Today marks 6 years since I last saw the surface, it also marks my birthday - at least two such momentous events in my life can be celebrated on the same day!!

I pen this now as for once in my life I find myself unsure - yes I am young and I am sure more of these will come along but what do i do now - who do I speak with for advice.

I have two decisions I need to make and both of them have big consequences.

Private Taddle has told me of the Civilian Defence League and has recommened that I apply for a position that they need people like me but I am also drawn to the rough and ready ways of the Tigers - the people Lower - the chaos sings to my human blood but which way to go or do i forego both organisations and continue my aimless path?

I also find myself lonely - Tari showed me what it was to be alive again and before I truly got to know her she was taken from me - died in my arms whispering there would be another.

I did not beleive her but now I find myself at the centre of three ladies and i know no what to do.

The first is is a quiet Elven lass that is slowly coming out of her shell - the dinner we shared and her dunking in the fountain and out sparring match - was the first time she has really laughed since coming here and she needs enjoyment and laughter in her lifr.

The second is an Elven lass as well that is so differernt from the other she is young, playful and energetic and would be exhausitng to be around a challenge I must admit i would liek to pit myself against.

The third I only met last night and blew me away - A beautiful human bardess who on the outside appears young and naive but there is a thoughtful look to her eyes a real intelligence she hides - we shared a meal at my favorite spot and we talked and laughed and joked around - her wit is a match for my own and she sings to the human blood that flows through my veins.

Sometimes I wish I was a devout man and had a God or a Priest to tell me what to do - damn I hope I just make the right decisions.

Well the Tiger's conduct can only be called foul and I am glad that I will not be joining their ranks. Have sent an application to the watch after Taddle recommended it to me instead of the CDL - I guess he was impressed with my performance in the arena.

Damn that Taddle is fast whether with weapons or his fists!! I managed to best him all three times we faced off but a couple were close - he is a good sport and I think we will be friends.

I was disappointed with Kaddaz and had to stop the fight he was being murdered and not landing a stroke - Shadila on the other hand - now there was a tough fight and a lady of merit - I hope to square off against her again sometime - i am sure I was just lucky.

The other fights were interesting but easily dispatched - Tonde as a barked up slicer beetle, Jirala insisting on using staves and Frubo determined to reduce me to ashes with his spells. I have a lot to thank that old Dwarf for - his skills and training taugt me much and is one of the few things I have to thank my Father for.

I spent time with my Druidess yesterday - a quiet talk and swim in the freezing waters and then some quiet time drying off and warming up around a campfire. Damn for an Elf she is uninhibited and took a lot of persuasion for her to cover her undergarments - I understadn her connection with nature but I am not that connected.

We spoke again of her visions for me as a leader and she truly beleives. She truly feels safe around me and confessed that she has personal feelings towards me - but for an Elf she is Young. Still her wild impetuous nature and sheer belief in me draw me towards her - an Elven lady for Elven heritage. The memory of her gentle caress leaves my cheek tingling still.

Ah but What of my Beautiful Priestess so demure and yet underneath a playful heart and a free Spirit. So Elven in form yet with the demeanor of a human, so unelven - it appeals to both sides of my heritage. Watching her in battle under the blessings of her God - ah there is a lady that makes me feel safe and protected - poetry in battle. I do not know if she shares the same feelings I do and so I am reluctant - she makes me so unsur eof myself.

Finally my Alluring Bardess - I have only known her a few days yet by the time we parted yesterday evening I feel as though I have known her a lifetime - I can talk to her of anything and share my innermost fears without fear of ridicule. The touch of her hand and the feel of her hug - these are treasures I will remember. She shared her dream with me - a simple dream one I would be happy to call me own - I simple life for a simple man with a talented lady at his side. I was so proud of her in the House when her insights into the stones helped to unravel a part of the mystery. Indeed there is a keen wit behind the silken voice - this lady restores my hope and joy in a place that knows precious little of either.

I have finally met a non-drow that I can truly say I dislike!! I would rather put my head on a rock and have it pulped by a troll than travel the underdark with Lona!!!

A lot has happened in a short time my head is dizzy from the pace or is it Melly that makes me feel this way?

A Drow tried to decapitate me but was dissauded by my hammer. Attended a wedding for Kaddaz and Jirala - I didn't want to be there but was trapped still it was good to speak with Najara again, she is feisty and a lot of fun, and to say hello to that Fetching Elven Mage Cori. I had hoped Cori and I could go for a walk but she had organised a hunting party for Gnolls.

Watched a rather athletic young lady, judging by her legs, but heavily attired and helmed acting oddly round the House of Light - tried to speak with her but she blew me off - very odd am not used to such things but I took great joy in observing her movements - later I found the Helm and the tunic and a rather strange letter - have left these with the House.

Cute young bard sang for me just before before meeting up with the author of that beautiful letter I received the day before.

We walked together to my favorite spot at Dark Lake and spoke of many things and nothing for quite some time - she is a remarkable lady that needs a good friend and confidence in her own life that her previous life is no more. She knows the arcane and moves with a light tread but is so vulnerbale in so many ways. I think more than anyone she understand what my time with the Drow was like. we have agreed that we should do this again and I hope to become good friends.

Was rejected from the Socitey of the Ordered Mind - it was not enough that I was willign to devote myself to their cause, lead battles to their enemies and work to keep it's soldiers alive!! I was turned away by Pywen because I refused to give up having fun and a personal life and consider this a Holy Crusade. What was really suprising was lovely Reonie turning up jumping to my defence of character - we spoke after it is good to see that she has her self back in control - I expect greatthings from this dangerous lady.

I have failed in my mission that was set by Sergeant Marshall to find out about the Stones in the HOL so I guess the Wacth is closed off - Melly has suggested joining the CDL but I just don't know.

A few different expeditions - it all becomes monotonous - kill these creatures and we give you money - there has to be a better cause I can donate my hammer to to belong too but I just have not been able to find one.

Well Young Tonde has not been seen around - my Druidess has disappeared for the time being.

I am glad the Eowung, My Priestess, and I can reamin good friends - at least she doesn;t make me beg too much for the potions I need to keep myself and my companions alive.

My bardess Nicki - she is so angry but I don;t know why - I had thought we were good friends and areally care about her and would like to spend more time with her - perhaps time will help her to calm and we can talk and recapture the moment we shared once before.

Ah Ferocious Melly - her training has come along so well and I enjoy her companionship So - dressed like a tiger she is swift and sure before long I am sure she will take me in the arena - butnot yet. She has spoken to me of Love and freedom and confronted Nicki - the details of which I am not sure - but why can't these ladies get along? Side by Side we make a ferocious team and it is good to see a Lady that does not need constant protection in this regard she reminds me of Eowung. I find myself growing very fond of this lady and her combination of furious sword work, playfullness and when required gentle touch.

Hopefully the friendship is repaired - it was good to spend some time with Nicki though I know she will never see me in the same light again. I do hope we can be friends.

Still we spoke and worked together and then went shopping - the swimming suite looks good on her - I will probably never see it again but it was worth it.

I am going to make sure I never hurt someone the way I have Nicki - here it is too late but I can make sure that Melly is happy and truth be told I like her as much as I do Nicki - though Melly does not remind me so much of Naomi.

I feel myself being drawn in towards the House of Light - I have been told that now I am a potential target becasue I have seen the person who tried to kill Jirala - if I become a target does that mean others around will become targets as well? Do I diassociate myself from the House completely or do I join in - spent a long time at the Arena perring at the sands but no answer was written there.

Eowung was so furious at someone - Frubo had told her something and I had never seen her so furioous - I though she was furious at me - though I know not why - I went along with her to make sure she didn;t kill herslef or anyone else whilst dealing with some palce called Clown land - a hard fight but she calmed down - I still do not know what all of this is about but someone is going to feel the full wrath of this Priestess.

My dearest Melly I will never marry you, it is not my way, but how long will our paths be together?

The world is a different place today.

I have brief moments to pen this whilst Melly is fetching us breakfast.

Grow up were the words of wisdom imparted by this amazing lady.

Despite my past and my behavior over the past week this tiger truly wants to be with me and I wish her here as well.

Whilst I see in Nicki my first love taken by that hideous creature in Meliana I see my future.

Partners - yes - that describes us - equals in all with the freedom to move as fate dictates and for now fate has dictated that we are to be together - remind me to buy Fate a drink sometime!

Melly returns I need both food and sleep.

Melly will be back with lunch and I am sure my tigress is going to see me crippled or dead with lack of sleep - a far more pleasant death than I had ever envisaged!

With the events of the past couple of days we haev agreed that the House of light is the best place for our skills for the moment though the CDL may be an option as well. Since I am already potentially marked and melly won;t leave my side we will face this together.

Nicki and Melly do not like each other and I am the architect of this rift, a rift that looks like it will never be healed. And so I must distance myself from this Bardess and the friendship we could have shared - I do not want her hurt and I can sense the violence that is pending hopefully she will be spared and can go on to realise her dreams.

And Jade - my heart stirs at the thought of you but it cannot be - had you not dissappeared after we first met would it have been you driving me to exhaustion and fectching meals? I hope that you and Meliana can be friends and that you will fidn the freedom in life you are looking for.

Melly returns and has that smile I think I am going to die.

Tiger and Tigeress hand in hand we walk and people stare - let them we are happy and I like my colors.

We have joined the House as guards or at least I think we will some induction needs to happen - suppose they will tell us in time.

I hope this curese is broken - Melly was nearly taken from me defending a stairwell - I have asked her not to do these things without me and she has agreed - still she is headstrong and impulsive - isn't she wonderful!!!

Well I apologised to Eo and think that is everyone except Tonde and I can't find her if we cross paths again I shall make ammends.

It was good to get out and exercise the hammer again we managed to destroy a nest of Hooks and was pleasantly suprised when Jade joined us for the hunt - a talented lady to be sure!

Jade knows that Melly and I are partners and seems fine with that - I hope we see more of her there is something mysterious about her and I want to get to know more about her - I think we will end up becoming good friends.

Lots of things happening in the House - some Sister to the head chap has been threatened but is staying out in the Mushroom where we can't help her - hope she is ok.

Why is this so hard?

Melly is mad at me and I don;t know why she just won't speak to me - I guesss she beleives it is my fault what happened with the Hook Horrors - yes we were both critically injured and others killed because people wouldn't listen to me.

My failures in Sanctuary are complete - The Watch does not want me nor do the Orderd Mind and my first tasking as a House guard sees 2 peopel killed and 2 others critically injured near death.

I have to find someway I can help people her e- if not by the hammer then by another means - I shall keep my eyes open for oportunities.

I was flattered by the attention Amothiewein was paying me - and smoking a pipe was a different experience. She made it quite clear she was interested in me but in a very subtle, demure and alluring fashion - I love Melly dearly but I know that the look Amothiewein gave me will haunt my dreams - It is the look i remember of another Elven lady - the look my Mother used to give my Father.

[Scribbled on a salvaged piece of dirt smeared parchment]

Days long, work hard - better than my last time.

Sanctuary - brief break from torment - now torment is greater - No Melly, No Ammoth, No Jade, No Nicki - just dark work.

Skritt tormented - do what I can to help. Being strong I avoid beatings - other slaves listen to me they avoid worst punishments as well.

Maybe we work well we get more food and more rest.

Go clean spider pens can occasionally nap if work fast

[Scrawled on another scrap of pirty parchmet]

I dream - every night I dream of the ladies left behind.

Nicki in red in a far away place full of dragons and horned people and ladies running around with swords - chaotic visions.

I remember the kiss even if it is just a dream. Nicki I am sorry.

I miss my Meliana - stay alive tigress I will return.