Miss Meladon & co-renters:
It has recently come to my attention that a certain piece of furniture available to you as per the standard contract offered to all my renters has become the victim of scandalous, unprovoked treatment bordering on sheer torture. I am very much disheartened to learn that such activities take place in my inn, and hope that it shall not happen again. Meanwhile, I fear that, unless you can convince me that this piece of supposedly harmless furniture fully deserved the treatment it has had to endure, I will have to demand a 700 coin fee to cover pain and suffering; sick leave due to both mental and physical strain; and general insurance, to be paid to me within the next five days, under threat that failure to do so -- as well as repitition of this unseemly behaviour -- will result in eviction.
Rakellion.