Where are the Artlebaums?

Though only here a short time, it has come to our attention of the manner in which you are defacing the magnificent engineering of the Mark Four Animatrons. You know them by the rather more rude and uncouth name of "Spellguard Animatron - Reinforced".

If you were not aware, the mountings upon both of their shoulders serve as a truss, adding structural integrity and power at the contact point for the Artlebaum!

The Artlebaum is a required piece of engineering! It's removal constitutes a dangerous change in the dynamic and precision engineered structure of the Mark Four! Good Gods! The Wind Profile! Think of the Wind Profile!

We DEMAND an immediate return of all of the Artlebaums to the Mark Four Animatrons! You disgrace us with your pedantic meddling in a field you are obviously not qualified to operate in!

The UUGCGMGDESE103, Serving the Greater Dunwarren Area since '51.

Attached is a list of Signatures demanding the immediate return of the Artlebaums, numbering approximately 900. All are strangely in the same handwriting, and near the end they get progressively more and more sloppy.

Animator Basian Dhimani of the Spellguard is not seen for three days after receiving the letter. Deep within the Spellguard laboratory, amidst the crackling of electricity and the sound of books being thrown about, one can occasionally hear from behind some locked door...

"What in the hells is an Artlebaum?!"

Another letter is penned.

Sirs,

I write to you with regards to my previous letter, dated one week ago, wherein I catechized on the subject of all of the Artlebaums being missing from the Mark Four Animatrons.

Thus far, I have not received your reply on this topic. If the Artlebaums were removed because they were impeding functionality that you intended for the Animatrons, please be so kind as to send me form 32423A-B detailing the business or military need under which the Artlebaums were removed, and ensure that all the necessary signatures and seals are included in the 17 subsections of the form.

At this time, I would like to politely remind you that the Animatrons do not belong to you. As temporary residents in the cavern of Dunwarren, you must ensure that the intellectual rights of the currently displaced Svirfnevblin population are being honoured, and that any structual modifications are being accompanied by the proper paperwork, and only being completed by a bona-fide Union representative.

Expecting your prompt reply,

Tipperarry Deeplington Grand-High-Exalted-Master Gem Cutter United Union of Gem-Cutters and Gear-Makers of the Greater Dunwarren Area, excluding surrounding environs, Local 103.

ms

Sirs,

I am saddened at the lack of response from your august organization on the matter of the missing Artlebaums. Realising that you are most likely busy with the day to day handling of the many perceived threats to Dunwarren, I will allow you a few more days to pen a proper response before the initiation of legal preceedings.

Alternately, it has come to my attention that the Mark Four Animatrons are currently still within their warranty period. As the official trustee of all contracts held by the (currently-displaced) Svirfneblin population in the Greater Dunwarren area, I would extend an offer whereby we would service and re-attach the misplaced Artlebaums for the entire working compliment of the Mark Fours currently in service.

Expecting your prompt reply,

Tipperarry Deeplington Grand-High-Exalted-Master Gem Cutter United Union of Gem-Cutters and Gear-Makers of the Greater Dunwarren Area, excluding surrounding environs, Local 103.

ms

Mister Deeplington,

You are correct in thinking that the Spellguard are very busy with the day to day handling of the many perceived threats to Dunwarren, therefore, your willingness to simplify this process would be most appriciated. The Spellguard will be pleased to take your concerns into consideration as soon as there is a just reason to deal with them. Please fabricate some convincing evidence to back your claims and forward it to the Spellguard Tower immediately.

Also, a copy of form 32423A-B would be appriciated. I am unable to locate the original.

- Agent Strife