I was cleaning under my desk when I found a bunch of little green switches that I swear I had never seen before. One of them was off, so I flipped it on, when all of a sudden this really loud banjo music started playing and an incredibly long-bearded man snuck up behind me. I was so startled when he clapped his hands together that I nearly slammed my head on the bottomside of my desk. As he clapped, he said,

"Good for you lad, good for you! I hope you'll enjoy this as much as I have."

He handed me a little blue piece of paper, about the size of a business card. It read, "You are a DM now." But that wasn't all. Just as I looked up, he pulled off his beard to reveal a skinless, boneless jaw, held only together by rubber bands and screws. He quickly covered my mouth with his own hand and told me to turn the card over. On the back, it read, "If you ever marry into an African tribe, be sure to get tested for diseases." I looked back up, gagged by his own hand and mortified, as he let out three hearty laughs which caused a few of the rubber bands to snap. He told me not to utter a single word as he covered his face back up with his faux beard. He then placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around. The second I looked back, he was gone, and the blue card fizzled into a little puff of smoke.

In truth, none of that really happened, but the end result was the same. Please enjoy me as much as I will enjoy you!