Fellow Citizens,

It seems that my initial campaign statement has hit a raw nerve with a certain individual propertedly calling themselves Smythe, if that is indeed their real name and not some cowardly nom-de-plume which they are hiding behind. This means I’m doing something right and have got those forces that want to keep us down, very worried that a dwarf with integrity, vision and guts has got the right stuff. This brain dead cretin with the intelligence & wit of a fence post is under the mistaken belief that my forward thinking & rationalist policies will harm the city. Yet do please note that no-where in their hapless joke of a flyer do they actually offer any solutions to the problems we face but instead choose to attack someone who cares for the future of this city and wants to see the children thrive and prosper.

I’m completely & totally surprised, even stunned, that this person has actually managed to tear themselves away from their favourite pastime of sexually interfering with the pigs at the farm to put together this laughable and pathetic flyer that feebly tries denegrate my character & campaign. I’d say it has about as much impact on you, the good & wise citizens of Sanctuary as would a soft turd in a wet paper bag that has been dropped into a flyblown cesspit, barely none at all! After all, the citizens of this city are smart folks, quick with their wits and able to spot a snake-oil charlatan that Muckracker Smythe really is.

This is typical behavior of someone who regularly violates helpless animals and sniffs used underpants for their own dubious & sordid pleasures. In all honesty, this character has got the credibility of a vegetarian shark. I know that they would love to have my nuts gold plated & mounted on their mantlepiece but the farkwits’ got the killer instinct of a castrated canary. Their idea of a debate is trying to chat up diseased half-orcs for sex in a seedy public toilet.

On a positive note & in response to the current shortages we face in Sanctuary, I have a new policy and that is recycling. I urge you comrades to collect up as many of Muckracker Smythes flyers as you can and put them to good use. I recommend that they be used as Arse-wiping paper because that would be probably the best use for such flyers. That and cleaning up vomit and possibilly starting small fires.

Citizens, I shall have more positive policies for you to consider in the next few days. Have faith and hope my fellow citizens that together we can build a better future for us all.

Candidate Porki Thule Founder & Clan Elder Of the Stouthearts Warchief & Priest of Moradin Warden of the Stairs of Barak-Tor Slayer of Chosen & Friend to the kiddies of Sanctuary

This message has been bought to you by the Campaign to elect Porki Thule