Scrawled in the first page

Sev had a book like this. She wrote down how she felt back things, things that happened. Maybe it made her feel better? Maybe it will make me feel better.

[the book seems to be divided into sections]

People

Blue

I met blue awhile ago. We made a promise when we met. I told him my real name, and he told me his. We promised we wouldn't tell anyone the other's names - We could call each other something else.

He called me Rabbit - I don't know why, or what a Rabbit is. I called him blue, after the armor he was wearing.

Drin

I met Drin before I met blue. He reminds me a lot of father, but He doesn't use a sword like father did. He's teaching me to fight - So I can be a protector like father was.

Calrind

He was different from the other talls. Drin wanted me to practice. I was in the arena hitting the dummies - he gave me tips, and helped me get a bit better, He didn't try to hurt me. he helped me without me asking him to - Without asking for anything back.

None of them had ever done that before

Rose

She tries to be nice, She really does, I think. But Drin told her too - She's not really that different from the others. Still tainted. I still Don't trust her.

Kyle

I hate him. It's more his fault than anyone's Calrind died! Stpid Wyric's arguement caused it, but Kyle brought us all to the arena in the first place! It's his fault - And now he won't leave me alone. Sev is talking to him, asking him to. I hope he does. I Don't want him around.

Sev

Sev's Different. The rest won't leave me alone. They Don't understand. Sev knows. She lost someone too, she's had it hard, like me. And She's nice to me. I mentioned I liked the colors she had on, and she gave me the Dyes, I didn't even ask for them.

She's saved my life alot of times now. She doesn't ask for anything back. She's one of the best people I know, But she's tall. I'm not sure why, But I think if she Met father, he would like her. Maybe he was wrong? Maybe not -all- of them are bad... Sev certainly isn't tainted.

We spend a lot of time together lately. I feel safer with her around. She's the first tall one I've ever let touch me Since... [the next part is scratched out furiously, illegible]

Thoughts

We went into the temple of hoar, the idiots wouldn't leave me alone. kept making fun of me, calling me tall. Then one of them mentioned Calrind. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, but I couldn't leave Sev. As soon as we were Done I ran out and hid. I didn't want to be around them. Sev found me, and held me. We talked, and she made me promise not to throw fruit anymore. She helped me feel a bit better.

I woke up in the Crone as she shut the door behind her. Her book was on the bed by my feet. I read it, I dont know why. But now I know, now I understand that she knows how I feel. She's the only one who understands me.

Scholar

I met him today. Rose and I saw him by the stairs to lower. I hit his mummy with fruit. It looked sort of sad after I did it. Good, it's a tainted thing - It deserves to be hit with fruit! So I hit him too. Then Rose and I attacked. He beat us, but we tried. I felt sort of sick afterwards...

Dreams

When I fell asleep with her - The dreams were different. I had the dream again, the one I had so long ago. It wasn't like the ones I have every night. The tall weren't there - It didn't hurt.

I saw my family again. We were happy. But there was something different. It was the same dream as before... only..

Sev was there.

I Don't know what it means. But I never wanted to wake up from that dream. When I woke up I felt so sad. I Don't know if I should tell Sev. I'm glad She's here. I'm sort of able to sleep without being afriad, when she's nearby.

It's an odd feeling, not being afraid. But I think I like it.

People

Fireheart "Allivarn"

He sold me something really nice - But he wanted me to pay just so he would tell me where Drin was. I Don't like him. But I need to tolerate him - I do owe him still...

Brinson

The idiot put me in a cage - Then he tried to be friends with me. Still, Drin trusts him. I dont trust him, but for Drin to trust him - He has my respect. At least some of it, anyways.

I only hope he can fix this mess.

Keira

She seems to delight in making fun of me - She doesn't know how much her words are hurting me. Sev made her promise to stop, but she kept saying things. I Don't think she really knows why they hurt me. But I don't want her to.

Myria

Keira and her both make fun of me - But we've done some stuff together. She's not that bad with a bow, I guess. The yellow on the cloak she wears, is really ugly though. She's not as bad as the others when it comes to makeing fun of me - but she certain'y is bad if the others get her going.

Nelas

I hate Nelas. He's the one who started their comments. He started their making fun of me. And he doesn't even think about how much it hurts me. He lies to me, tries to avoid me, and treats me like a child. He talks about Calrind - He doesn't know how sad that makes me...

promises

Sev

I promised her I wouldn't throw fruit. I promised her I would try to let it near me - The bat wasn't so bad after all..

I promised I would try for the tall...

I only hope I can keep it

feelings

I don't know. Things seem different now. I feel so much safer when Sev is around. I've grown used to her being around. Her smell, her voice, her touch. I Don't remember the last Time I felt this safe.

She's the only tall one I'll let touch me - Well, I held Rose's hand for abit, but I would never let her hug me. Never let Rose hold me, Like I would Sev.

I Don't remember - it's been so long. Is this what it's like... to have a mother?

I wish everyone would stop treating me like a child, though. I'm an adult! They Don't understand, they never do....

places

Sev and the one called Aliana, took me to the springs. Aliana had no Idea - But I know what Sev was going through going there. I read it in her book. This was the place she was talking about, and I kind of felt sorry for her. She said it was worth it though, She was happy she helped me be less afraid of bats.

The place made her sad.. Sev caved about her alot - I would've liked to meet her.

Training

My training has still stopped - I think Drin will start again, I hope he will now that I've cleared up my main issue with the watch.

I've helped a bunch of people around the town, but I'm only using the stuff I already know.

I'm not learning anything

Names

Sev helps me so much - She doesn't even know my name. Names are secret, they hold power. Mother and father taught me that - to never let your enemies hold power over you.

That's why I never told anyone my name, why blue came up with Rabbit.

I should Tell Sev. I owe it to her, at least. Why didn't I tell her before?

Lies

I lied. for the first time in so long... years. Not since before father died. I felt horrible - Aliana was bugging Sev, And Sev didn't want to talk to her. Sev was hiding behind me. I told Aliana to go way - That Sev wasn't here.

But I don't want to do it again. I broke my promsie to father by lying - But I will try to keep it still anyways.

Adventure

We went into a tunnel filled with monsters with a dwarf, Sev, and two weird talls. One of the monsters hit me hard and knocked me down. I woke up with Sev above me.

She was so worried.. I felt so bad for running in like that and getting hurt.

Secrets

Sev accidentally pulled off my glove. I tried to hide my arm from her, but I eventually showed her. She doesn't understand this like she understands other things, but She had the right to know. Nobody else will know about this though.

Not even blue...

Not unless he has to.

Lost

Blue left me a note...

Rabbit,

I'm leaving. Chances are that I'll die before I find what I'm looking for. Live a long time, and listen to Drin. Remember to give the children a coin each day.

~ Blue

I cried when I read this. I don't want to think of blue dying. But he's gone. I promised myself I would do as the note says, and I will keep the other promises I made to him.

I feel alone again... I feel..

Lost.

Resolve

I've made up my mind. I am going to practice as hard as I can, read more about Arvoreen. With Drin's help, I know I can do this.

I am going to finally fufill my promise to father.

Weapons

Father's weapon. I get a little better with it each time I use it. But I am not sure if it is the weapon for me. I will have to see. At the very least - I will need to get a bigger shield, maybe a new dagger.

My throwing stars work well, and I'm good with a sling.

For now I need to focus on the sword.

Obstacles

Forgiveness.

I know I need to, in order fufill my promise. I've hated them for almsot ten years. Learning to hate them was so easy - it made me feel better. The hard part is- and will be, learning to forgive them.

I Don't think I can ever fullly forgive them - But I've stopped throwing fruit at them, stopped insulting all of them. I'm giving them a chance at first.

I Don't know - Is that progress? I think it is.

But A protector cannot have this much hate... I need to stop.

But can I?

Justice?

A man was being dragged by the guards. I followed them, blue was with them. They were going to new dunwarren - I Didn't know why. Another came during this time - and there was a huge fight. He lost and was sent to the cages.

They continued to drag the one man, they tied him to the gates.. I watched as he was burned by them.. they wanted to burn him to death. It reminded me of [this part is scratched away]

It wasn't right. this was no way to punish someone! it doesn't matter what they did..

Good news

Blue isn't leaving - But merle wouldn't leave us alone, they almost fought. I got them to back down, but I think blue wants to be left alone for now. But he promised he'd stay. So I'm happy.

Accomplishment

I went with a weird group to the temple of hoar today. they were all talls - And They didnt use any of their magic on me, except for one spell!

We got to a room with lots of them - and they ran. But I held my spot, I fought them. When they ran back, I ran forward! I was the best one there - the best fighter! I was excited, this never happened to me before. I was always in the shadows, hiding behind someone, shooting from afar. This time - They hid behind me.

They were so impressed they asked me to join their mercenary band. Dragon tails or something. We did another job in the Old fort - this time they casted All their magic on me. We went through, with me at the front!. I was proud, excited.

I really am becoming more like father.

People

Merle

She thinks she understands me, what the did to me. She showed me some scars, thinking that she knew what they did to me. her scars are nothing... nothing at all compared to... [this part is scratched out heavily]

I'm sick of people thinking they understand.

Fallen

I woke up with them standing over me.. I remember burning - I don't know what happened, but it hurt. Alot.

Sev and Drin seemed worried...

What happened?

Fearless leader

I led a group today. Led! It felt good, I was at the front the whole time!

One of them called me 'fearless little leader'. I ignored the little comment. What stayed with me was the fearless leader. It reminds me of father.

I know I'm not really fearless, everybody is afraid of something, right? And I know I'm not a leader. Not yet.

But I will be. Just like father was.

Haunting past

A woman told us about a spirit that needed help. We went to do so - But it was under water.. I tried to swim as best as I could in armor - But I had to turn back. The others were taking off their armor, swimming naked.

I could never do that. I could never show them, never let them see. No one will ever see what they did to me.

I Don't want to be reminded - and I don't want them trying to understand, or pitying me. So I had to leave.

I hope they are okay. I hope they save the spirit.

Drow

I was going to ask Aspasia for help in stopping some undead. But she said there was Drow in the crone. Two of them, actually.

I wanted to just run in.. Rip their heads off! Slice them, stab them, light them on fire.. make them pay!

But I didn't.. Fear? Probably. None of the others would do anything either. We tried to chase one of them through the tunnels, but got stopped by a big monster thing. It beat up Elwing, Clarian, and almost G'dank.

I helped them up but it still stole Clarion's stuff..

I wish I could've done more

Greycloaks

Drin said they protect.. From what he described - What they do, is exactly what I want to do - What I Promised father I would do.

Drin said I have to pass three Trials. But he won't tell me what they are.

I"ll only have to hope I am ready.

Mercenary

After stopping some undead and being paid. Mebrith said I was skilled. She wanted me to join her mercenary group! I don't know what am ercenary is - so I asked. She said it's a person who does things, and then people pay them after.

Sort of like what we just did. So I guess I'm a mercenary, Right? I'm now a member of the 'dragons tail'. I bet We'll help a lot of people, now!

Maybe Drin will want to join too. I'll have to tell him. Sev too!

A desk of my own.. For awhile

Gatts took me to the Dragon's tail barracks. he showed me my desk, the beds, and everything. It was neat. Mebrith came in , and we argued, I thought we should all have blue cloaks. She said black.

We heard something at the door, and when we went out to look, Sev sneaked in. Mebrith wanted to hurt her. I couldn't let her. I stood in their way, and had to give up my key to the barracks. I'm guessing I'm not in their group anymore.

That doesn't matter though, if I protected Sev.

Bounty

The bounty on us scares me. I can't even understand why it is there - I never did anything to any goblins, especially not with drin or nelas! I don't want to die.

But if he comes...

I will be ready.

Sev

She told me more about herself today - And I showed her my arms. She wasn't disgusted, she didn't turn me away because of them. I was surprised.. We talked for a long time. About me, about her - Where she grew up, what she did. She told me how she got here, and she told me about her dreams. I'm jealous, sort of - that she can see her like that. I would give anything to see father and mother again, like she can see ...[this part is scratched out]

She's probably the best thing in my life right now.

Rage

Sev fought mebrith.. she lost - I don't know.. Seeing Sev beat, hurt. It made me angry. Angrier than I had ever been in my life. Someone I cared about.. She was being hurt - And I had the ability to stop it.

I fought mebrith... beat her. I was so angry - I just kept fighting.. hitting, punching.. it wasn't until I was knocked down, did I notice..I was beating on Sev - I almost killed her, for stopping me from killing mebirth.

I'm scared now. What if I hurt her? What If I hurt Drin, or someone else?

Maybe learning to fight wasn't such a good idea...

Blue.... I think you were right.

Gone

She was following me, after the fight. I dont know why.. I attacked. Put my sword righti n her stomach.. watched her feebly tryto grab me.. hug me. The look of pain, sadness, and shock on her face.

She was dead.

Sev was dead

Painful partings

It was a Dream. She was fine, and still alive. Sitting over me, holding my hand. she had kissed me...

I told her about the dream. Why I couldn't be around her - what I never wanted to happen. I don't know. Would I have done it? Could I have? I don't want to risk it. She said she'd be hurt if I left... but It's better that she is hurt... as long as she is still alive. I don't think I could live knowing I killed her.

No, I know I couldn't.

I don't want to... but I have to stay away from her.. to protect her - from myself.

Gone

Sev is gone...

I don't know why or what is happening to me. We were talking, then all the sudden she was on the ground, I was standing over with her holding my sword. She was bleeding. I did this to her.

I didn't want to, I never wanted to hurt her. But Before I knew what was happening, I was sitting on her chest, punching her in the face.

I just kept hitting her - And I didn't stop.When i did finally stop...

She wasn't moving. She wasn't answering.

She was... [the rest of the page is torn away]

Shell

A shell. This armor is a shell. But it's empty inside. Sev is gone, What do i have left? Nothing. I've done worse than kill her. I drove her away. hurt her so much.

One last visit to those caves... the ones that meant to much to her and Elrindra...

Then I can be with my family again.

I'm Sorry Sev. I'm so sorry.

The book is left with the acolyte, in the temple of Tyr, to be Given to Drin