Father and Son

Master Illusionist Sparklegem High Magician of the Greycloaks, Sworn Enemy the Kobold Menace Ever wonder why a bunch of kobolds are building a statue right atop our gates? Ever wonder why the guy who leads the most powerful organization in Sanctuary never shows his face? Ever wonder about the Shadow Dragon’s true name?

Wonder no more! Seriously, I've done all the wondering for you, and figured out the truth. After a ton of research, I found an ancient and entirely truthful manuscript! It explained the true history behind two of the most enigmatic figures in Sanctuary. Really, it did. Now, my friends without further ado, and certainly without another qualification from yours truly, the story of little Stephan Simms and Etorixallicious!

Long long ago, when a town called Sanctuary had yet to be formed, there lived a traveling tribe of filthy, dirty kobolds along the Dark Lake. These had to be the ugliest kobolds anyone had ever seen. And that's saying something, because kobolds are very ugly. They had black pathetic scales, ugly claws, and they ate gnomish babies for breakfast. Their leader was a big fat kobold named Etorixallicious!

Most of the kobolds were vile, but Etorixallicious was the worst. He was greedy and tough. Stupid and petty. He personally killed over a hundred gnomes! One day, while Etorixallicious and his ugly crew were wandering in search of gnomish prey they came across an abandoned child. The child screamed and screamed, quite persistently, in fact. That was actually one of little Stephan’s consistent traits. He cried alot. In later years Stephan tried to hide his whininess behind his tough golems, but we know the truth! Overcompensation, perhaps? A little insecurity, huh? Anyways, back to the story.

So, the kobolds argued and argued! Most wanted to just eat the child. If he’d been a gnome, they would have eaten him in an instant. But as the savage kobolds began to file their long, yellowed teeth, Etorixallicious stepped forward. “Is a good idea. Is keep child and make spy. Is good idea, yip?” It yipped pathetically, but he was among kobolds, so it seemed impressive. “Yip! Is good idea!” His idiotic slobbering lackeys agreed. Becoming clearer now? Well, there’s a twist! But you’ll have to wait until next week, friends, for the next installment...

Volume II: The Betrayal!

The Betrayal

Brought to you by the... ACRIMONIOUS Ascensionist INCREDIBLE Illusionist CREDIBLE Councilor of Sanctuary ELEGANT Enemy the Kobold Menace HOMELY Hero of Sanctuary DEDICATED Defender of Free Gnomes Everywhere

SPARKLEGEM It's been awhile, hasn't it, friends? Well, Sparklegem lovers, kobold and Spellguard haters alike rejoice! Kobolds everywhere quiver in your decrepit, stinky boots! I have returned to finish what I began so many fortnights ago. Since my last novella, I've taken up several new kobold butchering techniques, that I'll detail at the end of this story for the kobold-killing aficionados. I also got elected to Sanctuary's Council, and discovered first hand the amount of pro-kobold sentiment that exists in that corrupt institution. What gives? You guys need to stop electing kobold sympathizers to your Council!

Where was I? Ahem. Etorix, as began to call himself as he hit maturity, (Who knows why he thought that name was more intimidating than "Etorixallicious". He was a stupid kobold.) raised little Stephan as a kobold and Stephan fit right in. From eating and drowning gnomish babies to strangling them, Stephan was a born MONSTER. So, Stephan and Etorix got along famously, until, hundreds of years ago, Etorix began to get too fat to butcher gnomes any longer. He had eaten so many gnomes that he could no longer survive! Instead of accepting this turn of fate like most of us would (I know I would if I got that fat) Etorix decided to partake in some dangerous, dark magic. He decided that, the only way he could survive is if he invoked the darkest of magics, transforming himself from a fat little kobold, to a huge, fat dragon!

With a band of idiotic kobolds by his side, Etorix had little else to turn but to his adopted son, Stephan. Stephan, known to readers so far as merely a sobbing infantile sissy, had also developed a proclivity towards magic! Not just any magic mind you, but DARK magic. BLACK magic. So, in his time of dire need Etorix turned to Stephan. Though nervous, Stephan agreed to undertake the ritual, whisking Etorix and his band to a cavern near the Sandy Caverns.

No one knows what happened in that darkened cave, but several days after their seclusion, observers caught a glimpse of a naked and embarrassed Stephan dashing away from the cavern, with several kobolds in hot pursuit. Stephan made his way to Sanctuary, and the kobold-man soon joined the "Elite" Spellguard, rising all the way to the top.

That is the secret behind Sanctuary's support for kobolds, and the reason why the Spellguard has taken no action against it's leader's father-in-law. It's a family affair. We don't have any kobold statues on our gates any longer, but that same gnome-butchering kobold tribe has stolen territory that was rightfully ours! Oppose the Shadow Tribe's expansion into the Blue Mushroom, citizens! Our sources indicate that soon the kobold tribe's supply of gnomish babies will run out, and what then? They'll sneak into our city, in the night, and eat, strangle, and drown your children too! Battle may come sooner than you expect, and remember who wants to eat your children.

OPPOSE THE TREASONOUS KOBOLD-GUARD! STOP THE KOBOLDS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! DOWN WITH ETORIX!