Agent Sennik,

Congratulations on your induction.

I hope you will understand that our actions are only motivated by the highest level of virtue. Remember my act of kindness. I could have easily taken your life, but I am a humble man. I do not like violence. Even when dealing with tyrants, death is the unfavored option. But please know that all tyrants meet their hour, and I hope you won't have that honor.

While I wish I could get to know you, I am afraid that given the circumstances, it would be impossible.

Good luck, Seek truth.

Agent Sennik,

I wager you're going to be mad at me now. Which is bad for me, since I guess now we can't work together and shit. Oh well. The Criler has had bad days before. My solution to them? Get drunk. You should try it sometime, Agent Sennik. Perhaps when we find The Way or when doom is upon us, we'll get drunk together. I think that would be nice.

If anything you've taught me that people in The Spellguard aren't entirely evil. There's some ignorance mixed up in the evil too. Though while you're not an entirely evil person yourself, I'm afraid I can't trust a working relationship between us. Sorry mate, we just weren't made for each other.

I killed a goblin today. He was a poor son of a bitch beggar goblin. He had nothing on him. Not a single gold coin. I did it because I was mad. Though after I killed him I saw myself in those stupid little eyes of his. I killed a beggar and therefore killed myself. For that instant I knew what it was like to be a murderer. A tyrant. To be among The Spellguard; the men and women who are willing to kill a beggar on sight for a crime that cannot warrant a death. I didn't like it.

Agent, while I know you'll probably issue a kill on sight order for me, know that I think I love you. It might be because I'm drunk, but I'm usually sober when I'm drunk. That and I need to take a piss. But that doesn't matter because I live in a sewer so I can take a piss anywhere I want. I took a piss on a rat once. He bit me back and gave me some crazy disease. That's why I wear my bird helmet you recognized. It keeps me safe.

Thanks for returning the favor. If The Spellguard is to make me another Albert Ubel, I hope you'll be the one to kill me. That way you can feel how I felt when I killed that goblin.

Well I suppose I should conclude this letter now. I guess we're enemies now so I suppose I should conclude with this:

Bring it on.

-The Criler

P.S. Remember the story I told you. It's never too late to seek enlightenment.

[a note left outside the door to Sewer Town] Make peace with your gods, Criler. You'll be joining them soon.

Terry [a note left outside the door to Sewer Town] Make peace with your gods, [The] Criler. You'll be joining them soon.

The words "SCAB!" and "EVIL TYRANT BITCH!" is torn into the note and the word "The" is inserted before "Criler."

Agent Sennik,

Today I write to you from a cavern that lies very far away from Sanctuary. When I explored this cavern, I found some flying and burning skulls that wanted to eat me or something. I kind of wanted to talk to one, but my common sense said that was a bad idea. Oh well.

I'm currently staring at a crystal that is glowing green. I can't find any crystals in the Underdark that glow red. Nature must know about The Spellguard.

What do I miss most about the surface? The ale. It was abundant, cheap and I could always get drunk. Even as a beggar. I just ran out of ale in my new cavern home. Technically though, I have one more bit of ale, but it's poisoned. You can thank Associate K for trying to catch me off-guard. I would return to Sanctuary if Uncle's place wasn't blown up. Stealing ale from him was a piece of rothe pie, but now I can't because someone blew the place up. It was probably you guys, since your lot blew up The Comely Inn to undermine me in the past. Which reminds me- I miss getting laid.

I'm very close to finding The Way. The Criler has spoken with many strange people across the Underdark for knowledge of this path. It's been a long, troublesome journey but it will be well worth it. Don't worry Agent, when I find The Way I'll come back and show all of Sanctuary. Even you're invited to this lovely party of mine. If you promise not to kill me, that is. How would you feel knowing you killed the man who found The Way?

I thought about your interpretation of the word "criminal": one who breaks the law of the land. I thought about how shallow this interpretation is. My land right now is this cavern. In my land, the law dictates that all children are to be killed on sight and that Spellguard who trespass must kill themselves with an animatron part through the ear. If you came into my land, you would be a criminal. As a Helmite, how does it make you feel to know that your interpretation can be twisted so wrongly? Do you really have so much faith in your government?

Here is my interpretation of the word "criminal": the underdubber. Translation: Those misguided men who attempt to save the day, but only destroy the lives of others. Think on this: When was the last time someone outside of The Spellguard and The Spellguard Associates smiled at you? Thanked you? Bowed to you? Now think of the times when these people glared at you. Frowned at you! Looked away in disappointment. Which event is more prominent? Agent Sennik, I think you're an underdubber. You are a menace by serving the men and women who work to undermine society.

Though by your interpretation, I'd rather die knowing I was a "criminal" who fought for a cause. I fight for freedom from underdubbers such as yourself. You will die thinking you've fought for freedom, but in actuality you will die having despaired the lives of many.

Why do I continue to write to you, Agent? Because you have shown me an act of kindness. This is an act I hope to repay by letting you see the bigger picture of Sanctuary. I suppose you could call this bit of hope as "love."

Until tomorrow, -The Montgomery Ubel Criler

P.S. My name is The Criler, not Criler.