Goblin Infestation Threatens Sanctuary
While many are afraid that large numbers of goblins could inundate our idyllic homes, there is a far more sinister truth to be uncovered by our daring hero-adventurer Shamus Quidnunc who brings you now the truth like no other truth brought to you by a truth seeker after truth!
Tipped off by alert adventurers ever curious about the curious fact that these poor goblins always have gold coins on hand; far more than they can ever gather through beggery or stew sales. And just why is this goblin always hungry, even when he's being handed more rats a day than lice on this head?
The wretched reality recently revealed is that Gobbler is infected with a diretape worm! Measuring over six feet in length, these massive food sucking parasitic tubes can consume over sixty pounds of meat a day. Lesser loremasters would blame the diretape worm on poor goblin hygeine.
But no! Not Shamus Quidnunc whose steady gaze pierces every mystery and falsehood. Poor hygeine doesn't explain the goblins wealth, far more than they obtain from stew sales! The gold it has been discovered comes from no other than Councilor Bhast.
Yes, Gobbler was infected with this diretapeworm by the Councilor himself, who demands a steady stream of secret reports from Gobbler. In exchange, the Councilor gives the goblin just enough gold to pay for the rats he desperately requires to remain alive or else the dire tape worm will eat him from the inside out.
Yet why is Bhast; one of the most corrupt elements of an already corrupt Council seeking information taken from a goblin? A brief examination of Gobbler's latest report reveals the truth.
"Ugly humans git in sewers kill big rats.Ugly dwarfs git in sewers kill big rats.
Halfling, ugly ugly tradz four juicy rats from sewer.
Dat ding you saiz to watch for, it moving in sewer again only dis time it et up dat adamananatianaima---real hard metal seal on it prison. I dink it escaped now.
Ugly gnome trade big juicy rats.
Lot of uglies go to "sewer town" having secret meetings."
Yes, clearly Bhast is obtainin information on the "ugliness" within Sanctuary. This may seem strange only until our readers realize what Shamus Quidnunc quickly discovered; Bhast is truly a polymorphed nymph priestess of Sune that was driven mad by her experiences in the Underdark.
Now she exists solely to locate the ugliest people in Sanctuary, who are then polymorphed into the very rats that flood the sewers! These rats are then captured by other adventurers who then trade them to Gobbler to feed his ever starving tape worm!
Sanctuary must be warned, only by purchasing exotic and beautiful Ghail clothing, jewelry, and perfumes can you possibly hope to not be mistaken for the ugliest citizen in Sanctuary. Your life now depends on it until someone stops Bhast; the polymorphed nymph priestess of Sune!