Entry 1:

Chell says I should keep a journal. I hate writing, I feel silly and stupid when I have to, I've had so little practice until I came here. Still, what has happened fills me with so many feelings, I need to tell someone, and my brother isn't here. He may never be here again.

Maybe when I am more comfortable with this, I can also write about past things. Perhaps.

I went to the temple again! It's been months since Mylin took me there, and I knew I would never have found it again on my own. My sisters have hidden themselves well, and they need to, so close to that vile city of my dark kin.

To see my fellow priestesses, to spend time with them and renew my faith in my Lady and her goals. It was worth the danger, even to my friends that came with me. I will go there more often now, I will never forget the way again.

Eilistraee - I am yours, now and ever.

Entry 2:

Chell and Shadila have gone. I went with them to the caves where it all began for them, and it was hard to leave at the end. I love them both dearly, but I felt like I was saying goodbye. There was something final in our last moments together.

I pray not, Lady I pray not. Chell is my brother in heart, and Sha has become almost as close. They are the closest I have to family, and if they are gone I will be alone again. I hope they return.

Until then, there's plenty to keep me occupied I suppose. With Linda absent as well, many of Chell's duties have fallen on my shoulders. I'm not made for this paperwork, I detest it. But it must be done.

And the attacks on the House. [the last words are written deeply into the paper, as if with greater pressure] Why? Why is this happening again? We are here to help, but there are always some that cannot bear to see good work done. They will tear it down, no matter the cost. It frustrates me, as I feel we're being toyed with. I only need to know the names of those doing this, and that will be enough. Enough to stop them doing this again, anyway.

And Shan. Shan and the others. What did they think they were doing? Slavery is evil, we all know this. I know it, it's driven so deep into my soul I can never forget it. Why would he do this? Oh, I know why of course. It even seems to have worked, there has been no attack – yet. It shames me, but I could never do what he did, I could never go back there. Never!

There might be a way to help them. There just might. Maybe my sisters can help me.

Entry 3:

My brother has returned! But the cost! The cost of that fateful trip to the caves. Shadila is gone, she has fallen. I found Chell broken and near death in the House, and was able to tend him before.. the lines are smudged here, before continuing again

Then he told me what had happened. They tried to make a break for the surface on their own. They might even have made it but for the drow ambush. Sha killed many, but fell to a powerful mage. Why?! Why do the best always leave us? What will he do without her? I don’t know, I will have to watch him closely. The House... we... need him now, more than ever. Maybe that will help sustain him in this time. I hope so.

Some things are happening so fast, and others so slow. The threats to the House and the people of this town grow in number and strength. They demand we beat ourselves in public. If this would stop it, I would do it gladly, but I know... I know this will not make any difference. We must find and deal with the scum doing this, so they stop hurting people.

I still wait for a reply from my sisters at the temple. I pray they can help.

Entry 4:

I worry so about Chell. I found him with his head on the table in the House. Asleep, but not resting, no. The nightmares are troubling him again, which hasn't happened since...that time before the demon took my life. The eyes, the red eyes, damn them! What did they do to him to make this happen again?

I did what I could, though. I only hope it can help him. I sit here beside him now as I write, and he sleeps deeply. The best I've seen him sleep in days. I will keep doing this until he is rested, but I pray to Eilistraee that something can be done for him.

Sitting here listening to the soft snores, I think back over the times since I arrived in Sanctuary. So much has happened, so many friends have come and gone. This place is my home and I love it, but it's also a pit of death and lies. Emerging from the caves into the warmth and light of my friends and companions, I had no idea then that things would be as they have been. I know there is more to do, much more. I feel I might finally be able to do some good and work with my dark kin, if only they can help with Shan and the others.

It's funny, but I'm finding writing in this little book soothing. Perhaps I'll use it more, put some of my experiences here. The book doesn't judge me, and is always there. It can be my place to pour myself out, yes.

Entry 5:

I sit here penning this entry in my true sanctuary. This temple, a miracle in the wilderness of the underdark is my true home I think, not the town of chaos and hate this is Sanctuary. I've come here to rest, meditate, pray.

The priestess listened to me, though she seemed doubtful at first that they can help. I don't want them to do this task for us, I won't put them at that risk for the work they do is more important than all the lives in Sanctuary. If they can find Shan and the others, I must work to free them myself. Any information they can give me will make the task easier.

Chell's revelation and offer has rocked me to my core. I think I understand his reasons, but to say what he said, virtually over the grave of Shadila... I don't know what to think, what to feel any more.

The core of my world, that which helped give me strength to go on apart from my faith is gone. Shadila my sister was taken by drow. Chell, taken by his feelings. Najara wanted to listen, perhaps help, but she has her own life and problems. My faith will be my shield, as always.

The others are preparing a service. There will be song and dance after, something I missed so much. I will join them. Though my skin is light, they accept me and it is enough.

Entry 6:

My learning is progressing well. My sisters have taught me much - songs to my Dark Lady, and dances to pay homage. I've learned the things that were missed, things that finally make all the pieces fall into place. I feel I can finally take my place with my sisters as an equal.

Still no word on Shan or the others. I hope something can be done, but I fear the worst for them. Whatever their fate, my pilgrimage has done some good.

It will be time to return soon. I look forward to seeing my friends, my loved ones.

Entry 7:

I have some time to myself today. Things have been going well, and I feel happier than I have in a long time; more in touch with my Dark Lady than I have since... I was called to her duty. Perhaps.. perhaps now is the time to finally put this to paper. It may help exorcise these painful memories and let me move forward as a true servant of Eilistraee.

This is not easy. Writing it down scares me a little, it feels like it opens me up a little, exposes me. If someone reads this, someone I didn’t trust, it would hurt, yes. But maybe that trust is part of the journey here. A few already know my tale, and they have not betrayed me. I will do it.

There is a gap on the page here with some scratches and small doodles, as if there was some pause between what was written before, and what came after.

I was born on the surface, so I was told. I have no memory of this, none at all, but have no reason to disbelieve what I was told by those around me, those that knew this. I don’t even know where on the surface my family and I came from - if I have family up there, they are lost to me.

I don’t remember my father. He died soon after.. ah, I’m getting ahead of myself, I think. I must get things straight in my head, but this is hard. I will start again.

I was told our family - me, my father and mother - were taken in a drow raid; it would have been almost a hundred and ten years ago. I was but a few years old. The raiders took us, and others down into the dark places underground. To a city of dark skinned demons.

My father, he died quickly. Days after our bondage began, he was cut down when they took my mother for sport and he tried to stop them. Thank the goddess I was too young to know what was happening. I learned later it was a slow death.

My mother and I were spared - if you can call it that. We were put it pens with others, mostly humanoids; kobolds, goblins, even gnolls. Some humans, but no elves. We were alone, truly alone. My mother cared for me as best she could, though I remember it not. I know these things only because one of the humans, an old man called Coliban, told me later. My mother... died soon later. She held on a few years under the drow brutality, but in the end could take the abuse and torment no longer. One day, they came and tried to take her away, but left me there. She fought them madly then, and I think she was mad. They played with her, then they killed her, in front of me though I was too young to understand.

Before she died, they did one last thing. A permanent reminder of my dark kin's cruelty. Before her eyes, they took me and cut off my finger. I have a vague memory of this, a memory of pain and tears. They took it and forced it down her throat. As she choked, they cut her down, and my last link to my family, my culture... my race, was gone. I was beaten severely as well, and was near death from wounds to my head and blood loss.... The writing trails off

I cannot continue.

Entry 8:

I feel a little better now. My sisters comfort me and help more than they can know. They understand more than almost anyone can what their kin are capable of. They are a shining example that the dark nature of the drow can be rejected and overcome, and not embraced as the only way.

I can continue now, get this down on record at last – put it behind me.

I found myself the only surface elf in the pens, alone and too small to look after myself. My fate was sealed, but for the intervention of one man. The human called Coliban. Old by human standards, he'd managed to survive in captivity, and had found a niche, making him safe. He never told me what it was, and I never found out until much later, but that's not a tale for now.

Coliban cared for me. He took me under his wing, and used his influence in the pens to keep me safe from the other slaves that would have made short work of me. That man taught me to speak in the tongues he knew. My native tongue, that which I had known from birth was never spoken, for it enraged our captors. Never spoken, and forgotten with time and abuse. Perhaps the beatings took their toll on me, for even now I cannot understand my brethren, and they shun me for it.

Coliban cared for me and protected me for almost twenty years. I still don't know how he managed such a feat, but as time passed he grew older and feebler. One day, I woke and found him cold and still near me. He'd found his peace at last, and I had lost mine, forever it seemed.

My sisters summon me to a Circle of Song.

Entry 9:

My thoughts seem clearer as I write. I think this is helping, yes.

Coliban was gone. I was still young, little more than a girl, and was alone again. A few close encounters in the pens ensured I spent most of my time huddled and hidden when I could. This could not last, and I was discovered and apprehended by my dark kin. I was taken from the pens, and put on the block for sale. Bidding was high; many wanted to take a girl child elf for their own.

At the last, I was bought by the secondboy of a House I will not name. He took me back to the House Estate and gave me to his mother as a gift. I expected my stay to be short - I had heard of the sacrifices made to the spider goddess, but this place was to remain my “home” for a long, long time.

I was not sacrificed, as I expected. I was kept, a pet for the matron and her family. Abuse and degradation were my fate. Death would have been better.

Entry 10:

Years... decades, in torment and slavery. I don't remember much of this time at all. Perhaps it's blocked from my memory, the details to horrible to recall. I was the pet elf of the House, as I wrote before. Given to the soldiers for a reward, even other slaves later, as my interest waned. I suppose in some ways I was so disconnected now that I was nothing but a pliable, willing doll.

The time came at last. Bored or sickened with me; I was tossed out like refuse, put to work in the pens again. I remember nothing of this time.

Something happened after this though. Something wonderful amid the darkness and desolation of my life. Unable to work as hard as was expected of me, I was beaten by the guards, and pushed into a pen of rothe. The beasts trampled, crushed me. I still remember the crunch of bone, not realising they were mine. Barely alive, I was tossed away to die in the darkness on my own.

I didn't die. A woman, a drow woman came from somewhere. She took me up and bore me away. Her skin was dark like her kin, but her heart was filled with light, and she seemed like a goddess to me as she healed me. She took me to a safe place, and we talked. About many things, and slowly I opened up, and was able to talk.. to interact with her. She told me about Eilistraee, and her mission. I spent some months with her - learning more of the Dark Maiden, learning that not all drow are cruel and evil. It was a turning point in my life.

I found myself drawn to this Lady, to her dark and melancholy nature. I embraced her and everything she stood for, and finally had a shield to protect me. A shield of faith.

Entry 11:

It is almost time to return. I wonder how Chell, Linda, Kara and the others have been in my absence. I must say I've missed them all, but especially Chell. I'm not ready to commit to him. I don't know if I ever will be, but he is my best friend, my brother. It will be good to see him again.

Entry 12:

Desolation. Loss and desolation.

I returned to Sanctuary at last, expecting a warm welcome from my friends. I know I was gone longer than I expected to be, but I learned so much at the temple, and .. well, and it gave me space to be myself, to be by myself when I wanted. Before I knew it, months had passed since I left Sanctuary.

I returned yesterday. Goddess! Why has this happened! The House is gone. Linda is dead. CHELL IS DEAD!

The rest of this page has something written there, but has been rudely scribbled over until it is totally illegible.

Entry 13:

I rested. Reverie has never been so welcome as it was last night. I was able to remember things the way they were, before it was all lost.

The town is different. The stair to Lower is gone, replaced by some contraption. The thrice-damned Tigereyes are gone too, I won't miss them. There is plague, and many suffer, but I can't in my heart get past the loss of the House of Light and my friends... my brother.

Dante told me much of what happened, what he could anyway. I think Kara is still alive, at least he said he'd seen her, and her room upstairs had the look of recent habitation. It could have been anyone staying there though. Seeing my old room, trashed and ruined brought home my loss, though I think I hid it from Dante well enough.

This place will never be my home. I was a fool to think it might be, and that I might be happy here. I will never be happy.

At least I have my faith still, and am secure in my place by Eilistraee. This is a test, perhaps. I don't know that I can pass it.

Should I return to the temple? They would have me back perhaps, but is that what the Dark Maiden wants of me?

The pain. The pain of loss, the grief. It's so sharp, it hurts! I must learn more of what's happened in my absence, find the others that are left. So many unfamiliar faces...

I ramble, I know. More later, when I can collect my thoughts.

Entry 14:

How can I get myself out of this black pit of despair? I am struggling, sinking and cannot find a way free. The food I eat is ashes in my mouth, the people I see insubstantial, unimportant. Now and then something happens to lift me to a level where I almost feel myself again, but then I think of all that is gone, and the black depression returns.

What can I do? There is no one to turn to, now. How I miss Chell, he could always make me smile.

I sent Jozan a note in reply to the one he left me, and Shayne has my old key. I would help if I could, but the House would be better off without me now, I know. I would be less than useless, a tie to the old House that fell. Better they start afresh.

I don't know what to do. Jozan is dead too.

The House of Light is deadly, it kills the people that care most for it.

Merle.... slapped me. I deserved it, I was rude to her... unforgivable, I should know better.

The long neglected journal lies torn and ruined in a decrepit crypt beneath the sewers of sanctuary.