Stacy,
I have read every issue of your paper. I must say first off, that it is good to see a person take charge of keeping the rest of the city informed. However, your spelling and grammar can only be described as terrible. For this reason, I offer my services to edit your paper. I may even be willing to set aside a small portion of my own personal fortune to set you up in a proper office, likely in the Grotto.
In return for this, I would require final approval of any story you wish to put out, and all revenue from the ad space I plan to sell. Below I have taken it upon myself to edit your most recent publication as an example of the manner of service I intend to provide. And yes, I know Advertising is mispelled, didn't catch it until the print was already pressed. You may reach me anytime at the Archibald Estate.
-Ambassador Rook