Today's Onion-y horoscope:

Pisces February 19 - March 20

For 15 terrifying minutes, the universe will indeed revolve around you, causing the death of billions because you decide to skip rope.

It's been my little brother's birthday for 20 hours and only alstromeria manages to wish him a happy birthday?! Shame! Shame! You have four hours to make up for this, people!

Happy B-day Naughty.

Happy birthday to you, and may you continue to pleasure us with rhyming loot and orog sorcerers; and masked gnomes too!

If it werent for your car, I would never have slept with you.

All hail Illuminaughty, third bastard child of Chuck Norris and awesomely awesome, may his name be forever venerated else we rot in the nine levels of hell for all eternity.

Happy birthday!

Meh, I wished him happy birthday in IRC and he ignored me for a whole 12 hours! No love.

omg, Ilum has a birthday?! I'm a little late on this so... hope you had a good one man ^_^

Illuminaughty, now seven days older! Congratulate him!

HAHAHA good joke!

Robots don't have birthdays!

Awww, how cute! My own Bday thread!

<3's all around for you, my sexiest of bitches.

Much love.