Day 1 - I woke up in that solid stone room, cold and chilled. I don't know where I am and don't know who these other people crammed in here with me are either. I gazed around the room looking for an authority figure of some kind, but everyone seems as confused as I am, though I refuse to verbalize my own thoughts.

Gah, this headache I have is unrelenting. I must have been in a fight somehow, but I don't see any wounds or bruises to indicate injury.

How did I get here? Why am I here? Where is here, exactly? I try to retrace my steps but I seem to have lost my memory. How much did I have exactly last night? I was at the gambling hall, I was up 10,000 coins. It was marvelous, I had just won the part of the contract to rebuild Neverwinter after it's war with Luskan and I was celebrating.

I remember talking with another builder who was toasting me to my winnings, but that was the last thing I know before this very moment.

There seems to be a cabinet against the far wall with some basic supplies and a shaft of light leading somewhere, hopefully to safety. I will write more later.........

Day 23

It's been several weeks since I arrived in Sanctuary. Though I have grown accustomed to the area, it's still not home. Many I've spoken that have been here much longer than I have, have given up hope and have found solace in making a new life for themselves here. Some even going so far as to resume worship of gods from the surface or changing trades to ones more suitable in this underground realm.

Speaking of gods, I have ran into several followers of Bane. And while, I think it is fool hardy to follow a diety that was once so easily bested by a human, I cannot wholeheartedly disagree with their worship. Not that I subscribe to their philosphies, but I suppose in someway, that's what they decided that they needed as a crutch to keep them motivated down here.

Sadly, they seem to disagree with me on my faithlessness and several tried to convert me nearly on the spot while we were looking for some missing boy. I had to run as I feared for my life. They later sent an assassin, who was foiled by his own blundering and lack of skill with a sword.

However as it would be, I recently learned that 4 of the 6 Bane followers that were of a nuisance to the city, died at the hands of a group of mercenaries outside the city walls. So, it would seem, I have less to fear for now.

Ah, I know this is getting long, but I don't write to often in this book, so at least when I do, I feel I should be thorough.

I've tried exploring the exterior areas around the city. I've found several caverns worthy of exploring though from the creatures I spotted in there, its really not wise for me to go alone.

I've also learned the location and visited a Dwarven fort....a Duergar fort no less. Despite the fact that they are slavers as well, I feel they are more easily swayed by coin and material wealth than anything. Further investigation might prove......usefull.

I wish to explore the underdark further, but it seems that many in Sanctuary are too afraid to leave the supposed safety of its sverf walls. They almost cower in fear of the words 'exploration of the underdark' as if by speaking them aloud that hordes of beasts will suddenly besiege the city. Though possible, I find it highly unlikely this scenario could ever actually occur.

So somewhere, out there in the dark, is a way home. I just need to convince a few more people to help me take the mystery out of our surroundings. This should help assuage the fear of demise. Afterall, I agree that going alone out there could be very dangerous, but I doubt that a well organized expedition that was very well equipped would fall. In fact such a group probably could sustain itself for quite a long time in the underdark.....and come back with some valuable information.

Day 25

Today was not a good day. I have lost several friends and associates.

(several lines are skipped for no apparent reason)

An Ilmateri friend of mine fell today. An assassination apparently. Got us with our pants down in the Hoaran Crypts. How I didn't see him standing there I'll never know. I've got a watchful eye, I should have noticed something out of place with that tomb.

Maybe I'm faltering. I remember that I used to know things, but now I can't remember what would seem to be half of what I used to know. I've heard that the beings that held me, these....mind flayers....do experiments on their slaves. Probably explains why my memory is either missing or all in pieces. I wish I knew more........

More over, I've tried to return to those crypts to finish the job I started, but each time, another of my associates falls to the zombies, ghouls and whatever the hells else resides down there. It would seem that though I lived, that I'm more of a bad luck charm on those I deal with.

I can feel the darkness of these caverns sinking into me already. Like a madness of a mild kind. I think it's the constant eye strain as I wander about outside the city. Maybe it's the lack of real food. Gah, if I have to drink one more tree made beer or bug innards for dinner, I think I'm going to fast for a week just so it tastes 'new' afterwards.

On the upside, there have been several lasses that I've grown fond of down here. They keep my smiles up, the few I have. Hopefully I do the same for them, when I'm not gulping down potions to cure poisons and such from my explorations.

Additionally, I've seen a recent influx of fellow Hin (those are halflings for anyone who might find this after I die). So it's nice to hear my native tongue again, even if it's not in Urmn, my hometown. Seems that we all want to go home. Maybe I can inspire them to join my cause and further our studies of the Underdark. That way the loss of my friends and partners would not be in vain....especially if I make it home.......

Day 30

*sigh* I am tired. Physically. The only jobs that seem to be available are always in the far reaches of the city and are always, ALWAYS, never as the employer describes them. Just yesterday i was asked to deal with some gnomes in the mines. Of course it was way more complicated and dangerous than just that. And only a inkling of gold for the trip. And to make this worse, by the time I complete them I have no energy left to explore outside the city.

I just want to go home.......I need to find a way out of here.

I also recently completed a request by the seekers to free some slaves. To me I don't see how this gets me any closer to the surface or how this sort of job even comes under the jurisdiction of the Seekers. Shouldn't the Watch or Tigereyes be handling this?

My faith in the political and military forces here is fading fast. It seems that no one really understands that WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE in the first place.

Sometimes it doesn't surprise me that half the residents here were ever slaves. What surprises me is that they ever had motivation to escape in the first place! They just seem to willing to adjst to this black hell.

I need more help. I can't stay here any longer. it's that simple.

Day 32

Another day dealing with some of the less motivated here. I suppose that if I didn't know there was a way out, I'd give up hope to.

Hells, I'm not even sure if I'm sure I know of anything. Its just a feeling I have. A strong one granted, but still a feeling, not hard fact. It's driving me crazy. My whole life I've dealth with facts.

Maximum vertical height of a freestanding cobblestone wall without a form of braces: 3.5 meters

Maximum draw strength of a Arvenwood Longbow drawn with steel: 263 kilos.

Number of days to build a structure to house 4 servants in the Northlands: 3 months with standard labor, only 2 if I can get half-orc labor.

All of these are facts. Tested. True. Unchanging. These are things I can count on. But just about everything here is mutable. Only thing that doesn't change is my crossbow, only consistent form of defense I have. And even then it's not that well built. It's sturdy, yes, but it's not strong enough to withstand the modifications I'd like to make, nor are materials available to make those changes even it were.

Then I have all these.....gut feelings about things. Things about the Tigereyes and the Seekers. Everytime I talk to one of those groups, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end.

I used to get these feelings as a young'n but I haven't had these for ages. Age and wisdom of a sort I suppose, replaced that fool hardy nature. But I'm still unnerved. Mainly because just as it did when I was a young'n, my gut feelings are almost dead to rights on. I'm on edge with just about every person I meet.

And I cannot forget the fragments of memories that keep slowly leaking back to the front of my mind. Disturbing images....horrific thoughts.....some of the things I saw......

*the next several lines are scribbled out, but they appear to outline several seemingly related images of fellow halflings brains being savagely torn from their skulls and enjoyed as a meal by a small group of Illithid.*

Best to forget things that couldn't have possibly happened.

Day 33

I don't know where to begin. I'm losing my mind, or maybe I've already lost it and just don't yet realize it.

I stabbed someone at the Rock Inn last night. A dwarf. A dwarf that was trying to wake me up from a nightmare -- a memory-- I was reliving.

He was, er-I thought he was-, an illithid.

My memories are slowly coming back. But it seems more forcefully this time around. I can feel a deep rooted pain in my head. Like some underlying evil that's trying to burrow it's way to the surface and get out. Like this time.....I remember a graphic mutilation of the only female friend I had when a slave. The illithids chained her to a table and restrained her head. Then carefully cut her head open while she lay there screaming in agony. And I could do nothing, as I was paralzyed by some spell.

After making their cuts the then forcefully tore open her skull and, while she was still alive, ate her brains like noodles, slowly wrapping them around their fingers before sucking them off in sheer delight. Their tentacled faces sneered at me while they literally ate her to death.

Finally, their spell wore off, and unconciously I grabbed the sabre from the guard next to me and slit his face from chin to eyes, and then turned on the dining couple and rammed the blade into their heads so fast that they didn't even have time to clear their fingers of her brains before I struck.. I sat there in a sea of blood and tissue, when the outer guards came in subdued me with a wave of their tentacles.

I don't know when or where this was, but memories like this come back as fragments usually. But this one was whole.

Sadly, Kara had to be around to witness this spectacle, and though I apparently healed the man I wounded, I feel that the others around at the time may not have fully understood what I'm going through. And though her words are kind, I need something more. Something......warmer.

And what's more is that Caliira has vanished into the lower sanct of the Dunwarren Ruins. She was always able to give me a smile and her eyes were alway warm and welcome. I hope she returns soon.

I just wish i could remember everything. I keep getting the feeling that I used to be a lot smarter than this, but somehow something is escaping me. Like it was removed on purpose.

I need some sense of my past.

Day 39

By my calculations it's been over a month that I've been here in this underground city.

Actually a little over a month.

Seems like a year. I've come so close to death so many times, I begin to wonder how much more my body can take. And then there's my mind. Or whats left of it.

There are days when I feel brilliant and resourceful and others where I'm lucky if I know my own name, let alone a traveling partner that I might have had in the past's name. There used not be a device in the world that I couldn't figure out or construct. Now i consider myself lucky that I can disarm a trap at all, let alone spot them.

Then there are the ruins. So much wonderful technology that I just know I could learn if I could remember even half what I used to. Damned Illithids. Whatever they did, they robbed me of gifts. Part of me wants to kill them all. Watch them as I rip THEIR brains out and feed it to a pack of wolves.

Then again, I'd much rather just leave this hellacious place and move on with my life at the same time. Hopefully I can take that cute Hin lass with me. I dare not say her name in here. Someone of vile intent finds it and she could be in danger. And that is another problem.

She is in constant danger it seems. Maybe because she's a Hin and they figure we're easier to pick on because we're so short and small. Or maybe it's because she's a woman. Hell its' probably both. What eats me up inside is the fact that I am not sure that I can amply protect her should the time arise.

My talents have been turned to stealth and escape, not combat and submission of foes. I feel that magic might be the only recourse avialable to me to perform such a task. But I know numbers and facts not, voodoo and mystical crap. But it just seems that everyone has some inhuman abilities that help them. I may have to seek out a mystic to gain a better understanding of the arcane. Though I'll admit it sends a chill up my spine at the thought.

Day 40

It appears that my ability to protect anyone is pretty much useless. I try. I even bought a special shield in the hopes of helping many of the fighters and clerics that I often travel with.

Yesterday I ventured into a cave of ogres with a large party. Things were fine for a while, but then Eoyoung fell. We carried her body and vowed to complete our journey in her name. Cel took her body to the temple afterwards and her spirit was returned to her body. But she was not the same afterwards. if I had just watched out for my traveling companions more, she might have had to be yanked back and forth between the planes.

Then I find out today that she fell to undead, but this time to a demon undead! And that a divine being supposedly claimed her body. Why don't gods just stay out of our business? Some say they have a bigger plan for us all, but how can they be so wise if they themselves still fight and war against each other?

Their flaw is the belief that they are wiser and smarter than us mortals.

Not withstanding Eo's passing, which not only saddens, but angers me as well, I find out that my friend Edgin is also dead. But we don't know who killed him. Still I have lost too many in this world.

I count at least six of my friends have died since arriving here forty days ago. Three of them in that damned Horan temple. Those Horans are irresponsible. How is it that their temple is used so frequently as a source of undead? They are preists! Can they not banish these foul creatures for good? I feel their incompetence is going to cause the undead to spill out and on to the streets where we will be forced to raze that building - reducing it to nothing but rubble in a hole.

It must be destroyed. I just need to find a group to help me........

Day 40 *second entry, in a sloppy but legible hand*

I said it before - I hate this city. It has claimed yet another of my friends. But this time it was grief that killed him. That and two and a half foot of steel that he self-imposed. I know i pushed him further. He said his gods didn't care any more and my reckless nature told him that he was right. I could have...I should have said something different.

Everyone around is hurting....my hangover notwithstanding. I just watched Kara collapse to the floor in tears. And mylin, well she was so shocked that I think that young 'un finally realized the gravity of her situation. Damned young fools. Don't they realize that this world is and always has been a giant pile of dung?

.....gah I have such a headache right now. I can barely believe I out drank that dwarf. Nine ales in only a couple hours. And that shit may be watered down, but they sure give you big mugs of the stuff. It's hard to see and with this headache even harder to think.

I just can't believe that I've lost three friends in 1 day. Well two actually, I just learned of a third today, but apparently he vanished days ago.

This city is such a mystery. People can vanish for days on end in the underdark then miraculously come back virutally unharmed. Must be some survival instinct that keeps them alive while traveling.

........ugh...I need to lay down. The ale is coming back up again......

Day 40 *third entry, handwriting only slightly improved from the last)

Slept for 6 hours. Least I think it was that long. Can't tell without a sun down here. I still feel sick. I got a few ales to ease the pain, you know, avoid the sickness - just keep drinking to numb it.

Well, for the posterity, that's not always true. Least not with this tree bark crap they call 'ale'.

After I woke up, some councilwoman needed help finding a friend who did the absurd thing of walking into a portal in Dunwarren. Fool was my first thought. Course then I remembered that I did the same thing once. I gathered about nine people in my semi-drunk state. Though I'm pretty sure that no one knew I'd been drinking. And we headed out to this 'portal'. Keep in mind the last set of portals I explored were.....well.....not exactly what they claimed to be.

This one was only different in that it was known to be a trap. Lovely. The quest was tough. Chosen were all over and they have apparently found a way to remove enchantments from people. Quite a trick if you ask me. But that wasn't the big thing. We has a little halfling that about half way through started muttering doomsday predictions in the form of quotes and riddles. No one quite got it at, but for some reason, I.....knew.....what she meant. No one really wanted to listen to her, but she always seemed to be right when she'd say something. Creepy. Never met a soothsayer before. And everytime she said something it came true. Including waves of undead that often struck fear into our minds.

Then she went on about how mind flayers lived beneath the ruins we were in. That sent another person, a fighter named Quadra, over the edge. She instantly snapped. Her on-edge nature went from joyful to frightfull in nearly no time at all. I tried to calm her, but then the damn soothsayer used a Seeker scroll, yes I said SEEKER scroll, and suddenly we were under attack which snapped Quadra out of her 'fit'.

But the longer this search for this councilwomans friend continued, the more we sunk into madness.

The group became irritable and complacent. Things only got more complicated as many of us came close to death and our supplies became seriously scarce. To complicate matters we had neither found this lost person nor knew how to exit, or even where we were for that matter.

Dissention broke out in the group as people gave up on listening to me. Fueled by accusations of Quadra that I was tyranical in my leadership. I only wanted to make sure they were safe. If I said for them to stay put I was only trying to go forward and make sure that no suprises were waiting. I mean a single trap can take out two, three, even four people if it's strong enough and of the right kind.

Then of course I was accused of being a thief and liar. Didn't help that I got right back in her face and threatened her. But honestly, could she have picked a worse time to freak out and instigate anarchy? While we're lost, out numbered, weakened, and without supplies in ruins that no knew existed no less?

Seriously, could she have been a bigger pain to work with?

But alas there was an area of the ruins we had missed - a feeding pit. But our group was now split into two sections of the ruins and when i arrived I fell trough the doorway but exited. Of course Quadra runs in and doesn't tell any of us, including the other 2 right next to her, what she's doing.

When everyone arrives, what do we find in the room? A furious Quadra saying that the rats through the person we were looking for into a giant pit.

I threw my hands up. Quadra is a liability on a team. She cannot follow orders because her attention span is MUCH too short. How she has lived this long I have no idea.

Now I'm no military leader, but what I do know is that when there is a chain of command in place, in times of crisis and chaos, you have to stick to it or else people get hurt. Which many of us did and a mans life was lost in the process.

Day 41

I seriously believe the world is going mad. Partly because I am no writer yet here I am writing in this damned leather book more often than I updated my contracted castle schematics when I was on the surface.

I've lost a few friends. Several friends actually. I feel like the wind has been taken out of me. They say that sorrow is marked by denial then anger and finally acceptance. And though I still mourn my loss, with that pain goes part of my drive. My drive to be wreckless anyway.

Somehow I've focussed more clearly on survival. Carefully plotting my excursions and traveling companions. I've had too many attempts on my life. The most recent by the owner of the Pissing Crone, Cyrus.

That was quite a predicament. All I wanted was to sit at a table and the man attacked me. And it wasn't just him. When I stood up to defend myself, Quadra, of all people, jumped to his defense and stabbed me as well! I could have taken them, but then two others jumped in making it four against me! I left more than just a little pissed off to say the least.

Upon returning to the Rock Bottom, I tried to organize an expedition to free some slaves at a heavily fortified goblin fortress, only to have several of my journeymen and women conflict with each other. So I threw my hands up and said feck it. I'm tired of all this idiotic strife around me. It's pointless and petty to argue when someone elses lives are on the line. So I just left them to their own devices. It's no suprise that they spent more time trying to convince me to lead them when they in fact are very capable people and should be able to do it themselves. Yet no one stood up to the challenge. A pity really.

But yet the day was NOT done yet. There was an attack in the rooms of the inn and all of us rushed up to help. When we arrived, we saw Quadra standing outside the door guarding it. When Kara tried to open it, Quadra shut it. But inside were 3 banites and a woman on the floor. The Banites claimed they were attacked, and they may well have been, but this was a job for the watch to investigate.

Kara and I were able to push passed Quadra and tried to stop Praetorious and his company to stop. He threatened us, but his words were empty threats as he did nothing. What he said to that woman was more than likely a ploy to later convert her but at least on the surface he seemed willing to help her....despite his threat of death to her, which he probably would have enjoyed just as much.

I overheard much of what they said once I was in that room, and I disclosed the details to Kara. We'll see what happens next.

Also I have not seen a female friend of mine in quite a while. I'm beginning to worry about her. She has left for days before but this stretch is too long for even her. I have asked around, but no one seems to know what has happened. I can only assume that she is among the dead and that this rash of death lately is some dark ploy to get me to pick a fight or for my focus to falter. But I'm smarter than that. I see problems before they happen, that's what I was good at at one point. Lets just hope that my instincts only enhance my intellect instead of hindering it.

Day 53

It has been a long time since I opened this book. Seems like forever. Hells, forgot I had it for a while there.

Lots has happened. Casimir, my friend and co-founder of the Pathfinders is dead. Several of my druid friends have died during employment. A new Paladin named Arthan has showed up and seems destined for some kind of major conflict with someone, though I get the feeling he's not all goody goody as he seems.

And then there's Mylin. I've been friends with the house of light people for a while. Even was around when 3 of them died. Through this Kara and a couple of newcomers have seemed normal. Normal being not obsessed with their faith. But their leader has gone batty. Mylin accepted a challenge with some witchy woman. While she won, she's seemed to have been changed. Maybe it's because of the powers she had to draw upon to do the deed, but still.

Lets just hope that her youth doesn't get her killed before some sage wisdom saves her from her own rambunctiousness does.

And where has Caliira been. I saw her once briefly a few weeks ago, but nothing. Not even a mention of her. I have kept silent about her for fear she would be used against me, but it seems many of my enemies have either perished or forgotten their grudges against me. Still I miss her.

There is another hin around, named Meriam. She seems quite pleasant. I hope that she gets to meet Caliira........

I died a few days ago. Yep actually met Kelemvor himself. Course right as I was about to shake his hand - FOOMP!! Found my arse in the hold in Sanctuary. Apparently my friends decided it wasn't time for me to do a jig on the otherside yet. Hell sure would have been nice to see actual sunlight again! S'pose I can still find my way out of this 'dark.

*there are several lines scribbled out before he continues on the following page*

I seem to be losing my drive. Every day I wake up in the same inn, in the same bed, but it's not getting any more comfortable or familiar. And lets not forget the dreams. Dreams that I haven't had in a while. They used to clue me into my past. But ever since I was raised, I haven't had any.

They weren't pleasant, granted, but at least I knew what happened. Now I get nothing. Not even the pain. That's not bad, I guess, but I really was able to use it to keep moving, now I just sit around...........

Day 68

weeks, months, days, minutes, years. Who knows. My approximation in this journal of time is just that - a guess. Based on a clock and date system here that has to be fundamentally flawed as it's creators since slaves probably were not privvy to the correct date and time in the first place......alright this isnt' what I wanted to write about.

I've had some good fortune lately. Several regular jobs have come my way and i've found that some of my skills that I had forgotten are slowly coming back. I'm not master of the mechanical yet, but it feels good to have some of those old skills coming back.

I still have not heard from Caliira at all. Nor has anyone seen her in weeks. She is probably dead. Something I need to learn to accept in this place. Some people are lucky to know the fates of their loved ones, others, like that woman in the temple in lower, have no idea what happened to her mentor. I'm in the same position.

Meriam has been quite comforting and I've grown quite fond of her. She seems to follow me everywhere I go...even despite my tempermental nature. She's sweet. She's got as many people who want her dead as i do! I love it! Well not in that way, but you know what I mean.

Some other good news, Eowung and Chell were both raised by the apparently NOT dead Shadilla. Good news there.

Sadly all my entries aren't really complete without some serious bullshit. This starts with a friend who literally lured us all into a room and then turned into a demon and would have killed us all had his demonflesh or spell or whatever have worn off. Sadly though, his fate was quite horrific as all of us defended ourselves.

Sometimes I'm not so much worried about the drow as I am our own friends finally snapping and using darker arts than even the drow would dare use........

Day 107

It has been a very long time since I updated this journal as I look back on previous entries. So should quickly sum it up I suppose. I have lost complete track of time. I only use teh date above as an approximation based on the number of sleep cycles I've taken and the distance my head from the memories of the last entry.

Much has happened. Caliira appears to be gone for good as no one's seen her for months, and though I hope for her safety, I have found seeminly permanent comfort in Meriam Mayna.

At first I was afraid to get close to her. Don't want too much to distract me from trying to live long enough to find a way out of here. Women just tie a person down. Least that's what i used to think.

I found out how strongly I felt for her when she and I were attacked in the mines by a drow and his goblin servant. She was brutally mutilated, a thought that still haunts me today. Almost gives me the chills every time I hear about what was done to her. I had been left for dead......a mistake by the assassins. Never leave survivors. Always be thorough with things. That's just a general rule. Guess this drow aint as smart as the thinks.

I found Meriams body based soley on instinct, something I've learned to rely on repeatedly with much success. Though this time, it was more than just instinct, something drew me to her. I could feel her essence......don't know how, but I found her headless body and carried it back to the hold.

I was able to raise money to bring her back and I wept for days. The pain of her death still fresh, the joy of seeing her alive, a reversal that through me into a tizzy. I didn't know what way was up. She was alive, but things weren't the same.

I changed.

She changed.

We had changed.

All I could think about is revenge. The thought of putting an arrow from Meriams bow that I found into their heads made my giggle with delight. I obssessed about training. I learned how to track people. I learned how to use shields. I learned many new other tricks.

All because I wanted to kill. And I feel good about that.

*filling the remainder of the page are various crudely drawn images of a halfling stabbing a goblin and drow repeatedly with an arrow....drops of real blood were used to colorize the blood pool beneath the victims*

Day 133

Again with a major lapse in my entries. I should get back on a schedule for these. Especially since things seem to be changing for the better.

The rage I have felt over meriams death has calmed some in the last month or so. The sheer lust for blood still remains, but is no longer a raw barbaric form. I feel......like an avenger. I just need to wait for the right moment. I'm a smart guy, I can outwit these two assassins. After all their tactics seem simple: stealth and strike.

Since the days of Meriams ressurection, we have become much closer a couple -- complete with arguments and so on. Her trust in the Banites that populate the Spellguard bugs the shit out of me.

Thankfully they've all been hidden away in that damned tower and I rarely have to see them.

Meriam's been acting weird lately. Constantly asking me what I think about 'us'. Doesn't she just get it that I care? why else would I have found her body and brought her back.

I've become quite proficient with the new skills I've learned. Oddly, in this training, some of my erased memories came back as well. I'm now able to set traps up where as before I just couldn't remember how.

This would indicate that whatever the flayers did to me that wiped my memory of my slavehood, also removed other memories as well, something that would indicate either a lack of control over this ability or a deliberate erasure of skills that could be used against them.

On a related topic, I've had fewer and fewer 'daymares' - violent re-establishments of memories that were removed by the flayers, often times causing me to act .......dangerously. Instead of daymares, my flashbacks have been in the form of technical knowledge.

Though for some reason, I keep feeling this is the calm midstorm.

Day 141

I'm getting better at this journal thing again I think. Not much of a writer. Can draw out a boat design on parchment in a couple hours, but damned if I can't organize a historical record of my life in anything less than half a day.

so....todays...happenings.....well.......

I found out why Meriam kept pressing me about 'us'. She....well.....wanted to have love made to her.

Which let me tell you, I didn't waste any time in doing once i had her permission. And damn was she aggressive. Most intense Hin I've ever been with. She's half my age and got all the fire in her blood to prove it!

But enough about that, don't want to ruin her honor and all should anyone read this, but that's pretty much all I wanted to document.

Day 150

Jake is back.

I met him not long after Meriam was killed. He was supposed to sell me a special mace that was stolen from me by someone. But then he vanished.

It wasn't till recently that I found out that he had been visiting the other cities in the area and that he had been banished from the city by the council.

He's back, and today he lead a group on a trip to the surface supposedly. I looked everywhere for Meriam. This was our chance. She has been talking about children ever since we first made love. But I don't want to raise them here. Here was our chance to live out our lives on the surface.

Our only chance so far, and she's nowhere to be found.

I went with Frubo, a trusted hin mage friend of mine and we followed the expedition to a boat behind fort mur. This was the point of no return for Frubo and I, as the boat was going to drop us off and make us swim to shore......even if I wanted to come back I probably couldn't make the swim back. We turned back. Watched the others sail off into the darkness. Watched our hope sail off into the distance.

When we returned, I felt resolve, determination, motivation. Several hours later I saw meriam. I fell in love with her all over again with the prospect of knowing there -is- a way home. A way to live a life with her forever.

I asked her to marry me on the spot.

Day 151

Zau will die in half a week.

He's too predictable. He'll never see this coming. His own patternistic ways will be his fatal flaw.

For months I've watched him and heard the stories of how he operates. Studying his in-town movements as well as his little goblin bastards.

Despite the ire of mystery around them, they're very predictable.

For example, Zau always attends the executions of his fellow associates. Additionally, he always attends major events that happen to the city.

Basically he becomes present any time there a large gathering of people is planned.

This weakness of his will be his downfall. I have arranged a town Ball to happen. Innocent, harmless fun. Or so everyone thinks. I've posted notices all over lower and on the doors leading to Sewertown, which is where i believe he frequents because of Squeagle.

Again, Zau will show up because of the group of people, but this time he'll be out of his element. I've arranged for extra security. Obviously, but what he doesn't know, is that I've also personally requested the Watches finest in person to attend - Cail Durris, Bungo Taddle, Salina Marshall and Aristotle. Considering Zau knows how lazy the Watch typically is, he'll arrive invisible as always, feeling safe. But the vigilance of the aforementioned Watchmen and woman will be what he will underestimate. He will be feeling strong as he's made public appearances like this dozens of times before.

I can only laugh now as I know his downfall will be attributed to my careful planning. And Squeagle will be with him! The day of the Ball will be a sweet day indeed when both of them die!

Day 155

Today was the Ball and as I planned Zau, the moron, showed up as planned! And Cail spotted him in the enclosed space of the town hall and he and Bungo brought that bitch of a drow to his bitter end!

I knew he would be dumb enough to show up. Never, ever, go up against an intelligent hin, especially after you motivate him towards revenge by killing his beloved.

Sadly though Squeagle wasn't spotted and thus is still at large. But still Zau is now dead and thankfully so. Meriam will be glad to hear that she can sleep easier.

Aside from the obvious victory today over an evil person, the Ball was a success. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Even the really drunk guy who kept yelling.

I kinda enjoyed planning it, it felt invigorating, despite the fact that it was simply an elaborate trap for Zau. And it was only spoiled by some stranger that showed up and summoned giant slime cubes that attacked adn then flooded the entire hall with seweage and slime.

The man escaped, but at least no one was hurt too severely, though several were paralyzed from being engulfed in the slime. Though the council is probably never going to hold an event like that after the slime flooded the entire building. HA! the entire government shut down. Even the Herald left!

Still, I feel a great weight lifted from my shoulders knowing that the ochestrator of so much death is gone and that for the most part, the town got to have one night of pure bliss while we're all stuck in basically a mortal version of one of the nine hells.

Day 161

Frubo a mage friend of mine is helping me explore the possibility of a rumor of 9 runes that can be used to open a portal that supposedly leads to the surface.

Though I'm no arcanist, I've been through enough portals to know that they're powerful things and can send a person to lots of far away places.

It's only a matter of time before Meriam starts asking me about the details of the wedding that we still need to plan. But I'm deliberately holding off to see if this rune theory holds up and perhaps we can have the ceremony in our homelands.

I've also shown Frubo the note that was willed to me before a friend of mine left. We both think it's worth investigating and for a time Frubo had managed to get a Spellguard key, but it was taken from him so we'll have to wait to find another opportunity as my lock picking skills can only take us so far into that tower.

Day 165

It has been quiet lately. Which is unusual for this city. Normally I wouldn't pay any attention to such silence, but for some reason I get this uneasy feeling that something is not right.

It's times like these that the anxiety of not knowing whats coming is nearly as bad as finding out.

Day 167

Should anyone read this, you should take note of this entry in particular.

----White Dragons are VERY dangerous to ones health-----

I have fought one and lived...though it did as well. Mainly because my bolts couldn't peirce it. I wasn't alone. There were several others with me and they fared no better against it.

In the battle we fled as the beast breathed frigid air on us, chilling us to the bone.

I tried to run, but the icy cavern we were in was slippery and I fell. I tried to get to my feet, but not before the dragon took a clawed finger, and with a simple flick, hurled me hundreds of meters across the cave and smack against a wall.

When I woke up, I was covered in snow and ice, disoriented and cold. Worse yet - I was alone.

I dug myself out of the pile of cold only to find myself facing an ice bird of sorts. I fumbled through my pack for a concealment potion and was in the midst of drinking it when it struck!

With a wave of its hands, a burst of arctic air enveloped me and rendered me immobile and unconcious.

I don't know how long I've laid there, my skin cracked from the cold and my blood oozing out only to freeze solid upon contact with the ice covered cavern floor. I feel my life slipping from me. I am going to die in this cave, alone, and meriam will never know what happened to me. I would cry, but my eyes were frozen shut from the blood running down my face.

I hear footsteps and I know I am dead for sure. The master of the ice bird has come to examine it's puppets find and finish me off.

I'll say a quick thanks to the fates for allowing Meriam to warm my heart for as long as she had. I love her and would loved to have had children with her once we were married, but all that is gone. This is the end........

Day 167 and 168

.....I am not dead. At least not yet. The footsteps were not of another foul beast, but rather of my good friend Grey Jenkins. He had cloaked himself in invisibility and was able to apply a magical remedy to my frozen skin.

Once we had snuck away from the ice bird we tried to locate the rest of our journeymen, but they were nowhere to be found save for Rollo which Grey held in his arms.

Wisely we headed for the portal that took us to this frozen land only to find it blocked by the White Dragon that I wrote of earlier. To complicate matters, our petty concealments were no match for the wisdom and age of this beast.

Grey promply dropped Rollos body as we both fled for our lives and got separated in the proccess. I heard some loud noise from the other side fo the cavern as I watched massive stone spires rise through a pit of fire releasing some demon looking woman.

The dragon seemed fascinated by it and the demon woman quickly attacked the Dragon for whatever reason to her own detriment.

Grey rushed past me and grabbed Rollo's body and dashed through the portal. Sadly, I wasn't so lucky - the dragon still stood between myself and the portal. I had only this one chance though while it was distracted.

I sprinted towards the beast with all the speed I could muster when suddenly it spotted me!!

I quickly dove to the gound and slid along the icy floor between it's legs and past it's tail and tumbling ungracefully down an incline into a ravine. The Dragon glared at me with its frosty eyes and began walking towards me as I struggled to get to my feet.

It beared down on me, its nostrils dripping of frozen gasses within. Slowly it lowered it's head towards me, eyes locked on my predicament.

Slipping on the ice, I barely got to my feet, just as it took a deep breath, winding up for a blast of surely the coldest air ever felt by a mortal.

Then it winced in pain! Roaring loud enough to shake the ceiling of the cavern. It turned, revealing the demon womans long claws deep in the scales of the mighty reptile.

With a display of might, it unleashed it's icy breath on the demon freezing her solid. Then with a powerful swipe of it's tail, smashed her to thousands of pieces.

Quickly I used my dagger to dig into the ice wall behind me, clawing my way to my feet. And without hesitation raced for the portal.

The Dragon was no fool and quickly turned back to me and took another deep inhale.

I dove through the portal feeling it's power collapse and fade around me as the icy breath chased me across the magic gateway. I shot out on the otherside as the portal condensed and vanished, leaving only myself lying on the ground covered in a layer of frost.

My traveling companions who apparently were still alive and waiting outside the portal, stared wide-eyed at me, dumbstruck at my survival - which, considering the circumstances, I can't say that I blame them for.

Day 178

10 days since my encounter with the dragon. My faith had been wavering. I really had lost my motivation.....until today.

I had in my hand some very rare gems. Not rare on the surface, but rare for certain down here. Then with some special bolts that I had in my pack, I went to the forge and got it made.

Finally, what I was hoping for is made. The dwarf had a steep price, but......it was very worth it.

I'm going to refrain from work for a bit so I don't risk losing it, right now it's the most important thing I own.......ever.

Day 189

It's happened again. But this time in front of Meriam and some dwarf named Maldure.

Ann was there....in my head anyway. I saw her head ripped open again. I saw the squid heads eat her brains while she still looked at me as I was held in place.

But this time it was more real, I could feel the blood of them running over my hands when I ripped them apart with the savage knife they used to cut her open. I could hear their thoughts.

When I woke up though.....something was very wrong. I could hear meriams and Maldure's thoughts in my head....faint and fading fast, but I could hear them.

I have no idea what happened......I keep thinking that the ranger training with Kain all that time ago is coming back and manifesting itself in an odd way.

I can't seem to communicate with animals, but I seem to have an intuition with people....maybe this is an extension of that.

I don't know, I have such a headache...I need to figure out this confusion. Something in these dark depths is still screwing with my head.

Day 189

In all the chaos I nearly forgot this very important event. I finally found a suitable gem and silver to make a proper engagement ring for Meriam.

I was able to get one of the miners to forge me the band from some silver bolts that I found on a dead troll. I was so thrilled that he was even able to make an inscription on it that was special to meriam.

When I gave it to her the look in her eye told me once again that she was the one for me. I can't say just how much it made me smile

*a blank space is left for no apparent reason*

Now if I can just figure out what that spellguard machine below the tower does to disrupt portals, I can get us out of here and have a proper wedding on the surface.

Day 194

I can't believe it.....I really can't.

She gave it back to me yesterday. She told me.....*the writing deteriorates to indescript scribbles*

It's to hard to think about. I can't help who I am or what was done to me. My skills to communicate with animals seem to have gone backwards. And what's left of my elven blood........

I know I can have children...the blood is too thin to matter.

*several lines of attempted thoughts are scribbled out*

This I can do to refocus my efforts........it is the end of the attempts, it is time for success.

Day 207

Nearly two weeks has passed. A bloody ass war ripped the city in half and I barely noticed. Ok that's not true, I noticed, I just didn't want to be involved. Not like any of the groups fighting were really favored by me.

Meriam has disappeared and I aint seen Bungo in a while either. Probably off at the mushroom avoiding the hard things in life as usual.

Went to lower for that summit of the gangs. Didn't get in, but my back up was there and was able to get in without an issue. Sometimes people who skirt the law really should pay more attention to those not talking than those who are......it's called 'being distracted'. Morons.

Doesn't matter either way I suppose, I haven't had many jobs lately as most seem to be in lower and heading down there has been increasingly annoying.

I've seen a few places people who've developed various ways to lower. There's a Gnome that has a portal to Lower just outside the gates....and I've seen a watchman guarding a lift near where the demolished stairs used to be, but those both seem to be one-way trips.

I'm beginning to get used to Meriam not being around. It's actualy kind of nice. No pressure. No complaints. Just me and my thoughts and where ever the wind carries me. Not that there's a bloody gust of wind in this entire Underdark at all, but anyway.

I need to continue with my designs for the gate to Upper and I need to find a way to easily transport food and supplies to lower. I think a transport system that is two way would be best. One that could also hold raw building materials would be even better.

Hmm....I need to spend more time designing such a rig.

Day 209

I can't believe what I found! The armory I found contained not one or two or three, but TWENTY-EIGHT experimental animatrons! This truly was the find of a lifetime! This had to have been either the birthplace or original storage facility of the Green Animatron that's been seen in the city.

The spellguard probably would pay handsomely for these machines seening as they're all truly unique. I know none of them have the skill to disable the armory's defenses, so if they want those machines they'll have to get my aid in getting around the security. Also, of the many layers of security I believe I have figured out all but 1 of those measures. Now if I could only find a mage cryptologist........

I degress, I figure 500 coins per animatron should be sufficient from the spellguard for my efforts of showing them where it is located.

I have much work to do if I am to return to that location again.

*below is a checklist of things needed to return*

Specialty bolts and arrows Silver Cats Grace potions special key two flasks of wine a trapsman two arcanists: summoner, evoker an orog forged amulet several scrolls of summoning fireball necklace

these all should be fairly easy to obtain. I plan on making another expedition soon.

Day 227

I have not updated this in quite a while, I'll be brief. I witnessed Baldev Cole murder a dwarf not long ago at the command of melrick. But apparently all of House Toboerski is dead so I guess it really doesn't matter any longer.

I have made several attepts to reach the Dunwarren Armory again, but each group seems unable to handle the Chosen. Are there no competent people in this town besides myself?

Meriam is scarce these days. Suppose that's for the better. When it's time for me to leave this place, it will be easier if i am not thinking about her. Though I must admit it still pains me to look at her when I do see her from time to time.

My dreams from the damage the illithids did seem to have subsided for now. Though I have no doubt that they'll surface again when the time is most inopportune. I must visit this Intryzz to see if he has any insight as to what was done to me.

More on the Dunwarren armory. Operative Delgado spoke with me. Though he seems just as shady and rushed as the other spellguards when I talk of the armory. I have a feeling that they have no clue as to what I'm talking about. I need to raid their library and get information they have on this armory and it's runes. On this topic, Marvolo will help, though he's not been seen in some time.

Lord Bungee had a birthday party, it was a lot of fun till I had to lay out about 8 hobgoblins that showed up uninvited. Sounds like that green fellow that came to the Ball.....I still get a kick out of the town hall being filled with ooze that night.

Day 243

This journal is becoming larger than I thought it would. I've never been one to keep such a thing. I suppose I'll have to find some time to rebind this book to accomodate for the additional pages.

still...

These last two weeks have been quite eventful. I've not seen meriam hardly at all. Something that I am quite glad about. She would have been a distraction from my work. She never understood how hard I work.

...work....my old work. I miss it. I remember once I was contracted to construct Duke Windhams royal yacht. Finest ship I ever designed. I even found a way to pump sea water directly into the Dukes private bath and warm it along the way. Definitely one of my favorite features.

Work....that's where I found myself at home....and so I found myself feeling at home when I took a small group into the Armory again this week. With the careful help of my companions, I was able to further my research and I fully believe that I now have enough knowledge to assemble a proper team to finally unlock the final chamber of the Armory. I used many supplies and Grey has offered an alternative route to the armory that will spare many lives since we no longer will have to fight the chosen along his path to the Armory.

*several lines are scribbled out before the author finally seems to give up*

Day 243 *more*

*the author, apparently in a different mood as evident by a slight change in the handwriting and tone, decided to continue his previous entry*

I was the only survivor.

Nearly.....

There were 10 of us. We had a simple task - kill the necromancer.

The sand caverns are only scary to those who've not traveled them alone. I have. But even I know that they are still dangerous.

The Beholders......bodaks....minotuars. They cut through them.

3 days ago we were there. I watched as brave warrior after brave traveler fell. I stood alone in pulling their bodies to the safety of 'his' old camp. Slowly they came to or woke as I revived them. But.....it was still an unsettling feeling.

I still can't shake it. It's taken me all day just to figure out what to say in this book about it.

We failed.....the necromancer is too strong. And the druids we found seemed to be mad and we spent ages fending off beholders and illithids in Breens old sanctuary. We must have spent at least 2 days in that chamber - the 6 of us. The others dead or missing.

I have to shut this out.....

*there are several words on the next line, but none are legible.*

Day 244

*written in a more steady hand then the previous entry*

I still think about her. I can't remember her name or how I know her....only the look on her face as they chewed on her.

The look as she begged them to take her instead of me.

It could have been me they 'savored'. Damn it! All this time and I'm still no closer to knowing why I keep remembering her!

Was she a lover? a friend? my wife? just another thrall? Bah! I hate having memory fragments. Honestly, I really wish I could trust Intryzz enough to let him free my mind from these memory blockades.

Half of me says to let it be, that the memories are probably more gruesome and wicked than anything ever. The other half wants to know the truth - like seeking knowledge to better myself. This argument will toss back and forth in my mind for days on end. At times I can barely function, barely focus on anything short of pure revenge and hatred.

Other times I want nothing than to become perpetually distracted with the goings on in this city, my 10th hell.

I really want to know why the only memories that have fought through the illithid memory block are of this woman. Over and over. Only her. I know there must be more to it, but why do I see her face?

Hopefully, one day, I'll have an answer.

Day 247

I dreamt of her again. Her name was Anna. It was nice to have a memory of her that was peaceful, instead of carnage-ridden.

It was only a few seconds I saw. She was smiling at me, we were outdoors someplace. And then she whispered into my ear playfully,

"I'm Anna Westwind"

Day 248

Eventful to say the least. A group of seekers and I intercepted a group of drow and fishmen in two different locations. Both groups had recently bought slaves from Fort Mur. I went on the boat to ambush the fishmen and what a fight that was.

I got hurled clean across the room and was knocked out, a few seconds later I was woken up just in time to see a spear plunging through me. If I hadn't had that pronged mace still in my hand block and the dagger to stab that fish bastard through the neck, i'd have been fish food.

The fight left me greatly wounded, poisoned and with some kind of sea hex on my soul which slowly sucked my cohesion on this realm away.

.....and I smelled like dead fish...

but the slaves were freed and all is well.

*several lines are skipped as the author obviously is shifting subjects*

That new hin lass is getting on my damned last nerve. First she's all friendly to me and giddy, then she wont come near me since she thinks I'm going to kill her for some reason, then she defendes a goblin's right to live! Of all things for her to defend, she picks a rothing goblin.

A ROTHING GOBLIN! Rothing green shits with legs should be cut down on sight, not pitied. But this one's different....don't know how. Don't care much neither. He claims, and oddly genuinely too, seems like he wants to co-exist. But then that crazy hin woman tells me it tried to kill about 8 folks with a fireball when fending of another wave of undead in dunwarren.

I'll have a talk with him when I see him next.....a talk involving my mace and his face.

Day 248

It's rare I write in this thing more than once at a time, but I've been making a habit of it lately apparently.....

oh well. In this time I've had to sit at the Lower gate that the Orogs went through a lot of effort to try and storm, I've started thinking.

Since I've been here 4 things have motivated me the most: Getting home, restoring my memory, killing goblins where ever they stand, and even....love at some point -- in that order.

Yes I was in love with Meriam and, apparently, Anna. It's strange, I all I have is a fleeting glimpse of Anna, most of which involves her death, in my memory, but I still can't help this feeling..... ....I'm falling for a woman I can't remember even meeting, and apparently couldn't stop from being killed.

I guess one would think I would be overwhelmed by grief and regret about it, but for some reason I dont. I feel a sense of renewal and hope. Like I'm meeting her for the first time or something.

Maybe my memory -is- coming back, but just not in the form of sights and sounds, facts or figures, but of feelings and emotions.

gah....this is why I prefer logistics.....easier to put into concrete numbers.

Day 252

*the first few words are simply obscenities in Hinnish*

I really hate spiders. Went with some folks into an Ettercap warren and was ambushed by several of them while I was disabling a trap.

I don't remember much after seeing them rush for me save for feeling poison being stabbed into me from behind. I guess that was a good thing in the end, as it kept me from suffering from the rest of the pain of the wounds.

When I woke up, I couldn't hold my hand as steady as I could the day before. I just need to get out there and practice some more and I'll get back to my old self again.

on an unrelated note.....

I've seen quite a few new halfings about town.....among an increasingly large group of newcomers. I'm kinda glad to see fresh faces. Don't know why, maybe its because that's what it was like in Urmn, my hometown.

Calimsham was such a big city that Urmn was really overlooked a lot, despite that most of the craftsmen lived in or around Urmn. We'd see all kinds of new folks, mostly sailors ported in Calimsham while they loaded and unloaded goods. During long transfers they'd wander further away from the city, so the town always had new faces.

Among these newcomers is a kind of annoying Hin named Saroki. She seems altruistic. That's probably because she's new and hasn't experienced the evils in this town the same way I have. She's got a knack for those tarrot cards though, seems to see things others dont. Lets hope she keeps those thoughts to herself though, could get her killed around here.

Well I should end this entry, I've got my expedition back into Dunwarren coming up soon. Hopefully this will be the last one, but with my injuries, I don't know if it will be.

Day 253

Well today was a messed up day. I finally led my expedition, my final expedition hopefully, to the Dunwarren Armory.

The resistance of Chosen was fierce, they obviously didn't want us there.

*several lines of unreadable text lay next*

I can't write about this now.........