Tenets of the Faith

1. Lord Ilmater is ever present and hears your prayers. Hold faith, and never falter, for doubt is your greatest enemy. All faith is repaid in time.
2. Hold Compassion in your heart for all things. Of those evil, seek not to rebuke but to redeem, for healing is the domain of Lord Ilmater. To heal the heart and redeem one from their evil, is to heal a wound in the world itself.
3. Strike at your foes, but never in anger. Do not harbour thoughts of hate or vengeance. Kill out of necessity, never malice or greed. In all times when death is the inevitable result of conflict, the death must be swift and clean. It is more holy to put one wounded irreparably out of his misery, than to leave him to suffer. To deliberately cause suffering in a foe is a grave offense, as to do so wounds even Lord Ilmater, whose duty it is forever to take the suffering of others onto himself.

I don't know if I'm cut out for this. Ever since my eyes and heart and mind were opened, since I became able to see that which is not seen, I can hardly keep my head up. The priests told me at the very beginning what it would be like, how terrible a thing it was, but I did not understand then.

When my eyes were first opened, I looked about the temple. It took but a moment, but the intensity increased rapidly. I recall finding myself on the floor, weeping.

It was as though a festering wound had opened in the world - no, had always been there, and sucked away at the life of the world itself. It was as though every terrible thing that had ever happened in the world, every tragedy, every undeserving death and act of greed and malice, and the very negative feelings in the victims was tangible; magnified, and happening to everything around me.

The feeling is less intense now, and at times nearly absent. I do not know if it was a result of the ritual that opened my heart, that it was especially difficult to cope afterward, or if I have grown more capable of coping with the taint that wounds the world.

I truly cannot believe the latter of myself. I feel no stronger, or more powerful, or holy, the taint still weighs heavily in the world, and I still feel it and see it more and more often now in the hearts of the men I see.

Two years now, that my eyes have been opened. And two years I've spent in the slave pens of the drow; it is not anything one may ever get used to, and my eyes still moisten to think that such an abominable force may exist in the hearts of men.

I fear regularly that it is too much for me. I am full of doubt, not in Lord Ilmater, for my faith is ever strong, but rather I doubt myself. I do not have the strength in me to champion His holy will, But as long as there is air in my breast, I must strive to live up to the faith He Himself has placed in me, in gifting his divine graces.

Day 1 in Sanctuary; Eleint 26, 1373 Emmerson Palmer

I saw a painting today, hung up in the mausoleum. It was of Sanctuary, but it depicted what Sanctuary would look like on the Surface, under the sun. Ellie was there, and when she gazed at it, she found it beautiful, because of all the flowers and fields. But when I looked upon it, all I noticed was the way that even under the sun, and amidst the bright flowers, the city was still dismal and grey.

Even in a beautiful world, darkness still exists. And even here in Sanctuary, possibly the only safe haven in all the Underdark, there are still evils that make me retch when I look in their direction.

---

Musings:

In the mines outside the city is a Grey Dwarf guarding a shortcut to avoid the long path through the mines at a small price. He has made his fortune in selling access to others from one way to another. Because of his greed however, it seems he has not paid any man to guard the far end of the shortcut, so people are able to effectively steal from him without fear of repercussions; the duergar unable to stop any who leaves lest he leave his hole unguarded.

He carries a taint upon his soul as most duergar do, however, I must wonder: Is it just that he is robbed of his only source of wealth?

---

I am full of envy and respect for Mirin, because of her zeal and dedication to Ilmater. But at the same time, I fear for her; she is compelled to take on everyone's suffering. It seems she forgets that there are others beside her who may aid her. She starves herself because her compassion for those hungry she does not know is so great, and is apalled at herself for doing so much as eating more than what she feels is her meager share of food. So I worry for her; yet I do not know how or what I may do to help relieve her suffering, the way she relieves that of others.

---

Ilmater has seen fit now to grant me new blessings; that He does so, does much to allay my fears that He has chosen incorrectly. That these powers are mine to wield can not be a mistake.

And yet, I still bear witness to the evils of the world, and it still tears at my heart that such things exist, that there are those in the world who wrong others. Before I was endowed, although I was aware that there are sinners in the world, I did not see them as I do now. Wretched people who will do anything if it is to their benefit. In others, it seems as a sickness, and they are as much wounded by it as those who they wound.

I will continue to do His work, and I shall strive to live up to the promises I have made, and the expectations He has set before me.

Day 2 in Sanctuary; Eleint 27, 1373 Emmerson Palmer