Mr. Fat Watch Sergeant!
I've been repeatedly accosted by Sergeant Quinn and now this elf Watchman with a bow! They're all trying to use my dapper persuasion skills to obtain dates with this lovely lithe, buxom elven lass by the name of Amy. I'm sorry, but I just can't make magic happen with such a lithe, buxom elven lass overnight! They just haven't given me enough time! They also want to take away my wizard's baton, and they keep trying to hit me with a flail or shoot me in the back with arrows! Please help me! I'm just a poor gnome out to find adventure in this great world! I don't want to get hit with an arrow in my nose and then get locked in a cell, never to see another lithe, buxom elven lass or smell a turnip pie again! You know all about food, so you know how hard it would be!
Desperately,
Perigo Destri Turnupicallius the IV, Gnomish Adventurer-Explorer-Merchant-Political Expert-Barrister-Magician!