Just some thoughtful tips for how to enjoy yourself on this server.
Try not to get too worried about anything. As they say, "Don't sweat the small stuff: everything is the small stuff." This is more easily said than done, but it is worth making the effort.
Death is particularly frustrating for many players. There are tangible things that can be done to reduce the amount you will die. Some of these are mechanical (understanding the importance of maintaining full health, traveling well supplied, knowing in which situations to try to increase your AC, whatever), some of this has to do with getting involved in a group that looks out for each other, some of this has to do with builds (it's a great and wonderful challenge to try to play something more fragile, but if you truly can't stand dying, I personally have no problem with coming up with a concept for a PC that is a little sturdier i.e. any character that just happens to use a shield - that isn't to say I encourage min-maxing, it is unnecessary and often counterproductive as having any one extremely low stat in EfU is an absolute liability).
Despite all this, pretty much everyone will die from time to time. With time, these deaths will be less frustrating. But if you are feeling major frustration, my best advice is to get raised/respawn, and just log of. Go do some exercise, watch a funny movie, do anything else other than this silly game, and you will feel better. And when you come back, you'll have a PC waiting for you to continue playing if you choose to do so.
Dying to PvP is particularly complicated, because in most cases you have lost the PC permanently. If the death was inappropriate, contact a DM, but if it was basically appropriate, again I suggest just logging off and leaving it alone for a day or two. You will feel better, I promise, and remember the good times of the PC you had, and be less worried about what may have been an unsatisfactory end.
PvP is an important part of this server. In terms of your OOC attitude towards it, be balanced. Don't fear it OOC'ly, but don't unduly rush towards it either. Likewise with subdual/FD. Sometimes the hero will kill the villain, sometimes the other way around. More often it will be one character killing another, with both characters having a little hero and a little villain in them. A long-term rivalry is a fun for characters to engage in, but I do wish to stress that death and murder and the execution of your enemies is a fun, exciting part of the EfU experience. If you do not enjoy PvP, try to give it a chance. If you do not think you are good at PvP, I promise that anyone can become reasonably good at it.
Have fun with scripted quests. NWN is a video game, and for most people killing monsters while role-playing is fun. Get a group together and go tackle the tougher stuff. Bring new people along. Try to avoid endlessly repeating the same small selection of quests, but make a point to head out and tackle the tough stuff. If you're in a faction or group, get good at questing together, share supplies to ensure everyone survives, and the quests that seem impossible will soon seem easy (although there will probably always be quests that seem hard). Of course, it's worth noting that exclusivity is a recipe for disaster and burn-out.
Try to find a good ending for your character. This may mean escaping from the Underdark, or failing. This may mean dying to PvP. This may mean execution, or dying to defend the city, or something particularly memorable or comical or awesome, but try to keep an eye out for the awesome death your awesome character deserves.
Play interesting characters. Embrace rich, interesting, memorable characterization that inspires emotion in other players/characters (hatred, fear, love, amusement, admiration, whatever).
Play characters with goals. Try to have something your character is working towards, even if the goal is impossible. When you are losing interest in a character, try to creatively come up with new and interesting ways to pursue these goals.
Try to develop IC allies and try to develop IC enemies. Both are important. If you can't think of a single enemy your character has, you are probably not having as much fun as you could be.
Become familiar with IRC, but use it with care. It is a good way to communicate with the DM staff when necessary, and a fine way to get to know the rest of the playerbase to a degree. That said, a lot of stupid crap is spouted on IRC and 90% of it is just worthless. It's a resource, but an imperfect one.
Along that line, be suspicious of anything anyone tells you OOC. OOC rumors about other players, characters, Dms, events, whatever are often terribly biased or flat out wrong. If you really want to know something, go to the source. Don't get suckered into OOC hate-train-rants. Lots of things are imperfect about EfU, but I've never really seen insidious, negative gossip be anything but unnecessarily harmful to everyone involved.
If you have a major problem, or question, don't hesitate to contact the DM staff through e-mail. If you are upset about something that happened, we are not going to think worse of you for wording a polite e-mail addressing the issue. We as a DM team need feedback in order to improve and understand when we make mistakes, and we are also reliant on players to police themselves and bring situations to our attention when there is a problem.
Trust me on this one, the DM team means well and tries very hard to be fair. I am sincere about that.
Be creative and make your own fun, don't be reliant on DMs. We do not have the energy to run EfU like a PnP campaign. You are unlikely to get constant Dm attention, no matter how much you deserve it. The way to prosper is to have fun on the server without the Dms, and -then- have additional fun if they show up. It is worth noting that many of our current Dms who were once successful players were invited to become DMs because they were particularly successful at being awesome on the server without the assistance or aid of DMs.
Become attached to a group (ideally, an inclusive one). Groups are fun. Groups attract more Dm attention than an individual PC will. Groups are good at engaging in long-running conflict with other groups. Groups are good in so many I can't mention them all here.
Don't cheat: you will get caught. Gold transfering, loot transfering, OOC PvP coordination, metagaming, sending IC info through tells, logging off to avoid death, or other deliberate exploitation of stuff is not a good thing to do. These actions do harm the server, and harm the fun of other people who play here. What does it say about your own personal character if you're going to cheat on a video game? It is disrespectful to the DM staff (your hosts) who go to such efforts to provide a good experience for our guests, and it is disrespectful to your fellow players. You will also get caught, eventually. We have a DM who enjoys few things more than scripting new, complicated systems for detecting abuse, and going through logs and banning people. Just please make everyone's life easier and don't cheat on EfU.
Be generous with your EfU time, as I do believe it is an excellent thing and far better than many other hobbies out there. The more you put into the server, the more you will likely get out of it. You will have your dull days, but when EfU is at its best it is very good indeed. That said, remember that it is just one (small) part of your life, and keep it in balance with your other priorities, obligations, and aspects of your life. Enjoy yourself.
EDITED ADDITION
Rocking Out Without Us
For them, my best advice if they want to recapture the awesome is to temper their expectations (you are not going to get the mood you had in alpha where a DM was constantly looking over your shoulder 24 hours a day), and say to hell with the DMs and be awesome without us. If you're really so talented, then prove us wrong and do what you need to do without us. Make your own fun. Create your own stories. Do your own thing, figure out what you enjoy, and do it.
And if there's something out there that really needs a DM, make it so we practically can't say no. If you really want a DM for your fun, make it happen. Like so -
You like to go on long, epic DM quests with tons of puzzles and challenges? Put together an amazing adventuring party chock full of interesting characters and go on SoO's Tomb of Doom quest. He's been waiting for a group of PCs to solve it forever, and the loot is better than any other loot that's been made in the history of EfU.
You like to chill out and BS with NPCs in taverns? Organize a story-telling event a couple days in advance, check with our DM staff of 10+ active Dms, and try to make sure at least one can make it. Challenge Glorblor to tell a story. Be creative and fun, and make the DM want to roleplay with you, not just feel obligated to.
You want to enact sweeping, political changes to Sanctuary? Recruit a couple of PCs, pull together some kind of political party, get them all to appeal to different demographics, take over a majority of the Council. Recruit Pcs in the Watch to your side to convince Azzam not to be too tough on you. Vote and pass whatever you want. Be awesome and creative and dynamic.
You want to be a great hero, a titanic force for good? Identify evil groups (PC and NPC). Recruit PCs to your side. Be smart and inspiring and legitimately good. Spend the effort to figure out how your enemy can be defeated, and do it. Maybe you'll fail, but anything can certainly be done, and the journey is fun either way.
You want to be a great villain, feared and hated? Figure out some kind of goal or theme, bring other PCs to your side, and go for it. There is nothing quite like a big PC villain for focusing the playerbase on the RP that EfU is about, in my opinion.
You want to solve large, DM-based meta plots? Keep your eyes open. Maybe all these old phoenix scales floating around are of some significance? They are out there for the taking.
You want to become the ultimate spy-master, aware of everything that goes on in town? Get good at persuasion, get people to trust you, recruit other spies to your side, etc.
You want to become wealthier than any other character? Become a merchant. Buy low, sell higher. Don't peddle junk, but actually make an effort to stay in stock with merchandise that PCs actually want and need. Pay guards to protect you, make deals, get underlings.
You want to claim territory? Go out, and claim it. Get other PCs to back your words. Be able to actually hold the territory IG. After a while make a post on the module change thread indicating what changes you've made to the area.
You want to become a famous, daring adventurer? Go out, adventure. Form an adventuring alliance. Go on the harder/more rewarding quests. Try new stuff, and take other PCs with you. Get good at it - teach other PCs how to share supplies, fight as a team, handle the challenges that await them. Make it public, prominent, inclusive, creative, and fun.
You like to explore, and like it even more when a DM spices your exploration? Take other PCs out with you. Publicize your efforts. Have a purpose or mission. Maybe you are doing a botanical survey of zurkhwood plants. Maybe you are searching for the mythical Deep Lurkers and its valuable spikes. Maybe you are offering UD safari tours, or searching for lost ruins. Maybe you are just going out on camping trips to tell stories around campfires. Don't just go out and hope for a DM as you wordlessly smash spawns, but make it fun for the other players involved regardless. Don't count on a DM, but often we'll show up.
You want to earn a prestige class? Figure out what the requirements are, and earn them. If you want to be an assassin, find contracts and assassinate people. If you want to be a dwarven defender, actually be an inspiring and powerful champion of the dwarven cause.
You want to establish a temple to your faith? Do more than just preach while questing, develop a flock/following. Run events. Promote the dogma so that it impacts everything that is going on.
You want to escape to the surface? Why that's easy, all you need to do is - nevermind.
I guess what I am saying, is that the server is set up so that you should not need a DM to have fun or prosper or accomplish things. I am also saying, however, that there is a style of playing that will more likely lead to very positive DM attention, if that is what you are really after.
I am enthusiastic about the idea of the playerbase stepping up their game some, and hopefully that leading to it being even more fun to DM.