Mr. Fawkes!

It is true that your name is Barrister, or are you actually a Barrister, or both? I'd like to know, really and truly! Because you know, one time this gnome got named after his school of magic, exception he was a conjurationist, so all the other gnomes laughed at him for not being able to transmute! So, I'm curious whether the same thing happened to you! Oh, but this isn't what I wanted to talk about! When I was walking down the street just today, that mean Watch Sergeant Quinn pulled out a flail and rushed toward me to try to kill me! I had to flee into those ruins, and then I had to use illusions to keep him from getting killed by rats! Please ask him not to kill me! I'm just a poor gnomish adventurer! If you make him stop, I'll even get you a date with a lithe, buxom elven lass, and who can resist those? Not you, not I! Please help me Mr. Fawkes!

Tragically!

Doneld Sivrigo Yisataralla the VIII, Desperate Gnome!

I will be pleased to help clear this up. It seems my men have behaved most inappropriately. Please come to the Watch House at any time while I'm on duty and we'll figure out why they are attacking you and I'll mete out any necessary discipline to my men.

I have no information from them explaining their actions. It is most unseemly.

Sheriff Fawkes

Mr. Fawkes!

Okay! I'll drop by as soon as possible! Until I get a chance to walk into the Watch House where you can spring a dastardly ambush on me and clap me in chains, please tell your men to stop trying to kill me! I'd hate to die before I get to the epic gnomish-capture ambush! It would just be embarrassing, and unfair! You know what I mean? A gnome, dying before the final plot twist that ultimately spells his doom because he was too trusting? Just ridiculous! Anyway, I'll see you soon!

Plotfully!

Doneld Sivrigo Yisataralla the VIII, Desperate Gnome!