Recently, I purchased Mass Effect.

Now, I'm intensely dissatisfied with my investment, as it does not perform to advertised functionality. In other words, I can't get the bloody thing to work. I've attempted it on two computers, even. One running Windows XP, with flashy cards and such, which should without question be able to run it. However, it cannot detect a connection to the internet, and that's something that ME needs to start up (retardedly). The other is running Windows Vista, and is almost as good as the desktop. Whenever I attempt to start the game on this one, I'm told that there is an error regarding one of the shader files, and the launcher promptly closes.

I would very much like help, before I burn down JB HI-FI.

Well, for the Vista system the obvious first question is, have you tried reinstalling the game? The next three questions that popped to my mind are:

1. Have you updated your game to the latest version? 2. Have you got an up to date version of DirectX installed? 3. Are your graphic card's drivers up to date?

Not sure if it's still valid, might want to check out Twenty Sided's stuff http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1654 http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?s=mass+effect

So yeah, it could be a SecuROM issue

I doubt it's a SecuROM issue since he's getting a shader error. In any case, I should probably point out the obvious fact that trying to fix this error you're getting might leave you unable to play the game as you might end up spending all of your three activations.

I'd also like to mention that things like SecuROM suck bad, but you all probably already knew that. They do nothing to prevent piracy, but they make the life of paying customers a hell.

Yeah, it really defeats the object when if you buy the game you THEN need to pirate a cracked copy if you want it to not be crippled with that bloody handcuffware. Selling a product that's *inferior* to knock-off copies is a bit mind-boggling.

sell the danged thing and get it for the xbox 360 instead. It works very well on that.

"INTERNET CONNECTION REQUIRED FOR GAMEPLAY."

It says that, even in caps, on the front of the box. As for the Vista machine, go to BioWare's tech help forum before attempting a whole lot so as to avoid using up the registrations. I know they clear up automatically over time, and I've heard a rumour that being connected to the Internet while uninstalling clears one up as well, but no reason to take the chance. Are you also positive the video card can actually run the game?