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Porki Thule, Barak-Tor

Elder Thule,

I would ask that you remove your promise of assault upon citizens for entering and disrupting the area around Barak-Tor from the postings you have placed around the city. If you have reason to believe that a citizen has endangered Sanctuary, you are to report this to the Watch-you are not to take it upon yourself to cripple him or her. Your Clan's lease upon Barak-Tor is under the purview and authority of the Watch, and it is entirely inappropriate for you to suggest that you would engage in activity of that sort.

-Private Sunellar

Private Sunellar,

first off I am not the Thane, merely an elder of the clan. I suggest you read carefully my signature and also perhaps aquaint yourself with the current Thane, Kasin Moonsbane.

Secondly, I made those posters to jolt the jaded public off their ignorant arses in the hope that it -might- actually do some good in that someone who may Have ventured below may think twice before doing so. Haven't you ever heard of the expression, "speak softly but carry a big stick"? In otherwords, a threat can be quite a deterant.

I suggest that you consult with Private Shattershale as to the culprit who went down to Barak-Tor and annoyed the inhabitants down there. I merely came upon the aftermath of yet -another- occurance of such blantant disregard of public safety warnings. The fellow who sells bags and Pvt. Shattershale had obviously dealt with the invading creature however, it's mates where still lurking below near the stairs. This is what I painfully had to fight off once I went downstairs to walk to my HOME!

I would remind you Private Sunellar, that Clan Stoutheart is a lawabiding and RENT paying group of honest dwarves. It is through our efforts that we keep the hordes of undead eyes and flying chosen from surging up from beneath and generally ravaging women and children here in upper in an ORGY of mindless slaughter. Also, our rent contributes towards the funding of the watch.

Indeed our lease is under the purview of the watch. How about the watch do their part by stopping fools from entering a known danger zone and endangering innocent civilians? Obligations are a two way street remember?

You must understand how frustrating it is to find that once again, warning signs have been ignored and it is up to the clan to deal with the mess. Also, would you suggest then that I use harsh language on those who would deliberately endanger innocent life rather than a thump on the knees? If so then I will comply however the next person that dies due to some fool going down to Barak-Tor and drags back one of the more colourful denizens to Upper, then I would hope that you will personally inform the relatives of the deceased that harsh words were said to the one responsible for their loved ones death. Fingers were waved in their face and they were told that they were very naughty and not to do it again. I do trust that you could manage that? I think it will of great comfort to the bereived to know that this has been done.

Finally, I'd like to point out that we will be soon seeking to mount an expedition to the lower levels to finally crush, once and for all, the threat of the chosen, with the help of the spellguard. Maybe if you value public safety, you could possibly join us in this venture? That is if you are not too busy and have nothing better to do? After all, I wouldn't want to distract you from issuing warnings to the naughty people.

Porki Thule Elder, Founder, War Chief & Priest of the AllFather

Elder Thule,

Your blustering is entirely unnecessary to this line of correspondence. If there are individuals who deliberately attempt to endanger Sanctuary by luring the hordes of Chosen upward, then they will be dealt with through the laws of this city-not through vigilante action. I will assume the remainder of your bluster is merely an expression of your discontent over your situation, and I will not deign to address all your numerous meandering remarks-I will simply state that this city honors and appreciates the sacrifices that the Clan of Barak-Tor has made to defend it from the hordes of Chosen. Every citizen of Sanctuary, however, lives under the threat of immediate and lurking danger from the hostile nature of the Underdark, and, though the efforts of Barak-Tor to defend this city have been great, your dwarves are not alone in standing against tremendous threats and resisting the terrors of the night.

If you wish my assistance in an expedition against the Chosen, then it is, of course, given.

I see no need to continue this line of correspondence further. I would also ask that any future correspondence we exchange is written in a clear and civil manner, not in an emotional, angry tirade.

-Private Sunellar

*Porki reads the reply and laughs with a large grin as his letter had the desired effect. He pens a reply, taking time to decorate the border of the letter with pictures of flowers and unicorns - they are drawn badly*

Dear Private Sunellar,

I had no idea you where so sensetive? Oh pray forgive me for using such direct and blunt language. I merely, pray tell, sought to enlighten you on the nature of an ongoing problem that to this day, plagues the sweet, kind and peace loving peoples of this most Utopian of fair cities. Far be it for me to trouble your delicate sensibilities with matters that I feel passionately about. It is most remiss of me to assume that a watchman would be able to deal with a few blunt words writen about matters of life and death. From now on I will be much more caring and gentle when writing letters.

On reading your letter and knowning the distress I had caused you, I broke down and wept, crying bitter tears of anguish. I immediately called for the clan to join hands and sing "Khom-Bah-Ya" and together we hugged and then baked cookies to bolster our spirits. Then we danced and told humours stories and a jolly time was had by all. Would you like us to send you some cookies?

Indeed your prescene will be most welcome when we sally forth to smite our foes in the name of puppies, candy and sunbeams. Please make sure you are prepared for the event making sure that you have clean underwear and a note from mother and afterwards we will throw a tea party and have lots of scrummy cakes to eat and lashings of ginger beer. Won't that be smashing?

I do hope that this missive finds you in better spirits and remember, a frown is a smile turned upsided down.

With love and the greatest affection,

humbly yours

Porki SWAK (seal with a kiss)

*Porki can barely contain his mirth as he sends off the latest reply*