What was it like to arrive in Sanctuary? How can I best articulate my feelings when I arrived naked in the gloomy caverns of the Town Hall?

Well let me start by telling what my life was like before coming here. Immediately prior I had just finished a noon day dance for the senior officers - it went well and all were happy with my perfromance. Hot and sweaty I retired to the sheltered glades where I bathed and played with Sansa my dearest Sister in the Monastary.

Refreshed form exertions I spent time kneeling on the lawns and praying and drying under the warmth of the sun.

Feeling a sudden chill I opened my eyes and looked up - everything was dark and formless - I saw a vision of what was to come, of my brother Chell - missing these past 3 year. In that vision was a dark haired elf watching the same revelation and watching me - we were seperate from the oracle - spectators.

I was asked if I would like to see my Brother again and without thinking said yes - a spinning sensation a feeling of falling - the texture of soft well kept lawns was replaced with that of cold dressed stone - the temperature had dropped and the gloomy hall lit by torches.

There I lay huddled up trying to hide my shame in front of 3 or 4 men, I had never before been seen undressed by any man and here I was on display for the amusement of many. A kind soul by the name of Erandla gave me one of her suites to wear so I would not be ashamed in front of these men.

What was it like to leave a safe haven of beauty, culture, warmth, love and enlightenment to be thrust into this souless, sunless, murderous and hate fill city?

Do I need to pen the answer to this riddle?

Father Torm - find me a confidant, a sister a true friend in this barren place! Someone attentive, playful, caring and wise.

So hard have a I been working to reconcile the thoughts and feelings and events of the the past week but am at a point where I need people I can speak to who will listen to me and help me overcome these fears and doubts as I embark on my new life.

I find myself fearing for Teredrift - the letters go unanswered an the brief spark we shared I fear is extingusihed forever.

Speaking with Eowung can be frustrating she is silent and absorbing and her own problems keep coming to the fore - I am very fond of her kindness and good nature I really need someone that is proactive and willing to help me get to the bottom of these feelings - how can I help Eo if I myself am such a mess?

Linda is a warm and generous lady but very busy - we share a lot in common but it is had to find time to talk with her - Linda listens but again, so far, has been unwilling or unable to provide the guidance I so desperately need.

Chell and Shadila have so much on their plates and with Shadila so ill my worries are inconsequential - I shall aid in anyway possible to remove the adminitsrtaive burden from my Brother so he can tend exclusively to his bride.

I truly hoped Kaddaz would be the answer to helping me through this - when I asked for time and said I wasn't ready - rather than helping me he ran to the underdark and risked the lives of Loriston and Reonie - he said in front of me to Linda that I had rejected and left him - neither was true - but shows me the heart that i sunder the layers of manners and concern shown by Kaddaz.

So who is left that I know that could help - Frubo is my little saviour from that vile night but I do not see in him someone that wants to be a confidant.

Annabelle? a real sweety who i would like to get to know better but is so hard to track down and her nature is not one for deep discussion?

Drusilla? A female paladin may truly be able to help me but we have not spoken since that fateful expedition - is she avoiding me?

Eleinia? Another female Paladin that does not like me - I do not know what I have done to anger her and she does not want to speak to me.

Father Torm - find me a confidant, a sister a true friend in this barren place!

What a strange sensation - We don't know who the old man is or who his patron is but the 6 of us were taken on a journey into Eowung's past.

I had no idea of the hardship and torment suffered by these slaves and the depths of cruelty of their Drow captors to think of my brother in their hands for 2 years makes me shudder let alone Eowung for over a century.

We were ghosts in the past adn Eowung was haunted by what she could see - I coudl see her wince with remebered pain every time the lash fell - the others, Kaddaz, Frubo, Loristan and Lorna were ready to try and fight but nothing could be done - it was a memory and we were phantoms - voyers in Eowungs private hell.

Out of this can come some Good - Eowung has been forced to confront what has happeend to her, was unabel to run, was unable to hide but relived every brutal moment.

Torm and Eliastree please be merciful and let this be the begginning of Eowungs healing - please guide my thoughts and actions to help Eowung truly find herself and happiness.

I would laugh if I didn't feel like crying!! Fate is conspiring to keep us from talking but at leastthe interruption this time was important. Dearest Teredrift we will talk and soon.

The meeting with Genevis was eye opening and I think I have found an excellent path for my skills in Sanctuary as a healer. The procedure Genevis demonstrated is simple but the consequences of it being needed too often are frightening.

I can understadn Teredrift being nervous when Genevis was demonstrating - there is somehting about him I find intruging - he is intelligent, charasmatic, a healer and a gentleman - I do hope that fate will allow me to get to know this Councillor better.

I need to find out who Laramie is - I know he is with the Society of the Ordered Mind but I need to find out why his rash actions - my Brothers has a respect for the Society and so I need to investigate this further.

If offered I will gladly accept the posiiton with the Steady Hand - I hope I am suited and that the Steady Hand and the House of Light can work together to achieve the same goals - the health and well being of the peopel of Sanctuary!

I wait impatiently for the next timne Tere adn I can speak and discuss matters - is what she said true?

Laramie is a sweetie - outside he is all gruff but when you get to know him he is a man of honor that has been hurt deeply and needs good friends - I hope I can be such as one to him.

Laramie confirmed what Genevis had said about these parasites though he added that they are very dangerous and should not be allowed to survive - I will take his advice to heart.

Genevis is tainted this has been confirmed by separate sources yet his actions show a great desire fro the protection and welfare of Sanctuary - I trust the man but will make sure I am vigilant.

I have been offered the directorship of the Steady Hand which I have accepted I hope I can live up to the promise that Genevis seems to see in me. I know Chell will be disappointed when I stand down form the House of Light but I must dedicate myself wholeheartedly to a single enterprise and the Steady Hand is where I am drawn.

Chell told me the distressing news between him and Shadila - I can understand them wanting to keep it to themselves. Shadila will take time to mend emotionally and spiritually and i will make myself available to her.

I loved spending time with Linda and hope we can do so again some time.

Kaddaz has asked me to the ball - I am in two minds on this - though we have worked out the difficulties between us my heart is not with him or any man - perhaps I should have said no but he is a friend whom I respect.

I am glad that Eowung is responding and finally having some fun - it suprised me to hear that she and Shan had dinner in the House of Light and ended up in a water fight - I am sure Shan came off the worse knowing how clever Eo is - she has so much pain locked up and carries so much responsibility that peopel forget she is little more than a teenager and needs to learn how to have fun.

Found out that Korgh or whatever his name is is a Baneite and a Priest I will make sure that I do not associate with him in future.

Well tainted or not Genevis is dead and a great councillor and my dreams of the Steady hand hospital have died with him. I cannot beleive that it has been turned into a drinking den!!

I am surrounded by so much death here - it makes a healer feel useless - both the good and the evil it is like a plague without the sickness.

I am pleased for my Brother that the House of Light has beocme alive and vibrant but I am not drawn to its mission - I have spent my entire life in a religious institution and now seek a different path - I had thought the Steady was that path.

My decision is made and I have sent Laramie a letter requesting admission to the Ordered Mind - after speaking with him I can see the appeal of fighting the abberations out there - at least I know Laramie and karmin so there will be some faces i know if sucessful.

I am truly sorry that I will not be an Aunty - Chell adn Shadila have taken it hard and they hide the pain away from the people around them but they hurt I can see it but they take their own council for now it is too painful a topic to broach.

I am so mad at Kaddaz - the madness finally took hold of Teredrift despite everything I tried - the hunger in her was too deep too deeply rooted - she killed Kyle and Kaddaz just watched this evil lady kill Kyle - she convinced him that he meant to attack me - dammit this is no excuse to allow this travesty of justice - he should have had them both taken to the watch and sorted out. Now Teredrift is dead as well - both people I tried to help both people dead.

I am left to look at Kaddaz and know that at heart he is a vigilante and not interested in the law - the fact that he so cruelly told me he was going to murder my dear friend - he seems determined to hurt me in any way. The less I see of him the better.

The death of so many people has left me rattled and I need a place where I can get away and think about things.

My vision here is ended - the reason why I was called has not come to pass and the Steady Hand is a broken dream.

Kaddaz has betrayed his oaths as well as me, as he no longer seeks vengance I must assume Teredrift has been slain by his hand. With Teredrift and Kyle dead my ministry dissolved.

I shall find a quiet place to call my own and ponder on what I need to do. A quiet departure no fanfare - no notes to worry people - a letter left with Spence to be delivered after I have left - it is cruel when peoepl don't know what has happened.

I do hope Laramie is not too disappointed that I have not kept our second dinner date - still he is better off without a foolish lady hanging round.

I sit here pondering on the nature of truth and its intereactions with the heart.

I received news that Kaddaz has married and yet only 2 weeks ago he never wanted to let me go - where is the honor in such actions.

We spoke on many occasions about how closign things with May was the right course of action and then he goes and marries another Elf - the man is a liar to himself and his bride - no wonder he was so easily deceived about Kyle. Still this is a closed chapter and one I do not wish to dwell on.

I find that I am lonely here and often reflect on my former life and the time spent with Sansa and the other ladies in the bathing glades - here I was happiest - despite everything I have learned and the powers I have gained I think I would give it all up to go back and not know what I do now.

I have uncovered nothing on Puritan it is as though he doesn;t exist - have sent word back to Eowung and Najara.

How is everyone doing - despite my initial desire for privacy I find I am concerned for my friends.

After much time in solitude I have taken up in the Blue Mushroom to aid the travellers that come through here.

I did not expect Kaddaz to show up and I suspect he was shocked to see me there - the conversation was cool and he was left not being able to say anything.

Still I gave he and his friend Torm's blessings to meet the creature in the basement and healed them when they came out. He went on his way without a single word - that man needs a lot of help as he could not even apologise for what he has done to me and to May.

I was pleasantly suprised to see Frubo - he is still a dear and watch in amusement at the fight between hsi Sister and himself - I didn't even know he had a sister - keep safe my little gallant - a man of good heart in the face of danger....still I must keep my thoughts in check but even being short he is so.......

I was saddened to meet Jirala here by herself in the Mushroom - she claims she has left Kaddaz to his duties as she is a distraction but I sense there is more still out initial conversation didn't go to well - I hope things improve especially if she is goign to be here a while.

I don't know if I ever want to leave my room again I can still feel the claws of those bears ripping through me like tissue paper - no chance to run, to cast or even wave a wand and then darkness.

I awoke in the Hold to see Kaddaz and Jirala there I was mortified and didn;t knwo what to say thankfully Druscilla, Eleina and Jozan where there as well.

For a moment I managed to forgeg what had happened as I saw Nicki collapse - she was there and injured and I had to help her. It's all a blur I know Nicki carried me and salvaged my gear and was truly concerned for me - Torm help me to find a way to repay her kindness and concern.

This sorrow on the back of happiness - Najara was so upset at the loss of a friend Shan - we talked and I let her cry and then she did somehting that no one else has done since being here - she wanted to know about me and my feelings.

We retired to an upstairs room and she asked about my home and friends and duties and wanted to know me as a person and a lady not a councillor or priestess. For the first time I could share my loneliness and how much I miss Sansa and the glades.

She asked me about my dancing and choices and why I don't dance anymore and then she shocked me - she ordered me to dance for her. I was ready to protest was ready to refuse but it fealt so right - I did as I was ordered and Najara gave me a tunic to dance in - I danced with all my heart and my joy was found as I danced for this lady.

She truly enjoyed it and if she ever orders it I will dance again - I have dyed the Tunic I hope she likes it.

After the dance she hugged me and then kissed me in a way I had not fealt since Sansa - it was a truly beautiful gift and for a brief moment I was home.

I do not know if I will find my Husband in this place and fulfill my final duties to Torm but I have found a new Sister in Najara and with her help I, maybe, will one day be able to call this sunless place home.

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it - I should not have left my room.

No sooner had I ventured out than a group of peopel asked for help dealing with some Gnolls - it seemed like a good group with a couple of stronger types and I agreed to help.

Najara showed up just as we were leaving and I asked her to come along - even then I knew I should have stayed back and spoken with my Sister - when will I listen to the voice inside of myself.

On the way there Najara was excited and gave me a new costume to wear and she asked me to dance for again - I was both scared and excited at the same time.

It was a disaster oh we fought well enough until we came to final chambers and there were overwhelmed - the fighters hung back and used missile weapons and the rogues charged in - I was trying to heal but kept getting hit and eventually had to flee and ran straight into a pair - I heard the barking laugh as the chief's weapon slammed into the side of my head and everything went black.

I eventually came too and managed to quaff a healing potion which took away the nausea and most of the pain - collected my pack and applied some herbs to injuries - I was lucky he caught me with the flat of the blade else I would not have had a head left.

I found the others in the same shape or worse - we all were weakned by the time we limped out. I didn't care about the rewards or the items collected - I just walked away telling Najara she could have my share.

I have not seen her since - I know she blames me and I am sure she hates me for my failure to protect her - If I ever see her again I will return her clothes though I suspect she will never look at me again.

I mourn the loss of my newly found sister and find myself loathing this place more and more - Torm is angry as he has taken from me the ability to produce wands with his power - sometimes I wonder if this is worth going on with - I begin to understand why my Brother did what he did when he fell on Eowung's sword...........

[The writing trails off to a tear blotched smear where the pen has been carelessly dropped on on the page]

I reached the depths but three wonderful ladies helped to pull me out - I have a way to go and I am still afraid but with their help an the blessing of Torm I will make it htorugh this dark chapter.

Little Merien was a god send - i was unable to face up to helping Jozen with the temple in lower - I tried but the further I walked form my room the weaker my legs became and heart beating faster and faster - when I saw Kaddaz I thought I would faint and then watching Jozan and May it became too much and I fled.

Eventually I managed to walk back to town hall - to try again - but everyone was gone - I sat on the steps not knowing what to do when I looked up I was surrounded by Halflings - I panicked and ran - ran to my room and lost control.

A few minutes later the beutiful little halfling named Merien let herself into my room and gave me as big a hug as she could and just sat with me - we spoke for a little while and she offered me a gift money couldn't buy - genuine care for a person she didn't know and another hug before leaving - it meant so much.

I slept for a time when Eowung appeared in the Rock and explained that she wasn't angry with me and was really concerned - she has not the warmth of Merien but then she is Elven kind and I suspect she puts up with me because of Chell but she is kind and I know she wants to help - she just doesn;t know how to express herself.

Eo told me I had to get out again and organised for Meliana to take me on some work - that I was to protect Meliana and not let anything happen to her - I swore to her I would.

Outside we were joined by Rig a tempremental halfling lady that i suspect has a good heart and then we were mobbed by people and I couldn;t handle it I walked away - i just can;t be near Jozan and May it is nearly as painful as seeing Kaddaz and Jirala - i know it shouldn't be this way but it hurts so much.

Melly was a little cross and told me I had to stay with her and not wander off which I agreed to do - Melly, Rig and Myself helped an owner of a Brewery - everything went well till Rig stepped on a trap and was nearly killed - I saw her fall and for a second i thought I would collapse - Torm's strength and blessings brought her back from the brink and I snapped - i charged into battle seeking to kill anything that would hurt my comapnioons - I think i screamed and cursed and when the red ahze disappated I was standing over the corpse of a goblin kicking it and stabbing it repeatedly with my spear.

Rig was a little afraid and Melly I think was amused and told me I was a good fighter - after that i was able to think more clearly and we completed the misison easily.

We headed back and I thought i would die when I saw Najara there - I ahd thought she hated me and was angry and I was right she was angry but she forgave me and hugged me and said that we should never be angry at each other as we were Sisters.

She and Eo needed to discuss some matters of House security and a retired to my room - Najara came by as I was preparing for bed and was very kind - we discussed clothes and colors and exercises - she has great upper body strength and her Power moves are impressive - she has the flexibility of one trained as a scout almost as good of those of a trained dancer.

She tried on the tunic I had dyed and loooks fabulous in colors - hopefully she will start to move away from all black when she relaxes and her formal dress was wonderful - almost makes me wish I hadn't discarded the Dress I bought when I was with Kaddaz.

Najara left with a hug promising to check back in on me which was well timed as my headache had started to return - I don't know what is wrong but at its worst i feel like my head is going to burst asunder - it must be an after effect of the Gnoll Chief's axe - if they get too bad I will seek help but i can manage it for now.

Life is making more sense and I have found renewed purpose. When I saw what had happened to the Steady Hand and the reason behind it I knew then and there that I had found my cause.

Laramie does not believe I have what it takes to be an Ordinate he doesn't know me well enough - The Society will help me to fight Illithids and other threats to Sanctuary. They don't know it but they me.

I offered to help Cail find the Gentleman under the scowls and scrungy exterior he maintains - Laramie and Sally seemed quite amused at his reactions when I offered to shave him, cut his hair, bathe him and dress him - Cail would be very presentable.

Kyle followed me around today until I spent some time with him - he was expecting soft gentle Danni - he got Hard nosed Priestes Addams - the man has to grow up and stop looking for sympathy and pity - he should have let himself be killed rather than what he did but he was a coward and continues to be so. I will tell him the truth and not coat it - too much sympathy and pity hasweakened this excuse for a man.

The time I spent with Mistress helped a lot again I was asked to dance and I did an improvisation of the danceof the spear and knife - Mistress told me to find my joy and to find my Spirit and this I am working on. I am lucky to have foudn someone that understands - it has been a long time since I was this Happy.

Najara has proven to be a true Sister and someone I can talk to - the last few expeditions we have been on together have been very sucessful and I look forward to spending more time out and about with this lady.

Najara's background has hardend my resolve to see the Illithid pay as well as any other abominatin that would mess with your mind - the mind is the core of who we are and to break that is far worse than having your body broken by whips. I will be an Ordinate and I will take the fight to these creatures.

Met a lovely yong chap called Jant a Priest of Torm - it is good to have another brother in Sanctuary - I have pointed him to Chell and the House of Light I hope the healing knife I gave him will help.

Had fun doing a little Beetle hunting with a lovely Elven Lass Imogen - first time I met her I though her a real prat going on about churchy this and churchy that even though she knew I was a Priestess - still she has apologised and I think we will be friends.

I am in awe of the strength and resilience of that amazing halfling Merle - the story she told me of her time in captivity and scars she bares made me ill to the pit of my stomach and then what happened to her recently and being tortured because of some Baneite trying to get to Kaddaz. She has such a great heart and is so strong I hope to get to know her better. She looks so adorable in the robes I gave her.

She told me of Kaddaz and their past how he was a protector and the good heart that lies at the core of this man. Dammit I know he is a good man and as I said to Merle he hurt me badly - very badly but this hurt only comes becasue of the love I held, no still hold, for this man - Every time I see him and Jirala together it is like a icy knife is plunged into my stomach. Torm help me to get over this man - I know I need to find a husband to fulfill my role adn bring up some young Tormites and there may be some elidgible men in Sanctuary but why does he keep haunting my dreams???

I have been enjoying the time with Mistress and it was a great joy to once again take on the role of a body servant to this wonderful lady. There is something fulfilling in being able to make someone feel special - To carefully wash their hair, massage soap and oils into the skin and watch them emerge from the waters glowing radiantly. Hair gently cared for and brushed and the correct selection of clothes are all important in this service and to see the Lord or Mistress depart happy and looking like nobility - this is true happiness.

Mistress has been kind and held her servant until she slept - a deep warm comforting sleep that I have not had since arriving here - I deeply miss Sansa and her companionship but Mistress has helped to ease the pain and for the first time has helped me to feel like a lady rather than a Priest or Councillor.

Two things have happened and I don't know how to feel.

Chell told me about what happened with he death of his beloved Shadila and also what she made him promise.

Chell is an Addams again and will take up the family role - I could not have hoped for more - but what to feel about Shadila I am strangely closed off - it was her fault that he went down the path he did and her doing thet repaired it. I don't know whether to resent her or love her. And Chell is he so easily lead by his emotions - I can understand this now - I am confused.

I have also received a letter from Jirala - I thought I would be the last person she would write to - but what she wrote and why she wrote it - Oh Torm help me.

Where are Merle or Najara or Eowung when I need them?

Where is mistress?

I have done as Jirala has asked and I continue her work everything I had planned since I read her letter is coming off as planned and I can;t wait for the big day - only two days away.

Torm give me the strength to go through this with Kaddaz.

Well Eo has agreed to help and conduct the service as required, she was a little reluctant - understandably but after we discussed it she was fine.

I mourne the loss if Jann Dint he was a fine Cleric, a handsome man and had a twinkle in his eye that mad eme smile. To watch him die on Chosen traps has been painful and I find myself envying his release and calling to the home of the Triad - when will my call come?

Merle was distraught at Jann's death and we spoke afterwards of Jirala and Kaddaz and I.

There is much to do and little time. I have missed speaking with Mistress about this but I am sure she is very busy.

I have my revenge and Kaddaz is back in black!!!

Merrle told Kaddaz of my plans so the wedding would not go ahead instead the posters I pulblished had the intended effect and people know the kind of man he is.

Eowung supported me in this and I know she will have words with Kaddaz - Jozan and May were angered though Jozan did apoologise and I thought Arthan was going to attack me.

I feel sorry for Merle caught between two warring parties. I am sorry Merle I really am.

Mistress was disappointed in my reaction and apologised for not being there to talk to and to work out another course of action. we spoke long and she taught me many things I did not know before about life and love - it is a lesson I shall not forget and look forward to learning more and displaying what I have learned.

I like my new colors and I am sure mistress will like them too!! I am much happier these days and I am not sure I completely understand why. My lessons continue and I find that applying the lessons I have learned to be a great joy and to see the reactions it provokes is heart warming.

Two days I briefly touched the fourth Circle again and when I fell on the field of honor - those zombies shredding me my last thoughts were that I would finally be called home - I awoke in shock to see Najara, Eleina and Amothiewein standing over me in the Hold - my duty here is not done - perhaps if I ever reach the 5th circle I will be called home - mistress has shown me there is still some joy to be had in the souless place and has helped to wipe away the black cloud that was descending over me.

The death of three friends had taken its toll - Jirala, Jant and Meliana I will misst them all and envy that they have made their way to their final rest.

Merle and Najara put in a lot of work with myself and Kaddaz to help us realise the damage we were causing to those around us with our fighting and antics - that combnied with Mistress's instruction has helped me to relaise that such revenge is hollow and soul destroying.

The posters are gone, apologies made and Kaddaz and I can talk and be civil though I doubt we will ever truly be friends again.

I have met and befreinded an intruging lady called Erin a servant come warrior from some lands called Kara-Tur. The culture and customs are so different and I inadvertantly caused her distress when I gave her a hug - I had to explain the different modes of affection between freinds and the differences in common terms.

Erin is a good warrior and has a noble heart and seeks her own honor in combat - I am looking forward to gettting to know her better and becoming good friends with her.

Jallia, a paldiness, is a wonderful lady as well and I enjoy her company immensely. I hope to see more of her around Sanctuary. Her travelling companon Stilgarr is a monk of good heart though he doesn;t know when to withdraw from combat for healing and I was injured a number of times trying to heal him - perhaps he will begin to realise and make my life as a healer a bit easier.

Jesse is an intruging man - he doesn;t have a pious bone in his body but he is a good soldier and always looks out for me when he is around - I appreciate his care and concern and between you and me journal he is cute!

Gabi introduced me to her cousin Jon - a flamboyant man taken to dressing in outrageous colors that just don;t look right on a man. Whilst he has a nice manner about him he appears fixated on his mother and claims that she and I are his muses for inspiration - he comes across as a little creepy but it may just be that he is from a different culture and I don;t completely understadn what he is saying.

Yesterday I shared a quiet drink with Amothieweien - it has been a challenge to try and get to know her better she is quite cool and aloof but underneath there is a lady that needs friends and I hope to reach this lady under the cool exterior. i beleive racial differences aside we could be good friends.

Earlier today I was very suprised and elighted to be able to spend some time with paladiness Eleina - I had thought she disliked me for some reason but after a quiet chat I can understand. She shares some of the same reservatins as me about the House of Light and how some mebers have been acting. There is a kind and gentle lady under the gruff exterior and I am glad we are now friends - I look forward to seeing her on the Battlefield and hope that her plans with Drusilla come to fruition mayhaps I could even play a part.

I have been quietly working on a few new dance steps - I am so out of practice maybe Nicki can help me - it is much easier to dance with music.

I was terrified both of the creature and the deal Kaddaz struck with it and at the same time this man whom I thought honorless has made the greatest sacrifce a warrior can make for someone else. He truly does care for me and I will always be his true friend.

I took Kaddaz and Bodoc to see the tunnels where I suspect Drow assassins could be hiding - an interesting encounter with a masked man who turned out to friendly - but why beat around the bush like that??

Private Taddle put out a call to help the Society with a nest of Hook Horrors I was scared as last time we faced these creatures Meliana died. This time it wa smyself and bodoc to be torn apart as we were attacked from three directions with no where to run.

Searing pain and flashing red and my own blood pouring over my red and pink mail then darkness and my call to the Triad.

I awoke in darkness and Heard Kaddaz's voice talking with some dark creature. He gave up a part of his own life essence to bring back Bodoc and myself. He seperated form the group thinking of his fallen companions to see to them when the others would have just abandoned us.

I don't fully understand what happened but I fear for Kaddaz and what this means - I pray he stands strong in his faith with Tyr.

Najara was as caring as ever and I appreciate the warmth and tenderness she displays - she has truly been a source of comfort since Teredrift was taken from me. Eleina was concerned and I need to spend some time to say thankyou to her.

Before I slept i saw Mistress and she was very happy with the colors I am wearing and was a great source of comfort over everything that happened. With her the cares and fears of this rock prison disappear leaving the two of us in an island of happiness - without her I am sure I would go mad.

I hate him - I hate him so much and now he is dead I can't tell him.

It is because of Chell I am trapped in this giant mauseleum full of walking corpses that don't even know they are dead. The words of condolences are poison in my ear - I just want to scream at them I don't care that he is dead - he was a dishonorable coward that shamed the Addams names - led to his weak-willed destruction by a pair of Elves.

So at the last when his precious wife was killed he decides to pick up the family name again like some old cloak that may have found some use again - why didn't he just die out there beside his beloved wife as a pretend elf Kantalith and be done with it?

He failed himself, his family and his order yet everyone here will consider him a hero and a leader but what did he really do? Who did he lead? What accomplishments can be shown? He was a fool leading an impotent group of self stylised charity workers that did nothing to stem the tides of evil in Sanctuary.

But I will do my duty - Torm in his infinite mercy has finally accepted this wreck into his realm and so I have marched in hs honor and hold vigil and will play my part to honor a fallen of Torm - but it should have been me - he stole my place and I am trapped by the vision that lead me here to watch him destroy himself and die.

I hate him so much!

I ache all over and my favorite robes have been destroyed and I no longer have my spears but the March is complete and my duty to my Brotehr has been dispensed - I can now put this chapter behind me.

The religious intolerance in Sanctuary is astounding as is the hit and miss manner in which the laws are applied - one day I am allowed to march but not the next.

I find it amusing the lengths that the Spellguard and the Watch went to to deal with such a threat - apparantly I warrranted an Animatron - I woudl laugh if it didn;t hurt so much.

Delgado has an impressive array of offensive spells and, unlike Bungo, was annoyed at having to remove the weapons from my unconscious fingers. I beleive Kaddaz is right about Bungo - from all reports he enjoyed beating me even after I was unconscious and one I woke up to find myself stripped naked.

It is a shame that this didn't go to trial I would have liked an opportunity to bring up what happens insode the prison cells and to display the intolerance of this place.

Eleina and Druscilla were a godsend somewhere I collapsed exhausted and a vaguely remember them putting me to bed. They are right the House of light does nothing to fight evil in this city and there has to be a better way - I look forward to working with them on this.

Oh I was amused to see the reply from Delgado to my public thank you letter - apparantly I am now a hardened criminal who was only one step from explusion from the city - why didn;t they do the job correctly and just put me in the Cage if I was so dangerous.

Kaddaz was arrested because he finished the fight that Taddle picked with him - I could hear then beating him in the prison cells near me. When we finally were released we had a drink in teh Rock with Merle - poor Merle - she was arrested too and fined for caring for us - she saved my life - my beatings were so bad I nearly stopped breathing but she bandaged me. Merle can;t handle her drink - she was plastered after a single beer - told Kaddaz off - told me I was pretty and kissed me - it was sweet - we put her to bed after a couple of blessings to deal with the sickness and headache.

I don't know that I will love KAddaz as I once did but I find myself growing fond of him again and understadn what he is going through - perhaps I can find some way to comfort him and make hsi transition to his new life easier.

I miss my Mistress at times like this - I am sure she woudl be proud of the stand taken and ritual completed - knowing her I am sure she will understand.

This place is determined to kill me - I survived the Watch and Spellguard only to be beaten and robbed by a man called Restar.

Apparantly he is trying to kill me because he thinks I am associated with the House of Light - when he beat me down and robbed me he left a note about scourging myself and to stop healing.

Next he attacked a group of us in Dunwarren and Frubo and Kethael were killed - I now wear Kethael's armor in his honor he wasa bravepriest of Corellon - I know Jallia is upset at his loss as I am upset at the loss of my littel Gallant Frubo.

Kaddaz has proven time and again to be an able defender and has also shown he is still very much interested in me - but my amorous nighingale is going to have to find another lady to marry and scratch his itch for him. I am enjoying his company and his cuddles - damn him he found my weak spot but my devotion to Mistress is stronger.

Many friends have rallied to protect me and I am thankful for them all - though why they are willing to die defending me I do not know it is a bravery and a gallantry that I have seen unmatched anywhere.

I spent time with Erin and I pray she finds the man she is looking for - I will help her where I can - I am glad she understood that I cannot reveal who my mistress is as I swore an oath.

I miss Mistress right now I need to speak with her about a number of matters and also to tell her how I feel before Restar removes my life from this grey rock prison.

[Due to Dannielle's death the diary is never updated but is found by Mistress along with a few other personal items - combs, brushes and a few other personla items]