Kyle Fox gave me this book. He said writing my memories in it, might help me remember even more.

I have remembered very little. Alinys and ordinant Merribuck said I should get my scar looked into, that they might be able to figure out why I could not remember. Jaden said I should have Alyssara check it. He said Alyssara was more skilled than any of the edan, and it would be better to trust her over the ordinants.

I found Alyssara, with Kyle Fox's help. She took me to the Edan cagehouse, and tied me to a table. She cut open my neck... it hurt, but she didn't find anything, It turns out my scar was just a scar.I don't know where or how I got it, but it is there.

Kyle Fox took me back to the edan rest house.. "the last stand" We got food from Rak, and went upstairs. While we ate, we talked. I'm not sure how, but Kyle Fox tricked me into remembering something.

I remembered someone named Elanea - I do not know who she is, or how I knew her. I remembered she always had a flower in her hair, tucked behind her ear. She always smelled of flowers, and I know I knew her well. I do not know why... but when I try to remember more about her... I am filled with sadness.

I remembered more. When the knife touched my neck, the burning the intense heat of the knife burning the back of my neck.. It triggered a memory.

I remember The forest being burned to the ground. Everyone was screaming, burning, unable to flee. I watched, but was unable to do anything to stop it, unable to help..

And I know it was my fault.. I killed them all.

What have I done? What other horrible things will I remember? I am starting to wish I could forget it all again... scared to remember more about who I was, Where I came from..

I didn't want to, but i remembered more about the forest. I remember I was running through the forest, holding a torch. It was night, but I wasn't holding the torch for light - there was another reason, but I don't know why..

I was running, something what chasing me, angry shouts coming from behind me. I tripped, and dropped the torch. before I could pick it up, the fire had spread. I remember just stareing in awe, unable to do anything... The fire spread so quickly, the heat, so intense. I shouted, all the way on my way back to the others, trying to get around the flames which were between us. They spread to fast, I could not get around, to get past them, to warn everyone.

I had to watch from a distance... through the flames, as they were being killed... the ones who were chasing me, attacking them - but not killing them... Hurting them so they could not escape, and watching the fire consume them... It is all my fault...

I dont know why.... or who they were - But I led them to us. I started the fire. I am the reason everyone I knew is dead.

I killed everyone I cared about. I am a monster, and deserve no kindness. I deserve none of what they have given me. The Sentinel gave me a home, a name, But I cannot keep either of them. Not after what I have done. I don't deserve it. I can no longer use the name they gave me, And I can no longer call myself Sentinel.

I find it curious though - Just days ago I would've given anything to remember. Now my only wish... Is to forget.

I cannot stop it.. every time I close my eyes, I see it happen again, I remember a little more. Days ago I would've been happy, glad for each bit of knowledge of my past - Not now.

I keep seeing their faces, filled with agony as the fire burned them... reaching up for help, but they were unable to escape, and I was unable to help.

I remember hearing a single scream. This scream hurt me more than any of the hundreds of others that were still screaming in agony, as their flesh was seared and they were burned alive.

It filled me with such extreme pain... such fear.. I could barely turn around to look at the source - I already knew what had made that soul-wrenching scream. When I turned around, I saw Elanea, wirthing on the ground, sobbing, screaming, begging for my help. They had cut off her legs. I ran to her, but before i could get there - the flames found her. We both saw it , and in the breif moment before the flames met her skin, Our eyes met. It seemed like forever, as if we were frozen in this nightmare, I wanted so much to be able to stop what was going to happen, to save her. I ran forward, I was going to smother the flames.

I ran, hand outstretched, I had to pull her from the fire, to safety. The fire caught the edge of her clothes, before I could get there. There was nothing I could do.. I watched with horror as she burned. screaming in agony. I wished it was me instead.. I felt so bad..

She is dead, they are all dead. And I brought this on them. I don't want to remember anything else. I need to find a way to forget.

Written in a smooth flowing hand, that is not like the rest

" Focus now on forgiving yourself for all the mistakes, past and present, that you made and will make. Self-forgiveness is much harder than forgiving someone else. Through forgiveness, your wrongs in life are not forgotten, but learned from. "

Written in a smaller, jaunty script:

My Kin - forgive yourself for the past. It is done. Think of your past deeds as training for now. You are in Sanctuary for a reason. Knowing the soul of Sanctuary will set you free.

Cormamin... Always remember, Cormamin is Master. Through this you will see great mysteries arrive for you. Ancient and true.

- Somniis.

Somniis, Eldest, Kyle fox.. Perhaps Elrindra as well..

They have all helped me to see, to understand.

I have not told them, But I remember my name. I remember my name being the last thing Elanea screamed. Vilmar. But I know now. It may have been my name then, but it is not now.

I am a new person now, a different person. I am not Vilmar.

I am Astalder. I am Sentinel.