*Written in a fine hand in the elven scrip and tounge*

I have been in the Underdark for some time now. I have recently decided to keep a journal to keep track of what has been going on in my increasingly chaotic life. I wonder what my brother would think of me now? Here in this wretched place. He most likely thinks I am dead. I do miss him so. I can only imagine how many times he has read my other journals of my adventures before. I hope one day I will be able to place this journal I now write with my others.

I have escaped from the drow and am now in a town called Sanctuary. The place is full of escaped slaves from the drow, illithid and other vile creatures. Many I have meet have never even seen the sun. One of which is a man I met named Edgin.

Edgin the socrcerer. I never thought I would be able to trust a human arcane caster as much as I trust him. Some of my other friends I have made are Erandla, Rilo, and Genevis. Erandla, another socrerer, and quite the nag too. But she is a good friend. Rilo is a fine fellow. Genevis, a physcian and a polotician. I have no idea what the future has in store for me, but I pray that returning to the surface is part of my future.

Life has taken a drastic turn. It seems that someone wants me dead. Why, I know not. I was slain as I left my room. Thankfully my friends raised me. But why would someone desire to kill me? The town Watch wanted to speak to me of course. I told the man Cail Durris, who has been appointed to watch over my murder, all that I could. I hope he is not as incompotant as he seems. I care not for the man, he is a temper to match demon prince. And he seems quite rude to woman in particular.

As I left the watch house, my friends were there waiting. Edgin was worried more than anyone else. I cannot express how happy I was to see him. I can not pen how I feel about this man, I have never had feelings like this for any other man. There was nothing we could do about my attack that night. Edgin and I had sort of be flirting for some time, and we finally told each other how we felt. At least one good thing came out of this day. To think that I would fall for a human. I think it is wonderfull!

It has been about two weeks since my attack. We have found out many things but nothing has strong evidence. Several sources point to the drow as the ones wanting me, but why? And the paladin Ivandur is working with them? I do not know if I can believe that. My friends and I did find out that my attacker may have been a man name Kayne Balesmaan. I hope that we will soon be able to find hard evidence.

A thing that has me greatly disturbed though is that a clone of Edgin has recenly appeared. It knew many things that only the real Edgin should know. Thankfully it did not know something that Erandla had told Edgin. The clone made an escape before we could do anything to it. This may be another attempt on my life. What better way to get to me that make a clone of the one I am the closest to? I can only hope we solve this mystery before anything else happens. I pray that my friends will not be harmed in the process, I would not be able to live with myself if the came to harm because of me.

Many days have past. That clone has not made an apperence again. My closest friends and I have developed a way so we can be sure we are not talking to a clone. I have told almost everything I have found out to Cail. It seems that the human has done nothing to aid in the investigations. He sure is doing a good job at cathing the murderer. What does that fool do all the time?

From my friend Genevis I have heard rumor that Ivandur may be fratanizing with the drow. I told both Edgin and Erandla this. Telling Erandla was a mistake though. She ended up telling the paladin Dell. who in turn told Ivandur. Of course Ivandur wished to speak with me. I told him what I knew and he denied it. He was not pleased that Genevis had said these things but did promise not cause any trouble for Genevis. I also told Ivandur about the clone of Edgin. I had thought it might be a doppleganger. But if that was so then the real Edgin would have been killed. No, Ivandur believes it is the illithid or someone who has hired illithid to aid in my demise. What ever the case may be, we need to find out the truth.

Elections have ended now. My friend Genevis is now on the councel. It is nice to have friends in high places! I spoke to Genevis about the clone, but he did not know what to make of it. Before we had fully finished our discusion he was called to duty though. It seems the mercinary guilds, the Tigereyes and the newly founded Golden Doubloons, have had a bit of a fight. I hope this is not going to be anything that causes lasting trouble. We will have to wait and see. For now I need rest, tis been a long day.

It has been quite a while since I have found the peace to write. My half-orc frined, Venom, told me something very disturbing about a week ago. Or at least I think it was, time is so hard to tell down here. He told me of this old man, a follower of Basheba, who wanted to see into his soul. He sent Venom though a portal which took him to the surface. The surface! Oh, how I long to be there again. But what Venom saw was not truly the surface. He was reunited with his clan, his clan that had been murdered before he was taken to the Underdark. He went with his clan to a village. He was to help the destroy the village, since he believed this was a dream he agreed. He killed a man.....to find out that it was an elven village he was attacking. His clan was then killed by a femal elven mage. He attacked and killed her out of self-defence. But when he removed her helm, he saw my face. My face? Why? He was then attacked by that old man again and brought back to Sanctuary. The man said he had done well, and that the elven female he had killed would die. Does that mean that another attempt is going to be taken on my life? Why am I wanted dead? I do not understand.

*tears start to sumdge the writting a little*

The way, the way he described the attack. It was like I was back there, back then. Back when those half-orcs attack my home. The half-orcs hired by those vile human mages. To kill my family to destroy my world. And for what, power and greed. What could this all mean?

It has been many days since I last wrote. My reverie has not been restfull for. I have been plaged with dreams. Nightmares more like it. I see my father and mother murdered again over and over. I was hepless, I was unable to do anything to save them. And then my by younger brother, Soren. I still see him as the poison took him from me. Again I was helpless to do anything to save him. If only I could go back there as I am now, perhaps I could have helped. Maybey if I could have helped my family would still be alive. But these are hopeless dreams, ones which I should not dwell on.

More people have met that old man Venom told me about. If this man wants me, then it is not safe for me to be in Sanctuary. I have decided to leave. To hide with my new companion, a cave prowler I call Namaria, in the wilds of the Underdark. I hope I am able to convince Erandla and Edgin that is neccesssary. I do not want them to be involved in this. I can not let them die like I let my family die.

I do not know how long it has been. I lost track of time while I was trying to survive in those hostile caves. I was lonely, so lonely with only Namaria as company. I needed supplies badly. My herbs are low and I have been injured more than once. So I decided to return to Sanctuary. Erandla was overjoyed to seem me. As I was to see her. I was glad to see that she was alive and well. But my dear Edgin was not there. I guess he is out by For Mur or the Blue Mushroom like he often is. I plan to leave again by the marrow, I hope he returns before then.

By dreams have taken a shift. Not an all together friendly one either. I am not longer seeing my family destroy, but my friends. I see Erandla slain as I am bound helpless to aid her as she dies. And Edgin. Oh my dear Edgin. He is struck as I free myself from bonds. But he is too badly injured for me to heal him in any way. Again I am able to do nothing as I watch the ones I love go where I cannot follow. I pray daily that these remain just dreams and do not become reality. I do not know how I would be able to handle that type of loss again.

I must now pack. I will leave in secret when the town grow quite. I hope I will be able to return to Sanctuary and see my friends and my love soon.

It has been sometime again since I have been able to write. I have come to visit Sanctuary again. This time I was able to Edgin! I did not fully realize how much I missed him until I saw him again. He worries much about me, a little too much sometimes. He also does not like my animal companion, a prowler I have named after my mother, Namaria. I hope he will be able to accept her one day. Edgin has asked me to remain closer to Sanctuary so he can see me more often and make sure I am safe. I have agreed, I hope I will soon be able to stay in Sanctuary again.

Seeing Edgin again has lifted a great burden from my soul. I guess I was worried about him as well. I pray that I will be able to rest better this night and not be pleaged by these horrid dreams.

My dreams are better, but not much. I hope they will completely go away soon.

I find my thoughts have often turned to thinking of my brother, Kelmedor, these days. It has been many months since I have seen him and I worry about him. He must think me dead. I pray that the Seldarine will keep him safe. He is all the family I have left, if I lose him I do not know what will happen to me. I cannot imagine how he must feel, thinking I am dead. I miss him so much.

*a few tears drop on the paper as she thinks of her brother, she puts her pen down and writes no more*

I could not believe my eyes! My brother has come! He came seeking me after my capture and has found me! But it was with mixed feelings that I welcome him to Sanctuary. I am over joyed to see Kelmedor again, but sadden that he has now fallen into the same fate I have. We will find our way back to the surface though, I know it.

I told him about my love, Edgin. He was less than please to find that I am with a human spell caster. I hope that he will accept him when he meets him. I do not want my brother to have distrust for the man that is dearest to me. I will have to introduce them to one another. But if Kel even thinks of telling him any of my embarassing stories of my youth he will pay!

I guess I will have to show him the ropes of the Underdark now. He never was much of a fighter, I do hope he does nothing foolish to get himself killed.

*written in an unsteady hand as if she can hardly hold her pen as she write*

I wake in the middle of the night. My reverie giving me no rest. I am greatly troubled by what has occured this day. A newcomer came to Sanctuary today. A human male that called himself Rose. Rose, how I now loath that name. Always being the type to help the new arrivals I showed him around town. Upon coming to the Rock Bottom Tavern his true nature arose. I should have taken the way he looked at me before as a hint, but I guess I am too use to the scum of the world doing that. He came upon me. *writting becomes hard to read, her hand shakes so much and tears blot the page* He tried to force himself on me. I managed to draw my blade, but he continued to persist drawing his own weapon. As soon as the bastard realized that I was the more skill fighter, he fled. Thank the Seldarine he was unable to what he wished with me.

Soon after I found Edgin, my dear sweet Edgin. I told him what had occured. He was furious. I have never seen him in a rage like that before, and pray I will never see the like again. As he comforted me, I could tell he was stuggeling to controle his anger. My friend Venom showed up soon after. He too was greatly angered by my assult. That is when he showed his wretched face again. The three of us gave chase to catch this Rose. Edgin used a scroll to paralize the man as he ran across on of the bridges in Upper. Paralized he fell over the edge into Lower.

Edgin and I made our way down to Lower to try and find this Rose. We did. Dead, the fall had killed him. May his soul forever burn in hell. Edgin did all he could to ease my soul. He told me he loved me. And I told him that I loved him. Why does it always take something drastic to happen for the two of us to admit that kind of stuff to each other? I do love him greatly, I often wonder what I would do without him by my side.

I must try and get some more rest. I need to keep my strength. No knowing what the next day has in store for me. I only hope that this will not worsen my already terrible nightmares.

*written in the morning on the next page almost as if an after-thought*

Kel if you steal my diary again. You know what I will do to you. So please be a good brother and act your age. Love you.

Life has been fairly calm as of late. My sleep is still uneasy though. Some of the old dreams continue the reoccur. But sometimes I see him again, but I do not get away. I am glad that each day my dreams have lessened. Mabey soon they will stop bothering me completely.

The House of Light has been attacked was attack about a week ago. I visited it, and it looked horrid. Many of the idols had been destroyed and much of the place was badly burned. Everyone seems stressed about what happened. THe learder of the attack was executed though. I heard she had falled from one of the bridges to her death. They burned her body. They desecrated her body. Even though she deseved death no one deserves to have thier body desecrated after the soul has parted. I will pray that the House will soon be rebuilt and will be opened again.

Dell has asked me to speak with my brother. It seem Kelmedor has started a nasty rumor about Mylin. He said she was a "Demon that brought upon the destruction of the House of Light." The Fool! Why can he never put a bridel on that toung of his? Sometimes I can not believe I share his blood. But I do love him none the less, he is all the family I have now.

It has been a few day since I have communicated with Edgin. I saw him walk past me as I entered the Rock Bottom, but he did not seem to see me. I went to go after him. WHen I called his name he must have not have heard me. He then entered the Watch House. I wonder what has occured that he was called to go there? I hope he is not in any trouble. I will have to speak with him at the next moment I can.

I met a new comer today. He called himself Karmin. When I said my name he said he had heard of me and that Edgin was a lucky man. When I asked him what he ment he said that his love, a Sunite named Calia, saw that Edgin loved someone. When she asked the name of his love though, Edgin was reluctent to tell. She seemed to have found out my name through a different means. I assume Edgin did not want to tell her out of protection for me. This is another thing I must ask him when I see him.

I finaly spoke with Kel today. He said his words had been twisted into the vile rumor that I heard. I rebuked him for not keeping a better guard on his toung. He should speak to Mylin, and appoligize for sullying her reputation. She may be a bit nieve sometimes, but she is a good hearted girl and would do no one any harm.

I also saw that Kel had a journal. I stole it from him as a little bit of pay back for him stealing mine. I will return it to him in time.

Dell, the paladin of Ilmater has been murdered! Murdered! Too many people have been killed. First Ivandur, then Wulgar and now Dell. Shadila and a few others have not been seen for weeks as well. The list of the dead is growing too long. Far too long.

I came into the the Rock Bottom today. Started speaking with a nice lass there, cannot rememeber her name though. Forgot it in my confussion that followed. Kelmedor, my dearest brother, entered the room. He looked as if he was about to fall over dead. I ran to him and immediately healed his wounds with my herbs. He then snarreled at me... There was something drastically wrong with him. The look he gave...that look. He looked like he was about ready to attack and kill me! My own brother! He said that Kelmedor was not there that it was only his body. Something was possessing him! HE had attacked a half-orc named Pepper. Because of this he was arrested. I went to speak to him, he was normal again. He could not explain what had happened. He was sent to trial. I was not allowed to attend. I worry, I do not know what the out come may be. If he is not executed I may be the one to kill him for this pain he is giving me!

I pray he will be alright. He is all the family I have left...I can't...I won't lose him.

Kel has been exiled for a week. I pray he will be alright.

I have met an elf named Celar recently. A druid. We seem to get along quite well. I hope to forge a good friendship with him. He has a good heart, but is a bit of the lone wolf. Not surpising when look at who he serves. For some reason Cel does not seem to care for Edgin. I hope the two will be able to get along.

I have been think much as of late. About my relationship with Edgin. Can a romance between an elf and a human really end happily? Old age will end his life before I am even 200 years old. I cannot watch him slowly die. Nor do I want to have the temptaion of leaving him when he goes old. *hand shakes as she writes* Mabey it is best if I end my romantic realationship with him. I hope we can at least remain friends.

A servent of Malar!!!! Vile escuse for a god of nature! The god of the Hunt! Cati is her name, a priessess of Malar. I took all my strength not to pounce her then! I will not be surprised if our blade cross one day. Or if I place my arrows in her before she can murder anyone.

Thankfully Canar, a priest of Corellon, was there. He was new to Sanctuary. He took me aside and distracted me by talking. He is an older elf. And seems to b a good fellow. I do hope to continue a friendship with him.

Went on an adventuture today. A portal appeared in the Rock Bottom. I am many others entered to find our selves in a crypt. How in the nine hells did I end up traveling with a Banite and Kayne?!?!?! Oh well. Celar was there too, so I felt somewhat at ease. I got seperated from the group. I assume the thought I was dead. Celar was esspecially quite. After we destroyed the evil in the crypt, Celar took me outside the city to talk privately. He told me thought he had lost me back there. That he never wanted to lose me. That he thinks he loves me. He loves me? I do not fully know how I feel about him. I need to speak to Edgin before I do anything else. I cannot bring myself to continue on with Edgin when the end will only be sorrow. But how do I feel about Celar? I do not know yet, I do not know.

I have not seen Edgin for many days. Not since Kel's trail. I left him a letter telling I must speak with him. I hope he is okay, but I fear the worst.

He has not picked up his letter.

I did some work with Celar. Afterwards I went to take some rest. I hid out in the caves with Namaria. I had a empty feeling in me. Like something horrid had happened, I just did not know what. I dreamed...I dreamed. He is gone. *hand shakes as she writes and tears blot the page* Edgin is gone. I do not know when or how or why. I just know. I just know he is dead. Celar found me. He tried to comfort me. Convinced me to come with him for another job, to try and distract me. To clear my head.

*written cleanly but obvious it took much effort to do so*

Edgin...you will forever be missed. You were my first love. You showed me that not all arcane casters are evil. You will live within my heart for all my years to come. May the Seldarine watch over and guard you soul. I will always loved you.

The list has grown longer. Edgin the newest addition. Edgin... So many friends, so many loved ones gone...forever. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why does this have to happen? The sorrow is becoming too much for me. I do not know what to do. I am lost.

*written on the next page*

Celar took me on a job again. I needed to do something, anything. During our final battle with an insane gnomish priessess, I was struck by a spell. The spell blinded and deafened me. I would let no one touch me. I could tell who was there. Then I felt someone kiss me. And that someone started to gently guide me out of the caves. Celar. I knew it was him, although he would not admite to it. When I asked him about it later, he ended the converstation with another kiss. I do not return the kiss, nor did I stop him. I am starting to have feelings for him, I know I am. But I can't...I can't let myself move on just yet. I asked him to give me time, time to grieve. He agreed and we parted ways.

I still do not know what to do or what to think. I have not felt this way since my family was murdered all those years ago. I hate the feeling. I feel so lost and helpless. Seldarine help me.

I do not know what in the nine hells i was thinking! I barely remember buying the water...then buying the nightshade leaves. I let my sorrow get to me. I let my pain take over. I was about to end my own life, when Celar showed up. He noticed something was not right with the water. He took it from me and detected the poison I had put in it. He was enraged that I would even contemplate killing myself. He said if I had done it...if I had killed myself he would be lost. He said he does not want to lose me. To show how he felt, and to save me, he drank the water. He drank the poison. Thank the gods druids are to resist most poisons! It had no effect on him. He force me to talk to Erandla. I promised them and myself I would never let anything do that to me again. I hope they can forgive my lasp in judgement.

Canarlus spoke with me today. The day after I tried to kill myself. He is a wise elf. He saw immediately that something was wrong with me. I told him of Edgin's death. If the deaths of so many close to me. When I spoke of my sorrow, of my dispare...he knew what I had tired. He saw though to it asking the poison I had bought. He all but said I was a fool for such a thing. He said many stern things to me, but I accepted the lecture quitely. He has lived long than me and knows more things. He seems to want to tutor me. To help me and councel me. Guide me in the ways of the Seldarine. I respect him greatly and will accept any help he wishes to give me. He wants to continue to speak to me continualy. Check up on me. I know if I let him he will greatly help me with my troubles.

Now if I could only get him to talk some sense into my brother.

Why? Why does there have to be so much death? Why do all the good people have be taken away from this world? Eowung, a priestess of Elistaree, an aquanitance and a kinswoman is gone. From what I was told she, Chell priest of Torm, and Calia pristess of Sune went to deal with some undead in the Hoar Temple. In their finaly battle Eowung was slain. Chell and Calia were struck down and were about to also be killed. They too would have lost thier lives if there had not been divine intervention. Eowung's body was taken by the gods. It seems her departing soul called upon the Devine Advenger to save her friends. Saddly the Advenger could not fully save them. Chell was lost. He first lost his love, then his closest friend. He was just a shell of a man. I was speaking with Canarlus when we heard a sound. We rushed to the source and found Chell dead. Eowung's sword was in his chest. The lost was too much for him. I pains me to think that I almost did the same thing just the other day. I wonder what will happen to the House of Light? We need a place of refuge like that in these dark times.

The list of dead has grown longer. And why is it only the names of the good that seem to make its way onto the list?

I spoke to my friend Rilo. Had not seen him in many days. I told him of Edgin's death. And of Eo's and Chell's that had just happen in the early morning of this day. He later took Erandla and me asside to talk to us privately. He wants to help rid the city of the evil in it. Starting with the Banites. He had spoken to me before about this, but now...now his mind was clouded by anger. Before he spoke of underminding them, and only killing if needed. Now he spoke of what sounded like out right murder. I refused to help him murder. Even if it was a Banite or a Malarite. You cannot defeat evil with more evil. He then asked me something I nearly throttled him for! He asked me that if I had the chance to kill my family murders while the were unaware and helpless, would I not have jumped at it? Murder to stop a murder? He said that he wanted to kill the Banites and others of evil nature before they can kill anymore of the good people of the town.

I will not help him, not when he is like this. I only pray that he will see the folly for his plans before they get him killed.

Gods! What a day! This is the third time I write today. I need to place this down before things blur together and I do not remember the day.

It was a few hours after I had spoken with Rilo. I left on my own to go out side of Sanctuary. IT is not uncommon for me to do so, since I often visit Namaria since she cannot come inside the city. We were walking in the mines when an elf came up tp us. I regoanized him to be one of the Banites that caused a lot of trouble a while back. I hated this one more than all the others. He was a ranger of Bane. How dare one of my own kin use such skill for a god of evil! He said that his old companions were dead and that he would kill me because of it even though I was not involved in his "friends" deaths. He attacked. It was not an easy battle. But I was victorious. I took the Banite's belonging and sold most of it. He did have some nice items. I think Kelmedor will like the bow I took from the corpse. This is now one less Banite that we have to worry about.

When I returned to Sanctuary I saw Rilo there. I took him aside to speak to him again. I have now agreed to help him. I will not let anyone else be attacked like I was. I just pray that Rilo will make wise decisions.

Fourth time today! I never knew so much could happen to me in one day!

It seemes that a friend of Counceler Tryell is missing. She hired a group to go find him in the Dunwarren ruins. I was just walking in town when I felt the urge to enter the ruins. I found the group and decided to help. I was pleased to find that Celar was one of the ones helping. I was not so please to see that the Malarite was there. It was not an easy job, not in the least. I was struck down, but it seems the gods did not want me dead just yet. Celar nearly had a heart attack when he saw me fall. He told me that we needed to speak about many things. We never did get a chance to speak. I got separated from him in battle. When I found him again something...something was different. He seemed nothing more than a shell of his former self. When we finished the job I tried to make him talk to me. I tried to help him. Bur he was closed to my help. He threatened me, told me to stay away from him. I refused. I continued to follow him, he needed help. I chased him outside of Sanctuary where he transformed himself in a giant wolf. I was not surpriesed, I have seen him do such many times. But this was the first time he was hostile to me. He bared his teeth and would not let me get close. When I refused to leave he did attack, giving me a warning bite. Still I could not leave him. Erandla, Delvak, and that Malar bitch found us. He drew weapons on us. Saying that too many have died already, and if we did not stop coming after him another death may be added to the list. He transformed again, this time into a spider. He webbed us all up and fled. By the time I freed myself he was gone. I know he can protect himself from physical harm, but I fear for his mental health. He needs help. But I do not know how to help him. I shall have to speak to Canarlus about this. See if he can help me...and help Celar. I pray that Celar will be alright and that he will allow me to talk to him soon.

I also think it best that I do not tell my friends that he bit me. The wound hurts but it will heal. I do not need my friends fearing that Celar will kill me if I am ever alone with.

Met another elven druid today, Uni. Was not surprised to find out he was Celar's brother. The sort of odd thing about Uni's apperence are his eyes, they are completely white. He said it is proff that nature guides his path. I shall have to ask him more about it later. I told Uni about what happened to Celar. He needed to know, Celar is his brother after all. I hope Uni will be able to talk some sense into him.

Erandla seems angry about something. I shall have to pry it out of her later.

Found out that Erandla is angry at me. Do not fully know why yet. She had to leave for a job. We will have to speak later.

Kel noticed my leg was hurt. He got pretty angry at me when I refused to tell what had happened. Adventually I confessed what had occured with Celar. He did not know what to do, or how to help. Just talking to him did help. He may be my annoying older brother, but it does bring me comfort to know he is there for me and cares for me.

About Celar. He had told me he loved me. But then he attacked me. I know he is not in his right mind but still. I thought I was falling in love with him too. But recent events have made me realize that I was trying to ease my pain. Edgin's death had left a gaping hole in my heart. I guess I wanted to fill that hole. With Celar there, with us already being so close, I guess I went to him for my comfort. I guess I "loved" him to try and fill the emptiness in me. I cannot do that. I cannot be with him now. I do not think I can allow it. Mabey we should just remain friends. I have so many questions, but so few answers.

Seldarine guide me and show me the path you wish me to take.

I wonder what people would think of me if they read my journal. They would see how I cannot make up my mind. Would they think me flighty? Or just confussed? Well I guess since I mostlikely will not allow anyone to read my journal, I will have to keep wondering.

I saw Celar today. He asked to speak to me, privately. I agreed but I chose that we speak in the groto. I wanted to be able to get to other people quickly, in case he was still in a state where he may attack me. Thankfully he was not. He was normal again, he was himself again. He begged me to forgive him. I knew when he attacked he was not in his right mind, so I could not not forgive him. He told me what happened to him. He had been struck down, but his god did not seem to think it was Celar's time to die. But when Celar came back he felt he had failed his god, nature, and me. He errected walls around his heart and soul. These walls kept all emotion from entering or leaving him, he cared not for life. But he said it was me and me alone who tore down these walls. I had felt like I had failed him, I had felt that I could do nothing to help him. But he said when I refused to leave, refused to even draw my weapons to defend myself, it was that that tore down his walls when he reflected later. He said he still loved me and he could never be able to forgive himself for what he did to me. That is when he kissed me. I drew myself away and told him about how I was uncertain of my feelings for him. He understood comepletely, but asked me to give him a second chance, a last chance. I found myself agreeing and when he kissed me again I found myself returning the kiss. I do not know how things will work out between us, but I know I have a strong bond with him. A bond that I never had and never could have with Edgin. I do not know what will happen, I will just have to wait and see.

I have been finding myself to be calmer and happier since Celar and I made up. I am pleased about this. It feels good to be able to laugh and smile again. I have shared much of what has happened with Canarlus. He is a great mentor and a very wise elf. Erandla on the other hand finds him arrogant and aloof. I wonder what elf she does not think that about besides me and the ones she decides to romance. I asked Canarlus if he would be willing to preform a funeral for Edgin, he refused saying it would not be right for him to do so for someone who was not a devote of the Seldarine. I understand comepletely, but I did ask him to attend the ceremony when it is held. He agreed to be their as a friend to support me. I will seek Mylin out and see if she will be willing instead to lead the ceremony, I pray that she does.

Rilo spoke to me again today. He seems to have regained his senses, which is good. He has not given up his plans on trying to get rid of the evil that is in Sanctuary, but now he has decided to work with Mylin and the House of Light to do so. He has been asked to find eyes and ears for the House. He has come to me and asked me to do that job. He says he chose me because he knows my skill in stealth and because he trusts me. I have agreed to aid him here. The only unfortuent thing is that I cannot tell anyone about this, not Erandla, not Canarlus and not Celar. I hope this will not cause any tension between us since I have to keep such secrets from them. So I am a spy now huh? Should be interesting. I should try and see if I can find a cheap way to get invisblity potions.

I do not know what has happened. I have lost my contact with Namaria, my companion, my friend. No one but other rangers and druids can understand how distress full this can be. I must find her. I feel bad that I will be leave everyone on such short notice, but Namaria is one of the most important things to me. I know the search my take but days, or weeks, but I must search. Seldarine aid me in finding my dear animal friend.

Time is so hard to keep track of out here in the WIlds of the Underdark. How long have I been here? How long has it been since the last time I wrote? I am a least thankfull that this time I am not hidding for my own life out here. Instead I am searching for my missing companion. I have not found her yet, I know she lives, some how I know Namaria still lives.

I have had no news from Sanctuary, I wish I could know what is going on. I worry about Erandla, Celar, and the others. I should have given Rilo word of my departure before I left. I feel that mabey I have let him down. He asked me for my help and then I go running off to find my feline friend. I hope he understands how important a ranger's companion is to them. I pray also that I am not need to yet to be his spy.

It is amazing how any race was able to find a way to live out here, in these dark caverns. IT is so unwelcoming here. Even with my skills in stealth and tracking I have a hard time not becoming prey to the creatures here myself. Spiders are common out here, how I hate those wretched creatures. I cannot even use my skill at charming creatures on them! Thankfully I can do so with other creatures like cave prowlers and stone lizards. I can imagine Erandla will not be pleased if she finds out I have received another scar from a hook horror during my time out here, but at least I servived the encounter. IF I do not find Namaria soon I will return to Sanctuary. I am sure Erandla and Celar both worry much about me, people worry far too much for me. WHen will they learn that I can take care of myself?

I have buried the ring Edgin gave to me. It seems like such a long time ago when he gave me this ring to "keep me safe". In burying the ring I have finally been able to put him to rest. No need for a extravagent ceremony, this was enough for me. Edgin may you rest in peace.

Still no sign of Namaria. I begin to fear she is dead and my search is in vein. I do wish to leave the caverns. It is not a friendly place to dwell and I do wish to be in the company of friends again.

I know Celar is never far from me. I often see a large wolf just on the edge of my sight, I know it is him. He also sometimes comes to me in his normal form so we can walk together and be in each others company. It does give me comfort that he is there and is ready to aid me if I am in need. But it also pleases me that he gives me the space I need and does not try and force me to do anything, like I know Erandla would. As much as I like being with Celar in his wolf form, I love being with him in his normal form. Much more pleasent to kiss an elf than a wolf. As I spend more time with him the more I realize that I do love this druid.

I have decided to start my return to Sanctuary. I know the journey will take me a few days. I feel a great need to see my friends and brother again. To make sure they are all alright. I had not seen Kel for a few weeks before my departure. I am sure he worries for me as much as I worry for him. Somehow I have a chill now when I think of him, as if something horrid may have occured to him. I hope this is only my fear getting the better of me. But I must know for certain. Seldarine protect me. and protect thoses whom I love. I cannot lose anyone else...I cannot.

Canarlus showed me a glade next to a waterfall a while back. He and I seem to both enjoy quite mediations there. It also seemed he spied me and Celar relaxing together there, I found a letter there from him today saying so. He said in the letter he did not greet us because he did not want to disturb us. I left a response for him.

I am growing weary...I should take some rest. My reverie have not been relaxing for me as of late, I worry much about my brother and my friends. Kel...I pray that you are well...

I plan to return to Sanctuary tommarow, I look forward to seeing my friends again. I hope nothing too important has happened in my appsence. Now I must get some rest...

*she returns her journal and writting suplies to her pack. She then lays down and drifts into uneasily into her reverie. He rest is plauged with disturbing nightmares...she awakes several hours later unrested and starts her journey back to town*

*writting is very shaky as if she could not keep her hand still as she writes*

I have returned to Sacntuary. Asked around about Kel. He has not been seen for weeks. Kel...*rest is unlegable*

*writting is sloppy and blotched, looks like the writer had been crying while she wrote this entry*

he is gone....my brother. Kelmedor....gone. How? Why? WHy did I have to lose him? I....feel lost....so alone. Seldarine I beg of you to watch over him and protect him... I am the last. All my family is dead. I am all that is left...

*next page, obviously a day or two later*

I have been grieving the passing of my brother. Erandla, Canarlus, and Celar have all been a great support for me. If I did not have them, I do not know what I would do.

And finally with all this grief and pain that has occured, I finally have found some joy! I had forgot to write that I did find Namaria just the other day. She had been held by some gnolls as an attack animal, but she is free now. But what has truly brought me joy today is Celar. Celar, my beloved Celar, has asked me to marry him! I could not say yes fast enough! Canarlus has agreed to preform the ceremony. I have also asked Erandla to be my maid of honor. Now all Celar and I have to do is plan the wedding.

But befoer we are wed, I wish to have a memonrial service for my brother. I wish he could be here in body to see me and Celar united. I will have be content knowing he will always be with me in spirit, he and all whom I have loved and lost.