Good people of Lower,

We have exciting news to share. This very day, within the sacred and blessed Temple of the Red Skull, the entire Jelkrys family have reached a state of purity in which it is deemed that they are ready to ascend, in the same manner as the glorious first skull Frederick Bresley!

Come and observe their ascension, and join us in a grand celebration in honor of the path that is open to all of us.

[An image of an enormous red skull follows]

// Starting within the next half an hour