[This entry seems to be largely incoherent. It is a constant thought-stream placed on parchment.]

As a free moment passes me, I find myself ultimately drawn back to my faith, the source of all my strength.

"I am fit to succeed and will do so. I acknowledge that Kossuth's faith is innately superior to all other faiths, and that fire and purity are the same. Smoke is simply produced by air in its jealousy as the flame burns away the impurities of the earth. I will be rewarded for successful ambition with power, but realize that reaching a higher state is inevitably accomplished by difficulty and personal pain. Kossuth sends his pure fire to cleanse me and temper my soul so that I can achieve a pure state. I expect to be tested, and will rise to the challenge, no matter what difficulty or pain it brings. Those above me in the church have proven their worth and deserve my service. I pledge to guide others to Kossuth's pure light so that he may reforge all life into its essential form."

It is only those words that were given to me during my initiation into the Church, the vow I took to uphold, that is stable in my life. I struggle at the seams, feeling as if I am bursting. I've achieved so much, so quickly, and I know that he favors me.

I remember that vow and realize that this is the path he wished me to travel. I realize that he has guided me here, and that I sit where I sit now because it was his will and his will alone. However...

I have changed. From the moment I donned the robe of Councilor, I felt different. More determined. More powerful. It felt as if I was thrown into the fires of the forge to be reborn - to be purified and remade. Yet, at the same time I was consumed by the fire - I have become the fire. I hunger like the fire, a hunger that has become a drive that I cannot seem to feed or end. Power. I crave it.

Like the fire that must feed, I feel the urge to consume all that stand in my way. When I was on the surface I openly scorned my fellow priests and was cast out for it. I accused them of being lost, of abusing the gifts given to them by Kossuth. I believed myself different... yet at the time, I had nothing. I had no power. I lost nothing by being cast out, but gained my freedom in the process and it led me here to Sanctuary.

Now, as I wield power as my fellows on the surface did, I find myself falling to their failings. I am willing to compromise. I am willing to do whatever is necessary to get what I want. I do not believe there are limits as I once did, and I feel as if I am a flame that is burning uncontrolled.

Is this what Kossuth wants of me or have I lost my way? Are these thoughts and feelings sinful or is the light of Kossuth showing me a new path? Everyone who stands in my way is a potential threat. I have become more isolated than ever before.

Power. I hunger for it. I do not know why... I care little for it, but I want it just the same. When I see another man wield something that I do not have, I want to take it, I want to force him to bend knee to me, and through me to Kossuth.

I am sometimes afraid I cannot control myself. Thoughts simply come into my mind followed by the desire to carry them out.

If I had spoken to myself just a few weeks ago, I would have accused myself of falling toward corruption and sin. Yet, even now I can feel the fire of Kossuth within me. The fire has changed, however - it burns stronger - but uncontrolled. Everything seems sharper and clearer and I feel more alive than I have ever felt.

Before I wore these robes I thought I understood Kossuth. I thought I knew everything.

I now realize that I knew nothing.

I have spent time in prayer. I've placed my hands into the burning coals so that I may endure the pain, to seek clarity of mind and vision, to burn away any sin that I may have committed.

I seek the truth. My purpose. What does he want of me, and how might I best serve him? I must begin again. I must once again re-evaluate all that I know in order to understand him.

All understanding must start at the beginning...

It is written that in the beginning there was only a void of darkness. In that void, emerged from the primordial darkness, was the two-faced Goddess Shar-Selune. This event marked the beginning of time.

However, before this event, there was a time before time outside of our world. This place, timeless and eternal, is the domain of the elemental gods, supreme in their power and divinity, above even that of the two-faced Goddess.

As it was, they noticed the creation of the void and two-faced Goddess within. They approached her and offered her their gifts. Grumbar, Lord of the Impure Earth, opened a gateway into his realm and hurled his unformed and impure lumps of earth into the void. Istishia, the Choking God of Water, opened a gateway to his realm, and allowed his water to flow into the void and onto the lumps of clay. Finally, Akadi the Goddess of the Jealous Air, opened a gateway into her realm, allowing wind to blow into the void, and it surrounded the water and clay.

Of the elemental gods, only Kossuth did not offer his gifts, watching from his realm the actions of the others. As the clay lumps formed, one of them became sentient but remained slumbering, the goddess known as Chauntea, the physical embodiment of our world. It was then that Kossuth awakened Chauntea from her slumber, revealing to her for the first time her true nature, her power, her divinity, and she realized that her body was frigid, frozen and floating within the darkness of the void.

In this realization, she turned to the two-faced Goddess Shar-Selune, and begged for the warmth of Kossuth's pure fire, so that she might nurture life and living creatures upon our world that is her body and limbs. However, the two-faced Goddess, who had up until then been-as-one became divided, as for the first time they were of two minds. Selune contested with her other half over whether or not to bring Kossuth's fire to their world. During this great battle, the gods of war, disease, murder and death, among others, were created from the residues of the deific battle.

At one point during the battle, Selune seized the advantage and called out to Kossuth for aid. Kossuth responded to her call, opening a gateway to his realm of purifying fire. Selune, fighting back the pain of the blaze, reached into the Realm of Kossuth, and though while burned sorely, Kossuth purified her with his flame, fully separating her from her sister. Kossuth then granted to the purified-and-reborn Selune a fragment of his ever-living-and-pure fire, which Selune hurled at one of the heavenly bodies, igniting it so that it burned in the sky and warmed Chauntea, giving light and warmth to the void where before there was none.

Angered, Shar redoubled her attack on her purified sister, and aided by the choking goddess Istishia - enemy of the light - began to snuff out all heat and light throughout the world. Once again, Selune gave of herself and tore the divine essence of magic from her body, flinging it desperately at her sister in defense of life.

As this essence entered Shar, it ripped an equal portion of energy from her, and reformed behind her as the goddess of magic, known now as Mystra, but then as Mystryl. Though Mystryl was composed of both light and dark magic, she favored her first mother Selune, allowing the purified goddess to win an uneasy victory with her darker twin. Consumed by bitterness at her defeat, Shar vowed eternal revenge. The twin goddesses contested for eons as life struggled into existence on our world under the watchful gaze of Chauntea. Shar remained powerful, but bitterly alone, while Selune waxed and waned in power, often drawing strength from her allied daughters and sons. The elemental gods turned their attention back to their realm, and only Kossuth retained his interest in our world.

I have lost everything tonight. I have failed. I took a gamble and lost.

I am alone. I stare into the fire and realize that I have lost. I have sacrificed everything for power and I have lost.

I realize now that every flame casts a shadow. I have become that shadow. I am transparent and an echo of what I was... I have lost my way, and now I do not believe that I shall be redeemed.

All that I believed in has been stripped from me. Like the shadow, I am transparent. I am empty. I am devoid of light. Yet a fire burns in me still.

Why am I alive? Am I bitter at what happened? No. Am I angry at what happened? No. Do I feel vengeful? No. I feel empty. I feel cold indifference.

Perhaps the realization has not sank in yet.

I know what will come. Those who sought me before will seek me again. They will kill me. I will die, and that which was once a burning blaze, but is now a tiny ember, shall be snuffed out.

Every flame casts a shadow, I have become that shadow and soon I will die.