Let post some fanfics, based on EfU and its community! Nothing too dirty, remember; this IS EfU after all.
also im back but only in fanfic form
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Lit softly by the withering glow of his candle, James studied the letter in his hands with care and intent. The initial doubt now having stepped aside, his lingering hopes made their way to the front of his mind. There was a slight dampness to his palm as he turned the letter around, studying both front and back as though less certain of its simple existence than he was of its message. After all, this was a message he had long suspected would never find its way to his room; "Meet me at the In-Between" it read plainly, in that script of subtlety that bespoke volumes on the subject of Her gentle seduction.
The passing footsteps, light like a halfling, lifted him out of his trance as his attention was drawn away from the letter and to more important business. Dropping the letter on his end table, he quickly grasped the soiled rope belt of his tattered trousers and fastened it tightly in a practiced double-knot. In retrospect he realized that he tied it too tight, and since it was double-knotted it may be a bit of a hassle to undo in a time of dire need. However, knowing full well the fact that he never performed his work when hurried, he dismissed the concern quickly. He nonetheless was forced to pause in deep introspection; her letter had indeed drawn his eye from the moment he saw it, and only the fear of being discovered in the act could release his gaze. Had their brief meetings really held such a deep meaning for him that he could not even realize it until this long afterwards?
James was forced to capitulate. She had, in fact, already taken hold of his heart, as though it had always been hers for the taking. The realization came upon him gradually, unlike the sudden and shaking revelations in his favourite romantic novels. That cold, familiar tingle moved up from his unwashed sacrum to the base of his skull. He had to see her, and he could not bear to wait a moment longer. With the speed of a stumbling bolt of lightning James toweled off his chest and threw the chocolate-covered cloth behind the bookcase. He gathered up his pot helmets and sinews and tip-toed around the mess he'd left on the floor, reaching for the door handle with his glove then discarding that glove forever. After he'd made his way out of the room, he sprinted down the steps to the front room of the Last Stand, where he passed by Wyric Crowshire doing something mind-wrenchingly similar to the things he otherwise usually does. James caught a reflection of himself in the shimmering self-importance of the former Councilor, and stopped to admire his own presentability.
Standing no taller than a half-orc's uppermost chest hairs, James was truly a unique specimen; his utter humanity was beyond reproach, as excrutiatingly-demonstrated by his unshaven and patchy brown facial hair and the three dumpy lumps that hung off the front of his body like the points of a Y. Beneath the overhanging gut that proved his manliness was a pair of tattered, pale-blue trousers, held aloft by shame and a dirty rope which smelled of things that would get me banned for mentioning here on the forums. The front of these trousers were marked by a growing, dripping stain, which hopefully was sourced by a wound he hadn't bothered to get healed. Pustules of a deep and sensual egg-white speckled his slimy skin in only the most visible places along his face and bare back. Also he wore no shoes as an homage to Ubel.
Assured of his inconquerable beauty, James made his way out the door and into the wilds of the Underdark. After trekking through the mines and punching an Umber Hulk Behemoth, he awoke in the bottom room of the Mausoleum. He found this to be the most expedient way of travelling in the city, as he had a unique and tongue-torturing habit when it came to bridges. The excitement of his decisive and eager heart, beating out of rhythm with anticipation, kept him moving at the pace of a barbarian whose left leg had been LETO'd off, not by an app, but out of sheer vindictive punishment for being an utter dink. Crossing the bridge before the staircase, whose very few stairs never left anyone out of breath, he paused to run his tongue along the fine Svirfneblin architecture, making keen use of his stealth skills to Hide his inner loathing and Move Silently through the world like a osmosis-based moral leech who drained the very right to exist from anyone who looked at him.
James had arrived shortly thereafter at the appointed place of meeting. The gates of stone and steel loomed before him especially high from his position face-first on the ground. He spent a few minutes falling to his knees, then to the ground, with his arms sprawled out in an expression of false death, before rising to his feet impossibly fast and repeating the action. He paused in his raucous laughter, however, as suddenly there appeared behind him the shadow of an elf. As he turned, the sickly-sweet voice of his secret love came to his ears.
"Hello, hunny..."
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