[If you're reading these, you probably found them on the table of an inn, with Elwicket too busy drunkenly shouting "hack 'em off! to care you're leafing through. If you've teamed with him, it's probably lying on the floor next to a fallen enemy after he ran out of ammo and decided to hurl his diary at them or whack them with it.]

Elwicket's Diary! [This bizarrely-constructed diary is bound with armour-grade hide, a heavy clasp holds it shut, and the metal plates on the corners appear to have been carefully sharpened. It's rather soiled with blood. The title is formed of opalescent metal letters riveted to the cover.]

[The first pages refer to Elwicket's past as a gnomish mercenary and tunnel guide.]

.....Ah, now the mole dung's hit the mill, all right! Bunch of human archae-whatsits hired me to help them though the tunnels, find them a way to some big deep-gnome city. Reckoned it'd be good to have a gnome along, case there was any of them still down there. Barely got a few miles down, when one of them daft humans gets attacked by a big spider, and decides to throw a thunder-stone at it in a loose tunnel!

Of course, he starts the whole thing rumbling, and it caves in right on top of them all! I was lucky, just got stuck under some dirt and gravel, and a 15-year-old gnome could dig his way out of that! Put paid to any hope of GETTING paid, though. Well, best get moving. Might have lost my axe, but least I got my rations!

Aw, weaseldirt! The rations ran out!

[Several entries of "killed a rat. Ate the rat. Garl, I could do with a turnip right now! Or a drink!" and so on.]

[Diary continues:]

Hey! it's not looking so bad. Came out this tunnel, and found some town down here! It's a bit grubby, and full of goblins, kobolds, duegar and the like, but anywhere I can get something that's not rat to eat is a pleasure. I'm SICK of rat.

Wow! This has got to be some prank, and a wild one at that! I had a look up the big stairway, and there's only a deep gnome CITY up there! Beats me where all the gnomes are though, but it looks like there's about every sort of surface-dweller around!

Just my poor luck to find what I'm looking for and not get paid for it cause my ruddy employers got themselves killed! Hah! Humans! What do they know about down here? Surprise they've not buried themselves under a rockslide too!

Got hired to take some supplies to a shrine outside the city, but just as I reached the place, this bolt whizzed right past my head, and stuck in the door! I legged it inside, handed the delivery to some human cleric, then had a look to see what was taking shots at me. Gnolls! and lots of the things! I can't take on all that lot, so I ran off to raise an alarm and get some help in kicking their furry behinds.

Sent a message out with this useful magic stone system they got here, then ran up to the gates before the Gnolls to fight started to run out. They looked like a tough bunch, and I'd only got armour I found in a barrow, so I stood back and flung darts. Got hit by a bolt and passed out. Came round to find most of them killed, and starting rummaging through the bodies for loot. Got some good stuff!

Rest of the day, joined this half-orc fist-fighter and sneaky elf in looting some ruins. Ruddy imps almost had me with their cheap magic tricks, but that elf saved me from a good kicking with her herbs. Sold her this fancy mace I found dead cheap as thanks.

This's city's one funny place. Met some goblins who weren't trying to stab me, for one thing! Wanted me to go up to the merchant and buy them a crossbow. Now, goblins are shifty little rats, and I'd normally tell them to go bite a bolt, but but turns out this mob like fighting other goblins almost as much as I like fighting goblins!

They said they'd hire me on for a raid on some rival gobbos if I got them the bow. Wouldn't turn down a bit of money for a bigger axe, so long as they don't point the bows my way! I'll just add on a nice "delivery charge", and be sure to get the money BEFORE I hand them the bolts. Anyway, whatever happens I'll like it. If they're setting me up, I get to fight goblins. If they're honest, I get to fight goblins AND a giant! Brilliant!

Well, thought those goblins had tricked me good and proper when this big lizard jumped us in the caves, until I saw them fleeing faster than I was! Got out of its way, the regrouped and gave it a real hacking, the overgrown pest!

Checked my back plate for stab dents just in case, then carried on with them, right at the rear, where I could see what they were all up to. I'll let them charge in first before I'm sure of them.

Turns out they really DO like to beat on other goblins, as they they were straight in with their swords and yelling at me to get in there! Never thought I'd see the day I'd take a goblin's advice, but you won't see me turn down a chance for some bladed mayhem!

When we'd killed off the whole camp's worth, they even split up the loot like a bunch of humans or something. Well, not all the loot, mind. Grabbed a few useful and explosive-looking things while they were all busy.

Told them I reckoned I could trust em, for goblins anyway, and I'd sell them more weapons if they needed. Didn;t tell them how much of a price-up I'd be doing though! Also persuaded them to let me keep a strangely tough looking shield of theirs I'd taken a liking to.

Got a decent pile of gold these last few days! Looks like time to buy a nice new weapon! Could probably do with a new handaxe, there's no fancy work or magical whatnots on this one.

Some goblin in Lower's paying me to hunt rats. Loony goblin, should have just pointed me at 'em!

Got a new axe now. It's a bit mucky, but should polish up nice.

Hah! Humans have no taste! One of them called my shiny armoured hat "hideous"! The plonker, can't he see it matches my armour? Bet he's just jealous from not finding any glittery rainbow paint. That orcy-looking lad with us liked it though.

Fought a bunch of zombies and the like today, and had it all screwed up at the end by some SNEAKY BACKSTABBER ELF BITCH! We'd got a gobbo wizard with us who'd magiced us all up betore we went at the zombies, and as we were going out she summoned some giant firey thing and bloody killed him! Goblin or not, he was ON OUR SIDE! If she wanted a fight, should've done it in his face, not when we didn't know she was even starting! I got her firey thing with my axe, but she diappeared and legged it.

Used up two of those hidey potions grabbing the goblin's loot back. Passed it to one of the other gobbos who seem to run Lower now. Hope that elf gets a well-deserved whacking, and hope I get a decent reward off his boss for all the trouble.

Met with sneaky backstabber's boss and his lady today. They didn't seem to get the point that even backstabbing a gobbo's a bloody dirty trick. Especially by starting another fight when we're trying to leg it from a horde of tough-as-hells zombies! Hope I've got him thinking. Right now I'm bothered she might start whacking the rest of us next!

Should be safer in Lower, with Ghyrrt's mob wanting her dead. On the upside of this thing, that goblin boss has offered me a reward for getting his mage's stuff back.