I cant say I'm sure why I'm writing this. Useless block of paper. But he said that maybe writing this crap down could help. Maybe it can.

I was always what the paladins call "Black souled". But I always had reason. I worked with undead to beat upper, All I did was for lower. But now I see that Lower is as bad as upper.

I was insulting that damn goblin. The damn useless goblin. When the Half-elf accused me of "racism". Jumped to the defense of the goblin, and after a few words, it lead to battle. I would have won. I was in the process of winning, when the bastard froze me with his gods power. I believe it was that Rhade, due to him being the only cyricist in the city. They mugged me, removed fingers, caved on me, and left me nearly dead. Then, as the gods clearly weren't done tormenting me, the first people I ran into were the paladin and some friend of hers. And the Half-elf bastard. And, of further course, the paladin allowed him to escape. I do think it will torment me for all time what would have happened to me if she had aided me, but lucky for me, I guess, That is a path that will be left unexplored.

Before that, I always had a reason, or some sembiance of one. But now, I don't know, I feel as if the 'evil' is more then a means. I cant help it. My heart is filling with the paladins blackness, and there is no reason.

What is happening to me? Maby I should go see a cleric of some good god, perhaps they can help.