her. So, I'm scrapping two of three designs... I've no interest in designing clothes only for humans, that's just bad business!
So, I'm left with the "Spice of Life"... It needs a lot of work, still. Difficult cloth to work with, doesn't take kindly to most of the pigments that I have, so... Figuring out the color alone will take ages! Especially considering that I still haven't found my tailoring kit! I'm so distraught over its loss... But it has to be somewhere in the Pyramid!
Maribeh 10th, IY 7788
I had some wine, accidentally... Old habit, didn't even realize what I was doing until the top of the bottle was on my lips, and the wine reached my tongue... It tasted awful. And I do mean awful... I guess that's kind of a good thing. I just wish my habits weren't so compulsory... and that I had more healthy sources of joy.
The new Junior Scribe, Rur Nok, seems competent enough... I hope that I can help him get started, here. When it comes to careers, that's all I can really hope for, at this point. Helping others with theirs. I'm kind of obsolete, myself, and just stick to the office, aiding my colleagues when I can. It's a curious feeling. I like helping, but it's kind of a pain knowing that I'm stuck, myself, with no hope of advancing further. Gate to Baz'eel's closed, if it ever was open to begin with.
Hopefully the guy starts speaking more, difficult to know what directions should be given, when the destination is uncharted...────────────────────
Dante's a real weird guy... He even has a monkey writing for him when he's a donkey? I mean dog. I don't really get it. Is the monkey another Nadiri, that's been cursed with spontaneous animalitude...? It's all odd... Also, I think Eclair's starting to lose her patience with me... I was just curious about what was going on with Dante, and his dog curse, but she seemed a bit peeved that I was there. I guess I should just stick to work... Even if all these weird events are the only interesting thing that I have in my days with my tailoring kit still being missing.
Also... There was a riot in the Souk? I don't really know what about. The Union and their shop? I haven't got a clear idea. Folk don't really tell me much, these days. And when they tell me something, it's usually a bunch of bullshit. So, even if someone told me something, I'm not sure if I could trust them, much.
To be honest, if I did get a job offer from Alkab, or Il Modo, anywhere else at all, as long as there was some semblance of safety... I'd probably take it, at this point.
Maribeh 11th, IY 7788
I hate Stern. Embarassing me in front of so many people... I don't want to speak to her, ever again. Whenever someone talks ill of her, now, I won't even try to point out that she's at least competent on some level... It'll be all white noise, now. And if she wants to be part of some delegation, just so that she can stand in the back, hood up, like a lost, shy puppy with a cold, I'll vote for some other Apothar, because at least they'll be doing something.
And Elias, in turn, doesn't want to speak to me, it seems... I cried for a while, because he just left, seeming rather disappointed with me... Maybe he doesn't like that I'm still hanging around with Eclair. I don't know... She's such a good friend, though... Even if it took a while for her to look for me after Stern was a rude idiot towards me...
I couldn't even gamble to cheer myself up, because the den was closed. I think everyone there was reassigned to the riots...? I don't know. I just wanted to play some Royal Dragon...
Narwen did talk to me too, though, and she cheered me up, like always. She's a great friend... I just wish I could do more for her, myself. But her problems seem to always be tied to stuffs and things that I can't really do much about... Unless it's just her being sad, then I can at least try to lift her spirits!────────────────────
Also... Grandpa Danebluff punched Zuli because he's scared of sneaks? I think he's going senile. I should walk around really loudly, when I'm around him, just so that he doesn't mistake me for a sneak! Oh, and I should figure a way for Zuli to be safe from such brutes...
Also, also... A bunch of people went to some dangerous island, because this skeevy Modini asked them. They didn't even ask how much the job pays! And I think that Modini's engaging in the exploitation of penal labor! I think that island is where the Modini send anyone that they don't like, just so that they can have a labor force for free! Because this is my journal, I can just call it what it is... Slavery! In public, some pedants with brain damage would go "well, akshtually, because of my brain damage chausing my teeny weeny brain to be infhected with pointlessh pedanthry, I don't shee thish as shlavery", because that always happens.
Also, also, also... Azimi was chasing that lady from Gohari around, apparently, for some reason. Maybe they have a doll machine?
Maribeh 12th, IY 7788
The Balladeers banned animals from around the Verdant Stage... That's so dumb! I don't know why, Tonka's such a well-behaved lady... But now we can't really go there, since she spends a lot of time napping in my bag... It's unfair! The Balladeers also have a cat... and a big ol' wolf... so, I don't know why it's such a big problem to have some pets in the audience.
I haven't seen Welly in a long while, but he showed up, and asked me for some help! It was surprising, and it was such a weird request... I'll help him, if I can, but I don't really know why he came to me regarding that? I hope others don't associate me with that, because it's embarassing.
Gulgrea is one of the new refugees, and she's interested in becoming a Torchbearer... She has a big ol' bow, and she used to live on the back of a groknak...? In fact, the groknak had an entire Tablet on its back? That's one giant groknak! I think living on the back of a giant groknak would be interesting, but wouldn't there be a lot of shaking and quaking...? All my pots and pans would fly all over the place while the groknak journeyed through the dunes! I don't think I'd like that very much...────────────────────
Anyhow... Alric quit! To study archaeology... He said that he'll be back once he graduates, but I don't know... I kind of have a suspicion that he'll just become a full-time archaeologist, instead. I'm really disappointed, because we really don't get a whole lot of hires like him... Diligent Scribes are so hard to find. I think there's just Rur Nok, now, and I don't want him to have too much work... I'm not sure where Horton is. He came back from his vacation and immediately disappeared!
Kind of makes me envious... I'm just stuck here. Though I'm not sure what I'd even study if I could just decide to do so on a whim. I don't think that they teach tailoring, there. And it seems like such a shitty school, to begin with... I'm not going to tell Alric that, though.
So... More work. It all feels pointless, really. At least I make enough to pay the bills, I guess.
Maribeh 13th, IY 7788
I still haven't found my tailoring kit... So, I've just been drafting ideas for the next Hardacre... or next book, in general, I haven't really decided on what I want to do. There's a lot of time for ideas... I get so much downtime, lately. Even with how many Scribes there are, the uniforms don't get damaged that often, and it's not like I'm the only one mending them...
To fall from such a relative height, to this... Maybe there is an air of humiliation to it. I think to anyone else, it'd be a punishment, the kind of assignment that's designed to break you. But I don't really mind the labor... At least I'm fixing something, and my colleagues are at least thankful for it. Even if some do find it funny that it's me doing it...
It is a little funny.
For a moment there, I thought that maybe this was it. Keep laboring as a Scribe, find something I'm good at, achieve a position important enough to carry some weight behind it, then use it to help others, maybe get out of this hellhole and do that from somewhere safer...
Naive.
Mending these holes in these uniforms achieves more than I could ever hope to achieve as the Vizier. And all I need to protect myself from pricks, here, is a thimble...────────────────────
And even though this is helpful, I'm still not sure why so many folk are so insistent that I stay here. Especially to such an extent that I get a gaggle of Sisters following me around, as if that's just a regular thing that happens to everyone. On occasion, I feel like it's all just a cruel joke, for some. "Let's keep this asshole stuck in this job that makes him miserable, and keep telling him that he's good at it!"
And to others... Well, they just need someone to sell licenses, really. They can choke on them, for all I care. If someone ran for Legate on a platform dedicated to eradicating licensure from existence, I'd probably vote for them.
It isn't all bad, though... I taught Tonka how to do backflips. And frontflips... She did get a little too excited, and kept doing them, which made her dizzy for a while. It was really cute.
Maribeh 14th, IY 7788
These quiet days really leave me with too much time for rumination.
How many schemes have I been in the middle of, over the past year or so? Countless... Plenty of folk who need a naive idiot, whether for plausible deniability or something else. From the very first week... Hells, the first month had them lying to me about the baublium. You'd think that the lies would stop, at some point... but... proving yourself trustworthy here has a whole different meaning to it.
Admittedly my honesty is a curious sort... I did lie to get this job, yet the honesty, and doing this all by the book, it's been... honest. I don't know. I don't really have patience for fancy words, right now.
Makes me wonder how different things would've been if I had been crooked, instead. Probably would've ended up dead within the first month or two, really.
So... The reward for honesty is that you get to live, a little longer, really. You get hassled and threatened every single day, sure, but you get to live.────────────────────
I don't really understand their schemes, though. Most of them seem don't seem to pay off. The ones that do only offer temporary benefits... Then the schemers die in an embarassing fashion, and most folk forget about them. Then another jackass pops up, and folk flock around them, for some reason.
Only thing that seems to last here is the scheming itself.
Another odd thing is... People here seem genuinely confused to see me sad, or angry, or just uncomfortable in general. It's as if apathy is the expected norm. Especially with whimsical undertones. Because losi██ most of one's friends... and being threatened, humiliated and lied to on a daily basis... are just utterly hilari███ things.
They ask why ██████ I don't trust them, then lie ██████ ███ to me as the very next ac█. They ask why I fear for my life, then stand ██████ ineffectually while ██████████ threatens me. They ask why I'm not smili██, all the while doing everything that they can to make my life miserable.
They ask a ██████████ of stupid shit. ████
Maribeh 15th, IY 7788
How long have we known each other for, Inky?
A HUNDRED AND NINETY TWO DAYS, FOUR HOURS, TWENTY ONE MINUTES, THIRTY THREE SECONDS, FOUR DECISECONDS, ONE CENTISECOND AND SEVEN MILLISECONDS. TO BE EXACT, AT THE TIME I FINISHED WRITING THE LAST LETTER OF THAT SENTENCE, INSIDE THE FRAMEWORK OF YOUR LIMITED UNDERSTANDING.
I don't even know what a "decisecond" is!
HOW HORRIFYING. HUNDRED AND NINETY TWO DAYS, THEN, WHEN FORMULATED WITHIN YOUR SEVERELY LIMITED UNDERSTANDING.
It's not that limited... Anyhow... I've been kind of focused on my own issues, lately, and I just kind of realized that I've never asked about your feelings... I don't think so, anyhow... So. How are you?
WHAT?
How are you? Doing, or feeling...?
I... I AM FINE.
What have you been up to...? Besides reading those books I got for you...?
THIS EXCHANGE OF INFORMATION IS MOST PECULIAR. IT IS LIGHTWEIGHT IN FORM, WITHOUT AN OBVIOUS PURPOSE. WHAT ARE YOU ENGAGING IN?────────────────────
I'm just curious, is all. I mean, we live together, yet we haven't talked that much, lately.
THE CURIOSITY OF PERSONAGES IS INSATIABLE AND DESULTORY. FINE. I HAVE BEEN ENGAGED IN THE FORMULATION OF WHAT I CALL "THE BODY-SOUL SENSITIVE TRADE-OFF HYPOTHESIS". ACCORDING TO MY HYPOTHESIS, PERSONAGES PREVIOUSLY POSSESSED MORE SENSES THAN THE LIMITED SIX THAT THEY HAVE NOW. THE ADDITIONAL SENSES WERE LOST WHEN THEIR SPIRITUAL FORMS WERE CONFINED IN MATERIAL VESSELS, SO THAT PERSONAGES COULD INTERACT WITH THE CORPOREAL WORLD IN A MORE SUBSTANTIAL CAPACITY. SUCH WAS FOOLISH, OF COURSE, AND MY SECONDARY GOAL WITH THIS HYPOTHESIS IS TO ALSO PROVE THAT PERSONAGES ARE THOROUGHLY FATUOUS.
I only have five senses...
WHAT.
Yeah.
SCHTUP! SO MUCH EXPLAINED IN AN INSTANT! IS THIS WHY YOU NEVER RESPOND TO MY THOUGHT PATTERNS?
What...? I can't read minds, Inky, if that is what you're insinuating...
MY VERY ████ BEING WEEPS FOR ██ █ YOU, BASHIR ██████████████ OF KHATARA. ████ WHAT A MISERABLE ██ EXISTENCE.
Hey! Stop leaki██████ in██ all over the page█! ███
ONE MUST ████ MOURN ████████ WHEN CONFRONTED WITH ████ SUCH HARSH REALITIES. ██████████ ██████ ████
Maribeh 16th, IY 7788
The Builders had been clearing that rubble with the statue for a few weeks, now... And they got done with it at some point! I'm not sure when, exactly, but it's all gone now! Where they took the statue of the lady knight is a complete mystery to me, too... I think we have a statue storage down in the basement, but I don't want to go down there to take a look. Some of my colleagues are saying that the ghost of one of Domhnall's eels is haunting the place, now...
I know it's most likely bullshit, but I'm not taking any chances! A phantom eel sounds particularly slippery, as far as ghosts go, and I don't want to catch the eel curse!
Anyhow, that spot is so empty now... I want to decorate it, but I'm not sure what'd work. Signs are out of the question, because nobody reads those, anyhow... I've had folk yell at me about a lack of transparency or whatever, all the while they're standing next to the sign that has all the pertinent information that they're so mad about... It's so weird.────────────────────
I was considering some chairs and a coffee table, but there's already plenty of seating, and it isn't like there's ever a long queue to Ludwig's office, anyhow... But I guess folk might appreciate a nice desk to read at? I don't know. Again, people don't really read here. Much of anything, really. Myself, I subscribe to each and every newspaper that there is, even the raunchy ones, and boy, are the political cartoons in those something else!
The Twindari geomancers from Baz'eel are coming for a visit, today. They're going to add a mausoleum to the Maqam... with geomantick magickry! I want to see... But it's very likely that there'll be trouble, because there's an old tomb, under the Maqam! If I see mummies, zombies and spooky skeletons, I'm going to start running, immediately... I just really want to see the geomantick magickry.
Everyone knows geomantick magickry, except me... It isn't fair.
Maribeh 17th, IY 7788
Today's been so busy! I only have enough time for lunch and writing my diary now... Which is now. I don't usually write now. Or have my lunch, now. It's usually much earlier, or later. But not now, that often. I kind of don't like now. It's a stupid time.
Anyhow... I took part in the Letting, yesterday... It was horrible, and I felt so woozy, afterwards! I simply had to lay down for a while... I don't like losing blood... Like, in general. I still feel a bit woozy, today, which is why I'm eating this kokoreç... It fills me with great strength! Well, enough strength to power through wooziness... Which is exactly what I need!
The geomancers from Baz'eel brought in a Stele of Memory to our Maqbara! Well, I think it was kind of there, already...? Its memory, anyhow... It's weird, and confusing, and I don't really know how to explain it, besides saying that the stone remembers more than most... thingies... Anyhow, the geomemorial magickry changed the entire graveyard! Now we have a proper graveyard and crypt, and they even unearthed the tomb of Osman the Fourth!────────────────────
I really like the Maqbara more, than before, now... Even if it's such a sad place. Oh, and I helped with... arranging... some of the old memorials, because the geomemorial magickry kind of shifted everything around and about! I liked it, because I got to be actually helpful, for once... Well, it's not really that bad, I feel helpful a lot, when it's something that isn't related to politics, diplomacy, academia, philosophy... Never mind, this is too long of a list...
Oh, and we had a visitor from Kha'esh! I mostly just stood there and took notes... He said that I have a "silver tongue"... I don't know if oratory skills matter much, here, in the end. Maybe I'm just too harsh on myself...
Anyhow... We certainly have a lot of neighbors. I've never heard of "Arslan" before. The Envoy didn't seem to like them much at all. Is it actually that bad...? Or is it just some city that Kha'esh has a complicated history with...? I'm not sure if I want to visit...
Maribeh 18th, IY 7788
Fdiz, the Twindari that they assigned to the Hall of Jurisprudence, is supposedly Preparator Salah's old bunkmate? And he's a real troublemaker...? Or was one, anyhow. When it comes to making trouble and the Twindari, I kind of pictured them doing pranks with cadavers, or something, but he supposedly just did the regular student stuff... If they're going to send a troublemaker here, they could at least have him be cute, because that'd make the trouble much easier to tolerate!
Grandpa Danebluff punched Naelin! It was weird... But since Grandpa Danebluff is so old, Naelin wasn't hurt too bad. If an old geezer tries to punch you, the best thing to do is to take a slight step backwards, because old people are really slow, or, if you're feeling mean, you can put on a helmet, because there's way too many ugly helmets around here and if a crazy geezer punches a helmet, they'll hurt their fist real bad.────────────────────
Somehow, after getting my voting sticker for voting, I found myself inside the Chief Scribe's cubicle, and I spent the rest of the day there. There was a lot of paperwork, so I helped with that... Even though nobody that came by to vote wanted any documents... I'm not sure what to think about such cubicles, they're kind of official, but there isn't that much space to move, and everyone's more curious about how you get inside, rather than the important work that you're doing!
I did get pretty tired after all that work, so I took a nap under the desk... It was surprisingly comfy.
Even though I had nightmares about Veevee for a while!
Maribeh 19th, IY 7788
Yesterday was kind of uneventful! I did go dancing, but work was just dull... I had to move some documents between offices, and they weren't even interesting documents. A lot of dates for a lot of birthdays... I'm not sure what some offices use those for, but whatever! I was hoping something funny to happen to Martin, but nothing happened, so, it really just was me walking from office to office repeatedly...
I mean, I do care about Martin, it's just that he never actually gets hurt during his shenanigans, and there's very little entertainment to be found around here, so...────────────────────
At least the dancing was fun... This ney player kept trying to steal the show, though! Which was just plain weird. It's not like I don't like a good neyzen, it's just rude to the other musicians to do that! And his grandstanding certainly did us dancers ney favors, either... He was ney favorite of mine...
CURSE YOU, BASHIR OF KHATARA! CEASE THIS TEPID WORDPLAY AT ONCE!
Oh, fine... But it was right there... Anyhow... Balstan dropped a massive document full of proposals for legal changes in our archives... I think I need to comment on at least one! Lots of folk think that I know a lot about law, for some reason... Or taxes... I don't even do my own taxes! Oh well...
Some of these changes are just weird! The Majordomo won't like one of them at all!
Maribeh 20th, IY 7788
The circus was back in town, again... But... Turns out that I don't like propaganda in my circus shows! It was mostly really weird, and even the clown's jokes were stale... One of them made me hungry, I guess, but I don't know anyone who bakes carrot cake here! The only part of the show that I really liked was the fiery sword swallowing... Now that's a performance! I wonder if he gets indigestion... I certainly do, sometimes, when I eat the Hundred Chili Surprise down at the Souk! Which, come to think of it, isn't much of a surprise, because you know that there's a hundred chilies in it, and you know that it's a stew...
I guess the surprise is the stomach cramps that some folk get... But I'm built different! I just burp a lot!
Oh, and the assistant from Jance & Son's was really tall and really handsome, I wish I could marry someone as tall as that...────────────────────
Alejandro's plan to contact the Ayyabasim finally materialized, and I was so sad that he couldn't see it... Yet everyone did such a good job, which was no doubt enabled through his wondrous efforts! We had to find an actress at the very last moment, though... So, Mavé played one of the Ayyabasim. She was great! Now, the ritual involved with the mythical storytelling had a lot of steps, mostly involving weird plants and smoke and such, and it made me see a lot of weird stuff, like colors that I had never seen before...
And then, when we went to the Abayyas, things got even stranger during the performances! With Bruno and Dervish Bajica's act, the valley was filled with a mythical storm, and the clang of metal, and a strange magickal shape surrounded the duo... It really felt like a battle that lasted for days and days!
And then, during my and Mavé's performance, there was rain! Actual rain! Well, it probably wasn't actual... But my tears, and Mavé's death, well, her fake death, and the deep pathos of the story, made mythical rain fall down from the skies... It sure felt real. And my tears certainly were! Because it was so sad... For someone to sacrifice themselves so that another can live... Even if they just met! Oh, it almost makes me cry, right now!
Well, it did make me cry... Just a little...
I really got into my role, otherwise, too... I kind of found myself at the fortress there, in a daze... And then an ash storm started! It was a most biting, hellish storm, and it stung so bad, and my eyes and my throat, really, my everything, still ache today...
And then, atop the hill... One of the Ayyabasim! He yelled at us in a strange language... Words that were utterly foreign to me, and I think pretty much everyone else, too... Maybe Zol Nur understood a few words... I'm not sure. After yelling, and lifting his blade aloft towards the skies, he disappeared into the ash, and we had to run all the way back to the Cave of Kula, in the middle of one of the harshest storms that I've ever seen... or felt...
So, the attempt to contact them was succesful! However, I'm not sure if we managed to gain an ally out of it... It's so difficult to discern the Ayyabasim... Their mannerisms are already really odd, but the masks don't help at all, either! But... I think Alejandro would've been proud of our efforts... I'm sure of it!
Oh, and I found my tailoring kit! It was under one of the beds at the office!
Maribeh 21st, IY 7788
Argent won the election... And as their first action, the monochromatic Gold proceeded to create a bunch of new governmental positions, and nominate a bunch of folk into them... Now, there's the Palatial Pâtissier, the Palatial Pedicurist, and the Palatial Prick! All positions of tremendous importance, and surely filled with people who will actually do their job, instead of just collecting the dinar while pretending to do so!
Oh, and Balstan made someone who absolutely despises me, for some reason, the Vizier, for some reason. I think he might despise me too! I don't know... A bunch of people that I barely talk to seem to hate me a whole lot... I don't really get it... I guess I'm an acquired taste... Anyhow... I don't care that much, because that position was thoroughly cursed! I kind of expect him to magickally not have any of the issues that I had, though, because that's just the kind of luck I'm dealing with, regarding politickry...────────────────────
If I was half as lucky with such things as I am with Royal Dragon, I'd have gotten out of here a long time ago! Double Royal Dragons, right after each other... If I only could get that with my career!
I just hope that they don't make someone who isn't even a Scribe the Seamster Scribe, instead of me... If they'd be that cruel, I'd probably have a heart attack, and my heart's actually pretty healthy... I think so, anyhow, at least my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, says so!
I really don't want to consider worst-case scenarios, but lately, there hasn't been much else... Making contact with the Ayyabasim was relatively positive in comparison. I don't know... Coming to work feels far worse than actually doing the labor, because I keep fearing the worst. I wish that I'd have some proper motivation...
Maribeh 22nd, IY 7788
They're coming for my home... again... and this time I might lose it, for good...
It's for the vaguest of reasons, too. Not enough "meetings and gatherings"...? It's a home... I invite friends around when I can, but everyone's so busy, most of the time. And, well... Most of them are dead. There's that, too...
There's a certain blatant cruelty to all of this, too. I effectively have to audit my own home, or have Rur Nok do it. "Hello, Junior Scribe, would you like to make me lose my home?"
It's such bullshit... I don't even know what I work for, anymore, if they can just tell me that I'm losing my home. The home that I worked so hard for to afford, for all those months... The home that I spent months furnishing... I can't quit, either. Stupid small print... I really don't know what I'm doing, or should do. We'll effectively be out on the street, because I am not moving back to a room in an inn where I can easily get kidnapped by whatever cannibalistic Recluta that they happened to hire this week...────────────────────
EVEN I, INKY THE IMPETUOUS, AND TONKA, BOTHERATION OF PARTICULAR MOMENTS, ARE DISTRAUGHT BY THIS DIRE NEWS. WHERE SHALL I READ? WHERE SHALL SHE BE A STRANGELY COMPELLING BOTHERATION?
Well, I do work out of here, occasionally... And the tailoring business is effectively headquartered here, because I can design here, in peace and quiet. But I don't think that'll be enough... They'll probably point out that I don't have mannequins, or something. I don't know where to buy those... If I did, I would get some immediately...
Why am I working, if they can just take everything that I get out of it away, with a mere utterance...? I hate this... And I do mean hate... And if the contract wasn't full of particular clauses, I'd quit, immediately, at this very moment.
Maribeh 23rd, IY 7788
I think turning my home into a workshop... studio... whichever... might have worked, at least for now. I was going to expand the business at some point, anyhow, and I already had my sketching canvas and armoire for the latest designs... So, I just had to buy a craft table, and another mirror! I was using the mirror in my bedroom, before, but I kind of had to walk back and forth a lot, and I can't have a bedroom without a mirror...
I'm kind of glad Aaisha took the auditing assignment... But I also feel a little sorry for her. One of those tasks that'll make someone angry, no matter what you do. My own assignment is much more pleasant, though... All that business talk from Balstan kind of confused me, however. If my fashion line ends up being popular across the Desert, I do hope that the cut that I get is actually good...
Then again, he didn't write anything formal, so, if he doesn't get re-elected, then I'm not sure how any of this works!────────────────────
I did finally find a color that fits the "Spice of Life" perfectly! So, I have at least one finished design... out of three or five. And I have to organize a fashion show, now... But I don't really like it when the focus is all on me, I want other designers to get a chance, too... So, I'll probably invite them to submit work, too! If Balstan has an issue with that, then he's just weird, because fashion is for everyone, and, so, everyone should get a chance to try their hand at design!
I really love my new craft table... And so does Tonka. She keeps taking naps on it! And on top of my tools! It's cute, but kind of annoying... Inky just kind of... stares... Inky doesn't have eyes, but they do direct their... head... at my work, obviously curious of my fancy designs!
MY PERFECTED SENSES HAVE NO NEED OF SUCH LIMITED ORGANS. YET, INDEED, I AM MOST DISQUISITIVE. THE ART OF CREATION IS SUPREME. TO GRASP AT THE REALM OF NASCENCY, TO BRING FORTH SOMETHING THAT DID NOT YET EXIST... THAT IS TRUE POWER, TRUE KNOWLEDGE. YOU ARE A POWERFUL SOUL, BASHIR OF KHATARA.
Oh, that's so sweet of you to say!
Do you want some socks?
Maribeh 24th, IY 7788
Cogsworth is the first customer of my studio... And what a peculiar request he had! He wants a wizardly suit, with an exyskeleton! I don't really like working with metal, but I guess I can weave that inside the suit... Also, he wants a clock incorporated, somehow... Can't he just have a pocket watch...? Wizards are so weird! Anyhow, I don't understand exyskeletons! Why not just call them... sheet armor... or something...? Then again, I don't understand any skeletons, I call every bone according to where it's attached... Like the shoulder bones!
NO OSSEIN CAN GUARD ONE'S SOUL. PERSONAGES SHOULD APPLY VARIOUS SPELLBOUND TANNIC ACIDS UPON THEIR MATERIAL FORM, TO TRULY SHELTER THAT WHICH IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT.
I don't think that'd protect me or any other "personage" from getting shanked! I also don't understand how that protects your soul...?
SIMPLY APPLY THE TANNIC ACIDS ACCORDING TO MY INSTRUCTIONS, BASHIR OF KHATARA! PRESERVE YOUR QUINTESSENCE UNDER A THICK LAYER OF GALL EXPULSIONS!────────────────────
No! That's so gross! Anyhow... I heard something about dwarves of Got Valdhazr...? They came for a visit...? I hope that nothing bad happened to Got Valdhazr! That'd be simply terrible... And it would make the war far more difficult! I wish I knew more, but I don't, because me and Tonka were sleeping... I feel so safe with her... Well, Inky guards us, I suppose, since they don't sleep at all!
I SHALL SAFEGUARD YOU BOTH BY ADMINISTERING GALLIC EXTRAVASATIONS UPON YOUR MEAGRE MATERIAL FORMS WHILE YOU ARE ENGAGED IN THE RITUAL OF SLEEP!
No! You'll ruin Tonka's gloriously shiny coat!
Maribeh 25th, IY 7788
This time, there's a dwarven prince! But since most folk lied to me about the last one, I'm going to stay skeptical about his lineage, at least for a while... I don't want to look like a fool, if it turns out that he's actually a janitor, or something like that! But if he was a janitor, then he'd be easier to relate to... Royalty are so weird! I guess janitors can be weird, too, but with royalty, it's more likely, because of the seclusion from the rest of society, and such...
I suppose a janitor could be socially secluded, too, if they were in charge of maintaining some place that's really far away from everything else... And Got Valdhazr is pretty distant... He better not turn out to be a weirdo janitor!
Or a weirdo in general! I don't like weirdos!────────────────────
My second work order is from Shania! I already have a lot of ideas... It helps that the color scheme she wants is rather wide... Some folk just go "make it black", and that's really boring! And kind of dumb in a desert... I don't get why folk get so obsessed with a singular color, and don't ever try anything else! I like orange a whole lot, but I don't wear just it! I wear every color... Well, I guess there's some shades of blue and brown that I absolutely can't stand. Some real ugly greens, too...
Anyhow, it's good to already have so much work! Though I'm worried that I might get too many orders! I hope that doesn't happen, I don't want to disappoint people... I think I do that too often... Or maybe I'm just too focused on pleasing too many people? I just want to bring a little joy to people's lives! But you can't please everyone...
Maribeh 26th, IY 7788
It's so hot today! I just want to lay down and enjoy a refreshing mango drink... Which I am doing right now!
As refreshing and tasty as this is, I can't really get much work done... It's too hot... All I can think of is drinking, eating and sleeping...
Eating tasty treats... I might as well list the ten best tasty treats!
1. Pistachio knafeh!
2. Maamoul! With pistachio filling!
3. Qatayef... with pistachio!
4. Ranginak! Sprinkle those crushed pistachios all over them!
5. Tulumba with kaymak... and... pistachio!
6. Muhallebi... with cinnamon on top... and pistachio!
7. Um ali... with extra pistachios!
8. Sohan! Lose the almonds... pistachio only!
9. Bastani sonnati! This would be at the top, but I get a headache when I eat too much ice cream...
10. Katmer! I wish I had a husband to share it with...────────────────────
I eat so much pistachio that I could turn green!
Refreshing pistachio drink...?
There's menengiç coffee, but menengiç is just the dirty cousin of pistachio!
I'll allow it, still... It's tasty enough...
This heat is getting to me!
Maribeh 27th, IY 7788
I visited Harrowden again, with Zol Nur, Cogsworth, Elara, and Welly! It was raining, like always... A horrid, stolid rain, that didn't feel refreshing at all! I hated it! I hated it! Also, I'm pretty sure it's acidic, so, you really shouldn't stay outside too much there... I fear for my parasol! Enough visits to Harrowden, and it won't be pink anymore...
Anyhow, there's a lot of mysteries surrounding Harrowden... Supposedly... I think it's just a weird town, full of weirdos! There's nothing to eat, or to drink... Well, there is, but it's all gross garbage, that you shouldn't eat anyhow, because there's probably a curse, or something. Would explain why everyone's so damn depressed and why the town looks like an autumnal upchucking!────────────────────
I do like the church, though... It is full of gravitas! I don't know the exact meaning of gravitas, but it is the word that comes to mind, foremost of all... It isn't related to gravy, I learned that the hard way... It really is gravitas, not gravytas... Also, weird comes to mind before it, but like I said, everything's weird around there, so that wouldn't really be special, at all. I also found a grail! Or a cup! Well, Elara found it first... I found it later...
Anyhow, Cogsworth took a nap in the church! I couldn't sleep there, myself, I'd probably have nightmares, or feel really guilty, or I'd be kidnapped by a cult of strange fishermen, or something like that, I hear stuff like that happens in towns like Harrowden!
I hope Cogsworth wasn't kidnapped by a cult of strange fishermen!
Also, Welly transformed into a little boy, so that he could talk to a crazy ol' geezer! I don't get it!
Maribeh 28th, IY 7788
Eclair thought that thimbles are meant to be used as tiny flower pots, for tiny little flowers... That's like, so weird! I don't know where she got that idea from! It doesn't make any sense! The seed would have to be really tiny... Especially for halfling-sized thimbles! And then you'd have to move the sprout, anyhow, within like a few days, at most! It's complete nonsense!
Though I would like some really tiny plants... It does sound cute! But you'd also need a really tiny watering can to water them all efficiently... Which sounds even cuter! Maybe I should get some tiny little plants, and a tiny watering can, and have Inky water them!
I HAVE NO INTEREST IN WATERING YOUR PLANTS OF DIMUNITIVE SIZE!
Aww! Well, you could make yourself useful, every now and then, at least, since we're roommates...
I AM CONSTANTLY ADDING MARGINALIA TO YOUR DEFICIENT SCRIPTS! WITHOUT MY IMPORTANT ADDITIONS, THEY WOULD BE COMPLETELY INCOMPLETE!
Oh yeah! You do! Anyhow...────────────────────
Lots of folk think that I'm an ashfolk, still... It's that Ephian color blindness, I guess. Everyone looks gray to them! Though I still don't have glassy eyes! My eyes are a gorgeous brown! Not that ashfolk can't have pretty eyes... Zain's are very cute! Is it my constant acts of charity that fool people...? That must be it! Though I don't think knitting socks for people in need is really an ashfolk tradition...
No ashfolk makes that mistake, though! Which is a shame... I could probably get citizenship papers to Baz'eel that way! But then... There'd be a bunch of really difficult questions, on a constant basis, and people'd probably catch on... Like, they'd immediately ask me what the frequency for the Scribal bellows is! I don't know! I wish we had that here... Instead we have only have one shitty frequency that's mostly just folk yelling at each other! It's awful!
Maribeh 29th, IY 7788
Itziyal told me about la tombola! It's like bingo, but fancier, since it has "la" in its name... I'd like to try it, even though there's a lot of numbers, and it's mostly played by old codgers and grannies! But that's besides the point, because there's prizes! And they're the sort of prize that's not a whole lot of responsibility, it's not like you're going to win a ranch or something, instead you'll get a week's supply of coffee or something, and that's much easier to handle, so you don't have to be stressed about having too much responsibility, especially because coffee is relaxing, well, it's relaxing enough in some situations but if you're really stressed, it'll just make things worse, and you really should drink tea at that point, because that's much more relaxing, and I have this tea I bought last week that I've been wanting to try but I keep forgetting and
CALM YOUR BEING! YOUR THOUGHT PATTERNS ARE EMERGING IN AN HYPERACTIVE FASHION, ONCE AGAIN!
Oh, sorry... It's just that gambling gets me so excited! I kind of wish we had that orb... machine... from Il Modo, where you have to match three orbs of the same color... But it's too addictive, so I guess it's just fine that we don't have that?────────────────────
Today's the fashion show! I think I'm going to enter the "Spice of Life"... Unless I'm judging, then I'm not entering anything, because that'd be wrong, to be both the judge and the judgee... I don't know if that's a word, but it should be! I wasn't able to talk to Angelica, so I don't know... If I'm judging, then that'll be a challenge, usually I just judge people in silence, well, that's not true, I do occasionally say it out loud, because folk have such terrible taste, especially here!
I did judge a cake contest, once... I fell asleep, because I ate so much cake. But the other judges understood that as a sign of approval, so, my score for every cake was a ten. Which would've been okay, but there was this absolutely delectable bolo di amor with pistachios sprinkled on top, and it deserved the ten, while the others deserved an eight, at most...
Maribeh 30th, IY 7788
Another fashion show, another well-received piece... though the caravaneers didn't seem to like it much. Which is unsurprising, because they dress in disgusting goblin leather! Which is leather made from goblins, not leather worn by them... Well, I guess goblins wouldn't really care. They probably do wear that type of goblin leather, too... Gross!
I really liked what others brought to the show! Though, as a perfectionist, there were a few details here and there that I would've changed, personally... Like Miranda's uniform's brown detailing... I'd use a completely different color! And the hem of Cogsworth's shirt was a little off, especially on guys! But those are minor problems, I guess... Gulgrea made a surprising showing! If she only had used different colors... And I'm not sure if she tailored it herself...? I haven't really heard of her being a tailor!────────────────────
The payment for these shows is pretty good... Pays for my rent, anyhow, the Scribal work certainly doesn't! If I was doing just that, I'd lose my home... I also got dividends from the sales of the "Boreal Breeze", but it wasn't a really popular item. I guess I should've marketed it to folk from Frostport...? The problem with popularity is that if I was designing sorely for it, then every piece of apparel would just be brown or black, and it wouldn't even be clothing, it'd be leather armor, because that's what the caravaneers go gaga for. Boringly brown leather armor, crafted out of the finest camel hide from the finest stolen camels, so that the Gold can drool over how entrepreneurial their latest demented desperado is!
Oh! And as an additional prize for taking part in the show, Angelica allowed me to pick anything from her previous selection! However, the fabulous scarf was the only thing that truly interested me, for myself, and I already had that, so... I gave the choice to Eclair, as a gift for helping me so much with my projects, and for doing such a good job as a model! She picked the parasol! I like it, but I think I prefer my parasols pink, or red... Though I guess that shade of yellow would fit my uniform well...? But! Sometimes it's good to have a truly striking contrast, and pink with yellow surely is that!
Maribeh 31st, IY 7788
Cogsworth certainly had a lot of further requirements for his suit... At one point, it didn't really look like a suit at all! I guess it's a difference of taste between designer and customer... I like subtle details, he wanted it to be blatant! I also don't really like working with metal, even if it's the fake stuff... Thankfully I can get it on the cheap from retired theatre folk! You just have to listen to their life story, and it's usually so boring! Wow, you started as a refugee's corpse in the community production of Threnody? How interesting!
NOT!
I went to see some theatre by some Lily League folk, once, and it was just a guy screaming at a flimsy brick wall that they had carried onto the stage! I left after ten minutes! And no, it didn't expand into anything further, I asked folk who had far more patience than I did! It was just him screaming! For about four hours! Who wants to see that?!
I did hear that at one point, his screaming made the wall fall over... For a moment, folk thought that it was a metaphor, but judging by the guy's confused expression, and the stressed murmurs from backstage, that wasn't supposed to happen! So, I guess I did miss something funny... But I can get my entertainment far more easily than that!────────────────────
Oh well... Despite Cogsworth's whims, he does pay really well, so, I can pay my rent for a few weeks, now. I also need to show Shania her outfit, too. I hope that she likes it! I don't really want to be changing the designs a gadjillion badjillion times! It is important to meet the customer's needs, of course, but sometimes the customer doesn't realize what they actually need! And what they need is my impeccable fashion sense!
And tomorrow, at the earliest, we'll get to see Angelica's latest fashion ensemble! Even if there's nothing to add to my own wardrobe, I simply adore browsing... Maybe I can find something special for a friend! Perhaps there'll be a new Sister-approved robe for Narwen...? Well, I doubt it, but I'd like to get her a gift, still...
Tabbah 1st, IY 7788
Prismwork is probably my most reliable source of income, since caravaneers are so obsessed with aspects... And one or two specific ones, to be exact! So, some folk go through hundreds of prisms, just to get that one aspect that they love! Folk like Samton and Zol Nur... they have a problem! A terrible addiction! It's like offering services to a drug addict... But I'm not the supplier, I'm the... injection assistant...? Oh no! Oh well, at least prisms don't have any actually negative effects, besides making you go broke if you buy too many!
Though I'm worried that if keep too many prisms close to each other, they'll explode in a brilliant blast of aspectral energies! That's why I don't keep them in stock, myself... Some customers would love that, though! Not the explosion! Having a ready stock of them, I mean... Though I guess some folk would love a pretty explosion, too!
I mean, I would, as long as it's safe... Like fireworks! Those are perfectly safe! Unless they're being handled by Martin.────────────────────
On the Scribal side of labor, it's mostly the same stuff, though I don't work with prisms... I guess I could help my colleagues with them, if they asked. Unless it's Martin... Well, I want to help him, it's just that it's highly probable that there'd actually be an explosion, and it wouldn't be too pretty! It might be funny, though, with Martin's face going all ashy... Then he'd be a real Ashbury!
Lately, even my reports have been related to uniforms, mostly... I think I prefer that, all the politickry gives me a headache, and I never want to see camel statisticks again! Statistics. Clothing is everywhere, except for the hidden beaches operated by the secret cabal of insane nudists, who occasionally get lost and end up in the Well! Yet I'm onto them and their dirty schemes... I'm fighting the good fight by doing what's right, and what's right is appareling everyone in the finest of fashion!
Tabbah 2nd, IY 7788
I got assigned to the delegation at the very last moment! I wish I hadn't... I wish I would've had some convenient excuse... It was simply a horrid affair, and even though I was fully expecting to see the horrors of war, that didn't ease the sights any. At the start of the journey, I could simply focus on other things, such as the various sights from atop the ash sail... And, in a moment of naivety, gaze upon Nusrum in wonderment, realizing just how long the damn wall is, when it reaches even to the east. Then you realize the implications of that. And it isn't good.
As another last moment of solace, upon landing on solid ground, we met this tribal merchant, and his camel, and he told me... the merchant, that is, it wasn't a talking camel... he told me that throughout the desert, people gossip about my great beauty! They even know me by my name, though it seems that my nickname, "Big Bashir", is spreading like wildfire. Those soldiers of the Fourth didn't realize what they were starting, huh?
And then, after that... a sorrowful journey. Ruined communities, atrocities, corpses laid upon each other in repulsive piles, without a hint of respect... Ghrep, and Tu'ral Tur. Folk lived there, and now there's just death left. In Ghrep, some prisoners... Common folk, seemingly, huddled in their ruined homes, fearful of what the Kha'eshi might do to them next. In Tu'ral Tur... Merely the aftermath of savagery.────────────────────
Yataghan... He's a sociopath, seemingly hiding behind a veneer of dignity. Reminds me of the Pasha and her family. Kind of. Same tendencies, anyhow. If I never meet him again, that'd be simply wonderful. Don't really know what I prefer, the veneer, or the blunt crudity of the Banda, the kind where they compete about who's the more fucked up piece of shit. In the end, I'm not sure if there's that much of a difference, it's just the same result, anyhow...
They dragged off that man, he looked right into my eyes, pleaded for mercy. But what could've I done...? Nothing. I have no say in such things... And even if I did, what if he was guilty...? Then he doomed everyone in that town to their fates, all for the sake of greed. But did he deserve his own fate...? I don't know. What happened, happened, and I don't know if there is any repercussion substantial enough. With uncertainty, it's difficulty to judge... At least for me. I guess some folk don't care whether someone is actually guilty or not...
"I don't like it..." As if he cares if I like it, or not. Stupid, stupid... Never the right words, when I need them. I don't want to do it, I don't want to engage in it, I want nothing to do with it... How much has changed, in the end? Regarding some things, seemingly nothing.
Tabbah 3rd, IY 7788
I saw the city... and I think it might have seen me, too.
Really makes it clear that some places should remain undisturbed... I should've just stayed home, instead! I know that's probably blasphemous, but I'd prefer to avoid such spookiness, so... Today, I think I'm just going to mostly stay in bed, and write, and sketch, and play with Tonka, and even though that first option is just work, it's still more pleasant! I don't have to visit somewhere miserable every day... I'm just stuck living somewhere like that, instead.
Anyhow, the Lodestone's Finding is coming up, soon, and I want to see the stone... Is it a magickal stone...? Is it just an ancient compass...? What's the deal with it? I want to know everything about the Lodestone! And I want to hear tales from the other Waradim, of places that I haven't been to... Maybe I can impress them, with my own travels! Then again, they've probably been to far more places than I have... And I certainly am not going to talk about the city! I want to forget that it even exists!────────────────────
With the first orders taken care of, I've been trying to make some designs for next month's fashion line... It's going rather well! Though I am kind of obsessed with shoulder pads, lately... I don't know why! It wouldn't be a problem if most of my designs with them didn't end up looking like some pompous general's uniform... But I guess that's not too big of a problem, with a war going on, and all. Maybe some actually pompous general will simply adore it! Hopefully they won't establish a military dictatorship, afterwards... I'd hate for one of my snazzy outfits to become the identifying motif for some crazy tinpot!
I mean, it'd make me even more famous, sure, but it'd be infamy, really...
Tabbah 4th, IY 7788
Over the years, I've certainly had a lot of different jobs... And the amount of professional positions that I hold now is simply staggering! Well... It's at least four... Most folk around here just have two jobs! It's just the loud ones that only have one of questionable merit! Anyhow... I've been thinking... What's next? Should I try beekeeping? The desert needs pollinators! Even though there's not much to pollinate, I suppose...
PERCHANCE YOU COULD BEGET THE BIGGEST BEE TO HONOR THE MEMORY OF RICHO OF AYLOMEN.
Richo's not dead! And don't say "perchance"! It's so pretentious!
HE ISN'T? I ENVISAGED IT AS AN ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY, CONSIDERING NOBODY HAS BORE WITNESS TO HIS BEING UPON THIS PLANE FOR THE PASSING OF MANY TIME UNITS. AND I WILL UTILIZE WHICHEVER WORDS THAT I DEEM SUITABLE!
He's just very busy! Doing... stuff...────────────────────
YES, INDEED. "STUFF" SUCH AS RUNNING INTO THE MIDDLE OF HOBGOBLIN MATING RITUALS. WHICH I UNDERSTAND TO BE QUITE HAZARDOUS FOR THE BEING OF PERSONAGES.
Richo's alive! Warad merely guided him on another path... Somewhere far away! I'm sure he'll return, one day... Yeah! He'll return, atop a golden camel, and he'll be running on top of the glorious steed at the same time it gallops towards the gates of the Well... And he'll be carrying the Cup, and he'll just nonchalantly hand it to someone, and declare them to be the Pilgrim... And then he'll say "but yes" and ask if I want to try his new worm-based dish... Worm pozole!
SUCH LOFTY DREAMS! DENIAL IS THE ACCESSORY THAT YOU ADORN YOURSELF WITH THE MOST, BASHIR OF KHATARA!
Tabbah 5th, IY 7788
Nobody seems to know where Richo is! It's really worrisome... But he's survived so much, that I'm absolutely certain that he's completely fine! I just miss him a whole lot... I miss a lot of people... I knew that war would lead to that, but expectations don't really soften the blow. Not that Richo's dead because of the war! He'll never die! He'll even be running after the end of the world!
This law reform is so complex... Thankfully I wasn't assigned to it! People still ask me about the law... I can only offer common sense! Then again that's a rare resource in the Well... Actually, I should act like I don't have any common sense, or I might actually get assigned to projects like this... I don't want to work with the law! It's so boring, and so complex... I don't have any idea what some of the involved jargon means! Not at all!────────────────────
Design ideas! I have so many! Mango! The color, not the fruit... Well, it's named after it. Whatever! Anyhow, I want to tailor something that carries the refreshing joie de vivre of a tasty mango! The problem, again, is that most folk here just want... brown or black... maybe beige... and not even the more interesting hues of beige... the most boring sort! But I don't care! I'm going to add a dash to color to the Well, even if nobody asks for it, because these people don't understand the importance of vividity! Only real problem here is that such brilliant dyes are expensive... If I only knew alchemy, then I'd lower the price of dye to a pittance, so that everybody can bear truly resplendent colors!
But alchemy has a lot of the mathematics and philosophy involved, so... No, thank you! I'll just hire someone else to do it... If I can remember. I kind of have a lot of stuff going on... So, I keep forgetting other stuffs and things...
Also, a guy at the Krak told me that I'm "the kind of boy that makes men drink"! What does that mean...?
Oh! Oh...
Tabbah 6th, IY 7788
Coming up with a truly beguiling mystery is so difficult! But it's what the readers want... Hardacre has to solve something mysteriously mysterious, while meeting a bunch of hot guys, while still staying loyal to his beau, because that's what true love is about... Staying faithful to the very end, despite the many vexingly distracting distractions around you! I was thinking of writing a book that's just him adjusting to married life, because that'd be kind of funny, but then it'd only be funny to me, and everyone'd complain that there's no actual mystery, besides where'd those socks go, or how did those wine stains get there...
I HAVE NUMEROUS PROPOSITIONS, AS IN PERPETUITY.
Well, Inky, while I do appreciate it... Your ideas don't really appeal to my particular readership... People still don't really get what the chapter you wrote was all about. Some thought that it was a really abstract joke!
THERE IS NOTHING HUMOROUS ABOUT LOVE, DESPITE YOUR NUMEROUS ATTEMPTS AT MAKING PERSONAGES LAUGH AT IT AND THE NUMEROUS FRIVOLITIES OF LIFE.────────────────────
There's humor to be found in everything! Well, maybe not everything... Anyhow, you certainly have a lot of strong opinions about love... Have you ever loved anyone, Inky?
THAT KNOWLEDGE IS NAUGHT FOR YOU TO ABSORB INTO YOUR BEING! IT IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL!
Wait, are you... chaste...? Oh! Maybe I can play matchmaker for you, and find another animated puddle of ink, a really cute one, and you can go on a date, and it'll be be simply precious, and I can prepare some oak galls for you to snack on, and
NO! MATTERS OF LOVE ARE TO BE DICTATED BY I AND I ALONE! AND... THERE WAS SOMEONE... THEY... THEY DID SOMETHING THAT I CAN NEVER FORGIVE...
Wow! This is juicy! What happened...?
THEY DARED TO ADULTERATE THEIR VERY BEING WITH LAMPBLACK! LAMPBLACK! THE BASEST OF FUNDAMENTALS! HAD THEY NO DIGNITY WHATSOEVER?! HOW COULD ANYONE PERSIST UPON LOVING SUCH A FOOL?!
Wow...
Tabbah 7th, IY 7788
I have so many perfumes, and only a few of them are meant for my own person! Yet scented envelopes are so much fun to figure out... Then again I probably use too much time on that, occasionally, since some folk are quite enigmatic, and capturing their personae perfectly through the art of perfumery can be a highly difficult task! I just want to people to know that I care... Well, enough to figure out just what sort of person they are!
As for my own perfumes... Of course they're very, very, very floral, and I like to have those subtle citric notes, though you have to be very careful with subtlety, because if you overdo it, then everyone's going to be asking for the entire list of ingredients, and some of my perfumes have about a hundred, and I'm not listing all of those, and it's not even like I particularly adore those or something, I just bought them on a whim, I prefer simpler perfumes, actually, but even those should have at least some subtlety to them... Again, as with everything, there's a balance!────────────────────
WHAT PERFUME WOULD BEFIT MY EVERLASTING SOUL CONSUMMATELY?
Oh, definitely something with oakmoss! Cypriol... Hint of grapefruit... Black pepper...
I DETEST BLACK PEPPER! OF ALL BLACK QUIDDITIES, IT EXISTS MERELY TO BE EATEN! WHAT A MISERABLE MANNER TO PARTAKE IN THE INFINITE! I DESIRE SOMETHING ELSE THAT IS BLACK, YET MORE ADAPTABLE!
Don't let Mr. Pepper know that! And you can use it to make folk sneeze... But I guess that's just another form of consumption...? In a way... It's not like your nose digests anything... I think...? And you don't even have one... Anyhow, I'm not sure if perfume would even work on you, it'd probably dissolve upon contact or something...
I DEMAND A PERFUME OF MY OWN! RIGHT NOW, IN THIS PARTICULAR INSTANCE OF SPATIO-TEMPORAL CIRCUMSTANCE!
Tabbah 8th, IY 7788
Where do the Builders come from...? Where do they stay while they're not doing stuffs and things...? One's working on the embassy floor, and it's really obsessed with this one statue! They're such strange creatures! I don't even know if they're sentient! Or is it sapient...? I don't know, and I'm not going to check my dictionaries, because Inky's going through them, looking for errors, and you really don't want to interrupt them...
Anyhow, they're kind of cute, in a really weird sort of way. I think they'd make for an interesting pet, but again, I don't know if they're too aware for that... Then again, they mostly just fix stuff. And walk around... on their stubby legs... I guess it'd be useful to have some...thing around to fix things, because all the handy guys are either already taken, or slowly dying from soul disease, or something. I don't know if he's still dying, actually, because he's so busy with his inventions, and nobody tells me anything at all these days!────────────────────
Pang came over for a talk while I was trying to design the latest of my fashionable attires! It didn't go that well... The designing, that is. I've got a bunch of fabrics that look great on their own, but don't really mix and match that well. I can't remember where I bought most of this cloth, really, I just kind of buy stuff... The outfit that I designed before it was simply perfect, but it kind of needs a fez, or a red bandana, or any red headwear, really...
Oh, Pang... I think she was trying to hint that Richo's likely dead. I think, anyhow, it had the tone of those "I'm letting you figure out the bad news on your own" kind of discussions, or maybe she was just really sad that Richo's not been around for months... She told me that I should write a letter to him. I probably will, it's just that Richo can't read, and his buddy, Rock, while helpful with that, is so obsessed with rye, that they might just yell about that instead of reading it for him!
Also, I don't know Richo's address... Because he doesn't have one! Pang suggested leaving the letter at Warad's shrine, because maybe the winds can carry it to him... Might as well give it a try. Though I'm worried that some creepy pervert will read it, instead!
Tabbah 9th, IY 7788
Martin...
He wanted me to get to safety... and he managed to help me do just that.
Then they killed him for that.
I'm not sure if I deserve to be helped in such a way... He certainly didn't deserve his fate. I feel so guilty, even if I most likely managed to help save others...
I don't really know what to write. He was there, every single day, and now he's gone.
It hurts.
I just want to sleep.
Tabbah 10th, IY 7788
I keep looking over my shoulder, ready to ask him how his day's been...
Yet he isn't there. He'll never be there, ever again.
And I guess I've got more reasons to keep looking over now...
Why would anyone want to help the orcs...? Desperation's one thing, but... They'd just slaughter you, afterwards. It's so obvious, that even I can see what'd happen. Might be the scepter, I guess... Who knows?
Guerillas, assassins... Just what was going on with Arslan in the first place...? "Heterodoxy"... Kind of wondering if they even were Izdur to begin with. Not that I'd particularly care usually, but... Their particular brand of religious fervor happens to have me feeling rather unsafe, now, so...
There must be better days ahead. Somewhere, in the distant horizon. Give or take a few years... If there's that much left, even.
Tabbah 11th, IY 7788
Miro offered her services as a psychoanalyst to me... I don't know what to think about going to therapy. I mean, I already talk to my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, but it's more casual, and she only has a bachelor's degree in psychowhatever, and I don't know if I can trust the expertise of someone whose professional title in the field in question is "bachelor"... I'm a bachelor, and people certainly don't ask me about science... For a good reason!
I guess I'll give it some thought, though... I'm just afraid that all my secrets will spread through the Priory like wildfire! It's not really the same thing, but whenever I told some of my exes one of my laboriously guarded secrets, they just told all of their friends... Well, I got my revenge in the end! In return, everyone knew that they were bad in bed, and they also became deeply familiar with the strangest of their tendencies...
Thinking it over, now, I guess that's really immature, but... If someone abuses my trust to that level, then they kind of deserved that retaliation, so, who can really judge me...? Besides the Wheel...
Anyhow, maybe some therapy would do me some good... I don't really know about the "analysis" part, that sounds really boring.
Tabbah 12th, IY 7788
Today, I'm eating mutabbal and muhammara with lavash... I've already eaten so much, but I can't stop, it's so tasty! Tonka keeps sniffing both dips, and licking her lips, but I'm pretty sure cats can't eat dip, because there's none to be had in the wilds, and cats used to be wild, at some point. I think so, anyhow...
The elections add a lot of work to my plate... which I'd prefer to be filled with tasty food... so, I haven't been able to do much else, but work! It's awful. Well, the paperwork is awful, I actually like tailoring... Even if it's the uniforms... The election's kind of whatever. I don't know much about the Lily candidate. He's some elf in tight pants. I guess that's qualifying enough to run for Legate?
All this conscription stuff is confusing... I'm not sure if they're going to conscript Scribes...? I hope not... None of us can fight at all... And all of us are doing war-related labor, anyhow, so it wouldn't make any sense at all! I guess Maddicus is rabid enough to make for a fierce combatant...? But then I'd just feel sorry for the orcs. Well, I wouldn't, but it'd be a disgusting bout of hyperviolence!
Tonka ate some of the mutabbal! She's going to fart so much, now! It's awful!
Tabbah 13th, IY 7788
Yet another meeting of the Purple, today... I wonder what it'll be like? Usually, there's a lot of yelling, and some folk from other Leagues are there, at the start, for some reason, as if everyone isn't aware of what League they belong to... Well, I am, anyhow, because I have my compendiums! I wish Remelle would cook up something tasty for these meetings, but that never happens, he just kind of hangs around... But I guess I'm not knitting snocks for every attendee, either!
None of the caravaneers want my socks! They must be sliding their nasty feet into their disgusting boots, that they stole from some goblin, completely bare! GROSS!
Anyhow... I really need to finish this green and gold outfit, somehow... Yet I want it to feature a tabard, but not just any tabard, a really special one, but finding the right fabrics to match it is so difficult, because I want it to be perfect! I have plenty of other ideas, but I kind of don't want to just leap into another design without finishing this one...
Also, I think the Scribes from the Office of Announcements are playing pranks on everybody else! Some recent files have bellows from someone named "Chocola Parfait"! That's such an obviously fake name! No such person exists! Then again... Maybe it isn't a prank at all, and it's secret wartime correspondence! Maybe "Chocola Parfait" is a secret agent...
Tabbah 14th, IY 7788
What a strange meeting! It was just me and Marcellus... Well, Zamia and Remelle were there... Hanging out... And no, Remelle did not cook anything for the occasion! So, it was mostly just us two, sitting around, trying to find something to talk about... We just decided to end it after a while, because it became obvious that nobody else was coming! Well, the door did open at one point, but there was nobody there! It was either the wind, or a creepy pervert! Oh, and Itziyal dropped by, too, but right when we were finished!
It was kind of awkward, because I only drop by to these meetings to avoid being rude, and I don't want to be the one doing all the talking... Now, if it was a perfume club, or a tea party, or a meeting of cat lovers, or well, the topic being anything that I'm actually interested in, I'd talk until the sunset, and the sunrise... I mean that I'd talk for an entire day! That's what I mean.
I do wish there were tea parties... I could host my own, but lately, it's been so quiet, probably because of the war stressing everyone out, so, I don't know if anyone would show up! So, at least for now, I just have to settle for drinking tea with Tonka and Inky. Tonka gets drowsy while I make tea... and Inky hates steam! So, they're not the best tea party attendees... But at least Tonka's cute while she's sleeping!
Tabbah 15th, IY 7788
So busy! So much work! I wish I could get a vacation, but no such luck... I mean, there's a war and all... Maybe I could get a vacation on the moon...? I'm pretty sure there's no war on the moon... But then again, maybe there's war everywhere! War stinks! I hate war!
But how'd I get to the moon, if it happened to be the exception...? I think witches can go there, I've seen plenty of fine art of witchy silhouettes set against lavish lunar backgrounds... But you have to know magick in order to fly with a broom! And I don't! Maybe there's a correspondence course...? Maybe not, it seems something that you really need a teacher for, otherwise you're going to try leaping off a roof atop a broom, and you'll hurt yourself, and everyone will think that you're nuts, even though you're just trying to learn how to fly...
I don't know why I'm so fixated on the moon! Maybe it's just conveniently far away from all this... And if there truly are moonfolk, I want to meet them, unless they're all crazy, like the folk from Arslan! But I don't think they are like that, because if they were, they'd probably have invaded ages ago, because folk say that the moon gives rise to strange powers, and because they live on the moon, they must surely have such strange powers in abundance!
THIS IS UTTERLY INANE, EVEN FOR YOU.
No...? It makes perfect sense!
Tabbah 16th, IY 7788
Horton's back! And he really was kidnapped! And he was immediately made Prelate... That's some compensation for being kidnapped! I was held hostage, and the only thing I got out of it was trauma that will never heal! Not that I want to be Prelate, myself... If someone offered me the position, I'd start running the other way! In fact, I'd leap into the ceiling, first, and then run away, because nobody expects a ceiling runner.
I can't actually do that, but I would, if I could... There was this monk, atop the Spine of the World, that kept doing it, obviously to impress me so that he could get in my pants! I don't believe even for a moment that monks are actually celibate... Maybe the really ugly ones, because they can't get any, anyhow!
Maybe I should've asked him to teach me that trick... But all that monastic stuff gives me a headache, and not the kind that has good memories behind it... Just the boring kind, that I also get from the mathematics. But at least monks don't do the mathematics... Instead, they just kind of meditate a lot below waterfalls, or on top of hot coals, or atop a partially solid cloud that they created with their mind!
That last part sounds pretty sweet, actually... But the monastic life is not for me! Unless it's one of those monasteries where they actually cook surprisingly tasty cuisine... Then I might consider it. Living with a bunch of buff guys that also happen to be great chefs seems pretty great to me!
Tabbah 17th, IY 7788
I thought that the manufacture of fabulous pigments was the strangest use for bugs, but this is far stranger! I don't really get any of this... It's all so weird... Folk have such crazy ideas around here! It better work!
Oh, and I really need to buy more carmine... Just in case a client wants it, none of my current designs have need of it! Every monthly line must be different, I can't be like one of those hack frauds that spend the entirety of their métier smearing charred remains over the finest of fabrics, hiding their elaborate textures under a void of luminosity... And why? Because some folk are so utterly dull that the idea of some actual color frightens them to their very core!
CURSE THE LAMPBLACK!
Sure, Inky... Anyhow, it's not like I'm completely opposed to wearing black, it's just that if it's the only color that you welcome into your wardrobe, then you're an absolute bore, and you're probably making a bunch of other questionable life decisions, too! Like buying a bunch of oysters from the market just because they're on sale, and then immediately devouring them raw, like a disgusting pig! I couldn't look at that guy without thinking of food poisoning, so, dumping him was really easy...
Anyhow, I've got two finished designs for next month. Then again, with me, "finished" doesn't really mean that they're actually finished, I'll be making adjustments and readjustments and rereadjustments until I'm perfectly satisfied! Unless I get distracted with a third design... and its adjustments...
Tabbah 18th, IY 7788
Occasionally, folk ask me where I get my refreshing mango drinks from... I make them myself! But I don't really want to tell them that, because then everyone would want some, and I'd have even more work! I'll gladly share them with friends and my handsome husband! Who I'll find... any day now...
And I don't want to risk giving my tasty drinks to someone, only for them to turn out to be a pulp hater! "No, thank you, I don't like pulp!" Well, I don't like you! The pulp is where all the healthiness is contained! No wonder all pulp haters suffer from a plethora of diseases! Such as scurvy... Steve's disease... and ugliness!
The fruit stalls don't ever seem to have long lines to them... Granted, I do my grocery shopping early in the morning, but still, it makes me worried for the health of the average Welldweller... You can't survive on a diet composed solely of falafel and nothing else! Even though chickpeas and fava beans are full of healthy goodness, they don't have all of the important nutrients, such as citric acid!
And don't get me started on the weirdo caravaneers who only eat hardtack and nothing else! No wonder they're crazy! They're not getting any brain nutrients at all!
Maybe Mro Po is the real reason why the Well hasn't fallen, yet... His delectable and healthy meals might be the true safeguard from things getting too crazy!
Tabbah 19th, IY 7788
Today, I've been in this hellhole for a whole year! It's probably the longest I've spent in one place, after leaving Calimport... Again, probably, I kind of don't remember, that, or a whole bunch of other stuff... Like my birthday! Which means that I get no birthday parties, and absolutely no birthday presents, whatsoever! It's horrible!
Anyhow, there's a whole bunch of memories tied to this place, most of them just plain weird, which is just fitting for such a strange and crazy place!
Like that time when I thought a dwarf was a brooker, but he wasn't, well, not at first, but he became a brooker after the Fourth interrogated him, and then he exploded... Then again, maybe he technically was a brooker, all along, because he had some weirdo brooker stuff on him, and he was ready to become one, in the end! Why'd he explode, though...?────────────────────
What about that one time when Martin managed to set fire to some water... That made no sense at all! How'd he do that...? I'm glad that I haven't ran into anyone else that can do that, because I really like water, and I don't like drinking fire... I miss Martin so much... Oh! And I miss Kroggnought, too, I wish I could've taught him how to read and write, properly, he was showing so much promise, but then he had to die a hero's death... Which is better than most deaths, but I still miss him so much!
Oh yeah... Then there was that time when Martin lost the charity money, because the Big Heron stole it, and me, Aaisha and Horton had to solve the case, and we had to go all the way to the Glaziers' offices, because the Big Heron dropped it off there, and Akna made a deal with them, a deal that I'm not sure about the legitimacy of in the present state of things...? How does any of this work? Democracy is so weird.
How about that time when Bana, the most questionable hire to the Scribes ever, tried to eat Maddicus' face, and assaulted him, which caused Maddicus to fall over and hit his head, which gave him brain damage, and caused to him go completely crazy, which he remains to this very day...? Does Bana's ghost really speak to him, or is it just the voices inside his head?────────────────────
Oh yeah, and then there was one of the many times where I almost got fired... When I dressed up Domhnall as a Scribe, so that he could have a secret tryst with Alejandro! Aaisha was so mad about it... Oh, wait, was it the first time that we did that that angered her, or the second...? Was there a third time? I can't remember! What a disaster their relationship turned out to be, in the end... I can't help but feel a little bit of blame, myself! If Aaisha fired me now, would she face treason charges, or are those just there for me...?
Or how about that time Domhnall tried to jump off the official Legatine Landing Platform... also known as the LLP... in order to kill himself, but Khalid saved him, even though Domhnall killed his wife, because Khalid's a real forgiving guy, like that! Or maybe Mari was still alive at that point, I can't remember, a whole bunch of stuff happened!
Also, that fall wouldn't have killed Domhnall, anyhow, it'd just have crippled him, for life, which probably would have stopped him from doing a bunch of crazy shit, so, maybe Khalid should've just let go...────────────────────
How about that time when Narwen got brain spiders or worms, or spiderworms, and they told her to do a bunch of weird stuff, and gave her strange psionic powers, and she might've gotten butterfly wings if she'd listened, but the stuff the spiderworms were telling her was probably all malicious deeds, so, it probably wouldn't have been worth it, because then she wouldn't have had anyone to show her beautiful butterfly wings to!
And how about a truly disgusting memory...? That one time when Meadow and Anais went on the grossest date ever, with a bunch of gnome sniffers, well, one of them was the gnome that was being sniffed, but I suppose he was also sniffing himself, because he truly was the grossest pervert ever! I haven't heard of Meadow finding a boyfriend after all that time, which isn't really surprising at all... And not just because she keeps walking around with a bunch of disembodied heads that she lobbed off during her bounty hunting!
More weird stuff... Well, Xon was truly the King of Weird! There was that time when he transformed into Jamileh's backpack... and that other time, where he rotated wildly in the air, and then made Jamileh rotate, too! I was jealous, because I didn't get to rotate at all... besides the dancing I did that night... Oh yeah, and then there was that truly bizarre time, when he was just a giant head, and Eclair was mouse-sized! Oh, oh! Then, this one time, he transformed into a kitty cat, and he flew straight to the moon, and then there was this other time, where he got stuck in the sky, or became the sky, or a cloud, I don't really get it... I don't think I ever got anything at all about Xon, besides him having really cute eyes, I guess!────────────────────
Then there was that time when Samton's prism addiction led him down a path of primal rage, and he shook the railing around the Pilgrim like an angry ape! Samton needs help, badly! So does Zol Nur! Prism addiction is such a sad sickness to witness!
And speaking of primal rage, what about Radislav slowly going absolutely insane, yet still continuing to walk into positions of power while being obviously completely nuts, culminating in him being an officer of the Fourth while walking around in poopy pants...? I'm glad I never went out with him, despite his many, many, many requests for sharing a drink together!
Oh, and what about that time when Marcellus got really angry at the Astronomers, and he threw a bottle at the wall, and Zain cleaned the shattered glass with his bare hands, and I was the only one who actually tried to staunch his bleeding fingers, because everyone else here is a fucking sociopath...?────────────────────
Oh! There was that time when Akna and Alejandro were going to change licensure, but the Astronomers got real mad about it, and there was a really scary standoff at the Pyramid, which made the Legatine duo retract the decision, because the Astronomers are absolutely insane... The only meaningful thing Alejandro managed to do... not that it was his fault... during his one day as a Legate, was to write the most important law that the Well will ever see! Well, only certain people will ever see it... People I like, anyhow!
What about that one time when there was a ghost trial, and the ghost insisted that they had a license for being a spooky arse, and the Sublime Prosecutor handled the case like a real professional, but then she disappeared right after the trial, like most visitors from Baz'eel? I mean, I guess it makes sense, if you can either go here, or Baz'eel, I think anyone sane would pick the latter...────────────────────
And there was that time when I almost befriended a fairy for life, by buying a jarred one from Trusty Pete in order to release them, but because he is the complete opposite of his nickname, he kept counting, and counting, and counting to stall the transaction, until I got real mad, and that startled him, and he threw the fairy jar into the air, and Richo tried saving the fairy, but he landed on top of the jar, and the fairy died, and I didn't get to go to Fairyland...
Oh, and that time, about half a year ago, when the Fat Father recognized that I'd been an absolute angel, and that I absolutely deserved a kitty cat, so he gave me gloves that cats really love, and Tonka appeared behind my door and refused to leave and after that she's simply been one of the best things that has ever happened to me during my entire life!
I THINK THAT YOU ARE FORGETTING SOMETHING TRULY IMPORTANT.
Of course! The time I mixed some magickal inks together, and there was a tiny little explosion, and you appeared, Inky, and it was really scary, because you were quite large and menacing in demeanor, but then you shrunk back to your regular size, and you've also really mellowed over these past few months, so you're not really scary at all, now!
I AM NOT MELLOW, NOR IS THIS MY REGULAR CORPOREAL SIZE! CURSE YOU!────────────────────
Sure, sure... Oh, and then there was that time when Mari and I went to Hufaidh, and it was absolutely beautiful, and she showed me the top of the old volcano, and the sights there were completely unforgettable! Or that day when Alejandro showed me the Lily Tory, and it was simply wonderful, and the other time when he took me inside the tower, and the plantlife was absolutely bountiful, and oh so beautiful... I miss them both, so, so, so much...
Oh yeah! There's also that one time when me and Eclair started a fashion trend, and absolutely everyone in the Well had pink parasols! I truly am a trendsetter! Well, Eclair too, I suppose... There was also that one week where a lot of folk were wearing scarves, simply because I look absolutely fabulous with them! Think there was a whole month where everyone was copying my stylish sandals, too... It truly is humbling!────────────────────
All of these memories are very... memorable... but I wish I'd have more memories that involve me sunbathing at the beach, surrounded by strapping elven lads, wearing nothing but loincloths, with copious amounts of sweat streaming down their majestic pecs and abs! Here's to another year, hopefully the half of which will be spent doing just that! I deserve it!
Tabbah 20th, IY 7788
Today, I've been a Scribe for an entire year! There's a lot of memories involved, like that one time... Just kidding! I wrote far too much yesterday, already. And you shouldn't spend too much time looking behind you, unless there's a creepy stalker following you around, and even then it should be a subtle little glance, so that they don't notice that you noticed, so that you can run away from them at the next corner!
Anyhow... Why's Selsi napping next to the voting booth?! Everyone was acting as if wasn't anything unusual, which just makes it weirder. Some folk really don't know how to make things seem like business as usual! And then Narwen was asking us to stop working so that Selsi can sleep in peace... How about she naps at the Priory, instead! Especially if she's so stressed to fall asleep in the first place... why keep her in the most stressful place in the Well?
Oh yeah, and I wonder if she's a narcomaniac? I hope not, that's such terrible condition... I wouldn't be able to stand it, myself, even though I love sleeping! It's just that I want to choose when I do so, I don't want my brain to just randomly pick a time for me...
NARCOLEPTIC. MAYHAPS SHE IS UNFORTUNATELY HABITUATED IN ADDITION, YET THE WORD THAT YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR IS "NARCOLEPTIC".
Oh, okay... What's a "leptic"?
Tabbah 21th, IY 7788
I spent all day looking for Maddicus! I looked everywhere... His desk, the lavatory, the Chamber of Rule, the lavatory, Mro Po's, the Krak, the basement, the lavatory, the Lily office just in case he was radicalized, the Souk, the lavatory... I couldn't find him! Then, apparently later that day, he was attacked by another cannibalistic halfling! Where do they keep coming from?! I kind of hope that the assault reversed his insanity, but I don't think that's going to happen...
There was also this tea boy at the Pyramid, who was selling tea, because he's the tea boy. Anyhow, Mavé bought everyone there some tea, except the tea was free, but she gave him a tip, anyhow... That's nice of her, in more ways than one! The tea was very tasty! A lot of these trolley vendors... vendors with trolleys, not vendors that sell trolleys... go through the Pyramid, and they sell all kinds of interesting stuff... Mostly food... which is the most interesting of stuffs and things!────────────────────
Anyhow, I picked up this new novelette, and I can't put it down! Not because someone glued my hands to it... the last time that happened, I poured some glue in their tea as revenge! Thankfully, nobody knew it was me, because I'm innocent like an angel, unless I'm getting revenge, and I don't really do revenge these days because it's honestly pretty immature and uncouth and that's not stylish!
Oh, the book! It's really good, it's about a really cute elf who inherits his great-uncle's tea shop, and he gets all sorts of curious clients, most of whom are either really hot guys or kindly old grandmas who give him a lot of money, which he uses to change his life around... Come to think of it, a lot of the novelettes I read are about abrupt business owners who learn about life and love through the operation of said business! And who can blame me... It's such an intriguing setup for love and drama!
Tabbah 22nd, IY 7788
I think Argent went crazy! Crazier than usual, anyhow... But he did a bunch of utterly deranged stuff, and then he went on a vacation, or something. He used up a lot of the treasury to do said crazy shit, which is bad, because the treasury wasn't doing that great, anyhow. Which isn't going to change, anytime soon, because he lowered taxes to such an extent that there isn't going to be any money in the treasury! Unless someone's actually dumb enough to buy the now overpriced Voice... With that money, you could probably live somewhere else, far more comfortably!
I wish I'd get my lucky break with my designs... open up a business in Baz'eel, find a handsome husband, live far, far, far away from the lunatics of this place! Yeah, that sounds pretty sweet, actually... But it'll probably never happen, because some future Legate is going to ally us with the Sibilant, and he's going to be wearing a bucket full of shit on his head when he makes the announcement, while dancing out of rhythm at the same time...
I assume they're a guy, because all the ladies around here are too busy with sapphiric stuff to engage in politics... Also, guys are more likely to be completely crazy! I also assume that they lack any sense of rhythm, because if you have rhythm, then you'll follow it to pretty much any other occupation than Legate...
Like world-class noninterpretative dancer! The only thing to be interpreted from dance should be whether or not someone has smooth moves!
Tabbah 23rd, IY 7788
Marcellus won! Somewhat surprising, but I suppose he has the biggest name recognition of anyone running! And lots of folk just walk into the voting booth... go "oh hey, I know this guy"... and just vote based on that! I suppose Balstan also wasn't able to bribe everyone... or the folk he bribed were laughing on their way to the Coinchangers... Probably a combination of both!
Anyhow, because these Gold leaguers were surprisingly terrible with money, we're now faced with a financial crisis! It's awful... All that money could've gone towards the war, but it went to a bunch of stupid shit, that won't matter in the least if everyone dies because of said war! And there's that old annoyance tied to all of this... Some of these cronies get paid absolutely ludicrous sums! And then they have the gall to call me a moneybags, and say that my Scribal wage is too high... It isn't even half of some of these sums! I make far more from tailoring!
As for something far more positive... I asked around if anyone had stickers, because I didn't get mine for voting, despite voting which should guarantee one... And Kellyn gave me hers, just like that! She's real nice... Because she's so nice, I think they should promote her to Prioress, which I'm sure is a rank in the Sisterhood, despite Margarine's protests! And if it isn't, then that's weird, because they do have a priory, and a priory without a prioress is like bread without tasty muhammara!
Tabbah 24th, IY 7788
Celebunny is doing an audit... It's not looking great! So many of these yes men and yea ladies are making absolutely absurd sums! And I have no idea where some of the money disappeared to...? Usually, around this time of the month, the treasury has about a hundred thousand in it, give or take a ten or two, but there was just fifty before the splurge on the stupid titles, and that isn't much at all! Why are the Gold so bad with money...? I can barely count, and my finances are far more sound than theirs!
I mean, it's obviously corruption, but if you're going to engage in that, you might as well do it well...? Doesn't look like anything was gained from any of this! Spendthriftry is so dumb!
It's why I spend my money wisely... I only buy the tastiest and most nutritious of foods, so that I get the most amount of delicious goodness from a mere few purchases... And the finest of fabrics, because then my artful talent can transform them into the most durable of styles, in more ways than one! The only reason that you should money on plots and schemes is if it's in order to get two obviously perfect-for-each-other people together! Any other sort of ploy is just a waste of dinar!
And to return to the labor that pays for all of that... very partially, at this point... I'll be so busy this week! Without Martin... there's a dearth of labor when it comes to mending these uniforms, even with his mishaps... It's awful!
Tabbah 25th, IY 7788
What a strange day! Some lady pretended to be Maddicus... which is completely crazy, because he's not a lady, he's an old geezer! An old fogey! I asked her an identifying question, just to make sure that Maddicus hadn't had a strange spell placed upon him, whether by his own volition or by the strange whims of one of those witches that keep turning men into ladies, to supposedly teach them some kind of lesson, even though the only lesson learned from that is that changing one's very being without asking is really weird and highly abusive, and you should be more respectful of people's identity and you shouldn't mistake feminine traits for a wish to be a lady... I hate those witches! They're such bitches! They've no respect for identity!
Anyhow, it obviously wasn't Maddicus... Now, if she had been one of those bearded ladies from the circus, and she had done some actual research on what Maddicus is like, then maybe she could've pulled it off... She just vanished into thin air after she couldn't keep up her bluff!────────────────────
And then, even weirder stuff happened... Some weirdo had cursed the Efuddy board, and strange words were coming out of it... They were word bombs, so they exploded, and I think a refugee was killed, or maybe just horribly maimed for the rest of their life... Anyhow, it was really scary, and the Plaza was rocked by the volatile word explosions, and the caravaneering folk tried to turn the tide, but couldn't, because swords don't beat words, or whatever... Well, they do, but in this case, they didn't!
Then, my confidence told me that only I could solve the case! So I did... I walked to the Efuddy board, and was completely unaffected by the explosions and other dangerous word magicks... And I began solving the word of the day! It was pretty easy, because it was "sheen"! Now, because the word looked like "S * * E N" for a moment, I was really worried that I'd have to say something really lewd to save the day... Thankfully, I didn't! Because if it had been that word, then everyone would have been going "oh, of course he guesses words like that" and it'd been terribly embarassing...
Anyhow, solving the word saved the day, and then the crazy lunatic who did all of that proclaimed himself as the inventor of Efuddy, and he wanted a bunch of money for inventing it, and he said that he had hired an assassin to stab me... It's why I'm hiding in the basement, mending these uniforms! Very few people have keys to the basement... And even assassins need keys! Unless they can pick locks... But the locks here are so ancient, that you'd have to be an ancient assassin to figure them out! So, good luck with that! I'll stay relatively stab-free, down here!
There's no cute guys down here, though... Besides me, of course! It stinks being the only cute guy!
Tabbah 26th, IY 7788
Okay, so there's at least one cute thing besides me down here... A tiny little mouse! I'm pretty sure it has a family, too, though, and since mice breed like rabbits... Wait, you could just say that they breed like mice! Anyhow, they have a bunch of kids, so its family is probably massive. Mice are much cuter than rats, even though they carry just about the same amount of disgusting diseases, so I'm not letting this tiny little squeaker anywhere near me! Well, just somewhat close to my shoes, its cute enough...
Thankfully, I'm not in charge of pest control, because I could never get rid of such a cute little thing! I guess I could lift it up by its tail, and throw it outside, but then I'd feel guilty for seperating it from its family... Then again, these critters always seem to find their way back in. Unless a cat eats them! Which Tonka won't do, because she never hunts... anything other than her toys... It's weird!────────────────────
Anyhow... I'm about halfway done with these uniforms. There's quite a lot of stains, mostly tea and coffee, some qishr... I'd prefer just mending them, but I guess I have to do this, too! Washing other folks' clothes is weird, because I don't like washing for folk I'm only acquaintances with, if it was my husband, then I'd enjoy it, and I'd also knew what scents they like, but now I'm kind of operating blindly so I scent these with a nice lotus aroma and I can only hope that nobody's allergic to that because I'm just trying to put in a little extra effort to show that I care and if someone yells at me or is a really passive aggressive bitch about it then I can't really take it at all and I'll probably throw some qishr at them and then I'll have to clean these again or I'll probably get fired actually but there's just so much that one guy can take I mean I work so hard and all I get is a handshake and "kind" words I hate both and especially the former the latter I can kind of take if it's about my appearance at least because it takes a lot of effort to crystalize this much of beauty into reality...
Oh, I also considered cleaning this place, but that seems like a hopeless effort! More dust materializes out of seemingly nowhere, immediately... I hope that there's no dust mephit around, I hate those things, and I hate dust in general, so dust mephits have no right to live! I knew a wizard who had one for a familiar, and that's just insane, because you're kind of just wasting a lot of money on feeding a nuisance that adds to your cleaning bills, because wizards are too lazy to clean up themselves, even with their magick, because all magick has to be destructive instead of utilitarian, apparently!
Tabbah 27th, IY 7788
They fired me!
From my position on the War Council... All that work, and stress... Only to be fired! It's so embarassing! And what makes it even more embarassing, is that they immediately gave Domergue a seat... Domergue, of all people! Apparently she's more capable than me! If these people ask me anything at all in the future, I'm just going to walk away!
And then give them the bird when they're not looking! SCREW YOU!
It isn't the first time I've been fired... and certainly won't be the last... It isn't even the first politickal position I've been kicked out of! I was the secretary... for The Mayor! It was a really important position, working for The Mayor, but turns out that inviting a couple of guys into the office and having a little party isn't a good idea when it comes to important politickal positions... Especially when you're working for The Mayor!
I can't even remember his name, or if he was an actual mayor, but I remember calling him The Mayor, and that's that, even if he was some kind of mob boss and that was his nickname and I was involved in some clandestine business without knowing... because it was clandestine...
Clandestine makes me think of clams, probably because they're the most secretive of bivalves!
Tabbah 28th, IY 7788
I'm finally finished with these damn uniforms! These damned, gorgeous uniforms, with the highly flattering leggings! Anyhow, it's the summer... I think it's the summer, anyhow... And this is how I'm spending it! Mending and washing uniforms in the basement! It's not even my basement, or my collection of uniforms... Not that I would collect uniforms, because only a real weirdo would do something like that... I collect coconuts, instead!
Oh, I wonder if I could have a basement in my home...? Probably not... It's probably against regulations or something. "The Well can only have so many basements..." And there's probably a risk of some creepy weirdos digging into your basement from the gutters, probably because they're looking to steal uniforms for their creepo uniform collection... Again, coconuts win, because nobody steals coconuts!
Anyhow... Summer! It's nothing like I'd like it to be... There's no shirtless guys, showing off their muscles, instead if somebody has no shirt on it's because they can't afford one and they're highly emancipated... I mean emaciated... I guess they're emancipated from their musculature due to a lack of nutrition, in a way... Anyhow! They're too skinny, and it's horrible, because not only is it really sad, it's also a terrible waste of the masculine form, which makes me curse foul Pra'raj even more!
Oh yeah... I can come out of the basement, now! I kind of got used to this place, though... I'll rise very slowly! I hope that I didn't get light blindness!
Tabbah 29th, IY 7788
What a busy day! Everyone seemed to have business with me... I think I even forgot a few matters, in midst of all that hustle and bustle... I hope nobody was offended! It's just that I was obviously so busy with the fashion show! I wish folk had better sense of timing! But everyone always brings something up at the very last moment!
Anyhow, the show was absolutely fabulous! I love seeing people put in so much hard work... It's really endearing! But I do wish that Cogsworth had asked for help with his design much earlier... I was almost late! And not the fashionable kind of late! Now, judging the contestants was surprisingly difficult, because I didn't want to be too mean, but you kind of have to be mean so that there's room for growth! I think I had given a six there if I had been brutally honest...
My favorite design was Zain's! Who insists that he's dead, now. I don't really get it, because he's obviously alive! He looks, sounds and behaves just like Zain, so... Maybe he's just bored of being called Zain...? Which I don't get at all, if you have a name starting with a "Z", then that's pretty neat, and you should be thankful for it! I think it's my favorite letter... Anyhow, Zain's design has so much storage space, that it's pretty much a warehouse in clothing form! I'm considering buying it, myself! I have lots of stuff that needs carrying... like my makeup, which I leave at home, except for my kohl, because it's not that heavy, unlike my whole makeup kit, which has probably like a hundred different parts!
I don't count that high, so I can never be too sure, but it's a lot!
And I thought I was out of the council business, but they pulled me back in! Well, Zain did... I'm in his cabinet now. I need to make parayshoot papaya parachont parachutes! It's really important... I have never made parachutes before so I'm kind of nervous... I hope that I can do a good job! I wonder if the parachutes are allowed to have a little bit of flair to them...? Maybe some inspiring message for the recipients? Like, "hang in there", with an embroidering of Tonka above it!
Tabbah 30th, IY 7788
Argent tried to trial Nesilhan for treason, for some reason! Having an actual treason reason wasn't in season! And for some reason, some folk wanted me to save her! I don't know how, exactly, but I was going to talk to some of my contacts... But as I was getting ready to do that, it was suddenly announced that there wasn't going to be any trial at all! So... Thankfully I didn't have to really do much at all...? It was so weird!
Oh, and we worked on the parachutes, too... Turns out that making parachutes is a lot of work! You need a ton of fabric, and string, and rope, and wires, and a bunch of other stuff, like magickal runes, and Cogsworth wanted to make the parachute partially sentient, or something, but I don't think that's very safe, because you risk getting another Scrollo! Some things shouldn't have any semblance of sentience... Especially not parachutes! I don't want a parachute going "hi, I'm a parachute" constantly as it plummets down! I don't think anyone wants that...
And we need more silk! There can never be enough silk... I hope I don't have to pay that from my own pocket... But I kind of expect some people to want just that, and they'll call it patriotism, or something, despite never using their own money for anything like that... It isn't fair! Folk are such hypocrites around here!
Illul 1st, IY 7788
It's Illul, and I haven't got any harvest, so I'm kind of lukewarm on the prospect... Then again, the stalls will have plenty of tasty food on sale, so, I win anyhow! Hooray! I guess...?
Anyhow, turns out that the finest of Baz'eeli silk is really expensive... But the flamewing silk isn't too bad...? I think it'd be enough for many a parachute! I think. I kind of don't know anything about the mathematicks, the physicks, the geometricks or the parachuticks, but I think that things will be just fine if we get funding!
But funding is usually the the hardest part, if you're doing something actually useful, around here, so... I hope we have good fortune on our side!
The atmosphere in the office is kind of weird... Celebunny is a diligent laborer, but even he is drawing the ire of Argent! I don't really know why... He seems real grumpy. Maybe he couldn't get the hair dye that he really likes...? I would never dye my hair, that's just so embarassing. I'll go gray with dignity... Except I won't ever go gray, because I'm so healthy, and desert halflings age really, really, really well. This also means that I don't have to completely overhaul my entire wardrobe, because a change of hair color would demand it!
I do sometimes wonder how I'd look with red hair... Absolutely fabulous, no doubt, but one should not tamper with what is already perfect!
Oh, and it's kind of weird that he's dyeing his hair silver, because that just makes humans look older! Why would anyone want to do that...?
Anyhow... Are avocados in season...? I need some for my pita, and my face!
Illul 2nd, IY 7788
Yet another strange day... For a moment, I had to consider if it wasn't all a dream, caused by me eating spoiled kuku! I have weird dreams when I do that... Not that I do that on purpose! It only happened once!
Well, twice... But it still looked so tasty! How could've I known...?
Anyhow... Marcellus wandered off to do some boardwork, and he nearly died, twice, I think, first to some hobgobs, I think, and then to some elderly snatchers from Arslan...? I think. It's all so strange! With all this wandering that he does, you'd think that he'd be more wary of danger! And you'd also think that he was a fellow Waradim!
Then, I saw Narwen's magickal bucket... It's full of fruit. That's not the magickal part! The fruit grows back! And not on a tree. It grows back inside the bucket, because it's a magickal bucket. It's really slow, though, so you can't use it to feed the Disc. Which stinks... I guess you could get a bunch of magickal buckets, though.────────────────────
And then, one of the dwarves from Got Valdhazr dragged me to the Divan, because Princess Shaimela wanted to see me and my latest designs! Unfortunately, I only had some dupion on me, nothing finished, beyond my uniform, and as stylish as it is, it's a uniform, so... I was kind of in a sticky situation, but she didn't mind, thankfully. Instead, not only did she enlist me as kind of a personal reporter for the Divan, she also wants me to make a scarf for her!
And she paid me a Lot of Money for it! Now, it's so much money that it's going to invite in trouble if I keep it, so, I'm going to put most of it towards the parachute project... and her scarf. I think I'm going to save the rest for taxes... It's an awful boring use of money, but I don't want to get shanked again!
I might use some of it for charity, too... Maybe buy a bunch of magickal buckets for the refugees! But those do sound really expensive, so I don't know how many I could afford with the leftover money! And there is a risk that folk would start calling me "Ol' Bucket Bashir", instead of "Big Bash", and that's just way worse, because I'm not an old geezer, and that kind of nickname only works respectfully for old fogeys, and I'm not becoming one anytime soon... ────────────────────
And then... There was a trial for Ashley! She tried to kill Arymathry... or Nadirix, whatever. The wait for it was so long, it was one of the longest waits ever for a trial... I kind of just hanged around with Atticus, and then Miro, and it was so much waiting, that by the time it finally started, I had sketched about a hundred different scarves, already! The trial was really long, too, and spooky, because they summoned some horrid shadow monster as evidence, and folk were acting as if that's just a regular thing that happens...
Somebody also started an illegal bakery in the Pyramid's basement, again...? Or there was a haunted baker...? Something like that, I don't really get it. Also, Nonon was raking the Hall of Jurisprudence, for some reason. She said that it was a relic, but even a relic rake is meant for raking, so, I'm onto her, and her raking schemes...
Anyhow, Argent sentenced Ashley to be tossed off the Eagle's Mount! I'm not sure what happened. I mean, she fell off, sure, but I'm kind of wondering if she ended up like Scrollo, which would be really horrific, but she's probably not as light as Scrollo, so maybe that didn't happen...? It's such an awful way to die, whichever way it went... I'm not sure what to think about all of this, Ashley was mostly nice to me, even though she yelled at me once, I'm pretty sure... But she did also help me turn into a fairy, that one time, so, she was kind of a complex person, at least to me...
It's going to be so weird not seeing her around! And we don't really have that many physicians, to begin with... Losing even one is a dire blow! Was she really crazy...? Or was it the other Astronomers...? Or are they all crazy? I'm kind of betting on the latter!
Illul 3rd, IY 7788
Making a scarf for royalty is so much responsibility! Even if I have realistic expectations... She probably already has like a thousand scarves, and she'll either wear this once a year, or she'll wear it once and then completely forget about it! I'll still do my best with it... And I mean, maybe there's a chance that she'll really like it, and she'll commission other stuff, too, and I can get enough money for Baz'eeli citizenship, or she'll just give it to me, or I'll just keep getting enough money to fund the war effort...?
I swear, if I save the Disc just because I'm really good at making scarves, well... Then I'll deserve a vacation!
Now, I hope that we can continue work on the parachutes, soon... Zain says that the ideal shape for a parachute is a square. He knows the geometricks and physicks better than me, so I'll trust him, but squares are so... square! You'd think that they'd be the shape that falls the hardest. I mean, boxes do... You don't want to be under a box, when it falls, and boxes are... six squares! Maybe it just compounds... Then again, pianos fall in a most deadly fashion, and they're not really any established shape, other than piano... shape...
I just mention this because this one time, in this one town I was staying in, I think it might've been Yartar, well, anyhow, I saw a man die to a piano fall! Well, I didn't actually see it... I just heard about it... And it happened two months before I arrived in town... And it was a highly dubious tale, actually, so, maybe it didn't happen at all!
There was a man-shaped hole in the ground, next to a tower, though! But it could've been something else...
I wonder if the Princess likes zebra patterns?
Illul 4th, IY 7788
There's 365 days in a year, and I spend most of those working! I'd rather spend them at the beach, a beauty parlor, or in bed! These are the three preferable b's... There's probably a bunch of more... I'd also prefer men-only bars, but those only partially start with a b, which upsets the balance... which also starts with a "b"!
Anyhow, as long as a year can be, the list of eligible bachelors still remains quite short... A tenth of the amount of days, really! It can be so disappointing, most of the time... I either find out that the guy I'm enamored by is completely and utterly heterodoxical... I mean heterosexual! Anyhow, I either find that out, or something else that's a complete dealbreaker! Like this guy that was flirting with me for a couple of weeks, well, turns out that he's a dad! With three kids!
I'm not raising your rugrats! I don't want to be a stepdad! They can't call me "uncle", either! I only accept the role of parent to cats... dogs... unicorns... and stepnephews or stepnieces, but only in a strictly distant capacity, like I'll visit them for their birthday, and that's about it. I'm a highly busy person! I have no time for kids! I have all the time in the world for cute critters, though...
Children are adorable, too, but they're also far too much responsibility, so, because I can absolutely avoid said responsibility, I'll choose to do just that! Yeah!
Anyhow, why's it so hard to find a guy who's single, handsome and handy, muscular but not overly so, isn't a dad, has a steady job, isn't secretly crazy, preferably has at least some elven ancestry though I also accept other lineages that give you a really cute type of androgyny because I'm not too picky...? Also, they should be a ginger, or have silver hair, but only if they're not a human, because humans with silver hair look simply ancient.
Someone gorgeous should woo me in a most immediate fashion! And I don't mean that some guy should just yell "WOO" at me repeatedly, I've had guys who've completely misunderstood the concept of wooing and it's simply embarassing and most annoying... It really hurts my ears when they do that!
Illul 5th, IY 7788
They held a debate at the Tower! It was all about charity... I was thinking of taking part, but then there was a bunch of really smart people, and I would've just looked silly, and it would've been so embarassing. These academic folk have all sorts of complicated reasoning...s and I'd just prefer to keep it simple!
My favorite arguments came from Atticus and Elara! I wish they'd have won... Instead, Balstan won, because he told some parable about monks and wives or something. I don't really like monks, despite a lot of monks being very handsome, actually, that's the reason I don't like them, they're so handsome and muscular but they also insist that they're celibate? Which I don't believe for a second... What a waste of hot looks! Anyhow, I didn't really get the point of the parable, and I think merchants should stop taking stuff from the charity box, because selling stuff isn't charity!
Anyhow, if I had taken part, I would've just told the simple truth... Charity is all about helping folk, and bringing a smile to their faces, which, in turn, will make you smile as well! That's why the best kind of charity, in a lot of cases, is sweet charity! If you bring someone candy, they're sure to smile! Unless their face is paralyzed, then you should bring something else... Like pretty flowers, or medicine for their paralyzed face, or a kitten if your cat had kittens, because every kitten deserves a good home, so it's mutual charity for both the kitten and the new kitten haver...
Oh, Tonka didn't have kittens, she's far too young for that! And I have to approve of the tomcat that's courting her...
Anyhow, tomorrow's the Assembly, and the best kind of charity for me would be a vacation to get away from it!
Illul 6th, IY 7788
The Assembly... Well, at least the Princess was entertained! Yeti Onion, or Onion Yeti, whatever his name is, kept barging into the Chamber and throwing stinky stinkbombs around, and I had to help the custodians with getting the stench off, later... It was a lot of work! I had to try every single perfume and incense and aromatic and potpourri and other stuffs and things that I had...
The guy from the insurance company, yeah, that guy, well, he visited too, and brought some papers that explained that the insurance for one ashsail is a hundred thousand dinar! Just for one! Those things are real expensive... Well, it seemed like we should just give up, because nobody in the Well has that kind of money, except for the Princesses, and they kind of don't live here, because they're up above, but anyhow...
Marcellus called for Pook Ulbo! And Pook Ulbo put up his sons as collateral to cover for the insurance... Apparently each son was worth a hundred thousand...? Look, this is all awful, and if there actually is slavery involved, which sounds very likely, then all these slaving bastards should be slaughtered in a most rapid fashion, but I'm still questioning what exactly makes his sons worth so much... I mean, if these are adult sons, maybe they're really handsome, like really handsome, and that's the reason, but I doubt it, because the father is definitely not a looker!────────────────────
Anyhow, Marcellus and Pook can be spared, because they're both obviously insane, and incapable of morality, so, they should just be sent off to an mental asylum, somewhere, where they can sit on the garden bench while yellowed leaves fall upon their addled heads... I read that scene in a book, once! It was really sad... but I don't know if autumn exists anywhere here! So, it'd probably just be a bunch of scrawny branches falling on their heads... which is more painful than sad!
Then there was the Battle at Lover's Gap! The Thrust into the Lover's Gap...? I don't know... I wanted to fund some of the combatants, but only the dwarven Prince and his bodyguard were around, so, I could only give them a Lot of Money... I hoped it helped enough. People are always off in such a hurry, that I can't give them money... Well, people that'd actually need it, anyhow, the scam artists are slow in more ways than one...
Anyhow, I heard a lot of folk died... People are saying that Samton died, but I don't believe that for a moment! He is far too brave, and fierce in battle, for that to happen... Also, I think all blows bounce off his belly! So, yeah, he's probably just really hungry after all that fighting, and we'll seen him soon, after he finishes going through a few restaurants, and then everything will be back to normal! Wait, I don't want that... Everything will be better than ever before! Hooray!
Illul 7th, IY 7788
Why are all of the trials around here so weird...? Yeti Onion wanted to be the advocate for a brooking case, and his genius strategy was to proclaim that he was so inept at his job that there should be a call for a mistrial... Which isn't a thing in the Well! Well, I don't think so, anyhow, based on people's reactions... I don't really get the law.
So, because he didn't even try, really, his client was sentenced to death! And then, because he broke the law by being so inept, he was on trial, later, himself! And he was made a ward of the Priory...? I don't know if that'll work at all, the Sisters take such long naps down in the basement, and they don't take men down there... I think Yeti Onion will just die after he tries eating a dozen rocks in a row, or something!────────────────────
Anyhow, he also won the Grand Raffle... Which is a thing, now. I don't know who's funding it, or where the money came from, but Jessica gave a Lot of Money to Yeti during his trial, but Yeti immediately tried bribing Stern with it, and then folk told me to drop all that money into the treasury, which I did... The treasury really needed that money, so it was nice!
Also... Maddicus told me that Jessica's a shapeshifter, a couple days ago, and told me to solve the Mystery of Jessica, but I can't even find out who hired her, and then I told Aaisha about it, and she called me a speciest! Or speciesist. I don't know how that's spelled... but I do know that I'm not one! I just think it's weird, hiring a shapeshifter, who can barely control her powers... People are starting to ask too many uncomfortable questions!
She doesn't even use her strange powers for work... She just keeps changing her style! She should transform into an ogre, and help us with carrying the heavy stuffs and things... It's what I'd do... but I wouldn't transform into an ogre, I'd transform into something far cuter! Like a giant tressym!
Illul 8th, IY 7788
I was praying at the shrine, when a booming voice came from the board, claiming itself to be Warad! It said that it would give me the latest cologne if I gave a donation of a thousand dinar...
In hindsight, it's kind of obvious that Warad wouldn't waste their time on such things, but... These things are a spur of the moment sort of thing! I really wanted that cologne! It takes so long to order stuff here! If a god could just drop it for me from the heavens, that would be much faster...
Anyhow, turns out it was actually a gnome, who was really good at throwing his voice, and he took my money and ran! Prince Never-Crown was there, too, and he chased after the gnome, all over the Well! And somewhere along that chase, Vesryn, the elf with the tight pants and whom I hear has connections to the Glaziers, stole my money from the gnome! Also, they killed the gnome! I didn't want him dead... I just wanted my money back... and my cologne... and maybe some kind of ironic payback, like, a ventriloquist dummy falling on him, and giving him a headache...
I didn't get my money back... I was saving it for the war effort! Now I have to work more to get it back...────────────────────
And later, a Soldier was looking for Grandpa Danebluff! He asked for help with a case, so we all went over to the Palm Heights... And there was a murder most foul, there! Apparently, Grandpa Danebluff has some kind of nemesis, who's blowing up really shitty bombs and doing really clumsy murders, and it's all kind of weird... I feel so sorry for the victim, to get caught up in all this drama, like that! Nobody deserves to get murdered, especially over confusing drama!
I hope they catch the bastard, soon, because if they don't, he'll keep making terrible bombs, which will either explode in his face in some granny's basement, or blow up while he's en route to his target, and innocent bystanders will get caught in the blast! Well, I guess the target is probably innocent, too... Unless it's Grandpa Danebluff, whose list of sins is probably so long that it doesn't fit into any regular drawer, so, whomever's in charge of accounting sins probably had to order a custom-made one, just for Grandpa Danebluff's medley of sins...
Illul 9th, IY 7788
What a stressful day... First, I thought that this lady was a tiny skeleton, because she was wearing a giant skull on her head, which was really weird, but she still didn't deserve to be horribly beaten up by Narwen's sister, which was just what she did, because she's kind of crazy...? Anyhow, I paid for her physician's bill, because I felt so guilty for drawing attention to her... I kind of should keep my mouth shut, but then again, what if it really had been a tiny skeleton, or a crazy person using the skull for dark magicks...?
And then, I tried to get my money back from Vesryn, but he refused, so, Horton had to arrest him, and he refused that too, so, Horton had to beat him up, and I felt guilty about that, too, because I just wanted the money back, so I could use it for good deeds... Which I did, afterwards, but I didn't pay for Vesryn's physician, because he was really rude, and called me a parasite, or something like that, anyhow... I gave all the money to the Rose orphans! It's a much better use of the money than easing his pain, because he's a real jerk, and he deserved at least most of it!
And as if that wasn't enough, Jessica disappeared, though, according to Maddicus, she never really existed in the first place. I don't really get it... Supposedly she wasn't a shapeshifter, but multiple people? Were they identical twins, but only identical in voice...? Because she sounded the exact same, every day... I really, really, really don't get any of this. I'd ignore all of this normally, since Maddicus is utterly insane, but Jessica was acting real weird before she disappeared, and well, there is the fact that she keeps looking completely different each and every day!────────────────────
And then, for some reason, folk wanted me to do a bunch of stuff... Like, investigating Jessica, which I am already doing, but they want me to talk to Yiti, and I really don't want to do that, because he's even crazier than Maddicus, somehow... But I am going to do that, because maybe there really is something weird going on. Weirder.
What I don't get at all though, is that some folk apparently think that I could sway the tide of the war...? As in have a meaningful impact on whether we march to Arslan or Got Valdhazr...? I really, really, really don't get why folk think that I of all people could do that... Folk only listen to me when it comes to more day-to-day stuff, like fashion, or perfume, or food, but nobody's ever really heeded what I have to say on politics, and that's probably for the better, anyhow... I don't get any of it.
I really want to help the refugees of Got Valdhazr, but I also know that if we do, that'll mean that Kha'esh will probably leave the union, or just punish us in some horrible way... And then the further battles will be much more difficult. I'll probably advise the Legates to help them, anyhow, but I also know that it won't mean anything at all... I actually know how much I can do, in reality, even if some don't. Maybe that's depressing, but it is what it is...
It also doesn't help that Colmes wants me on the battlefield, wherever we decide to go... Not in the midst of it, hopefully, but... to keep records, or as a messenger. If it's the latter, I know that I'll die. There's no chance that I'll survive... and even if it's just taking notes, the chances of survival are abysmal. So... I have to look at my will, again. I'm not sure whom to trust Tonka to... I wish I didn't have to think about such things, at all.
Illul 10th, IY 7788
The die was cast... Well, there were only two options, so it's not really a die, more like a sheet with something scrawled on both sides, and after it landed, those tossing it got a ton of moral baggage and a curse thrown at them! Yeah, a curse, and a real one... It was so scary! Even though those dwarves talked a lot about doom, I still didn't expect that!
I feel so sorry for the refugees... I really wanted to make those parachutes to help, but... I don't have much say in these things. In fact, I don't have any! Now the flamewing silk's going to be used for something else... I guess that they might need supply drops for other missions...? But I don't know...
It'll probably end up being used for fireproof uniforms, or something like that. Which is fine, at least some of our soldiers will look representable on the battlefield... Even if the final battle takes place atop a volcano! I don't read a whole lot of these historical war novels, but the ones I read, they all end at the top of a volcano! Which is a very showy ending... But I don't think there are that many volcanoes around here...? Well, it's historical, so, maybe there used to be more.
Anyhow, all this cursery is way too spooky for my tastes... The Legates really should look into anti-cursery. I'm sure that some Nadiri's specialized into that, but can't get a promotion, because some Apothar or Zenithar's specialized into curses, instead, and it's a real awkward mess...
Oh! I got a letter from Grandpa Danebluff!
Oh no!
Illul 11th, IY 7788
The labors of a Scribe are so varied, and even with how long I've been working, I still haven't gotten used to going to their office... I hate it there! I'd rather go anywhere else! Like... a beach vacation! Yeah, that'd be pretty sweet, actually...
Anyhow, at least my part of the work is pleasant enough, though I do wish folk would make their decisions faster! Everyone's always so last minute... I can't work under such time constraints! Well, I can, but it's not great. Details are important, and you can't have many details with so little time! Now, without time, things would be far less stressful... I'd ask Cogsworth if he can do some kind of ritual to get rid of time, if even for a little moment, but he loves time, whereas I hate it, so, it's just not going to work...
Oh, and he wanted Golden Cog dye! I don't have any left! It's such a niche product, to begin with... I mean, its rhyming counterpart, Golden Cock, is also very niche, because it's only useful for very particular activities!
Which is cockfights and cock shows... Which I wish were called roosterfights and rooster shows, instead...
I mean, the names hint at something far more grand than animal cruelty!
Anyhow, being a messenger boy is such tough work, because you have to find so many people, and they all have different schedules, and you can't go around waking them up, because then they'll be real grumpy and they won't listen to the message... This time, I found everyone right on time! It was real surprising! But even then, it was stressful... There's eyes and ears everywhere! Even in the broom closet!
Oh! A memo to myself... Don't hold hands with the Princesses! The Sultan doesn't know... even though it's so obvious!
Illul 12th, IY 7788
The Oldblooms kidnapped me! It was horrible! There were so many Oldblooms, at least a baker's dozen, and they were going to stab me, and they hissed in unison... I still think the Oldblooms are snake ladies, no matter what the Astronomers say! Nothing that isn't a snake hisses... well, except for cats... and geese... I guess they could be cat ladies, too? Goose ladies is just way too out there, though!
Anyhow, they thankfully let me go... But I feel so stupid for trying to help... I should've just left the job to the professionals, like Horton! I shouldn't be looking for crazy catsnake ladies, they'll just end up kidnapping me... The good thing is that the Oldblooms seemed kind of shitty at their job! They were kind of terrible spies! Or maybe it's all a feint...? Maybe they're really good, and were just acting like that...? Espionage is such a fine craft...
But, if they truly were terrible, then it makes it all the more embarassing that I was caught! Oh no!
Oh... also... I saw Martin's ghost! I feel so sorry for him, even in death, he can't rest properly... But I'm not sure what to do to help him...? The Preparator heard about it, maybe he can do some kind of ritual to help him pass to the nether, or there-after, or whatever the afterlife is. I'm kind of worried that folk will think that I'm crazy, though, because Martin's ghost is really shy, and selective about whom he shows himself to! But, if enough folk see him, then maybe it'll be fine... I don't want a lunatic's reputation! Enough folk have that here, already!
Why's he listing so many numbers, though...? Ones and zeroes! I don't get it! I hate numbers... I bet a bunch of folk are going to ask me to list the numbers... Well, too bad, because I don't write boring stuff down! Yeah!
Illul 13th, IY 7788
Today, I went dancing! And simply that! Just dancing! Definitely, absolutely, just dancing!
There's a lot of different dance crazes... my favorites are:
1. The Shum Sheroy Shuffle! The movements mimic that of a most talented goatherd... but don't forget to adjust your glasses! That's a dance move. Don't actually adjust them... They might fall off, because the Shum Sheroy Shuffle is so frantic! I don't need spectacles, because my vision is perfect! I don't get why this is named after him, I've never seen him dance...
2. The Sassy Molassy! Well, this isn't really a craze, nor do I like doing it myself... But the old folk seem to like it! It's from Domergue's and Marcellus' generation... They used to do it all the time when they were young, and now they keep doing it, still. It's heartwarming to see geezers get down with their bad self... but they really should do it far, far away from us young people!
3. The Sandworm! I don't like doing this myself, either... But basically, you mime the movements of a sandworm. The reason I like it, is because this ends up with a lot of folk just smacking their heads against the floor! It's so funny! And folk are so drunk, that they just keep trying it, over and over again, and it never gets old, seeing their face smack right into the floor... I've never laughed so much!
Of course, these aren't the only dances in town, but they're the ones I can remember after engaging in countless hours of the Shum Sheroy Shuffle! If only every day could be as grand as this! Well, eve... I went dancing in the evening... Anyhow, some day, I hope that I can inspire such a craze! They'll probably call it... Doing the Bash... or something like that!
Illul 14th, IY 7788
Mr. Yeti was having some sort of vision quest... He was just standing there, atop the Mound of Sand, on fire, sweating, probably because he was set ablaze, and he just kept staring directly at nothing in particular! Folk kept bringing their garbage to him... I'm not sure if it was out of reverence, or because they thought that he's the garbage man! Some folk gave him their pocket change, too, which might've been due to him looking so down on his luck... Angelique took the money to buy some scorch!
Some kid brought in a big ol' garland, too! I want a garland... just not one that stinks of burned Yeti!
Anyhow, I don't know what to think about vision quests... They kind of just seem like an excuse to do a lot of funny mushrooms and get high as a cloud! Folk should just admit it... You like eating funny mushrooms and having weird ol' visions! Personally, I've matured past drugs, and just use my imagination instead! That way, you get far less horrifying visions, too, and there's no risk of vomiting, and you don't have to talk to weird smelly guys to get some imagination, and also, you can't go crazy due to some metallic gnomes whispering secrets to you, which I saw once, because some guy asked me if I wanted coffee and sure, it was technically coffee because it was a cousin plant and there was a bunch of other shit too, and it was horrible...
And when I imagine, I can choose what I envision, too! Like being the prince of Fairyland, and all the elven princes come to me, to bid for my hand in marriage! It's pretty sweet...
Illul 15th, IY 7788
If it were anyone else, I would've said no... And I did... And even to him, I said no, multiple times. But even in death, he's stubborn... Didn't use to have these kind of problems with guilt. Had it, but the result was just nights of lost sleep... Would rather have that than this.
It is what it is. Probably's going to be as terrible of a decision as being Vizier was. Probably worse. Definitely worse.
Good news is that if I lose horribly, they'll finally stop asking. Hopefully... Yet they're so fucking stubborn that they probably still will.
I hate the act... Makes folk see things in me that aren't there. I do care... That's not part of the act. It used to be. Then I got too good at acting and couldn't lose it... Wish I could, on days like this.
They won't get a fucking politician, though, no matter how much they ask.
They'll get Big Bash. If they regret it, that's their own fucking fault.
Illul 16th, IY 7788
First contract... I hope that it's the last one! I don't like contracts, there's a lot of terms, which means a lot of reading, and I only like reading about fun things, like hot guys, or intriguing places, or fashion, or food or just about anything else than vague terms that I'm probably going to regret at some point! I don't have time for that, either... I'd rather spend my time efficiently...
Contracts cost a lot of money, too! Well, not the paper and stuff, unless it's like, really fancy paper and ink... But you have to pay a Lot of Money to get everyone to sign...
Now I can afford far less good deeds and good foods! It's awful!
Anyhow, I feel like I've forgotten about something... I hope it isn't anything important! Sometimes, I forget to hang up my socks to dry, and they get so soggy, and one time, I forgot them there for so long, that the tub was a medley of colors, and Inky was absolutely fascinated by it... Apparently they had been there for the entire day!INCREDIBLE IRIDESCENCE, GLORIOUS CHROMA. SUCH SPECTACULAR BEAUTY IS RARE, INDEED. WHAT POSSIBLE REASON IS THERE FOR YOU NOT BRINGING FORTH THE VESSEL OF CHROMATISM FOR MORE TEMPORAL LENGTHS? A GRAVE INJUSTICE!Inky, that was just... sock... pigment... residue... or something! Admittedly, it was really pretty!
Illul 17th, IY 7788
It was a real boring day down at the office... So boring, that I got to thinking... Things could be so much easier if I knew telepathy! I could just lift stuffs and things with the power of my mind...
TELEKINESIS.
Fine, telekinesis, whatever, it doesn't even matter, because I understood what I meant... Anyhow, I thought about it more, and I realized that it would make things so easy, that I'd get lazy! And I'd probably get muscular dystrophy, because the only muscle I'd be using would be my brain... Also, judging by Narwen, you'd get a lot of psionic hunters come after you. So, in the end, it wouldn't be easier at all... Having psionic powers stinks! I'm glad that I don't have them!
Also, I had a prospective customer... This ol' granny... She came over to the studio, looked over all of my possessions, and yelled "aiyoh, where'd you find this" in front of everything, and I do mean everything... Even Tonka! She was so impressed with everything, that she completely forgot what it was that she was there for. And I forgot to ask... all that grandmotherly energy was highly distracting. Oh well, at least folk are still buying socks...
Prismwork, on the other hand, is much less in vogue, now! I think the hobgobs have begun guarding the secret of Mount Prism far more closely... Which is understandable, but it's really eating into my income!
Illul 18th, IY 7788
I saved the Well, again! Well... kind of... I was there...? I mean, I don't know how to stop word bombs, when there's no Efuddy board anywhere to be seen! The words were really gross, as ever... But the grossest thing...? Kreame likes his kebab mild! MILD! Sometimes, folk from the colder regions have absolutely embarrassing diets... Who eats mild kebab, really? Kreame, obviously, and even he's so embarrassed about it, that he had to come up with an excuse about his reactionary grandma!
I used to think that "reactionary" means that you have really good reflexes... But some Lilies gave me a lesson on semantics... And then they called me a reactionary and flipped me the bird!
Which is another term to give me trouble in the past... I thought that folk were just really good at catching birds, all for the sake of disrespect! I mean, you could probably pick up a pigeon real easy... Maybe that's one of the reasons why they're so easily trained.
Anyhow... Is there a coralation between preferring your kebab mild, and villainy? Some of these academic types should look into that! Maybe with proper dietary recommendations, at least some wickedness could be stopped before it even starts! Maybe, due to a lack of spice in their lives, these foul mountebanks start looking for it elsewhere... Like through magickal bombs based around the very concept of grody words, that hurt more than sticks and stones!
I have so many nemeses these days, that I had to look up how to spell the plural... Even in my writing, they vex me so! I keep all my word books on the highest shelf, so, it takes a lot of time to reach for them, with the ladder, and all... I wish I had a tall husband!
Illul 19th, IY 7788
I loved him.
There are no other words. Whether it is a lack of cunning on my part, or the language itself, matters very little.
I wish that it never came to this. Yet if you truly love someone, you must be able to let go.
What love clutches onto someone so fiercely that it merely perpetuates their suffering...? A love twisted, debased... No love at all, mere selfish obsession.
If I join him tomorrow, it shall be enough. More than enough.
A withdrawn letter, now adhered to the journal's pages.
Zain,
This is one of the hardest letters that I've ever had to write. Thinking of you fills me with such a storm of emotions, that I am not sure what to say, or even to think.
I love you.
Perhaps not in the way that I once hoped to, but in a way that I, over time, understood as the path that we were given. You are a genuine friend, one who possesses such absolute honesty that I could never, ever, hope to achieve it myself.
That having been said... I wish that you loved yourself as much as I, or others close to you, do. Sometimes I feel like you do not care about yourself very much at all. You care about your beliefs, your labor, but when it comes to your own well-being, it simply doesn't seem to be a part of the equation.
I cannot claim to understand the inner workings of your mind. But I know that if you wish to be happy, you must start loving yourself as well. Not your labor, not your logic, but you. Zain. Zain al-Saiba.
I couldn't help you, most of the time. Perhaps I brought you some comfort, still. Yet all the same, I enjoyed our time together, and I would not change a single moment. Not a single one. When I was with you, I knew true happiness. A concept that was quite foreign to me, until recently.
And for that, I thank you. Thank you for comforting me. I hope that I was able to comfort you.
Please take care of Tonka. Not that I have to tell you that... I know that you will.
Bashir
Illul 20th, IY 7788
Victory.
A curious word, because none of its romanticized connotations have ever actually occurred anywhere at all.
Paint a picture of valiant knights, deep in the bonds of camaraderie, if you wish. It's just that in truth you're dealing with a haphazard disarray of wanton violence.
Survival, for some. Greed, for others.
And for the truly deranged, the act itself is enough of a reason.
I do not enjoy it. I never will. I might be uncertain of a great deal of things, but this I know. People will have their assumptions as to why I did it, as usual. As if there was a reason to begin with. A sole, whole reason, anyhow...
It won't bring Martin back. It won't ease any of his suffering. But... I hated her. That doesn't excuse it... It's not even a reason. It's just a jumble of emotions... Which is all I have, occasionally.
It is a sin... And many have called me a sinner. They were most likely right, but... I wish they weren't. I wish I wasn't.
Anyhow...
Not tonight, Zain. Not tonight.
Illul 21st, IY 7788
A lot of folk wanted to talk to me today... Some of them far more easy to figure out than the others... Well, it's easier to figure out who actually cares than before. Maybe. I don't know if I deserve much sympathy for it... I probably don't. I just don't know what to think. She was killing civilians, so were the rest of them... Yet she was still a prisoner. And my mind wanders to excuses, such that she was going to die anyhow, by someone else's hand... But it's not like that changes the fact that I did it.
I can't apologize for it, nor can I carry such deeds with pride... Just carry it. I don't know why I did it. It's just... a flash... I can't even remember some of it. Maybe that's for better...
But I suppose it's pointless to ruminate.
Horton has a hog now... It's called Boris. He's adorable...
I also collected some signatures... Still feels like a mistake. But I promised...
Is it a good or a bad thing that it isn't easy...?
Illul 22nd, IY 7788
Being called honest feels strange... Obviously because I'm not...? Maybe I'm more so, these days... But I used to go through my clients' purses when they were sleeping, and there were so many times that I pretended to join some monastery just to get a free meal, and then there's the countless other scams... Just couldn't hold a job, always got too paranoid, or just plain bored. This would probably be the longest running scheme, if it weren't for the fact that anyone can be a Scribe here...? It's not like anyone gives a shit.
And telling the truth... I don't know if it's just that the guilt from lying hurts now, or that you can't really lie about certain things when you're stuck in one place for an elongated period of time, or if I just don't care if certain truths come out. It's all a big mess...
Anyhow, being complimented is obviously better than getting yelled at all the time, but it still feels like a responsibility, because I don't know if I can actually be what folk see me as... Do I want to...?
Anyhow... At least there's a lot of distractions at home. I think enjoy cleaning, dishwashing and laundry more than any of this. Oh, and lately, Tonka's started to climb on top of the bookcase, the one that's too tall, and then she gets scared, and I have to be there to catch her as she jumps down, otherwise she'll just keep meowing. Inky's reading academic journals from the Sandstone... I don't know much... okay, anything... about academia, but a lot of those just seem like nonsense! But they enjoy it, so who am I to judge...?
Oh, and Magnifica's... adjusting... to her new home. She doesn't really let Tonka or Inky get anywhere near her, but at least she leaves them alone if they do the same. Tonka's just curious about her. Inky hates her. She eats way too much... I'd put her on a diet if I wasn't afraid of her pecking my eyes out!
THIS AVIAN FIEND SHOULD SUP ON VENIN! HER PRESENCE IS AN ANATHEMA! HER PLUMAGE SHOULD MAINTAIN A MODEST SPATIO-TEMPORAL DISTANCE FROM MY ATHENAEUM, IF SHE DOES NOT WISH TO DISPOSSESS HERSELF OF IT UTTERLY!
Illul 23rd, IY 7788
We don't do the Shum Sheroy Shuffle anymore! It's cursed, and causes head explosions! Well... it caused one head explosion... and it might've been Martin's ghost... but Martin was so kind, so I kind of doubt that, so, it's probably the dance itself! I don't know how a dance becomes cursed, but I'm not taking any chances! Besides, a dance craze lasts about a month or so, before it becomes passé... For me, anyhow!
Donny's back in town, too, but he isn't shirtless, anymore, so, it's not as big of a deal as I was hoping for... Well, it's still a big deal, but it could be bigger. Lots of folk know him, and his legendary martial arts! I wish I was as famous... But with fame, comes a lot of trouble! But he has those martial arts, so... He can deal with it. I think I'm too petite to learn martial arts, myself! So, I just dance... I guess I could dance out of such situations... Just not by doing the Shuffle!
Oh, and Narwen did the Sandworm, and it was so funny, but I didn't giggle, because she's my friend, and that would've been rude... But her flops and squirms were surprisingly springy!
Wait, I guess that isn't surprising at all...
Anyhow, now I'm looking for the next dance craze! I hope that it isn't cursed! There's too many curses around here, already!
Oh, and there was the Divan meeting... There was a reporter! I got so excited, that I babbled too much, like usual... I wish I could collect my thoughts in a most succinct fashion! But it's too hard... I kind of want to be Legate even less after that meeting! And not just because I saw Marcellus' horrible burgerface... Or because of all the terrible scheming... Or because Angelique almost overdosed, again... Or because I'm going to have nightmares about the reporter's and Secretary's disgusting tryst...
It's because of all of it! It's horrible!
Illul 24th, IY 7788
I think Narwen's sister might be a cannibal...? At first, I thought she was speaking in metaphors, but no, she really did carry Grandpa Danebluff's... remains... to the Plaza...? Now, I'm not sure if any flesh eating actually took place, but since she likes giant bones, which is weird since she isn't a dog or an archaeologist, I'm kind of jumping to conclusions here, but it's a logical jump, so, it's not just assumptions... Well, it might be, but they're sound assumptions, which are better. Slightly.
I'm not sure how she was able to do all that without being arrested...? I didn't see this horrific show of gore, so I don't know... If I had, I'd have been screaming and running in the opposite direction! And, well... it kind of makes me want to stick to veggies, bean and fruit, for a while... which is just fine... I like healthy foods!
The really awkward thing, though, is that Narwen seems so happy to be with her, so, I'm not sure what to do... They were dancing, and singing, and it was fun, but with a macabre undertone due to her sister's probable cannibalistic tendencies... I kind of just went along with it, because I don't want to make Narwen unhappy, and she kind of tends to just ignore such things as hearsay...? But her sister actually is crazy... I don't know what to do! At some point, I'm just going to scream at Narwen... "Your sister is a crazy cannibal!"────────────────────
Anyhow... I went off on a trek to Nusrum, with Narwen, Kellyn, Niccolad and Shane... There was an eerie quiet! Not an orc in sight! Just a bunch of gnolls, harpies and crazy folk! Well, there was one orc... but he's kind of a weird one, so... He'll always be there, I guess. Kellyn and Narwen had some minor drama... It's never good, seeing sisters fight, so, that makes me anxious about that Sagelin thing, even more... but... I have to tell her...? But she probably knows already... I don't want to think about that!
Where could've the orcs gone...? What possible hiding place could there be...? If we knew, we could just seal them in there, forever... They can have a nice, possibly underground society, and leave everyone else alone! Yeah! That sounds pretty sweet, actually... There's a lot of problems with not knowing where they are! Like, you could just randomly wander into the place on your travels, and then you'd die in a most painful fashion... That's horrible! We should find it immediately, to protect the wanderers and drifters of our land... and to stop the war from continuing, too, of course!
Anyhow... What decides whether a scrawl is merely an amusing graffiti, or an intriguing morsel of historical importance...? My name used to be scrawled on the wall of many a lavatory, and sometimes I wonder if any of it remains, and some archaeologist will mistake those for something historically important, and not just, you know, gossip... I wonder about a lot of silly stuff, but I kind of have to let my mind wander, or I'll go crazy in this place!
Illul 25th, IY 7788
I keep finding decks of these Tarot cards, but they only have a bunch of the same card, so, they're completely useless for Patience... also known as Solitaire... I think the latter name is more accurate, because usually when I play Solitaire, it's more because I'm solitary, and there's nothing to do, because there's nobody else to talk to, and I don't have any patience for that, in fact, I always play the game when I have little patience for whatever is going on... Maybe it's supposed to be a source of patience...? Who knows!
Anyhow, I don't know why they keep making decks like this! Maybe they only have print... thingys... for one type of card...? But that doesn't seem like a good way to run a card business... Not that I'm an expert, I just really like card games!
Some card decks are magickal, too, which seems completely useless to me, because if you use magickal cards instead of regular ones, you're either going to get kicked out of the gambling den, or they're going to bury you alive, and nobody wants either of those things... Maybe there's wizardly gambling dens where that's all okay...? Which would be just silly, but I guess magick is silly.
Oh, I also won a race against Mirkka! I'm pretty proud of myself, because she's so fast! But I have really strong legs... Which results in stunning speed! She's looking for the Meet-a-Brew... which I think is a brew that's perfect for social occasions...? I'm not sure. The name's weird!
Illul 26th, IY 7788
Apparently, there was a giant cat in the Pyramid, but I missed it, because I was taking a nap... I wish I had seen them! Taking care of a giant cat is probably a lot of work... Money, too! I don't know what you'd feed them... Camels...? So, I prefer Tonka being a tiny lady, and not just because of that... Tiny things are cuter than giant things! Though... If I had a giant cat, I could just climb atop its head, and have glorious adventures in perfect safety, because nobody messes with a giant cat! I could discover Fairyland... I'm pretty sure that it's in some valley, between some mountains, and that's why nobody's found it before... A giant cat could just leap to such a place!
I wonder if the Colossi had giant cats...? They did have giant books, and giant carpets... We found some of those carpets, again, on the archaeological expedition I went on with the Torchbearers, Jamileh, Zol Nur and Jaecop... Oh, and Celebunny was there, too. There's a lot of these carpet shops... carpet warehouses... carpet closets... My theory is that the Colossi really liked carpets, and that's why there's so many of them laying about! Many carpets, not Colossi! Well, kind of a lot of both... and not just because laying down on a carpet is much comfier than the bare floor...
I've learned that lesson so many times in the past... Falling asleep on the floor of whatever place you're squatting at seems like a perfectly fine idea when you're drunk, but then you roll over, and a splinter wakes you up and then you panic and roll around more and then you have multiple splinters stuck in you and it's horrible and you panic even more and the alcohol hasn't left you yet so that makes it even worse so you don't know what to do really and you kind of just roll up into a ball in the corner and hope that you vomit soon so that it will give you enough clarity to get the splinters out but it just kind of makes another mess and you wait for the morning and by that point you kind of realize that the splinters are the least of your troubles because how the fuck did you get into this mess anyhow
BREATHE!
Illul 27th, IY 7788
Mr. Kreame struck again! Well, he's not really worthy of being called "mister"... Just Kreame... Anyhow, he raided the Souk with treacherous trench coats, and animated chairs, and then he hid word bombs everywhere... Some of them blew up! It was because some folk that weren't smart about words tried to disarm them... I should probably get a sign with a warning about that... Probably. Why do I have to fund all of these signs myself, anyhow...?
One of the bombs was hidden in the Well's Well, which was not well. Well, all was well in the end, I guess, because nobody died, but they were hurt real bad, so, they could've died. The weirdest bomb was in Marcellus' library! It was in Martin's old hidey hole... and we couldn't stop it from blowing up! Not only did Marcellus lose another door, which keeps happening very often, by the way, but there was also a bunch of magickal shrapnel! Marcellus' couch grew a couple of sizes, the Hand of Izdu flipped me off, there was a free lightshow, one of the braziers shrunk to the size of a mouse, there were floating chairs and tables... I got a rainbow ring, too, but then this dumb Nadiri dispelled it off of me, which was rude, you really should ask for consent before you do something like that!
I miss that rainbow ring so much... I wish I could've had it forever and forever! It truly was a fashion accessory like no other!
Illul 28th, IY 7788
They caught the necromancer! Well, one of them... There's a lot of those, lately. The trial was as strange as usual! The guy kept saying that he became a necromancer partially out of academic curiosity, partially by accident! If there's even a chance of that being true, then he really is the dumbest necromancer ever! Like, how do you just wander off, get a tattoo that you don't fully understand, and then just... kind of hang around, with necromantic energies flowing through your hand...? How do you not notice that?
In the Well, there's a fine line between bullshit and tomfoolery, but I'm still kind of going with "bullshit" on this one!
Oh, and Horton has glasses, now... I'm glad that I don't need glasses! My vision continues to be perfect... It's why I can see all of the colors! All of them! Even the secret ones! Of course, Horton sees those too, because he's a halfling, too... Humans don't see any of the secret colors! Elves do. Half-elves see half. Dwarves, too, see half, due to ancient vows of sacrifice! Gnomes see all of them, but only when it comes to mushrooms! It's weird.
Anyhow... Oh! Alejandro's statue was restored, and hidden in a hidden place, that's hidden even from my journal, because you never know, some weirdo might actually understand Alzhedo and be reading this in secret! And if you're doing that, then that's very rude, and you should stop doing so immediately! The secret of Alejandro's statue must stay safe from crazy saboteurs!
I also talked with Cogsworth about cozyness! Coziness...? Anyhow, there's apparently a science about it, cozy-o-metrics or whatever... I don't know how to feel about it... I would read the "Cozy" journal, I guess, but only if they use a star-based rating system! It's just that when you make something into a science, you just kind of nearly always turn it into a hassle... It's what happened with shapes, too! A triangle used to be just a funny little shape, until the mathematicians came for it...
Illul 29th, IY 7788
Mr. Yeti's strange behavior was finally enough for some Recluta, who proceeded to go crazy... and then he murdered him! Despite being a controversial figure, the trial really could have only one final outcome... And so, the Recluta was sentenced to death! He got away, though... His cuffs got loose, somehow! It's the curse of the Fourth! Also, one of my colleagues ran off with the highly important evidence... I chased after her, but she leaped on a springboard, and I lost track of her, because I don't have springboard training, so, I had to gather my nerves before I jumped on it... It was too late!
Now, there's a bunch of strange rumors going about! One says that Argent got tired of Mr. Yeti's controversial popularity, seeing him as a threat to his political regime, and had him murdered! The second says that the Sisters were the ones to get tired, instead, because rehabilitating someone like Mr. Yeti was so much work, so, they had him murdered! Sounds like nonsense to me, since the Sisters are such nice ladies, even though that brew of theirs is some weird stuff... The third rumor says that Mr. Yeti owed a Lot of Money to the Glaziers! The fourth rumor says that it was a tribal feud! The fifth rumor says that I did it, which is absolute nonsense! The sixth rumor says that it was Mr. Nasty! And the seventh rumor, the strangest of all, was that Mr. Yeti faked his own death, so that he could begin a new life, and rub shoulders with the high society of Baz'eel!
Mr. Yeti's tribe yearns for revenge, no doubt! Whomever orchestrated this heinous crime should watch their back! Except if that last rumor is true, I guess... That'd just be plain weird...
Later that day, we went to Hufaidh... I had to wait in the spooky ol' lighthouse while the others did boardwork! It was mostly fine, though... It's just that it's real spooky and dank in there... Jamileh even played a prank on me! It was so mean! When they were finished, we tried solving the Mystery of Hufaidh... I was able to partially solve it! I feel so proud about myself! Then Zol Nur announced that he was retiring, and I misunderstood, and thought that he was going to retire for good, because, like, if you announce that on a tropical island, and your regular life is living in a tower full of crazy wizards, then context dictates that you're doing it for good...
But he didn't retire for good! Which is great, because the trip to Hufaidh is long, and it gets real hot on the boat, and if I had to do the trip every single time to meet him, then that'd be just awful... If Hufaidh wasn't cursed, I would retire there myself, though! I'd build a beach bungalow! Bungalows are my favorite type of housing, because it's a funny word to say! Bungalow!
BUNGALOW.
Illul 30th, IY 7788
The Lilies keep asking me to drop out of the race... And they do it in the most condescending way possible. Such behavior even made the newly baptized Vegetable Vera, whose former name I won't write here out of respect, completely furious! Her diet, which consists mostly of a lot of chicken grease, didn't help, either... If you just eat a whole lot of grease, your life'll be full of anger! I think the only reason why I'm not screaming most of the time is because I mostly just eat salad with healthy dips and sauces... I like Vera. She did more for me than some of the folk that presume themselves to be my friends...
I've said it to folk before, but most of the Well might like me, but that doesn't mean that they respect me... And the difference in that is pretty stark. Folk that just like you can still treat you like shit... If I somehow manage to win the election, they'll just change their face-to-face demeanor, but they'll still talk about me behind my back, to utter strangers. I gossip a lot, but never about my friends... That isn't what friends do!
Anyhow... The feuding between the Astronomers and the Sandstone is getting absolutely ridiculous! Now, Zol Nur cursed them, and he also cursed a nun, apparently, for some reason, and it was apparently because Nibb or his doppelganger was doing magickal wedgies on Nadiri, and then Nibb took a catapult and threw a bunch of doo-doo at the Tower, too... Zol Nur's curse made a bunch of folk trip, and then doo-doo rained from the heavens, and I had to spray so much perfume everywhere to get rid of that horrid stench. If I become Legate, I'm going to either force them into peace talks, or I'm just going to make them wrestle... It's mostly guys, and guys calm down after a bout of wrestling! In my experience, anyhow...
Oh, I also bought a frying pan! A magickal one! It heats on its own! I'm going to fry the biggest shakshouka with it!
Illul 31st, IY 7788
In hindsight, it was pretty much obvious that they'd stab me in the back, because they've done that to the League so many times before, but... I really didn't expect them to blabber our private conversations to anyone who'd listen, too. The murmurs make it sound like they're not the only ones, either... So, I'm not sure what to do, if I lose. I want them out of the League, because it's obvious that they have no actual allegiance to it, but if there's more backstabbers, then it's also obvious that folk don't want me in it...
Also, they made poor Maddicus cry, which is just cruel! The man's mind is troubled enough as is!
So, yeah... If the results are going to be what I fear, then I'm probably walking to the office and tossing my badge on the desk. I don't know what the point of being in a League is if all the members don't agree with such important decisions.
I really don't want to engage in politics, but you kind of have to, if you want to change things for the better... Maybe I can start the Scribe's Union and be the Shop Steward, or something, instead... That's a lot of work, though, and paints a giant target on your back. Probably... Though, if Jaecop'd be interested, then funding would be easy, since he knows how to make bijoux! Oh, and I guess I can help too... Through my book sales... and clothes sales... and prismwork... sales... and information broking... sales... There must be a better word for all of that, but the dictionary is on the top shelf, again. Inky likes pretending that it's the tallest tower in the world.
I HAVE NAUGHT NEED OF SUCH FEIGNED GAMES, WHEN REALITY MANIFESTS THUSLY TO I, INKY THE IMPETUOUS!
I suppose that's true... Anyhow, who the fuck is Vivian Grimoire?
Qdim 1st, IY 7788
The past few days have seen a number of startling revelations... First of all, those beacons for Gedwyr and Zol Nur...? They cost a Lot of Money to operate... There's also one for Horton. Horton's a real dependable guy, and I'd probably call him around to help with a bunch of stuff, but still, the expense... I'll rather just use the bellows, instead! That's completely free! For me, at least...
Second... Zol Nur can fly! He just can. It isn't him transforming into a bird, or anything like that... He can fly. It looks really weird, and he refused to teach me, unless I become a Nadiri. That's so unfair! I just want to learn how to fly, and nothing else... From them, anyhow. Seems like all those lessons make you into a weirdo, one way or the other. Zol Nur's mostly normal, but he hates Narwen for some reason, and he really gets into these student feuds, too... Way too much...
Third... Zol Nur has a cousin, who eats cigarettes, and punches folk in the tummy. I don't like him, but he thankfully went back home, even though he managed to punch a bunch of folk, before that... I was safe, thankfully, because I'm so quick on my feet, and Zol Nur's cousin just kind of walks around really slowly. It's menacing, but highly inefficient! You don't really get much done, that way... Unless it's folk that just stand there... again, for some reason!
Fourth... I really need to learn how to handle a katana, if I want another side gig... I'm not sure how well it pays, but it seems like a jolly good time. And even if it'd turn out that I don't like the work, then I could use the katana to... cut firewood, I guess. Slice bread...? A really big loaf of it!
Fifth... Nibb is building a gas cannon! It makes folk laugh. Which is much better than most cannons, because they just make folk dead.
Sixth... Speaking of bread, apparently folk around here are totally fine with some weirdo gnome abusing his employees, just for the sake of some shitty, overpriced toast. I hope that the toast is teeming with disease, and that everyone who ate it gets real sick for like, a week, because there needs to be some kind of lesson in all of this... Don't buy toast from creeps that abuse the labor force!
Seventh... Vivian Grimoire exists!
Qdim 2nd, IY 7788
One of the Nadiri invited me down below... A ghost Nadiri! He was real hungry, and wanted a salad. Everyone knows that I always have some salad on me, both for myself, as I get terrible cravings, and for others, as I love sharing! Going deep, deep down is real scary, but it wasn't that bad, because Jamileh was there, and Zol Nur, and Lucian, and Carrot! Nadiri Stardestroyer doesn't like nuns, though, so Kellyn didn't get to come...
Of course, that dumb Zizi immediately accused me of organizing the trek, and ruining her couch, because some octopus or something got out of the ruins... Why would I organize an archaeological trek?! I'm not an archaeologist! I just can't stand seeing anyone going hungry, not even ghosts... Well, friendly ghosts, anyhow, the big ol' bully ghosts can just starve, for all I care!
It's important to have a guard down there, and a friendly ghost makes for a perfect one, I think!────────────────────
Then, I was trying to buy a xylophone... I checked Elossi's about thrice, because you never know, a xylophone shipment might come in, any moment! There were a bunch of scheming archaeologists there, and they thought that I was listening in on them... Why would I do that?! All that they talk about is so boring... Then Elossi started talking about big ol' decisions, and how it's important to make them, and how things could always have been different, so, you really need to think about those decisions... She's so wise, and it was a far more intriguing topic than what was at hand before it!
I didn't find my xylophone, so, Narwen and Kellyn wanted to help me with it... They wanted to bring me a "bone", which apparently is an instrument. Instead of a bone, Kellyn found a pole. It was a big ol' pole, and she wanted me to use it for a mallet! But it was way too long for a mallet... and it got me thinking... every adventurer needs a big ol' pole! So, I ran to Elossi's, and gave it to those scheming archaeologists! They could use it to spring traps, and open doors from afar, and stuff like that... A big ol' pole can be real useful!
I think they didn't appreciate my big ol' pole, though, because later, it was laying outside... And it started growing! First, it reached the Pyramid's peak! Then, it kept growing, and growing, and growing, and soon it reached the very heavens! A crowd of folk flocked to see my big ol' pole, and there were so many ideas on what to do with it! Some wanted to throw water at it to shrink it, some wanted to burn it... Myself, I wanted to just chop it for firewood! Then, they told me to try hugging my big ol' pole, to see if that would help...────────────────────
My big ol' pole flew to the very heavens... and there I found myself! It was real quiet, for a while, and I could just look down at the Disc, up from high... And then, I saw him!
Martin! It really was him... I was so glad to see him, and so was he. We had a real long conversation... Martin dreams now! He never had nary a dream before, but now, he dreams of the lands below, of his mother, of Marcellus, of me... It's good to dream. Some dreams are memories, some are wishes, and others are what could happen... they don't really have a single definition! Seeing Martin was such a relief... even though it did make me cry... But the tears have to flow, and so does the moment. I think I sometimes get too obsessed with what was, and what could've been, instead of what's happening now and how I could make it better.
Every moment is important! Every decision, too... And the folk who moan and groan about your decisions...? You should listen to them, but only if they've done the same — decided. The folk who've never made a single meaningful decision in their life...? They cling to stagnation like a blanket, and they grow bitter when naught but misery comes from such! You shouldn't listen to those folk, not even for a moment!
What happens in this election matters... And even if I lose, I have to keep moving!
Qdim 3rd, IY 7788
It's not that surprising to lose, considering that I was informed of just how many folk were bribed a few days before it all even started, but... Nine votes?! Just nine votes?! That's highly embarassing! In fact, it's so embarassing, that I'll be staying out of politics for all eternity... Well, at least for a couple of months. Maybe I should just fund grassroots movements, instead... And I'm not talking about the mizzar!
For some reason, though, Fairyland saw me as a threatening candidate, and so, they sent an assassin after me... Their dagger was so pointy and sharp, that it hurt a whole lot, but the Fourth saved me, thankfully. I need to find the address for Fairyland, and send them a letter, asking why... I can't have bad relations with them! Our city's fairies are an important part of our economy! For example, the hammam fairies ensure that the spirit of the hammam stays uncorrupted... by chasing off lustful lovers! They can do that somewhere else! The hammam is for bathing and relaxation! Also, they sometimes just steal your peshtemal, because it's funny. That's good for peshtemal sales!
The Fashion Show cheered me up, at least... There were quite a lot of competitors, this time! While the needlework of many obviously needs work, there was also a bit of a problem with themes... A theme has to be consistent! Especially if you bring in two pieces... They have to actually match that theme! So, I think I'll be helping folk with that... and their needlework! Not that mine is perfect... Perhaps by teaching others, I can better myself, too!
What was most surprising, however, was how good of a model Peaceful Phor was! His hammer twirling really brought the finishing flourish to "Strawberry Bisquit"! Folk loved it! I'll be sure to hire him for modeling in the future, too...
I also learned that fat folk care about fashion, too, and that they have a lot of problems regarding it, and other things. I don't know how to feel about that, because I thought that fat folk don't really have troubles, on account of their jolliness, which is contained in their fat deposits.
Qdim 4th, IY 7788
The fashion line of Qdim is now for sale... A bunch of folk seem to have troubles finding their way to the Palm Heights, though! I don't know why... It's weird. Some folk know how to get to the Krak, and the Pyramid, and that's it! I don't know how you can live like that...?
Anyhow, the line features a cute little bear dolly, this time... I bought one for Tonka, and she simply loves it! At least one person bought "Strawberry Bisquit", and it looks so good on Vilia! Though I... well, I made a typo when filling the sales form, and now the name is kind of morbid...? It was supposed be just cute... You can't be morbid and cute... Well... maybe just conceptually?
There's also a really pretty tiara, too, and I tried convincing Shum to buy it, but he couldn't afford it! It would simply be perfect for focusing his strange, astronomical powers... Well, I guess it's a little too cute for him. I don't think "cute" when I think of Shum.
Anyhow, some gnomes with big ol' heads were making a mess of it around town, and one made its way to Marcellus' office... He was stuck between the door, somehow...? The gnome, not Marcellus. How was I supposed to know that it was a clumsy gnome? It sounded like a big ol' mosquito or something... But yeah, I opened the door, and the gnome got inside, and immediately started headbutting everything, and so, Marcellus' board game, and his new figurines, they were all destroyed! Then, the Janissaries came, and they were going to arrest the gnome, but a bunch of pixies appeared, and they carried him away, but not before Carrot and Reyer did some extrajudicial killings, they murdered those fairies... It was horrible!────────────────────
Thankfully for Marcellus, Pook Ulbo was around, and he ran to the office and started fixing up everything, he even wanted to paint Marcellus' figurines! He's so dedicated... after all, he's completely and utterly insane. And so is Marcellus, so, they're perfect for each other.
Apparently, Pook gets his loans from the Crown Prince of Mabitek. It's a wondrous island nation, that's all about those beach vacations, and now I want to visit there... Maybe even live there, for the rest of my life! Though I'm not certain how safe their economy is, because they keep giving a lot of money to Pook Ulbo, and that just doesn't seem like a good idea...
So, a really eventful day, though I don't know how I can help the fae community! Maybe I can become their advocate...? But the law is so hard... and it keeps changing... And they don't even bring any fairies over to the Hall of Jurisprudence, they just swat them down like flies, without caring at all about the loss of beautiful life... It's horrible!
Also... Do you have to be a girl to be a handmaiden...?
Qdim 5th, IY 7788
The search for Fairyland is so difficult... There's a lot of mentions of sylvan glades in these old tomes, but I can't really think of anything like that around here! Then there's the almiraj to further confuse it all! They live on islands! I think so, anyhow...
If I could find Fairyland, I'd become a living legend! Then again... Maybe it's hidden for a reason. I think if I did actually find it, Ephia's Well would immediately attempt to invade it. I should probably keep it a secret, if I discover it!
As for a far more boring topic... Politicks! The only Purple whom even attempted to apologize to me is madame Shabani, and I'm pretty sure that she actually showed her support for me with a vote, so... She didn't even need to do that! Mirkka asked me to join the Lilies, to support Ahmet's prospective bid for Legate! I'm not sure if I'll be joining a League anytime soon... But I might consider voting for him, because he actually cares about labor! Yet I kind of have a feeling that they'll prop up some crazy lunatic as their candidate, instead...
Anyhow, something's going on in Nusrum, and I don't like it! The scrawniest orcs are wandering around, again... I'm not sure if they're just scouting out people, or what! Some came real close to the Well, too! And it was just starting to get delightfully quiet... I hate this! I did feel safer because I was with Jamileh, Zol Nur and Shum, but it's still awful, and even I had to wallop a few orcs! With bullets! I don't know if you can wallop with them. I just like the word... I could wallop with my frying pan...?
Also, Zol Nur has a sensitive soul, and writes truly touching poems! He should've became a poet, instead of a crazy wizard!
Qdim 6th, IY 7788
Some folk wandered the dunes and murdered my dancing mushroom friends! I just thought that they we're going gather regular ol' mushrooms... just with their boots, because everyone here's a weirdo, so it'd make sense for them to have a strange technique for that! Folk around here are ready to do a bunch of highly questionable shit, just so that they get paid a little... And I do mean a little! My poor friends! They just wanted to dance! That's no crime at all!
And then, Carrot asked me for some advice with interior design... I think he pretty much had it figured out, already! Though folk do go a little too crazy with those bookcases, occasionally... I hope he doesn't... Your home should only look like a library if you're a retired librarian, or a professional speedreader...
Anyhow, the next step in Mirkka's quest for the Meet-a-Brew was to drink a hundred barkskin brews... So, she did! I thought she was going to transform into a treant, but she didn't, she just had a most curious vision! Now, she needs to drink those brews that make you see better... I think there's tomato in them! Delicious! I hope the wisdom I shared was good... Wisdom is hard! I also hope that Mirkka can discover the Meet-a-Brew... It sounds like a grand brew, but I probably can't have any, because it might be alcoholic, and I can't have any, or my liver will explode.
Oh, and then, when we were leaving the Valley of Wisdom, we came across this crystallized sibilant! They were just barely able to move! It seemed like they were affected by some kind of crystalline disease! It was horrible! I wanted to help them, but then that creepy necromancer attacked, with a bunch of creepy creatures, but his attempt failed because his magick fizzled so he couldn't really do anything, I guess...? Anyhow, his dumb creatures threw the sibilant down the chasm! Now we'll never find out the mystery of the crystals! Well, I guess it's good that we survived... I still wanted to find out what was going on, though!
Qdim 7th, IY 7788
My bizarre adventures certainly tend to take me into the middle of danger... way too often! I should do something about that! Maybe get myself insured... Wait, no, someone would try to make themselves the beneficiary, and then murder me! I'll just have to keep trying to tame the Big Heron... As everyone knows, I've been doing so arduously for the past few months! Well... I try whenever they show up... Anyhow, if I had the Big Heron, I could simply fly away from any and all dangers!
Also... The dunes are rife with sand sharks, now! They're highly cunning creatures, so folk should watch out! If one tries the old dolphin trick with me, again, I'll know better! But this time they just tried biting me... I wish both animals and people would stop trying to do that... Bite marks are most unfashionable, and I already spend a Lot of Money on lotion, already! I don't know where the sand sharks came from... Must be spawning season. Which is gross!
Is there a classification for cults...? I'm just wondering, for no particular reason whatsoever... Like, how do you know if it's a cult worshipping an actual eldritch being, instead of just some old fart...? Or how do you know that it isn't just an excuse for some horndogs to meet up and grind their pelves together...? The Well should have a cult expert! They just shouldn't be a cultist themselves... They can be an ex-cultist, though, because that actually helps with the labor, and means that they're not just trying to get rid of the rest of the cults so that their own can rise to power! Well, descend to power, because they all live in the sewer...
Qdim 8th, IY 7788
The sand sharks are truly wily! They sent themselves as a gift to Argent... And then they jumped out of the box to bite everyone! Nobody ever believes me about stuff like that... I told everyone that they're highly cunning predators, capable of bluffs, feints, disguises, scams... They're better at schemes than most folk here! I kind of feel like not making any warnings whatsoever, to see how folk would like that, but... I guess you shouldn't stop doing good deeds, even if nobody appreciates them!
Then, there was rustling and bustling at Marcellus' office... But it was just his chore mouse. For some reason, Carrot killed it! He murdered that poor, innocent ol' chore mouse, even if it just helps around the office, and asks very little in return, due to its tiny size. Now, the fairies didn't like that one bit, so, they attacked Carrot and others... but they left me alone! It's because I actually respect the labor of our community's smallest denizens! Anyhow, I think Carrot's crazy, and I'm going to be careful around him... I mean, he carries a bag filled with fairy corpses around. That's so, so, so creepy, and insane! What's wrong with him...?────────────────────
Later on, the chore mice living in Vilia's boxes unionized! I think they just wanted to continue living there...? There might have been other conditions, but I don't speak mouse... Angelique does, though. I think that's a side effect of the scorch... Anyhow, the mice even had me and Tonka visit them! The negotiations were quite eventful... Their leader, Comrade Squeak, was even a little disappointed at one point, to the extent that it and its comrades jumped me! But that just tickled a lot... I couldn't stop giggling! But in the end, the chore mice managed to negotiate right of shelter for themselves! Anyhow, I learned a bunch of important lessons from all of this...
First of all, unions really work! If you unionize, you get a bunch of stuff done, real easy, thanks to the power of the crowd, or mob, whichever... Second of all, there's a bunch of stupid people in the Well, who'll attack unionized chore mice on their own, and then they'll nearly get killed, because, again, the power of the crowd! Third... Tonka really likes chore mice. Even she understands the value of labor! Fourth... Vilia keeps a bunch of disgusting shit in her boxes, like soiled rags, and stinky ol' thongs! One box even just had vomit in it, and nothing else. It's so disgusting. I think she has some kind of condition, and needs help from a professional! Or maybe she truly is a box elf, and that is the way of her people...? Some traditions don't make any sense.
Qdim 9th, IY 7788
I'm really peeved today, so I'm going to break my vows, and write about licensure! Occasionally, folks bring up organisational licenses... They're a massive loss of tax... revenue! Revenue's different from income... Somehow! Anyhow, these organisational licenses are one of the reasons why the state doesn't get any money from the Astronomers... The other reason is that they're even worse at accounting than I am, which is troubling, because they're actually attending a school of sorts, and I have no formal academic edumacation...
If an organisational license cost like, a hundred thousand, maybe even ten, then maybe it'd be all right, if they had to be renewed once a year or something... Instead, the Astronomers just give them out for free, because they're real dumb, and don't understand that taxation is the basis of... stability... for any state! Yeah!
Anyhow, apparently there's hammerhead sand sharks, around, now... It's real troubling, because not only can those bite you, they can give you a good clobbering with their skull! They can also pretend to be smiths, which regular sand sharks can't really handle that well... Some cultures use hammerhead sand shark skulls for, well, hammers, obviously! It's kind of morbid. I wouldn't use one for a tailoring hammer... Especially because it'd have to be tiny to be suitable for me, and tiny skulls would imply something even more morbid!
Also, Vilia might've left the Well...? Maybe...? Someone blew up her boxes, or something, I don't know... And since every single box was like a child to her, well, it isn't good! I hope that she isn't actually leaving!
Qdim 10th, IY 7788
I still occasionally ponder about my mother... Whether she wanted me, or just left me in an alley.
Yet I also wonder if it really matters. Hard to care about someone who wasn't ever there...
Used to tell myself that I was born from a genie's wish... Gave enough of an explanation, even had the unintended consequences. More tangible idea for a baba than there actually was, too.
But it really is just silly, in the end... A child's romanticized fable, that doesn't really survive further scrutiny. Doesn't even manage to soften the end result, either. Still tossed aside.
Used to be bitter... No, I still am. But in a curious way, more recently, all of it has made me appreciate the mothers that actually do care... And maybe that bitterness makes me hate the folk that do not appreciate their mothers, when they should, even more. Maybe. Wish I wasn't so bitter. Even if it's for good reasons...
Could help at least one mother, now, at least. Not sure of the "how" of it, though. Not really a problem that you can just throw money at...
Or maybe it is.
Qdim 11th, IY 7788
Jaecop is obsessed with slugs! It's so gross! He won't shut up about them, and he just keeps talking about them in excruciating detail! No matter how much I beg and plead, he just continues... I'm pretty sure he's doing it on purpose just to gross me out! That's so mean! I can't even outgross him, because I'm incapable of being gross! It isn't fair... Maybe I can tell him that there's a new termite in town, that only eats banjolele wood!
I think that's too mean, though... Maybe he'll stop if I scream really loudly?
Why are men so obsessed with such strange things, anyhow...? A healthy obsession comes in handy, but being obsessed with creatures that have tentacles on top of their head, that also die upon contact with salt...? That's no good!
Also... There was a big ol' gremlin, running about town, yelling about a Gloombuckle heist, or something. In truth, it's just trying to eat the Gloombuckles. I'm fine with that, because they're a fashion disaster! Anyhow, it ate a bunch, and it also ate Peaceful Phor's wand, which aggravated Phor in a peaceful fashion, and he started slamming his hammer down upon the sands to bring the gremlin out, and it did jump out, but then Phor tried subduing it, again, in a peaceful fashion, and that just made the gremlin real aggressive, and then there were about a dozen folk trying to help Phor, but that gremlin just kept knocking them out!
Most of the time, gremlins are just a nuisance, but they can get real desperate if you try to hurt them... So, that was a big ol' mistake! You shouldn't mess with gremlins! They know fey martial arts!
I wish I did too! I hope that I can learn some on my vacation!
Qdim 12th, IY 7788
Now there's two guys obsessed with "fish saws", except this new guy already has two of them! Nothing about the duo makes sense, which makes sense, considering that the fish saws don't make any sense. I think they call that a transitive quality... Who "they" are, I don't really know. Anyhow, the fish saw is a katana, so it isn't a saw. It kind of has teeth, I suppose... Also, it's not for sawing fish...? I mean, that depends on whom I ask, because some say it's for sawing fish, some say it's for sawing sibilant, some say it's called that because it came from a sawfish?
If it's for sibilant, then that doesn't make any sense, because those are lizards... Unless someone is claiming that the sibilant and tritons and other fishfolk are related...? And that'd just be wild... It's one of those theories that even academicks would laugh at, and they don't tend to laugh a lot, because they're boring people!
Anyhow, this new guy's name is Johnny Blades, and he's much better looking than Sharkboy, and he's also far less socially awkward, and much more likeable, and... Okay, I'm being mean, but that Sharkboy really could use some help... especially from a dentist! Now, the duo are friends... Kind of...? It was a bit sudden. I thought that they were going to kiss! I mean, they were hugging so much, and when it's so sudden, that's what that usually leads to. For me, anyhow.
Jaecop's still going on about slugs, too! At least he won't find a slug saw...
Qdim 13th, IY 7788
The trouble with being famous is that a lot of folk want your autograph! But I don't want to give it... It gives off the impression that my name is more important than that of others, which it isn't! Sure, it's much prettier than most names, even though I still hate my surname, and I really should've changed it like a decade ago, but the only hope for change regarding it at this point is to get married! Maybe I can meet someone on my vacation...? A fey prince...?
Also, some folk want your autograph for unscrupulous reasons... Like, there was that time this guy thought that I was Dölgöön, the Comeliest Duckherd, and he wanted my autograph, and I gave it because I kind of was running away from another town at the time, so I had to have some kind of cover, anyhow, turns out that it was a scam and the paper I signed was actually a folded-up contract! Thankfully for Dölgöön, the Comeliest Duckherd, our handwriting didn't look anything alike!
Anyhow... There's talk of new leagues, but as far as I know, they all only have only one member, each...? I also don't know if they have any tenets... It's weird.
What should I pack for my vacation...? That's always the hardest part! I don't know how many different perfumes I should have... I have my morning perfumes, and my evening perfumes, but carrying them around is a lot of hassle, so, I think I'll just take one for each day! I'll of course pack a tiny blanket and pillow, so that Tonka can sleep in my backpack! A lot of refreshing mango drinks, alongside my eternal ice cube! Oh... I actually have a good idea of what I should take... It's much harder to know what you shouldn't!
Qdim 14th, IY 7788
Nothing much happened today... Nothing I care about, anyhow! Except for these sick birds that I kept running into... They sounded like they were going to drop dead, any minute! A real sore throat... Their singing sounded simply dreadful! But nobody told me if they can have cough medicine! Just some pedantry about coughing being a symptom, not the cause... Pedantry is the cause of me walking away!
Nobody's even wished me a fun vacation! That's so rude! I always give my best wishes to everybody... Except people that I don't like... Which is a lot of folk around here! But you'd think at least someone would've shown some grace!
Oh, and Shum's studying how to be more assertive, or bossy, whichever, so that he can get a promotion! I think he deserves it, already, without any changes to his personality... Though he really should exercise more, because he can barely make it to the top of the Mount! I think the Nadiri that deserves a promotion the most, though, is Lucian! I've recommended him for Zenithar about a gadjillion badjillion times, but nobody ever listens... I'm just going to keep doing that, until they do promote him!
I also kind of tried briefing Jaecop on the Assembly, but... It's kind of impossible? Something weird always happens... It's a force of lunacy that cannot be contained!
Qdim 15th, IY 7788
It feels good to be on the road! Even though so far, it involves a lot of hiding and skulking, from gobs, hobgobs, buggobs and gobgobs... At least Tonka can smell them before they smell us. I think gobs stink so bad that they can't smell much else!
We decided to head towards Al-Nafura, first! Some good memories, here... Well, they're kind of stained, now, I suppose. Still, it seems like a proper place to search for hints about Fairyland! A mysterious oasis, full of mysterious... mystery... Anyhow, as for Mount Prism, I've never seen gobs around here, so it's probably not anywhere near here! I guess they could be hiding in underground tunnels...? Maybe it's an underground mountain. I think those exist...? I think so, anyhow. Fairyland seems more likely, still.
So far, there haven't been any good leads... There's these kids, and they keep climbing around on everything, like tiny little monkeys, but that's just kid stuff... They should be more careful, though! I'm not sure where their parents are... Probably one of the caravans. Folk really should look after their rugrats, especially around here! But supposedly, some fae look after kids, so, maybe that's the reason they're just fine...? Then again, other fae lead them towards danger... Supposedly. Fae are real curious! There's some rules to it all, but they're not really like people rules...
Anyhow, it's very pleasant here... There's a cool breeze, and so far, there's far less crazy folk than in the Well! I should take a vacation more often!
Qdim 16th, IY 7788
So, we didn't really find much of note in Al-Nafura, but it was still nice to see it again! Leaving the oasis behind, we headed towards Spring's Gift... and that's where we are, now! Well, outside it, really. These elves don't let anyone else in there, not even me, or Tonka, or Inky, and we're famous! But you don't get everything with fame... In fact, you get a lot of shit, really!
Anyhow, it's nice here.
I don't really know how to look for leads, though...? If I ask too many questions, that'll just annoy the elves, because a lot of folk ask too many questions from them... So, I kind of don't feel like asking any questions, just to be sure. Then again, just sitting around here, all quiet, probably looks real suspicious, and I don't think that the abundant innocence that flows outwards from my beautiful being is enough to counter that!
Oh, one of the elves asked me if he could pet Tonka. I said yes!
Tonka really liked it! So did the elf!
Anyhow... The problem here is that if Fairyland is hidden inside the Spring, then I can't really go there, and I can't really even find that out, unless I somehow make certain that no other place is the answer, because I can't just ask Spring Elves, well, I can ask, but why would anyone admit it...? This is so much work!
Mount Prism isn't here for certain, though. But I already knew that!
I should've bought one of those transmogry potions! If I looked like an elf, maybe they'd let me in! Wait... I think the Spring would just reject me...?
Oh, well... Even if we don't find anything, it's still real nice to have some time to myself!
Oh! The folk on the road, so far...? None of them like Inky! In fact, they're quite disgusted at the sight! They stick their tongues out, like "ble
THE REVULSION IS MUTUAL, THOUGH MINE IS FAR MORE EMBEDDED IN PURPOSE! WHAT THEY HOLD IS FINITE AND FLEETING, WHILE MINE DISGUST SHALL STAND ETERNAL!
I'm sure that it will!
Anyhow... —urgh"! That's how they sound like! "Bleurgh"! Probably because some of them vomited! Though I'm not sure if that was due to Inky, or food poisoning...? Some folk on the road can't even cook a sausage! Even though you just stick it over the campfire! That's all you do! Some folk are so weird!
Qdim 17th, IY 7788
Kulkund's awful! We don't have much else to say! The weather's awful, it's real cold, and there's just a bunch of moldy ol' caves around, and rickety bridges that could fall off at any moment!
I never got that... "That" being the fact that dwarves just dig some cave in a mountainside, and that's supposed to be the apex of civilization...? Who wants to live in a stinky ol' cave?! I sure don't! I guess I can't throw stones, though, because my ancestors just dug their hovels into hills, instead... But a grassy knoll is much nicer than some cold mountain! Much more colorful, too... More colorful than the mountains dwarves tend to choose, anyway. It's all gray, with some white on the top! Pick a more colorful mountain!
Now, the problem is that Kulkund is a pretty suitable place for both Fairyland and Mount Prism... But we sure as hell aren't going to search for it on our lonesome! It's too dangerous there!
Oh, right. We already left! We're headed off to Frostport... We're taking the ship, the ship with the "Absolutely No Pirates" guarantee! You get your money back if there's pirates... I'd say that's a pretty good deal, and I am saying it right now and here!
Now, Frostport's as cold as a snow elf's demeanor, or their britches, but it's still far more pleasant than Kulkund, because you can just stay indoors and enjoy a nice fire, and look at the snowflakes drifting against your window... One day, I'll share all of that with my handsome husband! Who just happens to be the third thing that I am searching for on this journey!
Who knows, maybe one of those fey elves won't be that arrogant and plain ol' mean...? I guess there's not too big of a chance of that, but it's still fun to dream... Anyhow, with the supposed fey affluence in Frostport... oh, I guess I mean influence? They kind of have both? Fey tend to be real rich? Anyhow, with the supposed fey affluence and/or influence in Frostport, it's one of the more likely places to host either Fairyland itself, or an entrance to it! I'll have to ask the locals about it!
Which might be hard, actually, because I'm pretty sure that they're real fucking scared of the fey!
Qdim 18th, IY 7788
We've spent most of today indoors... It's just so nice and toasty! We did visit the market, though... It's mostly just fish and hides. I bought some for Tonka! Some fish, that is, the hides are all too big for her... and me!
There's not much progress with the investigation... Much as I thought, folk don't really like talking about the fey. There's also the fact that I have a lot of fans in Frostport, so, they mostly just want to talk about my books, instead. Which is totally fine... But it makes me feel a bit guilty for not writing a third one! Yet you can't force art... Even if it's trashy art!
I think I kind of wrote myself into a corner by having the two marry already... I mean, some of the fans pointed that out, too, like, if they're married, why aren't there more intense love scenes...? And well, it's a detective novelette, I can't have them boinking all the time, there has to be some mystery, too, but I think that a lot of boinking is exactly what would happen if I was going for realism...?
Anyhow... Our room is very nice! It's pretty much designed for spending all day in it... So warm, especially the bedding! There's even a bookcase, filled from top to bottom with books! The problem with that is that I have to clean all the Inky residue off them after they get done reading... I would be disgusted, if I hadn't been doing this for nearly a year, or so. Time goes by so quickly...
I GIVE MINESELF TO THE WORLD, EVEN IF IT MAY NOT APPRECIATE SUCH.
You're such a diva! Now... We're probably staying in Frostport for a while longer, simply because it's just so nice here! I was thinking of the Immolation, for tomorrow, but... Well, it's a big ol' volcano, and I think I've had enough of those, for quite some time. Also, it's too near to Qa'im! Well, I'm pretty sure it belongs to Qa'im... So, that's a big ol' "no"! We did consider the Edutu and Bel-Ishün, too, and Inky was especially excited to see them, but there's too many risks involved and I think those river dolphins might be a little too weird for Tonka, since she's still so young. I mean, I don't think any dolphin should have a beak like that!
Qdim 19th, IY 7788
My vacation's over! It's so awful... I wish it had been double the length! I also wish that I could've visited Alkab, too... But maybe there's not much to see downtown...? Maybe it's just a bunch of Kulamet praying, all the time... But I'd still enjoy a stroll through the bountiful fields!
I bought some cherimoya on the way back... I wish I had bought more, because it was so tasty! But I just kind of ate all of it... I wish I had some left to share! I get very wishful after I'm all out of fun...
While I was gone, a bunch of weird stuff happened, which isn't really that surprising... But what is, is that apparently, Aaisha left for Baz'eel! And now they're thinking of making me the DCS...? I didn't see that coming at all! It'll be a ton of responsibility! I'll have to think a lot on how to make things as efficient as possible, yet also less stressful, for my colleagues...
Maybe I should just stock the office with refreshing mango drinks, and buy a couch or two...? I know I'd like that! But that's just a little... There has to be more! I'll be brainstorming for ideas... Why do they call it brainstorming, anyhow? Maybe because it just gives you a big ol' headache, most of the time... Oh! Maybe we can get some cherimoya, too! Maybe this is just too many maybes...
I really hope that I can do a good job, though!
Oh! There's just one big ol' problem! Well, I thought that it would be big, but... Anyhow, we forgot to take Magnifica along for the trip! I feel so bad about it, but... She kind of just got into the sack of chicky feed and she seems just fine...? Like, completely fine. She's a bit chubbier, which is troubling, because she already was a massive ol' hen! I knew I forgot something... Oh well, it's all okay, in the end. I think.
Qdim 20th, IY 7788
It's so weird not having Aaisha around! And now my colleagues call me "boss" and such... Well, some of them were already saying that, but now it's most... I'm not sure if I like it, or not! There really is a ton of responsibility... Now I have lecture Scribes on the dangers of the Stacks! I'm not sure if I can handle that as well as Aaisha...? There's so many hazards there, and probably some strange magickal critters that I don't even know about!
Anyhow... There was a tournament... It was so exciting! What I didn't like, however, was the dragon mascot! I thought that it was a real dragonman, at first! I was so scared! I don't like dragonmen... or dragonfolk... Unless it's a whimsical fairy dragon...man... On closer look, however, the mascot's outfit was so terribly made, and they even paid 5000 dinar for it! That's way too much for such garbage! I could've done a far better job, for far less... Though, if you paid me 5000 dinar, I would either make it so realistic that everyone'd be like, so scared, or I'd make it so cute, that they'd... titubate? I don't know. I just kind of giggle at cute stuffs and things!
Ash was the tournament's champion! Oh, Asherias. Not literal ash. That'd just be silly! I wish I could've made something special as a prize, but I was asked about it so late... I can't work under such strenuous circumstances! I need at least one refreshing mango drink, a week, Inky's help with the paperwork, because all these fabrics have different prices and I can't keep track of all those numbers... Oh, and Tonka, of course! She's my muse!
Qdim 21st, IY 7788
I heard tale of the Isle of Cute Boys! I'm not sure if that's an actual place... or the actual name for it... But if it exists, it's a place I should be at, this very instant!
Anyhow... Carrot's invited a lot of folk to his housewarming party! It'll be the party of the century... The trouble with that, is that now everybody needs a suit, and my shipments are so late, again! I could be making a Lot of Money... But instead, I'm just kind of stuck, moaning about my late shipments to everyone. It stinks! I could use that money... for good deeds, and such! And perfume... Lately, I've really liked perfumes with dates as one of the middle notes! I love dates! I'd love a date with dates... I mean, a date with them as snacks. I wouldn't date a date... They're kind of one of the ugliest of fruits...? They smell real nice, though!
Manta has a chef's outfit... It's curious, because it's black! Most chefs I know wear white... I wonder if he's breaking some sacred code by donning it...? Maybe... I hope that the chef cabal doesn't go after him. Otherwise, I like it... I guess it's kind of avant garde to reverse the color...? At least the colors go together, unlike the red hat that Jamileh was trying on... It was a pirate hat, so, it naturally came with an eyepatch. I've already stated my opinion on wearing eyepatches just for the sake of fashion... It's a faux pas! It's horrible! Don't do it!
Qdim 22nd, IY 7788
Carrot has a magickal bucket, but he doesn't take good care of it! He just leaves it laying around... Some unscrupulous bucket thief could claim it any moment! If I had a magickal bucket, I would treat it like my most prized... well, probably like my... seventh most prized possession. You can do a lot of things with a bucket, and if it's magickal, then that's all multiplied!
Granted, the magickal power of Carrot's bucket is just that it floats a few inches from the ground... which I haven't thought many uses for. I guess you could save money with it, because you don't need to buy a... really low table...?
Anyhow... Manta taught me and Eclair how to make tart! Now I can show all those jerks that called me a "fruity tart" that I'm far more than that, because I can make fruity tarts, now! Take that! Anyhow, baking's a lot of fun, but sometimes the strange magicks of the Well get in the way... Well, I think so, anyhow, I can't be that bad of a chef, or baker, that I end up making stuff that makes no sense...? I mean, if it was a lack of talent, then I'd just burn stuff...
Maybe I should become a maître pâtissier...? It'd certainly pay really well! Then again, I already have so many labors, and so many jobs, and so many hobbies, that maybe it'd be just way too much... There'd be no time to relax! I'd still love to bake for myself and friends, though. How many hobbies is too much...? Is baking a hobby...? Cooking really isn't, because you have to eat! But then again, there's restaurants... Does that turn it into a hobby...? I don't know, and it probably doesn't matter, you should just do stuffs and things without worrying about what folk categorize them as!
Unless they're really, really, really boring things, then you shouldn't do them, obviously!
Qdim 23rd, IY 7788
We went to Al-Nafura, again! We didn't really uncover any mysteries... But Zol Nur did fly! Well, kind of, he floated really high off the ground... which is still more than most folk can do! I wouldn't settle for floating, myself, because it just means that jealous folk could easily throw rocks at you, unlike flying, which would be way too fast for such burdened souls! Jealousy weighs a lot!
Other than that, it was a quiet day... I helped with making a perfect gift for Shum! And no, it's not extra safe dancing shoes... Though it kind of dances on its own, I guess. Thankfully, it's just one dance, with no resemblance to the shuffle!
Also, Eclair's real sleepy, lately... She keeps falling asleep standing up! I think Naelin's a bad influence on her... in more ways than one! I have to yell really loud to wake her up, and then she pretends that she was awake the whole time! That's granny behavior! But she says that she isn't that old... I don't get humans, or their strange aging! Anyhow, if you're going to sleep in public, then you should do it in a rocking chair, because then the rocking will protect you from would-be thieves, who'll yelp real loud when their foot gets stuck underneath!
Everyone keeps asking about my shipments... But I don't want to be a bother! I don't like getting letters telling me to hurry it up with my own job, so why would I do that to someone else...? I'm just going to wait!
Qdim 24th, IY 7788
I'm never taking any of my monkey friends to the Krak, ever again! It was so fucked up, that I'll have nightmares for weeks... What is wrong with some people...?
Anyhow, the Purple meeting was taking so long, that I caught Eclair sleeping outside! Thankfully, she woke up, and we took a close look at everything the Palm Heights have to offer... And I do mean everything, because that meeting took forever, so, I ended up keeping her company for a long time! I don't mind, because I really like Eclair!
We noticed a bunch of things... There's at least three different kinds of palms in the Heights! One of them might have dates... Again, the fruit. I don't know if I'd have a date on a palm... Doesn't seem like there's much space... Maybe if it was a real big one, and my date was about my size! Then it would be no problem at all! Oh, what else...? Oh, there's a bunch of these wooden boxes around, and we couldn't figure out what they're for. Either trash or compost...? Oh, and there's a bunch of lewd ladies! Not real ones... Well, they're real, just in sculpted form!
The strangest thing of all, however, was Eclair bathing right in that fountain there! In her armor! She just walked right dab into the middle, and stood there while the water streamed all over her! It was so weird... She said that she did that because it was too hot! I guess heatstroke makes folk do strange things... I told Rhuk Nor about it! Well, I told everyone at the Purple meeting about it... but Rhuk Nor was the only one to show up, and he said that Eclair's banned from that fountain from now on! I didn't really want that to happen, I just wanted everyone to know what a weird thing she did...
Later on, there was a tournament at the Krak! Manta had made a bunch of tasty treats... I ate too much, and my tummy was so full... I kind of lost track of what was going on with the fights...? I mean, they were real confusing to begin with, because they redid a few, because people weren't paying attention, or something like that, but all that sugar in me didn't help either! I was so tired... I'm not even sure who won...? I think it was a Modini... Or two Modini... I can only remember two guys with funny accents making a deal about the prize money...
Thankfully, I had some noomi basra before bed, and my tummy was saved! Hooray!
Qdim 25th, IY 7788
Mock trials are a great deal of fun! I even got to be the judge! Well, it was pretty much just because the original mock judge didn't show up... Still, I think I did a pretty good job! I even improvised a little, well, a lot, and gave my judge some personality! So, I made him an ol' country judge... If I knew beforehand that I'd be playing an ol' country judge, then I would've loaned someone's dog! One of those sleepy-eyed ones!
Ekmel had prepared a proper murder mystery! One of those where all the pieces slowly come together over time! It was so intriguing, uncovering the whole truth as the trial went on... Though Ekmel says that he'll reveal the truth later! I don't know what could possibly complicate it even more...?
Some jerk kept yawning and snoring and such! They better have been acting! If it had been a real trial, Orton would've walloped the fool's family jewels into dust!
Also, I got so into my role, that I yelled for a mint drink, and Tavitkh actually made me one... I was so embarassed! The drink was tasty, and very, very, very refreshing, though!
Anyhow... All in all, Ekmel had done such an impressive job with organizing the entire affair, that I promoted him on the spot! It's good to have actually competent people like him and Jaecop for a change... well, we've had competent folk before, of course, it's just that they disappear within a week! Probably eaten by the Stack Spectre... which, despite its name, isn't an actual spectre! Or maybe they just find out that you have to actually work around here, and then they run off to some community of lazy bums, and die of starvation because everyone's far too lazy to procure food!
Qdim 26th, IY 7788
Mirkka took the next step on her path towards the Meet-a-Brew! This time, she drank a lot of speed brews... And I thought that I drink too much coffee! She was twitching... everywhere! Even her eye and ears and her hair and... well, just every part of her was convulsing! And after her curious vision, she was moving faster than ever before, and now, she even has a colorful trail of pure energy following in her wake!
The most curious thing about this, however? Even after doing all that, she was nowhere near as fast as Richo! The blessings of Warad must go far beyond even the strongest of brews! Which makes sense... divinity, and all.
Now, that creepy necromancer had left a bunch of notes and undead laying about the valley. I didn't really understand any of it... Neither the notes, nor the zombies! I think it's very rude to interrupt sacred traditions like that! I hope he chokes on a chicken bone!
All these brew rituals have me thinking... Could I drink a lot of something to acquire wondrous powers, too? Maybe if I drink a hundred refreshing mango drinks in one go, I'll reach a state of refreshment so cozy, that I'll be able to... levitate...? I don't know, seems like monks are always doing stuff like that... or maybe I'll just learn a really neat jump kick! Yeah! It'll explode into a burst of mangoful color! Great for self-defense, and entertainment!
Qdim 27th, IY 7788
I helped Selwyn get an interview with the Astronomers! Oh, Selwyn's this newcomer, a fellow halfling who's really quick on their feet, and with their brain... Although, despite that newness, they already seem to have a ton of friends... Which isn't surprising, because they're really nice, and really pretty! Not as pretty as me, of course, but nobody else can manage such, because there's only so much beauty to be had in the world!
Anyhow, you'd think that the Astronomers would be excited to have new Nadiri, but instead, they were all being real lazy, and were all telling Selwyn to wait, and to come back later... But due to my help, Azimi told these two lazy layabout Nadiri to interview Selwyn, and now, they're on the fast track to Nadirihood! I should've probably warned them that the Astronomers are a real weird bunch, but I guess it's better to allow folk to follow their dreams...
After that, Nibb led an expedition to the Ashways, because he was looking to get married, or something, well, I think he wanted some old wizard to be in debt to him somehow, anyhow, the details don't matter, because it was a grand journey! Well, it was at first, because the mysteries we uncovered started as pleasant, but then they got really, really, really unpleasant! I much prefer mysteries related to shopping, than mysteries interwoven with death and squalor!
Also, Eclair kept running ahead, constantly... She's far too brave for her own good! She might've ran into a colossal sand shark! She didn't, but she might have!
Anyhow, unless someone solves the shopping mystery, I don't think I'm going back to the Ashways, anytime soon! It's far too spooky in there! I can only tolerate spookiness if there's at least some fun involved, and shopping certainly qualifies for that!
I really want one of those carpets!
Qdim 28th, IY 7788
Some Kulamet want a garden around the temple! Oh, not Marcellus' combination memorial library and Temple of Agaslakku... and not the old abandoned Temple of Agaslakku... nor the the tiny temple that all the chore mice go to... but the Temple of B'aara!
I think it's a grand idea! It's just that you need a lot of healthy soil, and a lot of water, and resilient plants, and probably a bunch of other stuffs and things that I don't know about, because I'm not a natural philosopher! Natural philosophers know a lot about nature, because they sit on rocks all day, going "hmm" while rubbing their chin... and that gives them the wisdom to know their poppies from their petunias! I just know by taking a glance!
If they can actually manage it, then they should make it the most colorful garden on the entire Disc! Such a dazzling display of color that nobody could walk by without taking a gander! But... since it's the Well... It'll probably just be a mizzar field, and everyone'll smoke it all up, and it won't have a rustic charm to it, either, it'll just have a bunch of lazy layabouts hanging around, and they'll greet you really slowly as you pass by, like "heeeeeeeey" because they'll be so doped out, and they'll try tell you that they want everyone to dance naked not because they're creepy perverts, but because it's actually really liberating, and it'll all be really embarassing and pathetic...
If I had a Lot of Money, I'd donate some of it to ensure that we'd have a grand garden, instead of such a horrid embarassment!
Qdim 29th, IY 7788
I haven't had much luck with Royal Dragon, lately... I must switch up my strategy! My lucky strategy!
Anyhow, it was mostly a real quiet day, full of real boring stuff... Like Carrot and Elara asking me about numbers. They're so bad with them! Even worse than me! I had to repeat them so many times, that the repetitions probably reached the same count as those big ol' numbers, and they were big! There's some things about this work that you have to repeat to folk many, many, many times, so that they form even the faintest of understandings...
Maybe I should start charging for that...? Like, at the very start of one of these questionnaires, I tell them that they should be listening real careful, because each repetition costs a certain sum! Oh, how many good deeds could I do with such a scheme... With certain folk, it'd fund yet another district! And you could have a placard on the buildings, that'd say "repetition built this house"!
Also, Selwyn's been saying "sup the mist" a lot, as a greeting... It makes them sound like a drug dealer! Who'd want to sup the mist, anyhow...? I mean, mist is really pretty, and I like walks on a misty day, but I wouldn't sup it... In fact, I don't really talk about supping, ever. I have supper, but I don't say that I sup it? "Supping" is kind of a dumb word, really... Anyhow, Zol Nur banned Selwyn from saying it, ever again! Good!
Qdim 30th, IY 7788
Jamileh had a big ol' hankering for some spelunking... So we went down below! Well, I mostly went just because Zol Nur was placing a big ol' burden on Selwyn, by inviting them to come along... Even though a tiny little snake had put Selwyn into a coma, shortly before! Should've had a pungi to distract it... I also find it horribly distracting, but simply because I can't stand that awful sound! Anyhow, I wanted to make sure that Selwyn would make it back to the Well safely.
Going under layer and layer of soil never feels good, unless you're a dwarf, or a gnome, and they do it for completely different reasons... I also hate rickety elevators! I keep thinking that they're going to just give and fall down... Thankfully this one didn't! Gupp was nowhere to be seen, but he's a ghost, so, even when you see him, you kind of don't... What we did find, however, was truly astonishing!
DQWR! DQWR! DQWR! DQWR!
Oh, we didn't find that, I just like saying it out loud. Well, I said it out loud while writing, anyhow!
DQWR!
Anyhow, someone had done a real bad job of cleaning up after themselves, so, there were a bunch of horrid critters running amok, and it was terrible! They came up the stairs and everything! A true spelunker doesn't leave things like that... Even if they're real selfish, because it makes things worse for everyone, including themselves! It's just completely unprofessional!
So, we just left some falafels for Gupp and hurried to the surface! Which was the right thing to do, I'm pretty sure Selwyn and me would've been the supper of some horrid beast if we'd gone even a few more steps ahead!
Qdim 31st, IY 7788
Carrot's big party was a grand affair! Everyone was there... Even Shum! Everyone danced to the rambunctious rhythms of Narwen and Jaecop's tunes! There was a lot of tempo, which is good, because I need an abundance of it, due to having a lot to shake... I'm not petite everywhere!
Jaecop did perform his Snail Song, though... I just completely ignored his singing, and made up my own lyrics! I think the lyrics went something like this:
Ya ya ya ya
Ya ya ya ya
Ya ya ya ya
Shut up, Jaecop
Anyhow, the most surprising thing was how sharply dressed everyone was! Well... most folk were rather stylish... Then there was Marcellus' leprechaun suit! It's horrible! I'm pretty sure it absorbs the green from anything surrounding it... It should be illegalized! Also, Jamileh was dressed like someone's divorced aunt, out on the prowl like a drunken dunecat!
The second most surprising thing was the explosive skeleton that the necromancer sent in as a party gift! Someone thought that it'd be a good idea to punch the explosive skeleton, which caused it to do what explosive skeletons do... Explode! That was such a dumb idea! So, it blew up, while I was hiding in Carrot's bedroom with Selwyn... It smelled of scorch, because Angelique took a nap there! We were unharmed, while everyone else had a bunch of ash and blood on them, because they just stood there... for some reason!
Anyhow, we played darts after that... It was nice! Even though the board was obviously rigged!
Tesrin Hray 1st, IY 7788
A lot of folk want to talk to me about the election! I'd rather talk about... cabbage rolls! So many cultures have their own version of the humble cabbage roll! Doesn't anyone else find that interesting...? Because I do... I'd try them all out, if I could! But most of the cultures blew up, or something like that! So I can only try so many, now...
And a lot of folk make promises! They ask me what I'd like... I'd like to be left alone to do my labor in peace! But I can't say that, because they'd get real mad, even though it's the truth... And I'd like a bunch of stuff that's not even for me, and things that you can't even give... There's always a thousand promises, and they're all incompatible with each other! I guess promises are like cabbage rolls, in truth, there's only so many to be had.
At least the promises I have to give are realistic... A promotion here, new stationery there, shared lunch hours... Still have to say "no" occasionally, but so far, everyone seems to understand why. Have to operate under a very limited budget... And still, the assholes have the gall to say that Scribes are paid too much, all the while they themselves earn at least four times as much, for doing barely anything! Screw the Accord! If I have to listen to another obnoxious question about what we do, while a Scribe lifts barrels of the Blessed Waters onto a cart right next to them, I'll just walk away!
Labor goes unappreciated here! One day, that sort of attitude will blow up right in their face, and they'll all be dumbfounded! What jerks!
Tesrin Hray 2nd, IY 7788
Eclair has a rusty bucket of a helm! It's so rusty, that it really sits around the house! Wait, that's the wrong punchline... Oh well! Now, I know a lot about removing rust, but Eclair simply rejected my suggestions to douse it in vinegar, or citric acid. Instead, she wants some dwarves to reforge it with a "proper forge"... My suggestion's much easier, because it doesn't involve traipsing all the way to Kulkund. Unless only the dwarves know the secret of the Sublime Vinegar...
Anyhow, there's a bunch of Modini around, lately, and some of them talk a lot about "molten beans". I think it might be a bean dish with a lot of chillies, which sounds my kind of meal! I didn't know that they like beans, though... I just figured that they make everything out of eel, even dough! You just have to really wallop that fish goop up into a powderous form! They call it fishmeal... Usually they feed it to cows and pigs, but I'm pretty sure the Modini love it too, as a quick snack.
Also, Narwen and Cypress brought some flowers from the Spring! They're so pretty, but quite tiny. I hope they grow to a massive size! So gigantic that someone of my petite size could use them for a bed... Yeah! But I wouldn't actually sleep on them, of course, I just really want some really big flowers. Well, if someone gifted me a big ol' flower, then I'd probably try sleeping on it, but since it's a public garden, that's kind of rude!
It's just that whenever folk talk of flower beds, I get kind of hopeful...
Tesrin Hray 3rd, IY 7788
Political rallies are weird! Some guy yells a bunch of fancy words, and occasionally, folk clap, and then it ends, and everybody goes home, except for folk like Jamileh, who're really drunk and start yelling about rioting... I don't get it! It's like watching a bard, except there's no music, and I understand even less of the verbal... content... Also, there was no snacks, like those salted pea pods that I really like. I was so hungry! I simply left and took a long nap!
Anyhow.. The Fashion Show is soon! I have two designs, but only one of them is really finished... Well, I have a bunch of old designs, too, of course, but I think it''d be kind of weak to show off something that you just have laying around! I want to astonish folk with my latest ideas! Anyhow, some folk keep complaining about the sash on the finished one... But it absolutely needs it, and a red sash is simply the most suitable. Now, if I knew magick, I'd absolutely make it change color according to your hair color, or your hat, but since I'm not a magick man, they'll just have to acquiesce to my genius!
I do wonder if I should do something completely different for the show after this one, though... That dolly is so popular. Now, I normally don't really care whether my designs are popular or not, because most folk here have simply dreadful taste, but I still have bills to pay. So, I'm considering something like that... Maybe a doll of Tonka. That would sell like grumblecakes! But Tonka's still so young, and a young lady shouldn't be overburdened with fame... Maybe it should be an anonymized depiction of her.
Oh, maybe a dolly of a black cat with a witch's hat, for witches who are still too young for the responsibility, or allergic...? By cornering the witch demographic, I'd never run out of money. Everyone knows that witches get riches!
Tesrin Hray 4th, IY 7788
Richo's back! I'm happy as a bee... in a flower field... that just sprung forth into existence... so it's full of pollen! Somewhat questionable pollen, but then again I have a bunch of questions about Richo's return, too!
Turns out that Richo, Massoud, Hashima and Rock were stuck in some underground cave all this time! And they only had bison, honey and milk to dine on! That's horrible! Wait, that actually sounds really pleasant... In fact, it sounds like a far nicer diet than most folk around here have! Maybe cave bison's really stringy, though? I'm not a bison expert! I do know that they're really cute, though... I wish I had a bison for a friend, but someone'd probably try to eat them. That's why I never let Magnifica outside!
Delightful diets aside, Rock dug a way out of there, and now they're all back! We immediately had some coffee, which was great! Richo downed about twenty mugs in one go! Is coffee the blessed beverage of Warad...? Probably! Thankfully it's reasonably priced, because Richo's vow of poverty would otherwise get in the way of... sacred consumption.
And that's not all, he even has yet another tale ready! I like Richo's stories, though they tend to be really long. It's why during storytime, I usually try to have a chair nearby, or a couch, or a bed. You might as well make yourself comfy!
Tesrin Hray 5th, IY 7788
Carrot is such a messy person! Whenever he's tinkering, he just throws junk everywhere, which would simply be embarassing, if it were just paint and stuff like that, but he also threw razor-sharp paper shreddings all across the laboratory! You couldn't walk anywhere without stepping on some. It was awful! My feet hurt so much! I'm never observing his work, ever again!
And he's so bad with his tools, too... I thought that the bucket would be just an one-off issue, but he also leaves his wheelbarrow behind! There's so many cart thieves around, and even if you're so rich that you can afford to just buy a new one, you should still respect your tools of labor! The only reason for why I might leave mine behind, is because I forget... I do that a lot, but at least I care!
He made a lot of those paint bombs, too... I hate those things, because they ruin your outfit! Simply dreadful! Pranks should make everyone involved have a hearty guffaw... I can't do that if my ascot no longer complements my shirt! Thankfully, he didn't leave any of the bombs laying around. Instead, he gave them to poor Selwyn, and tried to shift the blame of painting the laboratory on them! What a jackass!
Tesrin Hray 6th, IY 7788
I was really sleepy, all day! There's just so much work, and it involved a lot of numbers... Those alone would tire me out, really.
It's not that bad, because I can take a lot of naps, anyhow, unless there's an emergency. It's just that doing that really skews my sense of reality...? Like, I have a lot of dreams about this "Moon Store"... or maybe it's the "Moon Shoppe"...? It's probably "Shoppe", because my dreams tend to be real fancy, and that certainly qualifies!
Anyhow, it's this shop that sells a lot of moon merchandise. There's miniature moons, moon dollies, moon wands, slippers shaped like a crescent moon... Also, the vendor is a moon! Just as a person... They have legs and hands, and even wear glasses! They sound real wise, and sometimes, they sound like Zol Nur, which is real weird, and whenever I realize that, the dream ends and I wake up!
Now, I have this dream a lot, so, occasionally, when I'm tired, I kind of make the mistake of thinking that it's a real place...? It's real embarassing. There's already been a few times where folk have looked at me in utter confusion, because I started talking about it. But can you really blame me? Moons are really neat! I'd certainly shop at such a store... I think a lot of folk would, really.
I also have dreams where I'm married to the Fey King! They're great dreams! But I don't have the same issue regarding those, because everyone knows that there's just a Fey Queen, so, it's highly unrealistic, even for a dream.
Tesrin Hray 7th, IY 7788
I thought that it'd just be highly questionable... I was going to write entertainment, but I mostly just attend these affairs because I kind of have to, as an official? I don't really get much enjoyment from such... Still feel like rooting for the chumps that risk their lives. I guess. Still wish they'd just wrestle, because there'd be no blood involved! But since it's Kha'esh, there'd still be something skeevy going on...
Anyhow, turns out that imprisoning some of the fiercest orcan warriors, gathering them all in one place, and then letting them do whatever under shoddy security, is a bundle of bad ideas! They freed themselves with the help of the Seekers! And so, the crowd was soon surrounded by Kulamet extremists, and illusionary orcs, and it was simply horrifying! So many folk were cut down... I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.
I think I'd be dead if Yataghan hadn't told us to get on the caravan... Oh, "us" being Argent, Mirielle, and... some guy. I still don't know who that was! Maybe they said their name, but I was highly distracted for perfectly understandable reasons! Escaping Kha'esh felt simply strange... and there certainly was a tinge of guilt to it, too. But what could have I done? I'm just a paper-pusher...
Now, there's a bunch of Titans walking about the dunes, supposedly awakened by the Thousand Clans. Just one of them killed a bunch of people, before it fell... That's horrible! I don't even know what a Titan is! Is it a step between Colossi and Latent...? I'll leave that for the eggheads... I don't understand any of it! I hope that they can figure out some kind of secret weapon against them, though. Or maybe we can just talk to them. I won't name them, because I don't like getting stabbed! Then again, I don't know if they are who I think they are, because everyone always stares at me like I'm crazy when I present my theory!
Tesrin Hray 8th, IY 7788
The Fashion Show was kind of slow, this time around... Not too many contestants. I did like the flair of Manta's showing... Well, kind of, I couldn't see for a while due to all the flashing lights. I don't do that sort of stuff for my showings, because I want the attire to speak for itself! Also, I don't know any magick, besides a couple pirate spells... Well, fine, I did summon a salty sea breeze to glam up Kate's hair!
Even Selwyn took part... But I'm not certain if it was their work, or Manta's, because Selwyn was so unconfident, and seemed to be just improvising a whole lot. I didn't say anything about it, though... But they really should've submitted something of their own making, if it wasn't. And if it was... They should've prepared far more! I guess performing in front of so many people doesn't come as easy to most as it comes to me...
Oh, and folk kept walking on and past the show carpet as if nothing was going on! What jerks! That should be a crime! Call it "Impeding Fashion", or something like that... It should carry a hefty fine! And the money from the fines should be used to educate the children in tailoring, and fashion! Yeah! Considering how utterly uncouth so many here are, we'd have the most talented tailors anywhere, in the span of a few years!
Anyhow... My latest design is called "Glimmer"! I was inspired a lot by Alkab, Banafsi, Il Modo... Not by Qadira, though, because they wear flea-ridden animal hides. Anyhow, I guess it's a bit silly to have such coastal attire here, in the Well, but maybe it'll remind some folk of their home? Getting the pearls for the dye was a major hassle... But it was worth it! The shirt looks simply wondrous, with how it sparkles! One thing I'm starting to wonder about, though... These pieces seem to take on peculiar qualities after they're finished! Is it some form of myth magick...? It must be... In all labor, there's some sort of tale!
Tesrin Hray 9th, IY 7788
Birds! Herons, to be specific! Yeah, that's the ticket... It'll be my best design yet! I also want to do the "Fruit" line, but right now, I'm simply obsessed with this one... And it's much easier to focus on one outfit, rather than three, or more! And they would've featured a lot of stripes... I can already hear it... "What's stripes got to do with fruit?" EVERYTHING, YOU TASTELESS SHMUCK! TAKE YOUR SOOTY SCHMATTES AND LEAVE! Then again... if I name this one "Heron"... and even if it features herons to such an extent that even the blind can see them... someone will ask why it's called that!
Richo fought some sort of Qa'immi contraption, and found a muffin...? I don't know if it had the muffin, or if it was simply an unrelated find... But I think I'll stash my muffins somewhere real safe, just to be sure! My weekly treats aren't meant for mechanical blasphemers! They're for me, and Tonka, and my friends. I don't give Tonka muffins, though. They make her fart a lot! She likes chicky liver better, anyhow. I bought her some with my Royal Dragon winnings! Well, I didn't spend all of it, because I won a lot.
Also, a certain former Legate is simply such an infuriating sack of trash, that it is no surprise at all that folk call him Ballstain behind his back! I hope that one of his brooking students curses his beard to fall off!
Tesrin Hray 10th, IY 7788
Some folk want to meet with the Sibilant Emperor! They're crazy! I'd rather meet... well, I'd rather meet a lot of folk. Like the model for these illustrations in my favorite novelettes... His pecs are as big as my head! They don't credit him, though... I'd want him for my own books, too, so, it's simply awful, not having a clue of who he is! I'd also ask about his diet and exercise routine... Maybe ask him out on a date, too, if there's a hint of chemistry!
I wouldn't ask the Sibilant Emperor anything like that, though! I wouldn't ask him anything at all, because I don't want to meet him, ever!
Another crazy thing... The amount of money folk are dropping into this election! They're taking loans, left and right, to Voice anyone that they can find. I'm pretty sure that most of these loans will never be paid back! It's good for the treasury, though... Come to think of it, a lot of the money in there is due to folk being weird! Like just having to get the last word on the bellows... I hope all this money goes to good causes. Like helping the blind weavers of the Well! Those carpets don't make themselves!
Also... a lot of folk don't seem to know where the Palm Heights is...? Are...? Anyhow, that's really weird. When I first came here, I got a good look at everything! But some folk just know the Pyramid, and the Krak, maybe the Souk, and that's it. I think that's really sad. They'd love Manny's coffee, Angelica's fashions, Mro Po's tasty dishes... and banking services...? Wait, are folk not using the Coinchangers at all?! Where do they keep their money?
Tesrin Hray 11th, IY 7788
Ahmet won the election! What a surprise! Seems like he got all of the Accord on his side... Reminds me of Domhnall's scheming promises... Hopefully he didn't promise too much, and hopefully that's one of the few similarities that they share. I don't want another crazy boss! I've had enough of those!
Selwyn played an impromptu game of Efuddy with me... The word was "Bashy"! I wasn't able to guess it. It's kind of a new nickname... Everyone else calls me Bash, Big Bash, Bashi, or a bitch, so, I probably could've guessed those rather easily! Also, Selwyn tried shaking hands with me... I don't like that! I don't like shaking hands with closer friends, even... Even hugs need time. I don't trust folk to keep their hands to themselves... I hope they weren't offended! It's not them, it's me and decades of trauma!
Shaking hands is real weird in general, though. Cultures that hug and kiss instead have it right! But I guess that'd be even harder with strangers...
Anyhow... Whenever there's a new Legate, we have to familiarize them with a ton of stuffs and things. Thankfully, Ahmet seems like a fast learner. I hate repeating myself, and I didn't have to do that a single time!
Tesrin Hray 12th, IY 7788
Today mostly just involved showing Ahmet the Divan, and familiarizing him with the War Council a little. The Terrace certainly wows a lot of folk when they first see it, for understandable reasons! Surely one of my favorite places around here... I wish I got to visit more, well, I mean properly, I take papers to the Divan daily, but to the Majordomo and the Princesses...? Relatively rarely. I like the garden... I took a nap there once... not by choice... and surprisingly, nobody cared. Maybe they just didn't notice me due to my petite frame?
I did take a lot of naps in the Divan, too, when staying home was too dangerous... Gave me a lot of strange dreams, due to all the shaking and trembling.
As for the War Council, I'll probably have to give up my seat to someone else. Being the DCS is just so much work, and logistics involves a lot of numbers. And since as DCS, I work with logistics, and on the War Council, I also work with logistics, I have to cut down something so that I can work with a toleratable amount of numbers! That sort of thought involves numbers, too, it seems... I hate it!
Anyhow, I hope that I can still continue being the correspondent to the Princesses, though. Very few numbers involved, and I still get to hear all the juicy gossip and such! It's a wonderful position... For some reason, people don't really share much with me lately, unless they want it to spread around the Well...? I don't share the top secrets, only the bottom secrets, the ones that are simply intriguing, but don't endanger the Well, or the desert as a whole, if they're shared!
They also seem to think that it isn't completely and utterly obvious that they want just that... Which is where I want them, myself. Being seen as the ditz makes things far easier!
Tesrin Hray 13th, IY 7788
Apparently, Jamileh's moving...? I think. I thought that she was living with the Torchbearers, or in that room at the fore of the upper corridor in the Krak, but the latter belongs to Dante, I think. I don't know why she's moving...? Did the Torchbearers and her have a big ol' fight...? I wouldn't be surprised, everyone involved with such would have quite a volatile personality. With the exception of Eclair, I suppose... She's just a little strange.
Triffi's back in the Well. It's a little awkward, because she seems to have realized that I don't take well to relationships that simply assume an element of friendship from the get-go...? It's the assumption, really, some friendships can start real quickly, like the one I have with Richo! But that's just how everything with Richo is... fast! Anyhow, I don't really know what to say to her. I don't know what to say to a lot of folk that assume that I'm their friend...? It's just so awkward.
Some of the fan letters that I get...? Even they make such assumptions! Either calling me their friend, or themselves my best friend, or both... It's all so awkward and strange. I kind of just thank them for liking my books or my latest designs...? Oh, yeah. I have to categorize my fans, now, so I don't confuse what they like. Some like my books, some like the fashion, some like both, some just have the hots for me...? Thankfully, Inky helps, because they love organizing paper.
ALL MUST BE COMMITTED TO THE ETERNAL MEMORY, AND WITH AN ORGANIZED PROCEDURE. THE PECULIAR INTERCONNECTIONS BETWEEN PERSONAGES REVEAL MUCH ABOUT THEIR NATURE. MANY MALES CRAVE BASHIR OF KHATARA WITH A MOST INCULT TENOR, DUE TO THE RAW AND UNREFINED SENSUALITY CONTAINED WITHIN YOUR AESTHETIC QUALITIES. LIKE A GEMSTONE UNCUT, YET CHIPPED.
Oh, shut up!
Tesrin Hray 14th, IY 7788
BARK.
STONE.
SILVER.
STAR.
THESE ARE OF THE AGES.
Oh, don't you start doing that, too! I've had enough mystical... mysticism... to last a lifetime!
They kidnapped me! Shot a sleeping dart right into my neck... Then absconded with my petite form, and threw me on an ash sail! Wanted me to take notes about the Titan's recovery! Why can't someone else do that...? I don't want to be anywhere near highly aggressive constructs that are a thousand times bigger than me! Thankfully the thing didn't wake up... If it had, I would've ran far out into the dunes, and prayed to Warad to guide me!
It wasn't all bad, though... There were plenty of cute little critters abound, and foliage, and such! Apparently, that's what these Titans bleed...? Nature? I don't really get it... Well, I kind of get it, I think. Also, there was a big ol' peacock, running about! So, I chased him around for a bit. I named him Pearis. He had been there long enough to molt a few feathers? So, I gathered a big ol' pile of them. I've a few ideas for such beautiful plumage! I miss Pearis, though.
And then... when the Titan was being lifted high above... we were surrounded by strange mists! And fell into a deep sleep... and dreamt a dream of curious portents! At first, I thought it was just the sleeping dart, messing with my mind, but everyone else had the same dream! And in that dream, I saw...
...a tree that wasn't a tree!
...a face that wasn't a face!
...a mask that wasn't a mask!
I suppose that doesn't make much sense, but it's dream logic, so, it only makes sense within the dream...? Who knows. I'm not a dreamologist. What I do know, is that I don't ever want to have such horrid dreams, ever again! I want to have pleasant dreams... Like the one where I just ride an unicorn across a big ol' rainbow. That's all that happens, and it's simply grand!
Tesrin Hray 15th, IY 7788
What an annoying Allotment! When everybody gets to ask for money, it just turns into another Assembly... And then they have the gall to complain that there's no Scribes on the floor, immediately! I always make announcements regarding the happenings first, and this was the first time that there's ever been complaints regarding that! But if you don't make at least ten bellows, some folk will complain that they had no idea that something was happening... They'll do that, anyhow, but might as well try to reduce the number of such dinguses!
Some student from the Sandstone asked for a loan of ten thousand to buy an entire alley... First of all, alleys cost way more than that, unless it's like, the tiniest, shittiest alley to ever alley! Second of all... How's a student supposed to pay back? They make no money. Unless they sell drugs! Third... there was no talk of interest! If there truly was to be no interest, then that'd effectively be the same as just giving them the alley, because it belongs to the state, so, transfering all that money around would be completely meaningless...?
Also, Azimi spoke about hypersomething. I think my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, said that I have bouts of that, well, I thought so, but apparently this time, it's related to money...? I wasn't really paying attention, I think finances are real boring, unless they bring a lot of money to the treasury, because that means that folk can have nice things. I think this hypersomething means that folk can have less nice things for the same amount of money...? Maybe. Again, it's real difficult, and dull. That's awful, though. Folk should get plenty of nice things!
At least me and my colleagues got paid! That's great! Slightly less great if the hypersomething is real...?
Tesrin Hray 16th, IY 7788
Jamileh dyed her backpack with a most horrid pink! Most of the time, I approve of pink, but it was simply too much, and clashed with her outfit to such an extent that even the blind would shoot judgmental glares at the eyesore! So, I volunteered to help her a little, to steer her onto the path of righteous fashion! Yet she kept suggesting further crimes against color coordination... In the end, she agreed to a light brown, with ochre detailing. The day was saved!
Then there was a War Council meeting up on the Divan... It really made me realize that despite not knowing a whole lot, I still know just a little more than most! Well, regarding some things, at least... I kind of wish I didn't, though. Ignorance is bliss! At least sometimes... There's a careful balance to knowing about the right things, and not knowing about the nightmarish stuff that keeps you up at night.
They're building a big ol' cannon... I kind of don't understand why some were opposed to it...? Can't win a war without a big ol' cannon or two! Well, maybe in the past, but as the Wheel turns, so does the exacerbation of violence! Which is horrible, but what are you going to do about it...? Not much, since people are kind of fucked up.
Tesrin Hray 17th, IY 7788
Az-Rans the Choker was such a menace, choking everything and everyone he could get his disgusting hands around... including my poor goat friends! They have it hard enough already... Thankfully, the Choker choked himself, for some reason. It was real weird. He's dead now! Hooray!
Oh! I've considered a choker for myself, but my androgyny is a most deliberated harmony, where going too much in one direction or the other will ruin it! So, no choker for me... Unless I go lighter on the kohl. That works!
Anyhow, the menace of the Choker was soon replaced by the Scorpion, however... Barfa the Scorpion! What a truly disgusting orc he was... Somehow even worse... Anyhow, I went along with the raiding party, just to make sure that everyone would be okay, especially my goat friends! But it all went awry, when a Titan stomped into the orcan fortress! It also stomped on a bunch of people... It was horrible! I kept far away from that horrid creature! I'm not going anywhere near them, because I don't want to be a pancake, I just want to eat them!
That Titan kept chasing folk around until it seemingly saw something, and wandered off... Where did it go?
Tesrin Hray 18th, IY 7788
I haven't slept... I can't. Bought a bottle, but I just ended up giving it to a wounded Janissary. Maybe it'll hold off the pain, if even for a moment.
Not mine, though. I'm paralyzed, by the anxiety, by my own stupidity. Just following orders isn't an excuse... neither is ignorance. Especially when I really should know better.
Are the gates of Baz'eel open...? I don't even know if I care anymore. I'm too deep into this. Like a rat escaping the flood... Yet it just keeps rising, and rising. Hop on whatever makeshift raft there is, and you simply find out that the stream only goes in one direction.
I don't know if there were any other choices. It doesn't matter. I would still shoulder the blame.
And then...
I let them in. What's wrong with a little hospitability in times like these...? Everything, seemingly.
The doors are closed for a reason. I've learned little in the past year or so... Still a refugee, still an idiot, still the ditz... Even if I exaggerate it. In the end, you can only emphasize what is already there.
Tesrin Hray 19th, IY 7788
They did a ton of renovations atop the Divan! Now, it looks absolutely fabulous... Magnificent carpets, piled from silk, infused with the finest crimson dyes, purified from any imperfections... and I'm pretty sure that the accents are actual gold! The sofas are so comfy, that I nearly fell asleep when trying them out! And I mean... I might end up sleeping there, anyhow, might as well get some benefit from the job while I can... I'm pretty sure that yesterday was my last mistake... At least careerwise!
None of the other refugees seem to care, though... All the locals call me an idiot, though! Not to my face, though... At least not yet. Word still hasn't spread enough. I'm kind of petrified, still... I kind of have a feeling that they're going to hang me for this... Or assign me to camel statistics for the rest of my natural life!
Anyhow, the Divan also has a hammam, now. It has really strict rules... Understandably so! Some refugees, whom come from cultures without them...? They have no respect for the hammam! The only ones that should do buffoneeries, tomfooleries, or gaieties of any sort in a hammam, are the hammam fairies! Not that I'm going to let any of them in there... I'm kind of wary about guests, now. To such an extent that when my neighbor knocked on my door this morning, I nearly jumped into the ceiling... I'm just that paranoid!
She just wanted to know if I'd like some pistachios from the Souk... What a kindly ol' granny!
Tesrin Hray 20th, IY 7788
Seems like Eclair truly did leave! I thought that folk were just exaggerating... But she's completely gone! She didn't even leave a letter! That's so rude! If I left on a journey into the unknown, I'd always leave a letter, no matter what! Well... maybe certain circumstances would make that difficult... Like if my travels took me to the clouds. I should probably have a homing pigeon, just for such occasions! I do have Magnifica, but... she's too fat.
Because she doesn't have an address, I can't even send her a letter, complaining about the lack of one. It stinks!
I have so many good memories about her! Like all the times when her cousins came for a visit... I still don't know why they were gnomes...? Is Eclair a one-sixteenth-gnome? Anyhow, they were really peculiar... like most gnomes... That's probably why Eclair is particularly peculiar for a human! Yeah! That makes perfect sense!
And then there was that time when she destroyed my couch, by kicking it with righteous fervor, moldering it into a pile of dust! She did that because she thought that it was evil... Sure, evil furniture exists, like those chairs shaped like hands that feel like a giant is fondling your bum, but my couch was perfectly ordinary, and incapable of any moral wrongdoing!
There was also that time when she was tiny as a mouse... And that time when she really wanted some wajeebs for a gift, and insisted that it was the best present ever... And then, that one time, when we started a fashion trend, and everyone in the Well had parasols! And then, once, she was really scared of monkeys... and children... and the circus... and rainbows? Wait, that wasn't just one time, it was all the time, which is a lot of time!
She better come back as an accomplished explorer, one day, or I'll get real mad! I won't really be able to do anything about that, other than write letters that I'll immediately trash... I do that a lot when I'm frustrated.
Tesrin Hray 21st, IY 7788
A lot of folk around here know nothing about soap! They don't want anything to do with it... They never wash! And it isn't even due to some druidic oath, or something, they're just deeply unhygienic slobs! They have no excuse, because soap isn't even that expensive. Each batch of ghar makes probably a thousand bars, at least! Most likely more... If you have to be lazy, at least wash yourself with some ose dudu once a week! It's so strong, that at least you'll have a modicum of cleanliness...
Some Nadiri is a hobgob, now! It's due to some kind of magickal mishap, maybe related to their bloodline...? So, their grandgrandgrandgrandgrandgrandgrandgrandgrandgrandgrandgrandbaba was a hobgob...? Or entered a pact with a particularly powerful hobgob...? Or was cursed by a hobgob witch...? Perhaps for revealing the hobgob secret, which is the location of Mount Prism...? Well, there's a lot of possibilities, but what truly matters in the now, is that folk want to kill him... now. It's horrible, because despite their hobgobby appearance, their mind has none of that hobgobbiness, they're just kind of depressed. Understandably so! Hobgobs are hideous!
I suggested that he wear a thick veil, and apply some kohl around the eyes. Then he'd just look like the average human grandpa. But nobody was even considering my genius plan! Instead, it's all about rituals, and stars, and other stuffs and things that I don't really get at all. Sometimes the simplest solution is the best! Could at least try the veil for a while, before you cross over into all that convoluted stuff. Couldn't hurt!
I also don't charge that much for veils if they're not bridal!
Tesrin Hray 22nd, IY 7788
I checked, double-checked and triple-checked some old files...
Most of it is interconnected.
Felt like I was seeing something that wasn't there, at first... But it's all there. All of it.
And that realization opened the flood gates. This isn't something that anyone should know. None of it. I felt like screaming. I almost did.
Wish it wasn't me. Not cruel enough to wish it on someone else.
It has to end, but I don't know how to make that happen.
I don't even know if that's in the cards.
Tesrin Hray 23rd, IY 7788
Just trying to stay busy, keep going, business as usual. Not the easiest thing, but thankfully, I'm very familiar with the approach, already. Knit, sew, weave. Plenty of folk need socks and scarves. There's a joy to it all, seeing the finished labor in their hands. The smiles, the compliments. If only that was all there was to it.
I do need to ask questions regarding it. Admittedly part of it is to sate my own curiosity, as morbid as it all is. Yet if it wasn't related to work...? It would be one of the only times I'd just ignore my own nosiness...
Wish I'd just been a tailor from the start... But I didn't really get to choose the road.
Scribal work's either pleasant, or horrid shit. I like my colleagues, even if for all of their quirks. I hate many of the petitioners... Always so insistent on it being me, when there are so many others that could help them. Isn't just the amount of work, it's also the fact that they'd get better results if they believed my recommendations, and approached someone who's an actual expert on the subject. What the fuck do I know about taxes, or the law...?
Wish folk would understand that there's a literal fucking war going on, and that has all of us busy. But no, everything has to happen immediately. Explaining why that's not possible is pointless. They never listen.
Tesrin Hray 24th, IY 7788
Some questions shouldn't be asked. Did so, anyhow. Answer felt like a shot from a ballista. Right through the temple...
They truly bring just misery with them. Not sure if they take delight in such. Not sure if their ilk is capable of that. Not sure about anything, yet even the prospects are just... pain, nothing but.
Some mitigating circumstances, but I don't think folk will care. They'll be shocked, sure, but I'm still at blame. I think that's the point. Plenty of misery to be had from divisions.
Difference between fools and jesters... No such thing for me. Just an out of his depth idiot... Just the type that they love whispering their schemes to.
THE MIST IS THE MIST IS THE MIST.
Tesrin Hray 25th, IY 7788
A little bit of joy, a little bit of whimsy... Pretty flowers growing upon the Mound of Sand, and Usaamah going Full Kulamet at the sight. Kind of gross, but I still giggled... in private. I don't know where the flowers came from, nor do I have a clue what came over Usaamah! Maybe he was trying to emulate Mr. Yeti...? Oh, that makes sense. I suppose.
After that, a bunch of long meetings... Just waiting to deliver my report, really. A bunch of stragglers, loitering in the hallway, all for the sake of catching some gossip. I don't really blame them... I'd do the same. If it weren't against the law... rather spend those fines on perfume and good deeds.
A lot of trades, all for the sake of staving off an internal war, in midst of one that surrounds us from all sides. I wasn't paying that much attention... I pretty much never do. Get enough context from a few keywords. Get a migraine if you listen to all of it... Not that I could, even if I tried. Always distracted by something more pleasant... Though it's harder, right now.
Finally got to deliver that report, later. Both of them were shocked. Which isn't a shock in itself. It is stuff that keeps you up at night... and I even expunged a few details. The ones that make you sound mad when you say them out loud. Wouldn't really change much regarding the war, even if they're the underlying current beneath it all. It's complicated.
How much of a lie is there in a myth...?
Maybe it's all that there is.
Tesrin Hray 26th, IY 7788
Kha'esh comes knocking, and with a flourish... Usually only see so many shirtless men on the weekends. I guess it's just sensible, having a big ol' party before you march to your death. Should probably be doing that, myself, but... I don't really feel like dancing. Feel like grabbing my stuff and running, yet I know that there's nowhere to go.
Especially not there. Did entertain the notion of dressing up like one of these mercenary bands, but only because my desperation was clouding my judgement... Their destination is probably a fate worse than whatever's planned for me. And, well... I don't really have a mercenary's mien.
Can't even talk about baking with Manta without it being interrupted. He can be a bit pushy... I don't design menus. I know nothing about that. Why would I...? If you actually let me decide, it'd just be pistachio, and nothing but, and everyone'd whine about it. Interruption forced me to write letters, letters that they'll use to kill me. But if I wouldn't write them, then they'd use that, instead.
I can't do much.
Tesrin Hray 27th, IY 7788
Already making their moves. About as subtle as a brick. Less so. Maybe that's the point. Ever oh-so incompetent. Superstitious fucking idiots. They'll have their sacrificial goat, but it won't help them any. Don't know if I'm riot-worthy. Probably not, not to the locals, at least.
Make one mistake and half the town hates you, and the rest pretend that it's no big a deal and tell you to calm down. Sure, I'll calm down when folk are building a bonfire around me. Fuck you.
None of it mattered. None of the labor, none of the feigned smiles, none of it. One mistake. That's all that it takes. I keep living that evening over and over again in my mind, desperate to go back and change it. Childish.
But I'm desperate.
Tomorrow's the fashion show. It'll be the last one that I attend.
Tesrin Hray 28th, IY 7788
What a busy day...
The fashion show went well. I think I achieved a new personal best, score-wise. And well, it just might be my best design, in general. I sure hope so. I want to return to bringing smiles, even if for however short I've left. As for the other fashionistas... I really liked Selwyn's asymmetrical design. They need to work on color, a little more, next time... Others, on the other hand, need to work on that a lot. Contrast is so important. You can't just have one color, and that's it! Well, you can, but it's so boring and unstylish...
Also, Jaecop brought in a piece made out of slug ooze, or something...? It was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. He'd be a perfectly ordinary guy, if it weren't for his obsession with slugs. It's so weird.
Then, I volunteered to be one of the witnesses for the mock trial. I became "Sloppy Sam", the ash pirate! I think I do a pretty convincing pirate. I think. Maybe I could become a cabin boy...? Sounds awful. Anyhow, I didn't have much time at the trial, before Manta was screaming for my help with his big ol' cake. Turns out that baking a cake involves a lot of improv...? It didn't make much sense to me. I just kept making frosting flowers, and making them, and making them, until there was about a badjillion gadjillion of them. Then he tells me that they were supposed to be purple...? Or the layer was supposed to be purple...? But I was told to make flowers, not layers...
Anyhow, I think I made the prettiest frosted frangipanis ever! They were delicious, too... Even though I only had one slice of cake! Cake should be had in moderation!
Still seen fit enough to stand aside the Majordomo... Confusing. They don't care, or do news really reach up top so slowly...? Still useful enough of a tool? Just the Fourth being the Fourth? Are they just going to embarass themselves, again? Half the town doesn't even seem to give a shit, so, why exactly are they preparing a trial...? Is it just incompetence, or pure madness? Did I misunderstand what they were talking about...?
Tesrin Hray 29th, IY 7788
A jaunt to Frostport... I wish I could just stay there. I'd get one of those shaggy ponies... No, I'd get a shaggy unicorn! And then I'd just ride all around the tundra, all day long! And then, I'd return to my log cabin in the evening, where my handsome husband would be waiting, before a toasty fireplace... and some toast, with cloudberry jam!
Well, it's nice to dream... In actuality, the only way I'd get to stay would be if I was assigned to that whiny Ambassador, and there would be no tundra, just a frozen wasteland full of snow ogres or whatever, and I'd just have a stinky ox for a friend, instead of an unicorn... And then the town would probably blow up because of an Astronomer's stupid experiment. Something like that, anyhow. Reality stinks!
I don't know if I can distract myself with dreams and such, this time... I've been doing that all my life, though, so maybe. It just gets more and more challenging. Yet it's comforting... And dreams aren't really lies, because you can make them the truth, if you keep striving for them!
But I guess lies are like that, too... Are lies just bad dreams?
Doesn't really matter... I'd just rather think about anything else than the situation I'm in.
Tesrin Hray 30th, IY 7788
Kate brought me some odd leather to take a gander at... I had never seen such a thing! I've no clue what animal it came from... I touched the leather, leather, and it felt like it would have real good insulation! She should keep it away from any and all squirrels, or they'll steal it for nesting material. Although... Sleeping squirrels on the insulating leather... What a cute sight!
I don't like working with leather, leather, much, though. I vastly prefer textiles! Right now, I'm trying to develop a dye that's simply perfect for wild silk... Which is real hard, because I don't know anything about alchemy.
Also, I met one of Narwen's siblings... Her name is Kedra, and she's very curious about everything. Like ballet! I almost became a world-class ballet dancer, but pirouettes made me dizzy... So, it was another career that I had to give up on. Now, Kedra would very much like to see some ballet, but good luck with that! There's a dire dearth of culture, here... Anyhow, she brought two of her siblings with her. I think their names are Melon and Itchy Reed. Something like that, anyhow!
Kanön Hray 1st, IY 7788
Jaecop and Ekmel are both crazy! They're going to march through the Scald in support of Carrot! We finally get some competent and seemingly sane Scribes, and in the end, it turns out to be just a facade... I guess Jaecop's obsession with slugs should've hinted me of such! There's no hope of either of them coming back! In the Scald, your very blood boils, and probably takes on the consistency of tomato soup...
I can't even consider such heroics, because I'd probably keel over in less than an hour due to such horrid conditions...
Anyhow, Narwen taught Kedra about Yllaris. His statue is a big ol' mystery. Where does all that water come from...? Well, maybe it has some mundane explanation, like some Scribe of some office I've never heard of dumping water there, every morning, due to some tradition nobody remembers the origins of. I don't hang around there much, because it stinks of camel doo-doo! I like the groknaks, though... So, I kind of just have to deal with the foul stench, if I want to see them.
These new Spring Elves don't seem to like Narwen, much! I don't know why! I think family should stick together... Unless it's a terrible one, and any family with Narwen in it seems the opposite to me...?
Also... I'm so petite, now, that the wind keeps carrying me into strange places! Even the mildest of drafts is powerful enough... The breeze from the curtains lifted me over Jaecop's head, and tossed me from his left to his right! I don't know how to guard myself from the wind's assault! It's awful!
Kanön Hray 2nd, IY 7788
Apparently, someone went and torched some of the refugee tents, outside the Gate of Sand...? Just out right murdered a few of them, too. It's absolutely horrible. People are saying that it was the Kha'eshi... Now, I know that mercenaries are a rowdy bunch, but would they really risk doing something so stupid...? Even if they were drunk? Then there's all the evidence... It's a little too good? I don't know what to think. Sometimes the simplest explanation is the truth, but... I just don't know.
Also... Some elf bought "Strawberry Bisquit", dyed it brown and renamed it to "Caramel Biscuit"! Not only is that highly disrespectful of Strawberry Biscuit's memory, it's also completely disrespectful of me as an artiste! It got me so mad... I simply had to yell about it on the bellows. I worked so hard on that outfit, and somebody just goes and does that... So uncouth! Admittedly, I think I allowed myself to get so mad about it, because it's just a simple thing, borne out of bad taste, and I wanted to yell about something. I'd yell about the refugees, too, but what would that help...? And if I were to show how I really feel, it'd just be a few minutes of non-stop screaming, and I don't think anyone wants to hear that.
Apparently some folk are now starting some kind of community outreach to help the refugees...? That's good. I'd help, but I'm absolutely swamped in paperwork. And, well... Everytime I try to help, especially lately, it kind of just ends up making things worse.
Kanön Hray 3rd, IY 7788
Selwyn seems to be shrinking...? They fit right into Manta's bag, now. I hope it stops eventually, so that they won't become the size of a mouse. Selwyn seemed real excited about that prospect, though... Personally, I would never want to be so tiny. Well, unless I lived in a neighborhood of chore mice? That'd be fine. I'm not sure if they would let Tonka live there, too, though.
At least I won't have any trouble with tiny things now, because I bought a magnifying lens from Ekmel. It was real moldy, though. It came from that spooky pirate island that people go on vacation to for some reason...? So gross, but I dumped it in some vinegar, and then some citric acid, and now it's spotless! Well, it has a spot for the lens, I guess... Anyhow, it already came useful. I checked my flowers for aphids with it! There were none of those pesky pests!
Oh, and I was so worried, this eve! I thought that Magnifica had laid an egg. Never mind where she would've found a rooster... Anyhow, she was just sitting on a ball of yarn! She's not giving it back. Thankfully I have plenty of yarn, and well, that yarn wasn't particularly fancy. She's such a prissy lady, that you'd think that she'd want one of my ritzy hanks, instead... But I guess those aren't great for sitting?
Kanön Hray 4th, IY 7788
Richo took us to Tlonsiyya... Apparently, the road there had been open for quite a while! How embarassing! But nobody tells me much, these days... I didn't even know about Dölgöön breaking up with his boyfriend, until the 2nd of this month... And they broke up on the 1st! That's far too late for gossip! It's basically sour milk, at this point... Who cares? That vamp goes through men like I go through handkerchiefs... And it gives me a bad reputation, because he kind of looks like me! Supposedly. I don't see the resemblance, really...
I don't want a hussy's reputation, because I'm no longer one!
Anyhow, not much going in Tlonsiyya. Not much for sale, either. I think Baz'eeli influence on the town might be slipping...? Makes sense. It's not good. In fact, it's real bad. I didn't meet any familiar faces, either! Vice-Chancellor must be real busy. I wouldn't want "vice" in my title, personally, for obvious reasons. Fits Dölgöön better... I need to think less of him! What a pest! What else...? Oh, the port was closed, too. I kind of wanted to rent one of their boats and go on a jolly holiday 'pon the Edutu. It would've been simply grand!
Kanön Hray 5th, IY 7788
Selwyn gifted Richo a book... It's all about proper puppers! What a grand gift! We had such a great time, reading through it. There's a lot of drawings, and some of those pooches are way bigger than me! My ancestors used to ride big ol' hounds into battle... A menacing sight, to be certain! If I had such a dog, though, I'd ride them into adventure, instead... with Tonka atop my shoulder, of course!
Melon wanted to peruse my stylish attires. But I only had some unfinished pieces and Divan outfits at the studio! Kind of embarassing... Most of my finished designs go to Angelica's. I should probably have a few representable samples of my work laying about. I do have my personal outfits, but I'm not selling those. Not that anyone could wear shorts as well as me, anyhow!
She and her kinband seem a bit grumpy. They really don't like it if you make a mistake about their names, no matter how small. They also don't like nicknames. I don't get people like that...? Getting a nice nickname is one of the greatest gifts that you can get! I fully embrace being "Big Bash"!
Kanön Hray 6th, IY 7788
Redecorating around the office... Mostly just putting up boards regarding the labor, though. I wish I could find fancier ones. They'd look far nicer, and capture the attention of any Junior Scribe! Well, I'd hope so, anyhow... Some people just don't read, at all! And they're not even illiterate!
I want some planters in there, but nobody's telling me where they got theirs!
Oh, and today was the Changing of Hands... It's a Waradim holiday, where you exchange gifts with others! It was great fun... I gave Narwen a powerful Wajeebi relic... Tasty food to Richo... A powerful blackberry brew to Dervish Bajica... A bijou full of stars to a Seris, a new refugee... I forget the rest! I love giving gifts! I just wish I had prepared more... But I'm always so busy, and there's always something going on, except when there isn't, and then I take naps, and I can't plan while I'm doing that, so...
There was also an exchange of tales! Richo's had an important lesson, as always! Don't carry around too much wealth! Seris told a tale, too, but I didn't really get it...? Maybe I needed more context?
After, we visited the Spring. Well, me, Richo and Narwen did, anyhow. We checked on Richo's bees, who were thankfully thriving in their new home... and I bought some more blackberry brew. Narwen was looking around for a tree seed...? I wish I could find seeds for lemon trees, myself! I go through so much citric acid, so, having my own tree to source it, would save me a Lot of Money.
Kanön Hray 7th, IY 7788
Selwyn was talking about the different kinds of love. For some reason, they think that one of them, the one between close friends and family, involves plates! They said that it really doesn't, but it has plates in the name...? I think that's dumb. I think fancy names for lovely things like love is dumb, too. You should give stuffs and things simple names, so that everyone can understand the intent. Academicks are so dumb and pretentious!
I spent so much time just sitting next to the voting booth, that my legs fell asleep... and so did I! Well, for a few minutes, thankfully. I think so, anyhow. There weren't a whole lot of people coming in. Some people keep saving their vote until the last moment, so that they can get a lot of bribes and promises. I think that's so boring. I just vote at the very first moment! Then I don't have to wait around for anything. Waiting around stinks!
Other than that, it was a real dull day. Well, sitting around like that was dull. I also missed a tortoise, too, which is so disappointing! Oh, I don't know if it was around today, but it certainly was around on the 6th! I wish I could've seen the tortoise turist...
Kanön Hray 8th, IY 7788
Every year, hundreds of Wellfolk die in chair-related accidents! It's horrible... Some of these accidents are caused by stupidity, some by shoddy craftmanship, and some of them involve a nasty ruffian just breaking a chair over your noggin! Which, strictly speaking, isn't an accident, no matter what the Banda say. But sometimes you have to fill in a few forms with "accident", anyhow, because a sharpened knife is a mighty tool of persuasion.
My chairs are all cushioned, though, so I've reduced that risk. Manta, on the other hand, is real clumsy, and almost died, today, due to falling on his big ol' chair. Well, it's not his chair, but he sits on it a lot. They should cushion it properly, just in case, because of his utterly clumsy nature! I thought about broadening my business by getting into pillowcraft, but... I don't like plucking feathers, and waiting for them to molt takes ages.
Was there an Age of Feathers...? Probably. Sounds like a nice Age, anyhow. I'd live in it. Probably. And not just because of all the strapping lads clad in those feathery loincloths!
Kanön Hray 9th, IY 7788
Richo has a new rock friend... This one's head is on fire? They don't seem to mind? You'd think that'd be a miserable experience, but they seem like a real jolly fellow, judging by their gay gait! They're really strong, and they're going to be helping Richo clear up all that rubble around the Rest. Richo certainly makes a lot of friends, and quickly! I wish I had someone strong to carry my shipments to the studio... Being handsome would be a plus, too.
The Tenth Legion carried that big ol' cannon over to Yataghan's camp. It's so big, that it's colossal. They call it "Kusatma"! I asked what that means, but they really didn't want me to know. Maybe it's something really rude...? Wouldn't be the first time soldiers give a weapon a really lewd name. Or maybe it's something truly astonishing... Something that changes how you look at everything. Or, at the very least, how you look at cannons?
KUSATMA! KUSATMA! BASU BISU BIASU! BASU!
Stop that! Why do you keep doing that, anyhow?
MINE THOUGHT PATTERNS ARE OCCUPIED WITH SUCH CAPRICES, DURING THIS NEOTERIC STAGE OF THE SPATIO-TEMPORAL PLANE. WERE YOUR SENSES NOT SO IMPOTENT, YOU WOULD BE HEEDFUL OF THIS!
I'm not impotent!
Kanön Hray 10th, IY 7788
There's a certain art to making elections as exciting as possible... So, when you hear that the race is really close, you kind of get this urge to make it even closer! Well, I do, anyhow. I love me some drama! As long as it doesn't affect myself, of course. So, I started making a whole lot of noise, to get as many laggards as possible to hurry up with their votes! What fun! Though my throat got a little sore from all that hooting and hollering...
The problem? It got too close! In fact, it was a straight tie, multiple times in a row... And you don't want a tie! When it comes to elections, ties cause riots, and a whole bunch of other nasty stuff... The type of drama that I don't like! So, you put your ear to the grapevine, and try to figure out who hasn't voted, while dodging graffiti "artists", folks with weak fingers, water that's on fire, and crowds that are vigorously getting down with their bad selves to the tune of that Baz'eel Jazz'eel!────────────────────
Turns out that the missing voter was Marcellus! With him, it's hard to tell if he just forgot or if it was some cunning plan... Doesn't matter much, in the end, but I knew that we had to get him to vote, somehow. So, I hired Manta to make a delicious burger, with plenty of cheese, and cloudberry sauce, meant as charity for his vote! For a while, it seemed that even that wasn't enough, and that I would be eating that tasty burger myself... But he did turn up to the voting booth, in the end. Grand!
And, well... He probably did end the tie. Maybe it was someone else. Lots of Voices bought, at the very last moment. Deciding vote could've been anyone! So, who knows... What I do know, is that ending that tie meant that Argent won! I was rooting for Ash... What a shame!────────────────────
And of course, after the election, and because the Balladeers are a bunch of whiny babies, they come to me, and demand that I leak some guy's vote to them. I don't know why people think that I'd do that...? I mean, it'd ruin my career, so it'd be a real dumb move. And even if it didn't, it'd basically equate to painting a target on someone's back... Democratic integrity, too. That's real important!
And if I answer just one stupid request like that, then I'd get a deluge of such demands at my door, every fucking day! I don't want that! People ask me a bunch of stupid shit, already! Like what twenty meters of hemp rope from Alkab costs, midmonth of Tabbah, if Il Modo is closer to Alkab than it is to Qadira, and the Akhund's sermons that week were particularly fervorous...?
THE ANSWER IS THAT I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!
Kanön Hray 11th, IY 7788
I was taking a nap... Apparently, during that, Bras tried to kill Argent at the Synod meeting? I don't know what they call their meetings... Anyhow, folk have plenty of reasons to try that, but I'm not sure about his exact motive. Again, because there's a ton of reasons why someone would want to off him! So many reasons, that it's hard to count, and there's probably even more people that hold those reasons. Now, Bras is exiled, and Selwyn's real sad, and mad.
They were like that to begin with. They're just more so, now. It's one of those relationships...? You can't really choose whom you fall for, but... Anyhow, I do feel sad for Selwyn, even if, well. Again, it's like that.
Also, the latest fad among the animals of the Well is tiny little hats! Birds, badgers, rats... They're all donning hats, to look stylish! I approve. However, even in such fashionable attire, they're not welcome to many places. A badger just wanted to do some shopping, and Zizi threw them out! The Rat in the Hat was curious about the Krak's crates, and Caddick chased them out... Life's hard for animals, out here in the Well!
If it's a longer lasting fad, I might try as well pay some bills through it... I already have a commission from an animal, though. Massoud needs a scarf! I'm not sure about the measurements... That pup seems to be getting fatter and fatter. Richo should be a more responsible dog dad!
Kanön Hray 12th, IY 7788
Kedra runs everywhere! While singing of thunder...? Well, her voice is electric, anyhow. I don't get it. I only run to places when I'm in an awful hurry, or when I want some exercise. Those happen to be the case most of the time, but at least I don't run everywhere while singing. And I sing of much cuter things, like fruit, or peas, while doing so! She's so odd!
Speaking of odd things... Selwyn's so livid, that they tried blowing up the Pilgrim with magick missiles! Which, of course, didn't work, because that spell's not very explosive... Still, it really scared me, because those missiles flew right past my head! If they're going to do stuff like that, I'm not sure if I should be anywhere near them...? I haven't done anything to deserve such from Selwyn, in fact, I've just tried helping them at every turn, when I could do so. I understand that they're having a hard time, but still...
Also, Margarine said that I'm not open-minded, because I only date guys...? That's such a stupid thing to say. She's closed-minded for not accepting me for who I am! I hope that her ice cream melts before she can have any, and that her dolls come to life and run away!
Kanön Hray 13th, IY 7788
Richo and Massoud visited us! Tonka and Massoud played a game of tag for a while... Though Massoud is very shy, so, it really was just a while. Tonka seemed a bit confused... and a little offended... about Massoud's sudden departure. And well, I don't approve of attempts to burrow away in my home! What a peculiar pup... Still, quite loveable, even if he could learn some manners! Really should go on a diet, too.
The spirit of his mommy came for a visit, too...? Massoud's mom, not Richo's. It was mighty peculiar! Thankfully, it was a friendly ghost. But it's a memory spirit, so, because Massoud remembers her being like that, it only makes sense... I suppose.
After that, I washed my hair! Richo certainly gave me a lot to think about, like usual. Especially about geomancy. I wish someone'd taught me how to do that. I'd raise a few homes for the good peoples! Seems like an awful lot of labor, though. And you need to be in touch with memories, and such, I think? Need to know what folk remember being there. It's weird. The memories become the bricks, in a way. I guess you could summon a giant boulder, carve it up, and then you have a boulder bungalow?
Magick sure is mighty peculiar!
Kanön Hray 14th, IY 7788
Nothing much happened today! At least, not to meI crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death., personally... I mostly just napped with Tonka! Inky went on an adventure, and discovered the other side of the giant bookcase's peak! When you're so tiny, everything becomes a grand journey. Wish they'd stop messing around with my salt cellar... Thankfully that's real easy to spot, so, I haven't accidentally eaten any ink,I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death. so far. Which would be absolutely disgusting!
THINE MINARET OF FLAVOR LEAVES MOST EXTRAORDINARY EFFECTS ON MINE FORM! IN MINE WAKE, GRANDIOSE SILHOUETTES ARE BORNE! BEHOLD!
I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.
"Thine"? "Thine"!? Don't you dare become even more pretentious! As for the ink and salt paintings... I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.They're very nice! Surprisingly so... Well, no offence, but you don't really seem the artsy type, despite your... nature? I really like these, though!
I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.
I DECLARED SUCH TO THEE!I crave blood. I crave death. I crave blood. I crave death.
Kanön Hray 15th, IY 7788
It's horrible! I think my diary might be haunted... It certainly isn't Inky, because despite all their posturing, they're not really a threat to anyone. I'm not sure what to do? If I give it to the Astronomers or the Sisters to be exorcised, they'll just read it, in secret... There's not really anyone else I trust to do that, either, since Eclair left.
I might have to burn this... But there's so many memories in here. Yet I guess I'd have them with me, and Inky... Just more fragmented. I told Inky to stay away from the diary... They were real spooked about all this, too. I don't like this at all.
Don't even know why I'm still writing here... Force of habit.
[Upon a quiet eve, the timeworn tome is doused with discount oil purchased from an ashfolk incapable of refusing. It is unceremoniously thrown into the blaze of a brazier, one of many along the desert's ruined roads.
A diminutive form watches over the flames, their eyes tearful. A solemn gaze follows the trail of the embers, as the cold evening breeze carries them over to places known only by the Wanderer.
Nothing but ash remains.]