This greasy, stained piece of parchment is folded haphazardly, and judging by the way the margins are poorly cut, one could think it was simply ripped off a large notice. Pieces of chickenbeetle gather at the folds, as if the writer had been eating while writing the letter. Despite this, the penmanship is that of someone used to writing, crisp and clear.
Mr. Doors,
I seek permanent employment as a member of your fine establishment's staff. I'm the rotund fellow known as Rodion, Rodka to those familiar with me.
Though I wouldn't consider myself much of a bouncer, I can act in that capacity. It's as a master of ceremonies, organizing weekly events to improve your already booming business that I would be most suited. I have a few interesting ideas for fisticuff events and other interesting games and fun times.
Please reply at your earliest convenience. I stay at one of your fine rooms, if I'm not busy drooling myself to sleep on one of your fine tables, after digesting one of your fine spirits!
With nothing further,
R. Raskholnikov