Those who have found kumagan's rotting corpse could read this in his diary :

"Entry 1...Date Unknown

It has been several weeks since I arrived and I doubt if anyone will ever be able to see what I write here, or if i will ever reach the surface again.

But I wish to retell here a short account of the events that have led me to such a desperate state.

I have never known where I was born, nor do I believe I will ever find out. But that is of little importance. I grew up near the Spine of the World, between the barbaric mountain ranges and the Sword Coast, in some woods.

There was a small order of druids, composed of seven wood-elf apprentices who gave me the necessities of subsistence, but never came to adopting me as one of their own. As to why they never took me in fully as one of their children, I only discovered a long time after...

Life in the woods, of which I never discovered the name, was tranquil yet boredom gnarled at my roots, urging me to leave and seek others...I was alone, some bastard abandoned and quietly brushed away into the undergrowth, and I longed to find those to whom I belonged by birth.

The winters came one after the other, again and again the same trees, which never seemed to bend or change, dropped their leaves like tears at the wake of a dead year, over and over...By living so closely to nature, and the continuity of events, each in a precise order, induced me into observing it attentively, closely and minutely studying their form and aromas, their colours and properties, the shape of the flower like that of the fruit, and to me they were my silent family, softly caressing the hollow sounding breeze that swept up the dead leaves of winter's old under the trees.

As I have said, the wood elves cared for me...They would leave roots and fruits, but I seldom saw them. Their presence was only known to me, but never confirmed...

I have affirmed they were a druidic order of wood elves...but then I must call this belief into question : I never had proof, but later events led me to think it true. It was only at my ninth year that I followed a shadow, at dusk, to a small clearing near the centre of the woods. There stood seven wood elves, clothed with little more than skins and furs. They spoke, not a word of which I understood, never having being taught previously how to speak, and spoke a long time...by sunrise I was sent back into the woods, remembering only the sounds of what had been said.

Only later when the Master found me I would understand this. The Master instructed me how to shape your lips and place your tongue to speak, and I recall being overjoyed at the conquest I had made over my world. My Master taught me to name the Orb of Light and the Lesser one, to know what inflicted pain and what procured sweet delight, without the ordeal of experimentation of the unknown. He also taught me to close my mind and venture through the network of memories I had, resurface them, relive them again with full and exact recollection of sense and emotion.

Thus the Master, on one particular night, after having listened closely to my account of my infantile years, asked me to delve back into abyss of memories, to retrieve that particular night and present it anew. I could bring to the surface each and every word and I understood. In the order of druids, I was perceived by some as a disturbance to the order of nature, the erect thorn that irritates the sole of the foot, the one who would bring the chaos of civilization into the forest once I had found those of my kind, and told them of the existence of this idyllic place. They wished to cut short my supplies, and claimed I was entitled to live if only I could survive on my own, and was not meritant of a favorable treatment that was interfering with the order of nature and going against the druidic pact of neutrality.

The others said I was part of the equilibrium itself, that I deserved to be protected just like the fauna of the forest is, since I was barely more than a beast. They demanded that I joined them, in their encampments, and lived as one of their own offspring. But the meeting of that night ruled against my inclusion, my human form assuring that i was to be the instigator to their destruction and that of their elven peace."

"Entry 2, 3 days at Sanctuary" On a second lecture of my scriptures, the discontinuity of my tale comes to mind, it is disorganised and illegible to all.

I have mentioned the master, without introduction: The Master is what I called him, for he was my teacher, my security, my acquired father. When I met him and where I met him I recall not. Those circumstances have long evaded even the insight I possess into myself. One day, I was alone, the next i had a place in the world. Soon after, he bid me to leave the forest, and not look back. The next night ashes rose into the air, and when I saw him again he carried golden utensils and wolf and bear manes, animal furs and what resembled the provisions of a small encampment...

He told me he had ran away from the south, claiming he was sick of the dark corruption that preyed on the souls of mankind, bringing chaos and destruction to all his loved ones. He proclaimed having left his monastery out of contempt and scorn for his similars. Only when his corpse hung from the battlements of a human City I discovered he had murdered four children by clenching their throats with his fists, taking exultation from their pain and screams. He had then escaped into the darkness and night, his murderous accomplices to his crimes.

But before I knew that, he was a strict yet warm figure and I always thought that the slight horns coming from the top of his skull were the reason why he was never at ease when we met strangers on our travels. He took me to various cities, that I cannot name because I failed to listen to their names. I was thrilled at the buzzing life of society, but was enforced to sleep in the caves under the indocile storms.

Soon after he had taken me as his own, I began what has made me what I am. He started to teach me how to crush a skull with the palm, how to kick at head level, and also how to evacuate confusion and focus on the situation, how to distinguish the useful from the futile, to determine what was best between attacking and defending, how to bend the trajectory of an arrow, and how to leap ten feet and land on one foot without consequent injury... I was becoming a novice monk.

The hardship of those fifteen years of training left its marks on my body, and the price was oft terrible for the reward : Being asked out of the blue to jump from a ledge and land, I immediately obeyed and jumped, and the bone in my leg split and burst out, making a sharp and bloodied pale fragment sticking out above my knee...I recovered only with the help of some benevolent cleric at a far away temple who magically refitted the bones and closed the wound...During the five months I was recovering, my Master was not allowed to enter the holy grounds on basis of some matter that no one would disclose with me..."

"Entry 3, 6 weeks after arrival" During my time here I have made friends, and some I hold very close to heart : Matham Diamsus, Gruff and Manus Stonefist, but also Tanaka, Lori, Olanil, Gloinar, Tarnis and...Nayia which I met but a day ago.

I am still searching peace of mind, but something is refraining me from achieving it...Maybe I don't meditate often enough, or maybe that dark sadness I find deep down is hindering my progress. I have never given much value to myself, and consider myself as having achieved little in the past, and regret that I never made my master proud before his death :

He had become wary and alert for a while, looking over his shoulder, avoiding all other contact, and hurriedly tried to tell me his secret and strongest technique, which he hadn't fully understood himself. It consisted of being able to punch through any material substance, even of the hardest metal, inflicting gruesome pain to the victim. Himself could barely split a tree in two with a single blow, but I could achieve nothing.

Disappointment has been my sin, being disappointed of the life I lead. I never made the choice to be a Monk, and I don't consider myself truly fit to be one. I never knew who were my true parents, and never succeeded in controlling my destiny. After my master was executed, it was decided I was to be sold into slavery, thus once again discreetly brushed aside into the darkness..."

*edit : spelling*

Entry 4, Time unknown

I have stopped counting the days I have spent here at Sanctuary, and find it hard to keep track of time.

I will now fill in some of the events of my previous life that I have missed out. I have talked about my life in the woods, and about the order of wood elves that lived there. In my earlier years, before my presence in the woods became unwanted, I lived in what one may call the purest form of bliss. A soul untainted by the poison of knowledge, its mind escaping the manacles of life in society, I was bathed in ultimate happiness. One who has not experienced such an existence unbound, nor one who has only lived in such freedom can grasp the significance of such strong ... my words don't suffice.

This leads me on to a belief that I proclaim one of the universal truths of earthly existence, that came to me following a particularly intensive meditation :

Only retrospect can give one an understanding and an appreciation that enables one to understand what I mean. But then for this to be possible one must have experienced both states, bliss and destitution. But now it is the order of the two states which will determine one's state of mind.

Bliss preceding destitution is punishment divine. It is a fall, leading someone unaware of his almost perfect state, not enjoying it fully, into the darkest and lowest form of doom and despair. Thus the person must suffer his present state, and suffer from the memory of idyllic past.

Destitution preceding Bliss is the goal of many a mortal. One suffers in the former part of his life, but eventually elevates his condition, surpassing his siblings, and obtaining in one event three sources of happiness. He enjoys his present state, and furthermore enjoys the abolition of his previous and most miserable existence, thirdly he takes pleasure from his own achievement of elevation.

Only living bathed in a perfect condition or in misery result in the same spiritual level. He who was born king and dies king will only ever grasp as much as he who was born slave and dies slave : That person will only ever be able to see one side of the Coin of Truth, that is, a double sided concept that will only ever permit one to perceive one side. That person can only recall his own and present condition : never having lived the other form, he will never be able to understand it at a spiritual level : of course he may seek knowledge about it, but will never have walked in the steps of his counterparts.

Thus, what one may call Bliss of existence, as in a kingly existence, is devoid of bliss. Since he cannot understand the other state, he can't understand his own, since, just like good and evil, they are interdependent and relative, and comprehension of one requires comprehension of the second.

Therefore, not even understanding his own luck, the king will take it for granted, and not enjoy to the extent he could his own fortune. I am far from saying he will despise his situation, but I am certain that he could revel in it as much as the one who acquired such a condition.

The born-slave on the other hand, will fully understand his own misery, but like the king, fail to see its own advantages. Even slavery, where every glimpse of happiness his brutally torn out your heart, the most abject state of existence that should be banished from this world, has the final and thrilling prospect of Death. I deeply pray and hope that one god welcomes the slave into eternal salvation... Being enchained into slavery for eternity, I must say, must be the worst form of sufferance, and I cannot encompass the depth of such a sufferance at a present time.

Only further meditation will allow me to dig deeper and be rewarded further.

[ooc : elements of this is copyrighted material and every law concerning copyright applies, so no theft or i'm getting your ass sued .] :twisted:

Entry 5. Date Unknown

For a while now an idea has been coming to me in my thoughts. I see before me a grand monastery, a fortress in itself, capable of independence in existence, relying on no one and nothing, capable of assuring its own subsistence, without being at the mercy of others' state of minds, nor being at the mercy of the winds of fortune. It would stand high, outside of Sanctuary, a bastion of not what is right or wrong, for they are earthly concepts, but a bastion of wisdom and perfection, where one trains and achieves not fame, nor power, nor success, but enlightment.

It would be a place where one can escape from the chaos of the underdark, from the claws of pain of earthly existence, and find peace of mind.

....

I have already talked to my friends of the magenta's about possible funding. They seem to approve in supporting my actions.

As of late I have also contacted the monks of sanctuary, attempting to gain their sympathy in the hope of obtaining their support, and finally becoming monks of an order of monks I may call my own. To include a few names I have talked to Tanaka Speagle, who for some mysterious reason disappeared suddenly, then Kain Ashby who I never saw again. Those who I have no reason to believe dead or lost at a present time include Olanil, one of the most impressive monk's I have ever seen. Although in martial terms he cannot compete, I still admire him for his spiritual side, and expect to learn much from him. I have also met Nayia, which I mentioned some time ago. Nayia is still a mystery to me, at first seeming kind, then harsh and reserved. I am puzzled by her personality.

Entry 6, a week later

Nayia led me to one of the most tragic events of my life, or more precisely my near-demise. Out of desire to know her more I followed her with a group comprising of Tarnis and Stonefist, to fight some goblins...*in a smaller calligraphy, translating shyness* I must admit that my taste for blood also made me want to go but that's another matter * small writing ends here*

So there we left to fight some goblins, and in the chaos and confusion of the fray, and a belt weighted little pest stabs me in the groin...I passed out immediately.

*the writing here becomes slightly more disrupted, seeming to indicate shame*

My friends believed I was dead, and one of them must have stripped me from my wealths...I can hardly blame them of theft but i dearly wish to receive at least some form of compensation. During my blackout, I finally understood the significance of my visions of the monastery. The monastery would not be a physical structure, but my own soul...with some form of auto-criticizing irony, i must say...it makes it a bit harder all of a sudden.

But...I might have a glimpse of hope, but I must be even more careful with my person and for the first time in weeks, i actually spent some of my gold * A crude yet comical little drawing depicts someone gasping in shock and horror*

So there I have become another slave to the economical machine of Sanctuary...Utopic dreams are dead of a wealthless state are dead...

Entry 7, same day

*the normally soft writing has changed here into a distorted scribble full of anguish*

Shocking news from Nayia : during the time I believed that I was unconscious I was in fact dead....and apparently some Goblin shaman raised my corpse as an undead...and I even fought against my friends...I cannot speak of it, so much I am encumbered by shame and self hatred...

What furthermore pushed me to want to die was the fact that Manus and Tarnis were both believed to be dead...I could not bear the loss, so dear the two of them are to me...

At first I wished to die again, at one point about to fall off one of those cliffs in upper sanctuary, but the careful persuasion of a man named Arthan stopped me in my self destructive course. I am now most grateful of such support. Hope was also given back by someone saying that Tarnis and Manus lived...I can hardly recall how happy I was about it.

Entry 8, end of the day

I will now write about someone, or a group of people I have been curious about for a while. I have spoken of Tarnis beforehand, but, since my journal is as disorganised as a goblin encampment, I need to introduce him after.

Tarnis is a hin, and a most trustworthy one as one can find. He is a good scout, and hasa good heart. I met him during a quest with a group of women, who are the true subject of this entry.

We were fighting some huge rat things, Chosen they call themselves. Our party was composed of Shauna, Kata, Cammi or Cati, I can't remember which. Now what makes me write about them is that they form something extremely rare in nature. Now, I have never really known a woman, having only ever lived with my master. But it isn't some base desire that sparked my interest in them...it's how they are with each other...

It is hard to understand, but from what I have seen, that group of women form bonds of friendship like no other...Something unearthly unites them and I find it truly passionating. During that quest, I was joking about women with Tarnis, and they seemed to have taken it personally...

Sometimes I truly despise myself : I have no self control at all on a plurality of things, including violence and poor humour.

So basically now they believe that I am some form of ....prat....They're probably right anyway.

So anyway what draws me towards them is how they seem to understand each other perfectly...something I have never seen before... The downside of having seen that is that it has made me realise to what extent I am an outcast...* the huge blank following reveals his sadness*

Entry 9

I think I should stop lying in my own journal... The problem with writing down all that I know or think is that if I were to die, some of the contents could endanger those that are close to me, and this is why I'm not sure as to what I should write...

The Truth or the Safe?

I was once told that not all truths were worth telling. That is true, and I have meditated a long time over this question. I now write down here the conclusions of my thoughts. Upon analysing the notion of truth, I have noticed that THE TRUTH, the real, concrete, which can be proven, as no importance whatsoever and has but little impact upon the lives of us, the common mortals.

What actually holds any importance in this world is in fact THE PERCEIVED TRUTH, or the “commonly believed to be true” . It can be the same thing as THE TRUTH, or a part of it, or entirely false, but whether or not it is true has no importance, as long as people believe in it. I'm sure i'm not the first to realise such a thing, and what people try to feed you as TRUTH is in fact often a PERCEIVED TRUTH. Politicians, clerics, and the like have clearly understood this. All one needs is the people to believe in something he claims to be TRUE, and whether or not it is really TRUE is irrelevant, and will not have any impact on this world until, and I stress the until, another set of beliefs dismisses the old one.

This makes another of what i believe to be the universal laws of this world : the TRUTH has no importance, only beliefs do, and an enormous part of our worldly problems derive from this law.

This law has an impact on politics, on justice, on life in society as a whole, but also in our own minds...Most minds will stop thinking when it has believed to have obtained the Truth...but this is only a belief...Only the greatest of monks have truly attained the TRUTH that I speak of, only the greatest of them have contemplated to an extent which allows them to perceive the TRUTH. The proof of such a thing is the extraordinary powers they seem to derive from their understanding...

Reaching such a level of contemplation is one of my goals. Trying to spread what I know about the truth is another...Thus my dream of the monastery in sanctuary comes back to me... How many souls suffer because of their perceptions? How many people cannot for themselves progress in their thoughts and stay stuck at some beliefs that enslave them into a way of thinking...This is why a Monastery could help our people.

It could support those who'se minds find it hard to cope, it could encourage those who are able to answer some “important questions” to dwelve deeper in their minds and seek answers. It would benefit as a whole the mental state of this town.

Entry 10

Since my last entry, I have decided to stop adding the dates, nor any time reference. I'm not bothered enough to ask anyone.

What was I writing about lying already in my journal? * a little gap between this last word and the next indicates a second reading of what is already written*

I have come to the conclusion that it is best not to write the truth....I will write what is safe. Even though I don't write some truths, I'm not omitting all truths, nor am I always lying. Just as a mesure of precaution, I am not able to put down everything in here.

Entry 11

A while back these ladies, namely Shauna and Kata, were quite pissed off at me. I can understand them. I hope that what I did to make up for it helped however. I offered a few weeks back a gnomish magical item, which apparently could cause confusion amongst the enemies ranks, not that i ever tried it, to Kata. Having noticed her somewhat taste for wealth, I also proposed a small deal which I hope she has not forgotten. The problem with dealing with such people is that one is never sure what they hide behind their minds...

* written down as a reminder* -Remember to meditate on others patterns of thought and characters, for more accuracy in “reading”

So from now on I'll try to be polite and respectful and stay out of their way *adds to the list above*

-Don't be a pain in the ass to women...not worth it in the end, even if its a terrific laugh for a while

Entry 12

What has happened since my last few entries? Nayia has given me a few tasks to do, which I've done without any difficulty. I've talked to more people about the Monastery, even Councilor Geigne. He seemed very pleasant and I felt it was encourageing to have spoken to someone important and see him approve. All I need now is to fund the whole business, or do some other work.

I'm going to need a heck of help to do this. It will probably get anyone who tries killed. That I don't want to do. Its that or boring collection of funds. Anyway, I feel like getting started and helping out those in need.